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This programme contains very strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
-I feel sick. -I thought... -What did you think? -I thought it was a laptop. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
How have you got confused between a laptop and a dead cat in a bag? | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
It's just so upsetting. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
It's squidgy. A laptop's not squidgy, is it? | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
I thought it was bubble wrap, innit? | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
So a dude pulls up to you, offers you a laptop in a bin bag, | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
and you think that's a good deal? | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
That is a good deal. £150 for a laptop, that's wicked. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:25 | |
It's a very good deal for a laptop. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
Not a dead cat in a bag. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
Why wouldn't you look inside it before you bought it? | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
What? When you go and buy a can of Coke from the shop, | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
do you look inside to see if it's got a Coke in it | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
or does it just have Coke in it? Huh? | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
Listen, I didn't get a receipt, innit? | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
So I can't take it back, so... | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
How are we going to get rid of it? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
How do you think we're going to get rid of it? I'll have to do it... | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
-All right. -I'm not carrying it this time. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
What's wrong with him, like? | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
-Where are you going? -To hell. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
You're in so much trouble, you don't even know. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
You're in trouble as well. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:05 | |
-Why, what did he do? -What? | 0:01:05 | 0:01:06 | |
-Did he stroke the cat? -Yeah, he touched it. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:11 | |
What does that mean? Your fingerprints are all over the ting. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
Come here, open the bag for me. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Pass it here. Pass it here, yeah. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
-Don't shake it! -Now you can see its face properly, yeah? Look at that. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:24 | |
That cat did not die of natural causes. Horrible, yeah? | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
When they die of natural causes, they're all, "Meow! Meow!" | 0:01:26 | 0:01:31 | |
Bruv, look at his face... | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
Something rolled up on that pussycat and murdered him, bro. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
The RSPCA are fully looking for you. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
Will this affect my National Trust membership? | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
They might revoke that shit. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
Oh, shit! | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
Listen, don't worry. I'll come visit you in prison, innit? | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
If Mobeen drives, I'll come. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:52 | |
Yeah, don't bother. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
Oh, shit! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
Where are you going? | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
-Go, go, go! -Get your hands in the air! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
Armed police, get your fucking hands in the air now. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
Especially you, Mobeen. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:04 | |
-OK, OK, OK! -Where's your fucking friend gone? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
Why has he run off? I asked you a question. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
I don't know. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
If I had to guess, I'd probably say it's because he's black. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
What? | 0:02:16 | 0:02:17 | |
Officer, I don't know if you've heard of this thing called history. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
Yeah? But these situations very rarely work out for the black man. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
What's in the bag? | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
-What's in the bag? -It's a laptop. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
It's a dead cat. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:30 | |
Sajid? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:32 | |
You take this one. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
Hold on a minute. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:39 | |
Is that Saj from school? | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
-Stuart Little? -It is Stuart Little! | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
-Did you call him Lord Of The Rings? -Yeah. -Here, let me help you. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
Get back, get back, hands in the air! | 0:02:48 | 0:02:49 | |
What have you found, Frodo? | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
It's a dead cat, sir. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
What the fuck is wrong with you people? | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
-Fucking hell! -Look who's in charge now, huh? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
Sajid, listen, man. Why have you got all the shit out? | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
Are you arresting Ironman or what? It's me! | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Risk assessment management meeting dictates this level of response. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
The risk assessment management meeting dictates | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
-this level of... Shut up, Sajid. -Shut up! -Well, sorry and all that, | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
you could have trained two highly qualified nurses | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
with the money you spent on training this useless brown bollock. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
Don't call me that. Don't call me that. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
Listen, yeah? Stop wasting taxpayer's money on this bullshit. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
We're the police, we waste taxpayer's money | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
-on whatever we like. -Yeah. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:28 | |
Well, you could have got three RSPCA officers... | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
-Hands in the air, now! You, you're under arrest. -Why? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
-Him, why? -What did I do? -What did he do again, sir? | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
Someone matching your description is using kids to sell drugs. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
He matches the description, so he's coming with us. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Sorry, what was his description? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Brown male, in jogging bottoms. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Oh, well, it could be you, eh? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
-I think it is me. -It's not you! | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
This is racial profiling. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:55 | |
Go suck your mum's... We know our rights. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
Oh, don't play the race card, Mobeen. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
I am the race card. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Why would you say... What does that mean? | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
-What does that mean? -Why would you say that? | 0:04:03 | 0:04:04 | |
Just so you know, yeah, he was never happy being a Feast. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
You always wanted to be a vanilla Magnum, didn't you? Didn't you? | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
Tell him it's got nothing to do with racial profiling. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
