Episode 10 Just a Minute


Episode 10

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Transcript


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Welcome to Just A Minute.

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APPLAUSE

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MUSIC: "Minute Waltz" by Frederic Chopin

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Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons and as the Minute Waltz fades away,

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it's my great pleasure to welcome you

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to this special edition of Just A Minute

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from the BBC Television Centre.

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This year, Just A Minute will reach its 45th birthday,

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and to celebrate those many years of radio success,

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we have taken over your television screens.

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So, without further ado, please welcome to the show

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those four talented and exceptional show-business personalities,

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and they are, seated on my right, Paul Merton and Shappi Khorsandi

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and seated on my left, Julian Clary and Stephen Fry.

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Please welcome all four of them.

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APPLAUSE

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The players will try to speak for just a minute

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on a subject that I give them, and they must try and do that

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without hesitation, repetition or deviation.

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The other three panellists can challenge at any time they wish

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and if uphold that challenge, they gain a point.

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If not, the person speaking gains a point

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and continues to speak on the subject.

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And, by the way, they can repeat the subject on the card.

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Paul, the subject here is "excuses for being late".

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You have 60 seconds as usual, Paul, and your time starts now.

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Perhaps one of the best excuses for being late is being late.

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If you are dead, you can't be expected to keep appointments.

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Other excuses which are wonderful are to refer to outside phenomena.

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"God ate my homework," you might say, on your way to a theological college,

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or, indeed, "The tsunami was so great coming down Streatham High Street..."

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Stephen, you challenged.

-I think there was repetition of "great".

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Yes, probably. LAUGHTER

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I don't listen to what I'm saying.

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It's hard enough coming out with it in the first place.

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So, Stephen, you have a correct challenge.

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You get a point for that, of course.

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You take over the subject, there are 40 seconds available

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and the time starts now.

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I suppose the disrepair of some sort of horological device

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like a watch or chronometer would be a reasonable excuse for being late.

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"It stopped, it was retarded in some fashion

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"and I wasn't able to tell the time

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"and thought that I was being punctual.

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"As a matter of fact, I was horrifically late

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"and I'm embarrassed and ashamed."

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It's not an excuse, it's a reason and sometimes the two are confused.

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-An.. An excuse is...

-BUZZER SOUNDS

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-Oh, hello.

-Paul challenged.

-There was a tiny hesitation.

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There was a definite hesitation.

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-He stumbled over the words.

-He did.

-So we call that hesitation.

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So, Paul, you get a point for that. Correct challenge.

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18 seconds are still available and your time starts now.

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There was a boy at school who specialised in being late

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virtually every day of the week

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and he had the most fantastic reasons for his poor time-keeping.

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"Excuse me, sir, I got my foot caught in a drain."

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"There was an explosion at the gasometers

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"and I was helping police with casualties."

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These were genuinely things he would come in and say. WHISTLE BLOWS

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point,

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and it's Paul Merton, so he's taken the lead

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at the end of the first round. Who's going to begin the next round? Oh, Shappi.

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Yes, a lovely subject. "The moon."

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Tell us something about the moon in just a minute, starting now.

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When I was a little girl, at school they told us

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that the moon was made of cheese.

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This is more of a comment on my education

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than the actual moon itself.

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It's not made of that substance at all.

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-I've always suspected it's...

-BUZZER SOUNDS

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-..made. Made.

-And Julian's challenge.

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-Repetition of "made".

-Yes, made.

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Does it count that if the second time, in my head, I misspelt it?

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LAUGHTER

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No, darling, we can't stretch it as far as that.

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So, Julian, you have a correct challenge. You get a point for that,

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of course, and you have the subject of "the moon"

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and there are 45 seconds available, starting now.

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Those of us who are rustic people, of course,

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know that the moon lights up the sky

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and makes everything absolutely gorgeous.

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In the city, you don't really see it.

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There are streetlights, you may peer up towards the sky

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and see something vaguely yellowish, however...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Stephen challenged.

-There were two "sees" in there.

-Yes, two "sees".

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A "see" at the beginning and a "see" at the end.

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I feel such a bully and I don't want to.

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-I understand.

-Oh, thank you.

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-You can't help it.

-No, Stephen, those are the rules of the game.

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You're right, you're right.

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And you got a correct challenge, another point, and you have 32 seconds starting now.

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La luna, it's often considered a symbol of femininity.

