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Ladies and gentlemen, for the next 15 seconds at least, you're watching Fast and Loose! | 0:00:01 | 0:00:06 | |
On the show tonight, the Danes hate to see him go, Justin Edwards. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:12 | |
Is this a dagger I see before me? No, it's Laura Solon! | 0:00:12 | 0:00:17 | |
Over from America to discuss East/West trade initiatives, | 0:00:17 | 0:00:21 | |
Wayne Brady! | 0:00:21 | 0:00:22 | |
He's banned from seven European countries, Jonathan Mangum! | 0:00:22 | 0:00:27 | |
She's still drunk from New Year, Jess Ransom! | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
And he can't even spell his own name, Humphrey Ker. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:35 | |
And finally, would you please welcome your host - a man who sounds a lot like me - | 0:00:39 | 0:00:44 | |
Hugh Dennis! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:45 | |
Hello and welcome to Fast and Loose. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
Tonight we'll be improvising scenes, sketches and TV spoofs | 0:00:57 | 0:01:01 | |
and picking our performers' brains on an array of topics. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
Let's play Fast and Loose! | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Right. Let's start with a game called Weak Links. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
It involves Justin, Laura, Humphrey and Wayne. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
So if you'd like to get into position, please. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
This is our version of the BBC's worldwide quiz show phenomenon. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
I will play the host, who of course is normally the one and only Anne Robinson. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:25 | |
The rest of you will act as contestants. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
To spice things up, we'll give each of you a character to play. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
Justin, you are an increasingly drunk bride's father. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:37 | |
Laura, you are a call centre worker. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
Humphrey, you're Braveheart. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
And Wayne, you are a miracle-working Evangelist. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
So let's get on with the game. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
First, let's meet our contestants. You are? | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
DRUNKEN SLUR: Yes, I'm Justin Edwards. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
It's an absolute... It's an absolute pleasure. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
What a wonderful day. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
What a wonderful day we are having so far. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
Thank you. And you? | 0:02:12 | 0:02:13 | |
Hello. My name is Laura. I'm a trained customer services adviser. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:18 | |
But let me make the point that "service" and "advice" are very different words to "help". | 0:02:18 | 0:02:24 | |
You, tall man. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
AGGRESSIVE SCOTTISH ACCENT: My name is William Wallace. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
And I don't like you! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
I don't like you. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
Fair call. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
And you, sir? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:38 | |
-DEEP SOUTH EVANGELIST: -I'm the Reverend Charles Botenson. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
I came to hear you. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
Right. Let's play Weak Links. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
What girl's name is the same as stations in London and Manchester? | 0:02:57 | 0:03:01 | |
Doesn't my daughter... Doesn't she look good? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
Doesn't my daughter look... She's fan... You would, wouldn't you? | 0:03:04 | 0:03:08 | |
I wouldn't. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
What L is the main ingredient of the Indian dish dal? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:14 | |
I could answer that, but I have to ask you a security question first. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
What word that means "to mutter" is the same name as a seaside resort in Wales? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:28 | |
AGGRESSIVELY: Wales, another country under the jackboot of the English! | 0:03:28 | 0:03:33 | |
For too long have we, the Celtic fringe, | 0:03:33 | 0:03:37 | |
been held back by people asking us questions about things we don't know the answer to. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:42 | |
Well, no longer, say I! | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
So there! | 0:03:45 | 0:03:46 | |
With knobs on! | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
Big spiky knobs! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
Sorry! | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
I still don't like you. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
What is the last letter of the Greek alphabet? | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
I refuse to acknowledge the Greek alphabet. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
Because the Greek alphabet never helped anybody get up in the morning. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:10 | |
The Greek alphabet never helped anybody enjoy the sunlight | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
and walk when they could not walk. Stand up! | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
Stand up. Now sit down. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
You, sir. Which animals build dams and lodges? | 0:04:25 | 0:04:30 | |
SLURRED: I paid...for everything here. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:34 | |
The total tragedy is that my wife is here today. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:39 | |
The animal that builds lodges. Masons. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
-Beavers. -Yes. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
You, girl. Which Cluedo character has a military rank? | 0:04:50 | 0:04:54 | |
You may apply for that answer from our question answering department, Anne, | 0:04:54 | 0:05:00 | |
but you will have to fill in a form, send four different types of ID | 0:05:00 | 0:05:04 | |
including a blood sample and a caricature by a Parisian street artist. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:09 | |
You, the one I don't like. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
What is the capital of Iraq? | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
Iraq. They've "Iraq'd" my arm off, you son of a bitch! | 0:05:15 | 0:05:20 | |
And why? Cos I stood up for my children. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
And my children's children. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:25 | |
And that queen that I had sex with in the film, | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
even though she was nae born for 100 years! | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Typical shoddy English workmanship! | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
If that had been built in Aberdeen, I could have pushed it over with impunity! | 0:05:40 | 0:05:45 | |
And you, praying man. What is... | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
I don't hear you. I hear Him. He can ask me a question. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:56 | |
I am more important than Him. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
What is the name of the famous racehorse. I beg your pardon, I'll ask that again. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:05 | |
What was the name of... Oh, God, I can't understand the way this is written. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:10 | |
