Episode 8 Have I Got News for You


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Transcript


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This Programme Contains Some Strong Language

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Good evening, welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Kirsty Young.

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In the news this week, on the edge of the Brazilian rainforest,

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the groundsman insists that England's World Cup training ground

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is safe to practise on.

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LAUGHTER

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In a last-ditch UKIP political broadcast, Nigel Farage provides

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further evidence of foreigners using up valuable NHS resources.

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And there are one or two teething problems

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with the newly designed uniform

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for Switzerland's elite armed response unit.

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LAUGHTER

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On Ian's team tonight is a comedian whose own show on Dave

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involved him riding around the UK on his motorbike

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whilst people on Twitter told him where to go.

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That's Twitter for you. Please welcome Ross Noble.

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APPLAUSE

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And with Paul tonight, someone whose poems are now being taught

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in the GCSE curriculum currently under review by Michael Gove.

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Twat.

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Is the name of one of his poems. Please welcome John Cooper Clarke.

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APPLAUSE

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And we start with the big European election stories of the week.

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Ian and Ross, take a look at this.

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That's the new Godzilla film there.

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Rarr! I will destroy the whole of Britain!

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Oh, a couple there sneaking out of the toilets, by the looks of things.

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Oh, this is the main parties

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who've woken up to the fact that there is an election

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one day before it started.

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-And that UKIP might win it.

-He's buying everyone flowers.

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He's going, "Go on, just a couple of votes. Go on.

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"Sniff 'em."

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-Yes.

-That's his slogan. "Labour, go on, sniff 'em."

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This is the news indeed that the Euro election is finally here.

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Various questions have been asked in various polls

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of the electorate recently.

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Which leader looks the most weird, all that sort of stuff.

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But which question in a recent poll in the Mirror

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had 38 percent of the people who were asked agreeing with it?

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-Are you going to vote?

-No, it was...

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-38 percent?

-Yes.

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How has the Bulgarian political scientist Ivan Kratsev

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described the European Union?

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And these could be words from maybe one of your poems, John.

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-IMITATES JOHN'S ACCENT:

-A total waste of time.

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That was John Cooper Clarke.

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I thought that was you doing Bulgarian.

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No, no. That was Liverpudlian.

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-IMITATES JOHN: Welcome to Bulgaria.

-No.

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Ivan Kratsev actually said it was...

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That is my style, sclerotic. Cos I'm a doctor now.

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-Are you an honorary doctor?

-Are you able to operate on people?

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Oh, absolutely.

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Can you have a look at my feet after this?

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I'm more of an ears, nose and throat guy.

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After the arrival this week of this new spin doctor,

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David Axelrod, did Ed Miliband enjoy

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a successful, gaffe-free final week of campaigning?

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No, he had a disastrous week.

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He went on local radio, Radio Wiltshire?

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And the DJ asked him about the local Labour leader on the council.

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And Miliband didn't know who it was, but he pretended he did.

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For people who haven't had the pleasure, I think

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we should maybe listen again to this.

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-What do you make of Jim Grant?

-I beg your pardon.

-Jim Grant.

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Do you think he's doing a good job?

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I think that lots of Labour representatives are doing

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a good job right across the country.

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-And, er...

-You do know who Jim Grant is, Mr Miliband?

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-Well, you would enlighten me, I'm sure.

-Swindon Labour leader.

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Yes, I think he's doing a good job and I think...

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Will he feel you support him enough if you don't even know his name?

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He's doing a good job as leader of the council, Jim is.

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And I think that's the case.

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But he's not the leader of the council, is he, Mr Miliband?

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It's a Conservative-led council.

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No, I think he's doing a good job for Labour on the council.

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-Fantastic.

-Do you think he's going for the sympathy vote?

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-Who was the guy in the hoodie?

-That was the Wiltshire DJ.

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He looks like that guy that walks out of that open prison with the teeth...

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He's the DJ, though you obviously think he's Mr Skull Cracker.

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That's it, Skull Cracker.

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- Hang on, a professional... - No, not him.

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-I'm sure it was something like the Tooth Puller or...

-Oh, right.

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Sarcastic Dave.

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Call this a sub post office?!

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No, it's very sad. That was one incident, then he had another one.

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Yes, he did, which was concerning...

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-He didn't know how much bread costs.

-Who does? How much?

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Mr Warburton. You ask him, any size loaf, bang, straightaway. Like that.

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No, 80 quid, wasn't it? He said he spent 80 quid.

