Knees Up Wilmott-Brown Catherine Tate's Nan


Knees Up Wilmott-Brown

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Transcript


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Have a look at this mob.

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Ah! Look at the state of 'em.

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Oh, they want shooting, don't they?

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And to think one of them could be living next door.

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Oh, it makes you sick.

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STRICTLY COME DANCING THEME MUSIC PLAYS

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Thank God that's over. KNOCK AT DOOR

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-Hello, Nan!

-Here he is! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

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This programme contains strong language.

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You come up and see me? You come up and see me?

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You come to fix my lamp?

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No, Nan, I've come to get you.

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The tenants are meeting downstairs. It's all kicking off.

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-Who is it?

-The tenants' association.

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Load of moaning old trollops.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Nan, people are going to lose their homes if we don't do something.

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They'll all be turfed out.

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What, so my lamp's just going to fix itself, is it?

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Nan, it's not that bad - you've got three other lights.

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Look, I've made muffins for the cake sale.

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Oh, not this shit again.

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What are they this time?

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Flaxseed and aubergine.

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Flaxseed and aubergine.

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Oh, you are spoiling us, Ambassador.

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All right, well, I'll go down while you fix my lamp.

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All right, I'll have a quick look.

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Here...

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These ain't bad, son.

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-What's the matter with it, then?

-I don't know, love...

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Argh!

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..but the electrician told me not to touch it.

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I'm afraid the rumours are true.

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Pressman Developments have bought the freehold for this building

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-from the council.

-CROWD GRUMBLES

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They're going to raise our rents forcing us to leave

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so they can turn this place into luxury apartments.

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They're sending a man called Charles Wilmott down to talk to us.

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Here we are! The dream team.

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It's always us lot, innit?

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Oh, Mrs Taylor, you're here.

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Yeah. Sorry, I'm late,

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but this one was rolling around on the floor like a dog.

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-I brought you some muffins.

-You all right, Jamie?

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Course he's all right.

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I told him not to put his hands where they're not wanted.

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She's heard that before.

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You all right, Peggy? You're looking well.

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-Is that a new hat?

-Yeah.

-Yeah...

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Gawd knows who's bought her that.

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She got a different fella every week.

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Peggy the Tart, we used to call her.

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Didn't we, Peg? Well, still do.

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Mrs Taylor, please!

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She knows! There's no judgment here, love!

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I mean, good luck to you, Pegs - still going strong at your age.

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Mrs Taylor, if you've finished talking to my mother...

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..may I continue?

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Please do, love.

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Nothing like listening to a whining old lesbian...

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to make you appreciate your life.

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Well, two things - firstly, I am not a lesbian,

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and secondly, you own your flat, Mrs Taylor,

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so you're not a tenant,

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so this issue doesn't affect you.

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No, no, we are a community. I'm here for you.

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I've seen that film Pride.

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Very moving.

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No... No, all you gay miners deserve a chance.

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You all right, Daphne?

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Yeah...

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So, we need to decide on a plan of action.

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We could chain ourselves to the building.

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Well, it wouldn't be the first time you've been tied up, would it, Peg?

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Filth, she was.

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That's a good idea, but before we attempt something that dramatic,

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I think we need to make some noise.

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We need to get ourselves on the news...

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You on the telly?

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Oh, I think you'll struggle, love.

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Unless they're bringing back Prisoner: Cell Block H.

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Listen, I am leader of this group...

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What you need is a leader.

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What did I just say?

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I don't know... Something about KD Lang?

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As head of the tenants' association, I am the leader.

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Oh, self-appointed.

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And I think it's time I stood up for what's right,

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and I want you out, we all want you out.

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-TENANTS:

-Yeah.

-What?! You can't kick me out.

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Why not? All you ever do is make things worse.

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Come on!

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-You're rude...

-Yeah.

-..you're insensitive...

-Check.

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..you reduce everyone to a social or sexual stereotype...

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Oh, thank you.

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..and it's time you went.

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Is this cos I don't fancy you?

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Oh, please leave us alone so we can get something done for once.

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Well, they don't want me out, do you?

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If you think Mrs Taylor should leave the group,

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please raise your hand.

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Well, that is charming, innit?

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You want me out, do you, Daph?

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You, with your big pig head?

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Mrs Taylor!

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She got a head like a pig, the woman.

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Oh, not you and all, Trong Tri?