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The silvery, reflective quality has in mythology and symbology

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for many years been seen as somehow...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Julian's challenge.

-Is there a word, like...

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-I'm sure there is - symbology?

-Yes, there is.

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I'm afraid it became...

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-LAUGHTER

-I'm afraid it became awfully popular with that dreadful Dan Brown book

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because the character that Tom Hanks played in the film

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was actually a symbologist.

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-That was his profession.

-Just a "yes" will do.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Symbology. Symbology. I'll use it now.

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So, Julian, alas, but we did enjoy hearing from you

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and we loved the interruption, but Stephen was interrupted,

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he gets a point for an incorrect challenge and he keeps the subject.

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21 seconds available, starting now.

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In the magnificent extended poem by John Keats, Endymion,

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the moon falls in love with this beautiful youth who lies naked

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in the silvery light he's cast upon him...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Shappi challenged.

-I think you said "silvery" before.

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-Do you know, I did, didn't I?

-Yes, well listened.

-The silvery moon.

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Shappi, you have a correct challenge,

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you have a point for that, of course.

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There are 11 seconds and you take over the subject of "the moon", starting now.

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# By the light of the silvery moon

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# I want to spoon with my honey I croon love's tune. #

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Was a song that we learnt at school...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-And Stephen challenged.

-Well, in her first little speech,

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she told us that at "school" she was...

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It was a different school.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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No, it doesn't matter. No, Shappi, I think you've justified it,

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-and I'm glad you have...

-LAUGHTER

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..because there's only half a second to go

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and it would be very unfair

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to take it away from you at that particular moment.

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It was an incorrect challenge - you get a point for that -

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and you've got "the moon"...

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-LAUGHTER

-..and whichever school you went to, whichever...

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-Half a second, starting now.

-The moon on a stick...

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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APPLAUSE

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Shappi Khorsandi was speaking as the whistle went and gained an extra point,

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and the situation is that she's now equal in the lead with Stephen Fry.

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-SHAPPI GASPS

-Wow!

-Whoo.

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There's very little difference in the points

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and, Julian, we'd like you to begin the next round.

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The subject is... Oh.

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"The front row of this audience".

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-LAUGHTER

-Good lord.

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Oh, they're all, sort of,

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straightening themselves up now and twitching a bit.

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60 seconds as usual, starting now.

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Now, when I look at the front row of this audience,

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the word "casual" springs to mind.

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There is a woman over there wearing burgundy corduroy trousers,

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which, frankly, is a mistake. LAUGHTER

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I can't see anyone amongst you who's seen an iron in the last week.

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Can I say the word "shampoo", madam?

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And you, with the curly hair, is your hair naturally...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS ..that way?

-Stephen, you've challenged.

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-Two "hairs", "curly hair" and "your hair". Sorry.

-Yes, two "hairs".

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I'm loathe to take over the subject, but nonetheless.

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LAUGHTER

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Well, we've heard some of Julian's comments,

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let's hear yours on the front row of the audience,

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and 39 seconds still available, Stephen, starting now.

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Do you know, when I took my seat I thought,

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"Have I arrived at a beauty pageant,

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"and are these the contestants lined up before me?"

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It's a marvellous mixture. They're very keen.

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They're the first to have got here, presumably.

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They queued up a long time ago and that's why they're in such a state...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-..cos the weather isn't good.

-Julian, you've challenged.

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-We had two "theys" and two "they'res" in swift succession.

-Wow.

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-Tough challenge, but correct.

-Pardon me, symbiology.

-No, no...

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-LAUGHTER

-Symbology.

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-Symbology, is it?

-Yes, yes.

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So, you have a symbolic challenge there

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and you have the subject back again, Julian,

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and we'd love to hear more from you on the front row of the audience.

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24 seconds available, starting now.

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You've all perked up somewhat,

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but can I say the word "posture" to these two at the front.

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Are you members of a boy band that we ought to know about?

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And you, are you going out with anybody that we need to know?

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BUZZER SOUNDS I don't have time to pause for the answer.

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-Stephen challenging again.

-There were two "needs to know" there.

-Two "needs to know", yes,

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so Stephen, you've got in with 11 seconds to go

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on the front row of the audience and your time starts now.

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The colours range from pastel to deep viridian green, there.

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I see a brown, I see a rather pleasant...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Oh, yes.

-Oh, I see too many things, don't I?

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-Julian, you challenged first.

