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Wow, Moz, you are something pretty special. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
Oh, my God, so are you, Kara. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
I'm so glad Brian introduced us. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
Yeah, I know. I don't normally go in that bar. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
It must be destiny. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
This programme contains strong language | 0:00:20 | 0:00:26 | |
Shagging you is like shagging a god. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
Buddha? | 0:00:34 | 0:00:35 | |
No. One of the fit gods. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
You all right, mate? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
All good, mate. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:44 | |
Here you are, get on that. It's just neat. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
Nicely, nicely. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:53 | |
Anyone fancy cheese on toast? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
-You read me like a book. -Could you cut the crusts off mine, please, Paul? | 0:00:57 | 0:01:01 | |
No problem, love. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
Ooh, and me. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:04 | |
Tell you what. I'll cut the crust off the whole loaf. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
Cheers, Paul. You're a mate. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
He's a good lad, isn't he? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Then Paul Weller brings back the cheese on toast and we all tuck in. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:22 | |
Right. Cos my perfect night in would be very different. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:27 | |
Yeah? | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
Oh, yeah. I'd be in bed with Carmel. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
But I'd have Liam Gallagher round to make us some fish fingers. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:35 | |
That's the same night! | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
No. It's completely different. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
You're not there, Paul Weller's not there, | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
Kara Tointon's not there - it's just me and Carmel. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
And Liam. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
And Liam's brought fish fingers. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
HE SLURPS | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
Actually...thinking about it, | 0:02:05 | 0:02:10 | |
the whole Moz-Weller-Tointon triangle ain't really me perfect night. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:14 | |
It'd just be me and Jenny, having a bong, a laugh and a cuddle. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:23 | |
That's not going to happen, though, is it? She dumped you. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
Yeah, I know. But we could get back together. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
Let's face it, it's more likely than the Modfather making us cheese on. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:34 | |
-I love that woman. -I still can't believe Carmel's gone, either. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
Me and her were a perfect match. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
Everybody said so. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:47 | |
Did they? I didn't. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
Yeah, but you thought it. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
No, I didn't. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:54 | |
You did. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
We were a perfect match. | 0:02:56 | 0:03:00 | |
How were you a perfect match? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
Carmel's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
Whereas you're just the Chuckle Brother that time forgot. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Looking back, maybe I didn't appreciate what I had. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:13 | |
I'm going home to try on my all new lingerie. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
-Do you want to come and watch? -Er... | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
No, ta. I'm off to t'caff for a meat pie. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
And do you know, when I got down there, | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
all the meat pies had sold out. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
You're breaking me heart here. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
But you see, that's where we're totally different. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
I knew. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
I knew exactly what I had when I had Jenny. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
I mean, course, everyone kept telling me she were a big imbecile. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
Turns out she were totally on my level. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:51 | |
Maybe that's because you're an imbecile as well. Had you considered that? | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
I've never considered anything. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
GLASS SMASHES | 0:04:05 | 0:04:06 | |
All right, kitten? | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
Oh, hello, love. The packing's pretty much finished. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:15 | |
Smashing. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:16 | |
Our own warden-assisted flat, eh? It's going be like living in a tiny palace. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
What's that I can smell? Kentucky Fried Chicken? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
No, it's mouse. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Oh, Keith, we haven't got any traps. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
No need. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:31 | |
I've got him his own cage, with all the amenities - wheel, mirror, | 0:04:31 | 0:04:36 | |
mild and mature Cheddar. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
Oh! All right for some. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
This isn't any mouse, Carol. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
Dodgy Darren got him from the university testing lab. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Well, I hope he isn't a smoker. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
No, he's growing me a new ear. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
