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Ben

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Transcript


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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello and welcome to Insert Name Here,

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the show where we discover surprising facts about people

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with just one thing in common - they all have the same name.

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And joining me, six of my favourite people.

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They have names, not afraid to use them.

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So, please welcome Hollywood director Paul Feig,

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historian Kate Williams and their team captain, Josh Widdicombe.

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And on the other side, comedian Jon Richardson,

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naturalist Chris Packham and their team captain, Richard Osman.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Now, Paul, you're the man behind Bridesmaids,

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which sounds worse than I meant it to sound.

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This whole show tonight is essentially all of us

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-auditioning for a Hollywood movie.

-Yeah.

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Never felt more powerful in my life.

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The ideal way this could work is the next episode is just five

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empty seats and we've all gone to Hollywood.

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But Paul's still here.

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Now, your name is Paul. Do you feel like a Paul, Paul?

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Um, I do feel like a Paul,

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though I've been informed that I should actually feel more like

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a Michael because apparently I bear a striking resemblance to

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a man named Michael Gove.

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No!

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Oh, you do! I wondered why I felt like I'd taken against you.

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You're not the only one to have observed that likeness,

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we did spot it. Here's the two...

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Oh, it's close!

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-Who's the handsome fellow on the left?

-I don't know.

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Jon, you recently had a baby. Congratulations, my love.

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Thanks, it was... Yeah.

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APPLAUSE

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Did you find naming an issue?

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Did you go through reams of names or did you always know?

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Well, we sort of went down the dead relative route.

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It seemed fairest. One each, one dead nanna each.

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Were they dead before you named the baby?

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Yeah, the shock!

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-Yeah.

-Jon has had sex!

-I know.

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LAUGHTER

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Well, they were there.

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She's called Elsie, after my nan.

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Which was lovely until someone said to me,

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"Oh, is that because of the princess from Frozen?"

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Oh, no!

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Which really, really upset me, to the point of considering adoption.

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So now they've changed the name to Simba.

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Chris, do you name pets? Do you name any of your pets?

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I do, the domestic animals.

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Not wild animals that I've had, yeah.

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I've always had poodles, small black miniature poodles,

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and we had one and I was desperate to call it Help.

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I had this fantastic vision in my mind that someone would

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genuinely need help and they'd be shouting for it and

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a small black poodle would turn up.

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All right, to the all-important question -

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so, which name will be featuring tonight?

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Well, they could be a Hill or a Mountain, a Miller or a Stiller.

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Tonight's name is Ben.

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So, as you may have guessed,

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we're going to be talking about people called Ben, and that includes

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Benny, Benjamin and Benedict, or a welcome "come on, thither."

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Along the way, teams will be collecting as many Bens as they can.

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At the end of the show, the team with the most will have

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the honour of deciding who is officially

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the greatest Ben of all time.

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That person will then be inducted into our

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Insert Name Here Hall of Fame.

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Any early thoughts about who that might be, Josh?

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-Well, I've got some favourite Bens.

-Yeah?

-Big.

-Yeah.

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Mr. Yes.

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And Uncle.

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Richard, your team,

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any early thoughts as to who the greatest Ben of all time might be?

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I've a soft spot for Ben Miller,

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only because I used to like the Miller And Armstrong Show

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and I've worked with Armstrong for many years.

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-And, God, he takes some carrying.

-Yes.

-He really does, doesn't he?

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All right, let's get on with the show.

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It's time to pick a Ben, any Ben.

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Our panellists are going to choose a category.

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Behind each category lurks a famous Ben,

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which our teams must attempt to secure.

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And so, first of all we have a Swedish Ben, an Italian Ben,

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an English Ben or an American Ben.

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Josh, your team is going to pick first.

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-Oh...

-Which one does Deliveroo bring?

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Swedish Ben.

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All right, well, you have chosen musical superstar Benny from ABBA.

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Let's have a look at the stats.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Listen, it's fair to say everybody loves ABBA. Anyone here disagree?

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-Everyone loves ABBA, right?

-Yeah.

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Chris and Jon don't like ABBA!

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It's the noise of it, isn't it, really?

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If six-year-olds could make music, they would make ABBA.

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LAUGHTER AND BOOS Oh, that's divided the crowd.

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If you could now do the Swedish for "Money, Money, Money,

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"it must be funny," then you can take the mick out of ABBA.

