Episode 4 Gavin & Stacey


Episode 4

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-I might be pregnant.

-Oh, my God.

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-You done the test?

-No, I'm gonna wait for Gav.

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I can't believe I'm gonna be a mum.

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Gav says you set a date for the wedding.

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Yeah, June the 13th...

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Going through with it, then?

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Yeah.

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Why?

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I'll look after Neil, no worries.

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SHE GIGGLES EXCITEDLY

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Oh, nevermind, babes.

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Come on, it's only our first try.

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I haven't been on the pill for over a year.

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-You can't make decisions like that without talking to me. What's wrong with you?

-Exactly!

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What is wrong with me, Gav?

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What if I can't have children?

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Hiya. Right. I got the appointment. It's 10.30 Friday.

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OK.

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-We'll go straight from there to Essex.

-Yeah, OK.

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It's weird, isn't it? Dawn and Pete.

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-Do you think we'll ever renew our vows?

-Dunno.

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Oh, look, why are you still in a mood with me? I can't say sorry any more times.

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I know. I'm not. I just feel a bit weird about it, that's all.

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-What do you mean?

-I dunno. Like, why you didn't tell me.

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All those months you could've got pregnant and you didn't. And why didn't you?

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That's why we're going the doctor's.

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I know. It's just been a bit of a shock, that's all.

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-I can't help it.

-'Gav...'

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If it turns out I can't have babies, you won't leave me, will you?

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Don't be stupid. Nutter.

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I love you.

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I love you, too. See you tonight.

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Yeah.

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I mean, it started off... it was meant to be intimate.

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You know, just close family, couple of friends.

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And then Pete's sister said she wanted to come.

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-Oh, God.

-I know.

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And of course it's not that I don't like her,

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but if we invite her, we've got to invite him.

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-The brother?

-No, the husband.

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Brother? That's all blown over.

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Turns out it really was identity theft all along.

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Somebody had taken Pete's card.

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Thing is, though, Pammy, this whole day is now bigger than our original wedding.

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And I said to Pete, "We are just renewing our vows.

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"We are not Louise and Jamie Redknapp."

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I bet he didn't like that. How many is it now, then?

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We're still waiting to hear back from people.

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But Pete just invites all sorts. I mean, for example, Bryn.

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I know since Christmas, Pete and Bryn have become very close.

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They're always on Facebook and that.

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Bryn's always following him on Twitter.

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But the thing is, Pammy,

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if we ask Bryn, we have to ask Gwyn.

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-Gwen.

-Gwen. See? Don't even know her name.

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And then there's Nessa.

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If we invite Vanessa, we have to invite David. David Coaches...

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Oh, I don't envy you, Dawn. All the organisation and whatnot.

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Still, it's gonna be a nice day.

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Pamelar! Dawn!

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-Smithy, darling.

-Hey, Smithy.

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Right. We got an hour. Get them clothes off and get upstairs.

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I'm a plumber. I'm a builder. Let's do it like in the movies.

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I don't know what films you've been watching!

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Pam, I know Mick hasn't fulfilled your needs for many years. And Dawn, I'm not sure Pete ever has.

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-SHE LAUGHS

-So come on.

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Here's our chance, you naughty little chaffinches!

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Smithy, what are you like?!

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I'm only dicking around. I come in for a biscuit.

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-Where's them Penguins?

-Cupboard over the kettle.

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They need to know what you wanna eat Saturday.

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-You looked at the menu?

-Oh. What's the choices again?

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Chargrilled chicken, veggie option, fillet of bream.

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# Breams can come true

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# Look at me, babe. I'm with you

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# You know you got to have bream

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# You know you just got to have that bream. #

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Pam! That is comedy gold!

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I don't know where that came from!

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Listen, you. I've got to ask you a favour and it's serious.

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It's not that shower tray again, is it? I've sealed it four times.

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-Just buy a new one.

-No, it's not about that.

