Fast turnaround comedy series voiced by Ruth Jones. Topics include Donald Trump and Theresa May's meeting in the US and proof that women are better at multitasking than men.
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Great Britain. There have been protests in towns and cities across
Britain. Donald Trump says his ban on foreign nationals... They're all
calls for his visit to be called off. As a Scottish Muslim family
living here in Britain, even for us it's frightening. NEWSREADER: Labour
criticised the Conservative Party. An online petition to the visit has
attracted more than 1.5 million names. Won't even get an invite to
Buckingham Palace and now Trump is there. The president and by Minister
-- Prime Minister. We need mates, we need our guys to back us up because
the Europeans aren't going to do it. Where do we go to? China? No. What
do you say to the viewers at home who are worried about your views and
about you becoming the leader of the free world? This was your choice of
question? The most important question she said was at the
beginning, do you think that Theresa May has criticised you and did so,
what did she say? Leave it there. But it was like, this is my
platform, I'll get a job if I put the question right. She put too much
into the Western which became longer -- cheaper too much into the
question. She wants to be an anchor. Father David takes three sermons
every Sunday. You know what I had for supper? Fishcakes. Ooh. Francis
is a critic and travels the world. I had black truffle risotto and then
roast guinea foul and cheeses. It was an ordinary day-to-day meal. All
right, that's interesting. There was an astonishing report in the press
this week. Have you seen that? No! You're going to go when you're going
to go. Atomic scientists have moved the minute hand of the Doomsday
clock forward 30 seconds. Not very nice news, is it? No, it isn't.
Silly propaganda. How close they feel the world is to total
destruction. I'm going to get the first rocket out of here. The
metaphorical clock sits at two Andy Hodd minutes to midnight, suggesting
humanities cozy -- humanity is closer to destruction than ever. --
two minutes before midnight. What is midnight? The world
explodes? Exactly, what is going to happen at that point in time? It
isn't an actual clock. What do you mean? It isn't on someone's wall.
There must be a clock that they have two update. Does it tick and tock?
Do they physically move it? It doesn't take and tock. The
scientists move the hands up and back. There is no mechanism. It's
the shape of a clock for us to try and understand. How big? I haven't
got a clue. The year 2000 was supposed to be the end of the world.
Wasn't it, yeah? That was a crank. And nothing happened. Justified in
people, that's all. That's right. We are two and a half minutes away from
it. We were three. From what? Disaster, it is a Doomsday clock! I
thought in Geneva there was a clock with all of these boffins studying
headlines from the Guardian and deciding to take off a view more
seconds. I'm astonished and disgusted. How do I know there's
going to be a disaster to put 30 seconds on the clock? That's why we
are butchers, I haven't got a clue. These scientists. You have 30
seconds left, how do you come up with that? What is the calculation
of it? What's the equation? There must be a formula, Trump, plus
Putin, divided by North Korea, divided by South Korea and we are
two minutes closer. Yeah, I think you should have squared Putin. What
you've done, you've divided him. We'll do it again. Trump, divided by
Putin, the square root of China. Shouldn't we throw in Theresa May? I
don't think she's relevant. No point having her back in. No. Doomsday's
coming, two and a half minutes, go, what are you going to do? Two
minutes 20 now, come on! Rob a bank. Why would you do that? I don't know!
Don't you want to talk to anyone, call anyone? Make love to anyone?
No. I can't make love, can I? I can. In two and a half minutes? Do you
think if you phone 123 and it was the Doomsday 123 it would say
something like, at the third stroke, packed all your bags and go
somewhere high, get some shelter? No, wouldn't want to create panic,
it would be very upbeat. So it would let everybody die? Thank you for
calling the Doomsday hotline, you are ten seconds away from death,
your call is important to us. Please hold. This week, newspaper and
online articles revelled in an revealing survey suggesting we are
happier when we are in the nude. I like clothes and if God didn't mean
us to wear clothes, he wouldn't have allowed them to be invented by Adam
and Eve. Fig leaves. The public? Yeah. Don't mind being naked but
look at the toenails. That's important. Are you comfortable
naked? Not really, no. Not after Christmas. Depends, doesn't it. Give
it four is and I'll be all right. -- four months. I think it's a load of
rubbish. Any bird naked is a bird naked, so why would you be unhappy?
There was that naked beach near Bridlington, you know. Yeah row.
