Browse content similar to Episode 4. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
This programme contains adult Hello. I'm Charlie Brooker and you
are watching Weekly Wipe. Britain's least comfortable man. David
Cameron was surprised by the reception he received from the One
Direction, but he he doesn't know he is beautiful. Scenes caught on
Panorama as Iceland's boss spells out his meat meat testing policy.
B beef. Obesity footage. And young British
backpacker finds himself stranded in Daybreak.
I am happy to say that Sam and his mum, Claire, join us from Australia.
We start here. The Catholic Church in shock as the
Pope says, "I quit.". The world's holiest man pulled the most
spectacular sickie. Reporters ran around telling everyone the news
about the Pope's resignation and let me tell you, they were shocked.
Truly shocked. Oh, I'm so shocked.
See! I mean who can believe it? The Pope has resigned. You are joking.
The Pope? Oh my god.
As you could see, papal traditions include being carted around in a
Perspex box and posing for merchandise, appearing on Jools
Holland and as captured on Vatican television, watching young men
peeling their clothes off, before forming a big tower as the nuns
look on. He had enough and announced his departure. I hope God
will give him a good reference. At least Benedict was polite enough
to resune. The last Pope just stopped showing up to work. We got
how good a Pope he was. Pope Benedict, a man of wisdom,
there is no such thing as instant wis do.
-- wisdom. Anyway, now the Pope had poped off,
the news was concern with who was next? Peck was old when he got the
-- Pope Benedict was old when he got the job.
The news began profiling the youthful new candidates in scenes
which resembled beat'em up. Peter Turkson wins.
Or a run-down of competitors in the over 75s category on X Factor.
Maybe Louis Walsh would come in and get them to form a group. There was
the possibility of a black Pope. A black Pope sounds like a new
Quentin Tarantino movie. I guess you could say it would be a dark
reboot for the Pope franchise if you were racist.
Anyway, we will have to wait until March to find out who is going to
play Popeman. You can tell when it has has happened because the white
smoke comes out and he comes out with a new head on, the Pope does
that. You are joking, the Pope? Oh my god.
You know what it is like when something you have seen gets
snapped up by Hollywood and makes it more violent and crowd pleasing,
well they have down that with a Raoul Moat story or the Christopher
Dorner story. He had the looks of Danny Glover and the insanity of
Mel Gibson. The US news was recounting this tale of a former LA
PD officer on the run vowing revenge against everyone he said
had crossed him. They present it had like a thriller. Of course, he
know has he is doing, we trained him.
A manhunt for one of his own. He was a member of the of the armed
forces. He is armed and dangerous.
Dorner vanish forcing the news to construct a full blown panic from a
handful of photographs and blurry CCTV and countless alarm graphics.
Some US news outfits went out of their way not to glorify the killer
with CNN's Anderson Cooper using the killer's name as little as
possible. Everybody knows the person's name.
A shot of the times these shooters want attention. They want their
names to live on. The news networks were flinging
every dorn every Dorner person. is a 300lb dummy. In is 300lbs.
This is a strong man? Right. And treated to reminders of his
arsenal. He Weaponry that he might be able to shoot into the sky. P.
If America banned guns, the only way for maniacs to become famous is
to sing on talent shows. Dorner's minute was being -- mind was being
probed. He is a classic 81 nar narsasist.
Thank you. A good interview.
What are you up to after the rampage? The news was pouring over
Dorner's manifesto. This Is my last resort the LAPD suppressed the
truth and it led to deadly consequences.
He listed celebrities he liked and praised Michelle Obama's new fringe.
As well as haircuts, he praised left-wingers like Mia Farrow and
Hillary Clinton. Dorner's admiration for left-wingers annoyed
Sean Hannity. Those on the left are dismissing the notion that his
shooting his rampage had anything to do with his political ideology.
Just Just because this guy liked left-wingers, I don't like him, I
blame them. You blame him. Yes, do I not blame
them. Gazza turned up offering to help out in the Raoul Moat story.
Christopher Dorner there, is Charlie Sheen. You mentioned me in
your manifesto. Thank you for your kind words. I am urging you to call
me. Let's figure out together how to end this thing.
We should work out to end this thing. If you ask me, this third
act is kind of depressing, Chris. The third act panned out like any
modern blockbuster, there was speeding cars and more guns and a
violent siege finale. Then as the vulture cam circled on
all news networks the police set fire to the cabin and Christopher
Dorner perished inside. Of course, this kind of thing has
become so repetitive in the US, it is a movie everyone has seen before
about 100 times and so it came to pass that as Christopher Dorner's
corpse burnt on live television, an unimpressed Bill O'Reilly through
languidly to a break. We believe that if the Associated
Press is correct that this guy is toast. All right, he is either
probably dead, either by suicide or the police got him. But we will
keep you posted and we will be back in a moment.
There was this programme called Wonderful Life which was about how
science did all the life. It was like this holiday thing where Marco
went out of Take That goes around the world and looks like things
like he is on an album cover or one of his unpopular solo projects. Tas
lovely holiday and then something goes wrong.