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-SWEDISH ACCENT:

-Money, money, money.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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All right, I'll take it.

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Here they are in their prime.

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I think that's at the opening of the Large Hadron Collider.

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He's really struggling to hold up the left end of that guitar,

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isn't he?

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-You see how they're dressed in the most ridiculous fashion?

-Yes.

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There's a reason for that.

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It's one of the few things I do know about ABBA,

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because I know nothing about any of the songs, the music,

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I've not seen Mamma Mia, I don't own ABBA Gold...

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That is such bullshit.

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We know you, you're in that hide at night, going,

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# Money, money, money... #

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Someone goes, "Chris, a badger!"

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# Must be funny... #

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The reason they wore those outrageous garments is

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so that they could claim tax on them,

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because in Sweden at that time,

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you could only claim tax on clothes that you wouldn't wear elsewhere.

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So they made a point of this.

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It was the one political stand they probably took.

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-That is absolutely true.

-It's true, isn't it?

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So if you're listening, Gary Barlow, check it out.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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The first single was released in America by Playboy Records.

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Lots of demand for the 12 inch.

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But what was the problem with the name ABBA?

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It's also the name of a herring company or

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a fish canning company or something like that, isn't it?

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Absolutely is. Well done, yeah, Richard.

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Very similar situation to the Uruguayan death metal band

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Fray Bentos.

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Chris, as a man at one with nature, where do you stand on fish canning?

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Well, 80% of our fisheries are now overfished.

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What should we be eating?

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If we're going to eat protein we should be eating insects

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because they reproduce far more quickly and...

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I've eaten cricket and maggot and mealworm.

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I'm very concerned about the afterparty for this show.

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I read this article saying that cockroach milk

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is the best possible milk you can drink.

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-Oh, my word.

-It's so protein-heavy.

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How do they milk them?

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LAUGHTER

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It's literally, finally the perfect job for you, Josh.

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There's now an ABBA museum in Stockholm filled with memorabilia,

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including the helicopter used on the cover of Arrival,

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plus a recreation of the ABBA recording studio.

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But what is special about the museum's upright piano?

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I've actually been to the ABBA museum.

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What? The actual?

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I've been to the ABBA museum.

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You should have dropped this one earlier in the round, surely!

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And, you know, actually,

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it's a piano and it's connected to the piano in Benny's house.

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-So when Benny sits down and plays on the piano...

-No!

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-..this piano plays itself.

-Whoa!

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-So whenever he practises, you hear too.

-That's quite cool.

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-But the trouble is, he's got seven cats.

-Yeah.

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And they've also got this phone in the middle of the museum

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and the phone is a special phone,

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and the only people who know the number is the members of ABBA.

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So if it rings and you pick it up, you'll be speaking to Benny or...

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Or there's the possibility that all of this is bullshit

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to make people go to a shit museum.

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LAUGHTER

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Agnetha had a number of relationship issues, but what was unusual

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about her relationship with a Dutch forklift driver?

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Didn't he pick her up in a warehouse?

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LAUGHTER

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I think he was her stalker.

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Is absolutely right.

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He basically was an obsessed fan who moved house in order to meet her.

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When the relationship broke down, police raided his wooden cabin

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and found a shrine to Agnetha,

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including thousands of mementos, a dead turtle,

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with a bucket of faeces, which were rumoured to be hers.

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Worst ever episode of Through The Keyhole. Worst.

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OK, we've reached the business end of the round.

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It's time to play for the Ben.

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Benny has produced a number of solo albums over the years

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and collaborated with famous singers including Elaine Paige,

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Barbara Dickson and Sarah Brightman.

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But who sang on Benny's 1991 album,

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Fagelsang i Sverige?

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-The Queen of Sweden.

-No.

-Stefan Edberg.

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I'm going to give you a clue - it's more in your line of work, Chris.

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Oh, was it a badger?

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-Was it an animal?

-It's an animal.

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-Birds.

-Exactly, birds.

-Well done.

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It's wild birds, a collection of Swedish birdsong.

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The album features 90 different birds native to Sweden.

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They're not so bad after all, ABBA, actually, are they?

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They're all right!

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Would you like to hear a track from the album?

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More than anything in the world.

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Chris, do you want to pick a number from track 1-90?

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-90?!

-There's 90! There's 90 tracks.

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Oh, someone needs to get himself a proper producer.

