Episode 4 Election Spy


Episode 4

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This programme contains some strong language.

:00:00.:00:18.

After May's performance, I'm not sure if I'd admit that I was voting

:00:19.:00:25.

Sure, there's lots of people on NHS waiting lists, but

:00:26.:00:28.

hopefully they'll be in too much pain to get out and vote.

:00:29.:00:31.

We say it'll be incredibly close to get our vote

:00:32.:00:39.

We know that the throwing a dead cat on the table strategy is useful, but

:00:40.:01:01.

we don't use an actual cat. It is a metaphor, we spoke about metaphors.

:01:02.:01:09.

I got my nephew to do it. The FBI are saying he is just a person of

:01:10.:01:15.

interest. I miss that sexy, wheezy chuckle. They keep stealing our

:01:16.:01:27.

clothes. We need to move further to the right. He needs to announce we

:01:28.:01:34.

are going to bring back hanging. And Paul will do it himself.

:01:35.:01:37.

We can't send something out that calls Theresa

:01:38.:01:44.

Anyone with a vagina.

:01:45.:01:51.

Besides, I thought you were all for 'reclaiming' language?

:01:52.:01:55.

We've reclaimed 'slut' and 'queer', but pussy is still up for

:01:56.:01:58.

Anyway, there are lots of words for coward.

:01:59.:02:01.

'Yellow' could be problematic for people of Asiatic

:02:02.:02:08.

They're the last group it is OK to offend.

:02:09.:02:24.

It's for tonight's Question Time viewing party.

:02:25.:02:33.

Oh, god, I don't know what's worse, the fact that Tim had a car-crash

:02:34.:02:48.

interview with Andrew Neil or the fact that no-one's bloody

:02:49.:02:51.

Jesus, we're in total fucking crisis!

:02:52.:02:54.

No, no, a crisis is when your leader pays a hit-man to shoot his

:02:55.:03:04.

Still, least it got us lots of coverage.

:03:05.:03:14.

Maybe if Tim shot Andrew Neil's dog...

:03:15.:03:19.

I know when she smiles she looks like she's an extra in Deliverance,

:03:20.:03:26.

but we're bringing in an American smile consultant.

:03:27.:03:28.

What, and Theresa visit another Festival of Cheese?

:03:29.:03:33.

Toby, oi, have you put the complaint in about the

:03:34.:03:44.

And tell them we need more shouty shouters to drown out

:03:45.:03:53.

That's the trouble with being supported by the silent

:03:54.:03:56.

So, now we're going big on immigration.

:03:57.:04:00.

Any joy with that research into Tim's family to find more directly

:04:01.:04:22.

I've just got back as far as his great-grantparents,

:04:23.:04:28.

but sadly they died of natural causes.

:04:29.:04:30.

We could make something up...

:04:31.:04:32.

got rickets cos Thatcher stopped the free milk.

:04:33.:04:35.

We're the Lib Dems, no-one'll check it.

:04:36.:04:48.

This Thanet Tory charged with fiddling election expenses...

:04:49.:04:50.

The whole Thanet thing was a joke.

:04:51.:04:52.

There was this candidate called Murray who said he was a pub

:04:53.:04:55.

landlord, and I know for a fact he didn't run a pub.

:04:56.:04:58.

If this MacKinlay went to prison it wouldn't bring Nigel's career back

:04:59.:05:01.

I'm not a vindictive woman, but I hope David Cameron ends up in

:05:02.:05:09.

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