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SHE SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE

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HE SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE

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Oh, fuck you, then.

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-What about you, Peg? You with me?

-No.

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Oh, et tu, Peg?

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Oh, after all I've done for you. All the secrets I've kept.

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I've never told anyone what a crusty old whore you are.

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Jamie! You just going to sit there and let 'em treat me like this?

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Well... Oh...

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Useless!

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Well... Well, good luck without me,

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but you'll be sorry.

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You'll regret this.

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But you mark my words,

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I am never setting foot

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in this dirty, pox-ridden lesbian hideaway again.

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Forgot me grandson.

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You finished with my smoke alarm yet?

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Nan, give me a chance, I'm still a bit shaky.

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Oh, pull yourself together, you big nance.

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Nan, I really think you should make peace with the neighbours,

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-they could do with your help.

-Oh, shut up.

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POINTLESS THEME MUSIC PLAYS Here it is. Here's me programme.

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Pointless.

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You seen it? Oh, I love it.

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There's a giant who keeps the scores.

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He's not a giant, Nan.

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Ah, it's marvellous, innit?

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Remember when I was volunteering with that tribe in the Sudan?

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Oh, here we go.

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Well, there was a big fight in the village

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and one of the tribal elders brought everyone together.

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He was amazing.

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He had this saying,

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"You can break a coconut with an elephant's hoof,

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"but you don't get to sip its milk."

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Yeah, I've got a saying too, love.

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"You can take an age to fix my smoke alarm...

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"..but you ain't coming down that fucking ladder till it's done."

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Can you get that, Nan?

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Oh, Gawd, have I got to do everything around here?

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SHE FARTS Ooh.

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I'll tell you what, those flaxseeds will get you up.

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KNOCK AT DOOR Yes, all right. I'm coming, ain't I?

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Ugh!

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Oh, mind yourself.

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-Hello. Mrs Taylor?

-Yeah.

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My name's Charles Wilmott.

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Ah, it's not charity is it, love?

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Cos I get enough of that with this one.

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He's always banging on about the orphans in Sydenham.

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It was the Sudan. Nan, don't talk to him.

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No. Mrs Taylor, I'm here about a business opportunity...

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Oh, I'm not doing any more pyramid schemes.

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I once got lumbered with having to shift 3,000 letterheads.

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No, I think this is something that actually...

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No-one wants gold-embossed stationery with my name at the top -

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I see that now.

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Mrs Taylor, if you would just let me speak...

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Nan, this is the man we're trying to stop.

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Mrs Taylor, I'm head of acquisitions from Pressman Developments,

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and I have a business proposition

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that I believe could make you a lot of money.

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Ooh, why didn't you say so?

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In you go, son. Ha-ha-ha!

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-Go on, go on - you can fix my smoke alarm later.

-Oh!

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Oh, careful, love, that wall's just been painted.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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So...Wilmott-Brown...

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-No, it's actually Charles Wilmott.

-Yeah.

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This business opportunity you speak of...

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Yes, I knew as soon as I heard about you

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-you were an impressive woman.

-Oh...

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You're not like the others in this building -

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-you have foresight...

-I do.

-..ambition...

-You're right.

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-..enterprise...

-Go on.

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And you own your own flat.

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Yes, I do. I've always been ahead of the curve.

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-Take a seat.

-Oh, thank you.

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These, erm, these people downstairs... These, er...

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Lesbians?

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They're getting out of hand and they want to stop us.

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Us! Good, honest businesspeople like you and me.

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Did I ever tell you about my letterhead scheme?

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They need placating and they need guidance,

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which is where you come in.

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Why? Because you know how these people tick.

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You have their ear, they look up to you.

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Yeah... I am their favourite.

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I'm like a village elder.

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I have this saying...

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"You can milk an elephant with a coconut...

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"..but you can't something something hoof."

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Muffin?

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Thank you.

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I think you and I should join forces

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so we can make a better world for both of us.

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Are you with me, Mrs Taylor?

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I am, love. You and me - a power couple.

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Like Jackie O and KFC.

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-JFK.

-No, thanks, darling. I've already eaten.

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-Oh! Flaxseed and aubergine?

-Oh, the world's gone mad.

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Nan, I think I've got concussion.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Remember, nice and big so people can read them.

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Good afternoon.

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Mrs Taylor, I thought we discussed this.

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I am not here for why you think I am here.