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Pick a number and we'll play the track.

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-17.

-17, let's hear 17.

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TRILLING

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I'm really into this, I genuinely am really into it.

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-Do you know what that is?

-No, do you know what that is?

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-I think I do, yeah.

-It's a bird.

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But it's not song, it's actually the drumming of a snipe.

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And what they do is they fly up into the air and when they fly down

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in a very steep descending flight,

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they stick out their outer tail feathers and they vibrate

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in the wind and they produce that sort of "vwoom",

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wobbling, drumming sound.

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Do you know what? We never ever thought in a million years,

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when presenting you with Swedish wild birds, 90 of them,

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one picked at random, you'd get it right,

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and Chris got it right.

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APPLAUSE

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Unbelievable stuff. Congratulations to Richard's team, you get the Ben.

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Now, Richard's team, your go to pick a Ben, please.

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I think we'll go for an Italian Ben.

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Italian Ben, and you've chosen Italian dictator

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and punctual train enthusiast Benito Mussolini.

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Let's look at his stats.

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LAUGHTER

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Benito, the Prime Minister of Italy from 1922-1943.

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He went to a boarding school ran by catholic priests,

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but what unusual punishment did they give him at school?

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Did they pass Il Duce by the left-hand side?

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LAUGHTER

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-JOSH:

-Superb.

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Superb.

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Well, his punishment was actually to sleep outside,

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made to sleep outside with the dogs.

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Even Mussolini admitted he was not a good boy.

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When he got together with his girlfriend Rachele,

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her mother objected.

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So, how did he make her change her mind?

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Did he pull a gun on her?

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He absolutely did pull a gun on her, yeah. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

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He went to her house with a revolver and threatened to shoot

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Rachele and himself if she opposed the match.

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Although, being the old romantic, he did get down on one knee first.

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He was a womanising psychopath,

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basically a cross between Russell Brand and...

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another Russell Brand.

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Indeed, Mussolini's voracious sexual appetite led him to be known

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as Italy's Phallus in Chief.

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Until I moved there.

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Hey-hey!

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APPLAUSE

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What was unusual about Mussolini's relationship with Bella Italia?

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Oh, he had a loyalty card, didn't he?

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LAUGHTER

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Bella Italia was his pet lion.

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Here's Italia going for a drive...

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with Chuckles Mussolini.

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According to the Daily Telegraph, at one point

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Mussolini's Roman villa contained a pair of lions,

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two gazelles, a monkey, parrots, two ponies and two tortoises.

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And shortly afterwards, just two very fat lions.

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Fancy an entourage like that?

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I had a lion in the front of a Volvo once, actually, and...

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The casual way you deliver that, Chris!

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-Unfortunately, it vomited and defecated at the same time.

-Wow.

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It did the mythical double header?

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-In a Volvo!

-I've been close on a hangover, but...

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So, what was it doing on your lap?

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I was bottle-feeding it. I had it on my lap.

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We were driving to Devon, and I'd just given it way too much

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and it shifted and I looked into its little

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sort of bluey eyes and I knew exactly what was going to happen.

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It vomited and shat all over me.

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God, where was Michaela Strachan during all of this?

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Was she with you at the time?

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No, she wasn't, but Terry Nutkins was driving.

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Terry Nutkins was driving!

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That is my favourite end line to any anecdote.

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The punchline to this is that we had a penguin in the boot.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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There's somebody watching this programme who's had

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a family member institutionalised in the '80s.

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"My God, Uncle Phil was telling the truth."

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LAUGHTER

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Well, on that note, time to play for the Ben. This is the big one, OK?

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In 1945, Mussolini was executed and his body strung up from

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the lamppost of an Esso garage, but which of Mussolini's possessions

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did the US give to his widow in March of 1966?

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It was his Bella Italia loyalty card.

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-They didn't cut something off him and then...

-Yes, they did.

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-Was it his willy?

-Not his willy.

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-Head.

-Head is close.

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-What's in his head?

-Brain!

-Brain.

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His brains.

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I slightly fed that to you. Yeah, the remnants of his brain.

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Yeah, during his autopsy,

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a piece of Mussolini's brain was removed to test for syphilis.

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21 years later,

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it was returned to his widow in the form of six test tubes in

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a wooden box, with the compliments of the US ambassador in Rome.

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"These Ferrero Rocher are disgusting!"

