Browse content similar to Wasp in Translation. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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This programme contains some strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
Uh, do you mind? | 0:00:11 | 0:00:14 | |
You bet, mate. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:15 | |
You ready? | 0:00:17 | 0:00:18 | |
-Beautiful. -Cheers. -No worries. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
-You can't even do a wee in peace. -Oh, it's nice to give something back. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
-Hey, does Essie get hassled as well? -Oh, does she ever. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
I don't really care, you know, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
as long as they leave the kids alone. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
HE INHALES | 0:00:38 | 0:00:39 | |
Ben? | 0:00:43 | 0:00:44 | |
I'm going to need to see some cash up front. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:52 | |
Certainly. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:53 | |
There you are. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
It's supposed to be 360. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
The lady on the phone said 300. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
You, um, take credit? | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
Cash only. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
Look, I'm in A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Botanic Gardens. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
Happy to put you on the door. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:21 | |
Look, I'm sorry, if you don't have the cash... | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
It's OK. Here's 60, mate. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
OK. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:33 | |
Thank you, man. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
-It's for a good cause. -(No worries.) | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
Beautiful frock. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
You know you have lovely skin. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
-We should get rid of those, hey? -Mm. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Lose the, uh... | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
ZIPPER UNFASTENS | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
Ohh! | 0:01:53 | 0:01:54 | |
WOMAN LAUGHS SOFTLY | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
How'd you go? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
Oh, that is glorious! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
Boss, just got Ben Hollander in a toilet tryst | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
with a 360-a-pop callgirl, pics included. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:16 | |
Yep, drugs as well. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Yep, he's still married. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
I'm thinking "Gotcha - Hooker, Line and Stinker." | 0:02:20 | 0:02:24 | |
# The wintergreen the juniper | 0:02:29 | 0:02:34 | |
# The cornflower and the chicory | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
# Well all of the words you said to me | 0:02:37 | 0:02:41 | |
# Are still vibrating in the air | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
# The elm the ash and the linden tree | 0:02:44 | 0:02:48 | |
# The dark and deep enchanted sea | 0:02:48 | 0:02:53 | |
# The trembling moon and the stars unfurled | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
# Well there she goes my beautiful world | 0:02:56 | 0:03:00 | |
# There she goes my beautiful world | 0:03:00 | 0:03:04 | |
# There she goes my beautiful world | 0:03:04 | 0:03:08 | |
# There she goes my beautiful world | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
# There she goes again. # | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
'The Sunday Sun's number one columnist Alex Burchill | 0:03:18 | 0:03:22 | |
'has done many things he isn't proud of | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
'and the things he is proud of are morally reprehensible.' | 0:03:24 | 0:03:29 | |
Hey. Caught Ben Hollander, hey? | 0:03:29 | 0:03:32 | |
-Guess you won't want those tickets? -No, I'll take them. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
Oh, OK. Bob, Bob! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
-Janine, I need to claim 60 on expenses. -Seth Rogen's people called. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Apparently you referred to him as Seth Bogan in your column. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
They want to know if it was a typo or a misguided attempt at humour. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
I think it was a misguided attempt at humour. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Alan, are you OK, mate? | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
I'm meant to be showing the new cadet around, | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
but I find him strangely intimidating. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Mate, I think you just need to bite the bullet. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
But what if he doesn't like me? | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
-Hey, do you need me for anything? -No, you're all right. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
Susan's asked me to redo her head shot. She wants a happy one. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
Alex, your Hollander piece, in the fourth para, you write, | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
" 'The lady on the phone told me 300', declared Hollander." | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
-Mmm. -Perhaps we should use said rather than declared, | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
unless, of course, he shouted it as if from a rooftop. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
-"The lady on the phone told me 300!" Did he do that? -No. -OK. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:33 | |
-We'll stick with said, then. -OK. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
-Hey, what's going on with Neil? -The editor's sacking people. -Oh, no! | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
