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I'm off to do my telly show. Will you be all right on your own? | 0:00:01 | 0:00:04 | |
-Yeah. -Yeah! | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
Make sure you get an early night. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
You got school to bunk in the morning. Later! | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
This programme contains strong language. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:24 | |
This programme contains adult humour. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:31 | |
Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. Quality! | 0:00:39 | 0:00:43 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
Yes! | 0:00:48 | 0:00:52 | |
Love your hat. Love you, sweetheart. You're very nice. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:56 | |
You legend. Hello, yes! Spread the love, spread the love. | 0:00:56 | 0:01:00 | |
Spread the love. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
Spread the love up there. Yeah, yeah, you're magic. She's nice. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
She's nice, too. You legend. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
Yes! | 0:01:09 | 0:01:13 | |
Welcome to Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
I'm Lee Nelson! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Yes, joining me on my show tonight, he's so fat he's got tits. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:26 | |
I love him to bits, it's my best mate Omelette! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
Yeah! My nan's going to be singing some hip hop! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:36 | |
Hello, Nan. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
And I'll be hoping that girl over there | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
is up for doing pretty much anything. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
It's Lee Nelson's Well Good Show. Quality! | 0:01:47 | 0:01:51 | |
People, I am in the mood of my life, | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
let me tell you that for nothing, I is going to be an uncle. | 0:01:56 | 0:02:00 | |
Yeah, it's amazing! My sister's pregnant. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
She could not believe it. She was like, "O-M-G! | 0:02:05 | 0:02:12 | |
"How did that happen? I don't understand. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
"My fella was definitely wearing a johnny." | 0:02:14 | 0:02:18 | |
I had to explain to her that don't matter | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
cos none of the other fellas was. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
Oh, 15-year-olds, eh? | 0:02:25 | 0:02:29 | |
Don't get me wrong, people, I love my sister. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
Not as much as I love my stepsister. Hm, hm, hm, hm. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
Yeah, I banged her the one time. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
A little bit uncomfortable the next day. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
But that's crabs, isn't it? | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
Oh, my gosh. I love my family so much, people. | 0:02:56 | 0:03:00 | |
I'm like a family man. People don't realise that about me. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
I've started looking for my family tree | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
which is the most proper interesting thing ever. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
You know I is Lee Nelson, yeah? | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
My great, great, great, great, great, great granddad | 0:03:09 | 0:03:13 | |
is Admiral Nelson. Yes. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:17 | |
That is a buzz and a half, people, | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
knowing my family, like, invented multi-car insurance. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:24 | |
Has anyone here looked into their family tree? | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
Hands up if you have. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
-What about you, geezer, have you looked into it? -Er, no. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
Do it! Do you know what I mean? For all you know you, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
you could have a dad. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
I found out my great, great, great, great grandma had 11 kids. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:45 | |
Is that not mental? 11 kids - that don't happen nowadays. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
I wanted to know why and I looked into it, I done research. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
I found out the reason was apparently, | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
she was a massive slag. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
Geezer over here in the... In the little... | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Erm, the ridiculous hat. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:04 | 0:04:05 | |
-Have you looked into your family tree? -No. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
We should help this man out cos I know all about family trees and that | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
cos I done so much research into it. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
-What's your name? -Louis. -Louis? -Yeah. -No, the surname. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
The first name just tells me your parents were bellends. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
-What's your surname, Louis? -Turner. -Louis Turner? -Yeah. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
Do you realise your family is Lords? | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
-No. -Yes. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Gaylords. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
My family is a little bit, sort of messed up, you know, | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
cos my old man left my mum for her sister. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:53 | |
She tells the story of what happened. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
My mum and dad was at it in bed together, all right? | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
My old man used to shout my mum's name | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
and my mum's name is Sally, | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
and my mum's sister's name is Molly. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
And that night, my old man, he's in bed with my mum | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
and instead of shouting, "Oh, Sally!" | 0:05:11 | 0:05:18 | |
The idiot shouts, "Oh! | 0:05:18 | 0:05:23 | |
"I'm fucking your sister." | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
-Sweetie pie, is your parents still together and that? -No. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:38 | |
No? Oh, my gosh, let me comfort you. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:41 | |
