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Episode 1

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This programme contains some strong language.

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MUSIC: Rule The World by Take That

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# Yeah, you and me, we can ride on a star

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# If you stay with me, girl

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# We can rule the world

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# Yeah, you and me, we can light up the sky

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# If you stay by my side...# SHE SIGHS

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# ..We can rule the world. #

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'You're through to Buccaneer 2000 Healthcare.

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'We care about your health and we care about your phone call.

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'You're currently held in a queue. You're number...53.'

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HE COUGHS

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SPORTS NEWS ON RADIO

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Right, let's get a boost for the week.

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Come on!

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You're joking!

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-What are you mumbling about, Dave?

-This is ridiculous.

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-What?

-These deductions they make make no sense at all.

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-998.17...

-Yeah.

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-I've done 72 hours.

-Yeah.

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Look, they've left me with a net pay of 415.

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Total deductions - whatever they are - 582.

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It's a joke.

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With my petrol expenses, about 320 quid I made this week.

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Oh, no, look at this twat. Simon Jenkins.

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I did Planet Hollywood with him.

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He got a 100-dollar tip from Sylvester Stallone.

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Look at him now, he's got his own limo company.

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But it's a scam. It's meant to be with celebrities. It's all bollocks.

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-He's quite nice-looking.

-No, he's not.

-Yes, he is.

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-He's a twat, look at him.

-"Why Iraq may be your next pick up."

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-Iraq?

-Really?

-They're sending people out to Iraq, hang on.

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Have they got a Center Parcs in Baghdad? Let's take the kids.

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Let's do it. Look at this. "Is it really that dangerous over there?

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"If you look at the stats,

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"you're probably more dangerous to drive around at 1am

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"on a Friday or Saturday night". This is bollocks.

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They haven't been out there. I need to eat, I'm stressed.

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All right. I've got to get the kids up.

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Max, Kelly, come on!

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What's wrong with the toaster?

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Oh, I don't think they're coming back to me.

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I've been on hold again now for...God knows how long.

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Oh, hello, where have you been?

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I've been hanging on for ages.

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Yeah, I've burnt me tunic.

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Can you replace it?

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32 quid?

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Can you check that? That can't be right.

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Yes, I will hold.

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32 quid for a new one of these.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Max, it's for you.

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-Hey.

-Hey, there you go.

-All right, cheers, see you later.

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Roxanne's mum's ill, so I've got to take care of Poppy.

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Max, what about school?

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Max?

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Dave, he's not going into school AGAIN.

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-So?

-He's got to go to school, it's not fair.

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Every time Roxanne's mum's ill, Poppy comes over here.

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Why can't Roxanne look after her when her mum's ill?

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But Max loves it. Max doesn't like school, he's like me.

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Doesn't like school, so he's happy to be with the baby.

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Dave, that has got nothing to do with it.

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It's Roxanne's baby, too. We've got to sort it out, OK?

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Hang on a minute.

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DOG BARKS

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I never liked school, I'm with him. I'm with Max.

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Have you fed Carpet?

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-No, have you?

-No.

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DOG BARKS

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Yeah, all right, all right.

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God, you're just like the rest of the family. Eurgh.

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Oh, hang on! Er, yeah, don't put me on hold again...

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No, please!

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Oh, bollocks, they put me on hold again.

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Where does this go?

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So it IS 32 quid?

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It's hardly a high-fashion item, is it?

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-RADIO PLAYS MUSIC

-And it wasn't even my fault.

-Kelly, no, I was listening to that.

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-Kelly...

-It wasn't my fault.

-Morning!

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I did a double shift yesterday. I didn't get home till nine.

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I had no time to do any preparation of stuff for today.

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Well, I know that they don't need ironing,

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but it did, cos it sort of got caught under some stuff.

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What? Can't I have some kind of discount?

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No, and I'm not doing all double shifts next week, either.

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All right just let me look, I can hear...

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MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

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No, it's double shifts again. Yeah.

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Yeah, it's not good enough...

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Hello? Hello?

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What did you do there?

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-What?

-What?

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-You just cut me off.

-How?

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-I took a photo.

-Well, it somehow just disturbed my line...

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No, I sent it on Snapchat, I didn't text it.

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You used up the phone signal.