He is on his own and he looks like he is thinking and you are like,
this is trouble. And sure enough, he starts saying all this moody
stuff. What is it that makes something
alive? What is the difference between the living and the dead?
What is life... Well, my friend Paul went to Thailand, he a bad
pill and ended up crying and trying to run into the sea for three weeks
and this is just like that. It is like he had a bad pill. He walks
around all night, through a sort of burning graveyard until he starts
sounding all stoned and depressed. It is hard to accept when you die,
you will stop existing and you are, your life, the essence of you, is
just really something that emerges from an inan mat bag of stuff.
That's when his mind totally snaps and he spends the rest of his
holiday spiralling out of control. He builds stuff out of bottles.
stuff he says gets madder and madder until you are like, "Someone
has to step in and get this bloke help." The chicken is radiating
disorder out into the wider universe. And it is sad because he
really wants you to understand what he is on about. He doesn't know it
is pointless. Then he starts peaking and has all these crazy man
visions where he sees the whole galaxy in his head and he describes
this hippie stuff. Just by by being alive, we too, are
part of the process of energy transformation that drives the
evolution of the universe. And then he looks calm and you realise that
he thinks he found the meaning of life. Even though he is past help,
you think, "Fair enough mate, good for you. Enjoy the rest of your
holiday. Try and not to run into the sea.". I wonder what is going
on in the world? Our main store story at at least one meteor has
come down in sen Central London injuring at least 500 people.
Christ. Oh my god. Forgive me, I think said Central London, I meant
central Russia. Thank God for that. Russia has been
destroyed. This a series of pant browning
images, great God almighty tossed a rock at the Earth which resembled a
game of Angry Birds. News Channels had been in training for the end of
the world. The blast blew out windows and rocked offices and
disrupted charming school lessons and injured hundreds, but looked
amazing on telly. A massive asteroid was headed for
our fragile earth bauble and the scientists who were promise it
wouldn't hit us were the same ones who hadn't seen the Russian meteor
coming. The One Show put a clock on the
screen. Life continues. In the event, the near miss looked
painfully boring compared to the Michael story. Guess who has got
the highest score of all time on asteroids? Yes, that's right, the
Pope. You are joking, the Pope? Oh my god.
This is a poem about ast asteroid. An asteroid was heading to earth.
Obama bolt and The Queen hired a meeting room above a pub and after
some some some banter they hatched a plan. Russian timber and Indian
rope and then god himself would swing out and catch the asteroid in
the net and the French would eat it. Everyone on the planet who had an
access to a telly and an interest in current affairs tuned in to
watch their press conference, during which the asteroid hit and
everyone apart from some Eskimoes were wiped out. That particular
telly cast was all the Eskimoes spoke about as they fished for for
seals and drank heavily. You know who comes across well?
People in reality shows. I will tell you agrees with that statement,
Doug Stanhope. I am Doug Stanhope and that's why I
drink. At some point in the history of
reality TV, they realised as long as we have one as hole on the TV,
people will watch. We have a bunch of people who are going to sing
sing horrible songs so badly that you wouldn't want to hear them from
the original artist. If fucking Daniel came on my car stereo. Why
would I watch a show with amateurs? You will have a guy that that will
better will berate them? Once they have that formula set, they realise
we can use this in any setting for a reality show as long as there is
an ass hole. OK, we got an American chopper, you are watching people
build a motorcycle, how interesting can that be? Wait, the father is a
shit head and he is mean to everybody. Let's tune in again and
see how this goes. I am going to (BLEEP) We should have moved these
out, jackass. Ask yourself would I watch this in in real life? Would I
go to a pawn shop and stand around waiting for someone to cash in
their valuables to pay their fucking cable bill or buy more
rock? No. You would if you added an imba seal like this guy. They have
to have depleted the supply of dicks on the planet.
People aren't dicky enough. Storage Wars is a show where they they bid
on abandoned storage units. When he bids, he will go... 500 bucks.
1,000. That's all you got in this market?
You need to go to Dick School, my friend. You could take dick lessons.
Not only is this show a weak, carbon copy of Kitchen Nightmares
who had a dick in Gordon Ramsay. All he knows is he has to be a dick
so he is a dick all the time. How dare you pick up warm chicken
and pick up cheese with your hand and pick up spices with your hand.
Shame on you. Shut it down. Nobody eats.
He is an ass hole when he is talking to the camera. He can't
even turn it on. If these people don't shape up, I will fire
everyone one of them. I can't contain myself. He is not a
great employee, he is a lazy slob. Don't rope me into this. I am a guy
on a couch. All these shows have created a culture where people want
to be dicks. Kids are looking up at the TV going, "I hope I can be that
big of a dick one day." I hope I don't have to go to acting school.
I just have to be a really good fucking ass hole. Fuck Gary Oldman
this guy has to do work. This guy is a jerk off.
Royalty And as mucky foreign magazines publish pictures of
pregnant Kate, Quentin Letts condemn their publication.
They have published photos of our Kate and she has got her little
bump appearing, of course. There are people saying that this is an
invasion of privacy, I think they may have a point.
Quentin's argument - This Morning showed the shot.
This magazine should be called cheap.
