Episode 8 Cradle to Grave

This programme contains some strong language

# They say time will wait for no man

# They say time is on my side

# I can never make my mind up

# Cos it all goes whizzing by

# From the cradle to the grave

# From the cradle to the grave

-# I know I won't be a slave

-I know I won't be a slave

-# To the mistakes that I made

-From the cradle

# And I won't go till I'm ready

# From the cradle to the grave. #

This programme contains some strong language.

-Well?

-Well what?

You're supposed to tell me I look gorgeous.

I don't know what you're asking me for. I've only got one eye.

Yeah, you look great.

It's a nice colour.

-Ahh, give us that.

-You've got a wedding dress on.

-Dog's just laid on that.

-I don't care I'm starving.

-Mum back yet?

-Can't be, the old man's in a good mood.

How long will they keep up this silent treatment?

-Ain't said a word to each other for the last week.

-A week? Try three.

I can't remember the last time he asked her

to help him look for something.

What? What do you mean "look for something"?

Don't be a prize prick.

You know, when you go upstairs and the bedroom door's locked...

-Who is it?

-It's me.

-What do you want?

-Can I see Mum a minute?

You can't. She's busy. She's helping me look for something.

Oh...is that...what the...that is?

Yeah, yeah, let's not talk about it any more.

So, erm, will you be helping Roger look for something tonight then?

Ah, don't be disgusting.

Anyway, Mum better be home soon cos I need help with my hair.

# Woman, I want to go down and drown in you

# Woman, oh, let my love cut your sorrow in two

# Woman, oh, why don't you cry all over me

# Woman, oh, why don't you cry

# Why don't you cry, oh

# Why don't you cry all over me

# Woman, why don't you... #

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-Hello? Hello, Keith?

Bet?

-How's your wedding day going?

-Great. How's yours?

It's funny. I always thought I'd be a bundle of nerves, you know...

like, in floods.

I just... I feel a bit numb.

Today's stirring up all sorts of old ghosts.

Have you thought any more about what I said?

Yeah, I have.

But, er, I'm just going to put it to the back of me mind for today,

if that's possible.

Well, I'm here for you, you know that.

And I'm a very patient person.

Thank you. Thank you.

-Here's the son of David Essex.

-Yeah.

Here, somebody tell him only the bride's supposed to wear white.

-Oh, no, that only applies to girls.

-Yeah, that's why I said it.

-Only the bride's supposed to wear white.

-Brilliant.

Serves you right if that vicar

marries you to Roger instead of her.

You're the one that'll have to shag him tonight.

Well, that's lovely to hear on my wedding day.

Now, don't forget,

I want to see all of you down at reception tonight, no exceptions.

I'm going to be skint tomorrow.

It's the last chance to get nice and tasty on my pound note,

-you hear me?

-OTHERS:

-Yeah.

'As a neighbour, my old girlfriend Yvonne was invited to the reception.

'But any plans I had to get back with her looked dead as a dodo.'

All right, Chas?

Be...be weird, having a spare room in the house, won't it?

-We ain't. That's where you're going.

-What?

No, I won't get all me records in there - it's a shoebox.

Yeah, and I won't be able to get all my birds in our room

not with you lurking around.

I'm just going for a slash.

-You all right, girl?

-She's all right.

I am, Mum. Do you know what? I'm not even nervous.

I knew this day would come from the first time I met Roger.

Does that sound funny?

No, love.

He's took my bag!

Don't worry, Bet, that's Freddie Baker. That's what he does.

I thought he was supposed to be in Germany.

What do you mean that's what he does?

-Oh, he usually brings them back.

-Usually?!

Give me back my bag, you thief.

Blimey! Can half run fast, Betty Lockwood.

We could do with you down Millwall.

My bag, please.

It was your mate Angie's I was after,

but she had hers over her arm so...

-How is she, Angie?

-Engaged, thank you very much.

All right, here you go.

Oh, and, er, give this one to Mary Windsor when you see her.

How many bags you got?

I just like to see which one wants me the most.

Well, I'd be careful - my last boyfriend was a copper.

Your last boyfriend?

