Episode 2 Come Fly With Me


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Episode 2

David Walliams and Matt Lucas star in a comedy set in an airport. A 'sudden wing malfunction' delays FlyLo passengers on their way to Malaga.


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Transcript


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This series looks at life in one of Britain's busiest airports.

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On today's show, Flylo owner Omar Baba takes on his rivals.

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British Airways, you are the son of a whore. I spit on you.

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-Fearghal's flight hits turbulence.

-Is that your wee sick bag?

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OK, thanks for that.

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Someone had lasagne, didn't they?

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And Friends' star David Schwimmer has trouble at Customs.

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Good morning, good morning...

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It's 8am and airline owner Omar Baba is launching an unbelievable transatlantic deal.

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Today I announce the launch of the Flylo £1 flight to New York!

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Yes, you are correct! £1 to New York City.

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(With a small booking fee of £480.)

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In an effort to make his service more attractive to business passengers,

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Omar is introducing brand new flat beds across his entire fleet.

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OK, it looks like normal seat, but is a flat bed at the press of the button.

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Well, good night.

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Wake me up when we get to Birmingham.

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HE SNORES

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The early morning Our Lady Air flight from Cork has hit turbulence,

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but cabin crew member Fearghal is quick to reassure his passengers.

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Hello, is your name Holly?

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Your mummy tells me you've been feeling a wee bit scared, is that right?

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Yeah, she just gets a bit frightened, especially with all the turbulence.

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Oh, you don't need to worry about that. That's just like a wee little pocket of air.

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-Like driving along a bumpy road.

-You see?

-Yeah.

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I've got somebody who's going to look after you, would you like to meet him? Yeah?

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Hello, my names Brandon O'Bear, I'd like to be your best friend.

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-Say thank you.

-Thank you.

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35 euro.

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Next, please.

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Meanwhile, over at the Flylo check-in, Melody is faced with a common problem.

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Oh, I'm sorry, madam, your case is too heavy to go in the hold, madam.

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I'm going to have to ask you, madam, to remove some items from the case, please, madam.

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Madam.

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How's that now?

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Still over, I'm afraid, madam.

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'All we hear from passengers is that they don't like the new baggage allowance rules,'

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but honestly, what do you really need to take on holiday?

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Some Hawaiian Tropic, a couple of pairs of bikini bottoms

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and a pregnancy testing kit.

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-I'm very sorry, madam, it's still too heavy.

-How much over is it?

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Five kilos. New Flylo rules.

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New baggage allowance is outlined very clearly on the Flylo website, madam.

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I was just about to tell the lady that.

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What my colleague should have informed you, madam, is that it does state very clearly

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on the Flylo website that before you travel you do need to check the Flylo website, madam.

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-I didn't realise.

-www.Flylo.co.uk...

-Right.

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-.com.org.net.com...

-Right.

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Then .com again. It's very simple, www.Flylo.co.uk.com.org.net.com.com.

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-Yes, thank you, Keeley.

-Always happy to help, Melody.

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Still over, I'm afraid.

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Ah! That's fine now, madam. Have a good flight. Next, please.

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Since they've both been up for the job of check-in manager,

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tensions have arisen between the two best friends.

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If I get promoted as check-in manager, well,

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when I get promoted as check-in manager,

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I'm going to use the extra money to have a breast enhancement.

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I actually had mine done when I was 12.

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I could only afford to get one done, so I had this one done at Christmas.

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I went from a D to an F, but if I get promoted I can have this one done as well.

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Yeah, see if you can do a deal with the surgeon and get him to do your face at the same time.

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On the other side of the airport, Flylo employee Taaj has just been told of a serious plane malfunction.

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See what happened was was we was just getting the plane out of the hanger

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and the wing fell off, so what they've got to do is stick the wing back on the plane,

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but they've got to get themselves some special aeroplane glue, isn't it?

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So there's going to be a little bit of a delay, but thing is, I don't want to tell passengers this

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because it might make them tiny bit nervous,

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so I've just been thinking of other things that I can tell them instead.