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My stepbrother, John, can't make it.

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-His wife's broken both feet.

-Broke her ankles.

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So I was wondering how you'd feel about giving me away.

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What?

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Don't have to. Theoretically, I don't need anyone. It's just a renewal.

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But I think it'd be nice and I'd like it if you did.

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HE CHOKES UP

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I'd love to, Dawn.

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Cor! Look at my baby girl. She's all grown up!

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Oh.

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Aw, sweetheart.

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-A whole year?

-Yeah.

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-You been trying for the whole year?

-Yeah.

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-Why?

-Cos I really want a baby!

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And I just thought if I got pregnant,

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then Gav would definitely want to get a house,

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even if it was just renting somewhere.

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-So you planned it all?

-Well, not exactly.

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Nothing happened, did it?

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That's very manipulative, Stace.

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Oh, shut up! You sound like Gav.

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-Well, he's got a point.

-Ness!

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And you've gone down in my estimation.

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But what if I can't have kids? What if I'm like Karen down the road?

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-Barren Karen?

-Yeah. What if I'm like her?

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Well, that's the hand that life has dealt you.

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-Maybe you need to think about getting one of them Chinese ones.

-Like Angelina Jolie?

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Honestly, they're giving them away.

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It's not the same, though, is it?

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Strikes me you're not in a position to be fussy. Pass me the ball.

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-No, it's OK.

-Come on. I'll do you a reading.

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-All right. But I'm not paying.

-Shhh.

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-Is this actually crystal?

-No.

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It's a paperweight. But what can you do?

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Times are hard, and there's a credit crunch on.

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Om om shabai. Om om shabai.

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Om om puri.

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Omid Djalili.

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-It's not looking good, Stace.

-Why? What can you see? What's it saying?

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I don't know. It's bad news, whatever it is.

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-I can't be specific. But I should imagine you can't have kids.

-Really?

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All right, sugar tits?

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Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were having a reading.

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That's all right. We're done. It was only a quickie.

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-Well, how long?

-15, 20 minutes.

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It wasn't that long.

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Fair enough. We'll call it a fiver and be done.

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I didn't even want a reading.

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In her defence, she did make it clear she wasn't paying.

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Oh, come on, Ness. We've got a business to run here.

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This wedding's costing a fortune. I've been pricing up the cake. Do we really need one?

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You can't get married without cutting a cake.

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I can take it or leave it, to be honest.

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Yeah, me too. They're having jelly. Let them make do with that.

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-Exactly.

-I love weddings.

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I've never been to a renewal before, so that'll be fun.

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Ah, I could do without it, to be honest.

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I don't really understand why they've invited me.

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I know, Mum said the same.

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She said she could see why Bryn was going, cos of Pete,

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but Mum's hardly said two words to them.

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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-All right?

-Yeah, all right. Be with you now.

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-Come on, Ness, we've got to get on. There's a queue forming.

-Right.

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Stace, I'll see you Saturday up Essex.

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OK.

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Bring 'em on, Dave.

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Nice sheets, these, Gwen.

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I know. Dic Powell.

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He just knocked on the door.

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I mean, normally I send him away packing, but he made me feel them.

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And the minute I did, I said,

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"I don't know where they came from or where you got them,

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"but I'll take two sets - one for me, one for the kids."

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-GAVIN:

-Hello, Gwen?

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-Hiya, were up here.

-In the bedroom.

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-GAVIN:

-OK.

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It's always a risk with Dic, but sometimes he comes up trumps.

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-Like Nessa's lawnmower.

-Like the lawnmower.

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Hiya. Came back for some lunch. All right, Bryn?

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Look, you don't need to do that...

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Gavin, what else am I going to do? I'm kicking my heels in that house.

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Rattling around like a bubble in a can.

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He's at a loss since the boys went.

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I am. I miss them. That place has felt empty the past couple of weeks.

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-Great night, though, wasn't it?

-Yeah, it was.

