Episode 4 Michael McIntyre's Big Show

Coming up on tonight's show...

Bruno Tonioli plays Celebrity Send To All...

there's astonishing acrobatics from Cirque du Soleil...

comedy from the hilarious Rob Beckett...

there's music from pop sensations Years And Years...

and who will be our latest Unexpected Star of the show?

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Big Show.

Please welcome your host, Michael McIntyre!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

JAMES BOND THEME

CHEERING CONTINUES

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! And welcome to my Big Show!

CHEERING

Oh, yes. We have a tremendous show for you tonight.

Are you up for that, ladies and gentlemen?

CHEERING

We have top-notch performances, plus the brave celebrity is here

to play my favourite game in the world - Send To All.

CHEERING

And, of course, one person will be getting the biggest surprise

of their life when they become our latest Unexpected Star of the show.

AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

OK, let's find out where we're all from, ladies and gentlemen.

Erm, where are... Londoners? Applaud if you're a Londoner.

CHEERING

Yeah? Very good.

Northerners? Northerners?

CHEERING

Yeah? Where are you from?

-Newcastle.

-Newcastle?

GEORDIE ACCENT: Alreet, that's nice!

Well done in the football, it's going well, isn't it?

I'm sorry to do the accent.

Everywhere I go, I try to speak in the accent, do you know what I mean?

Irish, I'm not very good at this accent, but the Irish accent...

IRISH ACCENT: ..it seems quite jolly, doesn't it?

"Hello! How are you?" It's jolly.

As long as you're smiling, you can do a pretty good Irish accent,

but Northern Irish, these are right next door to them...

SOMBRE IRISH ACCENT: Suddenly, everything in the whole world

seems incredibly depressing to me right now.

How can your face be completely opposite to...

JOLLY: ..that, I'm over here!

SOMBRE: "But I'm right next door to you and..."

I don't understand how these accents can evolve like that.

Some evolution of accents, I understand,

like when you go west in England, when you head west,

you will hit, like, Bristol and they've got this West Country...

BRISTOL ACCENT: ..like that, they'll start talking like that.

"We're in Bristol now. We're a little bit busy,

"so we speak basically with this accent,

"but it's quite fast cos we're, like, a city,

"we've got things to do.

"We've, like, got businesses and that, right?

"We've got, like, a city centre."

Then you go to Devon.

You keep going west, you go to Devon and it's the same accent,

but it's a bit slower now.

SLOW BRISTOL ACCENT: We don't have quite as much going on here

as they do in the city of Bristol.

We're in Devon now, so we're just good to speak in the same accent,

but we'll just take our time with it because we've got more time, right?

By the time you get to Cornwall, it's just...

Uuuuurrrrr!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

You get a sense of the evolution.

The funnest accent for me is South African.

SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: The Seth Efrican accent

is quite a fun one to do, ya?

If you've got some time on your hends,

you can do the Seth Efrican accent on your own, ya?

As long as you make sure that every syllable that you say

has nothing to do with the syllable that comes

directly before the one you've just said.

You're pretty much doing a Seth Efrican accent.

AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: Australia's quite fun, OK?

A lot of Australians living over here in London,

they're pretty, you know, they talk quite fast as well.

They're pretty hyper, yeah? Cos they've come a long way, you know?

They're going to make the most of it.

It's like, you know, "It took me a day, I lost a day of my life

"to be here, so I'm going to make up for it now, OK?"

They find out where the decibel level is in the room...

LOUDLY: ..and we're going to go slightly above that, OK?!

That's how we're going to play it over here in London!

So when I went to Australia touring, I thought

it was going to be full of people doing this,

"Hello! Welcome to Australia!" but they're not like that at all.

The people who haven't left Australia are..

SLOW AUSTRALIAN: ..the most relaxed people

I think I've ever come across.

They literally have all the time in the world to finish sentences.

I mean, we're 13 hours ahead. You're never going to catch up anyway.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

You can't go all the way over to Australia.

When you go to Australia, you have to stop off.