I have swum in a Swedish lake and it was the coldest swim I've ever had.
Without the benefit of a costume? Indeed, yes. There was nobody there,
just me, the lake, the woods. God is always there. Indeed, yes. If
everybody did, you'd soon get used to it, seeing other people.
Surprisingly to get used to, you know. Yeah. Being naked? Yeah, just
imagine a world where there were no clothes. Yeah but how would you are
carrying shopping bags? With me, I would miss my pockets, you know what
I'm saying, you put everything in your pockets. Don't you agree? Tell
you what I do with my phone sometimes, I put it up here because
it will stick. If you are a bit more is when you get out of the bath, not
mucky, but moist, it will stick to my shoulder. Have you done that
before? No, I've never stuck my phone to my moist shoulder. Right,
it's time to update the dos and don'ts list. Nail technicians
Brandon and Tony run a tight ship. They manicure more than 1000 nails a
week. The rules we have, right, they come in, like the other day, one of
them getting her nails done, two prams. You've got to go hang on,
hang on, you can't all come in here. What do you want me to say to them?
Get out? Just points to that. Can't stand prams.
This week, newspaper reports had unusual images of two world leaders
in the midst of forging a very special relationship. She looks
pleased. Yeah. It's been a success. I think we're going to get along
very well. Interesting, I am a people person and I think you are
all so. He calls her the wrong name. Even world leaders need a hand now
and again. The president and by Minister classed as they made their
way down the steps -- Prime Minister.
She has got Bafta phobia. Never heard of it. Our Prime Minister, hot
putting it over to America to meet him in the White House, the Oval
room, it is a disgrace. Even the President of Mexico has cancelled
his visit to Trump. Theresa May over there, it's nice to become the first
person. She congratulated him on his stunning win. Oh, yeah. Well, it was
stunning, it's none of the world, didn't it? When she came out with
the stunning victories, did you see him? Looked like he'd been given a
cream cake, know what I mean? Like he had won the pools. Looks like it
went very well. The conference, smashed that. They walked out and I
don't know if it was intentional but he grabbed her hand. You don't hold
hands, you would study her elbow. But you wouldn't hold her hand. The
whole world was watching. And I was watching. I think it looked a bit...
When you look at the action, it was more of a wrist lock. I don't think
she knew he was going to hold onto her hand. I don't think so. The way
he's holding her hand. But then again, have you heard, he is scared
of sex. Apparently there is a term for this, if you have a fear of
something they will give it a term. The grope slope. Apparently there is
a severe incline. Wouldn't touch her. He's not going to touch her
legs, is he? You hold her hand, that's it, in case she tumbles. In
the White House, right, they kept spelling her name wrong, you know.
How do you mean? When Donald called her Teresa, they didn't put the
letter H in. They misspelled it quite a few times. Oh, right, I
thought it was the American accent. Teresa May is a pawn star in
America. Don't ask me how I know. The funny thing is I can't wait for
Sean Spicer to come out next week and say that they did not spell her
name wrong, that is an alternative fact. Here is the actual sheet that
shows how it was doctored. He will Pollap be say that they spoke to
Theresa May and on reflection she got it wrong, she shouldn't have
been spelling it with the H, she spoke with the president on the
telephone so this should be brushed under the carpet. Teresa does not
have an H in. We got married in 1990. I had hair at that time. And I
was thin and that time. Only a size six. Size eight. This couple had
been married for 27 years and they run a busy dry cleaners in Glasgow.
Hope we not going to see your mother tonight. I'm quite busy tonight.
Show our faces. I think we'll just leave it. I'm waiting for the phone
to go. Your mother then. Let it go, I'm not bothered too much, I'll
handle the call, it's fine. Are you sure you can handle that? Don't you
worry about that. Apparently it is oestrogen. There was an illuminating
report in the newspapers this week suggesting that experts now have the
proof that women are better at multitasking Paire men. -- than men.
A professor once said, why can't a woman be more like a man? We've all
ask that. Only women can do it, as I have been
told for many years, only women can do it. Yes. You have never
multitasked in your life, you think one thing at a time, you have a one
track brain. No, I can drive the Rolls-Royce and also think very
unpleasant things about the other drivers on the road.
