Episode 3 Gavin & Stacey


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Episode 3

Pam and Mick are having second thoughts about the conservatory, whilst Bryn is in his element as he awaits the arrival of his houseguests - all the Essex boys.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

We have to have sex twice a day. It's the only way I'll get pregnant.

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-Right, take care of my little boy now.

-Course I will - his dad's my best mate.

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Oh, come here, you two. I've missed you!

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Oh, nice to see you!

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-THEY CHANT:

-Gav! Gav! Gav!

-Go on, Gavin! Go on, Gavin!

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Let's do some shots!

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Shots! CHEERING

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You all right?

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Mornin'.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hiya.

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Gav, where have you been? I've been trying you for ages.

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Sorry, I had a meeting with Owain about...

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Actually, I've got no idea what it was about.

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Hang on a sec. I'm just getting on the bus. Hiya.

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-You're going in early.

-I know. Marco rang.

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He wants me to open up. He's goin' the dentist.

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I'm quite excited, I am. It's my first time opening up on my own.

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Anyway, shut up a minute.

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-'I've got something to tell you.'

-What?

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I think I might be pregnant.

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Oh, my God. Seriously?

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Yeah, cos when I woke up this morning,

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I felt really sick and I've got sore boobs.

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-So, what does that...?

-They're all signs, Gav.

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-They're things that happen.

-But have you done a test?

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No, I want to do it with you. I want you to be there.

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-Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

-I know.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Hang on a minute.

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Might have to take this.

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Gavin Shipman?

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Nessa's just text me. I've just had a text from Nessa.

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She's text me. She's just sent a text. Nessa's just text me.

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Can I call you back. I'm on the phone to Stacey.

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-Did you not hear what I just said?

-Yeah, Nessa sent you a text.

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I don't really see what the problem is.

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There's been no contact, nothing.

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This is the first contact. She never texts.

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There's been no contact since...

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that.

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'So, what do I do?'

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But surely you talk to her about the baby, Neil.

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No. I've been talking to Bryn and Gwen when they've got the baby.

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I spoke to Dave twice. That was a barrel of laughs.

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Right. Just calm down. Where are you?

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Outside your old man's house, aren't I?

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Having a look at this extension with Deano.

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Hang on a minute. Babe?

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-What's going on?

-'It's Smithy.'

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-He's had a text from Nessa.

-Oh, my God. Serious?

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Nessa never texts.

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-I didn't know she could write.

-Right. Did you just tell Stacey?

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-Yes.

-Are you a dick?

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Gav, Nessa's on the other line. I'll call you back.

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OK, just don't tell her that...

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Oh, God.

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-Ness?

-All right, Stace?

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I got you on the Bluetooth. Power walking, I am.

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Just tryin' to shift a few pounds for the weddin', like.

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-Ness, did you text Smithy?

-Yeah, I did, as it goes.

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Why?

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Well, I've not spoken to him since Essex.

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I know he's comin' down this weekend, like, with the boys.

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I just don't want it to be awkward.

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I'm meant to come down with the boys this weekend.

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All she's done is make things awkward.

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-Why? What did she say?

-I'll tell you what she said.

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I've got it here. Ha! You won't believe this.

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"Hope you're OK."

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Well, what's wrong with that?!

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What does that mean?

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That could mean so many things. What's she trying to say?

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I just meant, "I hope things are OK." That's all.

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What - since you had sex?

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I told you, Stacey - I can't be sure if we did.

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It was your choice to sleep with her. You could have said no.

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I don't know if I slept with her, do I?

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I mean, I know we fell asleep together.

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I mean, I know we opened the oven door,

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but whether we actually baked the potatoes, I don't know.

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What were you wearing when you woke? That's usually a clue.

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He was completely naked. I was in my Aston Villa strip.

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-Aston Villa?

-Yeah, I know.

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Aston Villa?

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Look, Stace, I gotta go.

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I've reached a steep incline.

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Your dad's calling me on the other line. Ring me on your lunch, OK?

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You are still coming down?

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-I dunno.

-'Oh, please.'

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Bryn's really excited. We all are.

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-Well, I'm really excited, Gwen.

-We all are.

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I know.

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But this is the first time Gavin's friends are gonna get to see

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what I call "My Barry".

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I'm gonna take 'em down the front.