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Congratulations, you win the Ben, Josh. Well done.

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APPLAUSE

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Right, Josh, your turn.

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I think we're going to go with an American Ben.

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You've chosen old school American hero Benjamin Franklin.

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AUDIENCE OOHS

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Let's have a look at his stats.

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Franklin was a bit of a polymath, scientist, politician,

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inventor, most famous for a scientific experiment in which

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he flew kites in the middle of a lightning storm.

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And if you're going to do that at home,

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do make sure you use a small child to earth your experiment.

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I love the fact he's got an urn there, pre-emptively.

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Yeah, straight in. Straight in there.

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As you can see, a metal door key was attached to the kite string,

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which charged a battery,

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thus proving the electrical nature of lightning.

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There's doubt, isn't there, Kate, that this actually happened?

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There is doubt, because we think that if

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he actually did succeed in conducting electricity down

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from that actual lightning strike to the battery,

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then in fact he would have been electrocuted himself and would die.

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What we think actually happened is he's getting electrical charge

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from the cloud and gathering that down, and that's what makes

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the bits of the string of the kite stand on end, which he observes,

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but he hasn't actually hit the lightning

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because that would be too excessive.

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So this means that the only thing I really knew about

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Benjamin Franklin is not true, so I really know nothing about the man.

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Yeah, welcome to this show!

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Franklin started out as a publisher,

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first big success was Poor Richard's Almanack.

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It contained recipes, weather forecasts, astronomical charts,

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poetry and witty maxims, many of which are still in use today.

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But which of these sayings was not devised by Franklin?

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LAUGHTER

0:17:060:17:09

What do you think?

0:17:160:17:18

I would say if you fly kites in thunderstorms,

0:17:180:17:20

then life insurance is probably the best policy.

0:17:200:17:22

LAUGHTER

0:17:220:17:25

I think the first one might be Washington, but again, this is...

0:17:270:17:30

-George Washington, but I could be wrong.

-Yes.

0:17:300:17:32

We'll go with honesty, then.

0:17:320:17:34

Well, the last one's Homer Simpson, isn't it?

0:17:340:17:36

All right, so, you're going to go for beer and you are going

0:17:380:17:40

to go for honesty is the best policy.

0:17:400:17:42

Let's have a look at the right answer.

0:17:420:17:44

So, the only one he didn't say is...

0:17:460:17:48

Now, which august American said that?

0:17:520:17:55

Tiger Woods?

0:17:550:17:57

LAUGHTER

0:17:570:18:00

APPLAUSE

0:18:000:18:02

You know what? It was Homer Simpson.

0:18:040:18:06

So you were right about Homer Simpson, but wrong quote, yes.

0:18:060:18:09

In January 1737, Franklin's newspaper,

0:18:090:18:11

The Pennsylvania Gazette, published The Drinker's Dictionary.

0:18:110:18:14

What was The Drinker's Dictionary for?

0:18:140:18:16

Well, it was so you knew what you were drinking, presumably.

0:18:160:18:19

-No.

-Is it so that you could speak when you were drunk?

0:18:190:18:22

It's actually an almanac full of euphemisms for being drunk.

0:18:220:18:26

So, whereas we might say "battered", his examples include...

0:18:260:18:30

That was a euphemism for being drunk.

0:18:310:18:33

Let me tell you now, you cannot be too free with Sir Richard.

0:18:340:18:38

LAUGHTER

0:18:380:18:39

My personal favourite...

0:18:390:18:41

Any favourite euphemism you've got for being drunk?

0:18:440:18:47

-Armitage Shanks.

-Armitage Shanks.

0:18:470:18:49

-If you've been drinking a lot...

-Yeah.

0:18:490:18:51

-..you're constantly urinating...

-You are.

0:18:510:18:53

..and the only time you ever read what's on the urinal

0:18:530:18:56

is when you've got to focus on something.

0:18:560:18:58

It's a shame that is rhymes with something else, though, Chris.

0:18:580:19:02

It's Cockney rhyming slang, really, isn't it?

0:19:020:19:03

I mean, he's been for an Armitage Shanks eight times this evening!

0:19:030:19:08

Jon, how about you? Do you have a favourite euphemism for drinking?

0:19:080:19:11

Erm... Postponing the misery of life for another evening.

0:19:110:19:14

LAUGHTER

0:19:140:19:17

Something like that.