The plane can't even go that far, that's how far away it is,

so when I was touring, they said to me,

"Where do you want to go on the way for a stop off?"

And they give me these options and I went for Singapore.

I'd never been to Singapore,

and I went and they said, "Best to stay there for a few days

"and acclimatise," because the time difference is, like,

12 hours or something, so they said, "Stay in Singapore for three days

"and just get used to the time difference." And I couldn't do it.

I suffer very badly with jet lag. I couldn't sleep at all.

Now, you know, at the best of times I look Chinese.

With extreme jet lag, I was 100% Chinese.

I looked in the mirror in my Singapore hotel room

and I thought it was a window.

I was like, "What are you looking at? Who are you?"

I phoned reception - "There's a man just staring at me on his phone."

I literally couldn't sleep for about two nights.

Also, I wasn't feeling very well

because I sampled some of the local cuisine,

which was a mistake that I still suffer with a bit.

I had a seafood laksa,

which should have been called the "seafood bum re-laksa."

I can't tell you how badly I suffered.

So I was up for, like, two nights, completely jet-lagged.

I went down to reception to try and ask what time breakfast was

cos I couldn't stay up, I thought I might as well eat something,

so I went down to reception

and this Chinese woman on reception thought I was Chinese.

"Excuse me, what time is breakfast?"

And she starts speaking Chinese. I don't speak Chinese,

so I've no idea what she was saying, but she just went straight on.

HE SPEAKS MOCK CHINESE

I just went, "I'm not Chinese, I'm just jet-lagged.

"What time is breakfast?"

She starts laughing at me! "Ha-ha-ha!"

HE SPEAKS RAPID MOCK CHINESE

I was like, "Seriously, I'm not Chinese. Speak English to me!"

And she just went, "Your English accent is so good!"

I said, "That's because I've lived there for 38 years."

And she went, "Welcome home!"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

True story!

Now, it is time to find out who will become tonight's

Unexpected Star of the show.

CHEERING

Every week, we have been surprising a member of the public

who think they're coming to the theatre for work.

Now this is Shannon Taiwo. There he is, there's Shannon.

CHEERING

You've immediately warmed to him.

He is 21 years old, he lives in Kent,

where he works doing odd jobs as a handyman,

and this is him doing handyman stuff.

There he is, that's proof.

That's... What a handy man he is.

He prefers not to see where he's going.

Shannon thinks he's coming to the theatre tonight

for a simple removals job.

Of course, he's actually here for a very different reason.

It's Shannon's dream to perform on the West End stage...

-AUDIENCE:

-Awww.

-And I happen to have one here.

So, tonight... LAUGHTER

So, tonight, we're going to make his dream a reality

because Shannon is going to be our Unexpected Star of the show.

Are you up for that?

CHEERING

OK.

Shannon's friend Parisa is here in the audience tonight

and she's helped set this all up, so I'm going to chat to her.

Where are you, Parisa?

Ladies and gentlemen, let's needed for Parisa!

CHEERING

Hello, darling. Nice to meet you. What a pleasure.

-So, tell us about Shannon.

-He loves performing. He doesn't stop singing.

We actually have to tell him to shut up sometimes

cos it's not the right time or place, but, yeah, he's amazing.

-He's so talented.

-So he's basically always got his head on performing?

-Yeah, truly. He makes songs about sweeping the floor.

-Amazing.

-He's brilliant.

-Potatoes as well.

-Potatoes?

-Yeah, he freestyles about potatoes a lot.

He freestyles about potatoes?!

He'll be at home, like, cooking and that

and all of a sudden he'll come up with a little rhyme

about potatoes or cutting something or another. Yeah, all the time.

The whole world's a stage, but he hasn't been given the stage yet.

-That's it.

-Yeah.

And tell me about his history of trying to be a performer.

Yeah, he's tried to get on the West End quite a few times,

but he's had no success.

He even moved here, but he didn't get into anything,

then he had to come back home, back to a normal job, so... He loves it.