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We're gonna get some doughnuts, some candy floss.

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Bryn, I don't think they'll have time.

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They'll probably just want to go straight out in Cardiff.

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Oh, Cardiff, Schmardiff.

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What is this obsession with Cardiff and the young people?

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I mean, what has Cardiff got that Barry hasn't?

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I just think there's a bit more going on, Bryn.

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Oh. Well you say that. But come and have a look at what I've done.

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Wowee!

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I know.

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Beers. That's some football players.

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Trevor's old Subbuteo, God rest his soul.

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Oh, yes!

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I just wanted them to feel at home,

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so they didn't have to go out if they didn't want to.

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And look at this. I probably shouldn't show you this.

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It's just me being silly. Don't read anything into it.

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Other than... LAUGHING

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It's just something for them.

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To look at.

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So, how many have you got altogether now?

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Right. I've got...

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Tonight, Matthew, staying in my house,

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Fingers, Dirtbox, Dean, Budgie, Swede, Gary - not Simon...

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Chinese Alan.

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And if Smithy doesn't want the sofa at yours,

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he's more than welcome to top and tail with me.

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He's got the option.

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Oh, I feel bad, you having them all in here.

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Won't it be too much for you?

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No, but I like it, Gwen.

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I like being one of the boys, one of the gang.

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-Part of the crew.

-Doris has offered as well.

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-She's got the room.

-I bet she has.

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No, I'm sorry.

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I know what Doris wants and I know what she's after.

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She's not getting her hands on my boys.

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Smithy, you just put one out. You're chainin' it.

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I know. I always do.

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It helps me, you know... be creative. Don't it, Deano?

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Yeah, yeah, it does.

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And you're sure you just want a conservatory?

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Look, we've been through this.

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I know, but hear me out, right?

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So, say you're already brickin' it to here, right?

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-Why not go the whole hog?

-The full Monty.

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Brick it to here.

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Windows.

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And then, instead of a glass roof, which gets dirty

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with watermarks and leaves and...

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Cats.

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Right? Have three - one, two, three -

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skylights.

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-It'd add value.

-You'd need planning permission.

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No! I ain't had planning permission for any of my extensions.

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I did nine last year.

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Look, I want a conservatory.

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I want somewhere for me, where I can get away from it all -

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all the stresses and pressures of modern life.

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That's it.

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-Pamela...

-Finito.

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In memoriam. The end. Now, who wants a cup of tea?

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Yeah, I'll have a quick one before I go back.

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Go on, then. Milk and five sugars.

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Dean?

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Dean?

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Dea-ean?

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-Deano.

-Yep?

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Do you want a tea or a coffee?

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Uh, yeah, can I have half and half, please?

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-Sorry?

-Like...

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can I have tea in the bottom half of the mug

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and then coffee in the top half of the mug, please?

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Oh, right.

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Yeah, I started drinking it about 18 months ago.

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I call it a "toffee" or a "c-ea".

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But you can't ask for that in a cafe,

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cos they just bring you a toffee...

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or a key.

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-Is it nice?

-I've no idea, Mick. I like it.

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Can I just say to you, as I do to everyone,

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Deano will never be working here on his own?

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I will always be here to monitor him.

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STACEY: Thanks a lot.

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-So, how far gone are you?

-Hardly anything, I think.

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-A week, ten days.

-Have you done a test?

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No, I'm gonna wait for Gav.

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I can't believe I'm gonna be a mum.

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Yeah, well, don't get too excited, Stace.

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It's not all it's cracked up to be.

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I mean, don't get me wrong. I loves Neil the Baby.

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He's a good bloke. I wouldn't be without him for the world.

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But at the end of the day, he's needy. He's always after something.

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Stace, I need your help.

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-Hiya, Ness.

-All right, Bryn? You comin' in?

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I won't. Not today. I've got too much on.

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-How come?

-Breakfast cereals.

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The list is endless. I don't know what to get for the boys.

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I mean, in my day, it was simple.

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Weetabix or Corn Flakes. You knew where you stood.

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But now, I'm looking at a Weeto, a Cheerio,

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a Coco Pop, a Frosted Shreddie, an Oatso Simple,

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a Gillian McKeith Organic Amaranth Cereal Flake.