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I am here for with my good friend Wilmott-Brown,

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to talk to you all lot.

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-It's actually Charles Wilmott.

-TENANTS GROAN

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Hello, everyone. Lovely to see you. May we take to the stage?

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We're actually having a private meeting.

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That's all right, this won't take long. Mrs Taylor.

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Oh, thank you.

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-Oh, here we go.

-So, as you may have heard...

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Testing, testing, one, two, three.

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I think it's fine. Thank you, Mrs Taylor.

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So, Pressman Developments...

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Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

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-Stop that.

-You're welcome.

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Now, as you may have heard, Pressman Developments

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-have acquired the freehold...

-You backed the council into a corner!

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I can assure you it was negotiated.

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You forced them into bed with the fat cats and the bankers.

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Oh, here, she's off again - always in bed with someone.

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-I was told I'm being moved to Stoke!

-What a shithole.

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Stoke has a warm and vibrant history.

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Still very much of a shithole.

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And I'm being moved to a one-bedroom flat.

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Yeah, see, she does like to have a waiting room as well.

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All right, Jamie?

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Oh, here he is - the walking dead.

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I'm not talking to you, Nan.

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Well, why not? What have I done?

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You know what you've done.

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You turned your back on your community

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-and teamed up with the enemy.

-TENANTS:

-Yeah.

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Oh, that? Oh, I thought you found out about your car.

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-What about my car?

-Nothing.

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Sorry, Joan, may I go back to the point?

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Look, the point is,

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we're regenerating and we ain't got room for the likes of you.

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TENANTS GROAN

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We're bringing in a new breed of resident -

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the fashionistas, the Russian oligarchs,

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Frank Lampard -

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and you lot are being moved to Stoke, and good riddance.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha! TENANTS BOO

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And it'll serve you right for chucking me out! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Look, I would like to point out these are not my words at all.

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I don't agree with what Mrs Taylor is saying at all.

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Start packing! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh!

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Have a look. Ha-ha...

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We're watching a telly programme

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of people watching the telly... on the telly.

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Ha-ha.

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I mean, we're actually watching people watching the telly...

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on the telly.

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-BOTH:

-What a load of old shit.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-We have a laugh, don't we?

-Yeah.

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-Me and you, we're just like that gay couple.

-Yes.

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Laughing and laughing, watching the telly, eating muffins.

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Yes.

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So, Joan, do you mind if we talk about the contracts now?

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-Here, love, have the last muffin.

-Oh, no, you have it.

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No, go on, darling. It's the last muffin.

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Oh, no, I couldn't.

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Go on, you'll enjoy that. It's the last one.

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Oh, well, if you insist.

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What, you're taking the last muffin?

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Yeah. Well, they're very good.

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Yeah. Oh, you're having it, are you?

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-Yes, thank you. Mm!

-Yeah...

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Yeah, you'll, er...

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You'll enjoy that, won't you, the...last muffin.

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-Does it taste nice, do it?

-Mm.

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It will do, won't it? What, with being the last one.

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He's had the last muffin.

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Humph!

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What a fucking liberty!

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SHOUTS: He's had the last muffin, the man!

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"Would you like the last muffin?"

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"Oh, no, I couldn't possibly."

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Then he's turned around and eaten the last fucking muffin!

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Dirty fucking muffin-guzzling bastard!

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Do you want a cup of tea, love?

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No, I think I'm fine.

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I think it's time we dealt with the contracts, though.

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I do need you to sign them.

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What's that, darling?

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Well, it's what we've been discussing.

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It's what we've discussed for days now, the sale of your flat.

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Oh! Oh, I ain't selling my flat.

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Mrs Taylor, we've been through this.

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With the money you make from the sale,

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-you're going to move somewhere nice. You...you did say.

-Did I?

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Well, between Pointless and Gogglebox I'm barely conscious.

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But you must realise you... you can't stay here.

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Why not, love? This is where I live.

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And with that mob gone, we'll be laughing.

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I don't think you understand.

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It's not just the building we're improving, it's the clientele.

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Oh, I know, darling.

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I can't wait to meet me new neighbours -

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Vorderman, Sugar, Manilow...

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whoever it was won The Voice.

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But Mrs Taylor, you won't be here.

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Oh, yes, I will, darling, and I shall fit right in.

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Now, pack it up cos the posh drunks are on.

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-Mrs Taylor, I've done everything you've asked of me.