0:19:170:19:18

Franklin, a prolific inventor, although he refused to patent

0:19:180:19:22

anything because he wanted the widest possible benefit for mankind.

0:19:220:19:25

He invented a mechanical arm for reaching books on high shelves,

0:19:250:19:29

and a pulley system that allowed him to lock and unlock his

0:19:290:19:32

bedroom door from the comfort of his bed.

0:19:320:19:34

Taken together, rather suspect-sounding.

0:19:340:19:38

-Is that when he was having an Armitage Shanks?

-Yeah!

0:19:380:19:41

All right, now, time to play for the Ben.

0:19:410:19:44

In 1750, December 1750, he nearly killed himself. What happened?

0:19:440:19:49

Did he strangle himself with his own mechanical hand?

0:19:490:19:52

So it felt like someone else's, Josh, is that what you're saying?

0:19:540:19:57

LAUGHTER

0:19:570:19:59

It involves an animal.

0:19:590:20:00

I believe that he was trying to cook a turkey with his new-found

0:20:000:20:04

electricity toy and he electrocuted himself when he was trying

0:20:040:20:09

to use his key to conduct electricity to bake the turkey.

0:20:090:20:12

Is absolutely the right answer, well done. Correct.

0:20:120:20:14

APPLAUSE

0:20:140:20:16

Was Franklin the first person to experiment with electricity, Kate?

0:20:180:20:21

Well, my favourite electrical experimenter is a bit earlier,

0:20:210:20:24

and he is the chief electrician to King Louis XV.

0:20:240:20:28

And what he did, Jean-Antoine Nollet,

0:20:280:20:30

was he got 700 monks to form a human chain,

0:20:300:20:35

holding hands, and then he electrocuted one monk

0:20:350:20:37

at the end and made them all jump at the same time.

0:20:370:20:41

Those were the days, weren't they?

0:20:410:20:42

When you could just get 700 monks in a circle.

0:20:420:20:45

You couldn't get 700 monks in the Large Hadron Collider these days.

0:20:450:20:49

You've got state-of-the-art equipment,

0:20:490:20:51

-but you can't get the monks.

-You can't get the monks.

0:20:510:20:54

You can't get the monks these days.

0:20:540:20:56

Congratulations, you win the Ben.

0:20:560:20:59

APPLAUSE

0:20:590:21:02

Time now to fire up our Ben-flavoured fruit machine.

0:21:040:21:06

Each time I spin, up will pop three of my favourite Bens,

0:21:060:21:09

and our teams have to match the extraordinary fact

0:21:090:21:11

to the extraordinary Ben.

0:21:110:21:12

Also a chance to unearth more candidates for the greatest

0:21:120:21:15

Ben of all time, so let's spin.

0:21:150:21:17

So, we've got Blackadder and Young Ones writer Ben Elton,

0:21:170:21:21

porn star Ben Dover,

0:21:210:21:22

and a man who's probably delighted to be next to him,

0:21:220:21:26

Gandhi actor Sir Ben Kingsley.

0:21:260:21:28

That's a porn star called Ben Dover, that guy?

0:21:300:21:32

No, it's not his real name!

0:21:320:21:34

His real name is Ian Givemeone.

0:21:360:21:38

LAUGHTER

0:21:380:21:40

-I've met Ben Dover.

-Have you?

0:21:410:21:43

Yeah, he did a show at the Edinburgh Fringe a few years ago.

0:21:430:21:46

What do you mean by a show?

0:21:460:21:48

And what do you mean by meet?

0:21:490:21:51

The question is, OK, so, which Ben appeared on a list of

0:21:530:21:57

suggestions to become General Secretary of the Labour Party?

0:21:570:22:01

Josh's team gets to choose this one first.

0:22:010:22:03

Well, I think Ben Kingsley.

0:22:030:22:05

-I'm sure I've heard...

-He's a Labour Supporter?

0:22:050:22:08

Yeah, he's a big Labour man.

0:22:080:22:09

Would it possibly be Ben Dover as a protest vote?

0:22:090:22:12

Hey, we've got Trump, you can have Ben Dover.

0:22:140:22:16

LAUGHTER

0:22:160:22:18

Who are you going to go for, my love?

0:22:220:22:24

I know that the obvious thing is Ben Elton,

0:22:240:22:26

but I've just got a feeling that he's the kind of red herring.