Don't look. He's watching us. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
-Just pretend we're having a normal conversation. -All right, um, | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
so what are you doing on the weekend? | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
Actually, I'm going to have a threesome. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
Right. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
PHONE BEEPS | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
Hmm, I'm going in. Wish me luck. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
Oh, shut the door. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:14 | |
-What are they saying? -All good. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
We still don't have a splash. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
How are things going with Wasp Warneke? | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
-Hope van der Boom looking after him? -No, Trudy March. Ooh. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:30 | |
-Yeah, like he doesn't 'do' tabloids, apparently. -Wanker. -Mmm. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:34 | |
Tell Trudy if she gives us a face-to-face with him, | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
I'll do a piece on him saving the Amazon. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
She's worried we're going to ask him about tantra. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
Mate, if this paper were in trouble, pieces on blokes rooting sheilas | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
-for five hours would keep it afloat. -Is it in trouble? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:49 | |
-Nup. -I notice Neil's leaving. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
-Well, we can't carry B-graders. -Neil's a Walkley winner. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
-Is he? -(FROM MAIN OFFICE) What? Great(!) | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
-Is that Wendy? -Must have read my email. | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
We're streamlining the gardening pages, too. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
-Should I be worried? -No, because you're going to get Trudy March | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
to give us an exclusive with one of rock'n'roll's most enduring rooters. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:11 | |
'Rock'n'roll's most enduring rooter arrived in town promoting his album | 0:06:11 | 0:06:15 | |
'Concubine of the Soul.' | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
Trudy. Alex Burchill. How are you? | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
'It's not going to happen, Alex.' | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
What if the piece focuses on his plans to save the Amazon? | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
You able to get your editors to go for that? | 0:06:27 | 0:06:30 | |
Yeah, our readers are getting their heads around environmental issues. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
Yeah, what about the profound wisdom of tantric sex? | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
I don't know. Who's interested in a man having sex with his wife? | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
Five hours is a long time, Alex. Sure your readers aren't interested? | 0:06:39 | 0:06:44 | |
-No, it's just not news. -Watch out. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
OK, good. Wasp hates being asked about tantra. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
So we're on? | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
The thing is, he only wants quality press. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
What are you talking about? You said I was one of Australia's top writers. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:57 | |
I'll see what I can do. | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
-You handled the situation perfectly. -Thanks, mate. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
So how will you get him to talk about tantra? | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
'Alex was on his way to see Dr James, who regularly | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
'talked him through his cyberchondria - | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
'a condition where any ache and pain is typed into a search engine | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
'and comes out "cancer".' | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
-You're new. -Yeah. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
Your name? | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
Uh, are you all right? | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
What? The face not ringing any bells or...? | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
-Are you famous or something? -Well... | 0:07:28 | 0:07:32 | |
-Peter Helliar? -No, not Peter Helliar! | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
-Alex Burchill, columnist for the Sunday Sun. -Oh. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
I went to school with Dr James. He hasn't mentioned me? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:43 | |
No. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
Um, do you want to just take a seat in there? | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
Yeah. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:47 | |
What have we got today, then? | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
It seems something's wrong with my bottom, actually. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
-Inside the bottom itself? -Yeah. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
-Bit of blood and what have you? -Bit of that, yeah. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
Whip 'em off. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
-Can't I describe the symptoms? -Come on, snap, snap. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
Mate, he's got to examine you. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
-Do you need to be here? -No. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
Did you, uh, see the new receptionist on the way in? | 0:08:15 | 0:08:19 | |
