Episode 1 Michael McIntyre's Big Show


Episode 1

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Transcript


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Tonight on my Big Show...

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..Ed Balls hands over his mobile phone to play Send To All.

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There's music from Emeli Sande,

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and hilarious comedy from Joe Lycett.

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Introducing the Midnight Gameshow,

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and, who will be tonight's Unexpected Star of the show?

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Big Show!

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Please welcome your host, Michael McIntyre.

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CHEERING

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Yay!

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Hello! Hi!

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Hiya!

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Good evening! And welcome to a brand-new series of my Big Show!

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CHEERING

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Yay!

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So, over the next six weeks we will, of course, have big stars,

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big laughs,

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and big surprises!

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Send To All is back!

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We will also have the Unexpected Star of the show returning!

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CHEERING

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If that wasn't enough,

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I'll be introducing also to you the Midnight Gameshow!

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AUDIENCE: Oooh!

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So, how did you get here tonight?

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Who came by public transport? Public transport, people?

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CHEERING

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Oh, very good. Drivers? Drivers in the house?

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CHEERING

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I think British people are the best drivers in the world.

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Yes, give yourselves a round of applause.

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We can adjust to the different strengths of rain

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with our windscreen wipers like nobody else on Earth.

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There's one, that's the first level. One.

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Sort of like a quite constant, not too fast, that's the first.

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Little bit of light, light rain.

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Let's go for one. Then you can go up to two.

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Two is a little bit faster, it's not the maximum, you make the decision,

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you're like, it's got a little bit stronger,

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and I've decided to go to two.

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Then the maximum, huge rain.

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You can't even believe the rain.

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I'm going all the way, I'm going all the way.

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You can't even believe how hard they are working!

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Everywhere but there, just that little bit at the bottom,

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they can't reach that,

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the frustrating little triangle at the bottom.

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Work away. It's really raining, guys.

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But our favourite speed,

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and I think I speak for all of us when I say this,

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I believe to be the intermittent setting.

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There's something so fun about waiting as the rain builds on your

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windscreen, not knowing whether you have made the right decision.

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Should I go to one? Should I go to one?

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It's blurring, it's smudging, I'm losing vision.

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It's raining heavier. I'm going to hold on... Should I hold on?

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I'm going to hold on!

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Clear.

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Oh! The thrill!

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And the rebuild begins.

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But our favourite button in the car,

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and again I'll speak for all of us when I say this,

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is the hazard warning light.

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There's something very exciting about that little red triangle

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in the corner, when you push it, when you become a hazard.

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You think, "I'm a hazard!" You feel quite excited.

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"I must warn everybody that I'm a hazard now.

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"I've broken down." It starts flashing in the car,

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and then everything's working, all the indicators.

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"We're a hazard! Yes, I've done the right thing.

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"I've done the right thing."

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But we've interpreted the hazard in other times in our life.

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A fun one is on the motorway when you hit traffic.

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You're all going 80mph, then suddenly there's traffic,

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you have to slow down.

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"That was dangerous. I went from high-speed to nothing!"

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But your thought is no longer with yourself.

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Your thought is with everybody behind you.

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"I must warn them! I must warn them of the danger that lies ahead!

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"And I will use my hazard warning.

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"Can you see me? Can you see that you must slow down?"

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You're looking in your rear-view mirror...

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"Have you clocked me yet, my friend?"

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It's a lovely moment, they're like, "I see you!

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"I shall warn the one behind. I'm warning!"

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You even feel quite excited when you see it in the distance...

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"Oh! We're working as a team!

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"I'm coming, I'm coming!"

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Also to thank people, that's a big thank you, isn't it?

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That's the biggest thank you.

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Sometimes you acknowledge them with your hand,

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you flash if they're in front of you to thank them.

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Letting people in in traffic is a big part.

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Once you've decided to stop your life to let somebody in,

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you see them edging, they're edging, and you're like, "Shall I?"

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You contemplate it. "Shall I?

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"Yes, I will, to allow the free flow of traffic,

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"I will stop my life. Yes, you. You should come in.

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"You can go first.

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"Go on, off you go. Yes, I'm a very generous person.

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"Only one! Only one!"

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There's always some sneaky...

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There's a sneaky one, that goes, "Oh, I might tag in."

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"No, no, no, whoa! No tagging in, my friend.

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"I am generous to the tune of one vehicle."

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And they go, and you wait to be thanked.

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You're burning a hole in their head.

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"I stopped my life for this, I'm expecting some form of gratitude."

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Sometimes it never comes. "I can't believe that!

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"I regret my decision. I should never have let that rude person in."

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Sometimes you try to overtake them, just to look at them,

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"What is wrong with you?!

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"Rude person!"

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But the hazard thank you is the biggest thank you,

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when someone lets you in.

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You come in, they let you in,

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and you can feel them burning a hole in your head, waiting for gratitude.

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You're like, "You think I'm not grateful!

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"You think I'm not grateful!

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"But I am grateful!

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"Just a little delay as I located the red triangle!"

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You can't get more grateful than the hazard thank you.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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it is time to play Send To All!

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Yes, this is where I take a celebrity's mobile telephone

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and send a text of our choosing to all the contacts in it

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and we see what hilarious replies they get

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towards the end of the show.

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So, let's find out who is in our Send To All box this week.

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Ladies and gentlemen, we have a gentleman from the political realm.

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A gentleman that has been associated with politics,

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but now he has moved into the show business stratosphere.

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# Oppan Gangnam style... #

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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, it's Ed Balls, Ballsy!

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Yay!

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Ed Balls is here!

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Yay! How are you Ed Balls Ballsy?

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Where's your wife? Where's Yvette?

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Yvette is down at the conference in Brighton this weekend, so...

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-Oh, the Labour Party conference?

-Yes.

-What's that like?

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Personally, I'm very pleased to be here at the Michael McIntyre show.

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Yay!

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Me too! Me too!

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Now, your life has changed so much, now you're cool,

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because people in politics aren't so cool, you are cool.

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I heard that you went to Glastonbury this year, is that right?

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-I did, I did.

-Well, that's the epitome of cool.

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-How was it?

-I actually really enjoyed it.

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I saw the Jackson...Four, and they were really good.

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The Jackson Four?!

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Well...

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I've got a lot of recorded stuff to catch up on, I haven't heard.

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And you're a big fan of football as well?

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-Yes.

-Norwich, still affiliated?

-Norwich City, yeah.

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Championship football club, great history.

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And Delia, of course, is the chairman.

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-No, I'm the chairman.