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If you're using a phone with a signal and I'm using the internet...

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You can't use up the phone signal!

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You can't sit there and laugh at me, Mr Screwdriver,

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king of the toaster repair.

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You think the phone got cut off because of their Snapchats,

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that's hilarious.

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-This is like Mastermind, this is.

-Where am I supposed to put that?

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-That is a crumb tray, right, see?

-Dad.

-That is a slot...

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-and it goes in it.

-I need to go. Someone...

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-I'll do it.

-Thank you.

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She can fix a toaster and doesn't know what the internet is.

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There we go.

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-Toaster now works.

-Sorry it's a bit of a mess.

-Thank you.

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-Yoo-hoo.

-Oh, hello.

-Only me.

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-How are you?

-Yeah, yeah, well...

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All right. How are you?

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Yeah, I'm good, thanks. Yep, fine.

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I'm worried about Mum.

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Yeah. And?

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I don't know, I'm just worried about her, Kim.

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All that way away.

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-All that way away?

-Yeah.

-It's eight miles to Basingstoke.

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It's miserable. Nobody talks to her down there.

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The neighbours don't talk to her. She's... She's lonely.

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-Cup of tea?

-Yeah, I'd love a cup of tea.

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Lovely.

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-Bloody hell.

-What?

-Damp.

-What, that little patch?

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That is a big patch of damp!

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That's just the house crying when it knows you're coming round!

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-Ha-ha-ha(!)

-Excuse me... Dave, you are the expert on damp patches.

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I will leave you two to it, cos I've got to get dressed.

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-I've got to go to work.

-All right, go on.

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-But you know I am an expert on wet patches.

-Yes, indeedy.

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Thank you very much.

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Living room, dining room, kitchen, and the extension is here.

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-Brilliant.

-Now, the wall you're talking about is right here.

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-Hmm.

-That's where the damp is.

-Yeah.

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-That's just a few loose flashes, that's going to go.

-Brilliant.

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-There you go, are you happy with that?

-Fantastic. No, it looks great.

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-Two rooms.

-Yeah.

-Great, great.

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Having a lovely chat about Dave's really interesting plans?

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-Really...

-No, just be great for the family, won't it?

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-Extra bedroom, maybe en suite, you were saying.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, en suite.

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And a great big penis in the corner of room one, I see.

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-What are you talking about?

-You what?

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-Well, who did this?

-What's that?

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It's a rather large wash basin.

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Who's ever seen a wash basin that shape, Dave?

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Who did that? That shows no respect for the plans.

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I suspect Max did it.

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-Why would Max do this? It's stupid.

-For a laugh.

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-It's not funny.

-It is quite funny.

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-Well, I'm very excited for you.

-Thank you very much.

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Right, that's enough of that now, come on.

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-I've got to go.

-Everyone's slipping into a coma, Dave.

-I've got to go.

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-Airport job. See you.

-See you.

-See you, Jackie.

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-See you later, sweetheart. Ta-ra.

-Ta-ra, Dave.

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You know, I didn't have any breakfast this morning.

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-Really? Why not?

-Well, nobody came.

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-Oh, that's dreadful.

-When it was the council, they always came.

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I had a packet of biscuits by the bed.

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-Right.

-So I ate a whole packet of chocolate biscuits.

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That is not really much of a breakfast, though, is it?

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No. It really wasn't very filling.

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Well, it was, actually, but it was a bit sickly.

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-Now, that should keep you nice and dry...

-Thank you, that feels lovely.

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-Does that feel all right?

-Yes.

-Let's pop you back in.

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-I'll try to find out what happened. That's terrible.

-Thank you.

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Okey-dokey, good.

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-He's a good guy, apparently. Jenko.

-Who? Simon Jenkins?

-Yeah.

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You heard about the alleged 100-dollar tip from Sly Stallone?

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-Course I have.

-Oh, give me a break.

-It's a story of legend.

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-Give me a break, I was there!

-Were you?

-I was there.

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He went round telling us, "I can't believe Sly Stallone's given me 100 dollars.

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"He's going to come back, I'll be his driver whenever he's in London."

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-Yeah, he was his driver.

-He built up his whole empire based as one lie.

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-Everyone knows it was a lie.

-It wasn't a lie.

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-I tell you, take that back.

-How do you know it's not a lie?