Blimey, you're a quick worker. How old are you now then, 17?

I will be next week.

Anyway, aren't you meant to be in Germany?

The war's over, they don't need me.

If they catch you, they'll lock you up.

They ain't found Hitler yet, they ain't interested in me.

I am interested in you, though, Betty.

Or Angie or Mary Windsor.

'70s DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Aww, wish my Susan had got married in something like that.

Your Susan ain't got married at all.

You know when they say radiant? That's what that is, that dress.

Radiant.

Here, did your Bet run that dress up herself?

Did she bollocks! That's 220 quid going down to Larkin.

-No.

-And she only get's to wear it once.

Don't worry, I'll get the value out of it,

even if I have to wear it myself.

-I wore a dress once.

-You what?

-Eh?

-Was in a school play.

-It still counts.

Yeah, nonce.

Here, shouldn't you be over there with your Bet?

Yeah. I ought to be.

Still no thaw then?

Thaw? Oh, I'm fine, Lil. It's our daughter's wedding day.

As long as he don't start nothing, I won't.

But I ain't going round putting a show on for everyone.

# Wrap up some red roses For a blue lady... #

My old man was one of 12 Baker children,

the best known family on the Isle Of Dogs.

Mum was very shy and had convinced herself

that having one of the Baker boys as her fella

was well out of her league.

# I'll hurry back and pick

# Your best white orchids for her wedding gown. #

Oh, lovely.

Oh, Freddie, you were marvellous. Just like Vic Damone.

-Yeah, just like him.

-There you go, mate.

-Get this one down you.

-Cheers.

-Hello again.

-Oh, hello, you.

-What do you think?

-Yeah, it's all right.

Well, we think he looks like Vic Damone and all.

You was out in Germany with him, weren't you, Freddie?

-Yeah, Vic Damone. Yeah.

-Sing another one for us, Freddie.

Give us a minute and I will, yeah.

So, how have you been keeping?

The only people you were singing with in Germany

were the military police.

All right, all right, keep it down.

-So, do you want a drink?

-No, I won't.

Thanks for asking me out tonight though.

-I better be off now.

-Oh, really?

Yeah. You've got plenty of admirers to keep you company.

I was only chatting.

Well, don't let me stop you.

Bye.

And the kid says, "You can do what you like, love.

"I'm a jockey on me way to New Market."

Come on, Bet, love. If Roger turns out to be half the bloke Fred is,

Sharon won't have done bad for herself.

Well, maybe Fred ain't quite the bloke you all think he is.

What you doing out here? Jacking me in, are you? Had enough?

I'm having a baby.

What you talking about "baby"? Who's baby?

Your baby? What, my baby?

Well, who else's do you think it is?

I'm not like you, am I?

Well...what about that copper you was going with?

-Who, Tom?

-Yeah.

Fred, we've been split up a year.

How do you think pregnancy works?

You sure it's mine?

Any baby I have must be yours. All right?

Fucking hell. Erm...

Well, there it is. That's it, then.

-What?

-I'm lumbered.

Oh. Oh, that's nice.

Oh, come on, I didn't mean it like that.

Freddie, your public needs you.

Come on, Baker, there's several sizzling women in there

-waiting for you.

-Well, Fred?

-Come back in.

-Come on.

# I have often walked... #

Your audience needs you.

# ..on this street before

# But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before. #

Mum, go on and talk to Dad.

I've been talking to him for 25 years,

let me have the night off, ey?

Blimey, Bet, Joey Churcher. Hide your jewellery.

See, that is what I am talking about.

Who invites one of the Churchers to his own daughter's wedding?

Might as well have one of the Kray brothers here.

Yeah, go on, Fred, buy him a drink.

Even today he can't leave it alone, wheeling and bleeding dealing.

Oh, no. Here comes Uncle Frank.

Come on, everyone, join in!

In a minute, Frank, I'll have a go in a minute.

Can't stand nothing like that.

That's one thing me and Fred have got in common.

Come on, let's go outside before silly balls commandeers us.

All right, it's true. I am.

But now that you know, you've got to understand

I only share this secret with very close friends.

