1. Home
  2. Comedy
  3. Comedy Feeds
  4. 2012
  5. The Tapeface Tapes

The Tapeface Tapes Comedy Feeds

The Tapeface Tapes

Similar Content

Browse content similar to The Tapeface Tapes. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript

LineFromTo

Are you watching?

0:00:050:00:08

MACHINE BEEPS

0:00:250:00:28

CAMERA HUMS

0:00:310:00:33

DOOR CREAKS

0:00:430:00:45

BEEPING AND WHIRRING

0:00:510:00:54

STATIC FIZZLING

0:01:010:01:05

TELEVISIONS CHATTER

0:01:080:01:14

Raaaargh!

0:02:340:02:37

Urgh! Urgh!

0:02:370:02:38

Waaah!

0:02:380:02:41

Meep! Meep!

0:02:410:02:43

Euurgh!

0:02:430:02:44

BEEPING AND WHIRRING

0:02:530:02:56

ALARMS RING AND BUZZ

0:02:560:02:57

He doesn't seem to be doing very well.

0:03:000:03:03

-CROWD BOOING

-Who are you supposed to be?

0:03:030:03:06

You look like that guy... from that TV show, the, uh...

0:03:060:03:08

I think he is getting better, don't you?

0:03:080:03:11

What was the name of the show?

0:03:110:03:12

It escapes me right now. But trust me, you look just like him.

0:03:120:03:16

Am I right? OK, you guys suck as well!

0:03:160:03:18

BOOING

0:03:180:03:20

CHEERING

0:03:200:03:22

I'm back!

0:03:240:03:26

That was Joey Delaware there. You know what? I like some of his stuff.

0:03:260:03:33

I thought he was... All right, all right!

0:03:330:03:38

-Boy, what a day I have had today.

-LAUGHTER

0:03:380:03:40

That's right, I'm opening up, old school!

0:03:400:03:44

I have had quite the day, today. I haven't, this is all a lie!

0:03:440:03:47

Stay with it! I have had quite the day, today.

0:03:470:03:51

First thing I did when I woke up this morning, dislocated my jaw.

0:03:510:03:54

Yeah.

0:03:540:03:56

Got up my pet python, swallowed him whole in one go!

0:03:560:04:00

-LAUGHTER

-See how he likes it for a change!

0:04:000:04:04

Pow!

0:04:050:04:07

"But Tony, that is a dangerous to open up the show.

0:04:070:04:09

"What with that bit being so poor and all."

0:04:090:04:11

Oh, I know.

0:04:110:04:13

I know, I did that on purpose. That's cos I am dangerous.

0:04:130:04:15

I'm a danger dog!

0:04:150:04:18

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome onto the stage,

0:04:180:04:22

The Boy With Tape On His Face!

0:04:220:04:24

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:04:240:04:27

ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS

0:04:320:04:36

RAPID SCRATCHING NOISE

0:04:480:04:52

Hello, ocean! Who will win this time?

0:05:010:05:05

SPLASH

0:05:060:05:07

ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS

0:05:070:05:12

HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS # This is a throwdown, a showdown

0:05:360:05:39

# Come on, I can't slow down It's gonna go down

0:05:390:05:42

# First offence!

0:05:420:05:44

# On the mix!

0:05:440:05:45

# Go on and...breakdown!

0:05:450:05:47

# OK, party people in the house

0:05:470:05:49

# Can I have your attention please?

0:05:490:05:51

# Music that is played in many parts

0:05:510:05:53

# Go on and...breakdown!

0:05:530:05:56

# One...

0:05:590:06:00

# Two...

0:06:000:06:01

# Three... #

0:06:010:06:03

MIMICS VINYL SCRATCHING EFFECT

0:06:030:06:07

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:06:160:06:18

PIANO PLAYS

0:06:260:06:28

-RECORDING:

-'Man versus machine.

0:06:450:06:47

'Man versus machine.'

0:06:500:06:53

LAUGHTER

0:07:270:07:31

'Man versus machine. Round 1 - fight.'

0:07:320:07:37

CHEERING

0:08:020:08:05

CHEERING

0:08:200:08:24

ALL: Yeah!

0:09:470:09:48

'I'd like to speak to you now about a friend of mine.

0:10:140:10:18

'A time-travelling sausage dog called Cartridge Davidson.

0:10:180:10:21

'A lot of people say to me, "Tony, how do you achieve time travel?"

0:10:220:10:26

'I host a 1950s theme party full of sausage dogs...'

0:10:260:10:30

You need around 38 of them to get that party started.

0:10:320:10:36

At noon, you get them on the brandy because they love a drink

0:10:370:10:40

and then at 5 o'clock in the evening, introduce the hula hoop.