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Cos it's a story of legend amongst us drivers.

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That's what we all hope for, that one day Sly Stallone or some...

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You know what? Stallone flew him out

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and he drove for Stallone on Demolition Man,

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right, all of The Expendables.

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-That's not true, that is...

-It is true, I've heard...

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-..blatantly not true.

-I've heard it from the horse's mouth.

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Yeah, of course he's going to tell you that, but...

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I was at his table at the chauffeurs' gala.

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I was in awe of the man.

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-Is that limo his?

-Who cares?

-It's leased out. All of them are.

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Every car... We all work on leased-out cars.

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-This isn't your car.

-Yeah, but...

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With the money you earn, you own this car? You lease this out.

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He's making out that he's got a massive empire of fleets of cars

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and it's all because of his celebrity contacts.

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-You know he went out with Claudia Schiffer?

-Ah, bollocks he did.

-He did!

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He dumped her and that's why she went out with Matthew Vaughan.

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I tell you, she was heartbroken, the poor lass.

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He's a good human being. He's a very good human being.

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-How do you know him so well?

-I don't know him well. I wish I did.

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He sat at my table at the chauffeurs' ball.

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He was about two people down from me and I was like...

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You just met him the one time?

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I know the stories of him.

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That's who I look up to. That's who I want to be one day.

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-My own fleet of cars.

-I think you're well on your way.

0:10:320:10:34

Thank you, but I tell you, that's the thing with you.

0:10:340:10:37

It's like, I don't want to get to your age and just have one car.

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-Yeah?

-Yeah.

0:10:410:10:43

You and him... What is he? Your age?

0:10:430:10:46

-Bit younger or a bit older than you, Jenko?

-We're the same age.

-Oh, wow.

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I think you're a bit jealous of Simon Jenkins.

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-Yeah, maybe I'm jealous of everyone.

-You ever been on the beer with him?

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-With Simon? No.

-He's choosy about who he keeps his company with.

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Right, anything else I can help you with, madam?

0:11:020:11:07

I would really like some help with my birthday card for my son.

0:11:070:11:11

OK. Right, now, let's start with his name.

0:11:110:11:15

-What's your son called?

-Simon.

0:11:150:11:18

-Um, how old is he?

-50.

0:11:180:11:20

Oh, my word. OK. Well, let's put "happy 50th", then.

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And will he be popping round?

0:11:230:11:25

Um...I don't think so.

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I haven't seen him for a couple of years.

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But he'll be round like a shot when I pop my clogs - to sell the house.

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Sorry to hear that.

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I think you're probably right.

0:11:400:11:42

-"Love Mum"?

-Yes.

0:11:420:11:44

-Kisses?

-No.

0:11:440:11:46

Right, okey-doke, there you go.

0:11:460:11:48

Do you think you could post it for me?

0:11:480:11:51

-Of course, yeah, no probs.

-It's going to need a stamp.

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I haven't got any money on me at the moment.

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-Don't worry, I'll sort that out.

-Thank you, thank you.

0:11:560:11:59

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Excuse me, sorry about this.

0:11:590:12:03

Max? Well, have you tried winding her?

0:12:050:12:08

(The baby won't stop crying!)

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No, I can't. I can't!

0:12:120:12:15

I want to ask you something, seeing as you're Mr Know-All.

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How much is a two-bedroom bungalow in Basingstoke?

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Two-bedroom bungalow in Basingstoke?

0:12:220:12:24

I think you're going to be looking at 280, 300.

0:12:240:12:28

-How much?

-280, 300. It's nice, Basingstoke.

0:12:290:12:33

-I used to knock off a little bird up that way.

-Did you?

0:12:330:12:36

Cor, a lovely little thing! Yeah.

0:12:360:12:38

-She was a sort.

-I got in so late last night.

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My fare kept me waiting till two,

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then he complained that I was asleep!

0:12:450:12:48

What do you mean? What, when he got in the car?

0:12:480:12:51

Yeah, he complained I was asleep, yeah.

0:12:510:12:53

-Apparently he was ringing me and I...

-Why don't you wear them?

0:12:530:12:56

Right, you tell me now, what am I doing?

0:12:560:12:59

-You're just sitting there

-No, I'm not, I'm sleeping.