-Repetition of "see".

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-I see, I see, I see.

-It was a "see" of colour.

-A sea of colour.

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The front row of the audience is still the subject,

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and there are six seconds available, with Julian starting now.

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Do you worry about your head? Cos you needn't.

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Sorry, I thought he was going to say "hair".

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-LAUGHTER

-Deviation - you didn't say "hair"!

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Why is it everyone on the front row's turned purple?

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But they're also crossing their hands, like this.

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-So it was an incorrect challenge.

-It was an incorrect challenge.

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So Julian, another point to you. Four seconds are still available.

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The front row of this audience, starting now.

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You do have a lovely head of skin, if I may say so,

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and between you and me and the gatepost...

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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APPLAUSE

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So Julian Clary was then speaking as the whistle went

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and gained that extra point for doing so,

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and he's in the lead now with Stephen Fry,

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and the other two are only one or two points behind.

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And Stephen, we'd like you to begin the next round. Oh, the subject -

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you might have some knowledge on this: "Writer's block."

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60 seconds, as usual, starting now.

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Well, sometimes the words simply don't come.

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There's a sort of verbal constipation that afflicts

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authors of all kinds - poets, playwrights, novelists.

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It's a terrible condition, because sometimes

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they have achieved a huge amount in their chosen profession

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and are expected to produce all kinds of work each year,

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and then nothing. I lived in an apartment block

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which was Jay MacInerney's and Timberlake... Er... Baker's.

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BUZZER SOUNDS

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-It's such an odd name, isn't it?

-Julian challenged.

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-It was a hesitation, I think.

-Yes, it was indeed.

-It was a hesitation.

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Julian, you've got in again

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with 33 seconds to go on writer's block, starting now.

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I had writer's block once and I invested in an enema,

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which shifted it very, very quickly. The words flowed freely...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Paul's challenge.

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WHAT flowed freely?

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-I've read one of his books, he's right.

-Ah!

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-The words.

-Oh, the words? Well, I do beg your pardon.

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-Which one have you read?

-Oh, it was probably the one called Murder Most Fab.

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Thank you. LAUGHTER

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That was a lucky guess, wasn't it?

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Oh, give him a point. LAUGHTER

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The audience did enjoy your interruption so I'm going to give you a bonus point for that.

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But Julian, you were interrupted, so you get a point

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and you still have 27 seconds, tell us something about writer's block starting now.

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Writer's block is terribly frustrating.

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It's like looking at a blank page and nothing is swimming before you.

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Eventually you may wander into the garden,

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look around at the trees and perhaps the birds singing

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will inspire you, and that thrush will wave its way down to the...

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BUZZER SOUNDS

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-Paul, you challenged.

-Hesitation.

-It was a hesitation, yes.

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He was keeping going magnificently,

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but there are still 10 seconds available and it's with you, Paul Merton.

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The writer's block, starting now.

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Writer's block, or a desk if you prefer.

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An object you need to lean on, drawers with pencils inside,

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perhaps an eraser, and then issues of paper in front of you...

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WHISTLE AND BUZZER SOUNDS

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APPLAUSE

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So, Paul Merton was then speaking as the whistle went,

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gained that extra point and the situation is

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that Julian's now in the lead. He's two points ahead of Stephen,

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three or four ahead of Paul and Shappi.

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And Paul, it's your turn to begin.

0:12:220:12:24

Oh, the subject - this is a fascinating one:

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"My robot butler".

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60 seconds, starting now.

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My robot butler's a marvellous invention.

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He gets me up at half past six in the morning, does a few logarithms,

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presses my trousers and then breakfast is served.

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He's called Boris and he's based on the Mayor of London.

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He walks in, a wonderful creature,

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I can hear his wheels going across the wooden floorboard.

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His metallic voice croaks out to me, "Good morning, sir.

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"How'd you like a boiled egg?" And I say to him, "Of course,

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"perhaps even two of those delicious chicken products would be great."

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"How would you like it done?"

0:13:000:13:01

-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Julian challenged.

-Two likes.

-There's two people talking.

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The robot's saying one thing, I'm saying the other.

0:13:050:13:08

I can't control the robot.

0:13:080:13:10

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:13:100:13:13

No, you deserve a round of applause for that,

0:13:130:13:15

but, Julian, your challenge?

0:13:150:13:17

-Two likes.

-Yes, right.

0:13:170:13:19

So Julian, you've got in again with 30 seconds to go.