-Yeah.

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-I fixed your lamp.

-Yeah.

-I fixed your smoke alarm.

-Ah.

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I spent three days looking for your remote

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-which, it turns out, you left in the fridge.

-Ha-ha-ha.

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All I asked of you was to help me

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and all you did was mess everything up.

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Now take the cheque and sign the contract.

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But...but why can't I stay?

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Because my clients don't want to see a throwback old Cockney washerwoman

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cluttering up their new luxury apartments.

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Now take the money and piss off!

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Well, well, well...

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..Wilmott-Brown.

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You shown your true colours, ain't you, son?

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I didn't like you when you ran The Dagmar

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and I don't like you now.

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And if you think I can be bought

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with your dirty corporate money,

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you can think again.

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Now, get out of my flat

0:16:450:16:46

because the Lilt Ladies are about to watch Poldark.

0:16:460:16:49

SHE FARTS

0:16:520:16:54

And if I am not very much mistaken,

0:17:000:17:03

I've just ponied myself.

0:17:030:17:05

Come on, people, we can't lose momentum now.

0:17:100:17:12

The fight to save the estate is officially on!

0:17:120:17:15

-TENANTS:

-Yay!

-We have 10,000 names on the petition...

-Yay!

0:17:150:17:18

..and we are marching on Westminster tomorrow morning!

0:17:180:17:21

-Hooray!

-Here she is! TENANTS GRUMBLE

0:17:210:17:25

She's come up and see you!

0:17:250:17:26

She's come to save the day.

0:17:260:17:28

How dare you show your face in here,

0:17:280:17:30

you self-serving, nasty, poisonous old witch.

0:17:300:17:33

No need to apologise.

0:17:330:17:36

We're all friends here.

0:17:360:17:37

Right, everyone, just ignore her.

0:17:370:17:38

I can't believe what I'm seeing.

0:17:380:17:41

Where's your fight?

0:17:410:17:42

-It's time you stood up for yourselves.

-We are!

0:17:420:17:45

Do you mind? I'm speaking.

0:17:450:17:47

I say we get a petition signed and march to Westminster.

0:17:470:17:52

We're already going to Westminster!

0:17:520:17:54

See, that's impressive - I've only just suggested that.

0:17:540:17:57

See what happens when I take the lead?

0:17:570:17:59

I cannot express how much we don't need you.

0:17:590:18:02

Well, you might change your mind when I tell you

0:18:020:18:04

the secret information I have managed to purloin.

0:18:040:18:06

What's that, then?

0:18:060:18:07

Wilmott-Brown is moving you all to Stoke.

0:18:070:18:09

-TENANTS GRUMBLE

-I told you that!

0:18:090:18:12

And I will be addressing that this evening

0:18:120:18:14

when I appear on Newsnight.

0:18:140:18:15

What?! You can't go on Newsnight.

0:18:150:18:18

-Why not?

-Well...because of this.

0:18:180:18:21

And this.

0:18:230:18:24

But mainly this.

0:18:240:18:26

Mrs Taylor, please.

0:18:260:18:27

You need me out there with you, love.

0:18:270:18:30

I mean, no disrespect, sweetheart,

0:18:300:18:32

but you've got a face like a ruptured arse.

0:18:320:18:34

I think I'll do perfectly well without you.

0:18:370:18:40

Yeah, I hear what you're saying - we'll both go.

0:18:400:18:42

No, it'll just be me.

0:18:420:18:43

-Just me and you - understood.

-Stop it.

0:18:430:18:45

I like your shoes.

0:18:450:18:47

Why are you suddenly interested?!

0:18:470:18:49

Because I care about each and every one of you.

0:18:490:18:52

-TENANTS GRUMBLE

-No, you don't.

-No, I don't.

0:18:520:18:54

But Wilmott-Brown ate my last muffin

0:18:550:18:58

and now I'm going to destroy him.

0:18:580:19:01

Oh, please go away!

0:19:020:19:03

Come on, then! Off we go! Come on, everyone together!

0:19:030:19:07

Peggy, try not to boff anyone before you get there.

0:19:070:19:10

There is no way you are coming with me on Newsnight.

0:19:100:19:14

With my looks and your...shoes, we'll take this town by storm.

0:19:140:19:18

You are not coming!

0:19:180:19:20

Shall I wear the shoes?

0:19:200:19:22

Ugh!

