Episode 4 Michael McIntyre's Big Show


Episode 4

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Tonight on my Big Show...

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Olympic hero Rebecca Adlington plays Celebrity Send To All!

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There's music from pop legend Rick Astley

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and pop sensation Olly Murs.

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There's comedy from rising star, Al Porter.

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And who will be tonight's Unexpected Star of the show?

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All this and so much more.

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-ANNOUNCER:

-Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Big Show!

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Please welcome your host, Michael McIntyre!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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MICHAEL LAUGHS

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APPLAUSE CONTINUES

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and welcome...to my Big Show!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Tonight we have an absolutely incredible

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show for your entertainment.

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WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE

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We're going to have some big stars, big laughs and big surprises! Yay!

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APPLAUSE

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Now, I'm a comedian, I make jokes.

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And when I see people in real life, sometimes I make a joke,

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and, you know, I like those moments, cos they go, "Oh, that's funny!

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"Oh, you're like, you're funny! You're funny in real life."

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I made a joke in the airport and I thought it was funny,

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and this woman, she just tutted and rolled her eyes at me.

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Maybe it wasn't funny. I'm going to run it by you, OK?

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I was in duty free. You know in duty free it's always

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very weird, because they ask for your boarding pass,

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which is always an odd situation when you're paying for something.

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You know, you want... You're in the shop and you go, "Can I get this?"

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And they go, "Can I see your boarding pass, please?"

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You have to prove you're flying on an aeroplane, even though you're in an airport.

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You have to go, "Yes, I am flying on an aeroplane."

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I don't know what they're suggesting, you know,

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what's the accusation here?

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That I've driven to Gatwick Terminal North,

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that I've parked in a long stay car park,

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I've taken a shuttle bus to the terminal,

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then I've breached the most stringent security measures there's ever been without a ticket to fly?

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Just so I can visit this Pret A Manger?

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Is that really what you think I've done?

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Do you have any idea how many Pret A Mangers I drove past

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to get to this one?

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No, no, not that one. I like the one at Gatwick!

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LAUGHTER

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So, anyway, I'm in this shop and I thought I'd buy my son

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a little present, as a token of being away, you know, a gesture.

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So, I'm in duty free and I got him this little plane,

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just a little toy plane, you know, little cheap rubbish, but you know...

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I put it on the counter and the woman said,

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"Can I see your boarding pass?"

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And I said, "I'm not getting on it."

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LAUGHTER Now, that's not hilarious...

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But it's not a tut and an eye roll, is it?

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Yeah, well, you're my people.

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Now, they don't know how many parents we've got in here tonight

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but long journeys are a lot better with children since the iPad.

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IPads, they're a real game-changer for parents,

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they're like little magical devices, aren't they?

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That shut your children up at any time, day or night.

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It's amazing, my eldest, he wakes up at around 5:30,

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six o'clock in the morning, he runs into our bedroom, "Morning!"

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I'm like, not for me and I just Frisbee an iPad.

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Go on, off you go.

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LAUGHTER

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88% battery, I'll see you in at least two hours.

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I'm going back to sleep.

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Sit by the plug, charge it, I'll see you next Thursday.

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They're so lucky, children of today,

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they've got iPods and iPads and iPhones. In our day, we had I Spy.

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How awful was our lives compared to the lives of our children?

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How boring was I Spy? Something beginning with...

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C. Is it car?

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Yes, it is car. Dad, your turn.

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How about if we include things inside the vehicle?

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LAUGHTER

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I played Thumb War with my son recently.

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I said, "Do you want to play Thumb War?" He's 11, he's like, "Shall I download it?"

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"No, you can't download Thumb War.

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"This is a battle between my thumb and your thumb."

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So I showed him how to play it.

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You interlock your hands like this and you jockey for position.

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You have to declare it, you can't just go straight into battle.

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One, two, three, four, I declare... Thumb War!

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Then you try and hold the other person's thumb down,

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I thought I'd go easy on him cos I've got my big daddy thumb, he's got his little 11-year-old thumb,

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but of course, I don't realise, he's been texting since he was born.

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He was some kind of Thumb War ninja.

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I couldn't even see his thumb moving.

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IMITATES MACHINE-GUN FIRE

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I just get beaten over and over again. Agh! Get off! Get back on the iPad! Ow!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to find out

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who will be tonight's Unexpected Star of the show.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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So, this is Verity Carlo.

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There she is. That's Verity. CHEERING

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She's a part-time barmaid and is now training to be a teacher.

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She's coming to our fake shop front at the back of the theatre,

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and this is what it looked like earlier today,

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and this is what it is like now.

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It's an art gallery. We've called it Framed. Hello!

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LAUGHTER

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And there's going to be an exhibition via an artist,

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he's called "Rupet Dexta",

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which is the best I could do to make an anagram out of Unexpected Star.

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There are several letters missing.

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LAUGHTER

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So, she's working there tonight.

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I'm going to show you around, actually, I think.

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And she's been told that all the works of art, it's modern art,

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everything's worth thousands of pounds, but actually,

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it's worthless, nothing is worth anything...

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LAUGHTER It's junk.

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LAUGHTER

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Those paintings there,

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they've actually been done by three-year-olds.

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Three-year-olds who aren't even particularly good at art, OK?

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So these are...

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LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

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They've all got really poncey names as well.

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Yeah, this is called Deceased.

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That's by Rupet Dexta, £2,000, the batteries. There's another...

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LAUGHTER

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It's junk!

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APPLAUSE

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All right. Do we have a picture of the black, the black painting?

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All right, so here, it's just a painting that's black.

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When he comes in, the artist, I'm going to get him to go mad

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with, um, Verity, but it's the wrong way round, so...

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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But of course, I know that Verity loves to sing.

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But she's only ever sung in the car, in the shower,

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a little bit of karaoke, so her friends wanted to give her

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a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

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And I believe her fiance is here?

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Mark? Where's Mark?

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Hello, Mark. Look at you, Marky!

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Ladies and gentlemen, say hi to Mark if you can see Mark.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-So, Mark...

-Yes?

-You are Verity's fiance.

-Yes.

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So, tell me about Verity.

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We got engaged two months ago, so, yeah, when we was on holiday, so...

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-Yeah.

-Very good. WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE

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-All planned? You had the ring and everything?

-All planned.

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-All planned.

-Everybody knew apart from her, obviously, so, yeah...

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-Yeah, that's the best way to go about it.

-Obviously.

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How do you think she's going to react to all the fun we've lined up for her?

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Yeah, she's going to be shocked.

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So she's told you that she's coming to work...?

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-Yeah, as a waitress for the evening, um, at an art gallery, so...

-OK.

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-And she's with her friend, Rachel, is that right?

-Rachel.

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Who's in on it, so she's...

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-Rachel's been the main sort of planner for it.

-OK.

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-And I gather her parents are here, is that right?

-Yeah, her mum and dad are here.