Wow. Can I ask one thing?

If this is his sister's wedding, how come David Essex ain't here?

Well, success has overtaken him

and David's career has to come first during this hectic period.

Can I talk to you?

-How long have you been there?

-Long enough.

Won't be a minute.

I cannot believe you're still pulling this David Essex crap.

-What? I'm...I'm not.

-Right.

So you're wearing a white suit, you're doing that silly smile,

and you've got this thing around your neck

-for nothing then, have you?

-I actually can't get this off.

Listening to you with them was making my toes curl.

OK? It's like you've gone mad.

I don't know what to do any more.

I've told too many girls now, they'll kill me.

Why can't you just go back to being yourself?

It was good enough for me.

-So, have we got a deal?

-Here, we got a deal.

You happy with that?

I've got to be. I've never done anything like this in my life.

And there's definitely no risk with it?

Risk? Come on, Spud, it's a straightforward number.

You know me.

Yeah, I do indeed, Joey.

-God knows what Bet will say...

-Come on, everyone! Join in.

Follow me.

Frank, there's nobody's behind you.

Fuck's sake.

We're looking for a Reginald Armitage.

Armitage you say?

-Nah, not here.

-Also known as Leonard John Whitby.

Also known as Frederick Joseph Baker.

-Oh, Freddie?

-Oh, so he does live here.

Upstairs, first floor.

He's out but his wife's in.

Police, open up.

-Hello?

-Bet?

-Tom?

-Blimey, how are you?

-All right.

-Can we come in?

Yeah.

So...

-You got married then?

-Yeah.

And a little'un on the way.

You were the one who said you were too young to settle down.

Well, maybe I found Mr Right.

-Is that another one of his names, Bet?

-You what?

Your husband's got a lot of names, hasn't he?

I don't know what you're talking about.

-Let's just call him Spud, shall we?

-Who?

Another alias.

To the best of your knowledge, Bet, does Spud bring home goods?

What do you mean "goods"?

We're referring to stolen goods.

Do I look like I've got goods?

Can you see any goods?

Where did you get these from?

Most people haven't seen a banana since before the war.

-Let alone a whole bunch.

-My husband...

won them in a raffle, he said.

-And that tablecloth looks new.

-We got that off a mate of his.

-Come on.

-I think we should have a proper look around, sir.

Couple of cases under the bed there.

Just tell Spud we'll be coming back to have a word with him.

And tell him from a whisper I've heard that it might be best

if we get to him before the military police do.

Bye, Betty.

It said in this article I read his real name's David Cook.

Yeah, that's just another name he uses.

You know, Cook, Baker...get it?

Well, I saw a picture of him when he was little with his mum and dad

and they look nothing like your mum and dad.

No, that's cos, when he was little, um,

he spent a lot of time with his aunt and uncle and...

Oh, look, I'm not actually David Essex's brother. I'm actually not.

-Oh, my God, he is!

-All right, I am. I am his brother.

-Now I don't know.

-What difference does it make?

Cos if you ain't, we're wasting our time.

You are wasting your time.

So am I, I keep pretending to be fucking David Essex's brother.

-But he might be coming here tonight, yeah?

-Please?

Oh, come on.

What do we look like?

The bloke on the stall told me

these were the only pair of turquoise and golds in Bermondsey.

He told us all that, Hodges.

Before he took our fivers.

Me and Trevor only paid four quid.

Oh, four quid.

Drop back.

All right, boys? This is Janet.

What?

Blimey. You ain't still wearing turquoise and golds, are you?

They went out like six months ago.

So who are these then?

This lot? The Three Stooges.

Do you want to go get a drink?

-Turquoise and gold.

-OTHERS: Six months old.

Well, I have just retired from the pop industry. For good.

That's a shame. You look really nice in that white suit.

Where's that bloke from the co-op?

Oh, I packed Tony in. Talk about only after one thing.

-Did he get it?

-What do you think? Did you?

So you're back in the real world?

-Yeah.

-Good.

Why don't you ask me out again?

Will you go out with me again, Yvonne?

I'll think about it.