0:10:400:10:44

When those drunk little bastards start spinning their long,

0:10:450:10:48

weird bodies, a worm-hole will open up.

0:10:480:10:52

Any of you who know anything about science will know exactly what I mean.

0:10:520:10:57

One time, I lost my dog while time travelling.

0:10:570:11:01

We'd gone back to ancient Egypt where they'd turned him into a god.

0:11:010:11:05

They even made statues of him.

0:11:050:11:08

In the Roman Republic, he became chummy with the dictator Sulla.

0:11:080:11:13

They put him in the senate.

0:11:130:11:14

Meanwhile, I'm down the road mucking out the horses.

0:11:140:11:19

They came and stole me from my village

0:11:190:11:21

and turned me into a gladiator.

0:11:210:11:25

Cartridge Davidson the senator who had the ear of the dictator

0:11:250:11:29

Sulla knew all about this and let it go on for a week.

0:11:290:11:33

He could have used his power

0:11:330:11:35

and influence at any moment to stop it, but, no, he thought it was funny.

0:11:350:11:40

Well, it wasn't funny. It was bloody dangerous.

0:11:400:11:44

All those times stuck under that net whole the gladiators

0:11:440:11:47

with their tridents were teasing and mocking me.

0:11:470:11:51

They don't tell you about the sarcasm in gladiator movies.

0:11:510:11:55

Anyway, to cut a long and entirely fictional story short,

0:11:550:12:01

Cartridge Davidson stayed back in the Viking era

0:12:010:12:04

with his effeminate friend Thorag.

0:12:040:12:07

I guess, in the end, I didn't lose him. Cartridge Davidson just left me.

0:12:070:12:13

CHEERING

0:12:170:12:21

Man, Delaware's stinking it out.

0:12:320:12:35

I ain't saying he's big, but, how big is he?

0:12:350:12:40

Jeez, he's big.

0:12:400:12:42

BOOING

0:12:420:12:45

JEERING

0:12:480:12:50

CHEERING

0:12:500:12:53

Joey's... I thought he was great.

0:12:560:12:58

I enjoyed some of it.

0:12:580:13:01

Good old Joey.

0:13:010:13:04

BOOING

0:13:080:13:12

Figures.

0:13:120:13:14

Have you guys noticed this moon? Every time...

0:13:140:13:17

It seems like once a month at least, you look outside, there's the moon.

0:13:170:13:22

What the frick's it doing there?! It's always following me.

0:13:220:13:25

I go inside, I come back out, there's the moon still.

0:13:250:13:29

I hate the moon. The moon's stalky.

0:13:290:13:31

Stupid moon.

0:13:310:13:33

All right. That was my noticing stuff bit about the moon.

0:13:330:13:38

And now, it gives the same amount of pleasure as the first time, which

0:13:380:13:44

is a great deal, to welcome onto the stage the boy with tape on his face.

0:13:440:13:50

CHEERING

0:13:500:13:54

FANFARE

0:13:570:13:59

GYPSY ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS

0:14:130:14:18

MUSIC STOPS

0:14:560:14:57

MILITARY DRUM ROLL

0:14:570:15:01

METRO GOLDWYN MAYER FILM END MUSIC

0:15:010:15:13

BALLOON WHEEZES IN TUNE

0:15:130:15:17

APPLAUSE

0:15:170:15:19

FRENCH ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS

0:15:250:15:28

AUDIENCE GIGGLES

0:15:380:15:39

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:15:440:15:46

KNUCKLES RAP ON METAL

0:16:290:16:31

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:16:310:16:34

FUNKY MUSIC INTRO

0:16:470:16:51

AUDIENCE CLAP AND CHEER

0:16:510:16:57

# Ooh!

0:16:570:16:59

FUNKY BEAT

0:16:590:17:07

TOM JONES: # Baby, take off your clothes

0:17:100:17:14

# Please, oh!

0:17:150:17:18

# Baby, take off your shoes

0:17:210:17:24

# Go on, I'll help you take off your shoes

0:17:260:17:30

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:17:300:17:33

# Baby, take off your dress... #

0:17:330:17:37

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:17:370:17:42

TAPPING

0:17:540:17:59

VARIOUS CHANNELS PLAY

0:18:060:18:10

Deeba-deeba-deeb. Hello, final words here.

0:18:100:18:13

Management. Management!

0:18:130:18:16

Listen, I've been thinking about your career.

0:18:160:18:19

I think you need a gimmick, I think you need a funny name,

0:18:190:18:22

something that feels global but sounds international.

0:18:220:18:25

I'm thinking dentist the clown.

0:18:250:18:29

What do you think? OK, have your talk and be.