-Mum and Dad? Hi, Dad.

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Nice to see you, hi. How do you think Verity's going to perform?

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-Do you think she's going to be able to handle it?

-She's going to kill him.

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All right, let's see how it goes.

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Thank you so much for putting her forward for this.

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Let's give a big round of applause for Mark and Verity's mum and dad! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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All right.

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It's on.

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OK, so, I think we can go live to the art gallery now and see,

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hopefully...

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Oh!

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Can you confirm that that is your future bride, Verity?

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There she is?

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OK. She looks like she's having the most boring day.

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LAUGHTER

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Now...in with her there is Gemma.

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Gemma, if you can hear me,

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take a crafty sip of that alcohol on the table there.

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I'm just going to...

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LAUGHTER

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Look at Verity's face.

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-You've got to, haven't you?

-Love it.

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That's just taken the edge off.

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Gemma, ask Verity what she honestly thinks of the art?

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What do you honestly think of all this art?

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It's horrendous?

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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I agree. How much would you pay for that?

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Gemma, why don't we nick the batteries and just say,

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"Batteries not included."

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Why don't we just nick the batteries and say, "Batteries not included."

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I think that'll make it worth more.

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Gemma, say, "Have you met the artist?"

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-You've not met Rupert, have you?

-No.

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No.

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-'He is...'

-OK. I'll be honest now.

-'..one of the most annoying...'

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-He's one of the most annoying...

-'..men, I've ever met.'

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-Men, I've ever met.

-In what sense?

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'Completely embarrassing.'

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-Just completely embarrassing.

-'He thinks he's a character...'

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Well, he thinks he's a character, right, but...

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-'He's a joke.'

-He's a joke.

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-'He's just a wally.'

-He's just a wally.

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'Try not to laugh when you meet him.'

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OK, seriously, try not to laugh when you meet him, OK?

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I don't know, who knows?

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Who knows?

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OK, send in Rupert.

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Oh!

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Hi, I'm Rupert.

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This is all me.

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-Hi, there, we met.

-Hello... Gemma.

-Gemma, yeah.

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-Hello.

-Hi.

-And...?

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I'm Verity.

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-Verity, a pleasure to meet you. And, you are?

-Rachel.

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-Rachel?

-Yes.

-Lovely.

-Lovely to meet you.

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Rupert, stare at the black painting and go, "Oh, no!"

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Oh!

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It's upside down.

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This is upside down.

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Fix it, fix it, I can't even look.

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-I'm not even going to look.

-I'm so sorry.

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-It's such a big day for me.

-Yeah, I know.

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Please, please, just turn it the right way up.

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It's upside down at the moment. Ladies, can you just do that.

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Can you just sort it and turn it upside down.

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It's all right, it's all right. It's going to be fine. Just breathe.

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Don't worry.

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If you turn it...

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You can look.

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OK, slowly walk over and say, "It's perfect".

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No, no, no,...

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That's perfect.

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LAUGHTER

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Thank you so much.

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Can you ask, ask Verity, say,

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"Honestly, what do you think of my work?"

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Honestly, what do you think of my work?

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It's very interesting.

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I've never seen anything like it before.

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That's my favourite piece.

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-This?

-Yes, it's very good.

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This is, I think, a very powerful piece.

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One of my favourites.

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This is 18 months.

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Say, "You're going to get your head together, I'll see you later."

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If it's all right with you,

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-I'm just going to get my head together...

-Sure.

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And bring in some of the work.

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-'It's a very big night for me.'

-Great.

-It's a very important...

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-'I thank you for being part of it.'

-Thank you all for being part of it.

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That's great. We're pleased to meet you.

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-'Thank you.'

-Thank you.

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So now people are going to come to the exhibition and then we're

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going to call her up to the stage to get some champagne

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and then the walls will collapse and we're going to give her the biggest surprise of her life.

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All I need you to do is be as quiet as you can when she's coming

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up and then as soon as the walls come down,

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you have to go completely nuts

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to give her the maximum shock.

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And, of course, I will immediately direct her towards her loved ones

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so she can relax because she seems a little feisty.

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LAUGHTER

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I wondering whether she's just going to knock me out cold.

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Right, we're all set. It's happening.

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So...

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This is our fake room.

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So that is in there

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and she's going to be sent up there to get more, I think, champagne.

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That's the door that over there

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and then those walls collapse and then we're going to give her

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this amazing surprise.

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OK, so let's bring her up.

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Hello, everybody. Is it all right?

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Rupert, thank you for coming down, much appreciated.

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An absolute pleasure. It calls for a bit of champagne.

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Can I just grab someone to... Do you just mind giving me a...

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-I'm not very good at carrying stuff.

-I'll give you a hand. Let's take a tray.

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WHISPERS: She's coming, she's coming. So far, so good.

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Shhhh.

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Basically there's a few more people coming down

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and I just think there's one person who's coming down

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who's got quite a bit of money and they might want to buy something.

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If we could turn it into a bit more of a gathering,

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-a bit more of a party...

-Mmm.

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We might be all right.

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So, yeah, if I get the champagne.

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Ah, yeah, the tray's in here.

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If you can just get one of them trays... We'll use that one.

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And just fill that with a few flute glasses.

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I'll just get the champagne, I'll be back in a minute.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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What?!

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How did I get here?

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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it's our Unexpected Star Of The Show, Verity!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Come on.

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Come and join me.

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Oh, dear, Verity,

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look it's your fiance, Mark.

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There's Mum and Dad.

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Who did this?

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Well, tonight, Verity... You've been working next-door?

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Yeah.

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-How's that been going?

-Yeah, it was awful.

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So, Verity, Rachel who's been in on this whole thing

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has got in touch with us and said that you like singing.

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There they all are.

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None of those people are real. Er...

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Oh, my God!

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Rupert, as you may have guessed...

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-He's ridiculous.

-..is not an artist.

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For God's sake, he was dreadful.

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He's been putting you on the spot, and said, "What do you think?"

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You said, "Interesting,"

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which I thought was the most polite way of saying...

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-Terrible.

-Terrible.

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-So the plan is, Verity...

-Mmm.

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You would be taken backstage and you've got to the end of the

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show to prepare a performance, quite an exciting performance.

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It will be you on this stage for all these people singing.

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2,000 people...

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-My, God.

-..who are very much rooting for you.

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Verity, I just have to ask you to confirm.

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Will you be tonight's Unexpected Star Of The Show.

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-I'd love to be, thank you.

-Yeah!

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APPLAUSE

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's Verity our Unexpected Star Of The Show!

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Brilliant, thank you so much.

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All right.

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My next guest, ladies and gentlemen

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is an '80s icon.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

0:17:030:17:05

Who retired in 1993 having sold over 40 million records.

0:17:050:17:10

Now he is back with a number one album

0:17:120:17:16

and I love this new song and you're going to love it too.

0:17:160:17:20

It's Rick Astley, ladies and gentlemen!

