My Brother and I Dad's Army


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My Brother and I

1975 Christmas special of the classic comedy about Walmington-on-Sea's Home Guard unit. Captain Mainwaring has an unexpected and most unwelcome guest.


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Transcript


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# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler

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# If you think we're on the run?

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# We are the boys who will stop your little game

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# We are the boys who will make you think again

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# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler

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# If you think old England's done?

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# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21

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# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun

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# So who do you think

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# You are kidding, Mr Hitler

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# If you think old England's done? #

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< Left, right, left, right, left, right!

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Come along now, keep it up. Forward!

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-Left, right, left, right. Up, up!

-THEY GRUNT

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Keep it up!

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Left, right, left, right. Get 'em up, Godfrey!

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Platoon, halt! Right, stand straight.

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Keep still, Jones.

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The spirit is willing, but my body's slung it in.

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Stand at ease.

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Before we fall down... before we fall out,

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one or two things...

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I want to say to you...

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Why not sit down?

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No...I'll be quite all right.

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I'll just go and get my notes.

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Can the men have a breather while you get them?

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Very well, if you think they need it.

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Oh, dear me.

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-Are you all right, sir?

-Perfectly, thank you.

-Good.

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Those men are out of condition.

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You'll have to take them on cross-country runs.

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-I shall enjoy that.

-What's that in your hand?

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-It's a little magazine - it's called the Hotspur.

-The Hotspur?

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There are plenty of training pamphlets to read, without resorting to children's magazines!

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I was reading this. It's in Frank's handwriting.

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Show me.

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It's an article about the Home Guard - rather amusing.

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-Rather amusing?

-Yes, amusing.

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It's disgraceful!

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Look here, I'm going to nip this sort of thing in the bud. Get them on parade.

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Sir.

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Three ranks.

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Fall in! Three ranks, like the sergeant says!

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Fall in, like the sergeant says!

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Fall in, three ranks!

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We've fallen in, sir.

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Thank you, Jones. ATTENTION!

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-At ease. Hurry, Jones...

-HE STAMPS

-That's better.

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Private Pike?

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-What's this?

-Where did you get that?

-Never mind - what is it?

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An article I'm writing for a competition. How did you get it?

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-It was in your Hotspur.

-You've no right! I haven't read my Hotspur yet!

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I'm supposed to have the Hotspur before Sgt Wilson!

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-I glanced at it.

-I always have it next!

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Be quiet, all of you!

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Now, I want Sgt Wilson to read it... aloud.

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-The Hotspur?

-No, no, the article! Read it aloud.

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It's private!

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Silence! Carry on.

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Right, sir. "My name...my name is Frank Pike. I'm a private in the Home Guard."

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That's G-U-A-R-D.

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Never mind!

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"Us lads will spot parachutists who land in our district,

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"especially if they land in a pub!

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"The other night we made sure there were no parachutists

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"in 11 pubs in 2 hours.

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"By then we were all...souzzled."

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-SOZZLED!

-Be quiet!

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-"The sergeant's my uncle - I can do what I like with him"!

-Disgraceful!

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-"The officer's an old..."

-We've heard enough!

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Pike, I'm not going to go into your shameful conduct in writing this.

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I expect you feel pretty rotten.

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HE MOUTHS

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What concerns me is the subject.

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Stories like this are told by comedians on the wireless.

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And it's quite untrue.

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My unit...

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..is a hand-picked band of ruthless fighting men.

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Since I've been in command I've done my best to set an example in sobriety and devotion to duty.

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I don't want any more stories about four-ale bars.

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There's no need to be downcast or trodden about it.

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Soldiers and drink have always gone together - like chalk and cheese.

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I don't see why my men should be swilling about in beer.

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In the Sudan we drank arak. Half a pint and you didn't know if you were coming or going.

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We didn't do a lot of either, so it didn't matter.

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All right, all right. I want to make it quite clear.

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Never again do I want to hear stories about my men drinking.