This has nothing to do with racial profiling. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
-It's got nothing to do with racial profiling. -Dude. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
Careful, sunshine. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
It would be a shame if I had a little mishap at work... | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
..and accidentally shot you six times in the fucking face. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
Accidentally shot you in the face six fucking times. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:30 | |
-I've had enough of this shit. Cuff him. -No, no, no. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
I told you I'd get you back, look at me. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:38 | |
My dick is in your face, what are you going to do about it? | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
Look at me. Look at me. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
Stand down. No more coffee for you in the morning! Christ! | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Fuck! | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
I just don't feel comfortable with the level of tension in your scalp. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
You know as well, I reading on the internet, yeah, | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
they've got this extracts of volcanic ash cloud and that, right? | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
Mum never took this long to do my braids. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
Unless she's turned into Pakistan's version of Mr Tickle, | 0:05:07 | 0:05:10 | |
she can't reach your hair from Karachi, can she? | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
So you're stuck with your big brother during your hair. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
-Can't I get a professional to do them? -Oi! I am a professional. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
I want more volume in here. I need more volume. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
I want to get it hench and that, like, try feathering it. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
-I could even layer it, you know. -Or maybe just finish off my braids. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
I can hear my hair growing! | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
Is Eight still in custody? | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
-Is being a weirdo finally a crime? -If he was in prison for that, | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
he'd be in prison for the rest of his life, wouldn't he? | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
No, the old Bill think he's been selling drugs. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
Eight, a drug dealer? That's funny. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
-That's what I said as well. -Everyone knows it's Shahid. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
Why do you even know that name? | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
Have you lost weight? | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
You're looking trim, you know. | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
Stop all that, yeah. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:56 | |
Tell me what you know. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
The rumour in Year Ten is that Shahid is getting | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
some of the kids to move his grub for him. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
-What? -I don't know why you can't just snitch on Shahid | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
-and get Eight out. -It don't work like that, all right? | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
I'm telling you now, Aks, yeah? | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
You stay well away from anything to do with this, you understand? | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
There is one person in the family | 0:06:14 | 0:06:15 | |
who don't get involved in drug dealing. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
I don't do no drugs, sell drugs, who told you that, man? | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
-I don't know what you're talking about. -Is that true? | 0:06:19 | 0:06:23 | |
Do you think I've lost weight, though, | 0:06:23 | 0:06:24 | |
because I'd been doing sit-ups and crunches and that, like. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
Don't be stupid. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:28 | |
BING! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
-Kareema is here. -Listen, wait for me. Wait for me. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
Your hair looks lovely from here, you know. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
You're giving me stress. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
I did a stress test, and it said I'm dead, | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
pretty much dead because of you. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:41 | |
Yo, yo. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
-I want to talk to you. -Wa gwa, Mobeen? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Look, I can't stay, man, got to go. Business and that, yeah. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:53 | |
Kareema, what are you doing hang around with that mug? | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
He's mum's cousin's cousin. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
What's your problem, Mobeen? | 0:06:57 | 0:06:58 | |
I don't care who he is, yeah? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
Stay well away from him, do you understand? | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
Why? What are you going to do? | 0:07:02 | 0:07:03 | |
Are you going to braid my hair really, really slowly? | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
Maybe I will. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
-Maybe I will. -She's weird, man. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
They won't keep him here for much longer. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
That's what Nelson Mandela's wife said. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
Look what happened there. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Blud, they don't even give refreshments in here any more. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
Not even a water cooler. I don't know why I pay my taxes. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
You don't pay your taxes. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
OK, I don't know why you pay your taxes, then, innit? | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
You OK, bro? | 0:08:02 | 0:08:03 | |
Hey? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
WHISPERING: Shit! | 0:08:07 | 0:08:08 | |
-It's that guy. WHISPERING: -What guy? | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
They call him the Small Heath sex falcon. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
Why? | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
Because man swoops in, and violates tall man... | 0:08:17 | 0:08:22 | |
..with kind faces. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
I'm a tall man. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:25 | |
With a kind face. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:28 | |
NORMAL VOLUME: What's going on with you, sir? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
Come on, man, no judgment here. What was it? | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
Well, I was pretending to be a ghost. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:40 | |
I beg your pardon. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:41 | |
When people went to visit graves, I'd... | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
-Oh, never mind. -Never mind never mind, go on. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
I'd go up behind them. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:48 | |
-And? -And go, "Wooo." | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
What's going on in here, man? | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
I think Arnold Schwarzenegger's vegan now. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
That's how come he's so active, even though he's so old. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
Oh, so boss, Officer Sajid, you're doing such a good job. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:12 | |
You're a good police officer, you. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
Wasting more time on innocent people. You all right, yeah? | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
Listen, watch Terminator Three again, | 0:09:17 | 0:09:18 | |
then you tell me it's not the best one from all the Terminator films. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
-That one is the wickedest one. -Have you given him sugar? | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
