Episode 3 Election Spy


Episode 3

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This programme contains some strong language.

:00:00.:00:16.

I never thought the Tory party would become the Just About Managing.

:00:17.:00:26.

I'm not sure banging on about Labour's

:00:27.:00:35.

Magic Money Tree is a good idea, half the thickos on Facebook will

:00:36.:00:38.

Has Lynton had a stroke or something?

:00:39.:00:47.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, but they said you should...

:00:48.:00:52.

No, that's what a Tory candidate is calling our campaign.

:00:53.:00:57.

Congratulate them on their perspicacity.

:00:58.:01:00.

Are we really in trouble after May ducked the debate?

:01:01.:01:07.

Sun readers won't have bothered to watch the debate.

:01:08.:01:19.

But will they bother to read as far as page 10?

:01:20.:01:27.

Yes, I am one of no doubt thousands ringing to complain

:01:28.:01:30.

about the outrageous BBC bias inflicted upon Paul Nuttall

:01:31.:01:32.

I mean, it's fundamentally dishonest.

:01:33.:01:37.

I'm calling you from bonny Scotland, one of no doubt thousands ringing

:01:38.:01:42.

to complain about the outrageous BBC bias inflicted upon wee Paul Nuttall

:01:43.:01:45.

When I saw the debate I thought, "goodness gracious me"...

:01:46.:02:00.

I thought Tim did well in the debate. We have dropped more points

:02:01.:02:08.

in the polls than Theresa May dropped by not turning up. Why? You

:02:09.:02:12.

haven't been a liberal very long, have you? And I hallucinating? This

:02:13.:02:19.

is good news. We are being endorsed by the Economist! What do you mean?

:02:20.:02:28.

Do you mean this is completely fucking irrelevant and we will get

:02:29.:02:33.

two more votes in Tunbridge Wells? Done better with the clippings

:02:34.:02:34.

today. We'll be one point

:02:35.:02:46.

ahead by election day. And if the election was held

:02:47.:02:47.

on June the 23rd we'd be Out there on the ground,

:02:48.:02:50.

Jeremy is really connecting Gardeners' World's got

:02:51.:02:54.

younger readers than that. Thanks to social media, young people

:02:55.:03:00.

are going to win it for us. Young people didn't vote for Ed,

:03:01.:03:03.

they didn't vote for Remain. They talk about it but

:03:04.:03:11.

they just don't turn up. I mean they put polling stations

:03:12.:03:13.

in schools and libraries! That's the last place

:03:14.:03:17.

young people want to go. Maybe, we should put them in,

:03:18.:03:19.

I don't know, Nandos, or tattoo parlours,

:03:20.:03:22.

or in their front rooms in reach Or let them order polling

:03:23.:03:25.

cards from Deliveroo. But even then half of them won't

:03:26.:03:29.

vote because they're off their tits I'm going to let you regroup

:03:30.:03:32.

and I'm going to speak I prefer it if you didn't say tits

:03:33.:03:38.

in the office. Add Ian McShane to that and you've

:03:39.:03:51.

got my perfect dinner party. Nigel is now a person of interest to

:03:52.:04:18.

the FBI? Although I suppose he's

:04:19.:04:22.

not our leader anymore. And quite frankly you would meet

:04:23.:04:25.

Russians when you're the British Ambassador in

:04:26.:04:29.

Washington. No, Diana, that was

:04:30.:04:30.

just a Trump tweet. He does look good

:04:31.:04:32.

with his shirt off. Well, he has won 10

:04:33.:04:35.

elections in a row. And that's not even

:04:36.:04:41.

in his own country. Do you think he could

:04:42.:04:43.

interfere in our election? Oh, God, now these

:04:44.:04:45.

polls are catastrophic. "People interested in the election

:04:46.:04:47.

have risen from 22% to 37%." How the bloody hell are we expected

:04:48.:04:52.

to win if the public We are out of time. You have seen it

:04:53.:05:11.

all before. It doesn't matter? I thought it was an absolute fucking

:05:12.:05:18.

fiasco. He wouldn't shut up! It was like a Scientologist mated with

:05:19.:05:21.

Chris Evans. I tell you, this is going to lose as so many seats.

:05:22.:05:27.

Well, not that many... You see, there is an upside to being a

:05:28.:05:28.

liberal... it makes no difference whether

:05:29.:05:33.

you watch my show or not. In two years' time, you will have

:05:34.:05:40.

all memory of it beaten out of you

:05:41.:05:44.

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