Episode 5 Jonah from Tonga

This programme contains very strong language and adult humour.

'But I made him act normal again.'

Fuck off, sir!

Oh, fuck!

'Judge from the Soldierz gave us a machete cos we were really brave.'

Get up, get up, go, go, go.

TYRES SQUEAL

HORN BLARES

Sorry, car.

'And we did something really bad that got us into a lot of trouble.

'We ended up in juvie.'

All jewellery off, into the trays.

'The Fobba-liscious boys went home.'

Boys, boys! Fuck off! I'm saying goodbye to him. Fobba-liscious boys!

'But me and Moses had to stay in.'

We'll save space anyway.

Hey, what's going on in here? We're not sharing cells. Out!

'Until Moses got sent home too.'

-I don't want to go!

-Fuck off me!

'Now I have to stay in juvie for a whole six weeks by myself.'

Why did the boy eat the poo?

Because he thought it was a chocolate bar.

-Night, mate.

-Sorry for calling you a fat bitch...

and a ranga.

# Oh, I think that I've found myself a cherry there

# She is always right there when I need her

# Oh, I think that I've found myself... #

'Well, Jonah's been on our minds and in our prayers for weeks.

'We all miss him very much.'

He is going to sit in front of the parole committee this Friday,

so, fingers crossed,

he gets released. I've been liaising with his legal aid lawyer

and the situation is that if he gets done for armed robbery,

he'll stay in there for a minimum of nine months,

so we're really hoping they are lenient.

We have Feel The Beat in the next couple of weeks and the other boys

really want to Jonah there and he's an important part of the team.

Um, and being in there, it's not easy.

Jonah acts tough, but he's way too fragile to survive in there.

Oh, bullshit, he can handle it.

Well, we want him out, and that's the point, so we're all praying.

'I wouldn't exactly say that I've missed him.

'I've certainly noticed he's not there.'

It's a lot quieter around the place without him,

and there's a lot less headaches.

His little crew miss him.

The fact is, they're just downright bored shitless without him.

Hey, sir, Jonah wants to ask you a question.

'Catholic Education have been on my back about closing down the house.

'The paperwork I've got to do to prove it's valid - fuck me!

'Doesn't exactly help with one of your pupils in juvie.'

-Sir!

-Oh!

'No, no, my head's definitely on the block.'

MR JOSEPH SIGHS

Jonah, well, yeah, I suppose, I admit I miss the prick a bit.

Must be terrible being locked up in there.

I can't imagine he's having too much fun.

RAPS: That's right!

Chill to the bill

Go get your cameras out

Yo, man, cos we look cool

You feel me?

-# Take my picture, I'ma lookin' good

-Yeah!

# Take my picture, I'ma lookin' good

# What's it of?

# Take my picture, I'ma lookin' good... #

'I love juvie, it's beat as.

'The food's good, the boys are good, there's lots of fun things to do.'

These are my main boys, this is my crew inside,

and we're called Juvie-liscious.

Boys, show them the J. This is our symbol, it's a J for Juvie-liscious.

ALL: Juvie-liscious!

'These boys, we're good at dancing, good at singing.'

# I'm your island boy I called a horse for you

# And we could eat it together

# Pretty young girl I want to touch your boobies

# Island girl Let me touch your boobies... #

'Everyone respects us except for the Abos.'

You're not even black, bro, so why do you even act like it?

-Your dick's not black.

-Yeah, you reckon?

How about you show me and the boys how to crack open a coconut?

Why don't you boys go and marry yourselves?

Why don't you go and commit suicide to yourselves?

Because your mum wants to lick my balls.

She told me when she came to visit.

If I kill myself, she can't lick 'em.

'The main Abo that I hate is Jared. Jared is a cock-head.

'We always have arguments and the other boy I don't like is Lewis.

'He's this big fat pom

'and he's scary as and he's got no sense of humour.'

-Hey, Jonah, how is Kylie going?

-Don't know. How's your dick going?

Fuck off! You'd better cover that fucked-up face of yours tonight.

-I'm going to stab him between the eyes, you dumb fuck!

-Sorry, Lewis.

'I've made up my own secret code language,'

so you add a "ch" in front of words

and no-one knows what you're saying and you get away with it.

-You know what, Jonah?

-This is you!

Chuck you, you big chunt!

LAUGHTER

Why don't you go to chill your-chelf?

Or are you chaborigines too choft?

This is the uniform that we all have to wear but you can pimp it up

with your own style if you want to.