0:12:590:13:03

-Eyes are closed. You wouldn't know, though, would you?

-Oh, wow.

0:13:030:13:06

Then when the door goes, I hear the door, "Hello, sir!

0:13:060:13:09

"How are you doing? You all right? Let's get you home."

0:13:090:13:12

That's a good tip. Let me try them on.

0:13:120:13:15

-Look, stick those on.

-I think they make it worse, don't you think?

0:13:150:13:19

-No, you'll look cooler.

-All right, resting bitch-face.

-Yeah. Exactly.

0:13:190:13:22

That goes from seeing someone who might or might not have

0:13:220:13:25

just had a stroke, to looking like... You look tough.

0:13:250:13:28

You look like a hard nut like that.

0:13:280:13:30

-Tell you what, mate...

-"I'll be back."

0:13:300:13:32

-What's that?

-It's the Terminator.

0:13:340:13:36

Why, when Roxanne's mum is ill, do you always have to look after Poppy?

0:13:390:13:43

Why can't Roxanne do it?

0:13:430:13:45

Yeah, but Roxanne's got the future, I haven't. OK?

0:13:450:13:47

That is rubbish, Max, you've got a future as well.

0:13:470:13:51

That is absolute rubbish.

0:13:510:13:54

GEARS CRUNCH

0:13:540:13:55

-I thought Dad had fixed this bloody gearstick.

-Come on.

0:13:550:13:58

Why are you always picking on me? I always try and do the best.

0:14:020:14:05

-Well, your best isn't good enough, Max!

-I try my hardest...

0:14:050:14:08

You need to sort yourself out and start helping out!

0:14:080:14:11

BABY SCREAMS AND CRIES

0:14:110:14:13

Now look what you've done.

0:14:130:14:16

I tell you what, a real pair of Oakleys, them.

0:14:180:14:22

-All right.

-Do you want them?

-These are Oakleys?

0:14:220:14:25

-Yeah, I'd love them, but don't give them... I'll pay...

-Oh, no, no.

0:14:250:14:29

I can have them? Well, that's... No, I'll give you something.

0:14:290:14:32

-No, you have them.

-I'll give you something.

0:14:320:14:35

-No, if you want them, have them.

-That's very kind. Thanks, mate.

0:14:350:14:38

I've had them for two years, I've had some good times with them.

0:14:380:14:41

You take them. You have them, mate. For 17. Give us 17 notes.

0:14:410:14:45

-You want how much?

-Give us 17 quid for them. Give us 17.

0:14:450:14:49

-I thought you were going to say, like, a fiver.

-They're good glasses. Perfect for your face.

0:14:490:14:53

-You genuinely look like Stevie Wonder in them.

-I've only got 20.

0:14:530:14:57

I'll give you three quid when I next see you.

0:14:570:15:00

You might as well call it 20 and I owe you a favour, or something.

0:15:000:15:04

-Get me a coffee some time.

-I'm not getting you a coffee!

0:15:040:15:07

That's ridiculous. I'll give you three quid next time I see you.

0:15:070:15:10

-I'd rather do that...

-Parking's gone up to £10 an hour.

0:15:100:15:14

-..because you're the sort of bloke, who'll go, "Oh..."

-Everything's getting too much. It's crazy.

0:15:140:15:18

-Everything's too much money.

-It's too much, I can't take it.

0:15:180:15:22

Keep the three quid. It's fine.

0:15:220:15:24

Oh, don't get all narky and start running round saying,

0:15:240:15:26

-"Terry owes me three quid."

-I'm not getting narky. You said 17,

0:15:260:15:29

-I gave you 20.

-And I said I'll give you three quid back.

0:15:290:15:33

I'm not buying you a coffee that comes to 2.95, and then we've got a stupid thing about 5p!

0:15:330:15:37

I would never have a go at you for 5p!

0:15:370:15:41

All right, stay there, I'll be 15 minutes, all right? Tops.

0:15:440:15:47

OK.

0:15:470:15:49

-Mr Jeffreys!

-Hello!

0:15:530:15:56

God, it's so hot in here! Can I just open the door here?

0:15:560:15:59

-Yes, yes, yeah.

-Get some fresh air.

-Yes, yes, yeah.

0:15:590:16:03

There we are, that's better. How are you doing?