That's so terrible to hear. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
You've got to get over it. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
Who's this geezer over here? He's your dad? | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
-That's your other daughter, there? -Yeah. -Jesus Christ. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
Your missus must have been fucking fit. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:09 | |
-Not bad. -Cos they're both well nice, | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
and you're, with all due respect, fucking ugly. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
Sweetie pie, have you done nothing looking into your family tree | 0:06:17 | 0:06:20 | |
or nothing like that? | 0:06:20 | 0:06:21 | |
-Not really. -We should do it together, babe. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
Start a new branch. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
And we'd, like, find out that your great, great, great, great uncle | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
was a farmer cos you is well good at raising cocks. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:37 | |
And that your great, great, great, great, great, great granddad | 0:06:44 | 0:06:48 | |
was Colonel Sanders cos you is finger licking good. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:52 | |
And I want to touch her family bucket. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
I've got to be honest - it's a bit awkward with you here. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
I think family's well important, man. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
Who, here, is in tonight with their families? | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
Anyone, people? You, over here. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
So, what's you, sweetheart? Who's...? Is you...? | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
That the mum over there? | 0:07:16 | 0:07:17 | |
You're with your family. That's the mum over there. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
Do you reckon you know each other quite well? A lot of head nodding. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:24 | |
Shall we find out just how well these people know each other? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
AUDIENCE: Yeah! | 0:07:27 | 0:07:28 | |
Let's play How Well Do U Know Ur Family? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:33 | |
# How Well Do U Know Ur Family? # | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
Yes! | 0:07:38 | 0:07:43 | |
How Well Do U Know Ur Family? involves finding out | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
how well you know your family. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
So, if you two can come with me over here, | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
and stand behind your How Well Do U Know Ur Family? podiums. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:55 | |
You, sweetheart, over here, nearer me. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
You, fella, over there, you legend. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
So, question one. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
If your mums had to change one thing about themselves, | 0:08:03 | 0:08:09 | |
what would they change? | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
All right? | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
Omelette, if you had to change one thing about yourself, what would you change? | 0:08:12 | 0:08:16 | |
I'd say my pants. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
Sweetie pie, what do you think your mum | 0:08:24 | 0:08:28 | |
would most like to change about herself? | 0:08:28 | 0:08:32 | |
Hold it up. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
AUDIENCE: Oooh! | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
Now, your mum would actually like to change... | 0:08:42 | 0:08:46 | |
..her boobs. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:48 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:48 | 0:08:52 | |
I'm afraid you don't know your mum that well. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
Let's see about the Moulton family. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
Fella, what do you think | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
your mum would most like to change about herself? | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
AUDIENCE: Oooh! | 0:09:04 | 0:09:07 | |
Oh, this is a family splitter. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
He thought the thing you'd most like to change about yourself | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
is your weight. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Mum, you would actually change your... | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
Lipo on the stomach! | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
Yes! You legend. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:33 | |
It was good, wasn't it? | 0:09:33 | 0:09:34 | |
You knew your mum thinks she's well fat. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:38 | |
That's brilliant, that is. Well done. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
Yous got a point. Well done, the Moultons. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
Question number two. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
Where's the most mental place | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
you think your mums has ever had sex? | 0:09:53 | 0:09:58 | |
AUDIENCE GASPS | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
Right, here we go. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
My man, what is the most mental place you think your mum has ever had sex? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:19 | |
Hold it up. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
AUDIENCE: Oooh! | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
She done it with your dad. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
Over and over and over. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
Your son thought you've never had sex in your life. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:44 | |
Sweetheart, what is the most mental place you've ever had sex? | 0:10:44 | 0:10:49 | |
On the beach. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
Dirty, dirty girl. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
Sweetie pie, | 0:11:05 | 0:11:06 | |
where do you think the most mental place | 0:11:06 | 0:11:10 | |
that your mum has ever had sex? What you got? | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
Wherever I was conceived cos that's the only time she's had sex. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:17 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
Ah, you could not be more wrong about your mum. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
-I don't want to show it. -You don't want to show it. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
That's the point of the game - it's humiliating. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
