Comedian Frank Skinner hosts a topical comedy series. Frank is joined in Norwich by Russell Howard to unpick the week's most talked-about news stories.
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Welcome to Frank Skinner Opinionnated tonight from Norwich.
It's been a strange old week. Jeremy Clarkson on The One Show and
in various newspapers has said to the -- said that the public service
workers that went on strike should be executed in front of their
families. To be fair to Clarkson has an enormous face. So the
journey from his brain to his mouth is always likely to be harassous.
When the BBC received 3 1,000 complaints before Clarkson was
having on the other size of his face. Apparently he could not hear
it. Sales of his DVD's increased 4hun47 -- 400%. I assume he's
referring to the fact that March might and Clarkson look like Shit.
A 26-year-old woman and her mother were driving down a road in Essex
when somebody dropped a block of granite on the car. If it had hit
the mum I think she would have been This programme contains strong
language. Giant pandas are one of the world's
most endangered species, and partly because the world wildlife does not
have a it's according to the Chinese a breeding nightmare. That
should hot my DVD sales! A lot of research has been done into why
pandas only have sex once a year. The most likely explanation is they
are married. Don't clap mate, you'll get it when you get home! It
looks like 32-year-old TV presenter Caroline Flack is dating 17-year-
old boy band. She has been receiving hate mail. I find it's
not so bad if it's on kitty writing paper. They look good now but
they're only going in one direction now. Welcome my guests, Russell
Both Skinner Virgins. We begin this by going to the audience and asking
them about a news story. Anything from the news? What about that
chap? What do you think about the French and the German governments'
idea of having a joint taxation across Europe. I want to try with
this one. My first instinct is shut up. A joint taxation... Would that
include, us, mate? They say originally the euro and eventually
Europe. Can I ask has everybody got these types of questions. This is
the first time we have ever had a question this hard! This isn't a
chat this is a test? As soon as you said the word "euro", everybody's
eyes went... Like at the beginning of the news, when everybody goes no,
no, Ever been to a euro disco. you go to a disco in Europe, people
dance like this. I don't! experience was the best. I don't
remember why I was... One of those nights. Somewhere like Belgium and
Belarus. It was brilliant. Everybody is having a fantastic
time. Loads of old guys and young girls and me. Sound like a bonga
party. I was having a fantastic time until somebody said she's a
prostitute, and she's... And I was the only girl who wasn't a
prostitute. Jiek a hooker Sparticus! I'm loving it. I think
The man in the back in a blue shirt. Your opinion on the discovery of a
new planet very similar to our own in atmosphere and temperature and
should we pack up and move over. you know about it? They have
discovered a Earth two. If there was people in it that would have
been in the papers. This is not a story you would not have heard of.
How come... A paent of -- planet full of people has been discovered,
page seven of the Sun. I would -- I would like to start off with local
news. I don't know if you're aware, they're thinking of opening a
topless barber shop in Norwich. Applause from the man in the back!
What do you think as a lady? As a lady number one you're not going to
see the boobs, because they'll be behind you. Mirror. They will be
behind you. Nobody is going to want a big fat woman cutting the hair
with the boobs on either shoulder. I went to a topless bar when I was
17 in Birmingham. It was one of the least sexy experiences of my life.
The women had red tee shirts on, and they cut holes in the tee
shirts, and they pulled their breasts out. They were roughly
forced out like they were making bread! As a 17-year-old when
everything is sexy I thought this is appalling. They sound like
broken sausages. At the time there was a tie on the market -- toy on
the market called the play bough fun factory. That's what it looked
like. They can't be professionals. Some men are married and they go to
strip clubs. At least you can go get away with it. You'll go to
somewhere with a topless air dressers, and they cut your hair,
and your hair will look like shit. And any bloke who has his haircut
anywhere, his wife will say where did you have it cut? Like a semi!
Would you go? It would be too awkward. Awkward enough talking to
hairdressers, let alone if they are half naked. Naples, nipples. I went
to Korea ya, You could go for a haircut and the man would ask if
you wanted something special. I didn't do this. I spoke to someone.