-Yeah. -We had a bit of a cuddle last night, just quietly. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:23 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:08:24 | 0:08:25 | |
Actually, mind if I get this? Agh! | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
Hope she doesn't fall in love with me. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
-Trudy. -So I told Wasp's people you'd put the Amazon in the first part | 0:08:30 | 0:08:34 | |
-'and it got you over the line.' -Great. Thank you for that. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
-I thought you'd be happier. -Oh, I'm happy. Oh! -Uh-huh. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:41 | |
Tomorrow, 5.30, Park Hyatt. It's a restricted-access floor, | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
so I'll text you the code for the lift. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
Alex, if you resort to any of that tabloid rubbish, | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
we'll kill the interview. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Oh, it feels a bit rough up there, soldier. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
-What? -I don't know if it's skin tags, | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
cracks in the anus wall or beginnings of a pile. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
A complete bloody mystery. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
-Best course of action is to get you in for a couple of X-rays. -Sharna! | 0:09:02 | 0:09:07 | |
Out of interest, you haven't engaged in receptive anal sex, have you? | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
No. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
Can we get old mate in for some X-rays of his anus wall? | 0:09:13 | 0:09:18 | |
Yeah, sure. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
'Alex thought he detected a slight smirk on the face | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
'of Dr James's new receptionist.' | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
'After the X-rays, Alex went to see his girlfriend, Rita. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
'The couple had met at an exhibition of her series of photographs | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
'featuring misanthropic Eastern European men crying. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:39 | |
'Alex had told her he was exultant about the series. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
'Rita loved the word exultant, | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
'and now they were moving in together.' | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
You still OK with all this? | 0:09:56 | 0:09:57 | |
Yeah! | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Great! | 0:09:59 | 0:10:00 | |
-Hey! I got the interview with Wasp. -Oh, yeah? That's great. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
You know I'm not married to Bob... I am able to use other photographers. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:13 | |
-Really? -Yeah. I mean, | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
-is Wasp Warneke someone you'd like to photograph? -Oh, yeah! | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
-You don't have to if you don't want to... -No, no, no. I'll do it. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
-OK, let's do it! -OK! Thanks, baby! -No worries! | 0:10:22 | 0:10:27 | |
-So where do you want this? -GLASS SMASHES | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
-Oh... -Oh, shit! My parents! -Sorry, Rita. I'm so sorry. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:35 | |
-Oh! Why weren't you helping him?! -I offered. -And I said no, | 0:10:35 | 0:10:39 | |
cos he shouldn't be lifting heavy shit with his arse in its condition. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
-What's going on with your arse? -Oh, just a bit of, you know... | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
It should be fine, yeah. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
Oh, OK. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
Then again, it could be cancer, so... | 0:10:49 | 0:10:53 | |
'Occasionally I like to' | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
drop a bombshell on her, | 0:10:55 | 0:10:56 | |
just to scare her into loving me a little bit more. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
-Yeah, well, she sure could love you a bit more. -Really? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
I mean, we could all love each other a bit more. On occasion, you could love ME a bit more, mate. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:06 | |
I love you, mate. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
I love you too, mate. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
Is here OK? | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
-We were hoping for something inside. -Inside's full. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
Are you sure? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:17 | |
-I'll check again. -Thanks. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
-Want to...? -Yeah. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
-So... Wasp, eh? -Yeah. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
-Do you reckon he likes "Wasp" or "Wasp Warneke"? -Either's fine. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
Might shoot him in the lotus position, nude if we can, | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
surround him with a couple of models, nude, if we can, doing some sort of incense dance. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:36 | |
It'll go nicely with your tantra angle. You like? | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
-Sure. -What do you mean "sure"? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
Thing is, mate, I was talking to Rita before. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
-No... -Just this once. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:49 | |
Oh, mate, I'm sorry, but things are really touch-and-go with me and Rita at the moment. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:53 | |
You said it yourself. And you know how big a fan she is of Wasp's. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
-So this is the end. -Not at all. You're my main man. | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