-It's difficult.

-It is.

-He tried to pursue his dream.

-Yes.

But it's tough. And how do you think he's going to react, then, tonight?

I think he's going to be really overwhelmed, really you know, happy,

but I think you might get a bit emotional, so...

We all will as well. We're all going to get really emotional.

It sounds like he's been waiting for this moment.

Let's hear it for Parisa, ladies and gentlemen.

Darling, thank you so much. All right, it's on, it's on.

It's on!

OK, so Shannon is on his way to the theatre

right now for the biggest surprise of his life.

APPLAUSE

Now, let me tell you what's going to happen tonight.

So, he's going to arrive at the theatre.

He's going to wait down, we've got a job for him to do downstairs,

a removals job, then he's going to be sent to a store room

to get a box.

This storeroom is actually going to be right here where I am standing.

So, there is going to be a corridor here

that is going to extend onto the stage,

then there will be this room -

which is an incredibly authentic-looking storeroom -

there is going to be a box it and he is going to lift up the box.

When he lifts up the box, the shelves are going to collapse.

We are all going to watch this on the screen.

Then the walls of the storeroom are going to collapse here.

Then your responsibility is then to go from complete silence

to absolute mayhem as we really, really give him

an unexpected surprise moment.

Are you up for that, ladies and gentlemen?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All right.

It's going to be fun, Parisa.

OK. Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time gasp in amazement

as I welcome from Cirque du Soleil's current hit show Amaluna,

it's the wonderful Romeo.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MID-TEMPO MUSIC

AUDIENCE GASPS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC

APPLAUSE

GASPING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Romeo, ladies and gentlemen!

Romeo!

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

Romeo, that was incredibly impressive.

I think we are all astounded at your skills on the pole,

but, of course, I have been waiting at the top of it the whole time.

I was wondering, Romeo, if you have the ability to do this.

Music, please.

SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

No hands, mate, no hands.

OK, bring me down, please.

Hang on, I'm stuck.

Hold on. Ow! I don't like it.

Hold on. No, I'm OK.

You don't need to help me, I know what I'm doing.

Thank you. Can we have the music, please, for the dismount?

SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Romeo, ladies and gentlemen.

CHEERING

You can catch the show in London and Manchester later in the year.

One more time for the fantastic Romeo!

OK, I can tell you, Parisa, that Shannon has arrived

and is in the building.

I think we can see him arriving.

Here comes Shannon, who seems to be with a snooker referee.

There he is. There is Shannon. Is that Shannon?

-Yes. Shannon is in. Who is he with?

-Adam, one of our friends.

Adam, who is in on it.

Yes. And he works with Shannon as well.

OK. He is in a room downstairs, and he has already getting to work.

There he is, removing...

There is my wife standing in the corner.

But the focus here is on Shannon. Let's see him complete this job.

Be the showman! Be the showman!

Be the showman.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MICHAEL SCREAMS

He couldn't resist, Parisa, that's amazing.

He did the little thing.

He's born to be on the stage.

So let's bring out the corridor in the room. Let's do that.

The irony is we probably could have got Shannon to do this bit too.

So I'm going to have a look in it, all right?

I'm just going to get in it.

Right. Have I been picked up anywhere, yet?

CHEERING

This is the corridor where he is going to come through.

This says storeroom... Oh, hello.

So this will be the moment that picks Shannon up

when he goes into the room, OK?

So in we go into the storeroom, which... Ah!

It looks amazing. I don't know who is picking me up. Are you there?

Where are you?

CHEERING That one. OK.

So, as you can see, there are many cameras in here

to cover the moment.

It says CCTV. Can you...? Can you see where it says CCTV?

I wholly imagine that he will suddenly think

there's been an enormous level of theft of loo rolls

and cloths and towels.

The theatre have just... They've had a clamp-down, you know?

So that, hopefully, will explain the situation.

OK, so he will come in here and he will pick up this box,

which is quite heavy, and he is going to turn around

and then all of this is going to collapse,

these are going to collapse,

and he is going to have this huge, amazing moment.