And so this is what I do to look scox as, I roll this shit up

and I do high socks like this.

I pull my straps over as far as you can, so you get this

and then I tie my hoodie over and I tie a little knot

in the middle here

and when you want to work out what the middle is, you work out

where your nipples are, in between that exactly is the middle.

Take this shit off.

'Some of the younger boys, they want to look like me.

'They see me walking round, so I offer my service to make them

'look like me, so I show them how to get the natural swag that I have.'

ALL: Juvie-liscious!

'My cell is a double cell.

'I've got bunks and I share with this boy called Kevin.'

Chuck this in the laundry.

'I hate Kevin, he's annoying as, he's so boring.

'He's, like, really fat and he wears glasses

'and he farts during the night.'

Kevin, are you going to make my bed?

Come down. I can't be fucked doing it.

-Hey, Kevin, stand up. I just want to tell you something.

-What?

-Oh-h!

-Get up.

'And do you know what?

'He's so fat, that I'm scared he's going to collapse on me one night,

'so sometimes I wake up terrified.'

If you fart during the night, I'll punch you in the dick.

-Do you hear me?

-Yes.

'I've got to Feel The Beat,

'area heat is coming up so I've been practising

'my dance moves in the yard and getting ready for when I get out.'

-Hey, what's that for?

-None of your business.

You ain't telling me, I'll tell the guards about your tagging - simple.

Feel The Beat, area heats next week with my boys when I get out.

You ain't getting out.

You're in here for a while. You can tell just by looking at you.

-Why don't you chuck off? Seriously.

-What the fuck does that mean?

Chuck off, chaborigines, go chuck yourselves.

All right, gardening duty, guys, let's move it.

Miss, pick me, please. Pick us, please, miss, please, God.

-Please...

-Guys, shush.

-Pick us.

I'm only looking for people on their best behaviour.

Please, pick us, miss. I love you, miss.

I am not choosing anybody until everybody's quiet. Shh!

Miss, please, God, miss.

Jared in the garden.

Fuck you, miss, you always pick the Abos.

-We don't call them that, do we...

-Indigenous.

..and after the way you behaved this morning,

-you're lucky I'm speaking to you at all.

-I didn't do anything.

You called me a fat ranga and you know I don't appreciate it.

-Well, you sort of are one, miss.

-That is rude.

-Sorry, miss.

Go and marry your face, miss. I want to watch TV with you tonight.

-Only if you pull your head in.

-Just watch TV with me.

I always ask you and you never do it.

Thanks for not picking me, miss.

'Jonah's settled in extremely well, little bit too well actually.

'He's very comfortable.'

Hey, miss. Hey, miss, I've got a stiffie.

I do, miss, I've got a stiffie. No, I don't, it's just a bottle.

Oh, come on, somebody's going to drink out of that.

Yeah, me, I don't even care, it's my dick.

Yeah, it is a problem that we do face here,

is that the boys can become

so accustomed to the life in here and, unfortunately,

they find it easier to live in here than they do on the outside.

-Oh, guys, who's been graffiting on the furniture?

-Don't know, miss.

-Haven't seen that one before.

-Well, it's not on.

Pens do not come out of the learning centre. I am not happy.

There's some pretty naughty boys here, miss. You've got a tough job.

'Jonah's a nice enough kid.

'Actually, it's really hard to imagine that he could get into

'so much trouble on the outside.'

What is the capital of Australia?

-PHONE VOICE: 'I don't understand...'

-Fucking thing.

-What is the capital of Australia?

-'I don't know what that means.'

-Fucking doesn't work.

-It's because of your accent. Look.

It's fucking racist, miss.

-What is the capital of Australia?

-'Canberra.'

That's gay as, miss. Your phone is racist.

'Therese is cool, she's my favourite guard here.

'Some of them are shit but Therese, she likes to watch TV

'and she loves Sydney, she's the best.'

-Ladies' shampoo.

-Jonah!

'She's one of my best friends in the whole jail.'

Hey, miss, guess what I'm touching right now? I'm only joking, miss.

-I wasn't even touching it.

-You're revolting.

Miss, could you shampoo my balls for me?

LAUGHTER

I'm only joking.

I just want you to put the shampoo on my balls

-and then I'll rub it in, you don't have to.

-No.

-Come on, miss. Come on.

You know you want to.

'Therese is good because she's got the same name as my mum,

'Theresa, so that's why I like her the most.'

All right, guys, start getting yourself organised for bed, please.

-Hey, miss, miss, give me this.