Read! | 0:06:11 | 0:06:12 | |
-EVANGELICAL: -The name of which... | 0:06:18 | 0:06:21 | |
The name of which famous racehorse was the word murder spelt backwards? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:27 | |
It's not a British question at all. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
SPEAKS IN TONGUES | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
-Red Rum. -Correct. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
Right. That's the end of the round. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
I have randomly decided to get rid of you. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
Call centre girl, you are the weakest link. Goodbye. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
Does anyone else think he looks like the dad in Outnumbered? | 0:07:03 | 0:07:08 | |
That's it from me. Good night. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
Right. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:22 | |
Now, performers, it's time to find out a bit more about you for the people at home. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:27 | |
If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would those words be? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:32 | |
Humphrey? | 0:07:32 | 0:07:33 | |
Ooh. Three words. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
OK. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
Humphrey like ham. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
Jonathan? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
Not good at math. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
Justin? | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
Earth, Wind and Fire. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
Excellent. Thank you. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Let's move on to a game called Forward Rewind. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
This is for Wayne, Jonathan, Jess and Humphrey. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
Please come down to our performance area. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
You four are going to improvise a scene, | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
but when I press my rewind or forward buttons, | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
you must repeat the action you've just done, but in the opposite direction. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:18 | |
The scene is that Wayne and Jonathan are Indiana Jones and his side-kick | 0:08:18 | 0:08:23 | |
breaking in to a booby-trapped tomb. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
They'll be joined by Jess as Indie's love interest, | 0:08:25 | 0:08:29 | |
and Humphrey, you're a giant, angry zombie... | 0:08:29 | 0:08:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
..who turns up later. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:38 | |
I'll just test my buttons here. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
I've got two. This is rewind. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
Rewind. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
And this is forward. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
Forward. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:48 | |
I enjoyed it. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
Off we go. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:56 | |
-OK. Strap on the gear before we get in the jeep. -OK, Indie. | 0:08:56 | 0:09:00 | |
Let's go! | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
Rewind. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:06 | |
Let's go. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
-OK, Indie. -Forward. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
-Right. -OK, Indie. -OK what? | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
All right. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
The tomb! | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
Rewind. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
The tomb! | 0:09:29 | 0:09:30 | |
Forward. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
-Which direction are we in? -Forward. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
The tomb! | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Oh, Indie, my head hurts! | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
-You'll be OK. -I hear them coming! -They are? | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
Rewind. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:46 | |
They are? | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
-I hear them coming! -Yes. -Oh, my head hurts. -You'll be all right. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
-Forward. -You'll be all right. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
-I hear them coming! -You're right. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
Indie! It's me! | 0:09:59 | 0:10:00 | |
-Thank God you're OK! -Reverse! | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
Rewind. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
Indie, it's me! | 0:10:10 | 0:10:11 | |
Forward. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
-Thank God you're OK. -Rewind. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
-Thank God... -Forward. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
Thank God you're OK. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Grrr! | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
Run! Run! | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
Run! | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Rewind. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:38 | |
Thank God you're OK. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:47 | |
Forward. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
Thank God you're OK. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
Look! | 0:10:55 | 0:10:56 | |
No! | 0:10:56 | 0:10:57 | |
Grrrr! | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
We have to rescue him! | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
Rewind! | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
Rewind. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:19 | |
Forward. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
Rewind all the way to the beginning. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
No! No! No! | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
Thank God you're OK. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
Indie, it's me! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
-You're right! -Indie, my head hurts. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
The tomb! | 0:11:58 | 0:11:59 | |
Let's go. Put on our gear before we leave. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
OK, Indie. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
-Hey, Indie, you going to kiss a girl? -Yes! | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
Yep. I knew I'd get lucky in London! | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
Let's have a break now for a fun fact. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Performers, could you please tell me a fun fact about me, Hugh Dennis. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:34 | |
Hugh Dennis never passes up the chance to demonstrate his tap-dancing skills. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:41 | |
I'm afraid you got that one from Wikipedia! | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
Wayne. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:53 | |
That when the dark time comes, | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
and all humanity is forced to flee to the stars, | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
we will all gather inside Hugh Dennis and take off from Mars. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:03 | |
I've certainly got a very powerful arse! | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
Stage One boosters. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
-Humphrey? -Hugh Dennis was abandoned in Windsor Great Park as a child | 0:13:12 | 0:13:18 | |
and raised by swans. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