A lady comes in, in a rubber glove, and will give you relief with that
hand. This is a hairdresser. Really, really? I'm not making it up. The
guy said it was pretty good. My horror when you have completed,
does she hold a mirror, and you go, lovely, fabulous. That's great. Is
there anyone here who would go. That fellow in front of the camera
there. You would go. Yeah. Why? the boobs. I think that probably
makes sense. But you go to a lapdancing club. A bit more
expensive! A credit crunch pervert. I never have my hair washed when I
go to the hairdressers. That's a treat. They do the massage. They
have the minty shampoo. When you lean back, if that was me I would
not be able to resist the karate chop. Once they lay back, once you
start thinking they will chop your throat you can't relax. What about
you? Are a man for a �100 haircut? No, clearly not. My mum used to cut
my hair for years as a child. have a picture of the haircut your
mum did. APPLAUSE.
You get a feel for the woman's handiwork there. Was she a fan of
the new a vepbgers. Did she use a bowl. Yeah. Really. It wasn't very
level. A broken bowl. We have another. This was a stage you went
through. The curtains. I love those. Do you? Yeah. Did you ever draw
them. When you went to bed at night did you pull them across.
That's awful. I look like a fool. I look like a fat farmer. Can you
never say that in Norwich again. look like I'm bragging about my
crop. I don't know what we have in the way of fabulous hairdos. Your
hair which looks great and modern, that's what I would call a side
ways fringe. Yeah. It defies gravity. Is it heavy gelg. After
I've had a wash I dry it and it goes across. It stays like that? Ye.
Are you a Biba fan. No! Is that your mum with you? Sorry I thought
you might be from One Direction. There's nothing wrong with being a
Bieber fan. He really looks like him. Please stop the conversation.
It's on telly now. I would be happy. Fairly unlikely. I mean there's the
furore about Justin Bieber's hair. the other planet earth. I have two
daughters, and they hate him. likes him. He has -- he had his
hair like that. He flicked it. And he looks like a woman. That was the
when she said I'm not a fan any more. We have a picture of him.
Whether he had the same haircut as that bloke. It looks like something
has been photo shopped out of that photo. The fear in the eyes. This
is the new Bieber. It's a big moment when you change. That day
when you think I'll change my hair style. I think it's particularly
from fringe to flick. That sounds like a reality show. In which
someone leaves alternative theatre to join the cast of skal ello Ello.
I would like to show you an advert and I like to know what you and the
audience think about this. Dad, it's time. Would you be a really
nice catch for somebody. Just for Men takes five easy minutes,
targets only the great hair and can start something good. For my girls.
Just for Men. They are pimping their dad out. I like their fact
men who dye their hair are happy to leave their children at home
unattended. Those adverts I think they're a waste of time. I
genuinely believe he looked better because he did the fake dye thing.
Really? I think they call it salt and pepper hair. It's so sexy. John
Schofield a perfect example. He tried to fight the grey. And he did
it. I -- Philip Schofield, he tried to fight the grey, and looks
gorgeous. Women always dye their hair. I have a theory about women
with grey hair. Women with short grey hair, probably ex-dancer and
keen interest in the hearts. Women with long grey hair, 1 cats and a
history of mental illness. By 2031, 11 million people in this country
will be living on their own. I was single, and -- for a while, living
alone. One night I watched a science fiction movie with just my
socks on, eating beans out of a tin. I thought if I carry on like this,
will be unable to live with anybody. Sounds like a charity advert. Just
�5 a month b will buy Frank some trousers and a plate. Everyone
should experience being on their own. You should be able to
experience yourself. Whoever you marry, should be happy with you
sitting in your socks eating beans. It's not right eating beans with
just socks. That's about freedom. If you live with someone you have
to modify yourself to fit them. That's such bollocks. I haven't got
a boyfriend. But I've got two kids. They're always at home. Tonight
they are with the baby setter. And they will not be at my house, I
love these moments alone, you can do mad things. Like what? Walking
around my house naked. What! That's so much fun. I hope that was
clapping. Some people, how many people here hate being single.
can't stand being single. More the loneliness thing. I have a lot of
friends with partners, and they are all happy, arms linked, and you
think what am I doing wrong. Can we have a spotlight on this me. Are
God for that! Can I say going to the -- going to the topless
hairdressers doesn't count as being in a relationship. The one person
brave enough to say it, most people feel like that. People think they
are single, and I have to find someone quickly. I wonder if they
don't give the single life thing a chance. All my friends have
partners. At this time of the year, when it's cold. When it's cold.