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Excuse me?

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-Yes, boss?

-What's the delay?

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Erm, a volcano has erupted in Bradford and is spewing out all ash and that.

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We've had a phone call from a women who lives near the airport,

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and she's having a barbeque today, and she says please can we have

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no planes flying overhead because it's a bit noisy.

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We've run out of Appletize, so it's not safe to travel.

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The pilot parked the plane and he can't remember where he left it.

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One of the stewards has got eczema so it would be a bit risky, isn't it?

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It's quite dark and the pilot is worried about flying the plane in case he can't see anything.

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-Oh, really?

-Yeah, really, how would you like to fly a plane at night?

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The pilot's still at home. He's watching Avatar on DVD and didn't realise how long it was.

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One of the stewards is a batty boy and he's just found out

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his boyfriend's been bumming someone else and he's just crying and crying, so we can't fly.

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That's ridiculous. I want a full refund.

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-But we cannot give a refund because it is an act of God, isn't it?

-How is that an act of God?

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God made him batty.

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Come on, come on, boy.

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Mickey and Buster, the airport's paparazzi, have just received

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a tip-off that a very important passenger is about to touch down.

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Her Majesty the Queen.

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-Yeah, love the Queen.

-Lovely old Queen.

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Thing about the Queen is she's done nothing but good for this country,

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and when you see her on a postage stamp you can't help thinking,

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-"Oh! She's a fine looking woman." I would.

-I would an' all.

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-In fact, I'd take a photo of you doing it.

-That's very kind of you.

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-Be lovely to have a memento.

-Yeah, I'm a traditional royalist, you know what I mean?

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When the National Anthem comes on, I'm always first on my feet. Yeah.

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# God save our gracious dum Long live our noble dum

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# Dum dum dum Queen

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# Land of hope and dum dum.

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# Rule Bri-dum dum # Britannia rules the dum... #

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PHONE RINGS

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Oh, hold up, what's going on?

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-Who is it?

-Hello, hello. Oh, you're joking.

-Who is it? Who is it?

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-Who's joking?

-Oh, you're joking. You're having a laugh!

-Who's having a laugh?

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The Queen has got straight off her plane into her Daimler.

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-She's half way round the M25. We're not going to get a picture now.

-She's gone right up herself.

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-I can't help thinking this whole Queen thing's has gone to her head.

-Cow.

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All we was going to do was get a nice little shot of her,

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crown on her head, corgi either side, showing a nice of bit of cleavage...

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Boom, 50 quid from the Daily Star.

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And if she's showing a bit of leg, we could flog it to Nuts Magazine. But no.

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No, she's forgetting the fans. People like us who put her where she is today.

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These celebrities complain about the paparazzi, but it's a two-way street, ain't it?

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-Yeah, it's a two way street.

-Would she still be Queen if we didn't photograph her?

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-Yeah.

-Yeah, I suppose she would yeah...

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-Yeah, she's the Queen after all.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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Ian Foot is the airport's chief immigration officer.

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His job is to prevent illegal immigrants from entering the UK.

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Working in immigration,

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you do sometimes get labelled with the racism tag.

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I do take my job very seriously, but I'm not in any way racist.

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In fact, one of my best friends is friends with a man who's black.

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And he's very black.

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Oh, yeah. Man, he's black, yeah.

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Earlier today, Ian stopped a passenger at passport control

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whom he believes is trying to gain unlawful access into the country.

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Do you understand

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why I have brought you here?

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No, I don't.

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Well, it's clear to me that you've got a forged passport.

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-No, I haven't.

-Oh, it's a forgery, all right.

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A very good one, I'll grant you that.

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-But, er, there is one slight giveaway.

-And what is that?

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-There is no such country as Liberia.

-Yes, there is, it's in Africa.

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Oh, in Africa, you say.

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It's on a map, look on a map.

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All right, I will look on a map.

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Yeah, I think I'm going to enjoy this.

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Right.

