I Do, But to Who? Miranda


I Do, But to Who?

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Transcript


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Hi. It's beyond smashing to see your lovely faces again.

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Except yours, wipe that off.

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Bet you all checked!

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This is no time for frivolity.

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As you may remember, I just had two proposals.

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-Miranda?

-Miranda?

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Oh, I'm really flapping now. I don't know what to do.

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Just marry someone!

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Or go to Utah, marry them both!

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Wish I'd done that with your father and Nigel Havers.

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Ugh!

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Miranda, I truly mean this proposal.

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I know how happy you'd make me, and I'd treasure you forever.

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-ALL:

-Awww!

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Well, I...

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Argh! My knee's gone. Ow!

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-ALL:

-Oh!

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Pathetic.

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Oh! Shut up, Mike!

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Stop it! I'm going to run away. I can't cope with it!

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-No, no, no, wait!

-Don't!

-BOTH: Marry me!

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Or, hat in ring. Marry me.

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-ALL:

-What?!

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Three proposals?! Get in!

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-Chazzle!

-No, jesting, hilarium.

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Not hilarium, Chazzle, actually.

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This is meant to be my moment, isn't it? What are they doing?

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You're all engagement-ruining idiots!

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MIRANDA SIGHS

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Oh, are you all right, Big One?

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I should know the answer. I just, I really want to know.

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Fear not, I'm all over this, like whipped cream on Gary Barlow.

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Pace.

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Mike and Gary, pros and cons.

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This is my life, not a corporate meeting!

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Er, steady, sire. Pace.

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Right, let's call it, "love positives" and "qualms".

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Qualms is a good word. I do have qualms.

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I have qualms about them both.

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I've said "qualms" too much now.

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I have qualms about the word qualms. I have qualm qualms.

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Er, hush your mouth now, Big One, please.

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Shouldn't they be running after me if they really meant it? Right.

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God, you decide.

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I'm going to marry whoever comes through that door first.

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Miranda.

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Unacceptable!

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I hope you're deciding, we're all on tenterhooks next door.

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I can't wait to shove this engagement, whoever it's with,

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in Belinda's smug, tennis president, MBE-bestowed,

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effortless weight-loss achieving, perfect bum in jodhpur,

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"I once met Mary Berry" face,

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with love.

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Between Mike and Gary, just give me a sign.

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Hi!

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I think I've waited as long as I could,

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but I just really need to know.

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I think I've said it all, but just... Well, I love you.

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GARY PANTS

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I love you too, Mike.

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I know.

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I love you very much.

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But I want to marry Gary.

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And not just because it rhymes.

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I'm sorry, Mike.

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These things are all meant.

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You're a good man, Mike.

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Right, yes. I'll leave you to, um...

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-I'll speak to you later.

-Yeah.

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Right, before you say anything, I did run straight after you,

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but I went to go and get a ring first

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because I want to do a proper proposal.

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Well, I say ring, in the time, these.

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Yum!

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-That's the ring.

-Oh, sorry, yes.

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That's a bit small, that one.

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And that's a bit jaggedy. They're yummy!

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I thought this might happen, so I got a back-up.

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Miranda...

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Ooh, it's happening!

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Wellingtons up!

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-Miranda, will you...

-Ooh, I bloody love crisps.

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-Kind of on a flow here, Charlie!

-Oh, big, fat soz.

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Miranda, will you...

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MOBILE BEEPS LOUDLY

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Oh, bear with.

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This is my moment, Tilly!

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-Just shush!

-Thank you.

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Miranda.

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Will you do me the honour of being

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forever and always, because don't ever leave me,

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of being...

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Welling up!

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..of being my wife?

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Yes!

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Finally! In your botoxed face, Belinda,

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and anyone else who said Miranda's only long-term relationship

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would be with Dairy Milk.

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I'm getting married to Gary! I'm getting Garried!

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THEY SING A CONGA TUNE

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Tremendio Iglesias Kong!

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Come on, let's go back and celebrate!

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I'd better go and sort out this party.

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But, speaking of finally,

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-do you think I might be able to stay over tonight?

-Yes, you can.

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I love you.

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I'll see you later.

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BREATHLESSLY Yes.

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SHE GIGGLES

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THEY GIGGLE TOGETHER

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What?