Thank you very much. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
Next, we play a game called interpretive dance. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:31 | |
Taking part are Jess and Laura. First off, | 0:13:31 | 0:13:35 | |
though, let's meet our special guest performer. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
Please welcome David Armand. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
Now, the way that this game works is that we play in a popular song. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:52 | |
We ask our specialist interpretive dancer to illustrate the lyrics through the medium of dance. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:57 | |
Jess and Laura will wear headphones. Please put them on. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:01 | |
They'll be unable to hear the music. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
They have to guess the song and the artist purely from the mime. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:09 | |
So - can you hear me? | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
Off we go! | 0:14:14 | 0:14:15 | |
MUSIC: Introduction to Love Is All Around | 0:14:16 | 0:14:20 | |
# I feel it in my fingers | 0:14:25 | 0:14:29 | |
# I feel it in my toes | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
# The love that's all around me | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
# And so the feeling grows | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
# It's written on the wind | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
# It's everywhere I go | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
# Oh, yes it is | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
# So if you really love me | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
# Come on and let it show | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
# You know I love you | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
# I always will | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
# My mind's made up by the way that I feel | 0:15:20 | 0:15:24 | |
# There's no beginning | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
# There'll be no end | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
# Upon my love | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
# You can depend | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
# I see your face before me | 0:15:50 | 0:15:54 | |
# As I lay on my bed | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
# I kinda get to thinking | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
# Of all the things you said | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
# Oh, yes I do | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
# You gave your promise to me | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
# And I gave mine to you | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
# I need someone beside me | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
# In everything I do | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
# Oh, yes I do... # | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
What was going on there? | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
Is there a song with the lyrics | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
"I've got hands and feet and a penis | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
"And at some point I get off with you"? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
It's a Beatles song, yes. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
-I think I might know it. -Come on! | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
-Is it "Love Is All Around"? -Come on! | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Thank you very much, David Armand! | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
Now it's that part of the show called What Tattoo?, | 0:17:14 | 0:17:18 | |
where I ask the performers to reveal where they would get a tattoo and what it would say. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:24 | |
Anyone? | 0:17:24 | 0:17:25 | |
I would get a tattoo on my left thigh | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
that says, "Welcome to London Zoo." | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
And a tattoo on my right side with a sign pointing saying "Welcome to the snake exhibit." | 0:17:31 | 0:17:36 | |
I see where you're coming from! | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
LAURA: Oh, dear! | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
I take it back. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:51 | |
I wish you would! | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Excellent. Thank you very much indeed. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
Next we play a game called Double Speak. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
I'll play the presenter of what appears to be a normal TV show, | 0:18:04 | 0:18:08 | |
interviewing members of the public played by our performers. So come on down, please. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:13 | |
Put on your costumes. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:14 | |
But there's a twist. Our six interviewees will be in three pairs. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:19 | |
Each pair will have to speak as one person. Sounds mad. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:24 | |
Let's hope it is. The show we're presenting is an extreme makeover show. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:29 | |
So, Laura and Jess, | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
you are a woman who's just had plastic surgery. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:34 | |
Wayne and Jonathan, you are the bitchy plastic surgeon. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:38 | |
Justin and Humphrey, you are the husband of the woman having plastic surgery. I'm the interviewer. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:45 | |
So, how did the surgery go? | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
IN UNISON: The surgery went really well. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:52 | |
I have always felt | 0:18:53 | 0:18:57 | |
I wanted two heads | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
because they are better than one. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:05 | |
So, Doctor, I don't imagine this is a normal procedure, is it? | 0:19:07 | 0:19:13 | |
Have you done this before? | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
VERY SLOWLY: I...have. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:18 | |
Three times in Sweden. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:27 | |
But you haven't always been plastic surgeons, have you? | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
I believe you used to be heart doctors. What are they called? | 0:19:32 | 0:19:38 | |
What? | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
Excellent. Now, | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
your wife has just had an extra head fitted. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
-TOGETHER: -Yes. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
-That's correct. -Why did you think that would be a good idea? | 0:19:52 | 0:20:00 | |
I thought | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
it would improve | 0:20:03 | 0:20:09 | |
our love-making. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:13 | |
True. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:20 | |
Two heads are better than one | 0:20:20 | 0:20:27 | |
and three is French. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:33 | |
Yes. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
We... | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
STRUGGLE TO FIND NEXT WORD | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
What?! | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
Yeah, I can see... | 0:20:48 | 0:20:50 | |
I can see your motivation behind it. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
I'm intrigued by the name of this particular procedure. What's it called? | 0:20:53 | 0:20:58 | |