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Right. Now, the Home Guard officers of the district are throwing a sherry party

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for local civil dignitaries, and the officers of surrounding units.

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I have offered to be the host...

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I've offered to be the host.

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That offer has been accepted.

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We shall be using this hall,

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and Corporal Jones's section will volunteer to provide stewards.

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Sir!

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Bring them into the office.

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Come on, my section.

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-Private Sponge.

-Sir?

-Patrol from the gasworks to the novelty rock emporium.

-Sir.

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-And no drinking!

-Not a drop will touch our lips.

-Fine.

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We'll get straws!

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Now, are we all here?

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-All except Frazer. He's interviewing a client in Eastbourne.

-Mr Croxton.

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Croxton? Well, he's likely to be delayed for some time. Old Croxton's a bit of a chatterbox.

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He won't chatter in the box Frazer's put him in.

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That joke's in rather bad taste, Jones.

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Put Frazer down for steward. He can serve drinks. Jones, you'll be on the door.

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I'll be on the door, and when the people come in, I'll ask them their names, and tell them who they are.

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-Shall I be in charge of the cloakroom?

-That's a very good idea, Godfrey.

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-Can I help serve drinks?

-You're too young.

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-And me, sir?

-Oh... just try to look pleasant.

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Sgt Wilson should play the piano. That's pleasant.

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Oh, no, no, Jonesy. I'm really not good enough.

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Sgt Wilson's playing would add tone.

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Very well, play, Wilson. Not very loudly.

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What's this about you wanting the hall on Wednesday?

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I need it!

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I need it for an important military purpose.

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You're just having a booze-up!

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No!

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It's my night for it. I'm exercising my prerogative.

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It IS his night. He's within his rights.

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I'll deal with it.

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I must have it. It's an important meeting between army officers and civic dignitaries.

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I haven't been invited!

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I'm not a nobody! I'm a bigwig here!

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Surely you were intending to invite Mr Hodges, Mr Mainwaring?

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Well, I suppose...

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Yes, of course.

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I like a party. Any women?

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No, no women.

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Never mind, we'll have a few jars and a knees-up!

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A knees-up!? This is a dignified social occasion.

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Yes, with musical cocktails and cucumber sandwiches.

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They make you belch, don't they? Thanks. You can have the hall.

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It's settled! Have a good evening. You haven't invited HIM!

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Ah... You'll be very welcome, of course, Vicar.

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I'll look forward to it.

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YOU'RE not coming!

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That's settled. Jones, take your section and resume normal training.

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Sir. My section! Normal training, resume, in the hall. Go!

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Sir, my sister Dolly makes very nice cucumber sandwiches, very dainty.

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Should she do some?

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-Thank you, Godfrey.

-She will be pleased.

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Fine man, that. They all are. There's nobody I'd rather have at my side when the balloon goes up.

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Yes, sir. Weren't you a tiny bit harsh about the pubs?

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-No.

-No?

-No...I don't think so.

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It happens to be something I feel very strongly about.

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It's the way I was brought up. My father was a member of the Master Tailors' Guild.

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Was he?

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They don't drink while they're sewing, I suppose.

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No...

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Of course they don't, no.

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He'd have a sherry on festive occasions - join in the fun.

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But all my family were the same. They all knew when to stop.

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NORTHERN ACCENT: That's better.

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TRAIN CLANKS TO A HALT

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GUARD: Eastbourne! Eastbourne!

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Been to a funeral?

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I happen to be an undertaker!

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You've got the right mush for it!

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And I've got the right fist to flatten that red nose of yours!

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No, no...don't be like that.

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Here - have a drink.

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No.

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I never touch it when I'm going on a professional call.

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Pity. It's real Scotch.

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Well, I'm coming back from a professional call,

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so I'll accept your offer. Slainte!

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Don't mind me. I say what I think, you know.

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Tell the truth and shame the devil, that's me.

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In your job you need a sour, miserable face.

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We do indeed.