0:13:190:13:23

"My robot butler", starting now.

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My robot butler is called...

0:13:250:13:27

-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Paul challenged.

-Was that, "Robo bubba"?

0:13:270:13:30

-LAUGHTER

-Did it sound like that to you, Nicholas?

0:13:300:13:33

It did sound like that to me, but I think he really got enough clarity.

0:13:330:13:36

Got enough clarity, did he? OK.

0:13:360:13:39

So, Julian, the benefit of the doubt,

0:13:390:13:41

and if I can redress the balance some time later, Paul,

0:13:410:13:43

I'll give it back to you. You have 29 seconds,

0:13:430:13:46

"robot butler", starting now.

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She looks gorgeous in dungarees

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and her hair is just about shoulder length, which is what I like.

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She's based on Abi Titmuss,

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for whom I've got an inkling that I've been a fan for many, many...

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Oh.

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LAUGHTER

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-Well, lying for a start, but also...

-LAUGHTER

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Big fan of...?

0:14:070:14:09

-Repetition.

-Yes, "many, many".

0:14:090:14:11

So, Paul, you got in, and we're back with you on the robot butler

0:14:110:14:15

and you have 17 seconds, starting now.

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I've got a robo bubba... BUZZER SOUNDS

0:14:180:14:21

-What happened and buzzed then? Who buzzed then?

-Shappi buzzed.

-I buzzed.

0:14:210:14:25

Um, I'm not sure if what you said was...

0:14:250:14:28

I said what Julian said. This is where I get the benefit of the doubt.

0:14:280:14:31

No, no. Julian was "robo bubba",

0:14:310:14:34

-yours was "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba".

-That's repetition.

-I know it is.

0:14:340:14:38

There was a lot of "ba-bas".

0:14:380:14:39

-Yeah, there were too many "ba-bas"?

-Too many "ba-bas".

-Far too many "ba-bas".

0:14:390:14:43

Shappi. You got a correct challenge, you've got 16 seconds.

0:14:430:14:45

"My robot butler", starting now.

0:14:450:14:47

I wish I had a robot butler.

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I would polish him all day long, because...

0:14:490:14:51

Just because, you're...

0:14:510:14:53

-BUZZER SOUNDS

-..blah, blah.

0:14:530:14:55

-Stephen?

-Too many "becauses", I'm afraid.

0:14:550:14:58

There was "because", there was hesitation. I stammered as well.

0:14:580:15:01

All sorts of stuff went wrong there.

0:15:010:15:02

So, Stephen, correct challenge, ten seconds still available,

0:15:020:15:05

"My robot butler," starting now.

0:15:050:15:07

It's a sort of oxymoron, because "robot" is the Czech for "slave" or "serf".

0:15:070:15:11

-BUZZER

-Shappi, you challenged.

0:15:110:15:13

I'm not sure if that was right, but you kind of hesitated too much.

0:15:130:15:16

There was hesitation, darling. It's all right. You've got seven seconds on "My robot butler," starting now.

0:15:160:15:21

I'd take my robot butler on holiday, probably Barbados.

0:15:210:15:25

I hear over there the care of robot butlers is second to none. In a way....

0:15:250:15:29

WHISTLE BLOWS Very good.

0:15:290:15:30

APPLAUSE

0:15:300:15:35

So, Shappi Khorsandi was speaking as the whistle went. Gained an extra point.

0:15:350:15:40

She's moved forward,

0:15:400:15:41

and she's equal with Stephen Fry and Paul Merton in second place,

0:15:410:15:44

and they're all trailing Julian just by three points only.

0:15:440:15:47

And Julian, we're back with you to begin. "Cabin fever."

0:15:470:15:52

Tell us something about "cabin fever" in this game,

0:15:520:15:55

starting now.

0:15:550:15:56

I know when I was in the Navy and I checked into my cabin,

0:15:560:15:59

they said, "Do you want the top bunk or the lower?"

0:15:590:16:02

I said, "Let me unpack, first,"

0:16:020:16:03

and soon after, cabin fever struck me.

0:16:030:16:07

"Please, may I open the porthole?" I cried,

0:16:070:16:11

but request was denied.

0:16:110:16:13

The next time I had cabin fever I was on the poop deck,

0:16:130:16:17

and there's someone breathing very noisily next to me,

0:16:170:16:20

very off-putting,

0:16:200:16:22

and cabin fever spread like wild fire throughout the ship.