0:22:260:22:29

-You're feeling in your bones.

-Probably, yeah.

-Kingsley, please.

0:22:290:22:31

You're going for Kingsley? Richard's team.

0:22:310:22:34

It feels to me, if Ben Dover did stand for

0:22:340:22:36

Labour General Secretary, the MPs wouldn't vote for him,

0:22:360:22:39

the unions wouldn't vote for him, but the members would.

0:22:390:22:43

Do you know, I think he's probably a Tory.

0:22:450:22:47

That was the impression I got from his show.

0:22:470:22:50

-So are you saying that he was swinging to the right?

-Erm, yes.

0:22:520:22:56

-So, who are you going to go for?

-I think we'll go for Ben Dover.

0:22:560:22:59

All right, you're going to go for Ben Dover. The correct answer is...

0:22:590:23:02

-JOSH:

-No!

0:23:030:23:04

APPLAUSE

0:23:040:23:06

Indeed.

0:23:100:23:11

According to the News of the Word,

0:23:110:23:13

in 2008 he was on a shortlist of potential candidates to

0:23:130:23:15

become the new General Secretary of the Labour Party.

0:23:150:23:18

Richard, congratulations, you win the Ben.

0:23:180:23:21

APPLAUSE

0:23:220:23:24

OK, onwards.

0:23:260:23:27

We've got American R&B legend Ben E King,

0:23:270:23:30

iconic Pakistani politician Benazir Bhutto,

0:23:300:23:33

and saucy '70s funnyman Benny Hill.

0:23:330:23:36

OK, so, the question is,

0:23:360:23:37

which Ben did Snoop Dogg reveal he would like to play in a movie?

0:23:370:23:42

Richard, you get to go first on this one.

0:23:420:23:44

Well, you know what?

0:23:440:23:45

He is genuinely famously, Snoop Dogg,

0:23:450:23:47

a big fan of British comedy,

0:23:470:23:48

and genuinely a lot of the rappers like Benny Hill.

0:23:480:23:51

It's the truth.

0:23:510:23:52

Sorry, a lot of American rappers are into Benny Hill?

0:23:520:23:55

-Yeah.

-It was very, very popular when I was growing up.

0:23:550:23:59

My father and I bonded over that.

0:23:590:24:01

And Paul's father is Dr Dre, so...

0:24:010:24:03

LAUGHTER

0:24:030:24:05

Benny's actually a stage name - his real name was Cypress Hill.

0:24:060:24:09

LAUGHTER

0:24:090:24:11

-So you're going to go for Benny Hill?

-Yeah.

0:24:130:24:15

All right, you've locked in with Benny Hill.

0:24:150:24:16

What do you reckon, guys?

0:24:160:24:18

I have briefly met Snoop Dogg in LA, briefly...

0:24:180:24:20

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Whoa!

0:24:200:24:23

Rewind. Now the crowd say Bo Selecta.

0:24:230:24:25

LAUGHTER

0:24:250:24:29

So, go on.

0:24:290:24:30

When I was 22 I was travelling and I stayed in this hostel in LA.

0:24:300:24:33

And in the hostel there was a couple of girls

0:24:330:24:35

who wanted to be Playboy models,

0:24:350:24:37

and Snoop Dogg had met a couple of them in a club

0:24:370:24:40

and he came down to our hostel to see them.

0:24:400:24:42

-Snoop Dogg came to your hostel?

-Yeah, yeah!

0:24:420:24:45

I'm guessing you're someone that doesn't really know

0:24:450:24:48

that much about Snoop Dogg.

0:24:480:24:49

That was a man going, "Yeah, of course I'm Snoop Dogg."

0:24:490:24:52

No...

0:24:520:24:53

"Yeah, Snoop Dogg, ain't I?"

0:24:530:24:56

LAUGHTER

0:24:560:24:57

All right, so, Josh's team, what are you going to go for?

0:24:570:25:00

-We're going to go with...

-It sounds crazy, but I feel like Bhutto...

0:25:000:25:04

-We're going Bhutto.

-I don't know why else she's up there.

0:25:040:25:06

So you're saying that you think that Snoop Dogg wants to play

0:25:060:25:09

Benazir Bhutto in a film.

0:25:090:25:11

-All right.

-No!

-So, let's see what the right answer is.

0:25:110:25:14

Oh!