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He didn't say, "I love you".

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He's never, he's never actually said, "I love you".

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He's just asked you, in no uncertain terms, to marry him, you fool!

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THEY LAUGH TOGETHER

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What?

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Will we still play Where's Miranda? And have games nights?

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Nothing will change, Little One.

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Indeed, I challenge you to our latest game of

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Snackeralympics Peperami Jenga.

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Challenge accepted.

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Now, let's forthwith to the restaurant to see my fiance!

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SHE LAUGHS

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Er...you're prancing like an oversized pony.

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Oh, my goodness, I'm a fiancee.

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I'm going to be a wife. I'm flapping again now.

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Will I have to make house, and deal with throws and pelmets?

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I don't know what pelmets are, what are pelmets?

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The love of your life has just proposed to you,

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-that's all you need to think.

-Yes.

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Now, let's prance-ay to my fiance-ay.

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It's like human dressage.

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I'm getting married!

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Yay!

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I nipped back before Gary left the party because

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tonight is the night when dos become uno.

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And I realised, and forgive, but I've got no grown-up pantinage.

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I'm a fiancee, I should have linger-ee and thongs.

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And I should be able to say thongs without wanting to thay

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the rest of the thentence like this!

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Ooh, there are my thlippers.

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So, I'm totally nude.

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I'm as Mother Nature intended.

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She is a very cruel woman.

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DOOR SLAMS He's here!

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Hello, Mr Lover-Lover.

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-You were not meant to see that!

-I did not need to see that!

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-I'm sorry!

-Arghh, my eyes! Aahh!

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SHE SCREAMS

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It's getting offensive now, actually!

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I was not expecting you.

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It's Snackeralympics, you challenged.

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Yeah, but tonight, hell of a night.

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-Dos become uno.

-Peperami Jenga!

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-I'll set it up, OK?

-OK.

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Not OK!

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Right, you.

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-Come here!

-No. No, no, no.

-Yes, yes,

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-I've waited 15 years for this.

-It's just that Stevie...

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STEVIE SCREAMS

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Argh! Male downstairs department!

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Urgh! Female downstairs department!

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Oh, well, this isn't awkward(!)

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-Let's play.

-Yeah, great idea.

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That's worked out, hasn't it?

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(Get rid of her!)

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(She's not adjusting.)

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-What?

-(Adjusting.)

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What are you doing?

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MOUTHS: I just...

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SHE SPEAKS NORMALLY: I was miming...

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# Ag-a-doo-doo-doo Push pineapple, shake a tree. #

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Stevie, the thing is I'm staying tonight.

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Yay! Sleepover! So, activities. Karaoke?

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Sex with Miranda.

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Well, I don't want to have sex with Miranda.

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Can people stop saying... MOUTHS: ..sex?

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-Ugh! Intimacy issues!

-Right, that's it.

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OK, I've got a new game.

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It is called, Could Stevie Leave Right Now, Please?

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Sorry? Are you chucking Stevie out?

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Stevie cannot believe this!

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You do know that you are Stevie?

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You said nothing would change.

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But tonight, you know, there will be times when we need boundaries

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so there isn't overcrowding.

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Boundaries? Overcrowding? Hark at her!

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I mean, yes, you are "engaged".

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What's this?

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Well, I'm miming locking a toilet door. You're engaged.

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You are also, toilet door again, vacant of compassion.

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-Oh, finally we get the point.

-And, in many ways, you are...

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out of order.

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What, again with the classic toilet door metaphors?

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-Absolutely ridiculous!

-Immediately ditching your best friend.

-I am not!

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Nothing's changed!

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Everything's changed!

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-Making tea for my husband-to-be.

-Ooh! I like the sound of that.

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Ahhhh...

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-You know, something crossed my mind this morning.

-Oh, no, what?

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No, it's good, it's good.

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Well, it's a bit silly now.

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It's just, you're going to make me very happy.

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You're sweet!

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Now, do you think we might be able to spend some time on our own today?

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-You know, finally have some peace?

-Please!

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Mornington, Strictly Kong Dancing! Aw!

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We are desperating for a cup of cha-cha-cha.

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-BOTH:

-One, two, cha-cha-cha!