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I was mullered. Plastered I was, Gwen.

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I know. Reminded me of Trevor.

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I can't wait for the next one. Budgie said something about Reading?

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Did he?

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A night out in Reading, Budgie's brother or something?

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-Who, Magpie?

-Yes! He's DJ-ing.

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Whatever it is, count me in.

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Right. Look, I'm gonna get something to eat.

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Stacey said you got your appointment sorted with the doctor.

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Did she? What, she told you?

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Yes. And for what it's worth, I think it's all going to be fine.

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That's what I said, Gav.

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Oh, right.

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I mean, I know Stacey said you'd been trying,

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but have you actually been trying?

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-What?

-Well, that's what I wondered.

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I know you've been gunning it since you've been living back here,

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but what about all that time in Essex?

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They were regular at Pam and Mick's. Stacey said, course she did.

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But would you say you were relaxed whilst you were doing it

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or do you feel you're under pressure? Because -

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and I know Gwen will back me up - it's quality...

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-Not quantity.

-..not quantity...

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Bryn, this is... I don't really feel comfortable talking about this.

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I'm just gonna get a sandwich and go back to work

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and forget this conversation

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about sex with your daughter and your niece ever happened.

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Well, he's clearly very stressed, Gwen.

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I know. And that's not gonna do them any favours.

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We'll try Marks first.

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No, I'm not getting a suit from there. I wanna go Next or Topman or something.

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Neil, with respect, designer labels like them will not carry your size.

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Mum!

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I might be carrying a bit of timber,

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but I'm not, you know, Robbie Coltrane.

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You are heading that way, my love. Now, where's your sister?

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What? Rudi's coming?

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Yeah. I want another pair of eyes on it.

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I'm 28. I'm a dad. I've fathered a child.

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-Don't be coarse, Neil.

-I can do it on my own, that's all.

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I just need you to lend me the money.

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I'm happy to buy you the suit. I'm glad you're getting it.

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-I'm proud of you.

-That's a first.

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Oh, here she is. Ruth!

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All right?

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-Are those Heelys?

-Yeah.

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-How old are you?

-How old am I?

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You're buying clothes with your mum. How old are you?

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-Dick.

-Douche.

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Will you please just give it a rest, the two of you?

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I'm at the point of exhaustion.

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My resources are almost entirely depleted.

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If you persist I shall simply go home.

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Good! That's absolutely fine.

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I don't need you here. Or you. I didn't ask either of you to come.

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I can buy a suit on my own, you know.

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SHE LAUGHS

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Oh, now, that does look nice.

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-You look really stupid.

-I feel it.

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-You look an absolute tool.

-Mum, will you tell her?

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-You do.

-Ruth.

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Look like one of the Blues Brothers. The dead one.

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Right, one more comment.

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Make one more comment about me in this suit -

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or, in fact, just about me -

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and I will take off those Heelys...

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Look at me, look at me.

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I will take off those Heelys and I will stick them up your arse.

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OK?

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It's just a case of taking these up a couple of inches, that's all. They'll do that for you.

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Yeah, it's all right, isn't it?

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It is, actually...Pavarotti.

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-Right!

-Argh!

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Get off!

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BOTH GRUNT AND YELL

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-RUDI:

-Get off!

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Ow! I warned you.

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SHE HUMS "NESSUN DORMA"

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Shut up! Shut...up!

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-Argh!

-No!

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No!

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Mum! Mum!

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Now, no need to be nervous, OK?

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I've got the results back

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and I'm afraid there is a problem.

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Oh, my God, it's me, isn't it?

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I'm just gonna come out and say it,

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the thing is, at times like this it's better to face up to the facts,

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sometimes it's easier to look at the negative,

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to not look beyond what's...

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This is a marathon, not a sprint,

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and there are all sort of options available.

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We just have to sit down calmly together and talk through what...

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When you said you're gonna come out...

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-It's you, Gavin.

-What?

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You've got a low sperm count.