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He was put under some tough forensic questioning

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when he appeared on ITV's Good Morning Britain.

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He was asked how much he spent a week on groceries.

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And Ed Miliband said...

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That was just on the essentials.

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That's just one loaf of bread and one thing of milk.

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And the bloke on the market, he goes, "Miliband's coming. £80, please."

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The Good Morning Britain interview that started everything off,

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it did have a good start.

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Ed Miliband was trailed at the top of the show.

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See if you can spot the moment that he remembered

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Axelrod's instruction to smile.

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Will Ed Miliband survive as leader?

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We'll ask him why half of Labour voters think

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he's the wrong man for the job.

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He's not a natural, is he?

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And then he tries to look a bit pouty and sexy as well,

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which is a worry.

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It's right at the moment when they say,

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"Will he survive as leader?" And even he laughs.

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I've been away all week, Kirsty, and...

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what was that about Axl Rose telling him...?

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It would probably be more use, the week he's had.

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John, you've been in Ireland,

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how excited are they about the European elections?

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They don't give a monkey's.

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I didn't see word one about it, frankly.

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But they've got their own elections going on

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and they're amazingly old school about it.

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It's all posters nailed to lamp-posts.

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Guys in their best...you know, trying to look trustworthy.

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-But they all seem to fail, don't they?

-They all look like

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they should have "Dead or alive" underneath them.

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Who's re-emerged into the spotlight after four years away?

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Vincent Price.

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Chaka Khan, is it Chaka Khan? Chaka Khan?

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I only wish that were true.

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It is Gillian Duffy, the woman previously...

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ROSS: Oh, the bigot woman.

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Who was previously accused by Gordon Brown of being a bigot.

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Of course, she's not a bigot.

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ROSS: She's got the look of a bigot, though.

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LAUGHTER

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Just... in my opinion.

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I don't think that's quite enough to save you, I'm afraid.

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The Daily Telegraph did an interview with her reporting that she regards Ed Miliband as...

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She said...

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And the triumphant conclusion of the Telegraph interview was...

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So this is Ed Miliband's latest most terrible week.

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On Radio Wiltshire he didn't know the identity of...

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Nick Clegg would never be caught out not knowing

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the names of Lib Dem councillors, he's personally met

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both of them.

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The Times interviewed celebrity hairdresser Charlotte Cave

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who cuts Ed Miliband's hair.

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Her description...

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As for his hair we have no idea.

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Paul and John, take a look at this.

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Right, OK.

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Somebody keeping warm by burning the European flag.

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"Er, I bought a wardrobe, I could not get it up the stairs."

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"I tried, I tried. I could not get it up the stairs.

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"It must have been Romanian, I could not get it up the stairs."

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That would seem to be some candidate groping people in the shopping arcade.

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-So, it's European elections and all that stuff.

-Yep.

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-Particularly it's Nigel Farage.

-Nigel Farage.

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-Last big election push.

-He had a carnival cos he thought -

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-"If everyone says I'm racist I'll have a really successful carnival in London."

-Yes.

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-Well, in Croydon.

-Yeah...

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-And it didn't go so well.

-Didn't it?

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-No.

-Why not?

-The Croydon Carnivalll...?!

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Surely, not(!)

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Was there trouble coming in from Purley?

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What happened about it?

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-His basic idea was that he'd hired a steel band.

-Yeah.

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He thought that was multicultural. And they turned up and said -

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"God, we're not performing for UKIP." And they went off.

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And then that bloke, Winston McKenzie

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described Croydon as "a dump..."

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And he was going to personally move to another country?

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Some anti-UKIP protestors turned up because they had heard that

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Nigel Farage was going to be there. And then they started haranguing all the carnival organisers

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and when Farage didn't arrive, according to the Mail...

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Now the name Winston McKenzie made me wonder

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as you might imagine it would whether or not we wanted

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to have a little quiz about some other famous McKenzies?

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-Yeah!

-Who is this?

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-Oh, that's Precious McKenzie...

-Yes!

-..a weightlifter on Blue Peter.

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Yes, it is! It's little tiny British weightlifter...

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-ROSS: Did he?

-Yes, 1970s, 1960s, he was only 5'1" but always lifting

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huge things like the Blue Peter studio on his shoulders.

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Running to Wigan with it and back.

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Here is talented '70s footballer Duncan McKenzie.

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Can you tell me one of his two special powers?

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Oh, yeah, throwing golf balls the length of a football pitch

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and jumping over cars! There he is!