All right, I will come back out and see you,

and then we will bring Shannon up. OK? All right.

We don't know how he is going to react, so I will take one of these.

All right, so I will just come out here.

We will do this.

I don't think a really need this, unless you need this, Parisa. OK.

Let's do it. Let's bring him up, let's bring him up.

Hello, fellas. I've got a couple of big boxes upstairs.

Can I grab someone strong to give me a hand?

-Yeah.

-It's the same stuff again, just stuff we can bring down here.

-Yeah, that's fine.

-Is that all right, do you mind?

Yeah, that's OK, don't worry about it.

Thanks, mate.

I reckon you'll be here probably one more hour,

maybe two hours, if that's all right.

Actually, cos you're the stronger man of the two,

just in there, in the shelf there's a big box that says "Fragile".

If you grab that one, I'll grab the other one and meet you down here.

-All right, just here, yeah?

-Yeah, in that storeroom.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Shannon!

Let me take that from you, Shannon. It's OK.

Welcome, Shannon. How are you?

It's Shannon, ladies and gentlemen, our Unexpected Star of the show.

Handyman Shannon!

Come and join me on the stage.

CHEERING

How are you feeling, Shannon?

I want to cry.

You can see out there is your friends.

I can tell you that Adam is also in on this.

There he is. Give us a wave, Adam.

CHEERING

Shannon, you may have sensed that this is not a real job

and if it is, you have made a mess of it.

Erm, Shannon, you are here on my show to hopefully be something

that we're calling the Unexpected Star of the show.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So let me explain what's happening.

You are here to do a removals job, is that right?

-Mm.

-How's that been going?

It was swell.

And we were actually watching you do a little bit of the removals.

There was boa that you took out that you started to, sort of, flutter.

Yeah, I like dressing up and stuff.

So you're a bit of a performer, aren't you, Shannon?

I like to sing, yeah.

-You enjoy singing.

-Yeah.

So you have been set up by Parisa. There she is, lovely Parisa.

-She knows all about your love of singing and performing, so...

-Hmm...

..what the plan is, with your consent, Shannon,

we've actually arranged a performance for you

at the end of the show on this stage for 2,500 people, so...

all I need to do is ask you if you are prepared tonight

to be our Unexpected Star of the show.

-Are you up for it, Shannon?

-Yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK.

At the end of the show, you will be taking part

in a huge musical spectacular performance

on this West End stage for everybody.

So, until we see him at the end of the show,

let's hear it for our Unexpected Star of the show,

Shannon! Amazing.

Off he goes to get ready. Go on, Shannon.

OK, now, ladies and gentlemen,

it is time for my favourite game of them all.

It is, of course, Send To All!

Yes.

So let's see who's in our Royal Send To All box this week.

It's Bruno Tonioli!

Bruno, ciao!

Ciao, bellissimo.

You do look amazing, Bruno. How are you?

I've been very good.

We did a fantastic tour with Strictly Come Dancing.

-All around the country.

-Strictly - it's the biggest show on TV, Bruno.

-It's fantastic.

-You must be very proud to be a part of that.

-I'm very proud.

-We love it. Don't we love Bruno, we love Strictly?

Come on. Bruno is a legend. Bruno is a legend for being here tonight.

Now, Bruno, I just wanted to ask,

you did celebrate quite recently a bit of a milestone birthday.

-Is it OK if you tell us your age?

-Yeah, of course.

I'm very proud to be 60.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bruno, you look absolutely amazing!

I'm still, you know...

What?!

There's no way that was your leg.

MICHAEL LAUGHS

That's absolutely extraordinary.

-OK, now, Bruno.

-Yeah.

If you're ready to play Send To All, please can you hand over your phone?

We've got this contraption which will actually...

Have you seen this?

It's a delivery system.

There.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, big round of applause.

Bruno's phone is no longer in his possession.

All right, brilliant.

Yay!

OK, all right. So, this is Bruno's mobile telephone.