Where are you going? | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
-I can't look at you right now. -Bob... | 0:12:05 | 0:12:09 | |
Bob! | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
Bob! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
We've a table inside for you, Mr Sandilands. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
-Hey. -Alex. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:57 | |
MOBILE RINGS | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
-Hey, mate. -Got the X-rays. -They OK? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
I'd like you to come in tomorrow at 4.30 if you could. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
-Can't you tell me on the phone? -Sorry, mate, has to be face-to-face. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:08 | |
OK. Just cough once if everything's fine, | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
twice if it's not fine but curable, | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
and three times if it's terminal. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:16 | |
That would technically be a breach of regulations, mate. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
Isn't diddling your new receptionist in breach of regulations? | 0:13:19 | 0:13:23 | |
I highly doubt it. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
-Right. -'See you tomorrow.' | 0:13:25 | 0:13:26 | |
Hey, Alex, which should I go for? This one, (or this one?) | 0:13:30 | 0:13:34 | |
Depends if you want happy or...special. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
-OK. -Hey, mate... | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
HE KNOCKS IN A RHYTHM | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
-I got the interview with Wasp. -Yeah, good. The knock is now... | 0:13:46 | 0:13:50 | |
HE TAPS OUT A NEW RHYTHM | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
-OK. -Yeah, we'll have to rotate them. They're cottoning on. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
Alan used it before, completely caught me off guard. | 0:13:56 | 0:14:00 | |
-Oh, you're joking! -Is that Alan? -B-grader. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
Make sure you get Wasp talking about tantra. The dirtier, the better. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:14 | |
I'll see what I can do. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:15 | |
'Alex wondered whether Sunday Sun editor Howard Evans was wearing a toupee.' | 0:14:17 | 0:14:23 | |
New frame! | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
-Oh, you got me some lilies! -Are they OK? -Yeah, they're great. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:33 | |
Even though I've told you a few times I don't have a vase big enough for lilies. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:37 | |
-Oh, that's right, I'm so sorry. -That's OK. I can cut the stems. Thanks, baby. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:42 | |
We can get a better frame. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
Maybe we shouldn't have photos of our parents in the living room. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:56 | |
Yeah, you're right. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:58 | |
Are you going to take yours away...? | 0:15:03 | 0:15:06 | |
But they don't really look like parents. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
What do they look like? | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
Models. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:12 | |
'The next day, Rita wanted to apologise for being disparaging about Alex's parents. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:20 | |
'But then again, an apology might weaken her zero-tolerance policy | 0:15:20 | 0:15:24 | |
'on having photographs of them in her living room.' | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
Babe, are you still upset about the photo? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
No, no, no, I'm fine about the photo. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
-Oh, are you worried about your doctor's appointment? -Mmm. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
Oh... Your anus wall's going to be fine, babe. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:37 | |
-You reckon? -Yes! | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
Just like the melanoma on your neck turned out to be a freckle. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
And the testicular cancer turned out to be an ingrown hair. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
Except, of course, for the calcium deposit on your penis, | 0:15:46 | 0:15:50 | |
which turned out to be a genital wart. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
I tell you what, if it's nothing, I'm going to take you to Florentino's for dinner. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
Great! What if it turns out to be something? | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
Well, I'd imagine we'd both be miserable and not feel like going out. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:02 | |
(Oh, yeah, course.) | 0:16:02 | 0:16:03 | |
-Hey, you got the code for the lift? -4395. -Yep. See you up there. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
Hmm... | 0:16:21 | 0:16:22 | |
Mmm... | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
-Mmm. -Just so you know, I have to be across town in half an hour. -Mm-hm. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:29 | |
What you've got is a shadow on the anus wall. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:33 | |
I've looked it up and she could be one of three things. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
A rectal prolapse, a rectocele fissure or an anal fissure. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:40 | |
These are often the result of receptive anal intercourse. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:44 | |
Or it could be cancer. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
Then again, it could be papillae resulting from trauma | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
caused by a hard stool or an irritating liquid stool, | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
-but that's very unlikely. -So you don't know what it is? -No. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:59 | |