Won't you look a bit stupid with one normal ear and one mouse ear? | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
No, Carol. He's growing me a human ear. He's not an idiot. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:59 | |
I'm going to call him...Bug-a-lugs. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
Do you think he'd grow me a couple of eyes? | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
In me soul, I know Jenny was the one. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:14 | |
The one what? | 0:05:16 | 0:05:17 | |
The one one, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
like Carmel's your one one. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
Your only chance at true happiness. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
Oi! I could still find true happiness. I'm on probation. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
Nah, mate. Your life's just peaked. Now it's... | 0:05:30 | 0:05:35 | |
peeeow... BLOWS RASPBERRY | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
I'm only telling you what you don't want to hear. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:41 | |
I know, so shut up! | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
DOOR BUZZER | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
Hello? | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
'Hi, it's Brian.' | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
Ah, Brian. I wasn't expecting you again. | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
'Shall I just head on up?' | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
OK, sure. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:03 | |
Hi, what a surprise. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
Aren't I scrummy? | 0:06:14 | 0:06:15 | |
You bought another outfit. ..Listen, I'm very busy. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
I could easily spend all me money down your shop. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:21 | |
It'd be like when Pokemon first came out. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
What's this?! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Oh! Wow! | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
I love faggy stuff. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:29 | |
It's designed as day wear for the Anti-Arcadia. I'm pleased with it. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
You should be. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:34 | |
It's for a new line I'm doing called Total Stub-mission. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
Anyhoo, I'm trying to get it finished, so... | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
I'd love to watch you work. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
Oh, no, no, no. I can't let people watch me work. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
I get distracted by their auras. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:46 | |
Time for a break, then. I'll stick t'kettle on. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
-Hey, you know what's coming up, don't you? -What? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
Valentine's Day. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
It's the perfect excuse to launch an all-out assault on women. | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:01 | |
Don't you worry, I'll get her back. What's the alternative, eh? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:05 | |
Sitting round on me arse? | 0:07:05 | 0:07:06 | |
Fancy a pizza? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
Ooh, yeah. I HAVE got a bit of a food horn on. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:12 | |
How about that place over the road? | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
Mussolini's? I think they might be fascists. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
What? No... "Mussolini" is a common enough name in Italy. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:22 | |
That's you showing your prejudice, you name Nazi. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
Do you really think I could get Carmel back? | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
Definitely. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:30 | |
She's not shagging anyone else, is she? | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Well, only in a professional capacity. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
You know, four or five blokes a day. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
Well... | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
I'm sure they haven't got anything that you haven't... | 0:07:41 | 0:07:45 | |
already got. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:46 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
Howdo, fella. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
Ah, it's the thick blue line. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
You all right? I'm all right? | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
Jenny, what have you done? You're not... | 0:08:47 | 0:08:51 | |
I am the law. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
Jenny's working as a community police officer. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
I've been cautioning folk, I've been doing off-the-spot fines. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:02 | |
And, erm, what's that one that you do with the handcuffs? | 0:09:02 | 0:09:06 | |
Arresting. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
Yeah, I'm all about the arresting, me. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
Good news. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
I'll just use your lavvy. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:14 | |
Careful with your water cannon. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
Are you wearing glittery eye shadow? | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
No. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
I think your stuff is so fantastic. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
Thank you, but I really oughta be... | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
-Much better known. -Well, yeah. I guess. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
But I AM known, and the people who know me, know me a lot, so... | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
But I think people should be forced to have heard of you. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
I mean, I don't want to come across as sycophantic, | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
cos I know you're totally amazing and you'd really hate that. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
Yes, I am. And I would. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
This is difficult for me to say and I want you to take this as a friend. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
Really? Wow! | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
Oh! | 0:10:01 | 0:10:02 | |