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-Cuppa-rooney?

-Cuppa-Wayne-Rooney.

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THEY LAUGH

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HE SNORTS LIKE A HORSE

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BOTH: Sorry, what are you two doing?

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Summer wedding administration starts now.

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Wedmin!

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-Weddington Boots!

-Utter thrilly-bots. Tea, please.

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Now, um, guest list. I'm at 450.

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Oh! Weenie, Pendulous!

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-No, no, I can't do this.

-You're not wobbling, are you, Gary?

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Any chance to neckie some brekkie?

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Wedmin, focus, petit prince.

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So, cake-wise, I have made cake-ulations.

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And the best man for the job is Kate and Pip-Pip's cousin, Titus.

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-Oh, Titty?

-Yup. Big Titty.

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-I can't cope.

-Samples ici.

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Bit Lloyd Gross, tasting cake so early.

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Oh, yeah! I've never had cake for breakfast. Never.

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Never done that.

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LAUGHING: I have!

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Small bites.

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I like that.

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Now, tonight, Gary, I've called the restaurant,

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spoke to that waitress, what's her name?

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-Jacinta.

-Didn't you date a Jacinta once?

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-We can have the engagement party there.

-What? No!

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-Another party?

-Not tonight.

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-No, no, please!

-Such fun! All arranged, all settled.

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Just a small do.

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You still not socially up to more, Donkeyest Kong?

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MUSIC: Another One Bites The Dust by Queen

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SHE BREAKS WIND

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CAR ENGINE REVS

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Oh!

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-Now, order of service.

-No, no, stop, stop, stop!

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-Just everyone, stop!

-Oh, no, Gary, no, please, no!

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I can't do this.

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You see, this is what I feared,

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-you're just never going to commit to marriage.

-I'm so sorry.

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Gary, pull yourself together.

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I've seen less wobble in one of Miranda's pilates classes.

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No, I mean, I can't do THIS.

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Can we not just get married as soon as possible?

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Let's get married in no more than three weeks.

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No way-der-hosen!

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Oh, way-der-hosen!

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Three weeks!

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I'll buy our pelmets. For the kitchen? Bathroom?

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What are pelmets?

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Are they helmets for pens?

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Three weeks! SHE GIGGLES

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I can't stop prancing.

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Morning, Stevie.

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Have I told you quite how pretty you look this morning?

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Talk to the pinky because you are...

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stinky!

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Right, well, it sounds like I'll have to find somebody else

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to be my head bridesmaid.

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This shouldn't take long.

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Five, four, three...

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I'll probably ask Tilly.

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Two, one.

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I want to be your head bridesmaid. I've got to be your head bridesmaid!

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I'm the perfect head bridesmaid!

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Oh, I'm sorry!

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-I was just scared of being lonely.

-No, I'm sorry. I was insensitive.

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Promise you won't be one of those brides that forgets her best friend?

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I promise. And I was thinking, why don't you organise

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a girlie weekend away for just us?

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Oh, yes! I will nail this like an enthusiastic hammer.

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I need you, Stevie. I'm terrified Gary's going to bolt.

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Oh, stop this. He won't!

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I bet he's said "I love you" now.

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Well, no.

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He did just say he wants to get married in no less than three weeks.

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Well, there you go.

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THEY SING THE WEDDING MARCH

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I am going to get my fiancee act together.

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For starters, I am going to regain some feminine mystique.

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Or GAIN some feminine mystique.

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-None taken.

-We need to get some lingerie,

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perfume that isn't Febreze.

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You do know Mountain Fresh is not a scent?

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I'll sort you out. We'll go for lunch together, and then we'll shop.

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Hi.

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-BOTH:

-Phwoar!

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-Oh, let's not be those women again.

-No, absolutely, no.

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-First.

-I am. I am.

-Let me... It's unseemly to...

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-I can give it back.

-No, I'll give it back.

-I can give it.

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THEY BICKER

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I'm also singl...

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Now, ladies...

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-Ooh, ladies?

-Ladies?

-THEY GIGGLE

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-Well, he's a fireman!

-He's a fireman!

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The Fire Service are installing your smoke alarms for free

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if you want to book in.

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BTW, she isn't actually available because she is enga...

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England's number one sex goddess!

