Browse content similar to Episode 3. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
-Can I help you, sir? -Get the measuring tape out, mate. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
24-carat McGoldrick needs a custom-made suit. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
Boys, this bloody jester's taking all day. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:44 | |
I doubt we'll have time to go to the gym before tonight's session. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
How can we get our pump on without having got our pump on first? | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
OK, we'll just take a few measurements. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
So long as you don't use it as an excuse to touch Mike Junior, | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
you absolute bloody banter merchant! | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Boys, I doubt this bloody moron's going to have any customers | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
any time soon - what do you say we go #popupgym, right here? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
-Don't think there'll be the room. -Just you concentrate on making me a suit | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
so sweet more birds flock to it than a trawler coming | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
back into port at the end of an episode of Deadliest Catch. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
-Bro... -Yes. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:16 | |
-Bro... -Yes. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
-Bro... -Yes. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:19 | |
-Very small biceps for an adult male. -Er... | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
Somebody behind me you're talking to? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
Listen, pal - you don't need a measuring tape - | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
I need a medium suit with 5XL arms. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
Boys, I have a feeling I'm going to pull a 10 out of 10 tonight. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
Or maybe two 8/10s! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:32 | |
Alternatively, three 5/10s! Either way, | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
it's going to be an absolute bloody rager! | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
Sorry, you'll be busy. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
Anyway, it's going to take about 3½, four weeks. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
Er, mate - we're going for an avocado | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
and protein smoothie right now. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
You'd better have it ready by the time we get back. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
The night out's tonight. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
It's a custom-made suit. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
For God's sake, it's Barry McGuigan's 55th birthday do in the Europa. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
I will buy your house and evict you from it. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
This is a song for all the bitches in your lives. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:14 | |
So please, feel free to learn it and make use of it. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:18 | |
# I hope that no-one laughs | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
# At your jokes again | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
# I hope late-night online bingo | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
# Will become your only friend # | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
# I hope deodorant | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
# No longer works for you | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
# And the dogshit in the street will always find your shoe | 0:02:37 | 0:02:44 | |
# I hope on busy days | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
# Your car will not start | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
# And at your next smear test appointment | 0:02:53 | 0:02:57 | |
# You let out a fanny fart | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
# I should just clarify, I don't want harm to come to you | 0:03:00 | 0:03:05 | |
# But on second thoughts, incurable cystitis would do | 0:03:06 | 0:03:13 | |
# I pray from this day on | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
# Your tights will always rip | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
# And no treatment on this earth | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
# Will shift that hair above your lip | 0:03:28 | 0:03:33 | |
# I hope you end up last in every queue you're in | 0:03:33 | 0:03:38 | |
# But most of all I hope you see that I'm OK | 0:03:39 | 0:03:44 | |
# And that you didn't... | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
# Win. # | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
That's the problem with youth today. | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
And this is exactly why we need a Neighbourhood Watch, | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
because if it wasn't for me keeping an eye on what was | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
going on in the street, then all sorts of weirdos would be moving in. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:13 | |
MUSIC STARTS UP | 0:04:13 | 0:04:14 | |
But nothing gets past me. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Those kids are up to something, but when they start, | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
I'm going to be here. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
I don't miss a thing. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:23 | |
My name is Fergus O'Queeff | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
and that's with a capital Q and two Fs, please. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:33 | |
I... | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
grew up in West Belfast and people frequently say to me, they say... | 0:04:35 | 0:04:40 | |
"Fergus, have you forgotten where you came from?" and I say, "Well, | 0:04:41 | 0:04:45 | |
"I have three fridges now..." | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
And to me, that screams status. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
I suppose some of you may know me, you'd certainly know my work, | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
but some of you may know me as the Hit Machine, | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
that's what I'm known as on the streets. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
I prefer to think of myself as a rugged | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
influence on the music of the last 30, 35 years. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
I...got into this business | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
via a career in street dance and... | 0:05:12 | 0:05:16 | |
..I remember when I would be growing up - | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
I grew up in West Belfast - | 0:05:19 | 0:05:20 | |