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At last this programme has found my metier!

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I'm happy.

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-It's a topical news quiz for Paul's childhood!

-Yeah!

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As you say, Paul, he could throw a golf ball 125 yards, let's just take a look...

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BRIAN MOORE: And on bleak morning at Elland Road last week in his street clothes

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and with a slightly strained right shoulder

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he still produced a throw there of some 111 yards.

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ROSS: That's the only clip from 1970s television

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you're still allowed to play on the BBC.

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Now, originally this started as a UKIP question -

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why have the main parties decided to stop calling UKIP racist?

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-Cos it just encourages the voters.

-JOHN: That's right.

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Every time they say - "Well, he's a bit of a racist", there's this poll and it just goes up.

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People thinking, "Yeah, bit of a racist, yeah, that's for me, then.

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-"That's my vote."

-Well, according to the Guardian, the public don't

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actually think it's true but every time it happens...

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UKIP's rating does go up.

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And what was it, particularly, that Nigel Farage, said in that

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very rumbustious interview about Romanians?

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If they moved in next door -

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if just men, that's what he said

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they'd have a problem with just Romanian men.

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And the interviewer said - "What if it was, like, German children?"

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He said that was fine but then it was just Romanian MEN!

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# Hallelujah it's... #

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And he broke into song and he ripped off his thing...

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HE HUMS TUNE

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And it turned out he had a spangly outfit on underneath.

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Purple spangles - who knew?

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How did Farage then try to backtrack on what he'd said?

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About Romanians? The day after the interview.

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He said he'd been a bit tired. He's just a bit over tired.

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Yeah, that's exactly what he said...

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The form of words, presumably, he would have liked to have used is

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"They're all a bunch of thieving gypos", I would imagine.

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Of course, we shouldn't forget that there is another party on the right...

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the Conservative Party. What was David Cameron up to in the latter

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-stages of his European campaigning this week?

-He went on a walkabout with Boris.

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He thought - "If we're going to have a nutter- vote, I'm going to have some of it."

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In fact, at one point on his little walkabout they actually sat down

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and he was photographed waiting for a train with Boris.

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-Really?

-Yes.

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Interesting contrast in body language.

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One seems to be ready and waiting for any opportunity

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that might come along...

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and the other one remembers he's a married man.

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ROSS: It's a very long tie Boris has got on there, isn't it?

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Shouldn't it stop, like, above the gentleman's area?

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No, it's clipped to the bottom with a padlock!

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This is Nigel Farage, who failed to turn up for a

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UKIP event in Croydon.

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Nigel Farage didn't turn up at the UKIP rally in south London

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where there were ugly scenes...

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Now, that's either a protestor in Croydon, or his driver at Gatwick,

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waiting to pick him up.

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A good portion of the country only know the European elections

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are happening because of all the cheaply-printed leaflets

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that are being shoved through their letter box,

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which could well lead to one seat in the European Parliament

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going to Margherita Crusty-Base of the Pizza Hut Party.

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I did a Domino's Pizza advert five years ago.

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Oh, missed that one... it's chips I like.

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I'll tell you when it was. It was at the beginning of the threatened swine flu pandemic.

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And I thought - "There's never been a better time to endorse pizzas."

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I'd seen all the scare stories on the TV

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about how the hospitals would be overloaded

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and every family in this country, they said,

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would be nursing their precious family member at home

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with this highly contagious, possibly life-threatening virus.

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And I thought, "Well, there's not many nourishing meals

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"you can slide under the door."

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Couldn't have done it at a better time.

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It's on now to Round Two, the Picture Spin quiz.

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Fingers on buzzers, teams.

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BUZZER

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It's a football, it's a candle, it's a birthday cake.

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Yaya Toure, Manchester City player,

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got very upset because nobody bought him a birthday cake for his birthday

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and he now wants to get a transfer.

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-Is that true?

-Yeah, course it is.

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-You don't think I'm making it up?

-It's almost true.

-Almost true.

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As you say, the argument actually began...

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-They did get him a birthday cake.

-Yeah.

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But apparently, that just wasn't good enough,

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because Yaya's agent, Dimitri Seluk, pointed out...

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That is revolting.

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-You can rent them, though.

-Yes.

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Do you know how much Yaya Toure is reputed to be paid?

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Is it £70 a week?

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Is it enough to buy some groceries for the Milibands?

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Round about 220 grand a week.

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-Right.

-So he can afford a cake.

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He could buy Greggs.

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-Every branch.