0:17:200:17:22

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:17:220:17:25

Here we go.

0:17:310:17:33

# If you're ever gonna make this work

0:17:330:17:36

# You gotta pick yourself up from out of the dirt

0:17:380:17:42

# You might need someone to give you a helping hand

0:17:420:17:46

# Show you what to do, make you understand

0:17:460:17:51

# Well you never thought that you would fall

0:17:520:17:55

# Now you're on your knees and you're about ready to crawl

0:17:560:18:00

# You need someone to rid you of your disease

0:18:010:18:06

# I'll tell you what to do, show you how to be

0:18:060:18:10

# If you pray with me

0:18:100:18:12

# On your knees under the willow trees

0:18:120:18:15

# And pray with me for what we need

0:18:150:18:19

# Might not be money, it might not be gold

0:18:190:18:22

# Let your love release your soul

0:18:220:18:24

# Come on and pray

0:18:240:18:26

# Won't you pray

0:18:260:18:29

# With me...

0:18:290:18:30

# Lordy, lordy, lordy

0:18:320:18:34

# Lordy, lordy, lordy

0:18:370:18:39

# There's electric in your veins

0:18:400:18:43

# It's burning you up and you can't stand the pain

0:18:430:18:48

# You need someone to listen to your fiction

0:18:480:18:53

# But ain't left doing just one more addiction

0:18:530:18:57

# If you pray with me

0:18:570:19:00

# On your knees under the willow trees

0:19:000:19:03

# And pray with me for what we need

0:19:030:19:05

# What we need, yeah

0:19:050:19:07

# It might not be money, it might not be gold

0:19:070:19:10

# Let your love release your soul

0:19:100:19:12

# Come on and pray, won't you pray with me

0:19:120:19:17

# Lordy, lordy, lordy

0:19:190:19:22

# Lordy, lordy, lordy

0:19:240:19:27

# Show me emotion, show me your pain

0:19:270:19:31

# Let it out so you can live again

0:19:310:19:36

# Share your emotion, share your pain

0:19:360:19:40

# Scream and shout so you can love again

0:19:400:19:45

# If you pray with me, yeah

0:19:450:19:47

# Gonna pray with me, won't you pray with me, yeah

0:19:470:19:50

# Pray with me for what we need

0:19:500:19:54

# Might not be money, might not be gold

0:19:550:19:57

# Let your love release your soul

0:19:570:19:59

# Pray, won't you pray

0:19:590:20:03

# With me

0:20:030:20:06

# On your knees under the willow trees

0:20:060:20:09

# And pray with me for what we need, yeah

0:20:090:20:13

# Might not be money, might not be gold

0:20:130:20:15

# Let your love release your soul

0:20:150:20:18

# Come on and pray

0:20:180:20:20

# Won't you pray

0:20:200:20:23

# With me

0:20:230:20:25

# Lordy, lordy, lordy

0:20:250:20:28

# Lordy, lordy, lordy. #

0:20:310:20:34

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:20:340:20:36

Thank you!

0:20:360:20:38

# Pray with me... #

0:20:430:20:44

That is such a good song!

0:20:440:20:46

Instant classic!

0:20:460:20:48

CHEERING

0:20:480:20:50

Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Astley, come on.

0:20:530:20:55

CHEERING

0:20:550:20:56

Rick Astley.

0:20:560:20:57

# Pray with me... #

0:20:570:20:59

OK, ladies and gentlemen,

0:21:020:21:04

who wants to play Celebrity Send To All?

0:21:040:21:07

CHEERING

0:21:070:21:09

Yeah, this is where I take a celebrity's mobile phone and

0:21:090:21:12

send a text of my choosing to their contacts and see what

0:21:120:21:15

hilarious replies they get at the end of the show.

0:21:150:21:18

So let's see who's in our Send To All box this week.

0:21:180:21:21

Why it's double Olympic gold medal winning swimmer, Rebecca Adlington!

0:21:210:21:26

Come on, Bexsie!

0:21:270:21:29

She's a champion!

0:21:290:21:31

Hi, darling.

0:21:330:21:35

-How are you?

-I'm good. How are you?

0:21:350:21:37

So, who are you here with tonight, Rebecca?

0:21:370:21:39

-My sister Laura and my mum Kay.

-Lovely.

0:21:390:21:41

Welcome. Welcome along.

0:21:410:21:43

-I can't thank you enough for being here...

-Thank you.

0:21:430:21:45

..and agreeing to play this,

0:21:450:21:47

which is a very fun game with no harm done.

0:21:470:21:49

Slightly scary.

0:21:490:21:51

-So, tell us about Rio. How was that?

-Yes.

0:21:510:21:54

Cos we won more gold medals...or medals than ever before,

0:21:540:21:57

so we're proud.

0:21:570:21:58

It was amazing. The swimming team had the best ever Olympics...ever!

0:21:580:22:02

-That's good.

-Which was amazing.

0:22:020:22:04

How was your swimming? Cos you did retire from swimming.

0:22:060:22:09

Do you allow yourself to swim?

0:22:090:22:12

-Yes.

-What's it like when you swim, like, on holiday?

0:22:120:22:15

I pretend I can't swim.

0:22:150:22:17

-OK.

-Like, if I get in the pool, I just kind of do, like,

0:22:170:22:20

-the head-up breaststroke, where I don't get my hair wet.

-Yes.

0:22:200:22:24

Mums are very good at...

0:22:240:22:25

I think that should be an Olympic sport,

0:22:250:22:28

where it's not where who comes first,

0:22:280:22:30

it's who has the driest hair at the end.

0:22:300:22:34

OK. Let's have a big hand for Rebecca

0:22:340:22:36

for putting herself through this.

0:22:360:22:39

So...

0:22:390:22:40

..as you can see...

0:22:410:22:43

Is this for me to wear?

0:22:430:22:45

No. You pop your phone into the armband

0:22:450:22:48

and that's how you'll deliver it to me

0:22:480:22:51

and I will scoot down here... and bring it to me.

0:22:510:22:54

Thank you so much.

0:22:540:22:56

# Gold!

0:22:560:22:57

# Always believe in your soul

0:22:570:23:00

# You've got the power to know

0:23:000:23:03

# You're indestructible

0:23:030:23:05

# Always believe in

0:23:050:23:08

# You are gold

0:23:080:23:09

# Gold! #

0:23:090:23:10

I've got it. Ladies and gentlemen,

0:23:100:23:12

I am now in possession of Rebecca Adlington's mobile telephone.

0:23:120:23:16

There it is. Thank you.

0:23:160:23:18

All right. So, I plug this in here and, with a bit of fortune...

0:23:180:23:23

Yay!

0:23:230:23:26

Oh, who is that person?

0:23:270:23:29

My daughter Summer.

0:23:290:23:31

Aw. Summer, look at her, she's beautiful.

0:23:310:23:33

And you've named her after your favourite Olympics?!