-I had two digestives and an orange squash. -For goodness' sake! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
The guy's a weirdo. Just get him out of here. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
Can I stay? Because he proper lets me talk. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
-Do you want to stay the afternoon? -Yeah. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
That's fine, yeah, you can stay with you. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
What is wrong with you? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
If I sell drugs, can I come back then? | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
You're not a drug dealer, you're a baby. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
It's OK. We'll bring him back for a play date another day, yeah? | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
You fucking piece of shit! | 0:09:43 | 0:09:44 | |
I'm a piece of shit? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
Putting my face in the middle, | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
do you understand? Come on. You all right, yeah? Come on. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
Mugging man off and that. Because of my face in my hood. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
Shave that beard off as well. Fucking terrorist! | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
Wow, Islamophobia from a Muslim, yeah? | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
Officer Sajid, I forgot to mention. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
I saw your mum last week. She still says you're a dickhead! | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
Get the fuck out of my station. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
And you know that ghost, yeah? | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
He's the sanest motherfucker in this place. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
Thank you. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
I can't do this job any more. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
I still don't know why you had to go get him. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
What's going to happen to him in between leaving the police station, | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
-and going home? -Take your pick. -Getting dog poo in his hair. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
Signing up to the Territorial Army. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:24 | |
Getting his shoes jacked by that group of 12-year-old muggers, | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
-do you remember that? -But them girls... | 0:10:27 | 0:10:28 | |
-Tell her how vicious the girls were. -OK, stupid question. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
-Yeah, it was. -He's daft and that, yeah. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
But he's like family. And we look after family, you know that. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
Yeah, us'll all do anything for one another. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
Because, like, we are, like, brothers. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
Obviously not the same mum, | 0:10:40 | 0:10:41 | |
but, you know, blood is thicker than water. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:42 | |
And he is thicker concrete! | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
They know what they're talking about, like, innit? | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
-Like, pay attention. -It's a set of rules that we live by. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
We're basically a lovely family. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
It's a kind of code. Yeah, we fall out, | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
but we never, ever snitch on one another. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
How did you get dog poo in your hair anyways? | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
What it is, if you're wearing a hoodie, right, | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
and someone puts dog poo in the back of your hoodie, | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
and then you put the hoodie up, then you've got dog poo in your hair. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
-It's obvious now you say it. -That's why I said it. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
Mate, did you bring your own cutlery? | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Oh, yeah, I always bring this fork. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
-Zayn Malik reckons he's from the hood in Bradford. -Really? | 0:11:19 | 0:11:23 | |
-Yeah, but I'll knock him spark out. -Yeah, you could. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
I need you to take these for me, please. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
There's a squad car waiting right outside school for me, | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
-and I swear they are following me. -Can't you just throw them away? | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
Are you crazy? Shahid would kill me. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:33 | |
You're my best mate, I would do the same for you. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
-Just go. -Thank you. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:36 | |
It's you, bro. Remember you sold me that laptop, it wasn't a laptop, | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
it was a dead cat in a bag. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
-It was the wrong bag. -Oh, you gave me the wrong bag? | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
All right. Don't mess me about next time, yeah? | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Mobeen. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Bloody hell. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
Aks, you know according to this documentary here, now, yeah, | 0:12:35 | 0:12:39 | |
strawberry milkshakes contain an ingredient | 0:12:39 | 0:12:43 | |
that comes from the bum gland of a beaver. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:47 | |
The bum gland of a beaver. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:48 | |
Who is even up the beaver's bum, | 0:12:48 | 0:12:49 | |
looking for ingredients in the first place? | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
Unbelievable. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:53 | |
Aks. Aks. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
What? | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
Would you drink strawberry milkshake with all these bum glands in there? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
I'm good, thanks. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
Yeah, same here. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
Blowing my mind, this is. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
Come here and watch it with me, man. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
You probably need this info for your GCSEs, come. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
Aks. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
Aks! | 0:13:15 | 0:13:16 | |
All right, all right, you don't have to drink it if you don't want to. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
Why has Kareema even got these in the first place? | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
Oh, shite... | 0:13:33 | 0:13:34 | |
I just did what I thought you would have done for Eight and Nate. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
I helped her. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
We don't snitch on our own people. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
That's the rule. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:42 | |
No! It's not... Well, it... | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
I mean, yeah, but...I'm sorry, it's my fault, OK? | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
Just don't cry. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:50 | |
Don't cry, OK? It's not your fault. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
I have to fix this, all right? | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Just wait until I get back, lock the door. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
Mobeen's gone off the shade. Do you know what this means? | 0:14:33 | 0:14:38 | |
-BOTH: -Fight! | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
Yo, wa gwan, Mobeen? | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
Keep this filth away from Kareema, | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
-and you even look in the direction of my little sister... -You'll what? | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
Yeah, this ain't your game any more. You retired. So what? | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