Massive thankers. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
-Massive thankers. -Right back at you. Now I need to... | 0:10:06 | 0:10:10 | |
Least I can do is make you another pot of tea. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
I miss you so much. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
I don't want to talk about this while I'm on duty. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:30 | |
God, I can't believe you've become a bloody hobby bobby! | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
You were the one who stopped me from being a lap dancer. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
Well, there are other careers! | 0:10:37 | 0:10:38 | |
It ain't a binary thing - police woman OR lap dancer! | 0:10:38 | 0:10:43 | |
You've gone straight from filth to filth! | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
If you really love me, how come you're shouting at me? | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
Is it cos you're a miss-sausage-ist? | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
I'm not a miss-sausage-ist! | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
Jenny, I love you. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
And sausages. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
I want you back. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
Stop it, or I will arrest you. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:07 | |
Look, Jenny, I want to give you something. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:13 | |
I'd give it 50 minutes, if I were you. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
-I thought you said use it, not abuse it. -I'm only joking. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:22 | |
35, tops. Hey, you'd best be going, you. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
Jen's going out solo tonight. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
Last time, I mislaid me Tizer. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
-Taser. -Taser. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
At last, a real rain has come to wash the scum off the streets(!) | 0:11:35 | 0:11:39 | |
Come on. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:44 | |
But... | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
-Sticky black. You'll easily sell it. -Yeah. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:11 | |
And when we sell it, it stays sold. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
Great. Off you go, then. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:18 | |
'Scuse, you got a light on you? | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
See you around, yeah? | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
KNOCK AT DOOR | 0:13:03 | 0:13:04 | |
-Jess! -All right, sis? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
Come in. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:14 | |
-Did you win Jenny back, then? -I tried. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:24 | |
But she threatened to arrest me. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
I've been thinking, | 0:13:26 | 0:13:27 | |
I need to recreate the circumstances of when we first got together. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:31 | |
What were they, then? | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
She'd drunk a bottle of vodka and I'd had ten bongs. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Still, who's to say it can't happen again, eh? | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
I knew it! They ARE fascists! | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
Look what they've done to our extra anchovies. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
Bastards! I've good mind to throw this away. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
Really? | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
No. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:54 | |
Good. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:55 | |
But it doesn't mean I've not got principles. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
Just cos I'm prepared to eat an extremely salty swastika. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:01 | |
KNOCK AT DOOR | 0:14:04 | 0:14:05 | |
-Tania! You all right? -Moz... | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
What's the matter? | 0:14:10 | 0:14:11 | |
-BREATHLESSLY: -I've been rob... -You've been robbed? | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
I've been... | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
robbing. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:20 | |
That makes far more sense. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
-There's this amazing shop opened called Bag Lady. -Ah! | 0:14:22 | 0:14:27 | |
I tell you, their security guard's a right good runner. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:31 | |
So glad I wore me flats. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
I thought shops kept these kind of bags chained up together like huskies. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:38 | |
-Oxyacetylene. -Lateral thinking. Like it. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:43 | |
Oh well, you're safe now. Panic over. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:48 | |
Psycho Paul! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
Tania. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:55 | |
I been sta-a-a-abbed! | 0:14:55 | 0:14:59 | |
So, what brings you to Manchester? Lust for glory? | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
Mum was doing my head in. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:12 | |
Aw, Mum's lovely. It's not her fault she's in a wheelchair. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
Now Mum's lovely. When you were living at home, she was "The Cardiff Davros". | 0:15:15 | 0:15:20 | |
-So, you moving in with your fella? -Marek's gone back to Cyprus. His forged visa ran out. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:26 | |
Aw, that's a shame. He seemed nice. Apart from y'know, his two...things. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:32 | |
I'll get a new bloke, easy. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
-But until then, I thought I could stay here...? -Oh. Did you? | 0:15:34 | 0:15:40 | |
Two weeks, max. I'll find someone with somewhere by then. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
Saw a good-looking bloke on your landing. Dead lean. Nice eyes. Quite big ears. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:48 | |
-Cartoon Head? -Didn't catch his name. Grey face? | 0:15:48 | 0:15:52 | |
-You stay away from Cartoon Head. He's pure evil. -Ooh. Sounds like a laugh. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:58 | |
All right, all right. OMFG, it's like living with Mum. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:03 | |
-I'll phone an ambulance. -No. Ambulances are for poofs. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:12 | |