0:19:220:19:23

Tonight on Newsnight, residents from a council block in East London

0:19:300:19:33

who are fighting back against, what they call, social cleansing.

0:19:330:19:37

We're joined by Charles Wilmott, for Pressman Developments,

0:19:370:19:40

and Lorna Finch and Joan Taylor,

0:19:400:19:42

the heads of the tenants' association for Mason House.

0:19:420:19:45

Head. Head of the association.

0:19:450:19:49

JOAN SPITS

0:19:490:19:51

OK. Let's, er, let's start with you, er, Mrs Finch.

0:19:520:19:55

Well, it's miss, natch.

0:19:550:19:58

-May I speak freely?

-Yes. No, do, do.

0:19:590:20:02

You look a lot different in the flesh, Paxo.

0:20:030:20:06

Can I call you Paxo, Paxo? Ha-ha-ha.

0:20:060:20:08

You had a bit of work done?

0:20:080:20:10

What's happened to your eyes? What's happened to your ears?

0:20:100:20:12

Actually, I'm not Jeremy Paxman.

0:20:120:20:14

He's Evan Davis.

0:20:140:20:16

What, from the Dragons' Den?!

0:20:160:20:18

Blimey! You landed on your feet, ain't ya?

0:20:180:20:20

Look, may I speak?

0:20:220:20:23

I don't know how you got the nerve after what you did to Kathy Beale.

0:20:230:20:26

Yes, thank you, Mrs Taylor...

0:20:310:20:33

Please, please can we just try and stay on the topic?

0:20:330:20:36

Look, the issue, as far as I'm concerned,

0:20:360:20:38

is about progress and people's fear of it.

0:20:380:20:40

No, the issue is about fairness and choice.

0:20:400:20:42

Sh. Love, I don't think they speak lesbian on the telly.

0:20:420:20:46

-Now, that is offensive. We're not having any of that.

-Shame.

0:20:480:20:51

I much prefer Paxo.

0:20:530:20:55

Mr Wilmott, the charges that are being levelled against your company

0:20:550:20:58

are pretty serious.

0:20:580:20:59

All right, Duncan Bannatyne, I'll deal with this.

0:20:590:21:03

We can all run a leisure centre...

0:21:030:21:05

..but this is Newsnight, love. I know how this works.

0:21:060:21:09

Wilmott-Brown...

0:21:110:21:13

Not my name.

0:21:140:21:15

Just one question...

0:21:150:21:17

did you take my last muffin?

0:21:170:21:19

-Excuse me?

-Did you take my last muffin, Wilmott-Brown?

0:21:220:21:25

-Sorry, is that your actual question?

-Did you take my last muffin?

0:21:250:21:28

-Look...

-Simple yes or no - did you take my last muffin?

0:21:280:21:30

-Could we just stay on topic?

-Answer the question, Wilmott-Brown.

0:21:300:21:33

-Did you take my last muffin?

-It's not about...

0:21:330:21:35

-Did you take my last muffin?

-I think...

0:21:350:21:37

-Did you or did you not take my last muffin?

-Mrs Taylor...

0:21:370:21:39

-Did you take my last muffin?

-Mrs...

-Did you take my last muffin?

0:21:390:21:42

Did you take my last muffin?

0:21:420:21:44

Fine! Yes, I took your last muffin.

0:21:440:21:46

And that is how it's done.

0:21:460:21:47

Time for the weather.

0:21:480:21:50

OK. I think maybe it's time we gave Ms Finch and Mr Wilmott

0:21:540:21:59

a bit of a chance to have their say.

0:21:590:22:01

Oh, right. Well, suit yourself.

0:22:010:22:03

Mr Wilmott, none of the tenants were offered any say

0:22:030:22:06

in where they would be relocated.

0:22:060:22:07

Well, that is blatantly not true.

0:22:070:22:09

You were all sent detailed letters explaining all of your options.

0:22:090:22:11

Our lack of options!

0:22:110:22:13

Well, if you can afford the rent, then nothing has to change.

0:22:130:22:16

New batch.

0:22:160:22:17

But, Mr Wilmott, the danger is you talk of progress

0:22:190:22:22

while ignoring all the people who it negatively impacts.

0:22:220:22:24

Exactly, Evan. We're being moved around like cattle,

0:22:240:22:27

while his company profits from it.

0:22:270:22:28

You make it sound like we're throwing you out on the street.