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And would someone please tell me what on earth is a Choco Rock?

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Oh, they're lush, they are.

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They're like chocolate and bits of rocks.

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Why don't you do 'em a fry-up?

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Well, I'm doing a fry-up. Of course I am.

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But this is the continental option.

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Oh, Bryn, don't raise your voice at me, all right?

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Sorry, Stace.

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I was just gonna say, why don't you get a variety pack?

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Well, I thought about that. I really did.

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But answer me this - who's gonna eat the Ricicles?

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-Good point.

-Fair play.

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-NEIL CRIES

-Right.

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I gotta get off. Dave's going Stonehenge.

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Party of 12 - pensioners.

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Who's havin' Neil, then, the baby, if we're goin' out?

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-Who do you think?

-Gwen.

-Mum.

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Have you asked her yet?

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No. I'm just gonna drop him round. What's she gonna do?

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SHOP BELL RINGS

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-Hiya. Sorry I'm late.

-Hiya.

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Babe, there's so many - Clearblue, First Response,

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Answer One, Answer Two, True For You.

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-Let's just get the lot of them.

-They're like a tenner each.

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We only need one, don't we? Let's ask the woman.

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-No!

-Why?

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I know her. Natalie Lewis. She's a right bitch.

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Nessa once had a fight with her dad and her brother.

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All right, Stace?

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All right, Nat?

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How's Ness?

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Fine.

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-How's your dad? Your brother?

-Dad's all right.

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Wayne's still on crutches.

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Right, so, shall we...?

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Hang on, Gav.

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SHOP BELL RINGS

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Excuse me, love. Where to's the fake tans?

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I'll show you now.

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Oh, God, I hate her.

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Come on. I'm not buying a test from her.

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-She don't work on commission.

-I don't care. Let's go Superdrug.

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PHONE BEEPS Who's that?

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It's Smithy. They've arrived.

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HORN HONKS

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ALL SHOUT

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Yeah, that is lovely. Yeah. Where's your bags?

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I dunno. Where's your sheep, you dirty Welsh slag?

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-No, you slag!

-No, you slag!

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ALL: You slag! You slag!

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-Hiya!

-You are a slag!

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All right, Gwen?

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Um... You know everyone from the wedding.

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-I think so. Hello again.

-She hasn't met Deano.

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Hello, Deano. Welcome to Barry.

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S'mae? Deano ydw i a dw i'n hapus iawn bod yma yn y Barri.

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Sorry, but I don't s...

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Gwen, wait a minute. What you doin'?

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I've been learning Welsh.

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I did an intensive course, cos I knew we were coming down.

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I wanted to understand what everyone was saying.

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-SCOFFING

-You twat.

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-What?

-No-one speaks Welsh.

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-No, that's not strictly...

-Gwen,

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don't make it more complicated for him than it already is, OK?

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Listen, Deano? Hey?

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No-one here, or where we're going tonight,

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none of them speak Welsh.

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-But what about the signs?

-I know. You just gotta ignore it.

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-I don't understand.

-Deano, seriously, just forget it.

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Right, if I don't understand it, then you...you definitely won't.

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-All right?

-DOOR OPENS

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-Fee, fi, fo, fum!

-ALL: HEY!

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I smell the blood of several Englishmen.

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Jokin', I am. I'm not a giant. Chinese!

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-All right, Bryn. How are you?

-Swede!

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All right, Bryn.

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Yeah, all right.

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Easy, Bryn.

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Oh...!

0:12:170:12:20

BRYN MOANS

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-Budgie.

-Hey.

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-Now, you must be Dean.

-Deano.

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-Is it your first time to Wales?

-Yeah.

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-Croeso i Gymru.

-Bryn, don't. Pack it in.

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Right. Should we show you where you're staying?

0:12:330:12:35

Right, Fingers, Dirtbox, Deano,

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Budgie, Swede, Gary - not Simon.

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No need to explain there. Chinese, Alan...

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-Oh! Chinese Alan.

-HE LAUGHS

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Step forward into my new bachelor paradise.

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ALL: Hey, hey, hey!

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-All right. See you later.

-See you in a bit.

0:12:560:12:58

Right, listen.

0:13:000:13:01

I need your help this weekend, OK? This is seriously awkward.

0:13:010:13:04

-What?

-This.