-You're the chairman of the club?

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-I am the chairman of the football club.

-You go to every game?

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Every single game, home and away. I've supported it all my life.

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I was born there, so it's a dream come true.

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Ah! Thank you so, so much for being here.

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I haven't asked you who you're with?

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I am with Balshan, who's a very old friend of mine,

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we've worked together for years, and her husband Joe,

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-and big fans of yours, as of course I am.

-That is a very good tactic.

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So, if you would like to place your mobile telephone

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into our little cushion there.

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And of course, there's no prizes for guessing

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what music we may have selected.

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In fact, audience, we might as well have a mass Gangnam Style.

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Ed, could you just teach us briefly the fundamentals of Gangnam style?

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-So, first of all...

-Yes, up you get.

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Right, so the hands are slightly separated. Oh, and then up?

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CHEERING

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Off he goes. Wow!

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OK. Everybody on their feet, why not? Let's do this.

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If we're going to do it, do it properly. All right.

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All right, here we go.

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MUSIC: Gangnam Style by PSY

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# Gangnam Style

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# Gangnam Style

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# He-e-e-e-y

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# Sexy lady... #

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MUSIC STOPS

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CHEERING

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All right, ladies and gentlemen, I am now in possession of Ed Balls's

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mobile telephone. It is in my possession and I will treat it

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with the respect that the man deserves.

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There it is.

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This is good. Reuters, the Guardian, the FT. A good range. The Economist.

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-Good.

-Very good. NatWest bank.

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I won't go into your bank right now.

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Ocado, quite middle-class, shop on-the-fly.

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Oh, yes. There is a delivery. It's coming.

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You've got some savings there.

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Very good. More than you offered us when you were Shadow Chancellor.

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Charlie Bingham, chicken korma. Fine green beans.

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Yummy, yummy, yummy, Eddie.

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Two salmon skinless mid tail fillets. Don't mind if I do!

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That's the way. Cooking for one.

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I'll save the other one, freeze it for tomorrow, yeah?

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-You're a cook, aren't you? I can tell.

-Yeah,

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-and I do the Ocado shopping every week.

-Well, how brave.

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That's the most middle-class sentence I've ever heard.

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"I'm absolutely exhausted. I do the Ocado shop online every week."

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Do you mind, Ed, if I have a little look at your photos?

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Cos that's always a bit of fun.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

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OK, all right. There's a lot of eating going on here.

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A little bit of barbecuing.

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Oh, OK. Has your shirt split open?

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-Yeah, I should have edited these photos, really.

-Yeah, that's...

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I was on It Takes Two, and they said that you shouldn't wear a jacket.

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You should come in leisurewear. I've never worn smart casual before.

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I bought the shirt, which in retrospect was a mistake,

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because it turned out to be what's called tailored fit,

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which was totally bursting. I looked absolutely terrible and then

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the wardrobe person ran on with a pair of scissors and cut my shirt

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all the way up the back, and relaxed my front, which from behind

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was quite exposed.

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Most people call it "too small" but you've opted for "tailored fit".

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OK, well, I think... Whoa! OK.

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That is a... In fact, that is...

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..I... I...

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The audience are having so much fun

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-I might just sit on this for a while.

-On that one, you've got

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-to zone in a bit. Can you do that...

-Sure, I wouldn't mind that at all.

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I think that's exactly what the viewers want.

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In fact, I forgot we can zoom in.

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-I'm going to go back to the other one.

-No, no, no.

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Come on. We might as well have some fun.

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No, no, I'm kidding. You told me to zoom in.

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No, no, I had a spray tan but I only had the top half.

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-Oh, right, yes.

-And that is the line.

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That is good. And those tracksuit bottoms are..

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..shall we say...

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..shall we say, "tailored fit"?

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All right, well, thank you so much, Ed.

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Please don't panic.

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So the text I'm going to send in Ed Balls's phone is as follows.

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"Just had new

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"hot tub delivered.

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"Yvette's at the party conference..."

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LAUGHTER No, no, no, don't go there.

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It's not there. Trust me, you'll like it.

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"So I'm having

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"a party

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"of my own.

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"Anton du Beke

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"is here.

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"Delia is doing canapes.

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"And Stormzy is coming."

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In brackets - this is fun, you'll like this.

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"Met him at Glasto!"

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"Top guy."

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"Grab your swimsuit and get down here...

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"..Gangnam style."

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Hold on, I've spelt Stormzy wrong. Stormzy's coming, yeah?

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-All right. How would you sign a text?

-I think I would say...

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"Best, Ed."

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That's not a code?

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You haven't said, "If I ever text you

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" 'Best, Ed,' send in MI5"?

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"Just had a new hot tub delivered. Yvette's at the party conference

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"so I'm having a party of my own. Anton do Beck is here.

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"Delia is doing canapes and Stormzy's coming.

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"Met him at Glasto. Top guy.

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"Grab your swimsuit and get down here, Gangnam style. Best, Ed."

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That has...

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It's party time at Ballsy's house!

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Woohoo!

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And, of course, we'll be finding out what hilarious replies Ed gets later

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in the show. Ed Balls, Ballsy!

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OK, thank you, thank you.

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I am now absolutely delighted to introduce an incredibly phenomenally

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talented singer and the winner indeed of this year's Brit Award

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for the Best Female Solo Artist.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

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It is of course the wonderful Emeli Sande.

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# Yeah-eah-eah

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# Mm-hm-hm

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# You are my starlight

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# Your shine can brighten up the darkest night

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# I'll follow you until the daylight

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# Cos when you're close I know it's all right

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# All right, all right, all right

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# See, baby, you got it

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# I got it, I got it, I got it, we got it

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# No, baby, no, baby, no, baby, don't stop it

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# We're taking off and the higher we go

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# The harder I fall

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# In love, in love

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# I feel like I just found the one, the one

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# Baby, now look what you done, you done

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# You've lit up my life with your love, your love

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# I'm in love

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# I'm in love

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# You are my sunshine

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# Broke through the clouds and now I kissed the sky

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# Feels like I'm dreaming with open eyes

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# Long as I'm with you I know I'm all right, all right, all right

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# See, baby, you got it

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# And I got it, I got it, I got it, we got it

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# So no, baby, no, baby, no, baby, don't stop it

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# We're taking off and the higher we go

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# The harder I fall in love, in love

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# I feel like I just found the one, the one

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# Baby, now look what you done, you done

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# You've lit up my life with your love, your love

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# I'm in love

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# I'm in love

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# You are my starlight

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# Starlight, starlight

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# Starlight

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# Starlight, starlight

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# Starlight

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# Starlight, starlight

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# Starlight, starlight

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# In love, in love

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# I feel like I just found the one, the one

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# Baby, now look what you done, you done

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# You've lit up my life with your love, your love

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# Your lo-o-o-o-ve

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# I'm in love

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# I'm in love. #

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CHEERING

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Whoo! You're feeling it now!