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-Liberia, you say?

-Yes.

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We've got a new one, Chris, Liberia.

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Africa. Africa.

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Africa... Africa, Right, OK.

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So, Mrs Mbutu,

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would you be so kind as to point out

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the location of this so-called Liberia?

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There.

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Oh, yes. Just hidden underneath Sierra Leone.

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What I'm going to do is, I'm going to let you in this time,

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but I would advise you, in future, to travel with a large atlas or globe

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so you can prove to people you haven't made up your country. Good day.

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This is disgraceful.

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-Right.

-You are a very ignorant man.

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-All right.

-I am disgusted by the way that I have been treated.

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-OK.

-May I leave now?!

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Yes.

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You have insulted the people of my country.

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Yeah, I'm actually on my lunch break now, so anything else you say doesn't really count.

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Oh!

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Don't know what rattled her cage.

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People come from far and wide to work at the airport.

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Tommy is obsessed with planes, and it's always been his dream to work in the aviation industry.

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I really, really want to be a pilot,

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but I found out that you have to have passed lots of exam...examinin...

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tests to be one. So what I've decided to do instead

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is to get myself a job at the airport then work my way up to being a pilot.

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Er, cheeseburger.

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Press cheeseburger.

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Large chocolate milkshake.

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Press large chocolate milkshake.

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Chicken nuggets.

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Press chicken nuggets.

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Two apple pies.

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Press apple pie.

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Press it again.

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I found it quite complicated, but now I've served my first customer,

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I think I'm definitely on my way to becoming a pilot.

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Now ask, "Would you like fries with that?"

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-Would you like fries with that?

-Yeah, not me. Him.

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So next time you're on a plane, listen out because you might hear a voice saying,

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"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board, this is Captain Tommy speaking.

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"Would you like fries with that?"

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Meanwhile, there have been reports of a serious incident in duty free,

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and the police are on site within minutes.

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We've had reports of a gentleman who's very drunk and has been abusive to members of staff.

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I'll have a can of whiskey. I tell you what, give us a kiss.

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It's all right, Margaret, I'll deal with it. Calm down, please, sir.

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I just want one bottle of whiskey. What's the matter?

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You appear to be very drunk and you've been abusive to members of staff.

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I'll admit I've had a drink. I've had a drink. I won't fool you.

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-I've had a drink.

-I need to escort you out of the terminal.

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I'm not going. Me plane goes in half an hour.

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We need to take you outside, get you some fresh air inside you and some black coffee.

0:12:370:12:41

All right. I'll go.

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I fly better when I've had a couple of drinks, anyway, you know what I mean.

0:12:460:12:49

Oh, I'll be all right, once I get up there. I'll open the window.

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The Our Lady Air flight to Dublin is boarding.

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-Morning.

-Morning.

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And Fearghal is breaking in a new steward.

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I'm really excited about today as it goes,

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cos I just qualified as a steward and this is my first ever flight

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and, you know, being a steward is great, you know,

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and the money's not bad, you get to travel a lot and, er, meet loads of birds. All right.

0:13:110:13:16

'Lasagne or coq au vin?'

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Lasagne or coq au vin?

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Hah... I had coq au vin last night.

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-Oh, right?

-Yeah, my friend's just bought a transit.

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Lasagne or coq au vin?

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'I might be wrong, but I got a feeling'

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that the guy I'm working with could be gay.

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Get you!

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I ain't got nothing against 'em, but I'm not one myself, so what

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I'm going to do is I'm going to subtly mention that I'm straight

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and hope he gets the message.

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Any duty free for you today?

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Any duty free for you today?

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-Any duty free for you today?

-Any duty free for you today?

0:13:500:13:54

-Any duty free for you today?

-Any duty free for you today?

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Any duty free for you today?

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Yes, some Chanel No5, please.

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Oh, certainly, madam, there you go.

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That's what my girlfriend likes.

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-Oh, right?

-Yeah, I buy it for my girlfriend.

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Cos my girlfriend likes it, cos I really love my GIRLFRIEND.

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Great.

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Girlfriend!

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'I don't know what it is about Lee,'

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but I'm getting quite a gay vibe from him.

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Mind you, you know what they say.

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What's the difference between a straight man and a bisexual?

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Two pints of lager.

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-Another pint of lager?

-Yeah, all right.

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Before their return flight tomorrow,

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-Lee and Fearghal have been booked into a hotel in Dublin.

-Bottoms up.

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-Ain't you drinking?

-No, I like to stay in control.

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# You raise me up

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# So I can stand on mountains

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# You raise me up

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# To walk on stormy sea... #

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It's 8am and back at the airport, coffee kiosk employee Precious

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is faced with the morning rush...

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Come on! Shoo!

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..but she's having to close early.

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Problem today, we got no paper cup.

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We got coffee, we got milk, we got water, we got fire, we got sugar,

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we got sweetener, we got chocolate sprinkle but we got no paper cup.

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Well, we suppose we got no option but to spend the rest of the day playing

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on the fruit machines with the petty cash from the till.

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Praise the lord for the £30 jackpot.

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Closed. Oh, don't worry, me going to give all me winnings to the church.

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On the third day he rose again.

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Hallelujah.

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# Kumbaya my Lord Kumbaya

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# Kumbaya my Lord Kumbaya

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# Kumbaya my Lord Kumbaya

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# Oh Lord Kumbaya. #

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Over at the check-in desks, Melody and Keeley are hard at work.

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To be honest, I really took this job because I wanted to travel.

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I felt I needed to broaden my horizons, and this year I've already

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flown to Birmingham, Manchester and had a week in Luton.

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Since the opportunity for promotion has arisen, Keeley has been keeping

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-a close eye on her friend's performance.

-Thank you.

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Melody, you didn't ask the security questions.

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-Oh, sorry, sir. I forgot to ask you the security questions.

-OK.

0:16:310:16:34

-Did you pack the case yourself?

-No.

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-Could anyone have interfered with your luggage at any point?

-Yes.

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-Did anyone ask you to bring anything onto the aircraft?

-Yes.

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Does your bag contain any lighters, aerosols or any sharp objects?

0:16:420:16:46

-Yes, all of those.

-Good. Enjoy the flight.

0:16:460:16:49

Yes, I think what happened earlier with the security questions does show that whichever

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one of us does get Helen's job, it's probably better if it's someone with experience.

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I think experience is important, but I know

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in my short time at the company I have already made a big impact.

0:17:020:17:05

I don't know if you've seen this.

0:17:050:17:07

This is the Flylo Hotties calendar that was brought out last year.

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Omar Baba personally selected all the sexiest girls who work for the airline.

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And I was actually Miss October.

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You weren't asked to do that, were you, Keeley?

0:17:180:17:20

No, I wasn't, Melody, but I probably wouldn't get involved

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with something like that because I think it's quite down market.

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You posted that video of you and your boyfriend on You Porn.

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That was artistic.

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Simon and Jackie Trent are Britain's first husband and wife pilot team.

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Five years ago Simon had an affair,

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but the couple are keen to put the incident behind them.

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Having re-trained as a pilot, Jackie now accompanies Simon on all his flights.

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Yeah, well, obviously it can be stressful.

0:17:470:17:49

You live together, you work together.

0:17:490:17:52

I don't find it stressful.

0:17:520:17:53

What I'm saying is, you know, sometimes there is that danger

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that you've had a row at home and you bring it into work.

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No. Not a problem for me.

0:17:590:18:01

'Swiftbird. 240 degrees to intercept the ILS.'

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240 to intercept the ILS. Swiftbird.

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'Swiftbird. When established, clear to descend on the ILS,

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'runway 27, right. Report at four Delta.'

0:18:150:18:18

Clear to descend on the ILS, Swiftbird.

0:18:180:18:21

Can I just say you've got a really lovely voice?

0:18:230:18:26

'Er, thank you.'

0:18:260:18:28

Yeah, you've just got really lovely velvety tones.

0:18:280:18:32

-'Thanks.'

-I'm First Officer Jackie Trent, by the way.

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'Oh. Um. I'm Nigel Stowe.

0:18:370:18:39

'Nice to speak to you, Jackie. Out.'

0:18:390:18:41

Are you on Facebook?

0:18:430:18:44

-'Repeat that. Over.'

-Are you on Facebook? Over.

0:18:460:18:49

-Jackie...

-I just really want to see what you look like.

0:18:490:18:52

'Er, for the record, I'm tall, I've got black hair and a moustache.'

0:18:530:18:58

You sound hot. Over.

0:18:580:18:59

Jackie, we've begun our descent. I need you to concentrate.

0:18:590:19:02

Oh, excuse me, Simon! I'm not the one who screwed someone else!

0:19:020:19:07

-'Just to say you're clear for final approach.'

-Thank you.

0:19:130:19:16

-Did you Sky+ Strictly?

-Yes.

0:19:190:19:22

Back in the terminal, Taaj is helping Flylo passengers check-in as quickly as possible.

0:19:220:19:27

Is you travelling with just hand luggage?

0:19:270:19:29

-Is you travelling with just hand luggage?

-No.

0:19:290:19:32

-Is you travelling with just hand luggage?

-No.

0:19:320:19:34

Is you travelling with just hand luggage?

0:19:340:19:36

-Is you travelling with just hand luggage?

-Yes.

-You is?

0:19:360:19:39

OK, come with me madam because we can now check you in electrono-logically, isn't it?

0:19:390:19:44

But I do need to make sure that your bag fits into the overhead locker.

0:19:440:19:48

Well, it's not going to fit in there, is it?

0:19:480:19:51

Oh. Oh, no. Well, you better join the back of the queue then, isn't it?

0:19:510:19:56

This is ridiculous! You couldn't get anything in there.

0:19:560:19:59

No, I know. Me and my mates was mucking about last night. I couldn't even get me cock in it.

0:19:590:20:04

Moses looks after first and business class passengers for Great British Air.

0:20:070:20:11

He's just been alerted that there's a very nervous flyer on board

0:20:110:20:15

this flight to Budapest, which is ready for take off.

0:20:150:20:18

-Are you my frightened lady?

-Yes.

0:20:180:20:21

Do you mind if I just perch my little bottom down here?

0:20:210:20:25

Have you been offered a small glass of fresh orange juice

0:20:250:20:28

-and a complimentary browse of the Daily Mail?

-Yes, thank you.

0:20:280:20:32

OK, my love.

0:20:320:20:33

Now I'm going to give you a few facts about flight safety

0:20:330:20:37

just to put your mind at rest, if you'll pardon the pun?

0:20:370:20:39

Please.

0:20:390:20:42

Do you know how many planes actually went down last year?

0:20:420:20:46

I don't know.

0:20:460:20:48

-Have a guess.

-I don't really want to think about it.

0:20:480:20:51

-Go on.

-Five?

0:20:510:20:54

-More than that.

-Ten?

0:20:540:20:58

More than that.

0:20:580:20:59

50?

0:20:590:21:01

-A lot more than that.

-150?

0:21:010:21:03

-Little bit less.

-140?

0:21:030:21:05

122.

0:21:050:21:07

That's all.

0:21:070:21:08

And do you know how many planes were lost at sea last year?

0:21:080:21:12

I don't know.

0:21:120:21:13

Nine. OK, this is a fun one.

0:21:130:21:15

-No, thank you. I don't want to do this any more.

-No, no, no. This is a nice one.

0:21:150:21:19

Do you know how many planes were accidentally shot down in military exercises?

0:21:190:21:25

-I wouldn't want to think about that.

-Four.

0:21:250:21:28

OK? So I hope those little facts have put your mind at rest.

0:21:280:21:32

Happy flighting.