Now...

Is it because I've had half a dozen brandies,

or do you look more than usually gorgeous?

You've had half a dozen brandies.

Here, Teddy Silk said when he saw us at the church together

we were like a couple of sauce bottles.

He was looking round for the vinegar.

HE LAUGHS

See, all that worrying.

Never let it be said we can't lay on a proper blow out.

You want to see my Alfie? He's pissed as a pudding.

Trying to take his waistcoat off over his head.

You wouldn't have married me if I hadn't got pregnant, would you?

Oh, here we go.

-Where did this come from?

-Well, you wouldn't have, would you?

Go on, dredge it all up. I thought we agreed a ceasefire?

I remember exactly what you said to me.

"Lumbered," you said.

Well, you say these things, don't you?

Blimey, it was a shock for both of us.

But who's to say I wouldn't have asked you anyway?

It just hurried me up, that's all.

Hurried you? You were fast enough already as I remember.

Weren't a girl on the island that could keep up with you.

Well, I played the field. So what?

You weren't exactly Little Miss Muffet yourself, were you?

-# I really can't stay

-Baby, it's cold outside

-# I got to go away

-But, baby, it's cold outside

-# This evening has been

-Been hoping that you'd drop in

# So very nice

# I'll hold your hands They're just like ice... #

All right?

You haven't got tea on yet, have you?

Here you go.

Tell baby to budge over cos that's coming down in about ten minutes.

Fred...

Who's Reginald Armitage?

-Who's been round?

-The police.

Don't worry, they're long gone now. But they said they're coming back.

-Bet, I've picked up all kinds of names over time.

-What for?

You want to pay tax? On the tuppenny-ha'penny we got?

They said the military are looking for you and all.

They ain't going to find me, yeah? They don't care about me.

They said you use all these different names.

Do you even tell people that you're married?

Not if there's a few quid in it, no.

What's the matter with you, girl?

Where did you get that ham?

The chief rabbi, he didn't have no use for it.

-Fred, are you at it?

-Yes, I'm at it, Bet.

Everyone's at it.

You've got to forage to get what you can.

I'll always do that for you.

You're not going to want for nothing and neither is little'un.

On me life.

-Fred, I worry.

-And I don't.

And I never will.

-What if you get put away?

-I ain't going away.

I ain't going away, you know!

You're making me look a right nonce stood here.

Well, go away then!

Come on, everyone, join in!

Again. Fuck's sake.

-Grab your drawers, girls, I'm coming in.

-Fred.

Girls aren't bothered, are you?

No, you paid for the hall, Fred, you can go where you like.

Exactly.

And you, love.

Now, then, let's get this sorted out, Betty Lockwood.

-I ain't 17 no more.

-No, but you're acting like it.

Oh, I don't know why it's hit me so hard today, Fred.

I've tried to control it but...

..I just can't see a future.

And when was it any different? In 1949?

Well, I was just a girl then. You could have told me anything.

Yeah? Well, here's something I didn't tell you.

TOILET FLUSHES

Wish I didn't have to go.

Would've liked to have heard the end of this.

Here's something I didn't tell you.

Getting you up the spout was the best day's work I ever did.

In my mind, that was a miracle.

-And all the people...

-Stop, stop, stop talking, Fred.

What?

I'm still trying to work out if you just said something nice.

Go out there and have a look around at all them couples.

Did any of them have an harder start than what we did?

Do you think half of them would still be together today like we are?

You stuck by me, Bet, and I've never, ever forgotten that.

And you acting like this is frightening the life out of me.

If I hadn't met you, girl, if you hadn't had got pregnant,

I'd be doing 20 years now

or I'd be dead at the bottom of the Thames. And that's a fact.

You've never said any of this before, Fred.

I'm three parts pissed but I mean every single word I say.

I know I ain't easy.

I know there are many women who wouldn't even put up with me.

You shouldn't have to put up with your husband.

Of course you do. Everyone does, in different ways.

And what about me, Fred?

Do you have to put up with me?

You know, when I first started walking out with you,

I thought, "She's too good for me."

-SHE SNORTS No, you never.