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That was amazing. That was so clubby.

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Thank you so much for being on here. You're an absolute sensation.

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-One more time for the fantastic, fabulous... What a voice!

-Thank you.

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What a voice! Emeli Sande!

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Ballsy, were you up there, mate?

0:18:510:18:54

You can't just Gangnam, man. You've got to throw in some new moves.

0:18:540:18:58

Oh, he's up. Yeah!

0:18:580:19:00

CHEERING

0:19:000:19:02

If you're more comfortable, I can cut the back of your shirt.

0:19:040:19:07

Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to find out who is going to be

0:19:090:19:12

tonight's Unexpected Star of the show.

0:19:120:19:16

So let's meet tonight's Unexpected Star of this show.

0:19:190:19:23

So there she is.

0:19:230:19:25

It's Stella. She's a cattery owner from Dorset.

0:19:250:19:28

Stella is coming to our secret location,

0:19:280:19:31

which is adjacent to the theatre.

0:19:310:19:32

She thinks she's coming here with her daughter Shakira, to a cat cafe.

0:19:320:19:38

It's basically a cafe full of cats.

0:19:380:19:41

Let me show you what the room looked like earlier today.

0:19:410:19:43

This is actually right next to the theatre

0:19:430:19:46

and this is what it looks like now.

0:19:460:19:47

Cat's Show Business.

0:19:470:19:49

Everybody else in that cafe are actors, including the cats.

0:19:510:19:56

Everybody is in on this except for Stella,

0:19:560:19:59

because the real reason that Stella is here is because it's always been

0:19:590:20:02

her dream to perform on a West End stage,

0:20:020:20:05

but instead she devoted her life to motherhood and cats.

0:20:050:20:09

Unfortunately, not the musical!

0:20:090:20:12

I'm going to now go live to next door.

0:20:120:20:15

This is our cat cafe.

0:20:150:20:17

Now, there is Stella. She's there with her daughter Shakira.

0:20:170:20:20

So let me tell you all that's going happen.

0:20:200:20:23

So there's some photographs on the wall in the cafe, in the cat cafe,

0:20:230:20:26

where people have dressed up as cats,

0:20:260:20:29

with accessories and props and stuff,

0:20:290:20:31

so she's going to be asked to be taken around to this photo booth.

0:20:310:20:35

Now, this photo booth is actually going to be on this stage,

0:20:350:20:39

so she's going to be taken round

0:20:390:20:41

through a corridor where the props are,

0:20:410:20:43

come into a photo booth. She's going to sit down. In front of her

0:20:430:20:47

will be the camera and it's going to go, "Three, two, one."

0:20:470:20:52

She will obviously then be, I presume, smiling and then the wall

0:20:520:20:56

in front of her will collapse

0:20:560:20:58

and she will be here with us on this stage. Are you up for that?

0:20:580:21:03

CHEERING

0:21:030:21:07

I'm going to go into the audience and meet her family. We have Stuart and Heather, her mum and dad.

0:21:070:21:11

You down here? Ladies and gentlemen, Stella's parents.

0:21:110:21:15

Where are you?

0:21:150:21:17

Stuart, Heather.

0:21:170:21:19

-Hello, Stuart. Welcome.

-Oh, thank you very much.

0:21:190:21:22

-So that is Stella there.

-Yes.

-In her cat cafe.

0:21:220:21:24

-Yes.

-So she loves cats?

0:21:240:21:26

Oh, she loves cats. She's always liked animals, yes.

0:21:260:21:28

And why does she think here tonight?

0:21:280:21:31

She's on a lovely relaxing weekend with her daughter.

0:21:310:21:35

All right. Well, it's about to get a little bit more intense,

0:21:350:21:38

-this relaxing weekend.

-I think so, yes.

0:21:380:21:40

Tell me about Stella and her singing.

0:21:400:21:42

Well, she's always been interested in music and she's been singing from

0:21:420:21:45

the earliest days, you know, from when she was very, very tiny.

0:21:450:21:48

Would she have performed for an audience like this ever?

0:21:480:21:50

Nothing of this scale, certainly not, no.

0:21:500:21:52

And how do you think she'll react to tonight's surprise?

0:21:520:21:55

I really haven't got a clue.

0:21:550:21:58

Thank you so, so much, Stuart, for nominating her.

0:21:580:22:00

Let's hope it's worked out. Ladies and gentlemen,

0:22:000:22:02

thank you very much to Stuart and Heather. It's Stella's parents.

0:22:020:22:06

So, what's going to happen now is we are going to have a little bit

0:22:120:22:16

of fun in that room and we'll see how much fun we can have,

0:22:160:22:19

so that she doesn't twig or, indeed, we don't let the cat out of the bag!

0:22:190:22:26

Two people in there have earpieces hidden and I can actually

0:22:260:22:30

communicate with them from this stage.

0:22:300:22:32

Sean - who is just clearing up that table - Sean, if you can hear me,

0:22:320:22:36

can you sniff your armpit and then say, meow?

0:22:360:22:40

Meow.

0:22:420:22:43

Look at Stella! Ooh!

0:22:460:22:48

If she's disturbed by that, wait till you see what we've got lined up!

0:22:520:22:57

OK, now, that's Jilly, that's lovely lady there.

0:22:570:22:59

Jilly, if you can hear me,

0:22:590:23:00

can you pick up that saucer of milk in front of you,

0:23:000:23:03

and lap it up like a cat?

0:23:030:23:05

SHE SLURPS

0:23:060:23:08

That's better.

0:23:140:23:16

OK, Sean. In your own time, can I ask you to tell the room about

0:23:190:23:22

your new vegetarian gourmet cat food?

0:23:220:23:25

And go around the room, asking them if anybody wants to try it.

0:23:250:23:29

Ladies and gentlemen, it obviously isn't a real cat food.

0:23:290:23:32

Just to let you know, we've launched a new vegetarian gourmet cat food,

0:23:320:23:37

so I'm just going to offer you a few samples as I go round the room.

0:23:370:23:41

By all means, help yourself.

0:23:410:23:42

It's great. It really is really good.

0:23:440:23:46

-It's all right.