-Every branch.

-Every branch.

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APPLAUSE

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David Cameron has waded into the world of football this week.

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Who did he say he would have sacked, were he able?

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Richard Scudamore.

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Yeah, exactly, the head of the Premier League,

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after e-mail exchanges between Scudamore

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and his lawyer friend Nick West were leaked to the Sunday Mirror.

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Who was it that leapt to Mr Scudamore's defence?

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John Inverdale.

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ROSS: Jim Davidson?

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-It was West Ham vice chair Karren Brady.

-Oh, yes.

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She defended Scudamore, saying...

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And she should know, working for a club owned by two men

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who made their fortune selling...

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ROSS: To be fair, though,

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Hardcore Housewives could just be housewives

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that like to get a lot done.

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You know what I mean?

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They could just be...

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-Not just their house. Other people's.

-Exactly.

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"That's not clean. I'm sorry, I'm not picking the kids up till that's clean."

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I prefer your world.

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Although you would be disappointed if you got Hardcore Housewives

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and flicked through - "Blimey, everything's very clean in this."

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Which would-be poet is likely to lose their job this week?

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Is it the baker? The cheeky baker...

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-It is the cheeky baker.

-..who's been the bored baker.

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He's been putting these haikus

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in packets of biscuits in branches of Sainsbury's.

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We'll take a look at them.

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Yeah, that's a haiku, that, innit?

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The next one...

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Hey, he's good. He's on fire.

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Yeah.

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What do you make of this one, John?

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AUDIENCE GROANS AND LAUGHS

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-That's good news from the guy who's baking your stuff.

-Yes - reassuring.

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Who knew he was an incurable romantic?

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-What are the rules?

-Got to be three lines.

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Five-seven-five syllables. Like this one...

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"Smarter men than I

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"Have been total idiots

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"I've met them all."

0:18:410:18:43

Or, "To freeze the moment

0:18:450:18:46

"In 17 syllables

0:18:460:18:48

"Is very diffic..."

0:18:480:18:49

That's the one that I'm most known for.

0:18:510:18:53

APPLAUSE

0:18:530:18:55

This is Yaya Toure and the furore about his...

0:18:570:19:00

Was that a haiku you just did? Was there a rhyme in there?

0:19:000:19:04

-No, there's no rhyme in it.

-Oh, there's no rhymes.

0:19:040:19:06

-Can you do that one again as a limerick?

-Yeah.

0:19:060:19:09

-Yaya Toure had a bit of a furore...

-Who set off a furore.

0:19:090:19:13

-He wanted a cake...

-But a terrible mistake...

0:19:130:19:16

They said, "This is a rubbish story."

0:19:180:19:20

Boom!

0:19:210:19:23

APPLAUSE

0:19:230:19:25

That was like a posh version of 8 Mile.

0:19:250:19:27

This is Yaya Toure and the furore...

0:19:300:19:32

See what I mean?

0:19:320:19:33

This is Yaya Toure

0:19:360:19:38

and the stramash about his disappointing 31st birthday party...

0:19:380:19:41

JOHN: Oh, you're good.

0:19:450:19:46

..where, apparently, he celebrated being six years old.

0:19:460:19:50

Manchester City have tried to make amends

0:19:500:19:52

by buying him a princess outfit.

0:19:520:19:54

Right, fingers on buzzers, teams.

0:19:560:19:58

BUZZER

0:20:020:20:03

Theresa May - she's taken off the helmet part.

0:20:030:20:06

She's terrified of the police.

0:20:100:20:11

She gave a speech to the Police Federation,

0:20:110:20:13

saying, "We're going to cut off all your money.

0:20:130:20:15

"You're absolutely useless and you need reform

0:20:150:20:17

"and we're not asking you, we're telling you."

0:20:170:20:19

And usually, the Tories, they go to the police events

0:20:190:20:22

and everyone claps and they say,

0:20:220:20:23

"You're marvellous and we need more of you on the beat."

0:20:230:20:26

And she just said, "You're rubbish."

0:20:260:20:28

And they all said, "Oh! Police brutality!"

0:20:280:20:30

What measures precisely did Theresa May say

0:20:340:20:36

had already been taken against the Police Federation?

0:20:360:20:39

-Well, they've cut their money.

-Yeah - £190,000 has been cut.

0:20:390:20:43

-Well, they're sitting on a vast pile of money.

-Yeah.

0:20:430:20:45

Some of which they use to sue satirical magazines

0:20:450:20:48

who write things about the police.