This should hopefully come up...

Ah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-OK. So these are your apps.

-Yeah.

-Oh, Bruno...

-What?

It's so predictable.

The Mail Online. I never miss a click.

-The walk of shame.

-The news in the world.

-Wherever you are in the world...

-Kim Kardashian's bottom.

..is there.

The Free Dictionary. This is good.

Do you use this in Strictly under the desk?

"You were...marvellous!"

I have to find a new word.

Brilliant!

OK. So this is...

-What is that?

-These are your pictures. What have we got here?

Oh, that is...

LAUGHTER

CHEERING

What have you done?!

Well, I'm on holiday.

I'm just taking to the sea, look at me.

Ooh!

Artistic, ladies and gentlemen.

Old time. You know, this is old time classic, black and white.

Are you with someone here or did you set the timer?

-No, somebody took that picture, actually.

-OK.

Oh, my God! Bruno!

-I can't believe...

-Naked, again.

Who is that person?

Elaine Paige. A legend.

What is she doing with her hand?

I think it's time to write this text.

Let's get straight into the text.

I have a huge...

Yeah.

-..secret.

-Oh, God.

..to tell you. As you know I just turned...

60.

The reason I look so fabulous for my age

is I am actually 47.

I lied.

Please tell me we can still be friends...

Oh, God!

It's so... My God! It's so...

..when this story breaks in

the Daily Mail tomorrow?

OK, so let's just go through this text.

Which is in huge writing, by the way.

You certainly text as if you're 60.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

"Let me get my glasses."

I have a huge secret to tell you.

As you know I just turned 60.

The reason I look so fabulous for my age is I am actually 47.

I lied.

Please tell me we can still be friends

when the story breaks in the Daily Mail tomorrow?

Well, all that remains for me to do is press that.

That's gone, ladies and gentlemen. That text has gone.

And a huge hand for Bruno.

I love Bruno.

Thank you, darling.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my next guest is a comedian at the very top of his game.

And it gives me great pleasure to have him on the show tonight.

I love this guy. You're going to love him.

It's the hilarious Mr Rob Beckett. Come on, Becksy!

APPLAUSE

Hello.

APPLAUSE

Thanks.

Goodnight! Thanks!

Oh, thank you very much. It's exciting, isn't it?

I've had a big year. Got married.

CHEERING

And I live with her.

CHEERING

Got to put a shift in early doors, ain't you?

No. A lot of responsibilities in the house. I'm head of recycling.

Yeah, big job for a big dog.

I'm not very good at it, though.

You know you're suppose to wash out all the jars

and pots then put them in the recycling?

I don't wash them out. And then I just put them in the normal bin.

And I know that's wrong,

but knowing it's wrong is the first step to getting it right, isn't it?

And also, at Canary Wharf,

they have their lights on 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

That's a bigger problem, isn't it?

I don't think the issue is my three Yazoos a week.

I can't do anything in the house. I'm useless at DIY.

I have to get me dad's mate round, he loves it.

One of those geezers who knows all the words. I don't know any.

He bangs on all the walls.

You know when they bang on all the walls, giving it...

Oh, that's a curtain, that. That is...

LAUGHTER

I'm not normally that bad at DIY.

"What you got behind there? Window. Classic."

I'm rubbish. He bangs on the walls going,

"Stud wall. Is that a stud wall?"

"I've got no idea what that means, mate."

"STUD WALL!" "Yeah, the volume weren't a problem.

"I can hear you, that's not the issue here."

"Stud wall. Is it a stud wall?"

"Stop keep saying it, I don't know what it means."

What do you mean a stud wall? It goes out with all the other walls?

Has he got a motorbike? Goes out with a cheerleader?

I'm very lucky to be married.

Let's be honest, I'm an odd-looking fella, aren't I?

I'm an acquired taste. Like Marmite or an oyster.

I don't know who made me, but I think they were taking the mick.

Must have been 4:45 on a Friday.

"Let's knock one more human out while we're here.

"What we got leftover?"