0:16:220:16:28

People were falling left, right and centre.

0:16:280:16:30

Oh, and very, very faint... BUZZER

0:16:300:16:33

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:16:330:16:35

Yes, we all spotted it, Paul.

0:16:350:16:36

-Repetition of "very," sadly.

-"Very, very," yes. It was lovely, Julian,

0:16:360:16:40

but unfortunately Paul spotted the very first,

0:16:400:16:42

so he's got the point, and he's got the subject.

0:16:420:16:45

24 seconds available, "cabin fever," starting now.

0:16:450:16:48

When I had the job of delivering Abi Titmuss's robot butler,

0:16:480:16:51

I knocked on her door and she wasn't in her house,

0:16:510:16:54

and I was advised to go to the end of the garden

0:16:540:16:57

where she had locked herself into this meticulously built cabin.

0:16:570:17:00

I enquired of the gardener, who was there,

0:17:000:17:03

"why is she in this particular structure?"

0:17:030:17:05

He said, "Ah, she is an artiste, she has..."

0:17:050:17:08

BUZZER

0:17:080:17:09

Ah, Shappi challenged.

0:17:090:17:10

She's not an artiste.

0:17:100:17:11

LAUGHTER No, no. That's just the gardener saying that.

0:17:110:17:15

I don't agree, but he's been paid by her, so he's a certain amount of loyalty.

0:17:150:17:18

Ah, see, now I'm stuck as to whether or not I was correct or not.

0:17:180:17:21

She is an actress, now, she's a bona fide actress.

0:17:210:17:24

Can somebody tell me who she is, because I've never heard of her.

0:17:240:17:27

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:17:270:17:31

There was a marvellous England spin bowler called Titmus,

0:17:320:17:36

he's the only Titmus I've ever heard of.

0:17:360:17:38

-I didn't know... Who is Abi Titmuss?

-She's an actress, she's got lovely, milky skin.

0:17:380:17:42

She's beautiful, very nice skin.

0:17:420:17:43

She was with a well-known television presenter for a time, and that's how she got well known.

0:17:430:17:47

And we'll say no more.

0:17:470:17:49

LAUGHTER

0:17:490:17:50

And Shappi, he did say "she" three times.

0:17:500:17:54

-He did. Well, that was my main point that I wanted to make.

-LAUGHTER

0:17:540:17:59

He said "she" three times quite close together.

0:17:590:18:01

So, as Paul's in the lead,

0:18:010:18:03

and you haven't played the game as much as anybody else...

0:18:030:18:05

Will I get the benefit of the doubt, Nicholas?

0:18:050:18:08

Yes, you have. And you've got "cabin fever,"

0:18:080:18:11

with only four seconds to go, starting now.

0:18:110:18:14

I shared a hotel room in Paris with my mother this weekend,

0:18:140:18:17

and cabin fever is what both of us got.

0:18:170:18:19

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:18:190:18:20

APPLAUSE

0:18:200:18:23

APPLAUSE DROWNS JULIAN AND STEPHEN

0:18:230:18:26

So, Shappi Khorsandi was speaking as the whistle went.

0:18:260:18:29

Gained an extra point, and she has moved forward.

0:18:290:18:33

She's equal with Stephen, one point behind Paul,

0:18:330:18:35

two or three points behind Julian, who's still in the lead.

0:18:350:18:38

Stephen Fry, we'd like you to begin the next round.

0:18:380:18:40

And the subject is "Lift etiquette."

0:18:400:18:43

Tell us something about that subject in this game, starting now.

0:18:430:18:47

I suppose I'd better annunciate what we're all thinking,

0:18:470:18:49

really, and that is don't let out any anal wind when you're in an elevator.

0:18:490:18:53

It must be the first rule of lift etiquette.

0:18:530:18:56

I think it's probably true, also, that one shouldn't stare at people.

0:18:560:19:00

It's generally, especially if you're English,

0:19:000:19:02

considered wise to look towards the ceiling.

0:19:020:19:04

There's never a hatchway, as there is in thriller films.

0:19:040:19:08

But in real life, lifts are rather dull places,

0:19:080:19:10

and people are embarrassed to be...

0:19:100:19:12

BUZZER

0:19:120:19:13

-Julian challenged.

-Repetition of "people."

-Yes.

0:19:130:19:16

-Oh, yes. That's true.