No, you're thinking of Fiat Puntos. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
-Phone Rainbow. -Rainbow? -Good idea. She's a paramedic. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:24 | |
She'll know what to do. Phone Rainbow and...I'll phone Jenny. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:30 | |
DIALLING TONE | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
-'Hiya, Paul.' -It's Tania. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
'What?' | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
Listen, Rainbow, you have to come to Moz's straight away, cos... | 0:16:43 | 0:16:48 | |
cos Paul's been stabbed. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
'What? Did you do it?' | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
No, I didn't do it. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
-JENNY: -'What d'you want, Moz?' | 0:16:55 | 0:16:56 | |
Jenny, I want you to come over. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
'I can't. I'm providing a visible and reassuring presence on the street.' | 0:16:58 | 0:17:04 | |
-What? -'I'm havin' a walkabout.' | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
Listen, there's been a crime you'll want to investigate. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
'Oooh! What kind of crime?' | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
-A stabbing. -'Ooh. Brilliant. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
'Should I bring me handcuffs?' | 0:17:16 | 0:17:17 | |
Well, I'd like to think we could find a use for 'em. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:21 | |
..Really? | 0:17:21 | 0:17:22 | |
What an incredible story. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
Cartoon Head just told me what kind of attack it was. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
Do you want to tell him, or shall I? | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
He were ginger knifed. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
That's today's weapon of choice? A knife for cutting up ginger? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:40 | |
No! Paul and CH were coming out of Cod Amongst Men and they got jumped by two gingers. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:45 | |
-Tandem random. -CH don't reckon it was random. He reckons it's... | 0:17:45 | 0:17:50 | |
..the Red Mist. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
The Red Mist? | 0:17:57 | 0:17:58 | |
That's a myth! | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
Come on! A mutant gang of killer gingers living in the sewer? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:04 | |
-Course it's a myth! -They don't live in the sewers, they live near Burnley. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:08 | |
Oh, they've come up in the world - just. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:11 | |
Look, I'm not sayin' that everything you hear about them is true, | 0:18:11 | 0:18:15 | |
but the Red Mist do exist, and they are ginger. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
You can't be serious! | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
Ten year back, me and Tania watched them kill our Uncle Margaret. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:29 | |
UNCLE Margaret? | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
He were just one day away from finishing his sex change. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:40 | |
-You're not going to die. -I never said I was. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:52 | |
I've heard you're seeing some new bloke. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
Yeah. It's not that serious. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
He's not like you. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
Nobody's like Psycho Paul. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
I know. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:14 | |
So, who you seeing, then? | 0:19:14 | 0:19:17 | |
He's called Jason. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:20 | |
He used to play mini-Moog in this band, The Silicone Valets. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:25 | |
Only, it's valets with a T. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
I've heard 'em. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:31 | |
They're shit. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:34 | |
-Are you and Rainbow still... ? -Yeah. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
She brings me mad love. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:42 | |
Ooh. Sounds nice. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:45 | |
It is. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:46 | |
INHALES SHARPLY | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
Psycho Paul? | 0:19:50 | 0:19:51 | |
Are you OK? | 0:19:54 | 0:19:55 | |
Psycho Paul? | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
Psycho Paul... | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
-What have you done to him? -Nothing, I swear. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:33 | |
If he dies because of you... | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
Tania had nowt to do with it. She's been looking after Paul. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
It were Red Mist who knifed him. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
Uncle Margaret! | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
-Red Mist? That's a myth. -Apparently not. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
A gang of ginger ghosts who live inside mirrors? | 0:20:48 | 0:20:52 | |
-Course it's a myth. -Not everything you've heard about 'em's true. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
Are you wearing glittery eye shadow? | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
No! It's just a headache. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:02 | |
-Do you want a Bovril, Keith? -No, ta, kitten. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:07 | |
-How about a sweet Bovril? -Aye, go on. Why not? | 0:21:07 | 0:21:11 | |
I suppose I'd better feed our guest. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:15 | |
Oi! | 0:21:21 | 0:21:22 | |
Oi, you cheeky git! | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
-Bug-a-lugs, come back! -There's no need to shout, Keith. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
He's got three ears. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
-See you, Cartoon Head. -Bye, CH. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:40 | |
If Paul dies, | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
I'll kill myself. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
He's not going to die. He's not worth killing yourself for. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
Yeah, he is. He's well worth it. He's a...bargain. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:57 | |