What kind of relationship? Climate! Winter is the time. Anyone I've met
I've met them in the winter. You do, you want to walk in the snow, but
you want to do the cuddling things. You noticed there are very, very
large pieces of equipment on the ceiling of this studio. Slightly
frightening. Luckily... Always learning. I think I'm going to get
changed into something more comfortable. What do you think?
It's what they call a onesie. It's all in one piece. And designed for
basically every one of of those cosy nights in. I've got one.
the same pattern. Hideous, but the best item of clothing I own. It
actually has a hole in it. APPLAUSE.
No my friend told me about it. cujless onesie. My friend told me
about it. I always said I would love a baby grow as an adult. And
she told me about it. She got me one. They are really popular now.
What I want to talk about apparently four out of ten people
occasionally -- spend a day in their pyjamas. They don't go out of
the house, they stay in their PJ's. Every weekend for me, if I'm not
working, not joking. I love being at home. If friends want to
socialise I say come to me. 69% of the United Kingdom say they go out
less than they used to. You should not be in watching telly. You don't
have to watch telly. We have a clip here from the 70's of a guy who
decides he is going to stay up all night. This is how he decides to
fill his time. I don't go to -- when I don't to go to school,
during the day I sleep, it's at night I'm awake and find things to
do, like shooting mice. Mice seems to congregate around the washing
machine. I kill one, and I wait for another one to come. It gets boring
sometimes. I start drilling holes in summit. My God! That's brilliant.
Staying in, anyone with an air rifle. When I'm bored I drill holes.
Such a crap night. There's loads of things to do. What do you do?
play games. What kind of games. Like wi, PlayStation. I should
mention all... So they all send you one. If anyone is watching from any
of the big play centre things... Play centre! Hold on, isn't play
centre what comes out of a pregnant lady? I would rather you did not
send me a placenta. I'm anti asking for free stuff on the telly. If you
send me stuff, I'll smash it up with a hammer. Jimmy Carr told me a
story, someone asked, what would you like, he said a hot tub. They -
- he got one spent the -- sent the next day. I got in a hot tub once
and I got have midya. Your whole attitude has changed since you've
been in there. It's very chilling. You can't get around the chilling
element of a onesie. Apparently Adolf Hitler had one, according to
the song. I tell you what Mark Wright he was recently in the
jungle. He said him and his mate will often have a night in where
they sleep together and watch a film together in bed and sit up and
talk all night. Any blokes have a sleep over with anate. -- mate. I
do that with my best friend. Ross. How does that work? It's quite good.
I don't do it all the time. Don't make a habit of it. I'm not
condemning it. Once a month we sit up and watch a good old film and
sometimes we cry. We watch sad films and talk about life. And you
sleep together. We sleep in the same -- same room, obviously not in
the... I think Mark wriet --, Where irght sleeps with someone. What is
wrong with sleeping in the same bed. He's quite hairy. You hand soley --
solo. I've never even thought about it. I've never thought of saying to
a mate, saying let's -- stay over. It doesn't happen like that. It's
like do you want to come over for a curry, and see a film... And you
wake up the next morning. It sounds like spike in your drink. Michael
Fish when he quit TV weather he could not give up the weather. He
love the weather so much, he does a online weather report from his own
home. Welcome to another look at for a big change. If you look at
the surface pressure pattern, we have low pressure after low
pressure. It will become a vicious storm. If you look at the shopping
forecast. There are hurricane force... That's what this show will
be in 20 years time. Sitting on the toilet. That was a rubbish
impression of me by me! I'm going to end. Because I can't, I'm too
Comedian Frank Skinner hosts a topical comedy series. Each week Frank is joined by fellow comedians and a studio audience to unpick the week's most talked-about news stories. Frank is joined in Norwich by Russell Howard.