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Her - Nessa. All this...texting business.

0:13:050:13:08

I keep readin' it and rereading it.

0:13:080:13:10

Smithy, all she said was, "Hope you're OK."

0:13:100:13:12

Exactly. "Hope."

0:13:120:13:13

"Hope you're OK." She's saying there's hope.

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I've given her hope - false hope.

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I think she was just checking...

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Don't leave me on my own with her this weekend. Not at all, not ever.

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All right?

0:13:210:13:22

Honestly, I think you're reading too much into this.

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Her and Dave are all right. They've set a wedding date.

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Have they?

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Yeah, June 13th or something.

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CAR HORN HONKS

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Sorry.

0:13:310:13:33

Can I do you something before you go out?

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We'll probably eat later, so I'm all right, thanks.

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Me too. I'm not hungry. I'll just have a couple of omelettes.

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Cheese? Mushroom? Ham? Tomato?

0:13:460:13:49

Yeah. Cheers.

0:13:490:13:51

-STACEY: Gav?

-Yeah?

0:13:510:13:52

Will you come here a minute?

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Will you go back and get one now - a test?

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-Babe, it's a bit awkward now, innit?

-Oh, why? I'm really excited.

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I know. Me too. But Smithy's here, the boys are over the road.

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I can't just leave 'em. Why can't YOU go?

0:14:060:14:07

I've gotta get ready. I haven't done my hair or nothin'.

0:14:070:14:10

-Why don't we wait till tomorrow?

-But I just want to know.

0:14:100:14:13

So do I. But tomorrow, everyone will have gone.

0:14:130:14:15

We can do it properly, take our time.

0:14:150:14:16

-On our own?

-Yeah.

0:14:160:14:19

All right, then.

0:14:190:14:21

Can you believe it, Gav?

0:14:210:14:23

There might be a little baby in there.

0:14:230:14:24

I know. It's amazing.

0:14:240:14:27

-NESSA:

-All right, Gwen? How's it going?

0:14:310:14:33

-GWEN:

-Hello, Ness. Hello, lovely.

0:14:330:14:35

All right, Gav?

0:14:350:14:37

All right, Nessa? Hiya, Neil.

0:14:370:14:39

Where to's Smithy?

0:14:390:14:40

He's, um...

0:14:400:14:42

He's...

0:14:440:14:46

Well, he's under the table, actually.

0:14:460:14:48

All right, Smithy? What's occurrin'?

0:14:510:14:53

All right?

0:15:010:15:02

NEIL GIGGLES

0:15:020:15:03

Hello!

0:15:030:15:05

Lovely boy! How are you?

0:15:050:15:08

Ah!

0:15:080:15:09

Oh, I've missed you!

0:15:090:15:11

Mmm! Mwah!

0:15:110:15:14

Actually, I might take him over Bryn's, see the boys.

0:15:180:15:20

-Gav, you want to come?

-Yeah, OK.

0:15:200:15:22

Forget those omelettes. We're going to Bryn's, see the boys.

0:15:220:15:25

Oh, that's a shame. They're done now.

0:15:250:15:27

No worries. I'll take 'em off your hands.

0:15:270:15:29

Will you? All right, love.

0:15:290:15:30

Stace?

0:15:320:15:33

-Nessa's here.

-OK.

0:15:330:15:35

Oh, Gwen?

0:15:350:15:37

What are you doing tonight?

0:15:370:15:39

Well, I've got a few options.

0:15:390:15:40

Elaine wants to go to the pictures,

0:15:400:15:41

but Janet fancies the bingo, so I'm not really sure.

0:15:410:15:43

You may have to take a rain check on all them.

0:15:430:15:45

I need you to mind Neil for me, the baby.

0:15:450:15:47

--

-Oh. Really?

--

-Afraid so.

0:15:470:15:49

--

-Is there nobody...?

--

-No.

0:15:490:15:51

I'd better ring the girls, then.

0:15:520:15:54

I would.

0:15:540:15:55

-MAN: Shot!

-That's 2-1.

0:15:580:16:00

Here we go. Mini burgers.

0:16:000:16:02

-BUDGIE:

-Oh, Bryn, this is amazing.

0:16:020:16:04

he mini hot dogs will be ready soon. Have as many as you like.