Two heads. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
It is known as | 0:21:07 | 0:21:12 | |
duo craniosis. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:17 | |
Excellent. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:20 | |
Is there any other operation you're hoping to have cosmetically? | 0:21:23 | 0:21:28 | |
Well, | 0:21:28 | 0:21:29 | |
I'd really like | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
to ha... to get | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
rid of my extra legs. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:42 | |
Could you sort that out for them? Is that something you could do? | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
Yes. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
We could remove the legs | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
from the part | 0:21:57 | 0:22:01 | |
where the legs connect. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:06 | |
Would you as the... | 0:22:07 | 0:22:10 | |
I know you're thinking greatly of love-making. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
I imagine an extra pair of legs is really quite useful. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:17 | |
So how do you feel about them being removed? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
STRUGGLE TO SYNCHRONISE I hunger | 0:22:20 | 0:22:25 | |
for more legs! | 0:22:25 | 0:22:31 | |
Thank you very much. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
Well, I don't know about you, but I think it may be party time. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:45 | |
I'm going to play in some sick tunes | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
and our performers can get down. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:50 | |
And when the music stops, I'll ask them to say the most pretentious line they can think of. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:55 | |
So. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:56 | |
Music, please. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
For me, Parmesan isn't a hard cheese. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
It's a way of life. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
My package is so big, you never have to ship it overnight | 0:23:17 | 0:23:21 | |
because it's already there. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
Bono. Singer. Saint. | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
But is he also art? | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
I'm so pretentious, Kanye West called me and said, "Wayne, stop being so pretentious!" | 0:23:39 | 0:23:44 | |
Rien. Desole. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
Sorry, did I say that in French? | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
Yes, in my spare time, I just like to translate Will Self's works into Sanskrit. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:07 | |
Thank you! | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
Right now, we move on to a game called Sideways Scene. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:21 | |
This is for Justin, Wayne and Jonathan | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
and takes place in a special area behind the set. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:27 | |
So, Justin, Wayne and Jonathan, if you can make your way off there and get ready. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:31 | |
You three are going to improvise a scene in different genres suggested by me. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:36 | |
But the difference is you're going to do it lying down on our magic mat. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:41 | |
We'll relay the pictures to the audience on the screen. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
-Now, the scenario... -LAUGHTER | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
..is really... | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
..genuinely quite unpleasant. | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
The scenario is that Justin and Jonathan are two inept handymen | 0:25:00 | 0:25:04 | |
rewiring a house. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:06 | |
Wayne is the bad-tempered home-owner | 0:25:06 | 0:25:09 | |
who comes to fire them. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:10 | |
So, off you go. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
-Hello, Bill. -All right, Dave? How you doing? | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
-Nice to see you. -And you. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
The light we want to replace is right up there. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:20 | |
-The ladder's in the truck. Can you give me a hand? -Sure. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
-Any joy? Got it? -I've got it. Let me down. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:27 | |
Tell you what. I wanted to have a quick go. I'll go to the meter. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
-Sure. -It'll be easier if I go. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
Take your time! | 0:25:33 | 0:25:36 | |
Aghh! Ah! | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
It's just over here by the door. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:41 | |
-Right. -I think I can see what the problem is. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
Watch out. I think this fuse is a hot one. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
BUZZING | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
-I've ruined this job. -Why don't you have a look at it? -Right. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:54 | |
-BRONX ACCENT: -Hey, what are you guys doing here? | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
-Damaging my house! -Run! | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
Hey. I paid you to do a job. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
Did I pay you to break stuff, huh? | 0:26:14 | 0:26:15 | |
OK. Change genre. Change genre, please. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
Freeze. I want you now to go Western. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:29 | |
-AS CLINT EASTWOOD: -Cos my house ain't big enough for the three of us. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:38 | |
Let's draw on three. One, two, three. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:41 | |
OK. Freeze. | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
And now change over, please, to Toy Story. | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
I feel bad. I think we should let him back in. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
Yeah, he's our friend, after all. | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
Hey, Buzz. Buzz. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
Come back in. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
To infinity and beyond! | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
I'm out of gas! | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
I'll use my springs to get over there. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
Bo-i-i-ng! | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
Woof! Woof! | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
Freeze again, please. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
Change genre to gymnastic display. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
Help me up! Help me up! | 0:28:06 | 0:28:08 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
Thank you very much indeed! | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
Come on back. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:20 | |
That's all we have time for tonight. Thanks to Justin Edwards... | 0:28:28 | 0:28:32 | |
..Laura Solon... | 0:28:34 | 0:28:36 | |
Wayne Brady... | 0:28:36 | 0:28:38 | |
Jonathan Mangum... | 0:28:38 | 0:28:40 | |
..Jess Ransom... | 0:28:41 | 0:28:43 | |
Humphrey Ker. | 0:28:43 | 0:28:44 | |
Good night from me, Hugh Dennis. See you next time we play Fast and Loose. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:50 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:29:05 | 0:29:08 |