And this programme is called This Morning. Perhaps thanks to that
bikini flash, it should be called This Porning.
Quentin was was prepared to stand up for the British press.
There has been a lot of talk about the rotten old British press and we
are beyond the the pail. The internet version of Quentin's
paper, the Daily Mail ran photos of woods of Evan Rachel Wood's unborn
baby. Thereby, unsetting a non- Royal pregnant woman. The day after
that, the Sun newspaper also flew the flag for British journalism by
running a different bikini snap on the front page of Jubious Judgement.
The press often treats women like whores or pieces of meat, or
whoresmeat. You know who likes horsemeat? You are joking, the
Pope? The decision by an Italian magazine to print snaps of a
pregnant duchess. This is what you think, it is your thoughts, your
words, your soul. It is Points of a view in Points Of View.
Printing pictures of pregnant women is impertinent particularly when
the woman involved is a Royal. She is indeed, the Queen's daughter,
the dim boa it -- dimbo Italians don't realise that. Not everyone
was overwhelmed with sympathy with Kate. Someone visited the Guardian
to say, "Enough of this shit. If this family wants to put itself as
the representative of GB, they can hardly complain when someone takes
photographs.". We will try and pass that on to the department
responsible. Skyfall came out on DVD this week. It is the 2,000th
film starring James Bond. It is the longest running franchise in movie
history if you don't count amateur pornography. In an odd departure,
he makes overtures to Bond. What makes you think this is my first
time? Oh, Mr Mr Bond. Alongside booms and bangs, there
are reminder that James Bond is a bit on the old side. Bond Superiors
discuss. You don't need to be an operative to see the obvious. It is
a young man's game. Skyfall doubles as a big budget on
whether the Bond archetype belongs in the 21st century. Yes, he does.
A shit load of people have to die to prove that point. Despite not
making much more sense than me going... Skyfall is entertaining
from start to bum end and has a bit where James Bond makes the most
most James Bondan entrance of all time. Well, he can do that kind of
thing. He is James Bond. Joining me are Jesse Armstrong and I see and
Izzy Suity. You carry a loaded firearm. Yes.
Have you got it on you? Yes. James Bond is like the guy who gets
a nosebleed. It is like Colin Staples.
I liked Skyfall. It was a good James Bond film. I think they are
for children, really, but you know, within the category of James Bond
films, I thought it was a good one. What I really like, there is no
sub-text really in the script or or the acting. If he is cross, he will
look cross. If he hurts his hand, he goes.
LAUGHTER There is a bit where he is holding
on to the lift and he goes... LAUGHTER
This is your definition of an enjoyable film. It is clear every
moment this is what is happening. Yes, everyone says what they mean
and everyone looks sad, happy or confused. There is a lot of
romancing that generally goes on in Bond films. There is not so much in
this one, but he walks into a woman's shower without... Asking
her. Asking her consent.
That bit is worrying, isn't it? It is constructed like a joke. There
is a woman who is sort of in sexual bondage to this man and then the
joke is somebody is walking up behind her, pressing themselves
against her and a, aah, it is all right, it is it is James Bond.
There would be a different tone if you could see James Bond'ser
rection. -- -- -- James Bond's erection. Or if he had half an
erection. Clearly, James Bond is a dick. He
is the sort of person, you would meet him at a barbecue and he would
be looking at his enormous watch and trying to move on and go home
and read his car magazine. I think he is just a wanker.
I can't imagine him making small talk at a barbecue.
I don't think he would would invest in a conversation for long.
Defecation and Andrex send Dawn Porter to foist bog roll on people.
I am here to talk about bums. Dawn Porter encourages them to plop
and white. Not as nice as I thought they would
What have you been eating? Horse. Andrex wants to promote a
conversation on bum wiping techniques by asking if we scrunch
toilet paper or fold it. Don't be square, scrunch.
Fabulous, fold. Scrunch like me, number three.
I can't wait for the next one if they ask if you ever got a bit of
shit shit on your fingers. This is the next step. First, it will it
will how do you wipe and next, can I watch you do it. Andrex will be
filming it on a smartphone. Behave. As the horsemeat scandal scandal
continues, the news continues to turn your TV into an abattoir. All
this meat coverage is the sort of thing that makes vegetarians happy
or it would if they had the energy to experience happiness. Sky News
had testimony from an informer in the meat industry, who turned out
to be the biggest meat whistle- blower since your mum. Horsemeat is
showing up everything where, you can't even pop out for a crafty fag
without finding horsemeat in your cigarette. The question is, where
is it all coming from from? The horsemeat scandal more fd into the
international horsemeat scandal as reporters pursued the trail of
edible hooves. Our food is locally sourced, but only in galactic terms.
Journalist touched down in France and eventually Romania. Any attempt
to get our cameras into abattoirs or meat processing factories in
Romania has been met with the same answer - no.
There was an indication that Romania is a medieval hamlet where
horses are used as machinery. The Romanian abattoir industry managed
to dig up the least convincing representative imagine imaginable.
A man smoking with a floor with an array of animal skulls.
Horsemeat. The end by beef meat. No sooner had the news landed in
foreign land then food food cops moved in. They raided premises in