-No.

-Give me it, miss.

-Check this out, miss.

-Yeah.

Miss, do you like my earring?

Oh, guys, don't forget tomorrow is Father's Day.

Make sure you get plenty of rest.

-Oh, don't do that!

-Miss, it stuck on me.

-I'm not taking that off. No.

-Miss, miss.

-You give it to me.

All right, go to your room, you're annoying me. Good night.

-Good night, gentlemen. Guys, I said bed now, please.

-I love you, miss.

I'm going to dream about you.

'Bedtime's awesome because Miss lets me tell stories through the hatch.'

Boys, story time.

And then the dog that had the face of the Indian kid started

growling because it was growling with happiness

because it saw the lady's big boobs and it started drooling

-cos it wanted to suck them.

-Shit story.

-Chuck chor-chelf!

'I just make stories up, but Miss reckons I could be a good author'

or write books or stories one day

as a job, cos my stories are so good.

That's when the boy chopped his dick off because he got

so hungry he wanted to use it as bait to catch a shark,

but he forgot to put a fishing line on it, so he just chucked

it in the ocean and a shark ate it and then he bled to death and died.

The end.

'After story time, I get to tell my bedtime jokes.

'That's everyone's favourite bit.'

-What did the prison cell say to the door?

-ALL: What?

Fuck off!

-What did the dick say to the shit?

-ALL: What?

Why haven't you got balls?

'Juvie's boring as and it's pretty shit,

'but you can make it fun if you try.'

-Why did the boy eat tapeworm?

-ALL: Why?

Because he thought it was a lolly.

Hello, boys, your dads are here.

So I want you to come and find your dad,

have a chat and show him around the yard a little.

-What are you doing?

-Nothing. You love all this shit?

I'm supposed to show you around, so...

this is the yard.

'Father's Day is really important because it gives the boys

'the opportunity to let their dads

'see their world inside the centre.

'It's a really important bonding experience

'because a lot of times the fathers actually can't

'make it to the visiting hours,'

so having this designated father/son time is very, very important.

See them over there, that's the Abos, they're homos.

Oh, Dad, see this?

That's my tag, you're not supposed to do it.

See that's pussy and cat, so it's pussycat.

-What? Don't fucking hit me!

-You fucking little shit.

I'm showing you shit, I'm supposed to show you stuff.

I'll show you a hiding in a minute on your arsehole.

-What's wrong with you?

-What's wrong with your dick?

This is my cell -

sink, toilet, beds, notice board, laundry, all the shit that you need.

Who's that?

Oh, that's my roommate, Kevin. Kevin, where's your dad?

-He's in jail.

-Oh.

'Jonah is loving having his dad, Rocky, here.'

He seems like the typical Tongan father.

They seem to have a really good relationship.

-This is your Father's Day present.

-What is it?

It's a drawing that I did of us. That's you and me.

And see that gun there? That's a cap gun, it's not a real gun,

-so that's a joke - that's why I'm smiling.

-You fucking little shit.

You're never going to get a job doing that kind of shit.

-I don't want a job.

-You're never going to get through university.

-What's wrong with you?

-I don't want to go to university.

-Your dick wants to go to university.

-Don't you talk to me like that.

-Don't you fucking push me!

-Hey, hey, hey, what's going on here?

I gave him his present and he pushed me, sir.

What kind of present is that? He's got a gun and it's Father's Day.

Tell you what, Jonah, it's Father's Day today, give him a hug.

-I'm not hugging him.

-Give your dad a Father's Day hug.

-He just hit me.

-Say "happy Father's Day". Come on, give him a hug.

-I'm not saying it.

-Come on, mate.

-I don't want to give him a hug, I don't want to.

-All I want to do is give him a hug.

-Sir, I'm not doing it.

-Just give him a hug and say "happy Father's Day".

-No way.

-That's the way. Happy Father's Day.

-Happy Dickhead Day.

No, try it again, Jonah. Happy Father's Day. Happy Father's Day.

-I'm not saying it.

-Happy Father's Day.

-Happy Dickhead Day.

-Happy Father's Day.

-Happy...

-Happy Father's Day.

-Happy Fuckwit Day.

-Happy Father's Day.

-Happy Fugged Day!

-Happy Father's Day, Jonah.

-Happy...

Come on, mate, you can do it. Happy Father's Day.

-Happy fuck off.

-Give him a hug, happy Father's Day.

Come on, happy Father's Day.

Happy Father's Day.

-Fuck off me!