0:23:330:23:37

Excellent.

0:23:370:23:38

Aw, adorable.

0:23:380:23:40

Let's see what apps you've got on here. What's this one?

0:23:400:23:43

It's the CCTV to my house.

0:23:430:23:46

LAUGHTER

0:23:460:23:48

Is it live?

0:23:480:23:49

-Yeah. So, if you press the plus...

-Right.

0:23:490:23:53

..and press home, and then go to camera one.

0:23:530:23:56

All right, cam one.

0:23:560:23:58

Whoa!

0:23:580:24:00

Whoa!

0:24:030:24:05

What about that?

0:24:050:24:06

So, this is your car outside your house?

0:24:060:24:10

-And there's another car.

-Yeah.

-And this is the...clothesline.

0:24:100:24:13

That's the garden.

0:24:130:24:15

I've never seen anyone put a CCTV on their clothesline before.

0:24:150:24:20

Are you out having dinner and like,

0:24:200:24:22

"I'm just going to check the clothesline, see if they're dry"?

0:24:220:24:26

"That swimsuit looks about done.

0:24:260:24:28

"I'd better head home. I've got to do a few lengths."

0:24:280:24:31

If you double-tap them they go bigger,

0:24:310:24:33

-so if you double-tap one of them...

-Double-tap... Oh!

0:24:330:24:37

Wow. You said that as if that was going to be

0:24:370:24:40

a very exciting moment for all of us.

0:24:400:24:42

OK.

0:24:440:24:45

So, we are going to pop a text into your phone, Rebecca,

0:24:450:24:49

and don't panic, it's absolutely fine, and the text is...

0:24:490:24:54

"OMG,

0:24:540:24:56

"Kim and Kanye..

0:24:560:25:00

"..have asked me

0:25:030:25:06

"to be their live-in swimming teacher.

0:25:060:25:15

"And how weird is this?

0:25:190:25:25

"Kanye is insisting I..."

0:25:260:25:30

-How many gold medals have you got?

-Two.

0:25:300:25:34

"..wear both medals...

0:25:340:25:41

"in every lesson.

0:25:410:25:46

"The money is amazing.

0:25:470:25:50

"What do you think?"

0:25:550:25:57

Kisses? Are you a kisser?

0:25:570:25:59

I do one big kiss, one little kiss.

0:25:590:26:02

All right, let's do that.

0:26:020:26:03

OK, this little dilemma will be presented to all that you know.

0:26:030:26:08

"OMG, Kim and Kanye have asked me

0:26:080:26:09

"to be their live-in swimming teacher.

0:26:090:26:12

"And how weird is this?

0:26:120:26:13

"Kanye is insisting I wear both my gold medals in every lesson.

0:26:130:26:17

"The money is amazing. What do you think?"

0:26:170:26:20

Shall I send that text?

0:26:200:26:21

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

0:26:210:26:23

All right. That is...gone!

0:26:230:26:27

CHEERING

0:26:270:26:29

We will be catching up with Rebecca later on in the show

0:26:290:26:32

and see what responses she gets to these texts.

0:26:320:26:35

In the meantime, one more time for the fantastic sport

0:26:350:26:38

that is Rebecca Adlington, ladies and gentlemen!

0:26:380:26:41

Whoo!

0:26:410:26:42

All right.

0:26:420:26:44

So, ladies and gentlemen,

0:26:440:26:47

my next guest was the toast of this year's Edinburgh Festival.

0:26:470:26:51

It is my absolute pleasure to introduce him to you.

0:26:510:26:54

Please welcome the wonderful Al Porter!

0:26:540:26:57

-Al Porter's here. Come on, Al.

-Hello.

0:26:570:27:00

Yes.

0:27:020:27:03

Hello. Thank you very much. Are we all well?

0:27:030:27:06

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

0:27:060:27:08

Yes. This is amazing. My name is Al.

0:27:080:27:10

Thank you so much for having me in this beautiful theatre.

0:27:100:27:13

Just to set things clear, if anybody is wondering, looking at me,

0:27:130:27:16

you know, "Oh, is he?

0:27:160:27:19

"Isn't he?"

0:27:190:27:20

Obviously I am.

0:27:200:27:22

I'm from a council estate.

0:27:220:27:25

I am actually from a council estate.

0:27:280:27:29

The kind of estate I am from... I know I am overdressed, by the way,

0:27:290:27:32

but I think if you can't hide this, decorate it.

0:27:320:27:35

I'm from the kind of place where Father's Day is

0:27:350:27:38

a very mysterious day.

0:27:380:27:40

Father's Day in my estate is like Halloween.

0:27:430:27:46

Kids have to go door to door.

0:27:460:27:49

"Hiya, Dad. Hiya, Dad. Hiya, Dad.

0:27:490:27:52

"Mam, who else was on your list?"

0:27:520:27:55

I still live at home, I should say that.

0:27:550:27:58

I mean, I've wanted to live alone for the last two years,

0:27:580:28:01

but my parents just won't leave.

0:28:010:28:03

No, I'm making progress. I got my dad back smoking but...

0:28:040:28:08

Oh, he knows the difference between a house and a home,

0:28:090:28:12

I can tell you that.

0:28:120:28:13

A home is where he is going once I get him out of the house!

0:28:130:28:17

I like it, because my mam's a modern woman.

0:28:180:28:21

She's on Facebook.

0:28:210:28:23

My mother's on Facebook now. She doesn't know how to use it.

0:28:230:28:26

All she does is share inspirational quotes and missing dogs.

0:28:260:28:30

Usually at the same time, you know?

0:28:300:28:32

Just a lost Jack Russell telling you to never give up.

0:28:320:28:36

But it's nice.

0:28:360:28:37

I've picked up all of her habits cos I've lived there for too long.

0:28:370:28:41

"Leave a light on so it looks like somebody's in."

0:28:410:28:43

Recently I was in, watching the TV, with all of the lights off,

0:28:430:28:47

and I caught myself thinking, "Sugar!

0:28:470:28:49

"I better put a light on so it looks like somebody's in."

0:28:490:28:52

I was in!

0:28:520:28:54

What was I going to do if I'd left them all off but somebody broke in?

0:28:540:28:58

"Freeze!" "Oh, don't mind me, I'm out.

0:28:580:29:01

"I've been out for years." I mean...

0:29:020:29:05

I've always been very dramatic, by the way. Always camp.

0:29:060:29:09

When I came out, my parents said, "Al, you need to come in."

0:29:090:29:12

Oh, no, I have.

0:29:120:29:14

Like, very, very dramatic, you know?

0:29:140:29:16

Like, for example, I recently auditioned for Bond,

0:29:160:29:19

but didn't get it because they said,

0:29:190:29:21

"No, you're kind of less 007 and more, 'Ooh, 7'! "

0:29:210:29:25

I did driving lessons with my dad and he said, "Grab the clutch."

0:29:270:29:30

I said, "I left it in the house."