0:25:150:25:16

APPLAUSE

0:25:160:25:18

Yeah. Snoop said, "I love Benny Hill.

0:25:200:25:22

"He's one of my favourite comics of all time..."

0:25:220:25:24

"And, hey, where's that beautiful redhead I saw in the hostel?"

0:25:300:25:34

LAUGHTER

0:25:340:25:36

I love the fact you thought it was Benazir Bhutto.

0:25:360:25:38

I'm going to get that point back for us, though,

0:25:380:25:40

because my next movie will now be Snoop Dogg as...

0:25:400:25:43

LAUGHTER

0:25:430:25:45

APPLAUSE

0:25:450:25:47

For that...

0:25:470:25:48

For that, Paul, I'm going to give you a bonus Benny,

0:25:490:25:51

my favourite Benny - Benny from Crossroads.

0:25:510:25:54

APPLAUSE

0:25:540:25:56

Our big Ben goes to Richard's team. Well done.

0:25:580:26:00

OK, well, let's play Finish The Fact.

0:26:030:26:05

I'm going to start out by reading a Ben-based gem,

0:26:050:26:07

you buzz in when you think you know how it ends.

0:26:070:26:10

So, first up, disgraced Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson.

0:26:100:26:13

BUZZER

0:26:190:26:20

And 4.6 seconds later, he finished.

0:26:200:26:23

LAUGHTER

0:26:230:26:25

He started what? BELL

0:26:250:26:26

-Paul.

-Buying urine from schoolchildren.

0:26:260:26:29

LAUGHTER

0:26:290:26:32

He started giving football lessons to...

0:26:320:26:34

-BELL

-Is it who made Sam Allardyce look above board?

0:26:370:26:41

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:26:410:26:45

No, who made one appearance for an Italian club before...

0:26:450:26:48

But sadly, no-one wins the Ben.

0:26:510:26:53

Next up, we've got 19th-century Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli.

0:26:530:26:56

-BUZZER

-More time to do the things he enjoyed.

0:27:000:27:04

LAUGHTER

0:27:040:27:06

APPLAUSE

0:27:060:27:08

BUZZER Yes, Richard.

0:27:100:27:11

Did he find she was the only one who knew their Wi-Fi password?

0:27:110:27:15

He actually found that she had kept 33 years' worth of...

0:27:150:27:19

BELL Paul.

0:27:190:27:21

Old Sainsbury bags.

0:27:210:27:22

BUZZER

0:27:240:27:26

Toenail clippings.

0:27:260:27:28

It's from the body.

0:27:280:27:29

-BUZZER

-Is it hair?

0:27:290:27:30

It is hair! Well done, congratulations, it's hair.

0:27:300:27:33

Yeah, in no way creepy.

0:27:380:27:40

Well done, Richard, you win the Ben. Well done.

0:27:400:27:43

APPLAUSE

0:27:430:27:46

So, we've come to the end of the show and I can tell you

0:27:460:27:48

that tonight's winners with the most Bens are...

0:27:480:27:50

Josh's team!

0:27:500:27:51

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:510:27:54

Big moment now.

0:27:580:27:59

Josh, who are you going to name as the greatest Ben of all time?

0:27:590:28:03

I think it's very simple.

0:28:030:28:05

I've annoyed Richard with the victory, and now I'm going to annoy

0:28:050:28:08

Chris and Jon by choosing, purely out of spite,

0:28:080:28:11

Benny from ABBA.

0:28:110:28:12

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:120:28:15

A worthy choice.

0:28:170:28:19

So, let's put Benny up on the Insert Name Here Hall of Fame. Up he goes.

0:28:190:28:23

He's going to join there Alexander Graham Bell, Mary Berry.

0:28:230:28:26

That's a hell of a party right there.

0:28:260:28:29

Best game of shag, marry or avoid of all time.

0:28:290:28:32

LAUGHTER

0:28:320:28:34

APPLAUSE

0:28:350:28:37

Now, just for you, Chris, I'm going to give you Fagelsang I Sverige.

0:28:380:28:43

Oh, the birds! The birds!

0:28:430:28:45

-Thank you very much.

-You're very welcome.

0:28:470:28:49

A very big thanks to all my guests, special thanks to all the Bens

0:28:490:28:52

here there and everywhere,

0:28:520:28:54

but mainly thanks to you at home for watching. Goodnight.

0:28:540:28:56

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:560:28:59

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