people would shout things across the street at me | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
when I was in my spandex, they would shout things, they would say... | 0:05:22 | 0:05:26 | |
"Faggot", "Tippy Gaylord", or... | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
You know, "shirt lifter" or "nonce" or something like that | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
and I'd just ignore it and continue to do my steps, but... | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
I... | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
I suppose this is a business that I've stayed in... | 0:05:38 | 0:05:42 | |
People often ask me why I've stayed in it | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
and I suppose the reason | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
why I stayed in it for so long is because of the people. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:51 | |
Now, I recall when Gordon was at the early part of his journey... | 0:05:51 | 0:05:57 | |
Gordon Sumner, you might know him as Sting, but... | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
He... | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
He came to me... | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
and he said... "Ciaran..." | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
I said, "My name's Fergus." And he said... | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
He said to me... | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
Please, please. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
He said to me, he said... | 0:06:18 | 0:06:21 | |
"I want to write a Christmas album" | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
and I said, "Gordon, I love it. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
"However, wouldn't you like to do something a little bit more | 0:06:26 | 0:06:30 | |
"avant-garde? You know you love the avant-garde." | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
And he said, "Well, what sort of stuff do you mean?" | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
And I said, not Christmas album, but winter song book. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
And... | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
He went away and we put Prokofiev and Shostakovich | 0:06:40 | 0:06:44 | |
and all those guys in there, and we used it, and nobody bought it. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
But... | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
..it was the art that spoke to me. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
You know, I've worked with Gordon, like I say, | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
since the start of his journey | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
and I remember... | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
You'll enjoy this, it's a good story about early Gordon Sumner! | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
He came to me and he said to me, | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
"I have this song and it's about a streetwalker | 0:07:03 | 0:07:09 | |
"that I met in Newcastle upon Tyne" and I said, "What's it called?" | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
And he said "Joanne". I said, | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
"Don't know... Let me hear it." | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
He picked a guitar up and this is the way it went... It went... | 0:07:18 | 0:07:21 | |
# Jo-anne.... | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
# You don't have to take off your red tights | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
# Your pubes are hairy | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
# Your pubes are ginger and you're not all that bright... # | 0:07:32 | 0:07:36 | |
And I said, "I don't know, Gordon, | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
"if everybody shares your desire | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
"for rusty-pubed hookers..." | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
He said, "Let me leave that with you" and he did. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
I took it and I said, "Gordon, we want a song that rocks, yes?" | 0:07:50 | 0:07:55 | |
He said, "How are we going to do that?" | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
I said, "Let's change the name". | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
Let's change it to Roxanne. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
And he did and it was a major hit, platinum, and he... | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
He was with me, we were at a party | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
at Pamela Valentine's house recently... | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
He leaned into my ear from over the couch | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
and he leaned into my ear | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
and he said, "Ciaran...", | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
and I said, "It's Fergus..." | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
He leaned in here and he said... | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
"Thank you for helping me with Roxanne. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
"You are an inspiration. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
"You're the reason why angels play harps." | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
And I said to him, "Thank you, Gordon" - | 0:08:34 | 0:08:38 | |
and that was just so early Gordon Sumner, that's the way he was. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
And I recall he came to me with another idea, | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
it was a song called Fields of Gold. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
It was originally about trawling the darker side of the internet. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:50 | |
And... | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
He left it with me | 0:08:52 | 0:08:53 | |
and we made that one a little more accessible as well, you know. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:58 | |
Sure. Sure. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
And, you know... That was Gordon. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
So, we've been able to go forward in time | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
and get some tweets about the show - this isn't live, | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
but use #latelicence if you want to get involved. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
Fortunately, I've been able to travel forward in time | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
and just get some of those. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
The first one is, | 0:09:17 | 0:09:18 | |
"I saw Shane Todd in the waiting room of my dentist recently | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
"and he wasn't that funny." | 0:09:21 | 0:09:22 | |
Number two, "Shane Todd looks a bit like a young Vladimir Putin", so... | 0:09:25 | 0:09:29 | |
Don't know. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
"When will this programme mention The Troubles, please?" | 0:09:34 | 0:09:38 | |