0:29:300:29:33

You don't have to remind me to look in the mirror, I can tell you that.

0:29:330:29:36

"Check your rear view." "I have, it's fabulous."

0:29:360:29:39

Very over the top always.

0:29:390:29:41

Actually, Irish people have done a wonderful thing, right?

0:29:410:29:45

We've taken the English language and we've mangled it

0:29:450:29:49

and minimised it to the point of meaning literally nothing.

0:29:490:29:54

My mam describes my dad as "fond of an auld pint",

0:29:540:29:58

as opposed to "a raging alcoholic".

0:29:580:30:01

My sister is "harmless". Had you ever heard that?

0:30:030:30:05

"Harmless" is an Irish euphemism for being a proper eejit.

0:30:050:30:08

You see, you're very straightforward people in England.

0:30:080:30:11

You go, "Mike, you're an idiot. Mike, you're an idiot."

0:30:110:30:14

In Ireland, we're like, "Oh, John? Ah, John's harmless, yeah.

0:30:140:30:18

"John's an energy-saver bulb.

0:30:180:30:21

"He's dim, but we wouldn't change him, do you know what I mean?"

0:30:220:30:26

My mate Sarah Ward is "harmless".

0:30:270:30:29

Sarah Ward had two kids by the time we left school.

0:30:290:30:31

We all used call her Maternity Ward.

0:30:310:30:34

Oh, stop. There were six girls pregnant in my A-level class.

0:30:340:30:37

I was the only one that wasn't a suspect.

0:30:370:30:39

Sarah had these kids with a fella called Glen. You want to see him.

0:30:410:30:44

I'd rather get up on a Monday.

0:30:440:30:46

I remember looking at the kids and then looking at Glen,

0:30:460:30:49

and she goes to me, "Them kids look nothing like me.

0:30:490:30:51

"I bet you he was cheating."

0:30:510:30:53

My brother is described as "happy". Have you ever heard that?

0:30:550:30:58

"Happy" means you're unemployed.

0:30:580:31:00

"Oh, Alan? Alan's a comedian and, Niall, sure Niall's happy."

0:31:010:31:05

My uncle who makes a dodgy pass at me every Christmas,

0:31:050:31:08

"He's a character."

0:31:080:31:10

Even my nana never tells people that I don't like girls.

0:31:130:31:16

She won't tell them. She just goes, "Oh, Alan? He's for the Church."

0:31:160:31:20

I'm not political, chickens. I'm not.

0:31:240:31:26

Honestly, chicken, the closest I ever got to being political

0:31:260:31:29

was when I was eight and my nana knitted me a ski mask for winter,

0:31:290:31:34

but by the time she was finished it was just a balaclava.

0:31:340:31:39

But I wouldn't take it off. You know when a child loves a costume?

0:31:390:31:43

Have you ever seen a distraught mother in a supermarket

0:31:430:31:45

and you go, "What's wrong with that woman?"

0:31:450:31:47

And then you look and she's being followed by a three-foot Spider-Man.

0:31:470:31:51

That was my mother,

0:31:510:31:52

being followed around by a miniature paramilitary republican.

0:31:520:31:55

There's a photo buried in my attic

0:31:570:31:59

of me sitting on Santa's lap in Santa's grotto wearing a balaclava.

0:31:590:32:05

"What would you like for Christmas?"

0:32:050:32:08

-STRONG IRISH ACCENT:

-"A united Ireland, Santa.

0:32:080:32:11

"Am I on your naughty list? Cos you're on mine."

0:32:110:32:15

-NORMAL ACCENT:

-This is my favourite thing that the Irish have minimised.

0:32:150:32:19

In the 1970s, oh, yeah, did we have riots up north, did we?

0:32:190:32:24

Did we have riots, did we?

0:32:240:32:25

"Not at all. We had a bit of trouble."

0:32:250:32:29

You've been a lovely audience. I'm Al Porter, thank you and good night.

0:32:290:32:33

Al Porter, ladies and gentlemen!

0:32:330:32:36

Yay!

0:32:360:32:37

Mwah!

0:32:370:32:39

Amazing. What about that?

0:32:390:32:40

One more time, the fantastic Al Porter.

0:32:400:32:44

Sorry.

0:32:470:32:49

What is it?

0:32:490:32:50

Your...your mum?

0:32:500:32:52

Your mother is in the audience.

0:32:520:32:54

You want me to say hello to your mother?

0:32:540:32:56

I'm trying to make a TV show.

0:32:560:32:58

OK. Where is she sitting?

0:32:580:32:59

I'll say hello to her, that's fine. ..Sorry, it's very annoying.

0:32:590:33:02

It's one of the producers. Where is she? Over this way?

0:33:020:33:05

Where is she?

0:33:050:33:07

OK, fine, I'm doing it.

0:33:070:33:09

Keep walking? All right, just tell me when to stop.

0:33:090:33:12

This is quite boring.

0:33:120:33:14

There's no way that's your mother.

0:33:150:33:18

I hope not.

0:33:180:33:19

You?

0:33:190:33:21

Hello. Do you know anybody working on tonight's show?

0:33:210:33:23

-No.

-No?

0:33:230:33:25

Can you stand up for me? Sorry.

0:33:250:33:28

-Do you have children?

-Yes.

-What are their names?

0:33:290:33:32

-Rio and Zak.

-OK. How old are they?

0:33:320:33:34

-Ten and seven.

-OK.

0:33:340:33:37

Not here!

0:33:370:33:39

Really?

0:33:390:33:41

Oh. Where are they?

0:33:410:33:42

At home, I hope.

0:33:420:33:44

Rio and Zak?

0:33:440:33:46

Would this be Rio and Zak?

0:33:460:33:48

Oh, my God.

0:33:480:33:51

Uh... Yeah.

0:33:510:33:53

So, who's Rio and who's Zak?

0:33:540:33:56

-Rio's the older one.

-OK. And that's little Zak?

0:33:560:33:59

They're so cute.

0:33:590:34:01

They couldn't be working on the show...

0:34:010:34:03

-How did you get that?

-I know.

0:34:030:34:05

-And you are Sangeeta?

-Yes.

0:34:050:34:08

Great. OK, Sangeeta.

0:34:080:34:10

This is very bizarre.

0:34:100:34:12

What have the boys been doing today?

0:34:120:34:15

They were watching a football match.

0:34:150:34:17

OK.

0:34:170:34:18

Let's have a look, actually, of what your boys have been up to,

0:34:180:34:22

helping me on the show today.

0:34:220:34:25

So, Michael, we've got some new producers coming to help us out.

0:34:270:34:31

Right.

0:34:310:34:32

-I'm Zak.

-And I'm Rio.

-Nice to meet you. Welcome.

0:34:420:34:46

I'm Michael, and this is the Big Show team.

0:34:460:34:48

OK, let's crack on.

0:34:480:34:50

We've had a look at the scripts, and we have a few notes.