Look, sis...you're with Jason. Paul's with Rainbow. It's time to move on. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:04 | |
You're right. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
-I should kill Rainbow. -You tried that. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
You couldn't go through with it. You're too kind-hearted. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:16 | |
The world doesn't deserve me. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
Ooh. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
Rainbow's through there, puttin' Humpty back together again. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
Now, would you say the victim is... | 0:22:38 | 0:22:42 | |
going to live, | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
not live, | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
don't know? | 0:22:46 | 0:22:47 | |
Live. But... | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
I don't know. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
Mm. I'll put, "Not live". | 0:22:54 | 0:22:57 | |
Now, who do you think was responsible? | 0:23:01 | 0:23:06 | |
Person's unknown... | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
or persons? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Cartoon Head said it were the Red Mist. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
-Red Mist? That's a myth. -No. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
A hairspray that turns you ginger? Course it's a myth. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
Not everything you hear is true. You want to get a bit of perspective. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:30 | |
Another vodka? | 0:23:30 | 0:23:31 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
-Rainbow. -Double P. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
-You're not going to die. -I never said I was. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:49 | |
Psycho Paul doesn't die. He's too Psycho Paul for that. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:55 | |
I gave you 12 stitches... and an extra one for luck. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
Appreciate it. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:02 | |
Am I hurting you? | 0:24:07 | 0:24:08 | |
Yeah. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
Lucky this stabbing came up, really. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
The more crimes that get committed... | 0:24:21 | 0:24:25 | |
..the more I feel like I'm doing my job. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
Well, Manchester's a very crime-rich city, innit? | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
I wonder if Glasgow's going to be as good? | 0:24:33 | 0:24:37 | |
Glasgow? | 0:24:37 | 0:24:38 | |
Didn't I say? | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
I'm doing a three-month course in Glasgow. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:45 | |
-Start next week. -What? | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
Yeah, we're going to be learning about computer crime - | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
identity theft, er... | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
people being rude on Facebook. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
Is PC goin'? | 0:24:57 | 0:24:59 | |
I'm going to dump him. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:02 | |
It was mainly the uniform I were attracted to. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:08 | |
And now I've got me own. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:11 | |
Jenny, I've got to give you something. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
I'm taking Double P home for observation. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
What's this shit? | 0:25:21 | 0:25:22 | |
-Oh, I ordered that from that fascist pizza place. -Did you? -Yeah. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:28 | |
Well, fuck you! | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
Ow! | 0:25:33 | 0:25:36 | |
Are you wearing glittery eye shadow? | 0:25:39 | 0:25:41 | |
Yes! | 0:25:43 | 0:25:44 | |
Nice! | 0:25:44 | 0:25:46 | |
# You never were and you never will be mine | 0:25:51 | 0:25:57 | |
# No, you never were | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
# And you never will be mine | 0:26:01 | 0:26:07 | |
# Cos you never were and you never will be mine | 0:26:07 | 0:26:14 | |
# No, you never were | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
# And you never will be mine | 0:26:18 | 0:26:24 | |
# There's a moment to seize Every time that we meet | 0:26:24 | 0:26:28 | |
# But you always keep passing me by | 0:26:28 | 0:26:32 | |
# No, you never were and you never will be mine | 0:26:32 | 0:26:40 | |
# Cos you never were | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
# And you never will be mine | 0:26:42 | 0:26:47 | |
# No, you never were and you never will be mine | 0:26:48 | 0:26:56 | |
# There's a moment to seize Every time that we meet | 0:26:56 | 0:27:01 | |
# But you always keep passing me by | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
# No, you never were and you never will be mine | 0:27:04 | 0:27:11 | |
# Cos you never were... # | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
Honestly, Jenny, I were never happier than when we were together. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:21 | |
And since we've been apart, I've been so miserable. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:26 | |
I made Thom Yorke look like Timmy Mallet. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:29 | |
You once told me we were soul mates. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:34 | |
Well, you said "mole mates" but I knew what you meant. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:38 | |
And I think it's true. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:39 | |
So why don't we give our love another chance? | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
Or at least, you know, failing that, | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
have a farewell shag? | 0:27:46 | 0:27:50 | |
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say... | 0:27:50 | 0:27:54 | |
..when you were still here. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
Oh! | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
This is what happens when you lend people money. | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
-Derrick's sperm is very disappointing. -What you doing in a woman's bed? | 0:28:05 | 0:28:08 | |
If you've got any sense, you'll live in fear of your best mates. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:12 | |
-He's stalking me! -It's more romantic than that. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:14 | |
-Hola! -SHE SCREAMS | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:36 | 0:28:38 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:28:38 | 0:28:40 |