Sweetheart, your daughter thought you've only ever had sex once. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:44 | |
Tell us what is the most mental place you've ever had sex. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:48 | |
Hold up your card. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:49 | |
Oooh! | 0:11:50 | 0:11:51 | |
AUDIENCE: Oooh! | 0:11:51 | 0:11:55 | |
Yes! | 0:12:03 | 0:12:04 | |
Oh, yes. In a Ferrari. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
That is... I bet you the gear stick's never smelt the same since. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:12 | |
That's brilliant. Tell us a little bit more about that. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
AUDIENCE: Tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:25 | |
-Who was it? Go on. -It wasn't my husband. -It wasn't your husband? | 0:12:25 | 0:12:29 | |
GASPING | 0:12:29 | 0:12:33 | |
This is brilliant. It's Lee Kyle show. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
People, the scores - it's one-nil to the Moultons. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:52 | |
The Alexanders, I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
Let's show some love for the Alexanders, | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
whose family don't know each other brilliantly. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
You two is through to the final. The Moulton's! | 0:13:05 | 0:13:11 | |
Yes! | 0:13:11 | 0:13:12 | |
It is the Conveyor Belt Round. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
All you've got to do is remember as many items as possible. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:25 | |
Let's start the belt! | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
CHEERING | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
Right, a portrait of my great, great, great, great granddad. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:33 | |
My little sister's positive pregnancy test. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
Omelette's diabetes medication. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:41 | |
An eighth. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
Omelette's girlfriend. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
Some amateur porn. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
Oh, I'll have that, actually. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
Yes, innit. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
My Auntie Janet. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
An emergency wallet johnny, | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
belonging to my Auntie Janet. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
Omelette's dinner. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
And finally, a cuddly fat legend. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
Yeah! | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
Moulton family, | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
you've got 20 seconds to remember as many items as you can. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:56 | |
Off you go. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:57 | |
-Condom, pregnancy test. -Condom, the pregnancy test. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
-Diabetes pills. -Diabetes pills, yes. -Portrait of your uncle. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:04 | |
-Auntie Janet. -Auntie Janet, yes! | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
-Omelette's dinner four times. -What about Omelette himself? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:09 | |
-The cuddle fat legend. -The porno! -The porno, yes, yes, yes. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:14 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:15:14 | 0:15:15 | |
Yes, yes, yes! | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
Oh, Moultons, congratulations. You have won tonight's star prize. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:25 | |
It is massive. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
It is your very own Moulton family tree! | 0:15:28 | 0:15:33 | |
-Oh, there it is, man. Have you got a garden? -No. -No. -Oh, my... | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
That's going to look a little bit shit in your kitchen. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:47 | |
People, let's give it up for the Moulton family. Yes! | 0:15:48 | 0:15:53 | |
You've done proper brilliant. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
Oh, you legends! | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
It's time now for our weekly hit of Jason Bent! | 0:15:57 | 0:16:02 | |
MUSIC: "Yeah!" by Usher | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
Jason Bent is one of the Premier League's brightest talents | 0:16:04 | 0:16:09 | |
and we've been given 110% access to his life. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
This is 110% Bent. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:20 | |
It's an incredibly proud day for Jason. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
He's been formally announced as the new England captain | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
and is about to face the world's media. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
The Mirror. Jason, congratulations. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
What went through your mind when you heard you were getting the arm band? | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
I just thought, "Fantastic." | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
Erm, I'm not a very strong swimmer. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
Sky Sports News. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:48 | |
Jason, there were a number of players in contention for the captaincy. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
Have they been supportive since the manager made his decision? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
Yeah. I think everyone realises it doesn't matter who the captain is, | 0:16:55 | 0:17:00 | |
we're still a very shit team. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
The Times. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:07 | |
Jason, just how much of a blow to the team's confidence | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
was the disastrous World Cup campaign in South Africa? | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
I don't think it was a big blow. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
I mean, pretty early on in the tournament, | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
we realised we weren't going to win it, | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
so we decided to just have a 24-day holiday. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
I hope it's some consolation to the supporters | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
who took time off work and spent thousands following us | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
and were left absolutely gutted, | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
that we had a fucking great time out there. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