-I did.

I thought there's not a chance she'll stick with me.

That first night when we went in the Needle And Gun...

..I asked all my mates to be there and they didn't know why.

But as soon as I walked in with you on my arm, they got it.

But you could have had any girl you wanted.

I know. And?

Blimey, Fred...

You're going to be telling me you love me next.

I do. I love you.

Well, I could have done with a more romantic setting, but I'll take it.

Well, that's our marriage, Bet.

Frederick Joseph Baker.

I have taken into account your age

and the fact that you are recently married and expecting a child.

However, I am satisfied you have systematically received goods

you knew to be stolen and enthusiastically sold them on

for maximum profit.

Therefore, I think a custodial sentence is in order.

You will go to prison for one year.

Fucking hell! And I thought we'd had you straightened.

CROWD LAUGHS

-Silence in court.

-All rise.

Don't worry, Bet.

My God. What are you doing?

Sorry, Bet, we have to retrieve any suspect material.

Look, I hate having to do this.

Then why are you doing it? This is my home.

This... This ain't a home.

Look...

..your old man, I know his type.

He's got his head in the clouds.

He don't know what's going to happen next.

Can you tell him to stop?

I never really got over you, you know that?

-Are you sure you want to stay here?

-What do you mean?

Plenty of room at my mum's. It's just me and her on our own.

You're welcome to stay there till you get back on your feet.

What, with a baby?

Baby and all.

It's always about tomorrow with blokes like Fred.

Sorry.

Tomorrow will do for me, Tom.

We can't go yet. Mum and Dad, where's me mum and dad?

Oh, here they are.

Hold on, hold on. You don't even know where you're going.

Course we do, Jaywick Sands.

-Forget about Jaywick Sands.

-You're off to London Airport.

You're on the midnight flight to Majorca.

You're going for a fortnight.

You're joking!

Honeymoon suite, the lot. All paid for.

-Aww, thanks.

-Driver's got your passports.

-Thanks, Fred.

-You're all right, mate, have a good time.

-Look after her, won't you?

-I will do.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

See you later.

-ALL SING:

-# Oh, this year I'm off to sunny Spain

# Y viva Espana

# Y viva Espana. #

Did this have anything to do with Joey Churcher?

Why else would I have that horrible ponce at the wedding?

I do hope it's not going to be fully booked - I do remember the caravan.

Ah, Bet, this one's silver service, first class all the way.

And how have you paid for it?

-Car's gone. Looks like we're walking home.

-Fred.

And I might have to borrow your watch in future.

Oh, not your dad's fob watch.

-That's the one thing you said you'd never part with.

-Yeah.

Well, if I can part with me daughter, I can part with a watch.

-Did you see her face?

-Yeah.

You're full of surprises today, ain't you?

Oh, yeah.

Yes, I am. Shut up, everyone. Shut up. Shut up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Right, ready, look up at the skies.

Look at this.

-Wally!

-All right, Spud.

-When you're ready, go for it!

-ALL:

-Ahh!

-Yeah.

-FRED LAUGHS

Well, that's it, I'm not fucking made of money. That's it.

-That's your lot.

-ALL CHEER

KNOCK ON DOOR

What now? I've got nothing left.

-Who are you?

-This is for you.

And this lot. Where do you want it?

Oh, anywhere.

Where's all this come from?

He said to say it's from Vic Damone.

DANNY: A proper couple my mum and dad.

Married for 25 years now.

25 years!

Dad still never worries about a thing.

And Mum, well, she tries her best to keep up.

Do you want to find somewhere?

What? Like, do you mean...?

It's a wedding night, ain't it?

Yeah.

Hey, this will do.

-Hello? Who's that?

-Danny.

Dad? It's me, Danny.

What do you want?

I...was just wondering where Mum is.

Yeah? Well, she's in here with me.

-Is she?

-Yeah.

She can't come out.

She's helping me look for something.

# But I will ignore the best of me

# For the future of what used to be

# Cos I'm willing for the best of me

# With a picture of what used to be

# And I will live all the best of me

# With a picture of what used to be. #