0:16:030:16:07

Not too bad.

0:16:070:16:09

What are you doing in bed?

0:16:090:16:11

I'm in bed because I have bed sores.

0:16:110:16:14

Well, I did say to you that

0:16:140:16:16

if you stay in bed all the time, you will get bed sores.

0:16:160:16:19

Can I have a little look, just to check how they are?

0:16:190:16:23

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Are they hurting?

0:16:230:16:25

Mmm, sometimes, but not all the time.

0:16:250:16:29

See, what you need to be doing is,

0:16:290:16:31

-you need to be lying on the other side.

-Oh.

0:16:310:16:34

-Moving and changing...

-OK.

0:16:340:16:36

-..walking about, sitting on the settee.

-Yeah.

0:16:360:16:39

Let's just have a little look.

0:16:390:16:41

Right, well, the surface of the skin's not quite broken,

0:16:430:16:45

but it looks very sore.

0:16:450:16:47

-Oh, yeah.

-So you need to be really careful, OK?

-OK, yeah.

0:16:470:16:50

-To get out of bed a bit more.

-Yeah.

0:16:500:16:54

PHONE RINGS

0:16:540:16:56

Excuse me just a second.

0:16:560:16:58

Hello.

0:17:020:17:03

'Hi, yeah, Mum. Mum, I'm outside.'

0:17:030:17:06

Max, I know you're outside, I saw you a few minutes ago.

0:17:060:17:10

Hello! Look! Me! Mum! Hi! How are you doing?

0:17:100:17:13

I've just got a... I have a small problem. The baby's been sick.

0:17:130:17:17

You know it says here, "Why Iraq may be your next pick up."

0:17:180:17:22

God, I tell you what, they've not got it wrong there, mate.

0:17:220:17:25

-They've not got it wrong at all there.

-Why?

0:17:250:17:28

-I'd be going if I had a chance. If someone offered me work.

-Would you?

-Oh, yeah.

0:17:280:17:31

Why aren't you out there now?

0:17:310:17:33

I don't know anyone who lives out there. It's the land of opportunity there. Absolute land of...

0:17:330:17:37

-Iraq is a land of opportunity?

-People are...

-Have you BEEN to Iraq?

0:17:370:17:41

I wish. I have not, no.

0:17:410:17:44

It's a win-win situation, Iraq.

0:17:440:17:46

Well, you know someone out there?

0:17:460:17:49

Well, I was there once.

0:17:490:17:51

And I earned seven grand.

0:17:510:17:54

-And...

-How long were you out there for?

0:17:540:17:57

Just two weeks.

0:17:570:17:59

And you're out here driving, what, for a couple of hundred quid a week?

0:17:590:18:03

-Yeah, but, Terry, it's dangerous out there.

-Oh...

-It's dangerous.

0:18:030:18:07

It's not... I tell you what and I'll tell you here.

0:18:070:18:10

That's not you talking, that's Kim talking.

0:18:100:18:13

-That's your missus talking there.

-Yeah, but I've got kids.

0:18:130:18:16

Provide for them, then!

0:18:160:18:17

Put them through a private school with that kind of money.

0:18:170:18:20

This is the best thing I've ever heard you say. If I'm honest...

0:18:200:18:23

-You think I should go?

-Mate, if I was you, I'd be biting their hand off.

0:18:230:18:28

-It wasn't pleasant, mate.

-The thing about Iraq is, it's just like anywhere else now in the world.

0:18:280:18:32

-No, it's not.

-It is. It's the same. Everywhere's the same now.

0:18:320:18:35

You have Starbucks, Burger King... um, Harry Ramsden's.

0:18:350:18:39

-They've got a Harry Ramsden's?

-In Baghdad.

-In Baghdad?

-Yeah.

0:18:390:18:44

-They've got an English fish and chip shop?

-Mate, everywhere's the same.

0:18:440:18:48

So you haven't got to worry about where you're going to eat,

0:18:480:18:50

because all your favourites are there.

0:18:500:18:53

HE SIGHS

0:18:530:18:54

-You've had breakfast, have you?

-Oh, is it breakfast time?

0:18:540:18:57

Well, no, it's sort of nearly lunchtime.

0:18:570:19:00

Yes, it is breakfast time!