Look at me, for example, I am doing five or six things. At the same
time. I have a sharp eye watching those girls in here and watching the
staff members and the girls at the back. And picking out people's
mistakes, you are good at that. My mum always says to me, you either
watched the TV or you are on the phone, you cannot do both. I say, I
am. No, it is won or the other. Then she goes on the phone and watches
the telly and she says, I am watching that.
She is a woman and can do both. When women are in Labour, they have to
talk to their husbands, nine times out of ten they swear at their
husbands, they talk to the nurses and they swear. That is
multitasking. It isn't multitasking! Of course it is. And who takes the
sweat from your brow? Just don't go that! What other man would get a
sanitary towel to mop the woman's brow, only you! You have to get it
how all the mop your brow, that was the only thing that was there!
48 plus 32. 70. Yes, you still paused, it is bang, bang, bang. No,
I am not Carol Vorderman! A woman would have had that built by now.
No, she would not. Trump would have me on board. 252 plus 102. 354. Yes!
Why would you have done that? If you give me a tenor in change. Of
course I can love. One strange story in the papers and
online this week reported that US scientists have proven that human
cells can be grown within a pig. Do you know what they are doing,
they are playing God. Moving one step closer to growing organs for
transplant. Good idea, isn't it? The complicated
procedure involves injecting human stem cells into pig embryos.
Oh, dear, I don't agree with all that. Neither do I.
Would you say you were to take the heart of a pig if you needed one? I
don't think so. Even if it was life or death? I wouldn't do it. If you
needed a transplant, you would not care where it came from, as long as
you did not turn into a pig in the fullness of time.
You know when you become a donor, your DNA has to match with the
person you give it to. Hopefully, if they find one, yes. What happens if
they do not find one? That goes to waste. No, they are breeding the
pics for it. So you need a heart transplant and I am sure you would
be happy to take one from a little pig. It depends what side of the
coin you are on. I am not bothered, my mum says I need a trough to eat
anyway. Put your dominoes down! If somebody is waiting for the heart
of a pig, human heart. Out of a pig's body. Presuming it works and
they take that from the pig and put it into the human, what happens to
the pig that is left with the human organs inside, what happens to the
pig? It is dead! Ken did have this big operation. You
could have one from an animal or mechanical. He chose the animal, a
valve. It was from a bull. Was it? I didn't know they did that, Sheila.
Yes. I would ask. Detail and some basic
special figures on the success of these pig's Hearts, who survived,
how long and what are the chances? Know what I mean? Let's be honest,
you would not say anything because if you need a new major organ, you
are not in a good way. When they say, we need to give you a heart
from a pig, you do not say, I need to check this. I will have to give
some consideration to it. You cannot be that considerate, you have got
hours to live! Tell you what, it is about time they
made a statue for Princess Diana. This week, Princess Diana was all
over the press and online, 20 years after her death.
NEWSREADER: Prince William and Prince Harry have announced plans to
write a statue of their mother. The main memorial has been a statue
in Hyde Park in London. Diana's sister will be on the body
commissioning and raising funds for the statue.
Would you go to visit it elliptically? You have two to pay
your respects. Is a new have to, I haven't been to
be other things, the water park, she had done. -- I say that you have
two. If they can have one for sale, they
can have for her. Absolutely. I hope it will be better than they
have got right now. Have you seen that fountain? That is a load of...
What an insult. What an insult to such a lovely woman. People go to it
and you see them soaking their feet. It doesn't matter, they are soaking
their feet and reflecting and thinking of Diana.
Michael Jackson had one, that didn't go down well and they moved it to
end museum. It looked nothing like him. What if it goes wrong and she
looks like instead of Princess Diana, she looks like... Camilla!
Yes! That don't represent Diana. It is
just a waste of money to me. It is not just to... You can turn up to
see this water feature, all the people with their feet, and you
think, that reminds me of Lady Diana. You know it looks nothing
like her but there has got to be some kind of... This is going to be
a tribute to Theresa May one and all the rest of it, please soak your
feet. -- lady Di. You were looking at me? Yes, I think
it is so wrong. Christina and Winifred, devout
Christians who volunteer at the West Indian community centre in Leeds.
When I go to keep fit and do my aerobics, they do not play gospel
music. I like reggae. Yes, I like reggae music. No, you've gone too
far and you know that! No! You need to have a word with your pastor.