0:21:320:21:33

'Ladies and gentleman if you could just make sure your seatbelts

0:21:350:21:38

'are fastened as we've just been given clearance of take off.'

0:21:380:21:43

Budget airline Flylo have recently started selling holidays.

0:21:430:21:48

Judith and Peter were among the first customers to enjoy a Flylo cruise.

0:21:480:21:51

We'd like to make a formal complaint, please.

0:21:510:21:54

-Excuse me, Peter.

-Sorry, Judith.

0:21:540:21:55

We'd like to make a formal complaint, please.

0:21:550:21:58

We have had the cruise from hell!

0:21:580:22:00

-When we boarded...

-Peter!

-Sorry, Judith.

0:22:000:22:03

When we boarded the Flylo cruise liner,

0:22:030:22:05

we were shown to our quarters in the bowels of the ship.

0:22:050:22:09

Only to discover that our cabin was flooded waist-deep with seawater.

0:22:090:22:13

But we thought, "Ho hum, let's get on with it.

0:22:130:22:15

-"It's only our bottom halves that are going to get wet."

-So we set sail...

0:22:150:22:19

-Peter, I'm talking. It's very rude.

-Sorry, Judith.

0:22:190:22:22

We set sail and we'd only just left the port at Athens when it emerged

0:22:220:22:26

that all 780 passengers on board the vessel had contracted dysentery.

0:22:260:22:30

You had to queue for 14 hours...

0:22:300:22:32

Peter, you and I are going to come to blows in a minute.

0:22:320:22:35

You had to queue for 14 hours to use the lavatories.

0:22:350:22:38

Well, we'd been waiting 13 hours and it was very nearly our turn

0:22:380:22:41

when we heard gunshots and discovered the boat had been boarded by pirates.

0:22:410:22:45

-They rounded up all the passengers...

-Peter!

0:22:450:22:49

They rounded up all the passengers on deck and singled out Peter and I

0:22:490:22:53

and took us hostage, which meant we missed the buffet.

0:22:530:22:56

We were then taken to a room and told that one of us

0:22:560:22:59

was going to have to perform sexual acts upon the pirates at gunpoint.

0:22:590:23:02

Well, I popped my hand in the air and volunteered Peter,

0:23:020:23:06

but before my husband had a chance to engage in anything other than

0:23:060:23:09

mild foreplay with three of the men the boat was stormed by the Greek coast guard.

0:23:090:23:14

There was a shoot-out. Bodies everywhere and just as I thought,

0:23:140:23:17

"Surely this cruise can't get any worse,"

0:23:170:23:20

we discovered that the cabaret that night was John Barrowman.

0:23:200:23:23

That's when I broke down.

0:23:230:23:25

It's 4pm and although it's been several hours since Precious

0:23:280:23:32

was forced to close the coffee kiosk, she's still at the airport.

0:23:320:23:36

Oh, a very bad thing just happened.

0:23:360:23:39

I was playing on me Deal Or No Deal fruit machine.

0:23:390:23:42

You know the television show with that nice Christian boy Noel Edmonson?

0:23:420:23:46

Well the Devil must've got inside Noel cos he just thieved £180 of the petty cash from me.

0:23:460:23:51

Well, don't worry because I'm going to win all the money back.

0:23:510:23:54

Have you got change of a £10 note?

0:23:540:23:56

Quick as you can, my love.

0:23:560:23:58

I don't have £10, I've only got £5.

0:23:580:24:01

There's a place for you in heaven.

0:24:010:24:03

Hey! Get away from that fruit machine! I've got my money in there!

0:24:030:24:07

Gambling is the Devil's work.

0:24:070:24:10

Come on, Noel.

0:24:100:24:12

Our Lady Air cabin crew Fearghal and Lee are working the return flight from Dublin.

0:24:120:24:18

-Croissant or muesli?

-Croissant or muesli?

0:24:180:24:21

Croissant or muesli?

0:24:210:24:22

-Croissant or muesli?

-Croissant or muesli?

0:24:220:24:25

What happened last night was very much a one-off.