"Teeth for 11 people."

"Let's start there, work backwards, shall we?

"How's he looking?" "Hungry."

"Got a problem - he keeps falling over.

"He's too top heavy with the teeth. He keeps going."

"Hm, have you made him as wide as he is tall?" "Yes."

"Still keeps falling over.

"Oh. I'll tell you what, don't give him a neck."

And they didn't!

Who needs a neck, mate? Not me.

I can see you. Don't worry about that.

I'm head of holidays, another one of me jobs.

Went Iceland, got a deal.

Strangely cheap.

Almost like there was a catch.

And there was a catch.

Got to Iceland in December, four hours of sunlight per day.

Sun comes up at 11, goes by three. It's like a council worker.

Four hours! I couldn't chill out.

It's like being trapped in The Crystal Maze. It's stressful.

No, I was watching telly. Titanic come on, I got into that.

I missed Thursday.

Oh, it was freezing, -15, snow up to my knees,

I'm wading through it in my Reebok Classics.

Soaking wet feet, I don't get it.

They're leather upper, what's happening?

I went to a bar to get a drink. Barman's looking up.

Went, "What you doing here?" I went, "I want a drink, mate."

He went, "This is the worst snowstorm we've had for 60 years.

"Divvy over here has been wading through it.

"Wandering about, going, 'How do they live like this?' "

They don't, they go home.

Also went Dubai last year.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

It is a bit, isn't it? Expensive - Dubai.

Not for me though, got a deal, didn't it?

Second and last holiday I was allowed to book.

Oh, it was cheap, mate, very cheap, strangely cheap.

Almost like there was a catch.

I don't know if you've been to Dubai in June.

Don't take a coat.

Get off the plane. It is 45 degrees and Ramadan.

I have never been so hot and thirsty in all my life.

45! I slow cook pork on 45!

I'm laying in it.

She's like, "What we doing for dinner?

"My left shoulder, by the looks of things."

Now I'm married I have to spend more time with the in-laws.

That's something you have to do, isn't it?

Spend time with the in-laws.

They're a bit posh, mine. I had to go ballet.

I went ballet. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

And I've been mugged.

Absolute joke, mate.

Nothing's happening in it, no talking, nothing,

just dancing, that's it.

The funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. It was so posh.

Two older ladies behind me chatting.

One says to the other,

"I think I'm going to get Giles a truffle cutter."

"Giles a truffle cutter."

I don't know where you get either of those things.

A Giles or a truffle cutter.

How small does he want his chocolates?

I don't even know where it is in the Argos catalogue to cut it out.

He must have a great life if all he needs is a truffle cutter.

He's probably not happy, is he? He's like us.

You think you've got it, but he always wants a little bit more,

he's probably at home furious like, "Seriously, guys!

"Where is my truffle cutter?

"Where is it?

"How do you expect me to cut my truffles?

"Scissors?!

"Are you mad, Cynthia?"

Good at posh face, ain't I?

All you need is horse teeth and an angle on it.

If you want to go full posh, though,

you've got to do the hair as well

and it's all there for everyone to see.

"Seriously, guys!

"This is not a joke.

"Where is my truffle cutter?

"Cynthia, answer me this. Have you ever eaten a truffle whole?

"No, because I cut them with my truffle cutter."

I'm Rob Beckett. See you later.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.

Rob! Come back here!

Stop! Come back here!

Rob Beckett, ladies and gentlemen.

CHEERING

Come on. That was brilliant. You enjoy that? Hilarious.

Hi, girls. I can't not look at you. What are you doing over there?

We love you, Michael!

This is such a rare event for me. What's that you've got?

Is that chalk or something?

It's so that you can rub it off

and love somebody else at any moment?

It feels loving but a little bit threatening.

It's a bit like, "We love you for now,

"OK, let's not make it permanent."

Why did you go for this outfit?

-We're superheroes.

-We're superheroes.

OK, what's your superpower?

-To speak silly.

-To speak silly.

Round of applause for the silly girls. I don't care. I don't care.