0:16:040:16:07

Not very filling, but I just think they're more fun when they're mini.

0:16:070:16:10

-How are we all doing down here?

-Absolutely terrific, Bryn.

0:16:100:16:13

DOORBELL RINGS Who could that be?

0:16:130:16:14

Swede, would you, uh, get the door, please?

0:16:140:16:16

I honestly think this is the best day of my life...

0:16:160:16:20

so far.

0:16:200:16:21

Oh, Dean, that means the world to me.

0:16:210:16:23

There are some mags over there - Loaded, FHM, Zoo, what have you.

0:16:230:16:27

Hey, hey! Bryn Diesel!

0:16:270:16:29

Bloody hell. What's going on here?

0:16:290:16:30

I know. It's exactly the effect I wanted and more.

0:16:300:16:34

I feel like Fagin, and you, Gav, are my Oliver Twist,

0:16:340:16:39

standing next to the Artful Dodger.

0:16:390:16:41

Mate, let's have a hold.

0:16:410:16:44

Hey, you want to go to your Uncle Dirtbox?

0:16:440:16:46

Oh, he's incredible! Oh, he's so cute!

0:16:460:16:49

And there's your Uncle Budgie. Budge, do you want a hold?

0:16:490:16:51

Uh, no, I'm good, thanks. I'm playing this.

0:16:510:16:53

I really like him, you know?

0:16:530:16:56

Yeah, I want one.

0:16:560:16:59

-Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

-Yeah.

0:16:590:17:01

-Deano, do you want to hold Neil?

-Here you are, mate.

0:17:010:17:03

-What?

-Babies freak me out a bit.

0:17:060:17:09

-Why?

-I dunno. It's just...

0:17:090:17:11

He looks like Smithy but smaller.

0:17:110:17:15

Like a mini version.

0:17:150:17:17

Talking of which, who'd like a mini hot dog?

0:17:170:17:19

-I'd Love one.

-No, thanks.

0:17:190:17:20

Right. What's going on tonight? What's the plan?

0:17:200:17:23

-What's happening?

-This guy in work, Owain...

0:17:230:17:25

-Owain Hughes?

-Yeah.

0:17:250:17:27

Before you ask, no, he doesn't. LAUGHING

0:17:270:17:31

Right. Seriously...

0:17:350:17:37

what is going on?

0:17:370:17:38

OK, so, Owain said best to start off in Ten Feet Tall, but Stacey and...

0:17:380:17:42

Which is irrelevant, cos this is a boys' night.

0:17:420:17:43

Yeah, so I thought we'd go to Buffalo to start

0:17:430:17:46

and Tiger Tiger, maybe.

0:17:460:17:47

Are there ladies there? Is that where the ladies are at?

0:17:470:17:50

Fingers, that's the beauty of Cardiff.

0:17:500:17:52

There's girls everywhere.

0:17:520:17:54

I say we go Walkabout, Tiger Tiger, Vodka Revolution.

0:17:540:17:57

It's exactly like being in Essex. That's why it's so brilliant.

0:17:570:18:00

Bryn, where's good to go in Cardiff?

0:18:000:18:02

Oh, now, there's the question.

0:18:020:18:04

Um...

0:18:040:18:05

I've not been out in Cardiff since...

0:18:050:18:08

1978.

0:18:080:18:10

I went with Dick - Dick Powell - and my brother, God rest his soul.

0:18:100:18:13

We went to a place called Bumpers in the Castle Arcade.

0:18:130:18:17

It's closed down now, Bumpers.

0:18:170:18:18

No, it's not for me, the night-life.

0:18:180:18:21

You should come out with us, Bryn. It'd be a laugh.

0:18:210:18:23

Gosh, no, that's not my scene, Budgie.

0:18:230:18:25

I'd much rather wait in for you young men to come home,

0:18:250:18:29

all boozed up and disorientated,

0:18:290:18:32

not knowing what's what or who's who.

0:18:320:18:34

-DIRTBOX:

-Oh, come on! Come out!

-ALL SHOUT

0:18:340:18:37

LAUGHING

0:18:370:18:40

ALL CONTINUE SHOUTING Boys! Boys!

0:18:400:18:42

There's no way you're getting me out in Cardiff tonight.

0:18:420:18:45

Well, I never thought you'd get me out in Cardiff tonight.