I think we trained once. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
The Guardian. Jason, despite the recent lack of success, | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
it must be a real boost to the squad | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
that England fans still seem to be fully behind the team. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
The Tonga friendly's already sold out. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
Yeah, I mean, to sell out Wembley for a friendly against Tonga. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:54 | |
You know, the England supporters never fail to amaze me. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
What a bunch of fucking morons they are, | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
to shell out 50 quid for a meaningless friendly | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
against one of the shitest teams in the world. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
I think they need to take a long, hard look at themselves | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
and get a fucking life. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:10 | |
Oh, people, people, people, I'll be honest with you, | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
my head's a little bit mashed up at this moment. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
I just got back from my mate's stag. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
Yes! | 0:18:27 | 0:18:28 | |
Proper mental. Ten of us, mountain biking in Iceland. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
Oh, yeah! | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
It wasn't the cleverest idea, I'll be honest with you - | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
after about ten minutes, we all got booted out the shop. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
We all live on the estate together. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
You get all different types, all living together, | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
all getting on and that's what I like about it. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
We got, like, the Muslim boys on the estate. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
We've got the Muslim crew in the house tonight. Give us a cheer. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:59 | |
Yeah, loads of you. That's so good. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
I always try and go clubbing with the Muslim boys. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't drink a drop. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
I can get a lift there and back. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Because every culture has got a different attitude | 0:19:16 | 0:19:20 | |
towards alcohol, innit. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:22 | |
The Mexicans... Oh, my gosh, their attitude to alcohol. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:25 | |
They're psychos with their alcohol. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
Do you know the Mexicans, they take the beer | 0:19:28 | 0:19:30 | |
and then they put it in the bottle, | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
and then they put a bit of lime in. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:35 | |
So, when they bottle someone, it stings that little bit extra. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
Psychos. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:43 | |
We got any foreign people in the house tonight? | 0:19:46 | 0:19:49 | |
Foreign people, hands up. Let's show some love for the foreign people. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:53 | |
-Where's about are you from, sweetheart? -Australia. -Welcome, baby. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:57 | |
What's it like out there? | 0:19:57 | 0:19:58 | |
All the beaches and the hot weather and the barbeques and that. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:02 | |
Do you miss it a little bit? | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
-Yeah, I miss it. -Yeah, probably about time you fucked off home. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
I'm only ripping it, do you know what I mean? | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
We'll have a drink in the bar afterwards? | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
Do you promise you'll serve me first? | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
I love the estate, it's all different people from all different places. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:33 | |
It's the best, you know. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:34 | |
We've even got a gay fella on the estate - | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
really nice guy, you know. Like, proper nice fella, decent guy. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:41 | |
You know how with some people, you can't tell if they're gay or not, | 0:20:41 | 0:20:44 | |
he's got gay written all over him. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
And his car. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
I think that's out of order. He's a good fella, a good man. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
What's his name? | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
Louis Turner. | 0:20:58 | 0:20:59 | |
Do you remember, people was giving you stick? | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
And you come up to me and you said, | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
"Can I walk with you?" | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
and I was like, "Of course, just take that fucking hat off." | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
We was walking along and these idiots on the balcony, | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
shouting down, "Oh, backs against the walls." | 0:21:25 | 0:21:30 | |
"Louis Turner's about!" | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
And I stuck up for you, innit? I went mental at them. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
I was like, "Backs against the walls? | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
"You ignorant, fucking idiots! | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
"Do you not realise he could still suck you off?" | 0:21:42 | 0:21:46 | |
Oi, enough from me, now it's time for Life Begins With Dr Bob! | 0:21:57 | 0:22:03 | |
Every second, | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
of every minute, | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
of every day, | 0:22:10 | 0:22:11 | |
a new baby is born. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
Stop screaming. It's not going to make things better. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
We put cameras into the wards | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
of one of the busiest maternity hospitals in the country... | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
Show me the baby! | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
Help! Shit. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:29 | |