They love me. They love me!

Ladies and gentleman, what fun we're having here tonight.

I can tell you that Shannon has been rehearsing like mad backstage

for his big musical theatre spectacular. There he is.

There's Shannon getting stuck in.

Aren't we looking forward to his performance tonight

as our Unexpected Star of the show?

OK.

So, my next guests are a band whose debut album went straight to No.1

last year. This year they were nominated for four Brit awards.

What a treat to have them here tonight. It's Years & Years!

CHEERING

# Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh!

# Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh!

# Oh, I must be tough

# I must behave

# I must keep fighting

# Don't give it up

# I want to keep us compromising

# Now open your arms and pray

# To the truth that you're denying

# And give in to the game

# To the sense that you've been hiding

# Now where are you taking me?

# I can't be blamed

# I want you to want me again

# Is it desire

# Or is it love that I'm feeling for you?

# I want desire

# Cos your love only gets me abused

# Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh!

# Jinxing that rush

# I need to show what you've been missing

# Give me your touch

# I hope your love is not forbidden

# Now wherever you're taking me

# I can't be blamed

# I want you to want me again

# Is it desire

# Or is it love that I'm feeling for you?

# I want desire

# Cos your love only gets me abused

# Is it desire

# Or is it love that I'm feeling for you?

# I want desire

# I wanna see what you're willing to lose

# Taking, pretending you're nothing but giving

# Making me lose my cool

# Faking my love game

# Baby, we're the same

# Heart turned from good to cruel

# You know that you've got me

# You've locked me down

# You tell me you want me

# Is it desire

# Or is it love that I'm feeling for you?

# I want desire

# Cos your love only gets me abused

# Is it desire

# Or is it love that I'm feeling for you?

# I want desire

# I wanna see what you're willing to lose

# What you're willing to lose

# Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh!

# What you're willing to lose

# Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh!

# What you're willing to lose

# Desire

# Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh! #

CHEERING

Years & Years, ladies and gentlemen! They're the boys!

They're the boys! Hello, nice to meet you. Michael.

Hello. Well done. Yay!

-Oh, that was fantastic! Did you enjoy that?

-Yes.

-Oh, that was cool.

We've got a very unfair audience.

Wasn't that fantastic? Sensational?

CHEERING

Years & Years! I love that outfit.

They're from the future, ladies and gentlemen.

Yeah!

# Is it desire? #

OK, earlier tonight, Bruno Tonioli agreed to hand over his phone

to me and I sent a text message to his contacts, so the text was...

-Well, Bruno, there have been some replies.

-Oh, God.

Well, let's just go through them one by one.

Erm, Carol Hayes. Who's that?

Carol Hayes is an agent, a friend of mine,

and she knew me from the days

when I used to dance at a dance centre in Covent Garden.

She used to be the receptionist at the dance centre

and then she made a career for herself.

-And that's when she knew you?

-Yeah.

She's just come with, "Who is this, please?"

-Hills. Who's Hills?

-Oh, Hilary Shaw is a music business manager.

Right, well, she's very, very concerned.

"Bruno, I just received a text from you. I'm really confused.

"Is it really from you? Call me now. I'm home all evening."

She used to deal... She used to deal with pop stars, so, you know, panic.

-Yes.

-We have to send her a text immediately.

Will send her text immediately.

-ITALIAN ACCENT: "I'm on my way over."

-Oh!

OK, here's Gary Lineker.

CHEERING

Quite simple and to the point. "Ha-ha, daft idiot."

-That's my Gary.

-Erm, oh, my God, you've got so many famous friends!

-Julien Macdonald, the fashion designer.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK. "LOL, I only thought you were a fabulous 40.

"Whatever the age, you look fabulous, darling."

-Two kisses, three biceps and one heart.

-Oh.

-Oh, Julien.

-Nice Julien.

-Oh-h!

-40!

-Everyone loves you!

Kelly Hoppen. Dragon, Kelly Hoppen!

-She's not a dragon, she's a nice woman.