0:18:450:18:48

-BUDGIE:

-Right, who wants a drink? Pint?

0:18:480:18:51

Pint? Pint.

0:18:510:18:52

-Me.

-Pint.

0:18:520:18:54

-I'll have a pint.

-Pint.

0:18:540:18:55

Pint. Pint.

0:18:550:18:56

-Bryn?

-I'll have a pint, please, Budge.

0:18:560:18:59

Are you sure, Bryn? I thought you liked a Cinzano.

0:18:590:19:01

Put a sock in it, Gav. I'm out with the boys. I'm having a pint!

0:19:010:19:05

Get over yourself!

0:19:050:19:07

ALL LAUGH

0:19:070:19:09

Nice one, Bryn.

0:19:090:19:11

STACEY LAUGHS

0:19:130:19:15

-All right, Nev?

-All right, Ness.

0:19:160:19:19

-Kev.

-All right.

0:19:210:19:23

-Who's the new boy?

-That's Dev.

0:19:230:19:24

-All right, Dev?

-All right.

0:19:240:19:26

-Stace, Lou, Anje...Nev, Kev, Dev.

-GIRLS: All right.

0:19:260:19:30

-All right.

-How's it goin' tonight?

0:19:300:19:32

-Yeah, good.

-Any trouble?

0:19:320:19:34

Nah, it's early doors. You in for the duration?

0:19:340:19:37

Ah, we'll be here for a bit. Any nonsense, give me a shout.

0:19:370:19:40

Will do. Cheers, Ness.

0:19:400:19:42

-Just the four of you, then, is it?

-Yeah.

0:19:420:19:44

Go on, then. In you go.

0:19:440:19:46

Tidy.

0:19:460:19:48

Four Cokes, please.

0:19:560:19:58

Do you miss being on the doors, Ness?

0:19:580:20:00

Yeah, bouncing, like.

0:20:000:20:01

Sometimes.

0:20:010:20:03

I miss the camaraderie, but I don't miss the rage.

0:20:030:20:05

I don't miss getting home

0:20:050:20:06

and soaking my knuckles in a bucket of ice.

0:20:060:20:09

That's no way to live.

0:20:090:20:10

Not for an attractive woman.

0:20:100:20:13

Oh, not for me, thanks.

0:20:170:20:19

-How comes you're not drinking?

-I can't really say.

0:20:190:20:21

-She thinks she may be up the duff.

-Nessa!

0:20:210:20:23

BOTH: Oh, my God!

0:20:230:20:25

-What?

-I weren't gonna say nothin'.

0:20:250:20:27

Oh, come on, Stace. We both know, once you get a drink inside you...

0:20:270:20:30

That's the point. I'm not gonna have a drink inside me. I'm not drinking!

0:20:300:20:33

Fair point.

0:20:330:20:35

You've got a point.

0:20:350:20:37

She's not up the duff.

0:20:380:20:40

I was lying.

0:20:410:20:42

Sorry.

0:20:440:20:46

MUSIC: "Remedy" by Little Boots

0:20:470:20:50

# Spin me faster like a kaleidoscope

0:20:520:20:55

# All I've got's the floor

0:20:550:20:58

# Yeah, you can try

0:20:580:21:00

# But I've found the antidote Music is the cure... #

0:21:000:21:06

Do you like this kind of music?

0:21:060:21:08

I can't hear a word you're saying.

0:21:080:21:11

What music do you like?

0:21:110:21:13

Yes!

0:21:130:21:14

# ..Poison killing my emotion

0:21:140:21:17

# I will not be frozen

0:21:170:21:19

# Dancing is my remedy, remedy... #

0:21:190:21:22

Slow down, Smithy, mate.

0:21:250:21:26

-What? Why?

-There's Owain.

0:21:260:21:29

-Owain?

-Gav! How's it goin'?

0:21:290:21:32

-Yes. All right?

-All right, mate. How you doin'?

0:21:320:21:35

Nice to meet you.

0:21:350:21:36

Hey! Owain! Owain Hughes!

0:21:360:21:40

Do you want a glass of white Owain or red Owain...Hughes?

0:21:400:21:43

You must be Smithy. Nice to meet you.

0:21:430:21:46

Come here, you little prick!