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Serious?

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Yes.

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Oh, my God.

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Shit!

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MICK: I mean, the whole thing's getting ridiculous.

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-Why? I think it's nice.

-I'm his best man, for God's sake. He wants me to make a speech.

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And Smithy, giving Dawn away. I mean, please!

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She was given away 27 years ago.

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It's their day, Mick.

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They had their day in 1982.

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That's my point.

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I could understand if this was some loving union, but they're at each other's throats every five minutes.

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Well, ours is not to question while.

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-What?

-Ours is not to question while.

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"Why". "Ours is not to question why."

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No, "while". It's not our place to ask questions while they're doing it.

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Amazing.

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What you said is completely wrong, and yet there's a logic to it.

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That's me, Michael. What you see is what you get.

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-Maybe we should renew our vows.

-Don't even think about it.

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Come in, come in.

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Oh, sorry. You're still eating.

0:13:390:13:41

It's all right.

0:13:410:13:42

-Is Dawn not here yet?

-No, she's on her way.

0:13:420:13:45

Good, cos I wanted to show you something.

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I've just been to pick up my ring.

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We've chosen our own - you know, for tomorrow.

0:13:490:13:51

Oh, that's nice. Cos then you get to wear something you like.

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You know, something you feel comfortable in, rather than...

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Oh, my Christ!

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Who d'you think you are? Puff Daddy?

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-Don't you like it?

-I dunno.

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I don't know what to think, really.

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Oh, no, it's too much, isn't it?

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Where d'you get it, Sierra Leone?

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Take no notice. If you like it, that's all that matters.

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I've never had a decent ring before. I wanted to make a statement.

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You've certainly done that, mate.

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No, I mean a show of my love for Dawn.

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In that case you should've got a D on it, not a P.

0:14:210:14:23

No, but that's the beauty of it.

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P, D.

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Pete, Dawn.

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Puff, Daddy.

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-KNOCKING

-Oh, there she is!

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Welcome to the renewlywed.

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Don't! The people in the shop have been calling me that.

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Where is he? Where's my little gingerbread man?

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-Hello, my gorgeous girl.

-Mmm.

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God, you two. Honestly!

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I'm in love, Mick, with my wife. Is that such a crime?

0:15:010:15:05

Where's Stace and Gavin? Not here yet?

0:15:050:15:07

No, we haven't heard from them.

0:15:070:15:08

I think they're coming first thing tonight.

0:15:080:15:11

Give them a ring, Mick, see what's happening.

0:15:110:15:13

OK.

0:15:130:15:14

-Hey, Dawn, got us a couple of films for tonight.

-Have you?

0:15:140:15:18

-Got Beaches...

-Oh, I love that.

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...Breakfast At Tiffany's and Doubt.

0:15:200:15:21

Doubt? Never heard of that.

0:15:210:15:23

Oh, you will have done.

0:15:230:15:24

Meryl Streep's this nun

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and the big strawberry-blond fella from Patch Adams is this priest,

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and he's been fiddling with the boys and giving them wine.

0:15:280:15:31

Bloody hell, Pam, that sounds a barrel of laughs(!)

0:15:310:15:34

I thought it was a fun, girly night. I brought face packs.

0:15:340:15:36

No, thing is, Meryl Streep doesn't know if he's really fiddling.

0:15:360:15:39

That's where the doubt lies.

0:15:390:15:41

That's why it's called Doubt.

0:15:410:15:42

MICK: Well, he's not picking up.

0:15:420:15:44

You'll have to wait and see him tomorrow, then.

0:15:440:15:46

Now, when are you two going? Cos we wanna get on.

0:15:460:15:48

I dunno. But Pete, is this really necessary?

0:15:480:15:51

-What d'you mean?

-Staying at yours.

0:15:510:15:53

I just wanna sleep in me own bed, mate.

0:15:530:15:55

Oh, come on, Mick. This is my last night as a single man.