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Enchantee to you, sir!

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Er, ignore her.

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Put me out, because I am on fire!

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-Oh, I'm really pleased with that.

-Excuse me, I was here first actually!

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Excuse me! If one thing should change...

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It's this.

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-Hi! Sorry.

-You frightened him away!

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Right, you, come with me, I clearly need to buy you a ring.

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-What, now?

-Shall we?

-Shall we?

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No, sorry, I can't, no, I'm having lunch with Stevie.

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Psssst!

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Let me just confer with my tiny little colleague.

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-You've got to go.

-Why?

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He's buying you a ring. This is the "I love you" moment.

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Oh, yes, OK. Right.

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Why don't us two meet for tea?

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Yay. We'll meet at three.

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We've gone really low, and really close.

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I know, I'm like a giraffe at a watering hole.

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Miranda?

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THEY SHRIEK

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Sorry, sorry, husband.

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It's just that your wife is full o' mystique.

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So, let's ring shop.

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-Camp!

-Thank you!

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-Beanbag!

-Oh, right.

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-We'll just take this.

-OK.

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This is so exciting!

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-Oh, look at those gold ones.

-Wow.

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MUSIC ESCAPES GIRL'S HEADPHONES

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Babe, I'll choose. Your choice of bedspread was totally gross.

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Tarquin!

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SHE IMITATES "Tarquin", "totally gross".

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Excuse me, are you taking the wee-wee?

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What? No, no.

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SHE IMITATES HER ACCENT Er, cos this is how I talk.

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Hold the phone, have we met before?

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No, no, don't think so, no.

0:17:360:17:38

Get it together, Miranda. Mystique.

0:17:380:17:42

MUSIC BLARES FROM HEADPHONES

0:17:420:17:43

Oh, wow, that is gorgeous, isn't it?

0:17:430:17:45

Sorry, I'm stuck to you, my coat.

0:17:470:17:50

Sorry, excuse me! I'm stuck to you!

0:17:500:17:52

SHE MOUTHS

0:17:520:17:53

-Sorry!

-What are you doing?

0:17:530:17:55

I'm doing the conga. SHE SINGS THE CONGA

0:17:550:17:59

-Are you pickpocketing me?

-What the actual hell is happening?

0:17:590:18:01

POSH ACCENT: It's just that I'm stuck to her.

0:18:010:18:04

-Why are you talking like that?

-This is how I talk.

0:18:040:18:06

She is, she's stealing!

0:18:060:18:08

Tarquin! Do something.

0:18:080:18:11

No, Tarquin, hello! Don't do anything.

0:18:110:18:13

It's just I'm stuck to her, you see. My coat. That's all, Gary. My coat.

0:18:130:18:16

It's really hard to talk like this.

0:18:160:18:18

-Get off me! Aagh!

-I'm sorry.

0:18:180:18:21

Miranda!

0:18:210:18:23

Listen to me. I am stuck to you!

0:18:230:18:25

What... Oh, my Lord!

0:18:250:18:26

-What are you doing?!

-I am stuck to you, you idiot!

0:18:280:18:31

Well, dismount!

0:18:310:18:33

Gary, stop the escalator!

0:18:330:18:35

ESCALATOR THUDS

0:18:370:18:39

MIRANDA SCREAMS

0:18:390:18:40

THEY BOTH SCREAM

0:18:420:18:43

Quick, before we get sucked into the escalator bowels!

0:18:430:18:46

You've got a problem with your bowels?

0:18:460:18:49

No, I do not, and will you shush, please?

0:18:490:18:51

People have been trying to sleep, in Australia!

0:18:510:18:55

Right, you and me, let's get out of here.

0:18:550:18:58

Oh, right!

0:18:580:19:00

Oh, my goodness! I'm going down the up. I should be going down the down.

0:19:000:19:04

-Yes. Go up the up to come down the down.

-I'll go up the up. OK.

0:19:040:19:08

Stevie, Stevie, Stevie. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

0:19:090:19:11

-What are you doing?

-Packing up my stuff.

0:19:110:19:14

I lost track of time. I am so sorry.

0:19:140:19:16

Well, apology not accepted.

0:19:160:19:18

It's just that Gary and I took some time, you see,

0:19:180:19:21

-because I ruined the ring moment.