-Yes, yes indeed.

0:19:160:19:18

-Well listened.

-True story. Well done.

0:19:180:19:20

-You're concentrating like stink.

-He is, isn't he? He's really on fire.

0:19:200:19:23

Really?

0:19:230:19:24

LAUGHTER

0:19:240:19:25

Sorry, I don't mean you're REALLY on fire.

0:19:250:19:29

Start the car, would you?

0:19:290:19:31

LAUGHTER

0:19:310:19:33

-Julian, a correct challenge, which is the important thing.

-Thank you.

0:19:330:19:36

And you have "lift etiquette" and 34 seconds, starting now.

0:19:360:19:41

Every time I get in a lift, I say, "Are you going down, or shall I?"

0:19:410:19:44

LAUGHTER Which seems to break the ice, and then we start chatting,

0:19:440:19:47

and, generally...

0:19:470:19:49

-BUZZER

-Shappi challenged.

0:19:490:19:51

-It was hesitat-at-at-ive. Is that a word, Stephen?

-Hesitation.

0:19:510:19:54

Well, it is now.

0:19:540:19:55

LAUGHTER

0:19:550:19:57

-No, he didn't actually hesitate.

-He didn't. I'm sorry.

0:19:570:19:59

He was teetering on it, but didn't get there. And so, Julian.

0:19:590:20:03

Incorrect challenge, you still have "lift etiquette."

0:20:030:20:06

25 seconds, starting now.

0:20:060:20:08

I enjoy going up and down in an elevator.

0:20:080:20:11

-BUZZER

-Erm, 23, Stephen. Yes.

-He went down before, if you remember.

0:20:110:20:14

-LAUGHTER

-So, Stephen. You have the subject of "lift etiquette."

0:20:140:20:19

23 seconds available, starting now.

0:20:190:20:21

I was in one of the largest and longest lifts in London, Centre Point,

0:20:210:20:25

there's a nightclub at the top, there, and I got stuck one night.

0:20:250:20:28

It was most embarrassing. About five of us in there.

0:20:280:20:31

And I tweeted, using a new social network thing called Twitter,

0:20:310:20:35

and it rather caused a fuss.

0:20:350:20:37

Everybody got excited about this thing, because people in newspapers published it...

0:20:370:20:42

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:20:420:20:43

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:20:430:20:46

So, Stephen Fry was then speaking as the whistle went.

0:20:480:20:52

Gained an extra point.

0:20:520:20:54

And at the end of that round, he's moved forward, he's one ahead of Paul Merton,

0:20:540:20:57

two ahead of Shappi, and he's trailing our leader, Julian, by three points.

0:20:570:21:02

And who's turn is it to begin?

0:21:020:21:04

Oh, Paul, we're back with you. "Happy hour."

0:21:040:21:06

Tell us something about that subject in this game, starting now.

0:21:060:21:09

There are many happy hours throughout the day,

0:21:090:21:12

perhaps one of the most earliest ones are.

0:21:120:21:15

-BUZZER

-Stephen challenged.

0:21:150:21:16

-I just find it ugly to use a double superlative, "most earliest."

-Yeah.

0:21:160:21:20

LAUGHTER Yeah. I hadn't used the first one out.

0:21:200:21:23

It's a sort of deviation. I mean, it isn't, to be honest.

0:21:230:21:26

Shakespeare uses it in one of the most famous speeches in Julius Caesar,

0:21:260:21:29

-"The most unkindest cut of all."

-LAUGHTER

0:21:290:21:31

It's somehow just isn't nice style, is it?

0:21:310:21:34

-But we're not bothered so much about style.

-Good, that's fine.

0:21:340:21:37

It's about whether you can keep going without hesitating, repeating words, and so forth.

0:21:370:21:41

That's perfectly all right, then.

0:21:410:21:43

So, Paul, you have 55 seconds, another point, of course.

0:21:430:21:46

"Happy hour," starting now.

0:21:460:21:48

As the sun rises over the dew-kissed lawn,

0:21:480:21:51

and the rooftops of London glisten from the overnight rain,

0:21:510:21:55

one can hear the earth, in fact, the very metropolis,

0:21:550:21:59

rising from its slumber and greeting the brand new 24 hours

0:21:590:22:04

that lie ahead. The happy hour is often referred to

0:22:040:22:08

in cocktail bars or pubs,

0:22:080:22:10

where one is encouraged to become an alcoholic at half price. LAUGHTER

0:22:100:22:14

And this is a fantastic inducement for those people who can

0:22:140:22:18

no longer afford the hard liquor of their childhood.