0:21:460:21:48

Sorry, mate. He's had a few.

0:21:480:21:49

Hey, do you know what your favourite TV programme is?

0:21:490:21:54

-Last of the Summer Owain...Hughes.

-PHONE RINGS

0:21:540:21:57

SMITHY LAUGHS

0:21:570:21:59

Keep an eye on him a minute. It's Stacey.

0:21:590:22:01

-'Stace!'

-Where are you?

0:22:010:22:02

-Oceana.

-Is Louise there? We lost her.

0:22:020:22:05

BOTH: She couldn't get into Revs. STACEY: That girl still works there.

0:22:050:22:08

-She's talking to Deano.

-'OK, I'm comin' over, all right?'

0:22:080:22:11

Yeah, brilliant.

0:22:110:22:12

-And I've got a surprise for you.

-What? What surprise?

0:22:120:22:15

You'll have to wait.

0:22:150:22:17

-DEANO:

-Reit,

0:22:170:22:18

a ble ydych chi'n mynd ar eich gwyliau eleni, te?

0:22:180:22:22

Oh, my God! You're so lush, you are.

0:22:220:22:25

Yn Gymraeg, os gwelwch yn dda!

0:22:250:22:27

O, ti mor lysh, ti'n gwybod! Mor, mor lysh...

0:22:270:22:31

Deano's talking Welsh to Stacey's mate,

0:22:310:22:33

and she's speaking it back to him. She's all over him.

0:22:330:22:35

It's a beautiful language, Gav.

0:22:350:22:37

And you, Owain Hughes, are a beautiful man.

0:22:370:22:40

I like you. I like you a lot.

0:22:400:22:43

My son's half Welsh.

0:22:430:22:45

-Is he?

-Yeah, his mum's Welsh.

0:22:450:22:46

We're not together or anything, though. It's not like that.

0:22:460:22:49

But she...she texts me.

0:22:490:22:51

She sends me texts.

0:22:510:22:53

Let me show you... In fact, let me show you this text.

0:22:530:22:55

-See what you think.

-Oh, for God's sake, Smithy...

0:22:550:22:58

Shut up! Shut up!

0:22:580:23:00

I am talking to Owain Hughes, who, quite frankly,

0:23:000:23:03

is a better friend to me than you have ever been.

0:23:030:23:06

Sorry. He always gets like this when he's drunk.

0:23:060:23:08

How do you know? You don't know me!

0:23:080:23:11

You don't even come out with me any more! You live here!

0:23:110:23:13

Now, let me show you this.

0:23:150:23:17

Oi, has anyone seen Bryn?

0:23:180:23:20

What do you say? Seriously, Owain Hughes, what would you say?

0:23:200:23:24

Oh, my God! Uncle Bryn!

0:23:290:23:31

Stace...

0:23:310:23:33

Are you OK? I feel a bit weepy, Stace.

0:23:330:23:37

Have you been drinkin'?

0:23:370:23:38

Yeah, a few pints and some shots.

0:23:380:23:42

You've overdone it, Bryn. You don't know your limits.

0:23:420:23:45

HE SOBS I don't.

0:23:450:23:46

Oh, Ness!

0:23:510:23:53

What have I become?

0:23:530:23:55

Come on. You're fine.

0:23:550:23:56

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

0:23:580:24:00

BOTH INHALE

0:24:000:24:03

SOBS

0:24:030:24:05

-BUDGIE:

-Oi!

0:24:050:24:06

There you are. Are you all right?

0:24:060:24:09

Is he all right?

0:24:090:24:10

Yeah, he's just a bit drunk, he is.

0:24:100:24:12

Oh, Budge.

0:24:120:24:14

Of all the boys, I knew you'd come and look for me.

0:24:140:24:17

Here you are. There's some water.

0:24:170:24:18

Oh, you're so kind.

0:24:180:24:21

You're kind and lovely and sweet and attractive...

0:24:210:24:25

Can you stay with him for a bit? I've got to see Gav about something.

0:24:250:24:28

Uh...uh... Yeah, OK.

0:24:280:24:30

Deano, where's Chinese? He's got my phone.

0:24:320:24:36

I think he's gone out for a fag. Um, Fingers, this...

0:24:360:24:39

Hey, Louise, right?

0:24:390:24:40

-Hiya.