0:20:480:20:49

What is that frock? I can't get past it.

0:20:500:20:54

Is she standing in it?

0:20:540:20:55

She's worried that she's going to be tasered.

0:20:580:21:00

ROSS: If you...if you look at it from the other side,

0:21:010:21:04

she's actually holding both of them by the throat.

0:21:040:21:07

Theresa May's speech was met with anger by the Police Federation.

0:21:100:21:13

She was forced to leave the conference hall

0:21:130:21:15

through the delivery entrance at the back,

0:21:150:21:17

otherwise known as the "Pleb Gate".

0:21:170:21:19

OK, fingers on buzzers, teams.

0:21:220:21:24

Berlusconi appeared on Newsnight.

0:21:290:21:32

And Jeremy Paxman asked him a series of quite rude questions.

0:21:320:21:35

This, weirdly, all took place at the Chelsea Flower Show.

0:21:350:21:38

In the Bunga Bunga Garden.

0:21:390:21:41

LAUGHTER

0:21:410:21:43

You can tell his hair's been sprayed for greenfly, anyway, looking at it.

0:21:430:21:47

So, yes, this is Jeremy Paxman's rather fruity interview

0:21:500:21:53

with Silvio Berlusconi.

0:21:530:21:54

Let's take a little look.

0:21:540:21:55

Do you have a particular problem with Angela Merkel?

0:21:550:21:59

Is it true you called her an unfuckable lard arse?

0:21:590:22:02

LAUGHTER

0:22:020:22:05

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

0:22:050:22:07

HE SPEAKS ITALIAN

0:22:090:22:11

No, I have never had any problems with Angela Merkel.

0:22:110:22:15

In 20 years of politics, I have never insulted anyone.

0:22:150:22:20

LAUGHTER

0:22:200:22:22

Is that really what he said?

0:22:220:22:24

Cos, judging by his hands there, I think he was going,

0:22:240:22:27

"Yes, I love it, it's a big lard arse!

0:22:270:22:30

"If anything, it is the most fuckable thing ever!

0:22:300:22:33

"Oo-er!"

0:22:330:22:35

And the translator's going, "No, I never did that.

0:22:350:22:38

"Um, I've never insulted her."

0:22:380:22:41

And he's loving it!

0:22:410:22:43

He's squeezing all the time!

0:22:430:22:46

Look at him there! Look at him!

0:22:460:22:48

LAUGHTER

0:22:480:22:51

Jeremy Paxman does have the air of a man who's not

0:22:520:22:54

staying around for much longer, is he?

0:22:540:22:56

In the programme, I meant.

0:22:560:22:58

-It's a bit demob happy, isn't it?

-Yes.

0:22:580:23:00

"Last day, I'd say anything. I know, I'll say..."

0:23:000:23:04

LAUGHTER

0:23:040:23:06

Go on!

0:23:060:23:07

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:23:070:23:09

-No! No!

-No!

-No!

0:23:090:23:12

It'd be like finding out that entertainers from

0:23:120:23:14

your childhood were sort of...no, no, forget it.

0:23:140:23:17

APPLAUSE

0:23:170:23:19

So, we saw Berlusconi there claim that he's never insulted anybody

0:23:220:23:26

in his 20 political years. Um, does anyone believe that?

0:23:260:23:30

No, it's a complete lie!

0:23:300:23:31

Let's just look at the insult he threw at Obama. He said...

0:23:310:23:36

GASPING

0:23:430:23:45

He insulted gay people. He said...

0:23:450:23:48

And he insulted all Italians. He said...

0:23:510:23:55

LAUGHTER

0:23:570:23:59

You know what his next job is?

0:23:590:24:02

He's standing for UKIP!

0:24:020:24:03

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:24:030:24:06

I don't know if you noticed this week, but Jeremy Paxman

0:24:060:24:09

thanked his production team for his leaving gift.

0:24:090:24:11

It was a lifelike ventriloquist's dummy.

0:24:110:24:15

LAUGHTER

0:24:150:24:17

It's time now for Missing Words Round,

0:24:200:24:22

which, this week, features as its guest publication,

0:24:220:24:25

The British Sundial Society Bulletin.

0:24:250:24:28

And we start with...

0:24:280:24:30

-Worst seaside resort.

-Yeah.

0:24:330:24:34

LAUGHTER

0:24:350:24:38

It's conscience.

0:24:380:24:40

LAUGHTER

0:24:400:24:42

The answer is...