-Are you sure?

0:23:460:23:48

-Any takers?

-Oh, yes.

0:23:500:23:52

-Say, "Yes, please."

-Yes, please.

-"I'd love some."

-I'd love some.

0:23:520:23:56

Massive bite of that. Take a massive bite.

0:23:560:23:59

-Oh. Yum, yum.

-Yum, yum!

0:24:010:24:03

-Say, "I love cat food."

-I love cat food.

0:24:030:24:06

Thank you.

0:24:060:24:08

-Ask her how many cats has she got.

-How many cats have you got at home?

0:24:080:24:11

-Jilly, say, "I've got seven cats."

-I've got seven cats.

0:24:110:24:14

I love my cats but sometimes I've just got to get away from them.

0:24:140:24:17

I love my cats, but sometimes I've got to get away from them.

0:24:170:24:20

They've been arguing with each other over Brexit.

0:24:200:24:23

They've been arguing with each other over Brexit.

0:24:230:24:27

-Three are remain.

-Three are remain.

-Three are leave.

-Three are leave.

0:24:290:24:33

-And one is on the fence.

-And one's on the fence.

0:24:330:24:36

OK, now offer it to Stella's daughter Shakira.

0:24:410:24:44

-Oh, that's lovely.

-Would you like to try some as well?

0:24:440:24:46

That's the best cat food I've ever tasted.

0:24:460:24:48

Best cat food I've ever tasted.

0:24:480:24:51

Now offer it to Stella.

0:24:510:24:53

-And for you, would you like to try some?

-No, I'm fine, thank you.

0:24:530:24:56

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, yeah.

0:24:560:24:59

-It's really good.

-Say, "It's purr-fect!"

0:24:590:25:02

It's purr-fect.

0:25:020:25:04

She's going to go for it. She's going for it, she's going for it.

0:25:040:25:07

She's going for it. Oh, my God,

0:25:070:25:08

she's going to eat the cat food on television.

0:25:080:25:11

This is... Oh, my God!, she's just eaten the cat food!

0:25:110:25:14

She actually likes it. She likes the cat food! Oh, my God!

0:25:160:25:20

OK.

0:25:200:25:23

OK, all the actors, just carry on completely as normal now.

0:25:230:25:26

Just relax. So here is the fake room that Stella will be arriving in and

0:25:260:25:30

within it is our photo booth

0:25:300:25:32

so I am going to go round and have a look at it. OK, wait there,

0:25:320:25:36

I'm going to go and have a look at it and show you around.

0:25:360:25:39

You'll see it up on that screen. I'm going round.

0:25:390:25:41

All right. So here we go. Can you see me?

0:25:410:25:44

CHEERING

0:25:440:25:46

So here is...

0:25:460:25:48

..here's the photo booth.

0:25:480:25:50

Ah, right. It's called Kitty Cam.

0:25:500:25:53

You see, here is the camera, so hopefully, the plan is,

0:25:530:25:57

she'll be left in here and then three, two, one and then...

0:25:570:26:01

She will have no idea she is sitting in the middle of this theatre with

0:26:010:26:06

all of us. All right, let's do this.

0:26:060:26:08

OK, I think we're ready to bring her out.

0:26:180:26:22

-I'm going to come back for that.

-OK.

0:26:250:26:27

Ladies, do you want to come with me? I'll take you around to Kitty Cam.

0:26:270:26:30

See you guys in a second.

0:26:300:26:31

Lock the door for the cat's safety.

0:26:310:26:35

They're on their way, they're on their way.

0:26:350:26:37

Completely quiet.

0:26:370:26:40

OK, we've got some props ready.

0:26:400:26:44

Grab yourself something. Get yourself a little hat on.

0:26:440:26:48

Dress her up. Fantastic.

0:26:480:26:51

Yeah, go for that. Perfect. You're ready. Come, follow me, Stella.

0:26:510:26:54

This way.

0:26:540:26:55

This is Kitty Cam.

0:26:580:27:00

Come on in. Just grab a seat there.

0:27:000:27:04

-OK, this is the camera here. So look into the camera.

-Yeah.

0:27:040:27:07

Follow the instructions. Get the poses ready.

0:27:070:27:10

-I'll be back for you. Ready?

-Yeah.

-Off you go.

0:27:100:27:14

Welcome to Kitty Kam. Strike a pose.

0:27:150:27:20

Your perfect photo in three, two, one.

0:27:200:27:25

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:270:27:29

Ladies and gentlemen...

0:27:390:27:41

..it's Stella!

0:27:410:27:44

How are you feeling, Stella?

0:27:540:27:55

I'm going to kill my daughter!

0:27:570:27:59

Well, there's plenty of people over here you might also want to kill.

0:27:590:28:03

There's the hit list.

0:28:030:28:05

It's your dad, your mum and your friends over there and, of course,

0:28:050:28:10

our audience, who have been watching and waiting for you next door.

0:28:100:28:15

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage

0:28:150:28:18

our Unexpected Star of tonight's show, it's Stella!

0:28:180:28:22

CHEERING

0:28:220:28:25

Oh, golly.

0:28:250:28:28

I think you can see up there, this is your little cat cafe,

0:28:280:28:32

they're they are, Stella.

0:28:320:28:34

Oh, and Jilly's even still eating the cat food.

0:28:340:28:37

-She genuinely loves it.

-I ate the cat food as well.

0:28:370:28:40

-Sorry, what was that?

-I ate the cat food as well.

-You what?

0:28:400:28:43

You ate the cat food? I can assure you, Stella, that WILL be on TV.

0:28:430:28:46

-Oh, my God!

-Of course, that wasn't real cat food!

0:28:460:28:50

It was dog food!

0:28:500:28:52

So, Stella, how you feeling right now?

0:28:550:28:58

I'm a bit surreal.

0:28:580:29:00

-It feels very surreal.

-It is very surreal.

0:29:000:29:02

-You know the show, you've seen this show?

-I have.

-Yeah.

0:29:020:29:06

-And now you're on it.

-I know!

0:29:060:29:09

So you didn't suspect - look at those people up there.

0:29:090:29:12

As well as cats, which I know that you love,

0:29:120:29:15

what else do like doing, Stella?

0:29:150:29:17

-I like singing.

-You enjoy singing.

0:29:170:29:19

-Yes.

-Well, as you've seen the show,

0:29:190:29:21

you will be the star of this show.

0:29:210:29:24

You'll be closing this show tonight, if you are up for it.