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I mean...I mean, you LOOK like an undertaker.

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Now, I need a happy face in my profession.

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I'm a traveller. And I'm not travelling

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in Scotch either!

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Guess what I'm travelling in.

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No idea.

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Oh? Put it there!

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BUZZ!

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You've got it. Jokes. Carnival novelties.

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Smell this!

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Smell this.

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Mainwaring's the name.

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< Barry Mainwaring. Mainwaring?

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Was your father a master tailor in Eastbourne?

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Master tailor?

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I say, that's good! He had a little draper's shop with workmen's clothes hanging up outside!

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Is that a fact?

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Then could you be in any way related to George Mainwaring, the bank manager?

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Old Po-face?

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My brother.

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You don't say?!

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I'm going to see him now. I haven't worked the south coast for 15 years. I've been up north.

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So I thought I'd just drop by - surprise him.

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He'll be pleased to see you?

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I very much doubt it. Especially when he knows what I've come for.

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Is that...? Fancy!

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I've no wish to poke my nose into your private affairs,

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but why's that?

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I'll tell you. Just a minute.

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When my father died...

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I'd looked after him, right up to the finish. He hadn't much to leave, cos he'd always liked a few.

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But I'd always admired...

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..a gold half-hunter watch he had.

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He used to wear in on a chain across his waistcoat, you know?

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Anyway,

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when he popped off,

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old Po-face comes up and says, "I'm having that watch!"

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Well, with the old man kicking the bucket like that, I was a bit upset.

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I'd had a few - I don't mind admitting that.

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Before I knew what was happening, before it dawned on me what was going on, old Po-face had nicked it!

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Never!

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Oh, yes, true as I'm standing on this station!

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So...

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I've taken a room at the Red Lion, and I'm going down to see him!

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Hold on, I'll be seeing him as soon as the train stops. I'll tell him you're coming.

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Will you? Will you do that?

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Of course!

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It will be my pleasure!

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I'm grateful.

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You should have seen Mainwaring's face when I told him I'd met his brother...

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..drunk!

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He must have been shocked.

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Maybe aye, maybe no. I've always said there was bad blood in that family, and I was right.

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They're boozers, the lot of them - boozers!

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My sister Dolly won't have drink in the house, except her own parsnip wine.

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I tried it once - I fell over.

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The last time Uncle Arthur had one over the eight, Mum got ever so angry with him.

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He chased her round the house, trying to tickle her and make her laugh.

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She gave him a black eye and locked him in the coal shed.

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D'you know something else?

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Mainwaring's father was no more a master tailor than I am!

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He was a draper,

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a common wee draper!

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There's nothing wrong with being from humble stock. My father was a humble butcher.

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He didn't have a sign saying, "High class butcher, families waited on."

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He couldn't wait on families because he had no fridge!

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He had to sell stuff quick before it went off.

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Couldn't afford proper sawdust. He had second-hand stuff. All mingy old sawdust with tin-tacks and that.

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He was a God-fearing man - he had quite a nice time!

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I'll tell ye something else.

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According to his brother, our Capt Mainwaring is no more than...

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..a thief!

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I'm sorry, I really can't believe that!

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I'd give a whole pound to be there when they meet.

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He really does sound quite a character.

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He certainly is! The sooner he's out of Walmington, the happier I'll be.

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It's not that I'm ashamed of him...

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We've both had the same upbringing,

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-but he's just let his talents go to waste.

-..While YOU got on, so to speak.

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-Wilson, I want you, if you can, to picture two boys.

-Yes.

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One is popular, good at games - hail-fellow-well-met!

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-The other is shy, lonely, standing in the corner of the playground, alone.

-Yes.

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That one was me.

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I see, yes.

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Sort of hail-fellow-well-met?

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-No, the one alone in the playground.

-Ah.

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Later, of course, he was surrounded by girls - the laughing crowd.

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-And I was left with my books.

-Yes.