-OK, you're right.

-She's not a dragon.

-"Darling, I could not care how old you are.

"We love you, no matter what. Just ignore the press."

She is so brilliant.

-I'm going to text her back.

-No.

ITALIAN ACCENT: "Also, my name isn't Bruno."

-You're going to...

-LAUGHTER

You're going to get me into so much trouble.

-Oh, Gary Kemp. Gary Kemp.

-Oh, Spandau Ballet.

-He's on to it, no-one gets past Kempy.

-No.

"This is a joke, Bruno, surely?" Sad face.

I don't know why he said sad face, but anyway. He's...

-Kemp can't cope with it.

-He's very smart.

He's pacing, "This must be a joke, this must be a joke.

"Which emoji shall I send?

"I'm going to send a sad face and see what happens."

-No, I think I actually might get back to him with...

-No, no, don't.

-Just in none word, it's got to be...

-No.

-"True."

No, no.

Oh, no.

I think the bottom line here is exactly what I suspected,

Bruno, you're incredibly well loved by all these people

who also fully expected you to be lying.

Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful, the fantastic, Bruno Tonioli!

Amazing! What a fantastic sport.

OK, ladies and gentlemen, the wait is over.

It is time for the performance of tonight's

Unexpected Star of the show!

Earlier tonight,

a handyman named Shannon came to do a removals job at the theatre

but he was really here so we could help him

fulfil his dream of performing on a West End stage.

And I will now introduce him.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my next guest is a singer who always delivers the goods.

Like the contents of his van, prepare to be moved.

Please give him cash in hand... sorry, a big hand,

singing Beauty School Dropout from the musical Grease,

it's our handyman, Shannon Taiwo!

CHEERING

# Your story sad to tell

# A teenage ne'er-do-well

# Most mixed up non-delinquent on the block

# Your future's so unclear now

# What's left of your career now?

# Can't even get a trade-in

# On your smock

# Da-dum-da-dum-da-dum!

# Beauty school dropout

# No graduation day for you

# Beauty school dropout

# Missed your midterms and flunked shampoo

# Well, at least you could have taken time

# To wash and clean your clothes up

# After spending all that dough

# To have the doctor fix your nose up

# Baby, don't sweat it Don't sweat it

# You're not cut out to hold a job

-# Better forget it

-Forget it

# Who wants their hair done by a slob?

# Well, your bangs are curled your lashes whirled

# But still the world is cruel

# Wipe off that angel face and go back to high school!

# Baby, don't blow it

# Don't put my good advice to shame

# Baby, you know it

# Even dear Abby'd say the same!

# Well, I've called the shot, get off the pot

# I've really gotta fly!

# Gotta be going to that malt shop

# In the sky! #

CHEERING

-# Beauty school dropout

-Beauty school dropout

# Go back to high school

-# Beauty school dropout

-Beauty school dropout. #

CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Shannon, the handyman!

Shannon, well done.

-Thanks very much.

-Yeah, it was amazing.

Oh, what about that, ladies and gentlemen?

Oh! Has this day gone better than you imagined

when you came to the theatre tonight?

Oh, yeah.

Shannon!

Don't rub out my name and replace it with Shannon!

You're so fickle!

-OK, how are you feeling right now?

-Amazing. Yeah, on top of the world.

Well, I have to say you've performed fantastically. You were supercool.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's tonight's Unexpected Star of the show,

Shannon Taiwo!

Yay, thank you so much. Brilliant. Amazing. What about that?

He did fantastically.

It's Eurovision next week, ladies and gentlemen,

so we'll be back in two weeks' time where someone else

will be getting the shock of their life

and become the Unexpected Star of the show,

another celebrity will be playing Send To All

and more unmissable star performances and audience fun.

See you then. Good night! Bravo!

If you know somebody who you'd like to nominate to be

an Unexpected Star of the show for the next series...

'..or in fact want to nominate someone for any surprise...'

We can now go live to your house.

It's a show home.

..please go to...

..for all the details.