0:29:240:29:27

Of course, we have 2,000 incredibly supportive people,

0:29:270:29:32

do we not? CHEERING

0:29:320:29:34

If you need more energy, I've got a little snack to keep you going.

0:29:360:29:41

That's for you, Stella.

0:29:430:29:45

Will you be our Unexpected Star of tonight's show?

0:29:450:29:50

-Yes.

-She's up for it!

0:29:500:29:53

Ladies and gentlemen,

0:29:530:29:55

how very exciting. You were absolutely wonderful.

0:29:550:29:57

You were brilliant. Thank you so much. It's Stella,

0:29:570:30:00

our Unexpected Star of the show.

0:30:000:30:02

Thank you, Stella.

0:30:020:30:03

Oh, yes!

0:30:060:30:07

Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to play the Midnight Gameshow.

0:30:090:30:14

This is no ordinary gameshow, ladies and gentlemen.

0:30:190:30:22

The contestants in the Midnight Gameshow had no idea

0:30:220:30:24

they would be taking part.

0:30:240:30:26

They went to sleep safe and sound, tucked up in their beds,

0:30:260:30:29

only to be woken up in the dead of night by me and the camera crew

0:30:290:30:34

to answer a series of questions

0:30:340:30:36

while semiconscious in the Midnight Gameshow.

0:30:360:30:40

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

0:30:400:30:41

this is the only gameshow where if you snooze...

0:30:410:30:45

-AUDIENCE:

-You lose!

0:30:450:30:47

Tonight's contestant is Dean Buckmaster.

0:30:470:30:51

That's already funny, let's be honest!

0:30:510:30:54

Dean Buckmaster is a 42-year-old plumber and he was set up

0:30:540:30:59

by his wife Zoe - and Dean and Zoe are here. Where are you, Deano?

0:30:590:31:04

Hi! Yay!

0:31:040:31:06

Hi, Dean. Hi, Zoe. Dean and Zoe, everyone. Dean and Zoe.

0:31:060:31:13

So, what happened here is you were set up by Zoe.

0:31:130:31:17

-Yeah.

-Right? So, Zoe, you basically gave us the keys to your home...

0:31:170:31:22

-Yeah.

-..to break in in the night. Why would you do such a thing?

0:31:220:31:26

-Why did you set up Dean?

-He's so laid-back and he's got

0:31:260:31:29

a really great sense of humour and I thought it would be really funny.

0:31:290:31:32

OK. And I understand also that the room wasn't quite big enough for our

0:31:320:31:36

cameras or something and you removed furniture in preparation,

0:31:360:31:40

-and did Dean notice?

-No.

0:31:400:31:42

Dean, what do you remember of that night before the event?

0:31:440:31:49

Well, I thought it strange, her straightening her hair before bed.

0:31:490:31:52

Right. And I should just say, before we watch this as well,

0:31:520:31:56

that you have the creakiest staircase in the world,

0:31:560:32:00

which did not make this easy for us.

0:32:000:32:03

Ladies and gentlemen, let's enjoy Dean's Midnight Gameshow.

0:32:030:32:08

STAIRS CREAK

0:32:380:32:39

LAUGHTER

0:32:420:32:44

CREAKING CONTINUES

0:32:580:33:02

Dean!

0:33:130:33:15

Welcome to the Midnight Gameshow!

0:33:180:33:23

What is this?

0:33:230:33:26

Dean, I have to say, the bedside clock is ticking,

0:33:260:33:30

so we need to crack on as quickly as we can.

0:33:300:33:33

Hi, Zoe. You have Zoe to thank for this.

0:33:330:33:36

OK, so, Dean, let's kick you off with,

0:33:360:33:40

please can you name three fairground attractions?

0:33:400:33:44

-Question number one.

-Roller coaster.

0:33:440:33:47

Very good. Cracking, well done, Dean.

0:33:470:33:50

We're off with the roller coaster. We need two more, Deano.

0:33:500:33:52

-Bumper cars.

-Brilliant.

0:33:520:33:54

One more.

0:33:540:33:56

Bumper cars, roller coaster.

0:33:570:34:01

-The waltzer.

-Correct.

0:34:010:34:04

Well done, Deano.

0:34:040:34:05

Now, from the Abba musical Mamma Mia, Deano,

0:34:050:34:11

please can you complete this lyric.

0:34:110:34:14

# You can dance

0:34:140:34:17

# You can jive

0:34:170:34:18

# Having the time of your life

0:34:180:34:22

# Ooh-oooh

0:34:220:34:23

# See that girl

0:34:230:34:25

# Watch that scene

0:34:250:34:26

# Diggin' the...

0:34:260:34:28

# Dancing queen. #

0:34:280:34:29

Brilliant! Well done.

0:34:290:34:32

Congratulations. OK, can I now ask you who is this?

0:34:320:34:39

That's Laa-Laa.

0:34:460:34:48

Correct answer.

0:34:480:34:49

Can I ask you now,

0:34:520:34:54

how would Laa-Laa say hello?

0:34:540:34:58

-Eh-oh!

-You are absolutely on fire. You got them all right.

0:34:580:35:03

Thank you, Laa-Laa. Thank you.

0:35:030:35:06

Bye-bye!

0:35:060:35:08

Now, if I could welcome Bill.

0:35:110:35:14

Bill Oddie.

0:35:140:35:15

Hi, Bill. Bill of course can impersonate birds and Bill's

0:35:190:35:24

going to give you an example of that.

0:35:240:35:26

BILL WHISTLES

0:35:260:35:29

Which bird is that?

0:35:320:35:33

-Curlew.

-Of course it is.

0:35:330:35:36

-Everybody knows that.

-It's very late.

0:35:360:35:38

Now, I'm just going to give you a few birds and all Bill has to do

0:35:380:35:42

here is just identify them, so let's kick off with the top one.

0:35:420:35:46

HE CLUCKS

0:35:460:35:49

That's very good. Assuming it is a chicken.

0:35:500:35:53

It is a chicken. Congratulations. Let's move on.

0:35:530:35:56

-"My toe hurts, Betty. My toe hurts, Betty."

-"My toe hurts, Betty".

0:35:580:36:03

This is a bird?

0:36:030:36:05

HE COOS That's very good.

0:36:050:36:08

-Oh, that's a dove. A dove pigeon?

-Yes, congratulations.

0:36:080:36:12

We're nearly there. And we'll end on...

0:36:120:36:15

-HE MIMICS CLOCK TICKING

-Cuckoo!

0:36:150:36:18

LAUGHTER

0:36:180:36:20

Cuckoo clock. I've answered it.