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While he was getting sozzled, I was getting a clear brain and a sharp eye.

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-I used to take a cold bath every morning.

-Did you really?

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I expect THAT cleared the brain!

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Oh, yes, yes.

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That way of life was fitting me for what I've become today -

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respected, trustworthy,

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able unashamedly to look the whole world full in the face.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Excuse me. Hello? Yes...yes.

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I think it's your brother, sir.

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I'm busy!

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Can I help you at all? What?

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He says he wants to speak to somebody called Po-face.

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What?

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No...look...

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He says if you're not here, he'll see you tomorrow at the bank.

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-Shall I say 10:30?

-No, I'm busy all day!

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I'm sorry, he's tied up all day.

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'I'll come round to his house.'

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No! Elizabeth would have a fit!

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-'Better still, I'll come over and watch him play soldiers!'

-Why not do that?

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No, Wilson! It's the night of the sherry party!

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Tell him I'll go to the Red Lion tomorrow and see him.

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Are you there? He'll come round tomorrow to the Red Lion to see you.

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Mind the carpet. It's a bit worn. It's the war.

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I'd better make sure he's in a fit state.

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-What name?

-Just say it's a friend.

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A friend? I see.

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MAID: 'Ere, wake up! Somebody to see you - a man. He says he's a friend.

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BARRY: Tell him to go and boil his head.

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MAID SHRIEKS: Oh! Let go! Give over!

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-He's awake.

-Obviously.

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-You can go in now.

-Thank you.

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-A shilling for you.

-Oh, thank you, sir.

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Oh! It's YOU. I thought it might be.

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Well, Barry - it's been a long time.

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Fifteen years.

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By the looks of you, you haven't changed.

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Neither have you, Po-face!

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What do you want? If it's money you've come for, you're out of luck.

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All right, keep your rag on.

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D'you want a drink?

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No, thanks.

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Please yerself.

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I should have thought 5:30 in the afternoon was early, even for YOU.

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Po-face!

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Look at you - rolled umbrella, striped trousers, pot-hat. You've got on, haven't you?

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I'm the branch manager.

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Put your hand in the till when you get a bit short, do you?

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Don't be ridiculous! I have an important affair to see to at 7:30.

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An important affair?! Is she blonde?

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How dare you! It's a sherry party for officers and civic dignitaries.

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-Don't get drunk. It runs in the family.

-It certainly does not!

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It does in MY bloody branch!

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Hey, I'll give you a story - a story to tell them at the party.

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There's this chemist's shop. He had a girl assistant behind the counter.

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-A fella comes in...

-I have to leave in five minutes.

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Tell me, what have you come for?

0:23:490:23:52

-I've come for that watch.

-You're not having it.

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You know Dad wanted me to have that watch for looking after him.

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All you did was pour whisky down his throat.

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It kept him happy. You sat on the end of his bed looking miserable.

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I told him jokes! He loved a joke.

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He laughed when I told him about you and that girl from the sweet factory.

0:24:180:24:23

-She was the assistant manageress.

-Was she hell-as-like! She was a rock puller!

0:24:230:24:30

She'd sling a sticky dollop of rock over a hook and pull it.

0:24:320:24:37

She'd sling it over the hook and pull it again.

0:24:380:24:42

When I told him you tried to pull her and she said, "Sling your hook"...

0:24:420:24:48

..he choked on his bismuth, and he was a goner. He died laughing!

0:24:490:24:54

This is beside the point! I've got the watch and I'm sticking to it!

0:24:540:25:00

All right, all right.

0:25:000:25:02

We'll talk about it later. I'll come to the party.

0:25:030:25:08

-You'll do no such thing!

-And who'll stop me?

0:25:080:25:12

-I'll have you thrown out.

-That would be a nice little scene -

0:25:120:25:17

you standing there all pompous, and me yelling, "Po-face has nicked my watch!"

0:25:170:25:24

"Po-face has nicked my watch!"

0:25:240:25:27

-They'll hear you!

-They'll be all right.

0:25:290:25:32

If I let you have it, do you swear you'll be on that 9:30 train?

0:25:340:25:39

As a commercial traveller and a gentleman, I give you my word.

0:25:430:25:49

Don't pull the chain too hard, you'll flush yourself!

0:25:510:25:55

Just be on that 9:30 train.

0:26:000:26:03

Don't take any tin money.

0:26:040:26:07

To think that you've come to this.

0:26:080:26:11

Let's look at your hands. Good, clean as a whistle.

0:26:200:26:24

What's all that purple stuff on your hands, Pike?

0:26:240:26:29

No need to worry about that - it's a gob-stopper. Look.

0:26:290:26:33

Get rid of it before Capt Mainwaring sees you.

0:26:330:26:37

When he came back from meeting his brother,

0:26:370:26:41

he fair bit my head off just because I asked him to tell me the time by his watch.

0:26:410:26:48

-Will we meet his brother?

-I don't think he's been invited.

0:26:490:26:55

For goodness sake, Godfrey, have you lost your wits?

0:26:550:26:59

Mainwaring's brother is the black sheep of the family.

0:26:590:27:04

If he comes to the party, Mainwaring will be exposed to the world as a fraud.

0:27:040:27:11

Did ye hear me? EXPOSED to the world!

0:27:110:27:14

I hope there are enough sandwiches.

0:27:150:27:18

Left, right,

0:27:180:27:20

left, right - halt!

0:27:200:27:23

I'm sorry I'm late, but I've been killing my moths.

0:27:230:27:27

-This is my announcing suit.

-You look very smart, Jones.

0:27:270:27:32

-Where's Capt Mainwaring?

-He's escorting the general. We'd better get to our positions.

0:27:320:27:39

I'll go over there by the piano. You start announcing the guests. All right?

0:27:390:27:46

Here we are! Blimey, what's going on here - old folk's clinic?!

0:27:460:27:51

You're supposed to come through the front entrance and I announce you.

0:27:510:27:58

-We know who we are! Where's the booze?

-We haven't started yet.

0:27:580:28:03

Cucumber sandwich?

0:28:030:28:05

Yes! Very nice, ta.

0:28:050:28:08

Mm, lovely. Mm!

0:28:080:28:11

They're tasty!

0:28:140:28:16

I say, how delicious!

0:28:160:28:19

They're all right, they are! Mm!

0:28:270:28:29

Only two left. Pity to waste them.

0:28:290:28:33

Go and get some more.

0:28:330:28:36

-Mainwaring's brother is coming!

-What?!

-He'll be exposed! I knew it!

0:28:400:28:47

That's a silly place to leave a fire-bucket!

0:28:480:28:52

HE SINGS DRUNKENLY

0:28:520:28:55

Who's drawn these curtains?

0:28:550:28:58

-Hello. Good evening, everybody. Is this the party?

-Excuse me,

0:29:000:29:05

could you tell me your name?

0:29:050:29:07

Barry Mainwaring - jokes and carnival novelties.

0:29:070:29:11

M'lords, ladies and gentlemen - Mr Barry Mainwaring, jokes and carnival novelties.

0:29:130:29:20

Is it...is it a fancy dress do?

0:29:200:29:24

You must be Capt Mainwaring's brother. Hello.

0:29:240:29:28

It IS fancy dress! You've come as a vicar.

0:29:280:29:31

Your collar's the wrong way round.

0:29:310:29:35

Never mind...

0:29:350:29:37

..have an exploding cigar.

0:29:370:29:39

He's all tiddly! You've got to do something about him.

0:29:390:29:44

-What can I do?

-Go and talk to him.

0:29:440:29:47

How very nice to see you! We spoke to each other on the telephone.

0:29:470:29:53

Oh, yes. You're the one with the posh voice.

0:29:530:29:56

-I gave him a rough time today, so I came round to apologise.

-I see.

0:29:560:30:03

You don't apologise to Napoleon!

0:30:030:30:06

Napoleon! Is that what you call him?

0:30:060:30:09

That's very good. You know what I call him? Po-face!

0:30:130:30:17

Po-face! That's good. PO-FACE!

0:30:170:30:21

That just about describes him.

0:30:210:30:25

­ That's enough!

0:30:250:30:26

We must do something. He'll show Mr Mainwaring up.

0:30:260:30:30

More guests are arriving. He'll be exposed and ruined!

0:30:300:30:35

-Don't panic! More guests! Keep calm!

-All right, Jonesy, all right.

0:30:350:30:41

He might care to wash his hands, or something.

0:30:410:30:45

Good idea! Frank, take him in there. Jonesy, carry on announcing guests.

0:30:450:30:51

There's this chemist shop with a girl assistant at the counter.

0:30:510:30:57

A fella comes into the shop, and he said...

0:30:570:31:01

Come with me. He didn't say that!

0:31:010:31:04

He was just getting to the fruity bit!

0:31:040:31:07

I'm glad he was stopped.

0:31:070:31:10

There's a basin in the corner. I'll get you a towel.

0:31:100:31:15

M'lords, ladies and gentlemen - Captain Doubleday and Major Shoesmith!

0:31:200:31:26

It's CAPTAIN Shoesmith!

0:31:260:31:28

M'lords, ladies and gentlemen - the other way round.

0:31:280:31:33

FRANTIC BANGING Let me out! You've locked the damn door! >

0:31:340:31:39

-Play something! I've got an idea to keep him quiet.

-All right.

0:31:390:31:45

-Can you play "In The Mood"? It's popular.

-Is it?

0:31:450:31:49

Would you like a cucumber sandwich? My sister Dolly made them.

0:31:490:31:54

Emergency!

0:31:540:31:55

Have one of Mr Godfrey's sandwiches. His sister makes them.

0:31:560:32:01

-Come along, play up!

-All right.

0:32:010:32:04

You can have this, but promise to be quiet as a church mouse.

0:32:040:32:09

Here we are, sir. Frazer will take your cap.

0:32:090:32:13

Would you tell me your name, sir?

0:32:130:32:16

Major General Stevens.

0:32:160:32:19

-Would you tell me your name, sir?

-Yes, it's Captain... Oh, get on with it!

0:32:190:32:25

M'lords, ladies and gentlemen - Major General Stevens and Captain Mainwaring, Esquire,

0:32:290:32:37

and some other people.

0:32:370:32:40

Hello, Napoleon!

0:32:420:32:45

-Good evening.

-I've just met your brother.

0:32:450:32:49

Excuse me.

0:32:490:32:51

-You've what?!

-That wiped the smile off your face, Po-face!

0:32:510:32:55

Excuse me! There's nothing to worry about.

0:32:550:32:59

-He's promised to keep quiet in there.

-What state was he in?

-Drunk.

0:32:590:33:04

There's little chance he'll keep his promise!

0:33:040:33:08

He will, because I bribed him. I gave him a whole bottle of sherry.

0:33:080:33:13

You STUPID boy!

0:33:150:33:18

-What else could I do?

-Don't use that tone of voice.

0:33:180:33:22

Frazer! Jones! Get him out of there.

0:33:220:33:25

They'll all see him. You'll be exposed!

0:33:250:33:29

Shove him through the window.

0:33:290:33:32

Rely on us, we'll shove him through the window.

0:33:320:33:36

-Cucumber sandwich?

-Go away!

0:33:360:33:38

Play the piano while we push Barry through the window.

0:33:400:33:44

-What do you suggest?

-Make it LOUD.

0:33:440:33:48

You go in. I've had a better idea! PIANO PLAYS

0:33:480:33:52

-We'll never get him through there!

-We might manage it.

0:33:580:34:02

-We're going to push you through the window.

-Is a landlady after me?

0:34:020:34:08

That's it. Heave!