-Well, you ruined us!

0:19:210:19:24

Oh, Stevie...

0:19:240:19:25

Oh, finding Heather Small is a bit too big to fit in that box, are we?

0:19:250:19:30

Really? The "are we's"?

0:19:300:19:33

Thinking the use of the "are we's" are appropriate here, are we?

0:19:330:19:36

Using three "are we's" in a sentence, are we?

0:19:360:19:39

Counting my "are we's", are we? Oh, this is stupid!

0:19:390:19:42

Can't you ever be serious?

0:19:420:19:45

Fine, if you want me to be serious,

0:19:450:19:46

I think you're selfishly overreacting.

0:19:460:19:48

-And it was just a tea!

-It was NOT just a tea!

0:19:480:19:51

It was showing you weren't going to abandon me. It was a promise.

0:19:510:19:55

Good luck with your engagement party without your wing woman.

0:19:550:19:59

This engagement's turning into a nightmare.

0:19:590:20:01

TOY SQUEAKS

0:20:010:20:03

..her gite in Provence. And I said,

0:20:030:20:06

we all know how Buffy Bluffington got her planning permission!

0:20:060:20:11

THEY LAUGH SELF-CONSCIOUSLY

0:20:110:20:13

Yeah, I'll be back in a mo.

0:20:130:20:14

Miranda, look sharp, that's Veronica, tennis club VP,

0:20:140:20:18

she'll report back to Belinda.

0:20:180:20:20

Looking gorgeous, darling!

0:20:200:20:23

She looks like a, what I call, man in drag.

0:20:230:20:26

Marjorie!

0:20:260:20:28

Quite simple, really.

0:20:280:20:30

-Oh!

-Hello!

0:20:300:20:31

-So, this is my fiancee, Miranda.

-Hi.

-Hello.

0:20:310:20:34

You're very young and lovely.

0:20:340:20:37

Who are you, please, to you, please, thank you, to you?

0:20:370:20:39

Erm, Jacinta. New waitress.

0:20:390:20:42

Jacinta? This is Jacinta?

0:20:420:20:45

-Yeah.

-Oh!

0:20:450:20:47

Oh, well, how very lovely to have somebody so lovely around

0:20:470:20:50

like Jacinta being lovely, because she's lovely, Gary, isn't she?

0:20:500:20:53

Have you noticed Jacinta?

0:20:530:20:54

Well, you look lovely, I don't know, you might have killed.

0:20:540:20:58

No, no, you're lovely.

0:20:590:21:01

With your unwrinkled skin and your...face.

0:21:010:21:05

That's kind. Although with Gary's cooking I'll probably balloon.

0:21:070:21:10

Probably. SHE IMITATES AN EXPLOSION

0:21:100:21:12

Luckily, I've got really a fast metabolism, so...

0:21:120:21:15

MIRANDA FORCES A LAUGH

0:21:150:21:17

Sorry.

0:21:210:21:23

-Why are you being like that?

-I'm sorry, your fiancee's an idiot.

0:21:230:21:27

-Oh, Chris and Alison.

-Hi.

0:21:270:21:28

-BOTH:

-Hello, lovers. Oh, said it at the same time!

0:21:280:21:31

He reads my mind.

0:21:310:21:34

Works wonders in the lusty moments of monthly sex night.

0:21:340:21:37

Oh, come on!

0:21:370:21:40

Come... # Karma, Karma, Karma Chameleon. #

0:21:400:21:45

Thank you.

0:21:460:21:47

-Not that you'll be interested in sex after a few years.

-Weeks.

0:21:490:21:52

Years.

0:21:520:21:54

Look what trouble naughty Papa Bear's got me into.

0:21:540:21:58

-Now, you look gorgeous, dumpling.

-Dumpling?

0:21:580:22:01

That's rich. There's a baby in here. What's in there?

0:22:030:22:06

Pies.

0:22:100:22:13

-BOTH:

-Samosas. Said at the same time!

0:22:130:22:15

Well, if you want any tips...

0:22:180:22:20

Oh, are you giving marriage advice? I suggest...

0:22:200:22:23

-Please don't.

-..Bedroom Countdown.

0:22:230:22:25

Two from the top, one from the bottom.