0:34:500:34:54

This is... This is funny.

0:35:010:35:02

-This is funny stuff, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Really good.

0:35:020:35:05

-Really strong.

-Funny.

-Really funny stuff.

0:35:050:35:08

Yeah. I think it'll work.

0:35:080:35:09

How about this? Knock-knock.

0:35:090:35:11

Who's there?

0:35:110:35:12

I'mma.

0:35:120:35:13

I'mma poo?

0:35:130:35:15

I'mma poo?

0:35:190:35:21

BOOMING VOICE: Good evening. NORMAL VOICE: No.

0:35:250:35:28

Come on, Michael.

0:35:280:35:29

Good evening!

0:35:290:35:31

-Ohh...

-I mean, how hard is it?

0:35:310:35:33

Why can't you just say it right? Try again.

0:35:330:35:36

Good evening!

0:35:360:35:38

Is it too late to change the host?

0:35:380:35:41

Michael, that's not how Mummy does it.

0:35:440:35:47

No...

0:35:470:35:48

No, no, no.

0:35:490:35:52

I'm not sure...

0:35:520:35:54

Yes.

0:35:540:35:56

Perfect.

0:35:590:36:00

Wow.

0:36:030:36:05

Mummy?

0:36:080:36:10

Yay!

0:36:100:36:12

Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.

0:36:180:36:22

Ladies and gentlemen, give a big hand to Rio and Zak,

0:36:240:36:27

the Big Show's little producers!

0:36:270:36:30

Come on, let's go and say hi to them.

0:36:350:36:37

There you go. There's Mum. And where's Dad? Come on out, Dad!

0:36:370:36:42

Dad never got to go to the football.

0:36:430:36:46

Brilliant. Boys, did you enjoy your day?

0:36:480:36:51

-Yeah.

-Was it fun?

-Yes.

0:36:510:36:53

Pretty awesome?

0:36:530:36:54

All right. Enjoy the rest of the show, which you produced.

0:36:540:36:57

I suppose, just between us, there was an incredibly awkward moment

0:36:570:37:00

when you put all that make-up on me.

0:37:000:37:02

Daddy made a move.

0:37:020:37:05

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Zak and Rio.

0:37:050:37:08

And Sangeeta!

0:37:080:37:11

Ladies and gentlemen, I am so excited to introduce my next guest.

0:37:170:37:21

He is a hugely talented, charming,

0:37:210:37:24

handsome man who has sold over 10 million records.

0:37:240:37:28

Please welcome Olly Murs!

0:37:280:37:30

CHEERING

0:37:300:37:33

# When I'm alone in the dark

0:37:370:37:39

# I paint a picture inside my mind

0:37:390:37:43

# Of all the things that I wanted

0:37:450:37:47

# But I never thought I would find

0:37:470:37:50

# And it blows my mind

0:37:510:37:55

# Because there you are

0:37:550:37:58

# By my side

0:37:580:38:01

# Maybe you know, maybe you don't

0:38:010:38:03

# But it's a question I have to ask

0:38:030:38:07

# I know we're young and we've got life

0:38:090:38:11

# But life always goes so fast

0:38:110:38:15

# But while you're mine

0:38:160:38:19

# Yeah, it feels like time's on our side

0:38:190:38:24

# Years and years, forever young

0:38:250:38:29

# Years and years, yet to come

0:38:290:38:32

# I take every second of every minute

0:38:320:38:35

# Long as you're in it, you know I'm winning

0:38:350:38:38

# Years and years we won't forget

0:38:400:38:44

# The time and place that we met

0:38:440:38:47

# And now I remember it all so clear

0:38:470:38:51

# You signed your name on my heart

0:38:510:38:54

# Saying you were here

0:38:540:38:56

# No, we're not at the end

0:38:560:38:58

# But we came close maybe once or twice

0:38:580:39:01

# We got burned but we learned not to listen to bad advice

0:39:030:39:09

# Now I know you're mine

0:39:100:39:13

# Cos it feels like time's on our side

0:39:140:39:19

# Years and years, forever young

0:39:200:39:24

# Years and years, yet to come

0:39:240:39:27

# I take every second of every minute

0:39:270:39:30

# As long as you're in it, you know I'm winning

0:39:300:39:33

# Years and years we won't forget

0:39:350:39:39

# The time and place that we met

0:39:390:39:43

# And I remember it all so clear

0:39:430:39:46

# You signed your name on my heart

0:39:460:39:49

# Saying you were here

0:39:490:39:51

# It doesn't matter where we go

0:39:510:39:55

# It's all I want, it's all I know

0:39:550:39:58

# This feeling's never, ever getting old

0:39:580:40:03

# It's all I know

0:40:040:40:07

# Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

0:40:070:40:10

# Know-oh-oh, oh-oh... # Come on!

0:40:100:40:13

CHEERING

0:40:130:40:15

# Years and years, forever young

0:40:150:40:19

# Years and years, yet to come

0:40:190:40:22

# I take every second of every minute

0:40:220:40:25

# As long as you're in it, I know I'm winning

0:40:250:40:28

# Years and years we won't forget

0:40:310:40:34

# The time and place that we met

0:40:340:40:38

# And I remember it all so clear

0:40:380:40:41

# You signed your name on my heart

0:40:420:40:44

# Saying you were here

0:40:440:40:46

# Years and years

0:40:460:40:48

# The night of our lives

0:40:480:40:50

# Years and years

0:40:500:40:52

# In the blink of an eye

0:40:520:40:54

# Years and years

0:40:540:40:57

# I know this love will last years and years. #

0:40:570:41:02

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:41:020:41:07

Olly Murs! Mursy!

0:41:110:41:14

-Amazing. Come on! Let's have this!

-Thank you.

0:41:170:41:20

What about that, ladies and gentlemen?

0:41:200:41:22

-What a legend Olly Murs is.

-Thank you very much.

0:41:220:41:24

CHEERING

0:41:240:41:26

SOMEONE SNEEZES

0:41:300:41:31

LAUGHTER

0:41:310:41:33

What happened? What...? What happened? What...?

0:41:330:41:36

Why are you laughing? What happened? Was it a sneeze or something?

0:41:360:41:40

Somebody sneezed?

0:41:400:41:41

"Achoo!" Sneezing's weird.

0:41:410:41:43

You know what the weirdest bodily function is in my opinion?

0:41:430:41:46

It's yawning. Yawning. I want you to take a moment,

0:41:460:41:48

I want you to take a moment just to think about how weird yawning is.

0:41:480:41:50

Think about it, cos it doesn't do anything for you.

0:41:500:41:53

When you're tired, you yawn, but do you get a boost?

0:41:530:41:55

It's not like you have a... It's not like an espresso.

0:41:550:41:58

Think about... Just think... Cos we're so busy being human,

0:41:580:42:00

you don't stop to think how weird it is that, every once in a while,

0:42:000:42:04

your face, for no apparent reason, goes like this...