0:19:000:19:02

No, no, it's nearly lunchtime, but I just want to check that the

0:19:020:19:05

breakfast carer came and got some breakfast for you.

0:19:050:19:09

-Can you remember?

-Who is she?

0:19:090:19:10

Sheena, her name is. Blonde hair? About 25?

0:19:100:19:14

You can't remember breakfast?

0:19:140:19:16

-I'll get you a sandwich in case you get hungry and I'll get you a cup of tea, all right?

-Yes, OK, thank you.

0:19:160:19:21

-One sugar?

-One sugar, please.

-All right.

0:19:210:19:23

Stay!

0:19:300:19:32

-Mum?

-Yeah.

0:19:320:19:33

-Let's have a look.

-BABY CRIES

0:19:350:19:38

-Just get it off best you can, all right?

-OK.

0:19:380:19:41

She doesn't seem too unhappy about it.

0:19:410:19:44

Nah, she's fine.

0:19:440:19:46

PHONE RINGS, DOG WHIMPERS

0:19:460:19:49

TELEVISION ON

0:19:490:19:52

Hello.

0:19:520:19:53

Well, yes, obviously, I'm really sorry I haven't ATTAINED

0:19:550:19:59

my 12 o'clock care appointment.

0:19:590:20:01

Well, I'm running late, aren't I? Everyone's late.

0:20:020:20:05

No-one's filled in for this morning.

0:20:050:20:07

I don't even know if he's had his breakfast or not.

0:20:070:20:10

So it's not just me? Yeah, I know, I'm going, I'm going now, all right?

0:20:100:20:14

Yeah. Have you sorted my tunic request?

0:20:140:20:16

Can you do that, please? Thank you. No, I'm going to go. I'm going now.

0:20:160:20:19

I'm going now. Bye.

0:20:190:20:21

Right, Max, I'm going to go and leave you here for a bit, OK?

0:20:210:20:25

25 minutes. Be back in a little while.

0:20:250:20:29

SNORING

0:20:290:20:31

I'm so sorry.

0:20:510:20:53

ENGINE FAILS TO START

0:20:530:20:55

PHONE RINGS

0:21:020:21:04

I'm sorry, sir, that's the missus.

0:21:040:21:07

I've got to take this phone call. Do you mind? Is that all right?

0:21:070:21:10

Hello, Kim, hi, I'm POB.

0:21:120:21:14

-'The bloody car won't start, all right?'

-Yeah, I'm POB.

0:21:140:21:17

'What do you mean, you're POB? What's that?'

0:21:170:21:20

Passenger... You should know! Passenger on board!

0:21:200:21:23

Just watch your language. What's up?

0:21:230:21:25

'The car won't start. What am I going to do?'

0:21:250:21:28

What do you mean? I just had the car fixed!

0:21:280:21:30

It's not, Dave, it is not fixed.

0:21:300:21:32

I'm sitting in it and it... Honestly.

0:21:320:21:35

-Nothing's happening.

-Listen carefully.

0:21:350:21:37

Just pump the accelerator four or five times.

0:21:370:21:40

'Pump it and then turn the ignition.'

0:21:400:21:42

OK, and then try it, yeah?

0:21:420:21:45

ENGINE SPUTTERS

0:21:460:21:47

-Nothing.

-Sorry about this.

0:21:470:21:50

All right, OK, well...

0:21:500:21:52

'Look, look, I've got to get on to my next person.

0:21:520:21:55

'Can you come and pick me up?

0:21:550:21:57

'You're not that far away, I don't think. Please.'

0:21:570:21:59

I've got a passenger on board now, love.

0:21:590:22:02

TELEVISION: '..96 hours in the air, getting from London to Adelaide.'

0:22:020:22:06

DOOR SLAMS

0:22:060:22:08

God, the bloody car won't start, all right?

0:22:080:22:11

I'm just going to make a call.

0:22:110:22:13

'Now all she needs to do is convince dad Kevin Australia is where they should be.'

0:22:130:22:18

Mum.

0:22:180:22:20

Kim.

0:22:200:22:21

Your favourite daughter.

0:22:210:22:23

You all right? You... You sound a bit upset.

0:22:230:22:26

Mum, that's not possible.

0:22:300:22:33

No, he couldn't possibly have walked in through the door.