0:22:280:22:31

Oh, that is delicious.

0:22:350:22:36

Look, as far as we're concerned, this came out of nowhere.

0:22:360:22:39

-Moist.

-Look around you -

0:22:390:22:41

you are living in one of the richest boroughs in London...

0:22:410:22:44

-Moist and delicious.

-..and your building doesn't reflect that.

0:22:440:22:46

-Moist...

-But, Mr...

-..but still with a bit of a bite.

0:22:460:22:49

Mr Wilmott, that doesn't automatically mean

0:22:490:22:51

the homes have to follow suit, does it?

0:22:510:22:53

I won't be a minute.

0:22:540:22:55

This is the sort of the cold-hearted ruthlessness I'm talking about.

0:22:560:22:59

-It's not ruthless, it's realistic.

-It's injustice!

0:22:590:23:03

JOAN FARTS

0:23:030:23:05

JOAN CONTINUES TO FART

0:23:070:23:10

Oh! That was one I didn't want.

0:23:150:23:18

There is, of course, the very real issue of the locals

0:23:270:23:31

who can now no longer afford to live in their own area.

0:23:310:23:34

Exactly, Evan.

0:23:340:23:35

We can all pretend there's such a thing as a free market, but...

0:23:360:23:39

We can also pretend that...

0:23:390:23:41

..that money isn't important.

0:23:430:23:45

Cor blimey, crack a window, someone!

0:23:450:23:47

She's poisoning me!

0:23:490:23:51

Well, thank you all so much for coming in.

0:23:530:23:56

Don't worry, love, they'll edit you out.

0:24:000:24:02

Well, that's the end of the road.

0:24:050:24:07

We did what we could. It wasn't enough, and I'm sorry.

0:24:070:24:10

Oi, oi! Here she is! Victorious! Autographs later.

0:24:100:24:15

Victorious? Have you lost your mind? You've absolutely annihilated us.

0:24:150:24:19

How's that?

0:24:190:24:20

Every ounce of credibility we had is gone.

0:24:200:24:22

The campaign's dead in the water, we're a laughing stock.

0:24:220:24:25

Well, that's a bit harsh.

0:24:250:24:26

You farted on Newsnight...

0:24:260:24:30

for 11 seconds.

0:24:300:24:32

That could've been any one of us.

0:24:330:24:36

Well, I for one would certainly like to thank you, Joan.

0:24:360:24:38

Oh, what are you doing here? Come to gloat?

0:24:380:24:40

No, not at all. I'm very grateful for what you did.

0:24:400:24:42

Thanks to Joan here,

0:24:420:24:44

you all now have one month to vacate your premises -

0:24:440:24:47

-government-approved.

-TENANTS GRUMBLE

0:24:470:24:49

Oh...

0:24:490:24:51

Still, be that as it may,

0:24:520:24:55

are we all agreed it is in very bad form to take the last muffin?

0:24:550:24:59

No-one cares, Nan.

0:24:590:25:01

Do you not get this? We have lost our homes.

0:25:010:25:04

Oh, where's your fight? This ain't over!

0:25:040:25:08

Have I got to do everything myself?

0:25:080:25:11

I hope you're pleased with yourself, Mr Wilmott.

0:25:110:25:13

You don't know the meaning of the word community.

0:25:130:25:15

Community? You people wear that word like a medal,

0:25:150:25:19

like it means something.

0:25:190:25:20

It means that we're good, honest, hard-working people

0:25:200:25:26

who support each other no matter what our sexual orientation.

0:25:260:25:30

Be we straight...

0:25:320:25:34

lesbian...

0:25:340:25:36

..Vietnamese...

0:25:370:25:38

..head like a pig...

0:25:400:25:41

..or prostitute.

0:25:420:25:44

-Decent people who are prepared to fight to the end. TENANTS:

-Yeah.

0:25:450:25:50

No. Layabouts, abandoners, scum.

0:25:500:25:55

Well, I must admit, I do agree to a certain extent.

0:25:550:25:59

But nonetheless, it's time for action,

0:25:590:26:01

and you will see us united in chains rather than give up our homes, right?

0:26:010:26:07

-TENANTS:

-Yeah!

0:26:070:26:08

Oh, spare me the salt of the earth, we-take-care-of-our-own bit

0:26:080:26:13

because I know you don't.