0:22:250:22:27

Goodbye.

0:22:270:22:28

Oh. You ARE here.

0:22:280:22:31

Yeah, I didn't want to let my plus-one down.

0:22:310:22:33

-For I'm also in a relationship.

-Stevie...!

0:22:330:22:36

Not this again. You can't drag a traffic warden off the street

0:22:360:22:39

-every time you want a boyfriend.

-Uh, we're in love!

0:22:390:22:42

Are we? Brilliant.

0:22:420:22:44

Yep, this is great.

0:22:440:22:47

-I see marriage, you know, for us.

-Even more brilliant.

0:22:470:22:50

Mmm, hmm...

0:22:510:22:53

My beard's like a gentle bear.

0:22:530:22:55

Anyway, do you mind? We need boundaries

0:22:550:22:58

because I've just felt overcrowded.

0:22:580:23:01

Oh, you are pathetic!

0:23:010:23:02

Miranda, keep focused.

0:23:020:23:04

Look, don't pressure me socially. It just makes me want to say "bum".

0:23:040:23:07

Oh! Hello, Vicar. Sorry.

0:23:070:23:09

Sorry about bumming in your face. As it were. Sorry.

0:23:090:23:13

I was just saying, formality unnerves. Do you ever find that?

0:23:130:23:16

Do you find yourself at the pulpit going, "Amen, floppy tits!"

0:23:160:23:20

Well, I am very much looking forward to marrying you and Gary.

0:23:210:23:24

We should find a time to sit down,

0:23:240:23:26

I'd like to share thoughts on marriage, intercourse.

0:23:260:23:28

MIRANDA GIGGLES

0:23:280:23:31

Sorry! It's just that there's a vicar saying "intercourse".

0:23:310:23:35

SHE GIGGLES It's quite funny.

0:23:350:23:37

I mean, even you must find you saying "intercourse" funny!

0:23:370:23:40

Because you're a vicar saying "intercourse".

0:23:400:23:43

I had intercourse once.

0:23:430:23:45

In Luton, with a woman, in a skip.

0:23:470:23:49

Where's Charles? Why isn't he ever here when I need him?

0:23:490:23:52

Gary. Do a lovely speech about Miranda.

0:23:520:23:55

Only, whatever you do, don't mention the fact

0:23:550:23:57

she uses her breasts as a tray.

0:23:570:23:59

-Ha, such fun!

-I don't use... Oh.

0:23:590:24:02

Everybody, announcement time!

0:24:020:24:05

Charlie just popadommed the big Q. We're engagulated!

0:24:050:24:10

Oh! Congratulations!

0:24:100:24:13

I love you!

0:24:130:24:14

Romance Abramovich!

0:24:140:24:16

And I'll bear with you for the rest of my life.

0:24:180:24:20

Oh, well, that's all very lovely,

0:24:220:24:24

but let's hear it for the couple of the mo-mo!

0:24:240:24:27

Gary's gone.

0:24:320:24:33

Don't freak out, but I'm freaking out.

0:24:380:24:40

I know you freak out when I freak out.

0:24:400:24:42

I'm not going to freak out. I won't. I'm not.

0:24:420:24:44

Look, I'm not freaking out. Freak, c'est chic!

0:24:440:24:48

Whatever that is, it screams you're freaking out.

0:24:480:24:50

SHE SIGHS Just...just tell me.

0:24:500:24:53

Chris and Alison.

0:24:530:24:54

All that lovey-dovey stuff is clearly covering something.

0:24:540:24:58

And the way your mum talks about your dad?

0:24:580:25:00

-HE BREATHES HEAVILY

-Is marriage going to break us?

0:25:000:25:04

Oh, Gary, really? Why can't you ever just commit to me?

0:25:040:25:08

No, no, no, no! Do NOT make it about that.

0:25:080:25:10

What do you want to do? Escape, elope?

0:25:100:25:12

I've still got those train tickets to Wick.

0:25:120:25:14

No, I don't want to run away from the problem.

0:25:140:25:17

You wouldn't be, it would just be me and you. You see, it is about me.

0:25:170:25:20

Argh! Just...

0:25:200:25:21

You know what? Maybe we're just not ready.

0:25:230:25:25

Neither of us has ever really had a long-term relationship.