0:15:550:15:58

I've booked a stripper.

0:15:580:16:00

-You haven't!

-You haven't!

0:16:000:16:01

-He has.

-I never had one, first time round.

0:16:010:16:03

I thought it'd be fun.

0:16:030:16:05

Just you, me and her on our own in your front room?

0:16:050:16:07

That's a bit weird, innit, mate?

0:16:070:16:08

Oh, live a little, Michael. It's only a stripper.

0:16:080:16:11

It's not like she's a prossy or anything.

0:16:110:16:13

Exactly.

0:16:140:16:16

DOOR OPENS Oh, that'll be them.

0:16:170:16:19

Oh, good.

0:16:190:16:20

There he is, my little prince. And Stacey.

0:16:210:16:25

-STACEY:

-Hiya.

0:16:250:16:26

-We didn't know when you were coming.

-GAVIN:

-Yeah, me too.

0:16:260:16:28

-I just tried to ring you.

-Yeah, I know.

0:16:280:16:31

-You all right?

-Yeah, yeah.

0:16:310:16:33

-You excited about tomorrow?

-Yeah.

0:16:350:16:38

You wanna see 'em, Gav. They're like a couple of teenagers, aren't you?

0:16:380:16:42

Yeah. So, how was the journey? All right?

0:16:420:16:44

Yeah.

0:16:440:16:45

And the job going OK, is it, Stace, at Marco's? Is it Marco's?

0:16:480:16:52

Yeah. I like it.

0:16:520:16:54

Well, don't just stand there. Come on in, come in.

0:16:550:16:58

Actually, Mum, I'm not feeling too good. I've got a funny tummy.

0:16:580:17:01

What, was it something you've eaten?

0:17:010:17:03

Yeah. Look, I'm gonna go and lie down.

0:17:030:17:04

Oh, all right.

0:17:040:17:06

-Well, do you want anything?

-No, thanks.

0:17:060:17:08

-I'll be up now, Gav.

-OK.

0:17:080:17:10

Mick, we should really get going, cos she's arriving at half seven.

0:17:190:17:23

SHE SIGHS

0:17:330:17:35

Are you all right?

0:17:410:17:43

Yeah.

0:17:430:17:44

How long have you been awake?

0:17:450:17:47

Dunno. Half an hour.

0:17:480:17:51

Do you want a little cwtch?

0:17:540:17:56

Yeah, go on, then.

0:17:570:17:58

Hang on, you're supposed to be cwtching me.

0:18:020:18:04

Oh. All right, then.

0:18:040:18:07

You will be OK, Gav.

0:18:140:18:16

There's things we can do, you know.

0:18:160:18:19

Yeah. I know.

0:18:190:18:23

SHE SIGHS

0:18:270:18:28

Remember your blind spot, Bryn.

0:18:340:18:36

Yes, thank you, David.

0:18:370:18:39

Hey, Ness, they've got a sale in Mamas and Papas this week,

0:18:410:18:43

and I think a lot of the stuff might fit Neil the Baby.

0:18:430:18:46

DAVID: Bryn, come off next junction. There's an average speed check for ten miles.

0:18:460:18:50

You'll save yourself a good 20 minutes. The A-road...

0:18:500:18:53

Yes, thank you, David, but I'll stick with what I know.

0:18:530:18:55

-Suit yourself. You're the driver.

-Yes, I am.

0:18:570:18:59

You might wanna move over. We got a joker behind us. I think he's in a bit of a rush.

0:19:010:19:05

Bryn, he's flashing his lights.

0:19:070:19:09

Thank you, Mr Clarkson.

0:19:090:19:11

I am fully aware of the driver in question,

0:19:110:19:13

and am merely demonstrating to him

0:19:130:19:15

that he cannot bully his way along the motorway,

0:19:150:19:17

pushing myself and others out of the way.

0:19:170:19:19

I am driving at the maximum speed limit of 70 miles an hour.