0:26:130:26:14

And nothing makes me happier than to see

0:26:140:26:16

the people who abandoned me get what they deserve.

0:26:160:26:18

Well, I mean, look, these are a mess.

0:26:180:26:19

What do you mean abandoned?

0:26:190:26:21

Well, if you must know,

0:26:210:26:22

I was born right here on this estate,

0:26:220:26:25

but I wasn't raised here because...

0:26:250:26:26

Well, because my mother didn't want me.

0:26:260:26:28

That's the proud, upstanding community you're talking about.

0:26:280:26:31

What a load of old shit.

0:26:310:26:33

-So, did you ever find your mother?

-No. Don't even know her name.

0:26:330:26:36

All I do know is that

0:26:360:26:37

she's a selfish, heartless, inconsiderate monster.

0:26:370:26:40

Oh, and she had red hair.

0:26:400:26:42

I mean, I won't let them beat me.

0:26:450:26:47

Hold on a minute. So your mum was a nasty, selfish, abandoning woman

0:26:470:26:52

who lived on this estate... and had red hair?

0:26:520:26:55

What?

0:26:560:26:57

Mum?

0:27:000:27:01

Oh, don't look at me, love - mine was out of a bottle.

0:27:010:27:04

Son?

0:27:040:27:05

Mum?

0:27:060:27:08

Peggy?

0:27:080:27:09

Mum?

0:27:090:27:10

Course it's Peggy. Her knees ain't touched since 1952.

0:27:100:27:15

I am so sorry, son.

0:27:190:27:22

Oh, it broke my heart to give you up,

0:27:220:27:24

but you were born in a brothel - dem's da rules.

0:27:240:27:27

You don't know how long I've waited to hear those words.

0:27:270:27:30

Ugh!

0:27:310:27:32

Well, I can't believe this. I don't know what to say.

0:27:340:27:37

Well, what I do know is nobody's going to Stoke,

0:27:370:27:40

not on my watch.

0:27:400:27:42

You can all stay here!

0:27:420:27:43

THEY CHEER I did it! I saved the estate!

0:27:430:27:48

Come on, let's have a knees-up!

0:27:490:27:51

Wilmott-Brown, do the honours, son!

0:27:510:27:54

-ALL:

-# Oh, knees up, Wilmott-Brown

0:27:560:27:58

# Knees up, Wilmott-Brown

0:27:580:28:00

# Under the table you must go

0:28:000:28:02

-# Ee-aye, ee-aye, ee-aye-oh... #

-Who's got the keys?

0:28:020:28:04

I'm locked in!

0:28:040:28:05

Go and get the keys!

0:28:050:28:08

Get the fucking keys, someone.

0:28:080:28:09

# Knees up, Wilmott-Brown. #

0:28:090:28:11

Ain't this nice, hey?

0:28:150:28:17

You all right, Jaim?

0:28:170:28:19

Mm, mm...

0:28:190:28:21

Here, Lorna, you could've brought

0:28:210:28:22

one of your lesbian mates up here, you know, love - I don't mind.

0:28:220:28:26

I'm not a lesbian.

0:28:260:28:27

I don't know why you're so defensive, darling.

0:28:270:28:30

I mean, we were all at it during the war.

0:28:300:28:32

-You had to.

-Well, I must say I'm surprised.

0:28:330:28:36

Oh, yeah.

0:28:360:28:37

Me and Maggie Griffith, we were the first round here.

0:28:370:28:40

And it wasn't as accepted, you know, like it is nowadays.

0:28:400:28:44

They used to shout at us in the streets.

0:28:440:28:47

"Look out! The lesbians are here!"

0:28:470:28:49

Not lesbians, vegans.

0:28:510:28:53

I must say, Joan, you've shown a lot of character this week.

0:28:560:28:59

Oh, how's that, darling?

0:28:590:29:00

Well, there's not many people who've torn up a cheque

0:29:000:29:03

without even looking at it.

0:29:030:29:04

When did I do that?

0:29:040:29:05

When you turned down the 1.8 million?

0:29:050:29:06

How much?

0:29:080:29:09

1.8 million.

0:29:100:29:11

That's how much the cheque was for your flat.

0:29:110:29:14

1.8 million?

0:29:140:29:16

1.8 fucking million?

0:29:170:29:20

I'd tear the place down with me own bare hands

0:29:200:29:23

for 1.8 fucking million!

0:29:230:29:26

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