-You're supposed to love me, you homo.

Boys, take your blindfolds and put them on your dads.

Is that tight enough? Can you see?

-Once they are on...

-Be careful.

-..I want you to give Dad

-a bit of a spin around.

-Spin, spin.

-You have to do it, it's Father's Day, sucked in.

-Nice and dizzy.

-Now, finding your own spot, guide Dad with commands.

-All right, Dad.

Like one step forward, turn to the right, remember,

this is an exercise in trust.

OK, two steps forward, two steps in front.

-I want you guys to be his eyes.

-Now, turn to your left.

Left, idiot.

Learn English. Now take one step backwards.

And step.

Two steps backwards.

And now forwards four steps.

Ready, forward...two, three, four.

Hey, Dad, when are you going to take me back to Tonga

to get my Takalua tattoo finished?

When you are a real man. You're not a man.

You're in here, you're just a little shit.

You've got to prove yourself once you're out.

-Then I'll decide when you are a real man.

-Whatever.

Take one step forward. Turn to the right.

And Dad, see, er...

eight steps forward and just go really fast,

-there's nothing in front of you.

-I don't want to.

-Do it, Dad. Do it.

Eight steps forward, go fast, Dad. Go, one, two...

Fuck!

-Come here, you little shit!

-I love you, I love you.

Don't hit me, don't hit me.

-Jonah, no running, mate.

-Come here!

-Don't hit me.

Come here!

-Mr Takalua, it's a long journey.

-It's a long journey, Dad.

We need to relax and we need to be calm and patient with him.

Can we just try to do this again?

-Let's just try, Dad.

-Please, trust each other.

-You. They said it was going to be someone good.

-Ha-ha, very funny.

Seriously, I thought it was going to be like a hot chick or something.

I've got a surprise for you, a special guest.

What the fuck am I doing here?

What the fuck, sir! What are you doing here?

I thought I'd come and see if you'd learnt your fucking lesson.

-See what all this prison crap's about.

-Fuck off, sir.

It looks cushy to me so far.

It's not cushy, there's bullies everywhere, sir.

That's interesting, coming from Mr Schoolyard Fucking Bully.

They call that karma and I'm loving that shit.

Why don't you go commit suicide to your face, sir?

Yes, you're right, have a seat.

So, Jonah, parole hearing tomorrow, fingers crossed, eh?

Oh, yeah, I spoke to your family and they all want to come out

-to pick you up, so that's exciting.

-Cool.

You do understand that if they look at your behaviour report

and your previous criminal record and decide to be hard on you,

you could do 9 to 12 months?

I know, sir, it's fucked up.

Yeah, you're a fucking idiot for doing what you did.

-You'll get no sympathy from me.

-Shut up, sir.

-Give me sympathy.

-Sir, give me sympathy.

-Fuck off.

You sound like a homo.

That's interesting, I was trying to sound like you.

-Fuck off, sir.

-Jonah, we really need to get you out.

We've got Feel The Beat next week

and all the boys are counting on you being there.

I'll be back to sing in the yard,

all the moves, I know what I'm doing.

-That's good. That's awesome.

-I'm ready for it.

Well, we'll be saying our prayers for you.

Well, you know what, sir?

I know, because I've got my tattoo, that it's going to protect me

and because when I was little, my mum said that I was magical.

So nothing bad can ever happen to me. So it's going to be OK.

That's the way, keep up that positive attitude.

We all love and care about you and we just want you back with us, right?

-You're crying, sir.

-No.

Sir?

This might sound like a weird question,

-but are you in love with me?

-No, mate, I just care about you.

-We all do.

-It seems like you're in love with me sometimes.

And I just want to say that if you are,

then you should get counselling.

Because it's not going to work out between us.

I don't like you in that way, mate, I promise.

Sir, you're too Jesus-y.

-It's messing with your head.

-Come here, mate, give me a hug.

I'm only hugging top half, I'm not touching bottom halves.

I don't want to touch your bottom half.

-Thanks for coming.

-All right.

-Give me a hug too.

-No, there's no hug.

-Give me a hug.

-I don't do hugs, will you piss off!

-You've got to give me a hug.

-Piss off, I don't do the hug thing.

-I love you.

-Yeah, yeah, good.

-Give me a hug.

-Fuck off!

Oh! Fuck! You fucking nut hit me again

and I'll snap your neck and I'm not kidding.

-Right, you two, knock it off. Enough.

-He's OK.

-Fuck.

That's it?

-Yes, that's it.