A proper coloproctologist has to look at these X-rays first. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
Why didn't a proper coloproctologist look at it before I came? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
-I thought you'd want to be kept in the loop. -Why not call me when you know what it is? | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
-I'll probably know by this evening. -Good! | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
-You OK, mate? -I'm late for the most important interview of the year | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
and I've found out I might have cancer of the fucking arse! | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
Or some sort of repetitive strain disorder from copping a few big ones. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:21 | |
Thank you, mate. That's a huge weight off my shoulders(!) | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
'Alex wondered if Dr James had got the irony of his last statement.' | 0:17:25 | 0:17:29 | |
CAR ENGINE TURNS OVER WEAKLY | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
CAR ENGINE CONTINUES TO TURN SLOWLY | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:17:47 | 0:17:51 | |
-What? -Hey, mate. It's me. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
-Look, I just wanted to say how sorry I am about the whole Wasp thing. -And? | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
And? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
Destroying...? | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Destroying... | 0:18:04 | 0:18:05 | |
Our p...? Par...? Par...? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:08 | |
-Partnership? -Yes! And my l...? | 0:18:08 | 0:18:11 | |
-l...? -Life? | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
-Libido. -Sorry about that, mate. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
-Look, um, my car's actually broken down. -Just a bit of bad luck. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:21 | |
-You're right. I shouldn't have bothered you. I'll get a cab. -No, no, I'll pick you up. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:25 | |
No, I'm at Dr Jim's. I have to be at the Park Hyatt in 25. It's cutting it too fine... | 0:18:25 | 0:18:29 | |
Alex, I will get you there. I'll see you in five. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
-RADIO: -'26 past the hour, the man's in town. Here's Wasp Warneke with Concubine Of The Soul.' | 0:18:34 | 0:18:39 | |
Mate, once we're on the other side of those lights, we will be flowing. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:43 | |
-How's the arse? -There's a shadow on it. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
-Oh, mate, a shadow? -Go! Go! | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
-Are you OK? -Yeah. How long have we got? -About five or three minutes. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:55 | |
-HE PRESSES THE CAR HORN -Oi, don't do that! | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
Jesus, it's green! Get in the car and drive! Drive! | 0:18:59 | 0:19:03 | |
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH THEIR CAR | 0:19:03 | 0:19:08 | |
-Do you have a problem, mate? -I should warn you, I've just had some pretty bad medical news. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:14 | |
Don't fucking honk people, you impatient shit! | 0:19:14 | 0:19:17 | |
I thought that went well. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:21 | |
What time is it? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
We're a little late. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
OK, but just lift your chin a little bit. That's good. Beautiful. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:32 | |
OK, that's it. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
-How did that all go? -Nice. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:40 | |
I can tell from your eyes that you've got a lot going on up here. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:44 | |
Thank you. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
I don't know where Alex is. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:50 | |
-He's not normally late, is he? -Oh, no, no. He should be here any minute. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
-MOBILE RINGS -(Excuse me.) | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
-'Hello?' -Trudy, Bob. Alex's car broke down. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
'I picked him up, but we're now in a traffic jam' | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
and also there's been a road-rage incident | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
which Alex conducted himself very well in. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
Anything else? | 0:20:11 | 0:20:12 | |
Uh, Alex just found out he's got a shadow on his anus wall. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
Anyway, we were wondering if he could do a phoner? | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
Oh, for God's sake! | 0:20:19 | 0:20:20 | |
-He apologises profusely. -You tell him no tantric sex. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
If he even mentions it, end of interview. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
-Shall do, Trudy. -'I'll get Wasp.' -She says no tantric sex. If you mention it, end of interview. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:31 | |
It's on speaker, mate. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:32 | |
Don't shoot the messenger. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
So, um... | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
Alex can't make it. He's in a traffic jam. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
-Would you mind doing a phoner? -Sure. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:44 | |
Who's this? | 0:20:48 | 0:20:50 | |
Wasp! Alex Burchill from the Sunday Sun. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
-Thank you so much for talking to me. -Pleasure. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
So I've been briefed and I understand you DON'T want to talk about tantra, | 0:20:54 | 0:20:58 | |
but on a personal note, I'm in awe of the fact that you're able to fornicate five hours at a time. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:03 | |
Eight hours. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:06 | |