You just want to be an imam by day, and a road man by night? | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
It's a shame about your sister, you know. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
She'd have made a good little drug dealer. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
I ain't scared of you, Mobeen. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
What are you going to do? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
What am I going to do? | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
Yeah. What are you going to do, Mobeen? | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
What am I going to do? I'll show you what I'm going to do. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
Come here. I'm going to show you. Take that. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:18 | |
Take this leek in your face. Do you like bananas? | 0:15:18 | 0:15:21 | |
How about it? I'm going to give you your five a day today. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
-You'll get your five a day today. -I'm allergic to kiwis. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
-Oh, are you? -Yeah! | 0:15:26 | 0:15:27 | |
Don't, man, don't. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
Yes! | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
Take the kiwi! | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
THEY SQUEAL | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
That was sick! | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
Check you out, you were like Dhalsim. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:40 | |
You proper turned him into a fruit salad, innit? | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
Are you all right? Mate! Mate! | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
What? | 0:15:45 | 0:15:46 | |
Bro, I stopped recording, can you do that again? | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
Who was paying for all these fruits? | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
His mum's going to have to pay for it, innit? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
SIREN WAILS | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
Oh, fuc... | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
Not Harper again. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
I'm going to ask for a chocolate digestive this time. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Is that important right now? | 0:16:08 | 0:16:09 | |
Thank you for giving me a genuine reason | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
-to take you down to the station. -What's that reason? | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
You didn't see me do... I haven't done anything to see. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
-Tell him I didn't do anything. -What about the fight? | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
-He didn't do anything. -Listen, listen. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
-Have I done anything, though? -There was a man lying in fruit. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
-That is enough. -Are you going to kill a man or what? | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
-Not yet. -What do you mean not yet? | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
What's that supposed to mean? No, I didn't do anything. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:34 | |
Did you see me do anything? | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
Did you see man do... | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
Get in. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
Mobeen! | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
I didn't do anything. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
Step back, or I'll gas you. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:46 | |
-I didn't do anything. -Why is he covered in bananas? | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
Because he likes salad. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
That's a likely story. Put that phone down. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
Officer, please, you have to let me go, man. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
They are going to take her away from me. Please, man. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
Officer, please, man, there's nobody else at home. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
-Out. -What? | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
Get out. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:26 | |
You're an absolute waste of fucking time. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
-What is it? -He won't admit it was you that gave him an 'iding. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
You lot and your bullshit code. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
I don't know why I'm taking these off, I'm sure I'll put you | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
back in them soon enough. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
Am I good to go? | 0:17:41 | 0:17:42 | |
Piss off, Mobeen. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
Come here, Aks. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
Are you OK? | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Come over here, man. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:56 | |
What? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
You all right? | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
Oi! Who done this to my fruit? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
Eight did it. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:10 | |
No more paper round for you. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
-Do you do a paper round here? -Sometimes. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
Listen, man, people can say what they like about Small Heath. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
I love living here, man. They say it's violent all the time and that. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
Didn't you have a fight two minutes ago? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
Yeah, OK, it was violent then, but that's because I made it violent. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
I'm not going to do that again, so you ain't got to worry about that. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
-Ain't that your boy? -Oh, yeah, it's Drizzee | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
Good to see you, brother. He's a good guy. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
-It is violent. -It's not... | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
Well, yes, you're right, actually, it's violent. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
-Do you know why? Because of them. -Geeses? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
Geese, yeah, get that right. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
-Geese! -Yeah, man, people think Small Heath's violent and dangerous, | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
Worried about gang-related crime and that. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
They want to worry about goose-related crime. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
That's claimed the most lives in Small Heath this year. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
-That's how violent they are. -So if they attack me, | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
I'll be able to throw fruit them, yeah? | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
If they attack you, throw what you like out of them, mate, | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
they are dangerous. Oi! Stop that! | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
Not now, where did you get that from? | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
-Well... -Did you rob that from the...? | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
Put it away, I'm paying tomorrow. It's one of my five-a-days. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:15 | |
Yeah, stolen one of your five-a-days, | 0:19:15 | 0:19:16 | |
there's no nutrients in that, is there? | 0:19:16 | 0:19:18 | |
So you're telling me you're scared of geese? | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
I'm not scared of the geese, I'm just cautious around the geese. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
-Do you know what I mean? -Why are we walking faster? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
SHE SQUAWKS How many times? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
Don't make that noise, they'll come over here. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
SHE SQUAWKS Can you stop doing that? | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
He's looking this way now. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
SHE SQUAWKS Aks, can you stop that? | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
I've been diagnosed with ornithophobia. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:37 | |
Stop that! | 0:19:37 | 0:19:38 |