"The moment when you find out Mike McGoldrick isn't a real person | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
"and it's someone called Sean Toms." | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Not my name. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
"Why is Shane Todd?" Yep, that's just it - why is Shane Todd? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
Thanks a million, guys. God loves a trier, but hates Shane Todd. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:57 | |
And that one comes in from my dad, so thanks a lot. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
Appreciate it. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:05 | |
-That music is music to my ears. -FALSETTO: -Absolutely gorgeous. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:16 | |
-So, we are Chuck McGinley and... -The Manboy. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
Before we became a country music duo, | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
we formed a couple of different bands before that. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
We had the hip-hop collective, Beastie Aldi Boys, | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
-we had the metal group, um... -Rage Against The Justine... | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
Rage Against The Justine - I used to have a girlfriend called Justine. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
-Hallion? -Full-scale Hallion. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
We're a big fan of Busted, so we're going to form an Irish cover group, | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
call it McBusted and then they joined up with McFly, didn't they... | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
-That's right. -And you were a big fan of Busted. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
Big fan until they tried to sue us. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:44 | |
They tried to sue us cos we stole the name McBusted. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
-Claimed a fortune, I haven't listened to them since. -No. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
-Threw the T-shirt out. -And the posters - I kept one. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:52 | |
He kept one, in case he runs out of toilet roll. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
I noticed then Chuck had a striking resemblance to Garth Brooks, | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
so we decided to get into the country business, | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
and then Garth Brooks cancelled all them gigs in Dublin. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
-That wasn't good craic. -Wasn't good craic - we were getting death threats and all. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:06 | |
I walked out one morning, there was a full horse's head stuck on a spike. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
In the band, I play the guitar, | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
I write most of the songs | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
and the Manboy here, he takes care of the vocals, don't you? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:18 | |
# Yeah, I do! # | 0:11:18 | 0:11:19 | |
He does and he also plays the percussion, | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
takes care of the rhythm section. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
Sorry. Sorry... That's not in time at all. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
Who's playing percussion, me or you, Chuck? | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
I don't see anyone playing percussion round here. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
And if you're liking that, Chuck will send it to you | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
via Bluetooth for a polyphonic ring tone. How much is it, Chuck? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
3.95 and then the rest of the album's on my Bebo page. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:49 | |
My cousin recently asked me to be usher at his wedding, | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
but... I told him I don't really do impressions. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
He doesn't get it. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
This is great, like filming in Belfast. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
I love travelling round, though - getting out there | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
and doing stand-up in as many different places as possible. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
It's my main passion. I did a show in London recently and it sold out. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
I couldn't believe it. I didn't think I'd get five people, | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
never mind six. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:21 | |
But it was good and after the gig... It went well, | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
we told the whole audience to go back to a bar near the venue | 0:12:25 | 0:12:29 | |
and everybody came and we got chatting to this guy. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
I was still buzzing and he was like, "Great show, really enjoyed it". | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
He was from Northern Ireland, like many of the audience were, | 0:12:34 | 0:12:37 | |
and he said just weird request, though. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
"Are you going back to Belfast tomorrow?" | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
I was like, "Yeah, I'm travelling back first thing". | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
And he said, "I was wondering if you'd do me a favour. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
"If my mate met you at the airport, could you give him this package? | 0:12:46 | 0:12:50 | |
Just like a small package. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
And I went from buzzing to gutted | 0:12:52 | 0:12:53 | |
when I realised people had started working out it was cheaper to | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
buy tickets to my show in London than to pay postage and packing... | 0:12:56 | 0:13:00 | |
To send stuff back home. So... | 0:13:01 | 0:13:05 | |
Shane Todd, part-time comedian, full-time courier, living the... | 0:13:05 | 0:13:09 | |
Living the dream, lads. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:10 | |
You see, a lot of people would use the mini fridge to keep their | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
lunch in, but I keep my sandwiches in the desk drawer, out of the sun. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:22 | |
The soup I make in the morning and then I leave it on the radiator | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
so it's always toasty | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
and I keep my orange juice behind the monitor, where it is nice | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
and cool and that leaves | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
the fridge free for me to store my pee-pee in. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:36 |