0:19:190:19:23

If he doesn't like it, he can move to Germany and drive on the Autobahn.

0:19:230:19:26

All right, I'm just saying.

0:19:260:19:27

Well, don't. Leave the man alone, all right?

0:19:270:19:29

Look, I drive for a living. I know these roads.

0:19:290:19:31

Yes, I know these roads!

0:19:310:19:32

I have driven to Billericay over seven times.

0:19:320:19:35

I know you've got a bus and I know it's bigger than my Picasso,

0:19:350:19:39

-but I'm just trying...

-Come on, now. Let's not have a row.

0:19:390:19:41

-I'm not rowing.

-You are. You're belligerent.

0:19:410:19:43

I tell you what - let's have a bit of music and all just calm down.

0:19:430:19:47

Good idea, Gwen.

0:19:480:19:51

MUSIC: "Smack My Bitch Up" by The Prodigy

0:19:510:19:53

BABY CRIES

0:19:530:19:54

MUSIC STOPS

0:19:540:19:56

BABY CRIES

0:19:560:19:57

When you try your best but you don't succeed,

0:19:590:20:01

When you get what you want but not what you need,

0:20:010:20:04

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,

0:20:040:20:07

Stuck in reverse.

0:20:070:20:08

Lights will gu-i-ide you home,

0:20:080:20:11

And ign-i-i-ite your bones...

0:20:110:20:13

-No. What are you doing?

-It's my vows. It's Coldplay.

0:20:130:20:17

Yeah, I know. But don't say it like you're singing a song.

0:20:170:20:21

Just say, "Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones."

0:20:210:20:23

That's what I said. "Lights will gu-i-ide..."

0:20:230:20:26

No, you did it again! Don't elongate. Say "guide".

0:20:260:20:29

Guide. Ignite.

0:20:290:20:31

Look, it'll be fine. It'll be fine.

0:20:310:20:32

Let's just do it again from the top, all right?

0:20:320:20:35

"Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones."

0:20:350:20:38

Lights will gui-i-i-i-ide you home...

0:20:380:20:42

-No!

-Hiya.

0:20:420:20:43

-Hiya.

-How was last night? The stripper.

0:20:430:20:45

-It was horrific.

-She was brilliant.

0:20:450:20:47

-Pete, she was filthy.

-I know!

0:20:470:20:50

No! She actually was dirty!

0:20:500:20:52

-Nice.

-Well, I enjoyed it.

0:20:520:20:54

-Hiya!

-Hiya!

0:20:540:20:56

How are you feeling?

0:20:560:20:57

Oh, you know. Bit nervous.

0:20:570:21:01

See you in there.

0:21:010:21:02

What's he got to be nervous about?

0:21:040:21:05

I don't understand why we're here, to be honest.

0:21:050:21:07

Hiya.

0:21:070:21:09

I've been trying to ring you. What's happening with the quack?

0:21:090:21:12

-What's occurring?

-I'll tell you later.

0:21:120:21:14

Hiya!

0:21:140:21:15

Gav.

0:21:150:21:17

-When are you heading back west?

-What?

0:21:170:21:19

-To Barry.

-Dunno, really.

0:21:190:21:21

Well, when you go, would you please do me a favour

0:21:210:21:23

and take that bloody bus driver with you?

0:21:230:21:25

He is doing my head in.

0:21:250:21:27

So was he fiddling with the boys? The vicar - the priest?

0:21:290:21:33

-Well, we don't know.

-But I need to know.

0:21:330:21:36

Cos I actually quite liked him, that guy from The Boat That Rocked.

0:21:360:21:39

-Philip Dustin Hoffman?

-Yeah.

0:21:390:21:41

But if he's been fiddling with boys, then obviously I wanna hate him.

0:21:410:21:44

But that is the point, Dawn. There's doubt. That's why it's called Doubt.

0:21:440:21:48

KNOCK AT DOOR

0:21:480:21:49

We all ready to go?