0:36:200:36:23

Stop the bedside clock and goodnight!

0:36:230:36:26

What time is it?

0:36:420:36:43

-Did it surprise you?

-Flippin' did it?

0:36:430:36:46

I've got all hot and sweaty.

0:36:460:36:49

I can't believe you said, "My toe hurts! My toe hurts!"

0:36:560:36:59

-Oh, dear.

-I don't even know the time.

0:37:030:37:06

Someone's nicked my phone.

0:37:060:37:08

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:37:100:37:12

It's 3.09. I thought it was time to get up.

0:37:130:37:18

So what went through your mind at that moment?

0:37:260:37:29

I thought, one, "Who are all these people?"

0:37:290:37:32

And then you popped in, I thought, "Oh, I recognise you."

0:37:320:37:35

"My toe hurts, Betty."

0:37:350:37:37

-We need to talk about that.

-It's the sound that a pigeon makes if you

0:37:370:37:40

listen closely, listen closely.

0:37:400:37:43

Bill Oddie was unaware of it.

0:37:430:37:47

Well, congratulations. I can reveal to you, Dean,

0:37:470:37:51

that you got every question right. What about that?!

0:37:510:37:56

Which means that you do win

0:37:560:37:59

our iconic golden Midnight Gameshow

0:37:590:38:04

Do Not Disturb sign, ladies and gentlemen. Treasure this.

0:38:040:38:07

-I will.

-You're one of the few people to own such a thing and, of course,

0:38:070:38:11

I've got Laa-Laa here for you

0:38:110:38:14

to remember the occasion and I have also a cuckoo clock

0:38:140:38:18

with Bill Oddie's face on it. There you go.

0:38:180:38:22

Ladies and gentlemen, star of our Midnight Gameshow tonight,

0:38:220:38:26

it's Dean! And thank you to Zoe, too. Thank you, guys. Amazing!

0:38:260:38:30

Well done, Deano.

0:38:300:38:32

Up next, ladies and gentlemen is a phenomenally brilliant and hilarious

0:38:360:38:39

comedian. Please welcome the fantastic Mr Joe Lycett!

0:38:390:38:43

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:38:430:38:46

Oh, lovely!

0:38:480:38:50

Hello. Hi, everyone. What a lovely introduction.

0:38:500:38:55

I'm from Birmingham. Anyone from Birmingham in?

0:38:550:38:58

-WHOOPING

-Hello. I don't have the accent, cos I was born better.

0:38:580:39:01

Yes, I live with my mum and dad in quite a posh area of Birmingham.

0:39:030:39:06

We have a Waitrose.

0:39:060:39:08

You get the idea. I was outside the Waitrose the other day.

0:39:080:39:10

I saw a squirrel eating a croissant.

0:39:100:39:14

It's a bit much for me. We've got an Aldi now, as well.

0:39:140:39:17

That's caused upset in the local area, but I love it,

0:39:170:39:19

cos I like a place where you can buy a pint of milk and a wheelbarrow wheel in the same shop.

0:39:190:39:24

But I'm moving out. I've just bought a house - not in London,

0:39:250:39:28

cos I'm not a Russian oligarch, I've bought one in Birmingham.

0:39:280:39:31

People in London, they don't understand what it's like to live in Birmingham. Friends of mine

0:39:310:39:35

in London say, "What's it's like living in Birmingham?"

0:39:350:39:37

"Oh, the poverty. You wouldn't believe. I have to walk five miles

0:39:370:39:40

"to the nearest vegan restaurant. It's unbelievable."

0:39:400:39:44

These friends of mine, they've just bought a house in London in Lewisham.

0:39:440:39:47

If you don't know London, it's sort of quite south.

0:39:470:39:49

I like Lewisham, but it's not Central London.

0:39:490:39:51

£640,000 for a two-bed house they paid.

0:39:510:39:54

They were like, "Joe, move to London."

0:39:540:39:56

I said, "Let me just say what I'd get in Birmingham for £640,000."

0:39:560:39:59

Put it into Rightmove. The first thing that came up was a church!

0:39:590:40:04

For the same amount of money, you bought a two-bed.

0:40:040:40:06

So I bought a four-bed in an up-and-coming area of Birmingham,

0:40:060:40:09

whether it will up or come, I'm not sure.

0:40:090:40:11

£280,000. So a lot cheaper but it needs a lot of work doing to it.

0:40:110:40:14

It's a dump, basically, and my dad has taken over as project manager

0:40:140:40:17

and he's become an absolute cliche of a father.

0:40:170:40:20

Like, he'll go up to things like this,

0:40:200:40:22

he'll go up to just anything in the house and I see him go...

0:40:220:40:26

"Yeah." Won't tell me what's happened!

0:40:260:40:28

What were you doing? I don't understand.

0:40:290:40:32

There's an official reason why he's the project manager,

0:40:320:40:34

which is that I'm too busy. I'm too busy to do the works myself,

0:40:340:40:37

coordinate the works. The real reason is, I can't speak to tradesmen. Look at my nails.

0:40:370:40:42

I tried to speak to the electrician over WhatsApp.

0:40:420:40:44

He doesn't like an emoji.

0:40:440:40:47

So, yes, I was interested about the buying a house thing in London,

0:40:470:40:51

cos a friend of mine was trying to buy here.

0:40:510:40:53

He found somewhere on Gumtree. He was looking on Gumtree.

0:40:530:40:55

Did a bit of e-mailing back and forth with this girl on Gumtree,

0:40:550:40:59

realised pretty quickly that this was a scam so he sent all the e-mails he'd done already over to me

0:40:590:41:03

and just put in the subject line, "Do your absolute worst."

0:41:030:41:07

So the girl who was trying to advertise this property,

0:41:070:41:10

her name was Gemma, so I just started a fresh e-mail. I wrote,

0:41:100:41:12

"Hello, Gemma. I'm contacting you regarding the apartment listed on Gumtree. I'm interested in a viewing

0:41:120:41:16

"and wanted to arrange. Regards, Joe Lycett."

0:41:160:41:19

This is the reply that I got.

0:41:190:41:20

"Hello, Mr Joe.

0:41:200:41:23

"The flat is situation in the London Borough of Islington,

0:41:230:41:26

"a beautiful area with park and facilities."

0:41:260:41:28

I had a look on Google Maps for the nearest facilities.

0:41:280:41:30

They are Pentonville prison.

0:41:300:41:34

"In order to do the viewing,

0:41:340:41:35

"I would need to come to you from my residence in Stockholm.