..following Dr Bob and his team of midwives. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:33 | |
I've lost my pen. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
It's a baby. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:37 | |
Life Begins With Dr Bob. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
Yeah, well, if you're booked in... | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:22:54 | 0:22:57 | |
SCREAMING | 0:22:57 | 0:23:01 | |
Teenage pregnancy is definitely becoming | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
more and more commonplace in this area. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
When these young girls come into hospital, | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
it's very scary for them, | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
so, I make sure they see me less as a doctor | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
and more as friend, by using language they can relate to. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:22 | |
Hello, you bitch! | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
I'm Dr fucking Bob, innit. | 0:23:28 | 0:23:30 | |
We need to get this fucking baby out of you, | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
so the first thing I'd like to do is check out your snatch. Simples. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:38 | |
Wassup? | 0:23:40 | 0:23:43 | |
Where's your family? | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
Your mum and this fucking baby's dad not checking this out? | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
They're on their way. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
O-M-G, this one is really bitching you out. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:53 | |
Take a toke on this, it's the dogs bollocks. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
Go easy. You'll start to feel sick, you crazy bitch. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:05 | |
Hey, classy! | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
Push, keep pushing! | 0:24:16 | 0:24:19 | |
-Oh, it hurts so much. -Squeeze my hand. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
SHE SCREAMS AND BONE CRACKS | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:24:24 | 0:24:28 | |
The baby! Yes. Are you the father? | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
-Yeah. -Yes, are you sure? | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
-Yeah. -Reconsider time! | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
BABY CRIES | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
Well, dear, because your baby was born | 0:24:50 | 0:24:52 | |
a little early, we're going to put him in an incubator. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:56 | |
He'll be a lot better off in there and to be on the safe side, | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
I'll take out my chickens. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:01 | |
Good chickens. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
Hello, Omelette. Do you know what it's time for? | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
-I don't want to do it. -Well, I do. It's your Peer Pressure Challenge! | 0:25:14 | 0:25:20 | |
# Omelette's Peer Pressure Challenge! # | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:25 | 0:25:29 | |
Omelette, on this wheel is three things | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
and at the end of the show, you have to do one of them. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:37 | |
Do you fancy - | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
having an ice bath? | 0:25:39 | 0:25:42 | |
AUDIENCE: Oooh! | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
No, I don't. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:46 | |
Is you up for snogging my Auntie Janet? | 0:25:46 | 0:25:51 | |
AUDIENCE GROANS | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
No, I'm really not, absolutely. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:57 | |
How's about eating the hottest chilli known to man? | 0:25:57 | 0:26:03 | |
CHEERING | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
No, thanks. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
Well, you'll have to do one of them, my man, | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
cos it's Omelette's Peer Pressure Challenge! | 0:26:11 | 0:26:13 | |
Spin that wheel! | 0:26:13 | 0:26:15 | |
Yes! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:25 | |
Omelette, is you going to snog my Auntie Janet with tongues? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
CHEERING | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
-No, I'm absolutely not. -Well, we will see about that. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:45 | |
Everyone, let's pressure him into it! | 0:26:45 | 0:26:48 | |
AUDIENCE: Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! | 0:26:48 | 0:26:52 | |
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! | 0:26:52 | 0:26:57 | |
You going to do it now? | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
Yeah, all right. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
Yes! | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
We've peer pressured him into it! | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
Oh! Off you go and brush your teeth, my man. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
It's time, now, to reveal this week's Audience Bellend. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:16 | |
CHEERING | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
Legend. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:38 | |
Oh, brilliant, what a bellend. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:43 | |
There's just one more thing to come. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:47 | |
It's my nan singing! Come on down, Nan! | 0:27:47 | 0:27:51 | |
Thank you for watching. Thank you for coming. Hello, Nan. | 0:27:51 | 0:27:56 | |
Nan, who is you going to be for us tonight? | 0:27:57 | 0:28:01 | |
I'm going to be Cypress Hill, I'm Going Insane In The Membrane. | 0:28:01 | 0:28:05 | |
Yes! Take it away, Nan! | 0:28:05 | 0:28:09 | |
MUSIC: "Insane In The Brain" by Cypress Hill | 0:28:09 | 0:28:13 | |
# Don't make me we wreck, hectic Next to the chair | 0:28:13 | 0:28:16 | |
# Get on going ... Electric | 0:28:16 | 0:28:19 | |
# Oh, the lights are building | 0:28:19 | 0:28:20 | |
# And I'm thinking It's all over when I go drinking | 0:28:20 | 0:28:23 | |
# Making up my mind slow | 0:28:23 | 0:28:26 | |
# That's why I fuck... | 0:28:26 | 0:28:29 | |
# Like me, I'm going insane... # | 0:28:29 | 0:28:31 | |
Oh, my gosh! | 0:28:31 | 0:28:32 | |
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! | 0:28:32 | 0:28:35 | |
# Insane in the membrane Insane in the membrane | 0:28:35 | 0:28:38 | |
# Insane in the membrane Insane in the membrane... # | 0:28:38 | 0:28:43 | |
You've got to give it some tongues, innit. | 0:28:43 | 0:28:45 | |
# Insane in the membrane Insane in the brain | 0:28:45 | 0:28:50 | |
# Insane in the membrane... # | 0:28:50 | 0:28:52 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:52 | 0:28:54 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:28:54 | 0:28:57 |