0:42:040:42:07

"Aaaahhh.

0:42:070:42:08

"Aaaaaaahhhhhh."

0:42:090:42:11

And, if you try to suppress it, you look even weirder.

0:42:110:42:14

"Hnghn...

0:42:140:42:16

"Hgngnnnrrr..."

0:42:170:42:19

And how weird is this? It's contagious! How weird is that?!

0:42:200:42:24

What is that even about?

0:42:250:42:26

How can it be contagious that one person does this -

0:42:260:42:28

"Aaahhh" -

0:42:280:42:29

and another person just goes, "Aaahhh," back to them?

0:42:290:42:33

Right. Earlier tonight, champion swimmer Rebecca Adlington

0:42:360:42:39

agreed to hand over her phone and I sent a text message to her contacts.

0:42:390:42:44

The message, of course, was...

0:42:440:42:46

"Big kiss, little kiss."

0:42:580:43:00

So let's see how everyone in your phone has responded to this.

0:43:010:43:06

Ooh, "Emma Flange"? Is that a real person?

0:43:060:43:08

She goes, "Shut up??"

0:43:120:43:14

Then new line, "Shut up??"

0:43:140:43:16

Then another line, "Shut up??

0:43:160:43:20

"This is amazing news," on another line.

0:43:200:43:22

Then, on another line, "What the hell!!!!

0:43:220:43:25

"Oh, I'm so excited right now. 100% yes. Oh, my God!"

0:43:250:43:29

John Inverdale. Oh, he's not really playing.

0:43:310:43:34

"Was that meant for me?"

0:43:340:43:35

REBECCA LAUGHS

0:43:350:43:37

I'm just going to text him back, actually. "Yes, John...

0:43:370:43:40

"..I came to you first.

0:43:420:43:43

"I need an answer by tonight."

0:43:470:43:48

We'll send that out and see how that plays out.

0:43:510:43:54

OK, that's Inverdale.

0:43:540:43:55

Tim Kellaway. Who's that? Tim Kellaway?

0:43:550:43:58

-Yeah, a family friend.

-Family friend?

0:43:580:44:01

"I wouldn't bother, you're already loaded anyway."

0:44:010:44:04

Ooh! Mark Foster! He's gone with, "You'll sink and need a lifeguard.

0:44:080:44:14

"I'll come and supervise, Baywatch-style." There you go.

0:44:140:44:17

Ah! Sir Chris Hoy?! That's very exciting.

0:44:220:44:25

Oh, Chris Hoyas got an excellent sense of humour.

0:44:250:44:28

He's started it with, "I ain't saying he's a gold digger..."

0:44:280:44:32

Pretty good.

0:44:340:44:36

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

0:44:360:44:38

Yeah, but then he's onto it, you see?

0:44:400:44:44

"I'm guessing that's you, Michael M. Say hi..."

0:44:440:44:47

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:44:470:44:48

"Say hi to Becky."

0:44:480:44:50

On your bike!

0:44:500:44:51

Ooh! Dean Cain?

0:44:540:44:56

Sorry, Superman has texted you?

0:44:560:44:57

OK, he's texted, "Live-in?

0:45:000:45:03

"And you wear your medals?

0:45:030:45:05

"Oh, that sounds like some kinky stuff.

0:45:050:45:08

"Take the money and run."

0:45:120:45:14

OK, who did I text? Oh, no, Inverdale.

0:45:170:45:19

Oh, he hasn't got back.

0:45:190:45:21

Don't leave me hanging, Invo.

0:45:210:45:23

Got to text him again!

0:45:240:45:26

The bubbles have come up - he's thinking!

0:45:260:45:29

The bubbles. The bubbles! I've got bubbles!

0:45:290:45:32

But sometimes people do bubbles and then you wait

0:45:320:45:34

and then they decide not to text.

0:45:340:45:35

You're like, "What happened? Why did you bail out?!"

0:45:350:45:38

Come on, Invo. Oh, he's bailed out of the bubbles!

0:45:380:45:42

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:45:420:45:44

I saw your bubbles, I know you were thinking.

0:45:440:45:46

I saw your thinking bubbles.

0:45:510:45:53

I know you're there.

0:45:540:45:56

Oh, no, he's just come in.

0:45:580:45:59

"I would insist on all the sessions being in Mansfield.

0:45:590:46:03

"Good for the local economy!"

0:46:030:46:05

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:46:050:46:08

Oh, that was brilliant. Ladies and gentlemen,

0:46:080:46:10

please give a huge hand for the wonderful Rebecca Adlington!

0:46:100:46:13

Fabulous! Fabulous!

0:46:130:46:16

Oh...

0:46:200:46:21

Ladies and gentlemen, earlier tonight,

0:46:220:46:24

we gave Verity the biggest surprise of her life

0:46:240:46:27

when she became our Unexpected Star of the show.

0:46:270:46:30

She was next door, serving drinks at our fake art exhibition.

0:46:300:46:34

And now the time has nearly come for her to perform for us.

0:46:340:46:38

CHEERING

0:46:380:46:40

Let's have a little look at how the last hour has unfolded for Verity.

0:46:400:46:47

MUSIC: Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

0:46:470:46:49

So I thought I was working in an art gallery this evening,

0:46:490:46:51

and when he asked me to turn the picture around,

0:46:510:46:54

I didn't want to touch it because it had "£19,000" on the picture,

0:46:540:46:57

and then I couldn't get it straight.

0:46:570:46:58

Yeah, I wasn't happy about doing that!

0:46:580:47:00

SHE LAUGHS

0:47:000:47:01

The walls collapsed, and suddenly there's Michael McIntyre

0:47:010:47:04

and a huge audience in front of me.

0:47:040:47:05

Apparently, I'm the Unexpected Guest on the Michael McIntyre show.

0:47:050:47:09

I'm feeling all kinds of crazy. This is nuts.

0:47:090:47:11

We've got a little amount of time, so we're going to get you backstage,

0:47:140:47:17

meet the whole team, and rehearse.

0:47:170:47:19

Oh, God! I can't believe it's happening.

0:47:190:47:22

What's going on?

0:47:220:47:23

'Yeah, love the song, it's fantastic, and the band are amazing,

0:47:230:47:26

'and the dancers... Oh!'

0:47:260:47:28

I can't wait!

0:47:280:47:29

Nothing in my life is ever going to live up to this moment.

0:47:340:47:37

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:47:380:47:41

OK, ladies and gentlemen, the time has come.

0:47:410:47:45

Please give all your love for our Unexpected Star of tonight's show.

0:47:450:47:50

It's Verity!