0:24:420:24:44

LAUGHTER

0:24:460:24:47

This is according to Miley Cyrus. Next...

0:24:470:24:50

Offered to dress up as a bull

0:24:520:24:55

and fight a matador.

0:24:550:24:56

Or a part in The Archers.

0:24:560:24:59

He's got a new song, "Heaven Knows I Miss Arable Farming Now."

0:24:590:25:02

LAUGHTER

0:25:020:25:04

That was a really good joke.

0:25:040:25:06

-Hmm.

-Never mind.

0:25:060:25:08

LAUGHTER

0:25:080:25:09

-"This Farming Man."

-"This Farming Man."

-There you go.

0:25:090:25:12

"Girlfriend In Kramer."

0:25:120:25:14

LAUGHTER

0:25:140:25:15

These are bloody good jokes.

0:25:150:25:17

LAUGHTER

0:25:170:25:18

But not in this lifetime!

0:25:180:25:20

You said the answer, which was...

0:25:210:25:23

Hmm. I wonder if that could lead

0:25:240:25:26

to some Morrissey punned farming jokes.

0:25:260:25:28

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:25:280:25:30

It's been announced this week that Morrissey has been invited to

0:25:320:25:36

join the cast of The Archers.

0:25:360:25:37

Not much is known about the character,

0:25:370:25:39

but he will come from the nearby village of Umbrage.

0:25:390:25:42

-LAUGHTER

-And finally...

0:25:420:25:45

As you might expect.

0:25:520:25:53

LAUGHTER

0:25:530:25:56

Oh, hang on! 250-mile round trip.

0:25:580:26:01

Is this some sort of Proclaimers 500 miles?

0:26:010:26:04

-Yes.

-Is it?

-Oh, Proclaimer puns!

0:26:040:26:07

Here we go! It's on!

0:26:070:26:10

# And I would milk 500 cows... #

0:26:100:26:12

LAUGHTER

0:26:120:26:14

# You would walk 500... # Oh, you like that one!

0:26:140:26:17

-You like that! At last!

-APPLAUSE

0:26:170:26:20

# In my field I've grown some

0:26:200:26:23

# Lettuce from America! #

0:26:230:26:25

Shut your face! Shut your faces!

0:26:250:26:28

The answer is...

0:26:280:26:30

LAUGHTER

0:26:330:26:35

-Now, here is the pedestal without the sundial.

-Yeah.

0:26:350:26:38

Although, an expert would still be able to tell what the time is.

0:26:380:26:42

LAUGHTER

0:26:420:26:44

So, the final scores are...

0:26:440:26:47

-Ooh! Paul and John have got four.

-Yay!

0:26:470:26:51

Ian and Ross have got nine.

0:26:510:26:52

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

0:26:520:26:55

But, before we go, there is just time for the caption competition.

0:27:000:27:04

Apparently, house prices are going up.

0:27:040:27:07

LAUGHTER

0:27:070:27:09

Or could be mouse prices!

0:27:090:27:10

Eh...

0:27:100:27:12

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:27:120:27:15

He's reading a tiny copy of the Daily Mail and it says,

0:27:160:27:19

"Loads of Brown Rats Are Coming!"

0:27:190:27:21

LAUGHTER

0:27:210:27:23

Oh, no! He's got a Welsh paper, a Swansea Chronicle.

0:27:260:27:28

He's missing his wife called Mabel, put the thing in the paper,

0:27:280:27:31

"Have you seen this woman?

0:27:310:27:32

"Heavens knows I'm missing Mabel now!"

0:27:320:27:35

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:27:350:27:36

And I leave you with news that, after Nick Clegg asks for

0:27:400:27:44

his document on new coalition policy ideas back

0:27:440:27:47

so he can made a few more additions,

0:27:470:27:49

David Cameron sends a researcher

0:27:490:27:51

to fetch them from the filing system.

0:27:510:27:54

LAUGHTER

0:27:540:27:57

A parent at a Pyongyang nursery school looks on powerless

0:27:570:28:01

as his son blurts out,

0:28:010:28:03

"Daddy calls you the fat man"

0:28:030:28:05

LAUGHTER

0:28:050:28:07

And at a polling station in Bromley,

0:28:100:28:12

an unexpected turnout prevents Nigel Farage

0:28:120:28:15

from casting his vote.

0:28:150:28:17

LAUGHTER

0:28:170:28:19

Good night.

0:28:220:28:24

APPLAUSE

0:28:240:28:25

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