Episode 3 Election Spy
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Transcript
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|---|---|---|---|
This programme contains some strong language. | :00:00. | :00:16. | |
I never thought the Tory party would become the Just About Managing. | :00:17. | :00:26. | |
I'm not sure banging on about Labour's | :00:27. | :00:35. | |
Magic Money Tree is a good idea, half the thickos on Facebook will | :00:36. | :00:38. | |
Has Lynton had a stroke or something? | :00:39. | :00:47. | |
Sorry, sorry, sorry, but they said you should... | :00:48. | :00:52. | |
No, that's what a Tory candidate is calling our campaign. | :00:53. | :00:57. | |
Congratulate them on their perspicacity. | :00:58. | :01:00. | |
Are we really in trouble after May ducked the debate? | :01:01. | :01:07. | |
Sun readers won't have bothered to watch the debate. | :01:08. | :01:19. | |
But will they bother to read as far as page 10? | :01:20. | :01:27. | |
Yes, I am one of no doubt thousands ringing to complain | :01:28. | :01:30. | |
about the outrageous BBC bias inflicted upon Paul Nuttall | :01:31. | :01:32. | |
I mean, it's fundamentally dishonest. | :01:33. | :01:37. | |
I'm calling you from bonny Scotland, one of no doubt thousands ringing | :01:38. | :01:42. | |
to complain about the outrageous BBC bias inflicted upon wee Paul Nuttall | :01:43. | :01:45. | |
When I saw the debate I thought, "goodness gracious me"... | :01:46. | :02:00. | |
I thought Tim did well in the debate. We have dropped more points | :02:01. | :02:08. | |
in the polls than Theresa May dropped by not turning up. Why? You | :02:09. | :02:12. | |
haven't been a liberal very long, have you? And I hallucinating? This | :02:13. | :02:19. | |
is good news. We are being endorsed by the Economist! What do you mean? | :02:20. | :02:28. | |
Do you mean this is completely fucking irrelevant and we will get | :02:29. | :02:33. | |
two more votes in Tunbridge Wells? Done better with the clippings | :02:34. | :02:34. | |
today. We'll be one point | :02:35. | :02:46. | |
ahead by election day. And if the election was held | :02:47. | :02:47. | |
on June the 23rd we'd be Out there on the ground, | :02:48. | :02:50. | |
Jeremy is really connecting Gardeners' World's got | :02:51. | :02:54. | |
younger readers than that. Thanks to social media, young people | :02:55. | :03:00. | |
are going to win it for us. Young people didn't vote for Ed, | :03:01. | :03:03. | |
they didn't vote for Remain. They talk about it but | :03:04. | :03:11. | |
they just don't turn up. I mean they put polling stations | :03:12. | :03:13. | |
in schools and libraries! That's the last place | :03:14. | :03:17. | |
young people want to go. Maybe, we should put them in, | :03:18. | :03:19. | |
I don't know, Nandos, or tattoo parlours, | :03:20. | :03:22. | |
or in their front rooms in reach Or let them order polling | :03:23. | :03:25. | |
cards from Deliveroo. But even then half of them won't | :03:26. | :03:29. | |
vote because they're off their tits I'm going to let you regroup | :03:30. | :03:32. | |
and I'm going to speak I prefer it if you didn't say tits | :03:33. | :03:38. | |
in the office. Add Ian McShane to that and you've | :03:39. | :03:51. | |
got my perfect dinner party. Nigel is now a person of interest to | :03:52. | :04:18. | |
the FBI? Although I suppose he's | :04:19. | :04:22. | |
not our leader anymore. And quite frankly you would meet | :04:23. | :04:25. | |
Russians when you're the British Ambassador in | :04:26. | :04:29. | |
Washington. No, Diana, that was | :04:30. | :04:30. | |
just a Trump tweet. He does look good | :04:31. | :04:32. | |
with his shirt off. Well, he has won 10 | :04:33. | :04:35. | |
elections in a row. And that's not even | :04:36. | :04:41. | |
in his own country. Do you think he could | :04:42. | :04:43. | |
interfere in our election? Oh, God, now these | :04:44. | :04:45. | |
polls are catastrophic. "People interested in the election | :04:46. | :04:47. | |
have risen from 22% to 37%." How the bloody hell are we expected | :04:48. | :04:52. | |
to win if the public We are out of time. You have seen it | :04:53. | :05:11. | |
all before. It doesn't matter? I thought it was an absolute fucking | :05:12. | :05:18. | |
fiasco. He wouldn't shut up! It was like a Scientologist mated with | :05:19. | :05:21. | |
Chris Evans. I tell you, this is going to lose as so many seats. | :05:22. | :05:27. | |
Well, not that many... You see, there is an upside to being a | :05:28. | :05:28. | |
liberal... it makes no difference whether | :05:29. | :05:33. | |
you watch my show or not. In two years' time, you will have | :05:34. | :05:40. | |
all memory of it beaten out of you | :05:41. | :05:44. |