That is completely wrong! Sheila, that always looks nice. Yes,
yes. This week, President Trump signed
Executive orders he said would control the flow of order of people
coming into America. He said work would begin on building the wall
with Mexico first. NEWSREADER: Enrique Pena Nieto said
he would not but the bill. You will be able to see the wall if
you live in Texas in your back garden.
The President of Mexico and myself have agreed to cancel our planned
meeting scheduled for next week. Then he declared a ban on people
coming from seven predominantly Muslim countries.
NEWSREADER: Another sweeping change, a halt on visas for people from
seven mainly Muslim countries. Look at that, Trump's plan takes
effect. This actually, strangely, is what
democracy is about. People say, if you vote for me and I am elected, I
will do an and B and C. He has been elected and he is doing that, this
is democracy. If you have not been in office for a
week and you are making an Executive decision on something so big, you
are dangerous. Of course he is dangerous.
Ironically, Donald Trump is doing what the Brexit based their campaign
on. Controls on borders. He is doing what the Brexiteer is wanted is to
happen, tighter controls of the border. At the moment, Britain would
not be able to do that. Imagine me getting a wall done and
asking you to pay for it. I would not pay a penny. I know, that is
what the Mexicans are going to do. One guy says, pay up. He says, no.
He says, well, I will do this to you. It is like a stand-off. A
Mexican stand-off! Who is going to blink?
It is going to be a long ball, let's face it. 1,000 miles. 1,000 mile
long, who knows how how it is going to go to stop them going over it.
Who are they going to give the job too? That is ridiculous, it will not
be bricks, Nick. What is it going to be, it isn't going to be Lego! How
many people went to our college to do bricklaying? Hundreds. We are a
town of expert bricklayers. We want to keep them bricklayers here
because when Sturgeon gets a way, we will have to build our own!
You have seen the great Wall? That was done thousands of years ago and
it stretches for miles, longer than the one he wants built. Ask them.
Say, you have got a great Wall, build a great Wall over here. They
might do. The people who built that probably will be dead now.
What does he want? I think he just wants Americans. He has banned
Syrian refugees coming to the United States of America. He says, you
can't come here, sorry. You are not allowed in. Where are they coming
from anyway? Syria, where else? They want a wall with Mexican -- Sako,
the Canadians want a wall to keep him in! -- Sako.
I think he looks so good. Look at them.
This week, the papers and internet were awash with joyful images of two
proud looking recipients -- recipients of the Queen's honours.
It is good they are flying the Northern Flag. Doing it for
Newcastle and everyone else. The North East, it is not just about
Newcastle. NEWSREADER: the TV duo are heading
to Buckingham Palace to receive OBE for servicing the broadcasting and
entertainment. I think they deserve it, I will tell
you why, they really funny. And you know what I admire about them? They
have been together such a long time. Very young. And they are still close
and they are funny. They are funny. They must be doing a good job, to
get an OBE. They will give them to Tom and Jerry next!
You know Ant Dec? It is Ant Dec. Today... First of all, it was Dec.
They were that confused. Ant was about to go on stage. Can I stop you
this Mac who is Ant and who is Dec? Who got the award? The little one.
Did they both get one? No, I mean, who held it? I think it was the
little one. Yes, it yes. Next, is it? Ant?
What is the order of the British Empire, you have got me wondering,
what does it really mean? So you have got order, different
orders they sit in. So you have got a member of the British Empire.
So I could have said B. Officer of the British Empire, commander and a
night. You understand? All of those titles sit within an order. It could
be order of the chivalry, different orders. It is confusing. It's
boring! What have you been up to?
Something grubby? I'm Dame Judi Dench, I'm
a national treasure! Why settle for a German Europe when
you could have a Scottish world?
Fast turnaround comedy series voiced by Gavin & Stacey's Ruth Jones. It features a regular cast of real British people, chosen for their sharp wit and humorous take on life, all discussing the news from that week - from major breaking stories to the most bizarre headlines.
Amongst the cast are a couple of East End market traders, dinner ladies from Leeds, Mancunian male nail technicians, Brummie butchers, Scottish launderette owners, supermarket co-workers and three great-grandmothers from Hull.
Topics include the doomsday clock, Donald Trump and Theresa May's meeting in the US, proof that women are better at multitasking than men, Princess Diana's commissioned statue, Ant and Dec receiving OBEs, Trump's executive orders, and scientists growing human organs in pigs.