0:25:250:25:28

I have. There was, erm, Dave.

0:25:280:25:31

The takeaway guy does not count!

0:25:310:25:34

He made me put on weight, we didn't have sex,

0:25:340:25:36

so it was a long-term relationship.

0:25:360:25:38

OK, look, yes, marriage is, can be difficult.

0:25:400:25:45

You see couples that did love,

0:25:450:25:46

but they clearly don't like each other anymore.

0:25:460:25:49

But that's the thing, Gary. With us,

0:25:490:25:52

if nothing else, we really blooming like each other, don't we?

0:25:520:25:55

Yeah, yeah, I mean,

0:25:570:25:59

15 years of friendship and we haven't split up.

0:25:590:26:01

We're going to be OK, aren't we?

0:26:010:26:04

Yeah.

0:26:040:26:05

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

0:26:050:26:07

Gosh, you scared me there.

0:26:070:26:10

I just think we need to get some normality back, you know?

0:26:100:26:13

And first things first,

0:26:130:26:14

I am forcing you and Stevie to make up in the morning.

0:26:140:26:16

-And you have been acting really weird.

-I know, don't.

0:26:160:26:19

Sorry. I've being trying not to let you down and change or something...

0:26:190:26:23

Well, don't. Please. All right?

0:26:230:26:27

OK, Mrs Preston-to-be.

0:26:290:26:32

Would you do me the honour of practising our first dance? Yeah?

0:26:330:26:37

-OK!

-All right.

0:26:370:26:39

-Oh, what's our song going to be?

-Ooh. Erm... Ooh!

0:26:390:26:42

Whatever song comes on first, that shall be our first dance.

0:26:440:26:47

-Risky game.

-What can I say? I'm dangerous.

0:26:470:26:49

-Right.

-Right.

0:26:510:26:53

MUSIC: U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer

0:26:540:26:56

# Can't touch this

0:26:580:26:59

# Can't touch this

0:27:010:27:03

# Can't touch this

0:27:050:27:07

-# My, my, my

-Can't touch this

0:27:070:27:09

# My music keeps me so hard Makes me say, oh, my Lord

0:27:090:27:13

# Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hype feet

0:27:130:27:16

# That's good when you know you're down

0:27:160:27:18

# A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown. #

0:27:180:27:20

Right.

0:27:230:27:24

BOTH: I refuse to speak to...

0:27:240:27:26

-..that mean munchkin.

-..that moody mountain.

0:27:260:27:28

-Moody mountain?

-Mean munchkin?

0:27:280:27:30

Sit down, both of you, now!

0:27:300:27:32

-This is my favourite chair!

-I'm having it!

0:27:320:27:34

Uh-uh-uh! Stop it!

0:27:340:27:35

Right. Stevie?

0:27:390:27:41

Yes, sir, present, sir.

0:27:410:27:43

Is your girlie weekend away still available?

0:27:430:27:45

Oh, yes, sire, for I'm going on it today. Alone.

0:27:450:27:48

No, you're taking Miranda with you.

0:27:480:27:50

She doesn't deserve an amazing trip!

0:27:500:27:52

I'd rather shove my arms in a wood chipper.

0:27:520:27:54

Is there or is there not a friendship here to save, hm?

0:27:540:27:58

MUSIC: Reach by S Club 7

0:27:580:28:01

# Wanna see some more! #

0:28:010:28:03

ALARM BELLS RING

0:28:030:28:04

THEY GROWL

0:28:040:28:05

# You've got to search for the hero inside yourself. #

0:28:050:28:09

THEY SCREAM

0:28:090:28:10

BOTH: I love you.

0:28:100:28:12

Stevie, you're not going unless you take Miranda with you.

0:28:120:28:14

Miranda, if you don't, I won't marry you.

0:28:140:28:16

-Fine.

-Fine, I'll go.

0:28:160:28:19

What is it?

0:28:190:28:20

We are going, this is literally brilliant,

0:28:200:28:22

to the Lake District, on a corporate survival bonding night.

0:28:220:28:27

How is that brilliant? That is not brilliant, Gary!

0:28:350:28:39

-See you tomorrow.

-Ugh!

0:28:390:28:41

Oh, sorry about that(!)