0:24:250:24:28

I've told Fearghal that.

0:24:280:24:30

I think just cos you have sex with a guy don't make you a gay.

0:24:300:24:34

Lee certainly knows how to please a man.

0:24:340:24:36

It was mind-blowing. He threw me round the room like a rag doll.

0:24:360:24:39

It was the most intense, animalistic, erotic encounter of my life.

0:24:390:24:44

Hope me girlfriend don't see this.

0:24:480:24:50

David Schwimmer has been stopped and searched at Customs.

0:24:560:25:00

The Friends star was attempting to smuggle a large number of illegal items into the country.

0:25:000:25:05

One copy Chicks With Dicks.

0:25:050:25:08

One copy She-male Orgy.

0:25:080:25:12

-One copy Tranny Mania.

-Tranny Mania.

0:25:120:25:15

One copy She-male Orgy 3.

0:25:150:25:19

One copy Lady Boy Lick Fest.

0:25:190:25:21

Final item - one copy She-male Sandwich.

0:25:210:25:25

Right. You're aware these items are illegal in the UK.

0:25:270:25:30

In which case would you care to explain to me why you have attempted to bring them into the country?

0:25:300:25:35

Well, this is very, very difficult for me because I don't want to get someone else in trouble...

0:25:350:25:42

but...they're actually a present for a friend.

0:25:420:25:49

-Which friend?

-Matt Le Blanc.

0:25:490:25:52

Matt Le Blanc?

0:25:520:25:54

That's correct.

0:25:540:25:56

It's sad, but erm,

0:25:560:26:00

he really can only become aroused when watching this sort of material.

0:26:000:26:06

Have you watched any of these films?

0:26:060:26:08

I have and I found it absolutely disgusting.

0:26:090:26:14

-Which of the DVDs did you watch, Mr Schwimmer?

-All of them.

0:26:140:26:17

All of them.

0:26:170:26:19

I was very curious as to what kind of films Matt had asked me to buy for him.

0:26:190:26:26

-Really?

-Mm-hmm.

0:26:260:26:28

You know the stories actually do kind of drag you in.

0:26:290:26:34

You know, will the pool get cleaned?

0:26:340:26:38

-You do realise that we have no option but to confiscate these items?

-Yeah, I do, I do.

0:26:380:26:42

And actually I'm glad because when Matt sees this on TV

0:26:420:26:47

he will understand that what he asked me to do is utterly unacceptable.

0:26:470:26:51

In fact, can I,

0:26:510:26:54

can I just address the camera for a second?

0:26:540:26:57

Matt, this is your friend David Schwimmer.

0:26:570:27:01

You've got a problem, buddy,

0:27:010:27:03

and I'm...

0:27:030:27:06

I mean you... Look, you're sick and you need help

0:27:060:27:09

and I will do everything within my power to help you get help.

0:27:090:27:14

Thank you.

0:27:140:27:16

Thank you.

0:27:160:27:17

Thank you all.

0:27:170:27:19

You guys are doing an excellent, an excellent job here

0:27:190:27:23

-and I really appreciate it.

-Sit down, sir.

0:27:230:27:26

They're for Jennifer Anniston.

0:27:260:27:28

And so another eventful day at the airport draws to a close.

0:27:320:27:37

Captain Stirick had a strong coffee and flew the airbus to Vienna.

0:27:370:27:42

Omar's flatbeds scheme went down like a cup of cold sick.

0:27:430:27:47

And David Schwimmer was admitted to a clinic in Arizona

0:27:490:27:52

to treat his addiction to transsexual pornography.

0:27:520:27:56

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:110:28:14

E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk

0:28:140:28:18

Life in the country's busiest air terminal continues to be documented by the team that brought you Little Britain. For months, the BBC's cameras have followed people at check-in, in departures, on the runway, and to the toilet. This is what they found.

Also featuring Tommy, Happy Burger's newest employee and pilot-to-be, and the story of what went so badly wrong for Peter and Judith on their FlyLo cruise.