0:22:180:22:21

I, for one, used to sup at my mother's knee.

0:22:210:22:24

It wasn't very painful for her, because she had a metallic one,

0:22:240:22:28

and it was magnificent, because I would see in the happy hour... BUZZER

0:22:280:22:32

-Erm, Stephen challenged.

-There were two "becauses" there. "It wasn't painful because..."

0:22:320:22:36

So, Stephen, you have a correct challenge. And you have 12 seconds. The "happy hour." Starting now.

0:22:360:22:41

I would endorse everything Paul Merton just said.

0:22:410:22:43

It does seem a rather cheap advertising gimmick

0:22:430:22:46

and a way of getting young people drunk cheaply and early.

0:22:460:22:49

-BUZZER

-Erm, Shappi challenged.

-"Cheap" and "cheaply".

0:22:490:22:52

-They're not the same words.

-No, no.

0:22:520:22:54

Well, good job I didn't interrupt you, then.

0:22:540:22:56

-LAUGHTER

-That would've been well embarrassing.

0:22:560:22:59

-But you did interrupt him, it's an incorrect challenge.

-Sorry.

0:22:590:23:02

No, don't apologise to me, darling. Apologise to the others. Cos he gets another point.

0:23:020:23:06

SHAPPI LAUGHS

0:23:060:23:08

And he has four seconds.

0:23:080:23:10

"Happy hour," starting now.

0:23:100:23:12

I believe some of the legislature...

0:23:120:23:14

-BUZZER

-Erm, Julian challenged.

0:23:140:23:15

Repetition of "believe."

0:23:150:23:17

-Yes, you did say "I believe" before, yes.

-He's awfully good!

-LAUGHTER

0:23:170:23:21

-I don't know, but it's so convincing.

-I thought you probably did.

0:23:210:23:24

I probably did. I probably said "rather" and I probably said "people."

0:23:240:23:27

Erm. You're very good at this, aren't you?

0:23:270:23:29

-Just calm yourself.

-All right, all right.

-LAUGHTER

0:23:290:23:33

Julian, correct challenge. Another point to you.

0:23:330:23:35

And you have three seconds only on "happy hour," starting now.

0:23:350:23:39

Every hour is happy hour round at my place. Gin and tonics for all.

0:23:390:23:43

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:23:430:23:44

APPLAUSE

0:23:440:23:47

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:23:490:23:51

So, Julian Clary was then speaking as the whistle went,

0:23:510:23:54

gained an extra point, and he has increased his lead at the end of the round.

0:23:540:23:58

-BELL TINKLES

-Oh, that little tinkle tells me something!

0:23:580:24:01

PAUL: We want the nurse back?

0:24:010:24:04

LAUGHTER

0:24:040:24:06

No, it is actually telling us that we have time for only one more round.

0:24:060:24:12

-AUDIENCE GROANS

-Ooooh!

0:24:120:24:13

Oh, Julian, we're back with you to begin. The subject, "Elvis."

0:24:130:24:18

Tell us something about "Elvis" in this game, starting now.

0:24:180:24:21

I started my career as an Elvis impersonator.

0:24:210:24:24

"In The Ghetto" was my show stopper,

0:24:240:24:28

and people would come from miles around to watch me

0:24:280:24:30

quivering my lips and shaking the hips

0:24:300:24:33

in a very Elvis fashion.

0:24:330:24:36

There are some footages on YouTube, which people admire,

0:24:360:24:40

and there are conventions which I turn up to in disguise as Elvis.

0:24:400:24:44

And, frankly, that's all I've got to say on the matter.

0:24:440:24:47

BUZZER

0:24:470:24:48

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:24:480:24:52

-So, Paul, you got in there first.

-Came to an elegant stop.

0:24:570:24:59

So, we call it hesitation. Paul, you have the subject of "Elvis."

0:24:590:25:03

There are 33 seconds available, starting now.

0:25:030:25:05

MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY IN ELVIS VOICE

0:25:050:25:08

BUZZER

0:25:080:25:09

LAUGHTER

0:25:090:25:11

-Julian.

-Erm, repetition. "A-la-la-la-la."

0:25:110:25:14

LAUGHTER

0:25:140:25:15

That's Elvis Presley, that's not my fault.