If you're going to report it, you may as well get it right. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:11 | |
Eight...hours...straight. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
-Eight hours. Amazing. -That's amazing. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
'But, I mean, it's not about going eight hours at a time.' | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
Any mug can go on all day. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
-'Well, not just any mug.' -No. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
It's how you do it that counts. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
Sadly, a lot of guys don't know the fundamentals about arousing a woman. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
One should start with the tip of the nose, | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
move to the point just beneath the eye, | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
then onto the stomach, and then the yoni. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
(Yoni?) | 0:21:42 | 0:21:43 | |
Now, if you move from one spot to the next, to the next, and then retrace your steps, | 0:21:43 | 0:21:48 | |
what ends up happening is you create a circle of love. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
Don't forget the bottom lip either. Suck on that in the right manner | 0:21:51 | 0:21:55 | |
and she'll achieve a clitoral orgasm in no time at all. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:59 | |
And the wonderment of all this | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
is she'll have had the most incredible experience of her sexual life | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
and that's before she's even been penetrated. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
You don't just wake up one day and become a tantric expert. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:11 | |
-You've got to do your sex-ercises. Squeeze the sphincter and relax. -Yep. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:17 | |
-Squeeze the sphincter and relax. -Oh, sorry. -Are you doing it? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:23 | |
-No. -We're actually... | 0:22:23 | 0:22:24 | |
'This is invaluable information. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
'I'm not just telling you cos I like the sound of my own voice.' | 0:22:26 | 0:22:29 | |
-No, I appreciate that, Wasp. -Do as I say. Squeeze and relax. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:33 | |
Squeeze and relax. Squeeze... | 0:22:33 | 0:22:37 | |
-Wasp? -Wasp?! No, we've lost him. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:43 | |
Well, go on, squeeze and relax. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
-You're doing it, aren't you? -No, I'm not doing it. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
Yeah, you are. Your ears moved. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 0:22:59 | 0:23:00 | |
-You made it! -Can I still see him? | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
You have five minutes. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:05 | |
Squeeze and relax. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
Squeeze and relax. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
-Rita! -You said you weren't coming! | 0:23:11 | 0:23:16 | |
-Well, I made it, didn't I? -Hey... No! | 0:23:16 | 0:23:21 | |
Mate, oi. Bob, no. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:25 | |
No! Mate, no. Excuse me. Hey! No! | 0:23:25 | 0:23:32 | |
Welcome. Spare bed's yours for as long as you want it. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
Thanks, mate. I might get us a beer. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
Maybe you should ring up about that shadow. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
-Yeah, all right. -Mate, you're better off knowing. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
What you don't know might kill you. | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
Thank you, mate. That's very reassuring (!) | 0:23:59 | 0:24:02 | |
-Hey, mate. -Mate, the results came back this afternoon. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:16 | |
-And? -Negative, mate. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:20 | |
-Negative. That's good, isn't it? -Yeah, you're all clear. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:25 | |
-Just a bit of papillae caused by an irritating liquid stool. -Right. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:30 | |
A course of antibiotics and you'll be as...as good as new. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:34 | |
What's wrong with you, then? | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
-Sharna called it off. -Oh, mate, I'm sorry. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
-Can I come over? -Sure. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
Alex, it's for you! | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
-What do you want? -I just wanted to make sure your arse was OK. | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
Yeah, it's fine. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
Oh, that's great, baby. I was so worried. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
-You do realise we've broken up? -Yeah! | 0:25:13 | 0:25:16 | |
'Alex wrote the Wasp story as he saw it, | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
'beat by disturbing beat. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
'It would go on to be nominated for a Walkley, | 0:26:00 | 0:26:03 | |
'as would Bob's candid photograph of Wasp and Rita. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:05 | |
'Later, Rita would reclaim the incident in an exhibition | 0:26:05 | 0:26:09 | |
'where she set up a tent appliqued with the names | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
'of every rock star she slept with between 1996 and 2010, | 0:26:12 | 0:26:16 | |
'entitled Every Rock Star I Slept With Between 1996 and 2010.' | 0:26:16 | 0:26:24 | |
Chook's done! | 0:26:24 | 0:26:25 | |
'Later, Dr James would watch Dr Strangelove | 0:26:27 | 0:26:31 | |
'and wonder whether love was strange for all doctors or just GPs, | 0:26:31 | 0:26:35 | |
'or had he missed the point of the film altogether?' | 0:26:35 | 0:26:39 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 |