0:28:460:28:48

WILD ANIMAL SCREECHES, WIND HOWLS

0:28:500:28:52

Oh, well, you were right. I mean, this is literally brilliant(!)

0:28:520:28:56

If we don't get out of this,

0:28:560:28:58

then you've been the best friend a woman could ever have.

0:28:580:29:02

And I'm so pleased for you and Gary.

0:29:020:29:05

I'm wobbling.

0:29:060:29:08

He still hasn't said "I love you".

0:29:080:29:10

You just need the romantic ring moment again.

0:29:100:29:13

You've always been all I've really had.

0:29:160:29:18

-BOTH:

-Love oo.

0:29:210:29:23

That said, I am really hungry,

0:29:260:29:27

so I'm probably going to have to eat you now.

0:29:270:29:31

If I do die and you survive,

0:29:310:29:34

which is unlikely given that wild creatures

0:29:340:29:36

would rally around my natural allure,

0:29:360:29:39

then I want Gary Barlow and Elton John to duet at my funeral.

0:29:390:29:44

All the James Bond actors to carry my coffin.

0:29:440:29:48

And Benedict Cucumber Patch to sob hysterically.

0:29:480:29:52

Wow!

0:29:550:29:56

Gorge-ulous, isn't he?

0:29:560:29:58

Yes, but I was looking at this one.

0:29:580:30:01

Hi! Ha-ha, missed you.

0:30:010:30:04

Mm. Come here, come here.

0:30:040:30:07

Oh, actually, can we have a bit of space, please?

0:30:070:30:10

-Oh, oh, yes!

-Yes!

0:30:100:30:12

SHE GASPS

0:30:150:30:17

Wow!

0:30:170:30:19

Are you going to say something?

0:30:250:30:27

Here we go!

0:30:290:30:31

What?

0:30:340:30:35

It's just that I'm not quite sure I can wear this until...

0:30:350:30:40

-Oh.

-Oh...

0:30:400:30:41

-Oh, sorry.

-Sorry, soz.

0:30:430:30:45

It's just...

0:30:480:30:49

I'm just never really sure you love me.

0:30:490:30:53

I knew it.

0:30:560:30:58

You don't trust me.

0:30:590:31:01

-What? No, I do, I do trust you.

-No, you don't.

0:31:010:31:05

I don't think you ever really have.

0:31:050:31:07

It's just that you don't trust that I love you.

0:31:090:31:11

It's just you've never actually said it to me.

0:31:130:31:16

Yeah, well, how about actions speaking louder than words, Miranda?

0:31:160:31:19

I mean, you never trust I can commit.

0:31:200:31:22

You don't trust I won't run off.

0:31:220:31:23

-No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-No, Gary! No, please, don't!

0:31:280:31:31

No, listen, listen.

0:31:310:31:32

I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me.

0:31:320:31:35

I can work on trusting you, just wait.

0:31:350:31:38

Maybe you can wait for me to open up?

0:31:380:31:42

But what I can't wait for is...

0:31:420:31:47

I don't think you're ever going to trust yourself, Miranda.

0:31:470:31:51

I want to love you for who you are. You don't need to be anything else.

0:31:510:31:55

SHE SOBS

0:31:550:31:57

-I'm just scared of losing you, Gary, I need you.

-I know you do.

0:31:570:32:00

But too much. And that's where I struggle.

0:32:000:32:03

-HE SOBS

-And that's where we come unstuck.

0:32:050:32:08

We can't be together like this, I'm sorry.

0:32:140:32:17

No, wait, Gary, please.

0:32:240:32:26

No, don't, Gary, just don't go.

0:32:260:32:29

Because I know you that you know this is the right thing to do.

0:32:300:32:33

It has to be over, I'm sorry.

0:32:400:32:42

# Don't think I can't feel like there's something wrong

0:32:430:32:49

# You've been the sweetest part of my life for so long

0:32:490:32:55

# Are you thinking 'bout you or us?

0:32:580:33:02

# Don't say what you're about to say

0:33:020:33:07

# Look back before you leave my life

0:33:090:33:15

# Be sure before you close that door

0:33:160:33:22

# Before you roll those dice

0:33:230:33:29

# Baby, think twice. #

0:33:290:33:31

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