-Right and get out.

-Give me a handshake.

-Out.

-A little one.

-Out.

-See you soon.

-See you, Jonah.

Hey, miss, come and watch TV with me. I've saved you a seat.

Fuck off, that's for Miss.

-Fuck off.

-Stay right there.

MUMBLES

What the fuck, you staring at me, you coconut-muncher?

Go finger your own mum.

Actually, don't, I already did.

-Miss, he just punched me.

-I am busy, Jonah.

You don't look busy, you're just talking shit to her.

Shut the fuck up, Takalua,

-I'm trying to...

-Don't put your hands in my fucking face!

-Guard crush. Your little poofter tattoo!

-Not a guard crush.

Your dick has a guard crush.

Fucking guard crush.

I don't have a fucking guard crush.

I just want her to sit next to me, you're fucking it up.

Miss... Miss, please, sit next to me.

-Fucking cunt.

-Goodbye.

Hey, miss, why are you ignoring me?

I have to spread myself around, it's not all about you, you know.

-Miss, give me a hair.

-Bugger off. Just go and find something to do.

-Play a game or something.

-Games are for homos.

-Miss, I'm tired.

-Off.

-How are you feeling about your hearing tomorrow?

-Whatever.

You might be getting to go home, that's pretty good news, isn't it?

Or I might be staying here for 12 months.

Well, I hope you get to go home.

-Are you looking forward to going home and seeing your friends?

-No.

-Home is gay.

-Surely it would have to be more gay in here, wouldn't it?

No, it's good in here, miss. It's got a good feeling.

Everyone is nice. I like it here.

What about your tattoo?

Don't you want to go back to Tonga and get that finished?

-You can't do that in here.

-In 12 months, when I get out.

It doesn't matter.

What about if your mum was still alive?

What do you reckon Theresa would say?

Theresa would probably want me to stay in here.

-No, she'd want you to go home and be free and happy.

-No.

Miss, you're cool.

Look, I hope that you do get to go home

because I'm getting transferred next week.

Then I wouldn't be able to see you any more,

that'd be pretty sucky, wouldn't it?

What does "transferred" mean?

It's a work transfer, it means I won't be working here any more,

I'll be at a facility closer to home.

But I don't want you to go.

It'll be all right, you'll be back home with your family.

I think you should stay here, miss.

I don't think you should go anywhere.

-Look, how about you go back...

-Don't leave, miss.

Mate, it's all going to be... Come and sit down with the boys. Come on.

-You fucking bitch.

-No...

-If you go, you are a fucking bitch.

No, you're getting silly now. Settle down.

-Because you are a fucking bitch.

-Sit down with the boys now.

Hey, Jonah, enough. No! You need to settle down.

I fucking told you, I don't want you to go.

Oh, fuck.

SHOUTING AND JEERING

Get off me. Get off me.

Fuck off!

'Well, we've made the drive out to Garingal Juvenile Centre

'expecting to bring Jonah back today.

'But the news we've got has left us all very disappointed.'

-You didn't get my e-mail?

-No, I didn't.

'He's got himself into some serious trouble, into a fight.

'And now he's in isolation. And we can't even visit him.

'The parole committee have cancelled the hearing.'

Thank you very much.

I don't imagine they'd look too favourably on

an inmate causing fights and damaging property.

So he may have stuffed himself up a bit.

Hey, fob!

Hey, fobby, coconut muncher!

Come on, Takalua. Tell me a joke.

Oh, fuck you, then.

But we are all praying hard and we hope to get Jonah back.

He doesn't need to be in there, he needs to be at home with his family

who love and care for him, and all of us back at school.

# Close your eyes

# Give me your hand

# Do you feel my heart beating? #

Hey, Takalua, is that your family?

Yeah, that's my family!

That's my dad and my Aunty Grace.

And my brothers and my little sister.

Moses! Moses!

I can hear you.

SINGING CONTINUES

I'm up here.

Dad!

Aunty Grace!

I'm up here, I can hear you.

Moses!

Shut up.

Dad!

I can hear you.

Aunty!

CONTINUES SHOUTING

I'm up here!

I want to get out for lots of reasons. I miss Mr Joseph.

-Today is my last day.

-Moses needs me to look after him.

Oi, you're a bitch.

I've got Feel The Beat Fonua.

# ..I feel pain when you call me that... #

And I miss my boys.

Do you reckon he's really getting out today?

No, I think Jonah's is going to stay in.

-Boys, the door's opening!

-Jonah, Jonah!