0:41:350:41:38

"This is obviously very expensive for me, so I need assurance

0:41:380:41:40

"that you are interested and have available funding.

0:41:400:41:43

"I need you to pay a deposit of 220 US dollar,

0:41:430:41:46

"which you will have returned to you immediately on viewing.

0:41:460:41:48

"This is to be arranged by my trusted partner money2india.eu."

0:41:480:41:53

Seems legit!

0:41:530:41:55

"I would also need your current address to send documentation to.

0:41:550:41:58

"Please contact me to arrange. Thanks, Gemma." So I thought,

0:41:580:42:00

"I'll just start off with just a slightly weird reply." I replied,

0:42:000:42:03

"Hi, Gemma. Thanks for your speedy reply.

0:42:030:42:06

"What a coincidence that you are in Stockholm.

0:42:060:42:08

"I am on holiday there right now."

0:42:080:42:10

I wasn't, of course, - I was in my garden in Birmingham,

0:42:100:42:13

having a glass of Prosecco.

0:42:130:42:14

"Let's meet and discuss and arrange the viewing.

0:42:140:42:17

"My current address is 118 New Oxford St, London, WC1A 1HL.

0:42:170:42:20

That is the address of a Dorothy Perkins.

0:42:200:42:23

"Regards, Joe Lycett." She replied,

0:42:230:42:25

"Mr Joe, I am not currently in Stockholm, actually,

0:42:250:42:28

"but I'm on business for the next three weeks in Berlin.

0:42:280:42:30

"The best way to secure viewing is to pay the deposit using money2india.eu - thank you, Gemma."

0:42:300:42:34

So I thought, I'll just turn the weirdness up ever so slightly more.

0:42:340:42:37

"Guten Tag, Frau Gemma. That is so crazy!

0:42:370:42:42

"I just booked a holiday to Berlin next week.

0:42:420:42:44

"Where are you staying? I can't wait to meet you." I also put...

0:42:440:42:47

HE SPEAKS GERMAN

0:42:470:42:48

Which is German for "I know this is a scam."

0:42:480:42:51

"..thanks, Joe."

0:42:510:42:53

She didn't spot it. She replied, "Mr Joe, I will be very busy

0:42:530:42:55

"in Berlin and will not be able to see you. You must pay the deposit

0:42:550:42:58

"or I cannot secure the visit. Thank you, Gemma." So I left it

0:42:580:43:01

a couple of days and then I replied, "Gemma, I'm here. Where are you?"

0:43:010:43:05

And I have been to Berlin, about two years ago on a holiday, so I

0:43:050:43:08

attached this picture of me, just to give it a sense of realism,

0:43:080:43:11

you know. She replied, "Mr Joe,

0:43:110:43:15

"I am no longer in Berlin on business. If you would like viewing, you need to pay the deposit."

0:43:150:43:19

So I replied, "Gemma, what a pity. I suppose I will have to pay the deposit. I hope you don't mind,

0:43:190:43:25

"but I have an old friend who works at the FBI and I'm just going to ask

0:43:250:43:28

"him to do a quick check to make sure this isn't a scam. Thanks, Joe."

0:43:280:43:31

Very quick reply to that one. "Mr Joe, the property is no longer available, sadly, the viewing

0:43:310:43:35

"will not be possible. Please confirm you have received this." I didn't reply. Got another one.

0:43:350:43:39

"Mr Joe, did you receive my last e-mail?" I got quite a few of these, some of them quite manic in bold.

0:43:390:43:45

Really panicked. I left it another couple of days and I replied,

0:43:450:43:49

"Frau Gemma,

0:43:490:43:51

"in order to secure cancellation of the FBI check,

0:43:510:43:54

"I need you to pay me a deposit

0:43:540:43:58

"of 300 USD

0:43:580:44:03

"through my trusted partner, moneytoJoe.org."

0:44:030:44:06

Thank you so much for being so lovely.

0:44:060:44:09

Have a great the rest of your show. I was Joe Lycett. See you again.

0:44:090:44:12

CHEERING

0:44:120:44:13

Thank you so much.

0:44:150:44:18

Thank you.

0:44:180:44:19

The wonderful Joe Lycett! Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Lycett!

0:44:190:44:22

CHEERING

0:44:220:44:24

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

0:44:270:44:29

it is time to find out what replies Ed Balls has had.

0:44:290:44:33

It's time for Send To All.

0:44:330:44:36

OK.

0:44:380:44:40

So, let's just remind ourselves

0:44:400:44:43

of the text that I sent into Ed Balls's telephone.

0:44:430:44:47

All right, well, we're just going to crack on.

0:45:080:45:12

Jeremy Vine.

0:45:120:45:14

From BBC Radio 2. He's just opened with,

0:45:140:45:18

"Blimey! Is Delia in the hot tub?

0:45:180:45:24

"I'm finding my leopard print swimming shorts RIGHT NOW!"

0:45:240:45:29

There's a very seriously boring one from Charlie K. Who's Charlie K?

0:45:320:45:35

Charlie K is a councillor in Wakefield.

0:45:350:45:38

So he's northern, Charlie K?

0:45:380:45:40

-Yeah. Charlie Keith.

-He just says,

0:45:400:45:42

"We'd love to, but just got back from Zakynthos,

0:45:420:45:45

"so me and Gracie are a bit travel weary. Best, mate.

0:45:450:45:47

"We'll ring you in the week. Take care. Thanks for the invite."

0:45:470:45:52

Dude, did you read the text?

0:45:520:45:55

"We're a bit weary." We're in hot tub with Delia and Stormzy!

0:45:550:46:00

And Anton du Beke. "Yeah, but as I said, I'm a bit travel weary."

0:46:000:46:06

-Charlie K.

-June Cooper?

0:46:060:46:09

Is my mother-in-law.

0:46:090:46:11

All right, well, it's a great one. Your mother-in-law has texted,

0:46:140:46:17

"Your father-in-law is coming if Katya is there."

0:46:170:46:21

-Kevin Brennan?

-A Cardiff MP.

0:46:260:46:30

So this is a Member of Parliament texting you.

0:46:300:46:33

"Ha! I'm at a conference with your wife. I suspect you might have been

0:46:330:46:38

"inviting someone else but don't worry, I won't tell her."

0:46:380:46:42

There's more, there's more.

0:46:470:46:50

"PS, Stormzy is awesome."

0:46:500:46:53

Completely fallen for it!

0:46:560:46:59

Nobody has questioned that you're having a hot tub party with Stormzy,

0:46:590:47:04

who you met at Glasto!