0:25:150:25:18

LAUGHTER

0:25:180:25:19

-He was a bit more distinct than that, I think.

-Was he?

0:25:190:25:21

How did he sound to you?

0:25:210:25:24

SINGS A MUMBLED ELVIS IMPRESSION

0:25:240:25:27

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:25:270:25:30

You knew him better than I did. LAUGHTER

0:25:340:25:36

So, Julian, we give the benefit of the doubt to you,

0:25:360:25:39

and it is "Elvis," still with you. 31 seconds, starting now.

0:25:390:25:42

People loved my "Jailhouse Rock," which wasn't particularly...

0:25:420:25:45

BUZZER

0:25:450:25:47

-Shappi challenged.

-Was it a bit hesitate-y?

-Yes.

-Sorry.

0:25:470:25:50

So you're catching up rapidly on them now, Shappi.

0:25:500:25:53

And 28 seconds still available. "Elvis," starting now.

0:25:530:25:57

We hear a lot about the food Elvis liked to eat

0:25:570:25:59

towards the end of his life, and a lot of people were appalled by it.

0:25:590:26:02

However, I'm quite intrigued by this thing he used to have,

0:26:020:26:05

an entire loaf of bread hollowed out,

0:26:050:26:08

with bacon in it and loads of cheese, and grilled.

0:26:080:26:12

I think that sounds delicious.

0:26:120:26:13

It's a real shame that it's unhealthy.

0:26:130:26:15

But I'd like an Elvis cookbook, because I think a lot of the stuff that he had, erm, would...

0:26:150:26:21

-BUZZER

-Julian challenged.

0:26:210:26:24

Oh, I'm afraid you hesitated.

0:26:240:26:27

I was starting to feel fat, as well, as I was talking about it, so I'm glad of that.

0:26:270:26:31

-You were interrupted with only three minutes to go.

-Three minutes!

0:26:310:26:34

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:26:340:26:36

-Oh, great!

-Time's going backwards!

0:26:360:26:40

PAUL: He's turned back time!

0:26:420:26:43

I'll say anything to get a round of applause.

0:26:430:26:46

"Hello, I'm your new milkman." He says that, sometimes.

0:26:460:26:49

LAUGHTER

0:26:490:26:50

Julian, you've got in, actually, with three seconds to go.

0:26:500:26:53

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:26:530:26:55

Which is correct, those are the rules of the game.

0:26:550:26:57

And you have another point. You have "Elvis" back with you.

0:26:570:27:00

Three seconds, starting now.

0:27:000:27:01

I am still often mistaken for Elvis. I can't set foot in America... BUZZER

0:27:010:27:05

Paul challenged.

0:27:050:27:06

That's no compliment, he's been dead 30 years.

0:27:060:27:09

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:27:090:27:11

Really. Extraordinary.

0:27:110:27:13

Although, now you say it, I can see what you mean.

0:27:130:27:16

LAUGHTER

0:27:160:27:18

Paul, I give you a bonus point cos we enjoyed the interruption,

0:27:180:27:21

but I don't know whether it's a legitimate challenge.

0:27:210:27:24

There's only half a second to go. So I'll give you both a point, all right? One to Paul Merton,

0:27:240:27:28

-one to Julian Clary...

-WHISTLE BLOWS

0:27:280:27:30

And that's the end of that round.

0:27:300:27:32

APPLAUSE

0:27:320:27:36

So, it only remains for me to give you the final score.

0:27:360:27:39

And Shappi did very well, she came in a brilliant fourth place.

0:27:390:27:42

No, no, it was very, very good.

0:27:420:27:44

Only a few points behind Stephen Fry,

0:27:440:27:46

who was in a very strong third place.

0:27:460:27:49

And one point ahead was Paul Merton.

0:27:490:27:52

But three points ahead of him was Julian Clary, so we say, Julian, you are our winner today.

0:27:520:27:57

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:27:570:28:01

So, it only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game.

0:28:040:28:10

So, from this delightful audience here in Television Centre,

0:28:100:28:12

and from me, Nicholas Parsons, and this wonderful team,

0:28:120:28:16

we say goodbye, thank you

0:28:160:28:18

and join us again the next time we play Just A Minute. Yes!

0:28:180:28:22

MUSIC: "Minute Waltz" by Frederic Chopin

0:28:220:28:27

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:290:28:33

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