0:22:350:22:39

Dad died in 2001.

0:22:390:22:42

Oh, Mum, make yourself a cup of tea, OK?

0:22:420:22:46

-Have a sit-down.

-CAR HORN PEEPS

0:22:460:22:48

Oh, listen, I'm sorry, I've got to go.

0:22:480:22:50

-All right, all right, I'll speak to you later.

-Come on!

0:22:500:22:54

-Can you hurry up?

-Hurry up? I've got to go via the drop-off.

0:22:540:22:58

I'm so sorry about this. You don't mind, do you?

0:22:580:23:00

-Come on, get moving.

-All right, got to drop off.

-How far's that?

0:23:000:23:04

It's on the way... What's he doing here?

0:23:040:23:06

-Who?

-Hello?

-DOG WHIMPERS

0:23:060:23:08

-It's Mr Jeffreys, my patient.

-Why's he in the car?

-I don't know.

0:23:080:23:12

Didn't you even notice him getting in?

0:23:120:23:14

No, I didn't. Just get him out.

0:23:140:23:16

(Jesus Christ.)

0:23:160:23:18

I'm so sorry about this.

0:23:180:23:19

It won't be a second, sir.

0:23:190:23:22

Mr Jeffreys, I'm sorry. Please, can you come out of the car? Please?

0:23:230:23:27

-Oh...

-Watch the dog, get the dog!

0:23:270:23:29

You're not coming on the trip with us, I'm sorry.

0:23:290:23:32

Can we just... I'll just take you back to the flat, all right?

0:23:320:23:36

Well done. Mind, there's a kerb here. That's it. Brilliant.

0:23:360:23:39

DOG BARKS

0:23:390:23:41

Just had a text from the company saying that...

0:23:470:23:50

You remember that bloke who was in the car with us I had to drop off?

0:23:500:23:53

-You know, when you all piled in?

-Yeah.

0:23:530:23:55

He complained that he didn't like the fact other people got in

0:23:550:24:00

and we had a non-agreed route, so they've refunded him

0:24:000:24:03

and I'm going to get fined by the company.

0:24:030:24:07

-They're docking my pay.

-Oh, I'm sorry, that was my fault, really.

0:24:070:24:10

No, it wasn't, I love you, I'd do whatever you want.

0:24:100:24:13

-Oh, Dave, I'm really sorry. I feel terrible.

-Yoo-hoo!

0:24:130:24:15

-No, it's not your fault, don't worry.

-I feel worse now.

0:24:150:24:17

-It's only me!

-Oh, hi, Jackie.

-I'm not stopping.

-Really?

-Listen... No.

0:24:170:24:22

Did you talk to Mum?

0:24:250:24:26

Yes, might have done.

0:24:260:24:28

And?

0:24:280:24:30

I thought she seemed really great(!)

0:24:300:24:32

Oh, all right, I'm kidding.

0:24:320:24:35

All right, OK, she did seem a bit...strange.

0:24:350:24:38

-What did she say?

-She said that Dad had just come in the front door.

0:24:380:24:42

Do you see what I mean? I've had an idea.

0:24:420:24:47

Came to me this afternoon.

0:24:470:24:50

What if - obviously, with Mum's blessing - we sell...

0:24:500:24:54

SHE sells the bungalow in Basingstoke,

0:24:540:24:57

she comes to live with us.

0:24:570:24:59

Six months with me, I'll take her first, obviously! Obviously.

0:24:590:25:04

Six months with you. Or we could split it? And maybe seven with me?

0:25:040:25:07

-Whatever. With the proceeds from the bungalow...

-Oh, here we go.

0:25:070:25:11

Well, it benefits everybody!

0:25:110:25:13

Mum's not lonely, which is the most important thing.

0:25:130:25:16

We don't know how long she's got.

0:25:160:25:19

She's got some quality of life before she goes.

0:25:190:25:22

And, yes, we benefit as well, but what's wrong with that?

0:25:220:25:24

Because we're helping to look after her.

0:25:240:25:27

She would like us to see the benefit of that money. I know she would.

0:25:270:25:31

-She is alone. She'd like to spend some time with us.

-Course.

0:25:310:25:34

-You'd get to finish the extension... Hello, darling!

-Hi!

0:25:340:25:36

My little brainbox!