0:21:490:21:50

Right. I'll go on in, then.

0:21:500:21:53

Come on.

0:21:570:21:59

MUISC: "Flower Duet" from Lakme by Deblies

0:22:060:22:09

-Take good care of her, Pete.

-I will, Neil. I won't let you down.

0:22:200:22:24

Please be seated.

0:22:300:22:32

We're gathered here today to celebrate the 26-year marriage

0:22:330:22:36

of Dawn and Peter Sutcliffe.

0:22:360:22:39

To mark that anniversary,

0:22:390:22:41

Dawn and Peter have chosen to renew their vows

0:22:410:22:44

before you, their dearest family and their closest friends.

0:22:440:22:49

Tears stream down your face.

0:22:510:22:54

I promise I will learn from my mistakes.

0:22:540:22:57

Lights will guide you home,

0:22:570:23:01

and ignite your bones.

0:23:010:23:04

And I will try...

0:23:040:23:07

to fix you.

0:23:070:23:09

And now, Dawn, would you please make your renewal vows to Peter?

0:23:100:23:14

Pete,

0:23:220:23:24

the two of us need look no more.

0:23:240:23:26

We both found what we were looking for.

0:23:280:23:30

With a friend to call my own, I'll never be alone.

0:23:310:23:34

And you, my friend, will see,

0:23:340:23:36

you've got a friend in me.

0:23:360:23:38

Pete, you're always running here and there.

0:23:400:23:43

You feel you're not wanted anywhere.

0:23:450:23:46

If you ever look behind, and don't like what you find,

0:23:480:23:52

there's one thing you should know -

0:23:520:23:54

you got a place to go.

0:23:540:23:55

I used to say "I" and "me".

0:23:570:24:00

Now it's "us". Now it's "we".

0:24:000:24:03

I used to say "I" and "me".

0:24:030:24:07

Now it's "us", and now it's "we".

0:24:070:24:10

Pete,

0:24:110:24:13

most people would turn you away.

0:24:130:24:16

I don't listen to a word they say.

0:24:170:24:19

They don't see you as I do.

0:24:190:24:22

I wish they'd try to.

0:24:220:24:25

I'm sure they'd think again

0:24:250:24:27

If they had a friend...like Pete.

0:24:270:24:29

-OFFICIAL:

-Thank you, Dawn.

0:24:310:24:33

Peter and Dawn's children are going to present the eternity rings.

0:24:330:24:36

So Fiona and Alex, if you'd like to step forward.

0:24:360:24:39

Pete, if you'd like to take the eternity ring and place it on Dawn's finger

0:24:390:24:43

as a token sign of your renewed commitment and love.

0:24:430:24:49

I love you, Dawn.

0:24:520:24:54

I love you so much.

0:24:550:24:57

And Dawn, if you'd like to take Pete's eternity ring and do the same.

0:24:580:25:03

Bloody hell, Pete!

0:25:040:25:06

How much did that cost?

0:25:060:25:08

140 quid.

0:25:090:25:11

Oh, it's disgusting.

0:25:110:25:13

Have you seen this?

0:25:140:25:16

-You look ridiculous.

-I'm sorry.

0:25:220:25:25

-OFFICIAL:

-You may now seal your vows of renewal with a kiss.

0:25:250:25:30

I didn't mean it to come out like that. I was just so shocked.

0:25:460:25:49

It is horrible, though, Dawn.

0:25:490:25:51

It's what I'd call gaudy. It's gauche.

0:25:510:25:54

But that aside, it really was a lovely service.

0:25:540:25:57

-Thank you, Gwyn.

-Gwen.

-Gwen.

0:25:570:25:59

You just assume you're gonna be all right.

0:26:010:26:03

Like it's a foregone conclusion that you can have kids.

0:26:030:26:06

But how low? I mean, how low is low? What you gonna do?

0:26:060:26:10

I dunno. I mean, there's loads of options.