-Hey.

0:24:400:24:42

-Yeah. Long time.

-Yeah.

0:24:430:24:46

-How have you been? All right?

-Yeah, good.

0:24:460:24:48

You?

0:24:480:24:49

Right, so, do you two know each other?

0:24:490:24:53

-Uh, well...

-You could say that.

0:24:550:24:57

I learnt Welsh and everything.

0:25:000:25:02

Gav!

0:25:030:25:04

-Hiya.

-Oh, here we go.

0:25:040:25:07

-Uncle Bryn's really drunk.

-He's only had a couple.

0:25:070:25:09

I know, but he doesn't drink, does he?

0:25:090:25:11

-I'll go and see if he's all right.

-No. I have something to show you.

0:25:110:25:14

-Where did you get that?

-Anje had it.

0:25:160:25:18

She always keeps one on her, apparently - ever since, you know...

0:25:180:25:21

Yeah, of course.

0:25:210:25:22

-So, come on, then. Shall we?

-What, here?

0:25:220:25:24

Yeah. Don't you just want to find out?

0:25:240:25:26

Yeah, yeah, I do.

0:25:260:25:27

All right?

0:25:390:25:40

Yeah. You?

0:25:420:25:43

Yeah. You havin' a good night?

0:25:430:25:46

Yeah. It's all right.

0:25:460:25:48

It's Cardiff.

0:25:480:25:50

Gav says you've set a date for the wedding.

0:25:530:25:55

Yeah, June the 13th.

0:25:550:25:57

-You OK to look after Neil...?

-Goin' through with it, then?

0:25:570:25:59

Yeah. Why?

0:26:010:26:03

I'll look after Neil. No worries.

0:26:050:26:08

# Something inside of me wants a part of you

0:26:080:26:12

# Something kinda ooooh makes my heart go boom-boom

0:26:120:26:15

# Something inside of me wanting what you do-oo-oo

0:26:150:26:19

# Something kinda ooooh... #

0:26:190:26:20

TOILET FLUSHES

0:26:210:26:23

-How long's that now?

-We've got about 30 seconds.

0:26:230:26:26

I can't believe I just wee'd on my hand in front of you.

0:26:280:26:32

You did worse things than that on our honeymoon.

0:26:320:26:34

Gav, that was a treat!

0:26:340:26:36

-OK.

-SHE SQUEALS

0:26:530:26:56

Oh, never mind, babes.

0:26:590:27:02

-Babe?

-Just give me a minute.

0:27:110:27:13

Look, come on. It's only our first try.

0:27:150:27:17

No, it's not.

0:27:170:27:19

What?

0:27:200:27:22

Stace?

0:27:220:27:23

Stacey?

0:27:240:27:26

It's not our first try.

0:27:290:27:30

I don't understand.

0:27:300:27:32

I haven't been on the pill for over a year.

0:27:320:27:34

What you talking about?

0:27:340:27:36

I stopped taking it when we got married.

0:27:370:27:39

You've been trying to get pregnant

0:27:400:27:41

for over a year and you didn't tell me.

0:27:410:27:43

-Why?

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

0:27:430:27:44

Why did you think it was OK to do that?

0:27:440:27:46

-I don't think it's OK.

-Why did you do it, then?

0:27:460:27:48

Because I thought it would speed things up.

0:27:480:27:50

What?

0:27:500:27:51

Like, if I got pregnant, we'd have to move out,

0:27:510:27:53

get a house - oh, I don't know.

0:27:530:27:55

You cannot make decisions like that without talking to me about it.

0:27:550:27:57

-What is wrong with you?

-Exactly.

0:27:570:28:00

What is wrong with me, Gav?

0:28:000:28:02

What if I can't have children?

0:28:050:28:08

# Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you

0:28:130:28:18

# I'll wait by your big house for you

0:28:230:28:26

# I'll wait by the squeeze-box for you. #

0:28:310:28:36

Pam and Mick are having second thoughts about the conservatory, whilst Bryn is in his element as he awaits the arrival of his houseguests - all the Essex boys are down for a big night out in Cardiff, and having a sleepover at his! Smithy gets in a state about seeing Nessa after their most recent embarrassing meeting and Stacey makes a worrying discovery. But is telling Gavin the right thing to do?