0:25:360:25:38

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm good.

0:25:380:25:40

I need my money for after-school club tomorrow.

0:25:400:25:42

All righty. Well, can you just grab that jar there?

0:25:420:25:46

-That's it.

-The jar full of notes that owe me money.

0:25:460:25:48

DAVE AND KIM WHISPER

0:25:480:25:51

-Let's see what we've got in here.

-Mm-hm.

-Tenner.

0:25:510:25:53

-Do you want a tenner, did you say?

-Ideally. I want to pay for tomorrow

0:25:530:25:56

-and have the money for the week after.

-Is that your IOU?

-Yes.

0:25:560:25:59

-That's Dave's IOU for sweets.

-I'll deal with that.

0:25:590:26:02

And that's mine for tights. I can probably manage about a fiver.

0:26:020:26:05

-Five, that's enough for tomorrow.

-Here you are, darling.

0:26:050:26:08

-No, Jackie, you don't have to. Seriously.

-No, no, no, no. No!

0:26:080:26:12

-Thank you, Auntie Jackie!

-My pleasure! You're welcome, darling.

-All right.

0:26:120:26:16

-You'll get that back.

-Thanks, Jacks.

-I don't want it back, Dave!

0:26:160:26:19

-I'm a bit short at the moment.

-She doesn't want it back, Dave.

0:26:190:26:22

Nothing gives me more pleasure. You know I love them kids to bits.

0:26:220:26:25

-Thanks, Jacks.

-That's very kind.

-It's no problem.

0:26:250:26:28

-Now, listen. Think about it.

-About selling Mum's house?

0:26:280:26:31

Well, you wouldn't have any of those sorts of worries, would you?

0:26:310:26:34

There'd be plenty of money in there and all the other jars.

0:26:340:26:37

Take the pressure off you, you wouldn't have to work so hard. It's just a thought.

0:26:370:26:42

-It's a good thought. Thank you very much.

-It's a good thought, isn't it?

0:26:420:26:45

Well, all lovely for us, what about you? What would you get out of it?

0:26:450:26:49

I'd get to see mum more. I don't worry about her so much.

0:26:490:26:52

Yeah, Jackie! I can really see that that motivation's uppermost...

0:26:520:26:55

We'll have a little holiday,

0:26:550:26:57

-I'll take her on a couple of little holidays.

-And?

0:26:570:26:59

I'll pay off a couple of cards, that'll be great, you know?

0:26:590:27:02

But that's not the major motivation.

0:27:020:27:04

I'm thinking of Mum and I'm thinking of you as well.

0:27:040:27:07

I just think it's worth thinking about.

0:27:070:27:09

-So I'm going to leave it there.

-That's very kind.

0:27:090:27:12

-All right, we'll have a think, thanks, Jackie. Ta-ra.

-Ta-ra.

0:27:120:27:15

Realistically, how long do you think she's got left?

0:27:220:27:26

I ain't got a clue.

0:27:260:27:28

Is that important?

0:27:280:27:30

I just want to know so I can get my head round it.

0:27:300:27:33

CLATTERING OUTSIDE

0:27:330:27:35

Oh, message from the extension there, I think!

0:27:350:27:39

-Right, I'm off.

-Blimey! Are you getting up to sort it out?

0:27:390:27:45

Erm...airport job.

0:27:450:27:47

Can't afford to say no, because of what happened today, so...

0:27:470:27:53

-See you later.

-All right, I'll see you later.

0:27:530:27:56

SHE SIGHS

0:27:560:27:58

Oh...

0:27:580:27:59

Dave!

0:28:010:28:02

Dave! Dave, hang on, hang on.

0:28:040:28:06

-Post that for me?

-Yeah, sure.

-Thanks.

-No worries. Ta-ra.

-See you.

-See you later.

0:28:080:28:12

Jackie, it's me.

0:28:290:28:31

I've had a think about it.

0:28:310:28:34

We're on.

0:28:340:28:35

# And it's getting better

0:28:350:28:38

# Growing stronger

0:28:390:28:41

# Warm and wilder

0:28:420:28:46

# Getting better every day

0:28:460:28:49

# Better every day

0:28:500:28:52

# Getting better every day

0:28:520:28:56

# It's getting better every day... #

0:28:560:28:58

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