0:47:500:47:52

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:47:520:47:54

MUSIC: Son Of A Preacher Man

0:48:000:48:04

# Billy Ray was a preacher's son

0:48:110:48:13

# And when his daddy would visit he'd come along

0:48:130:48:16

# When they gathered round and started talkin'

0:48:160:48:18

# That's when Billy would take me walkin'

0:48:180:48:21

# Through the back yard we'd go walkin'

0:48:210:48:24

# Then he'd look into my eyes

0:48:240:48:26

# Lord knows, to my surprise

0:48:260:48:29

# The only one who could ever reach me

0:48:290:48:31

# Was the son of a preacher man

0:48:310:48:34

# The only boy who could ever teach me

0:48:340:48:37

# Was the son of a preacher man

0:48:370:48:39

# Yes, he was, he was

0:48:390:48:42

# Ooh, yes, he was

0:48:420:48:45

# Bein' good isn't always easy

0:48:500:48:52

# No matter how hard I try

0:48:520:48:55

# When he started sweet-talkin' to me

0:48:550:48:58

# He'd come and tell me, "Everything is all right"

0:48:580:49:00

# He'd kiss and tell me, "Everything is all right"

0:49:000:49:03

# Can I get away again tonight?

0:49:030:49:05

# The only one who could ever reach me

0:49:050:49:08

# Was the son of a preacher man

0:49:080:49:10

# The only boy who could ever teach me

0:49:100:49:13

# Was the son of a preacher man

0:49:130:49:15

# Yes, he was, he was

0:49:150:49:18

# Oh, yes, he was Oh, yes, he was

0:49:180:49:24

# How well I remember

0:49:240:49:26

# The look that was in his eyes

0:49:260:49:29

# Stealin' kisses from me on the sly

0:49:290:49:32

# Takin' time to make time

0:49:320:49:34

# Tellin' me that he's all mine

0:49:340:49:36

# Learnin' from each other's knowin'

0:49:360:49:39

# Lookin' to see how much we've grown and

0:49:390:49:42

# The only one who could ever reach me

0:49:420:49:44

# Was the son of a preacher man

0:49:440:49:47

# The only boy who could ever teach me

0:49:470:49:50

# Was the son of a preacher man

0:49:500:49:52

# Yes, he was, he was

0:49:520:49:55

# Oh, yes! #

0:49:570:50:04

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:50:040:50:10

Yay!

0:50:100:50:12

It's Verity, ladies and gentlemen!

0:50:140:50:16

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:50:160:50:18

That was amazing. You belted that out! Go on, darlin'!

0:50:180:50:23

You gave it some!

0:50:230:50:25

That was amazing. How did that feel?

0:50:250:50:26

Oh, I feel AMAZING! Crazy.

0:50:260:50:27

-You've got a very powerful voice, Verity.

-Oh, thank you.

0:50:270:50:30

That was amazing. Wasn't that amazing, ladies and gentlemen?

0:50:300:50:33

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Thank you so much.

0:50:330:50:35

-That was incredible.

-Aw, look at your hubby-to-be, so proud.

-I know.

0:50:360:50:40

And your parents. You should be very proud. Absolutely sensational.

0:50:400:50:44

Thank you for coming. How have you enjoyed the whole experience?

0:50:440:50:46

Oh, it's just been the best day of my life, ever!

0:50:460:50:49

-Oh, you've handled so well. You're amazing.

-Thanks, thank you.

0:50:490:50:52

That's what it's all about.

0:50:520:50:54

Ladies and gentlemen, our Unexpected Star of the show.

0:50:540:50:57

It's Verity! Yay!

0:50:570:50:58

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:50:580:51:00

MUSIC: Son Of A Preacher Man

0:51:000:51:04

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much to my guests tonight.

0:51:060:51:10

The play is out with an all-time timeless classic,

0:51:100:51:14

it's Rick Astley!

0:51:140:51:16

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:51:160:51:19

# We're no strangers to love

0:51:230:51:27

-# You know the rules and...

-AUDIENCE:

-..so do I... #

0:51:270:51:31

Come on, then!

0:51:340:51:36

# We're no strangers to love

0:51:500:51:53

-# You know the rules and...

-AUDIENCE:

-..so do I

0:51:540:51:58

# A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

0:51:580:52:02

# You wouldn't get this from any other guy

0:52:020:52:06

# I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

0:52:060:52:10

# Gotta make you understand

0:52:120:52:14

# Never gonna give you up

0:52:140:52:16

# Never gonna let you down

0:52:160:52:19

# Never gonna run around and desert you

0:52:190:52:23

# Never gonna make you cry

0:52:230:52:25

# Never gonna say goodbye

0:52:250:52:27

# Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

0:52:270:52:32

# We've known each other for so long

0:52:320:52:35

# Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it

0:52:360:52:40

# Inside we both know what's been going on

0:52:400:52:45

# We know the game and we're gonna play it

0:52:450:52:49

# And if you ask me how I'm feeling

0:52:490:52:53

# Don't tell me you're too blind to see

0:52:530:52:57

# Never gonna give you up

0:52:570:52:59

# Never gonna let you down

0:52:590:53:01

# Never gonna run around and desert you

0:53:010:53:05

# Never gonna make you cry

0:53:050:53:07

# Never gonna say goodbye

0:53:070:53:10

# Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

0:53:100:53:13

# Never gonna give you up

0:53:130:53:16

# Never gonna let you down

0:53:160:53:18

# Never gonna run around and desert you

0:53:180:53:22

# Never gonna make you cry

0:53:220:53:24

# Never gonna say goodbye

0:53:240:53:27

# Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you... #

0:53:270:53:30

Sing them "oohs".

0:53:300:53:31

-# Ooh, give you up

-Yeah!

0:53:310:53:36

# Ooh, give you up

0:53:360:53:39

# Never gonna give, never gonna give

0:53:400:53:42

-# Give you up

-No, no

0:53:420:53:44

# Never gonna give, never gonna give

0:53:440:53:46

# Give you up

0:53:460:53:47

# We've known each other since 1987

0:53:480:53:53

# Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it

0:53:530:53:57

# Inside we both know what's been going on

0:53:570:54:01

# We know the game and we're gonna play it

0:54:010:54:06

# And if you ask me how I'm feeling

0:54:060:54:09

# Don't tell me you're too blind to see

0:54:100:54:13

# Never gonna give you up

0:54:130:54:15

# Never gonna let you down

0:54:150:54:17

# Never gonna run around and desert you

0:54:170:54:21

# Never gonna make you cry

0:54:210:54:24

# Never gonna say goodbye

0:54:240:54:26

# Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

0:54:260:54:30

# No, never gonna give you up

0:54:300:54:32

# I'm never gonna let you down

0:54:320:54:35

# Never gonna run around and desert you. #

0:54:350:54:39

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:54:390:54:42

If you know somebody you'd like to nominate

0:54:420:54:44

to be an Unexpected Star of the show for the next series...

0:54:440:54:47

..or in fact want to nominate someone for ANY surprise...

0:54:500:54:53

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

0:54:530:54:54

This is the most embarrassing thing!

0:54:540:54:56

..please go to...

0:54:560:54:58

..for all the details.

0:55:000:55:02

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