0:18:290:18:32

We'll talk to my listening people. Out.

0:18:320:18:36

CHANNELS PLAY

0:18:360:18:39

BIRDS TWEET AND COO

0:18:420:18:47

WHISTLE SOUNDS

0:18:540:18:56

-Party?

-Party?

-Party?

0:18:590:19:01

-Party?

-Party?

-Party?

0:19:010:19:05

-Party?

-Party?

-Party?

0:19:050:19:07

HE GROANS

0:19:080:19:10

-Party!

-Party!

-Party!

0:19:100:19:13

Pricks.

0:19:130:19:15

WARNING SIRENS SCREAM

0:19:180:19:21

-JAZZY VERSION

-# Turn around

0:19:240:19:25

# Every now and then I get a little bit lonely

0:19:250:19:28

-# You're never coming around

-# Turn around

0:19:280:19:30

# Every now and then I get a little bit tired

0:19:300:19:32

-# Of listening to the sound of my tears

-# Turn around

0:19:320:19:34

# Every now and then I get a little bit nervous

0:19:340:19:36

# The best of all the years have gone by

0:19:360:19:38

# Turn around

0:19:380:19:39

# Every now and then I get little bit terrified

0:19:390:19:41

# Then I see the look in your eyes

0:19:410:19:43

# Turn around, bright eyes

0:19:430:19:44

# Every now and then I fall apart

0:19:440:19:46

# Turn around, bright eyes

0:19:460:19:47

# Every now and then I fall apart...#

0:19:470:19:50

Man, Delaware is tanking!

0:19:540:19:57

BOOING

0:19:570:20:00

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:000:20:03

There he goes. You know, I thought that was...

0:20:060:20:09

uh...interesting.

0:20:090:20:11

Yeah, some nice...nice ideas

0:20:110:20:15

in the middle there.

0:20:150:20:18

So anyways, when you have kids, you've got to change your life.

0:20:180:20:21

I mean, for crying out loud,

0:20:210:20:22

I used to be a Mayan priest in the Middle Ages.

0:20:220:20:26

That's no way to parent.

0:20:280:20:29

All right, that's enough from me.

0:20:300:20:32

Ladies and gentlemen, please won't you put your hands together

0:20:320:20:36

and welcome onto the stage, The Boy With Tape On His Face!

0:20:360:20:40

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:400:20:44

WHIMSICAL ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS

0:20:440:20:47

HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS

0:20:470:20:49

APPLAUSE

0:20:490:20:52

LAUGHTER

0:20:590:21:01

-MONKEYS SCREECH

-Well, hello, jungle!

0:21:090:21:12

LAUGHTER

0:21:240:21:26

LAUGHTER

0:21:330:21:35

BALLOON POPS

0:21:350:21:37

LAUGHTER

0:22:140:22:16

MUSIC: "Theme: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" by Ennio Morricone

0:22:210:22:24

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:22:240:22:28

MUSIC: "You Gave Love (A Bad Name)" by Bon Jovi

0:22:360:22:38

# Shot through the heart, and you're to blame... #

0:22:380:22:42

HE FIRES STAPLER

0:22:420:22:44

BALLOON POPS

0:22:440:22:45

THEY FIRE STAPLERS

0:22:460:22:49

BALLOON POPS

0:22:520:22:54

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:550:22:58

LOUD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:070:23:09

WHIMSICAL MUSIC RESUMES

0:23:110:23:13

APPLAUSE

0:23:160:23:20

LAUGHTER

0:23:390:23:42

LAUGHTER

0:23:520:23:54

LAUGHTER

0:24:420:24:44

# Return to sender

0:24:500:24:52

# Return to sender

0:24:540:24:56

# I gave a letter to the postman

0:24:570:25:00

# He put it in his sack

0:25:000:25:03

# Bright and early next morning

0:25:050:25:08

# He brought my letter back

0:25:080:25:11

# She wrote upon it

0:25:110:25:12

# Return to sender

0:25:120:25:14

# Address unknown

0:25:160:25:18

# No such number

0:25:200:25:21

# No such zone. #

0:25:230:25:26

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:25:260:25:29

WHIMSICAL MUSIC RESUMES

0:25:330:25:35

LAUGHTER

0:25:370:25:38

LAUGHTER

0:25:520:25:55

HE KNOCKS ON BOX

0:25:580:25:59

AUDIENCE SCREAMS

0:25:590:26:02

In the last 30 minutes, I showed you a beach ball,

0:26:490:26:52

two toothbrushes, and a small, ceramic dog.

0:26:520:26:55

Did you spot them? Did you?

0:26:550:26:58

BLENDER WHIRS

0:26:580:27:00

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:170:27:21

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS