Episode 1 Doodlebugs

-Lincolnshire?

-Yes, sir.

-Binky.

-Yes, sir.

-Timkins.

-Yes, sir.

-Cumberland.

-Yes, sir.

-Thomson.

-Yes, sir.

-Dribbler.

-Yes, sir.

-Richard.

-Yes, sir.

-Pork And Mustard.

-Yes, sir.

-Bratwurst.

-Yes, sir.

-Sweet Chilli.

-Yes, sir.

-Dangler.

-Yes.

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo doodle-doodle

# Doodlebug

# Bmm-bmm-bmm-bmm

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug. #

Put me down now, Stephen.

Stephen, come on it's bedtime.

We know we said earlier... Argh!

Come on, now don't make me call your mum...

Come on now, you...

You promised once you'd had your snack,

you were going to go to bed. Now come on.

Stephen... Stephen, you...

Don't even think about it, Stephen!

I'm warning you, I'm going to call your mother!

Enough now. I've given you enough leeway.

Ow!

£8 an hour for baby-sitting...

..you've got to be kidding me.

POLE LAUGHS

I don't know whether I like this any more!

POLE CONTINUES LAUGHING

Oh, Gary, be careful.

Someone could just walk in at any minute.

But, I can't wait any longer, just kiss me!

Kiss me like you've never kissed anything before!

Please, kiss me.

Oh, God. Oh...

Oh, Bryan's coming!

Act natural, act natural!

So, as I was saying, we've just had moss put on the wall.

And we're thinking of putting in a dado rail.

Oh, he's gone.

Oh God, that was too close. We can't keep doing this, Gary!

CAT PURRS

What can I say? We're in love, you know?

Sure, he's a cat, I'm a balloon...

Oh, stop it! You're so affectionate.

It shouldn't work, but it does.

It really does.

Am I happy? Do I look happy?

Of course I'm happy, I'm delighted.

Sure, there's an age gap,

but this little furball keeps me young!

And the people may talk, but let them talk,

let them say what they want.

I don't see any reason why we can't be together forever

and ever and ever and e...

CAT YOWLS

LAWN MOWER MUNCHES

LAWN MOWER BURPS

MACHINE LAUGHS

Uh-oh!

Oooh!

# You put the cat in the kettle and the kettle in the cat

# And the cat in the kettle and it looks like that. #

Everybody now, sing along!

Oh, he's not interested now.

Hang on, he loves this song, he'll be back.

He'll be back. Come on, love.

# Put the cat in the kettle and the kettle in the cat... #

I mean it's not a famous nursery rhyme, but these things take time.

You've got to start somewhere.

-Ready?

-Yeah. You sure about this, dude?

Dude! Trust me, man, it's such a rush! You're gonna love it.

This does not feel safe, dude!

This does not feel safe.

Here we go, dude! OK, it's coming.

Are you ready? Three, two, one...

..woooo!

-Whoa!

-Hey!

What did I say, man? What a rush!

Man, that is cricket, dude. That is cricket.

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug. #

EASTENDERS THEME PLAYS

OK, quiet on set!

I'm going to rehearse it one more time with the actress!

And the next time, we're going to shoot! OK.

And...action!

OK. Walk to me, walk to me. Good, good.

Open the tap. Excellent.

OK., What's the first line? "I do, I do something."

-I do know that I wasn't very nice to him...

-Yes, good.

OK, good. Nice energy.

-Tell you that, did he?!

-Good good, bring bit more.

-Pillow talk!

-Pillow talk, lovely. Give bit more to me.

Tell you that I was a hard-faced cow? Yeah, well, maybe I am, but...

You are. You are a hard-faced cow.

What's the next line?

-He didn't deserve nice.

-Excellent. Keep it low, nice and low for me.

-What was he? What was he?

-Selfish!

A selfish what? A selfish what, hmm?

A selfish man that was only happy when he was centre of attention.

Now he's done a bunk, but you'd know all about that, wouldn't ya?!

Love it! Bring to me, come on.

Quiet again, quiet.

-Selfish...

-Buenisimo!

-Who is it? Who is it?

-Ev.

-Ev?

I think it's Trev.

-She sussed him years ago.

-Is it Ev or is it Trev?

I think it's Trev.

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

# Doodlebug. #

-Hiya!

-Hi...

-You've gone all shy.

-No, I haven't!

-He has. He's gone all shy, look.

LAUGHTER

Um, we're brothers.

-Twins.

-Yeah, of course, twins!

And, um...

..a lot of people often confuse us.

-Um, can't tell the difference.

-No.

But you can. If you look closely, we've got different noses.

-Different noses.

-We're here cos,

-well, we're hoping to secure a record deal.

-Record deal, yeah.

-To Simon Cowell...

-If you're out there...

-..sign us up!

No, only joking. I think we've got good voices.

-Cracking voices.

-Cracking voices, yeah.

And we look good.

-And our USP is that...

-BOTH:

-..we're twins!

In the tradition of twin pop stars.

Yeah, Jedward and The Proclaimers.

Um, and Daft Punk.

-Are Daft Punk brothers?

-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are.

-Yeah, they're twins.

-Really?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What, cos of the helmets?

-No, that's their faces.

-Really?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Wow.

# Around the world Around the world

# Around the world Around the world. #

OPERA SINGING

Yep. It's a yes from me.

Hey, you know what? I have a guilty pleasure!

-What's this guilty pleasure?

-It's, I love to watch Mr Bean.

Ah! Mr Bean so funny!

It's so funny! Because he's always making a mistake.

Oh, look over here! Oh, bounce on my nose!

And he slips over!

I love the one where it's Christmas and he's making a turkey.

And it ends up on his head!

Oh, Mr Bean, you're so crazy!

And he doesn't know where he's going!

Oh, Mr Bean!

Mr Bean!

# Is there life on Mars?

# Is there life on Mars? #

Probably not, but we can but dream.

I was watching more Mr Bean.

-Oh, bene, bene.

-He's so funny.

He's got a car, and he's strapping an armchair to the roof of a car.

-Si.

-And he's driving along!

Wait a minute! How he drive his car from armchair on the roof?

Oh, that's a good question!

He's using a broomstick.

A broomstick? Oh!

I mean, who would do that in real life?

Mr Bean!

I love Mr Bean!

So funny!

# Here I go again on my own!

# Going down the only road I've ever known

# Like a drifter I was born to walk alone! #

She's so bright for a three-year-old, you know?

I said, "There's no way you can build me any taller,"

and then she did! Shush, shush, shush!

-What?

-Shush!

-What is it?

-Everyone shush!

-What's coming!

-What's wrong?

-He's coming!

-Who?

Oh!

-There's a parakeet behind me, isn't there?

-Yes.

Now look, if this is about me touching your nuts,

I had no idea they were yours.

-Perfectly still...

-Please, Mr Parakeet.

-Show no fear.

-Don't hurt me!

-Shut up.

-I've never done nothing...

Whoops! I love your quiff!

Great party.

Welcome, traveller,

who dares to drink the un-flushed wee

must answer first these riddles three.

No, you've got to answer the riddles first.

All right, have a bit now, but then answer the riddles.

All right?

Wings have I but feathered not, and two legs for...

No. You're not supposed to drink

until you've answered the three riddles.

Come back, sir.

Hey, mate, come here.

I've got a mouse you can have. Come in and have a look.

No, it's all right. Come on, just stick your head in here.

No, seriously.

Hey! It's just toast! Toast, isn't it?

Toast, cat! Toast! Idiot!

Yeah, we have a right old good craic around here.

We... In fact, the other day, yesterday,

we were winding Mickey up about the new Doctor Who being a woman.

He reckoned it's stolen his childhood.

Mickey! What do you reckon about the new Doctor Who being a woman?

Yeah, they've stolen my childhood.

He's a stick in the mud, isn't he?

I'm all for it myself. The winds of change - I think it's a good thing.

Oh, yeah, I love it here.

Have they no shame?!

It's disgusting!

They should do that in the privacy of their own home!

Yeah!

I just think it's disgusting!

Rubbing our noses in it like this!

Just brazen, isn't it?!

What are you looking at, sweetheart?

You've never seen a white and blue beach hut together before?

It's 2017. Wake up and smell the coffee!

-I feel really self-conscious.

-Ignore them.

You're with me. All right?

-You make me feel happy.

-You make me feel happy too.

-I really love you.

-I love you.

It's us against the world.

Hello, beautiful lady!

-Please leave.

-OK, maybe I see you later at the bar?

This is my one chance to relax, thank you.

Goodbye, beautiful lady!

Thank you.

I don't think they're coming back.

First time in Cape Town?

Oh, let me guess, I'm on your bucket list?

You know what you want to do?

You want to get yourself up to Table Mountain.

It's like a mountain with its head chopped off.

# Para bailar la bamba

# Whoa!

# Para bailar la bamba se necessita una poca de gracia... #

Whoa!

Yes, I speak many languages, including the language of love.

I am so lonely!

Sir, is this your first time in Cape Town, sir?

Have you asked him if this is his first time in Cape Town?

He says it is!

All right! Tell him to go to Table Mountain - it'll blow his mind!

You always say this!

I love Table Mountain!

-Ah, this is nice.

-Mm-hm.

-Ahem.

-It's that waiter, isn't it?

I think he's waiting for a tip.

-Tip.

-I'm not going to tip, this is an all-inclusive resort.

So just forget...

Tip, tip, tip,

tip, tip,

-tip, tip, tip, tip!

-It's quite distracting.

-Fart!

-He just farted, Doug.

Sorry, do you mind not farting so much?

-Nah.

-Very smelly, I can smell him.

Excuse me, do you even work here?

No, just like tips.

# I wasn't looking for this

# But now you're in my way

# Your stare was holding

# Ripped jeans, skin was showing

# Hot night, wind was blowing

# Where you think you're going, baby?

# Hey, I just met you

# And this is crazy

# But here's my number

# So call me maybe

It's hard to look right at you, baby

# But here's my number

# So call me maybe

# Hey, I just met you

# And this is crazy

# But here's my number

# So call me maybe

# And all the other boys

# Try to chase me

# But here's my number

# So call me maybe... #

Scrumdiddlyumptious.

You know I heard something, but maybe it's just a rumour...

-Si.

-That they are making a third film of Mr Bean.

Get out of town!

No, it's not get out of town, it's true!

And in the film, he gets into a hot-air balloon.

What happens in the hot-air balloon?

He goes up, up and up and up into the sky

-and then into space!

-Into space?!

I mean, who would do that in real life?

BOTH: Mr Bean!

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo doodle-doodle

# Doodlebug

# Bmm-bmm-bmm-bmm

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo doodle-doodle

# Doodlebug, Doodlebug! #