0:47:040:47:08

Oh, we've just arrived at Peter Mandelson.

0:47:080:47:11

Peter Mandelson.

0:47:120:47:14

He goes, "I'm grabbing my Lilo.

0:47:140:47:16

"It sounds much better than the Labour Party conference.

0:47:160:47:20

"Tell Anton I'm coming."

0:47:200:47:22

Ore. He was the winner of Strictly, was he?

0:47:250:47:28

Ore. Yeah.

0:47:280:47:30

-Ore Oduba.

-Whoa!

0:47:300:47:32

-Ore? Is Ore a radio presenter?

-Yeah.

-Oh. Oh.

0:47:320:47:37

Oh. This has never happened before on this show.

0:47:370:47:40

Oh, balls!

0:47:400:47:42

Ore's text says, "Just read that out live on BBC Radio 2."

0:47:440:47:49

He's gone, "Like I said, see you shortly after 9pm. Big Love, buddy."

0:47:570:48:02

-And then the kissing one.

-I'd better get home quick!

0:48:020:48:05

You actually might have to have this party!

0:48:050:48:08

You'll be in the Yellow Pages, going,

0:48:080:48:10

"I'm looking for a late-night hot tub delivery service.

0:48:100:48:13

"It's E Balls."

0:48:130:48:16

Your wife... She's texted three texts, the first one is,

0:48:170:48:22

"Seriously?" Then the next one is,

0:48:220:48:24

"Midlife crisis getting just a little out of hand now?"

0:48:240:48:28

Oh, my God! The third text from your wife, Yvette Cooper, reads,

0:48:310:48:35

"DO NOT get your mankini out."

0:48:350:48:39

-Rob Rinder?

-Judge Rinder.

-Oh, Judge Rinder!

0:48:470:48:51

Oh, we love Judge Rinder.

0:48:510:48:53

Judge Rinder has texted, "Ed, have you been drinking?

0:48:530:48:58

"I'm concerned.

0:48:580:49:00

"Much as I'd love to join for some hot tub action,

0:49:000:49:04

"I'm sure I'd ruin the entire vibe.

0:49:040:49:07

"I also have a verruca."

0:49:070:49:09

Oh, my God! A great one from Fi Glover.

0:49:140:49:17

Fi Glover's a radio broadcaster.

0:49:170:49:19

-Yes, Radio 4.

-Oh, she's good.

0:49:190:49:22

Simple one liner.

0:49:220:49:24

"How we all wish you had become Chancellor."

0:49:240:49:28

Oh, that's brilliant. Wayne...

0:49:350:49:39

Wayne is the person who used to live next door to us.

0:49:390:49:43

-He's a Methodist vicar.

-He's a Methodist vicar.

0:49:430:49:47

I've got to tell you, it's really good.

0:49:470:49:52

So the Methodist vicar who lives next door to you,

0:49:520:49:55

who's been invited to join you in a hot tub with Anton du Beke,

0:49:550:49:59

Stormzy, and Delia Smith has replied,

0:49:590:50:03

"I'll just finish writing my sermon then grab my towel."

0:50:030:50:07

How awesome is that? Thank you from all of us.

0:50:120:50:16

Ed Balls! What about that?!

0:50:160:50:19

That was sensational.

0:50:190:50:21

Ladies and gentlemen, earlier tonight

0:50:270:50:30

we surprised Stella in our entirely fake cat cafe next door to the

0:50:300:50:38

theatre. Let's have a little look at how she's been getting on since that

0:50:380:50:42

surprise earlier tonight.

0:50:420:50:44

I just thought it was a final surprise from my daughter

0:50:480:50:51

for a weekend away. We just went into this lovely little cat cafe,

0:50:510:50:55

which was absolutely brilliant.

0:50:550:50:56

I just can't believe they actually kept the secret from me completely.

0:50:560:51:00

-It's just mad.

-Well done.

-Thank you.

0:51:000:51:04

I'm Juliet. I'm going to be your vocal coach today.

0:51:040:51:06

Of all the unexpected stars,

0:51:060:51:07

I think Stella's been the most emotional.

0:51:070:51:09

She was crying and just felt a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing,

0:51:090:51:13

I think.

0:51:130:51:15

It's something that I've always dreamed of since I was 11 years old

0:51:150:51:19

and after all of these years I've waited, it's finally arrived.

0:51:190:51:23

The last hour has been magical, actually.

0:51:250:51:27

It's just been a whirlwind.

0:51:270:51:28

I thought I'd be on the train home by now.

0:51:280:51:31

I'm probably more nervous than she is.

0:51:330:51:35

She's amazing and I'm just in awe of her.

0:51:350:51:38

Ladies and gentlemen, it's our unexpected star of tonight's show,

0:51:430:51:47

it's Stella!

0:51:470:51:49

CHEERING

0:51:490:51:50

MUSIC: O Mio Babbino Caro

0:51:530:51:56

SHE SINGS IN ITALIAN

0:52:100:52:14

Ladies and gentlemen, it's our Unexpected Star of tonight's show,

0:54:120:54:17

Stella. What about that? Amazing. Amazing.

0:54:170:54:21

Come on, guys. Come on up.

0:54:210:54:24

Come on up. Come on, Shakira. Come on, Mum and Dad.

0:54:240:54:28

Very, very, very good. Come on, Dad. Don't back off.

0:54:490:54:52

It's show business!

0:54:520:54:53

Stella, how do you feel after that?

0:54:550:54:57

Oh, I'm still shaking, actually. I feel absolutely amazing.

0:54:570:55:01

What an incredible thing to go through.

0:55:010:55:03

Yes, from stroking cats in a cafe to standing on the stage.

0:55:030:55:08

-Let's not leave out eating cat food, Stella!

-No.

0:55:080:55:10

But how's it been turning it around and rehearsing?

0:55:100:55:13

-It must have been like a whirlwind.

-It's just been absolutely amazing.

0:55:130:55:17

It really has been a dream come true for me. Thank you so much.

0:55:170:55:19

Well, thank you so much. We loved it.

0:55:190:55:22

CHEERING It's Stella, ladies and gentlemen.

0:55:220:55:25

Fantastic. Brilliant.

0:55:250:55:29

Really sensational.

0:55:290:55:31

Ladies and gentlemen,

0:55:330:55:34

please give it up for everybody that's been on tonight.

0:55:340:55:36

We'll see you again next week for another Big Show.

0:55:360:55:38

Until then, thank you very much. Goodnight!

0:55:380:55:41

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