0:34:100:34:13

Tell him to lie sideways. Turn him sideways.

0:34:160:34:20

Pick up, that's it! Straight on. OK, Pikey.

0:34:200:34:24

We've arranged to take some infantry fire,

0:34:240:34:27

-by the crack and thump method...

-'Scuse us!

0:34:270:34:31

-Just getting rid of the empties.

-Good, good.

0:34:310:34:35

THEY GRUNT AND GROAN

0:34:360:34:40

It's no good trying him sideways. He's as broad as he's long!

0:34:420:34:47

Is this some sort of parlour game, like "sardines"?

0:34:470:34:52

'Ere, let's put him in this!

0:34:520:34:55

That's an idea! Leave the window, try getting in the cupboard.

0:34:550:35:01

Ah! It IS sardines!

0:35:010:35:04

I'm not hiding with HIM. He's an undertaker.

0:35:060:35:10

You're not going to saw me in half, are you?

0:35:120:35:16

We'll bolt it to make sure he can't get out.

0:35:160:35:21

If we all lift at the same time...

0:35:210:35:24

Who's the next one in?

0:35:260:35:29

Give me the hammer.

0:35:300:35:32

If you know the formula, you can work out the distance between you and the chap shooting at you...

0:35:330:35:41

LOUD HAMMERING What's that noise?

0:35:410:35:44

-That's Wilson playing the piano. That's enough, Wilson...

-Pardon?

0:35:440:35:49

-I mean the hammering.

-Oh! Excuse me, sir.

0:35:490:35:53

-Find out what's happening in there.

-Right.

0:35:540:35:58

Ha! That's it.

0:35:580:36:00

-HE SINGS

-Come on.

-Come on.

0:36:000:36:04

My turn again, is it? Soon comes round, doesn't it?

0:36:040:36:09

Come on, Wilson.

0:36:100:36:12

When I say lift, we all lift. Ready? LIFT!

0:36:120:36:17

He's not very heavy!

0:36:190:36:21

It's easy when we all pull together.

0:36:210:36:25

Come on, let's get on with it.

0:36:250:36:27

Hey! Look!

0:36:270:36:30

He doesn't look after his boots.

0:36:300:36:33

Put him down.

0:36:330:36:36

What floor is this, then?

0:36:390:36:42

I hope your men aren't damaging that dressing room.

0:36:430:36:48

We heard some strange noises.

0:36:480:36:51

It's just a little domestic matter.

0:36:510:36:54

The captain's putting a brave face on it (!)

0:36:540:36:58

Excuse me, I'm discussing tactics.

0:36:580:37:00

-You have a brave face as well as another sort of face (!)

-Well done! Well done, chaps.

0:37:000:37:08

-My chaps are doing some clearing up.

-Getting rid of empties, eh?

0:37:080:37:13

This one's a wee bit full, sir!

0:37:130:37:16

-Wilson.

-Sir?

-Everything all right?

0:37:160:37:19

-Could I speak to you in private?

-Of course. Excuse us.

0:37:190:37:24

-What's happened?

-Jones is taking him to the station.

-Well done.

0:37:290:37:34

I got this watch back for you, sir. I know how much you treasure it.

0:37:340:37:40

Thank you. I appreciate it, Wilson.

0:37:400:37:42

Look, on second thoughts, he hasn't got very much...

0:37:440:37:48

-See him safely on to the train, give that back to him and wish him well.

-All right, sir. I, er...

0:37:480:37:56

..I hope he appreciates it.

0:37:570:37:59

There's only one left. Will you have it?

0:37:590:38:03

No, thank you, Godfrey. The general wants to talk to me.

0:38:030:38:08

Delicious! My sister has a wonderful way with cucumber sandwiches.

0:38:140:38:20

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:38:280:38:32

A special Christmas episode from 1975 of the classic comedy about the Home Guard unit of Walmington-on-Sea.

Captain Mainwaring has an unexpected and most unwelcome guest, much to Frazer's delight.