0:26:100:26:12

-Sperm donor.

-Right.

0:26:120:26:14

OK. I get it.

0:26:140:26:16

-What?

-I know what you're saying. I'll do it.

0:26:160:26:19

-Smithy.

-I'll have sex with Stacey.

0:26:190:26:21

-You don't understand.

-I'll do it for you.

0:26:210:26:23

Call me stupid, call me crazy,

0:26:230:26:27

but I love you.

0:26:270:26:28

I'll do it. You're my best friend.

0:26:280:26:30

I'd do it for any of my friends, really.

0:26:300:26:32

Maybe not Dirtbox. That isn't racist. We just don't click, me and her.

0:26:320:26:35

-Mate, it's not what this is about.

-Clearly, I've got strong swimmers.

0:26:350:26:39

Right? And listen to me.

0:26:390:26:41

I promise you this.

0:26:410:26:43

I guarantee you, Stacey will not enjoy it.

0:26:430:26:46

You can watch if you like, just to make sure,

0:26:460:26:48

but she will get next to no pleasure from it, and that's because she loves you.

0:26:480:26:52

-But I don't want you to.

-Of course you don't.

0:26:520:26:54

Why would you?

0:26:540:26:55

Christ, I'd hate it if anyone slept with Lucy.

0:26:550:26:58

Though apparently half the Boys' Brigade have.

0:26:580:27:00

I just have to believe it isn't true.

0:27:000:27:02

Oh, Gav. Bryn says me and Ness are coming back with you. Is that right?

0:27:020:27:06

Yeah, if you like. There's room in the car.

0:27:060:27:08

OK. Well, we're sort of ready to make a move, to be honest.

0:27:080:27:11

-What, now?

-Yeah, if you don't mind.

0:27:110:27:13

Well, no. We weren't gonna go yet. We were gonna stay for a bit.

0:27:130:27:15

Yeah, fair enough. We'll get the train.

0:27:150:27:17

What?

0:27:170:27:18

It's not really my scene. I don't know what I'm doing here.

0:27:180:27:21

Hang on a minute. This is supposed to be my time with Neil. I've barely seen him.

0:27:210:27:25

Yeah, I know. But the thing is, I got a long drive tomorrow.

0:27:250:27:28

I got a school party going the Chair Museum in High Wycombe.

0:27:280:27:30

So it's just easier for us to go back now.

0:27:300:27:33

Well, whether it's easier or not isn't the point.

0:27:330:27:35

It's supposed to be my time with my son. Nessa, you can understand that.

0:27:350:27:38

-I know.

-Of course we can.

0:27:380:27:39

Maybe next weekend you can have more time with him.

0:27:390:27:41

It'd just be better for me...

0:27:410:27:42

I don't care if it's better for you or not. It's nothing to do with you.

0:27:420:27:45

It's none of your business. Nessa, come on.

0:27:450:27:47

What do you mean? The kid lives in my house.

0:27:470:27:50

Caravan. Nessa...

0:27:500:27:51

-Oh. Don't talk to her like I'm not here.

-This is our son. Mine and hers.

0:27:510:27:55

-Well, I'm his stepdad.

-No, you're not.

0:27:550:27:57

-You're her boyfriend.

-I'm her fiance!

0:27:570:27:59

And we're getting married on June 13th.

0:27:590:28:01

-It'll all change then.

-Will it?

0:28:010:28:03

-It's gonna change, is it?

-Yeah.

0:28:030:28:05

Right. Well, best of luck with that. The whole marriage thing.

0:28:050:28:08

I really hope it works out,

0:28:080:28:09

given me and her woke up in bed together last time she came here without you.

0:28:090:28:13

What?!

0:28:150:28:16

# Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you

0:28:180:28:23

# I'll wait by your big house for you

0:28:280:28:32

# I'll wait by the squeezebox for you. #

0:28:360:28:41

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:410:28:44

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0:28:440:28:47

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