The Mammy Mrs Brown's Boys
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Transcript
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|---|---|---|---|
This programme contains strong language and adult humour | 0:00:02 | 0:00:10 | |
Hahahahaha! | 0:00:10 | 0:00:11 | |
Ladies and gentlemen... | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
# She's Mrs Brown | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
# That's Mrs Brown | 0:00:18 | 0:00:21 | |
# Oh, Mrs Brown... # | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
What's wrong with you, Granddad? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:25 | |
I haven't slept for three days. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
Hello! | 0:00:33 | 0:00:34 | |
I'm just doing a bit of cleaning. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
I'm just about to take a break. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:40 | |
God, I say cleaning like it was a hobby. It's not. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:42 | |
DOG BARKS | 0:00:42 | 0:00:44 | |
Shut up, you feckin' mutt! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:00:46 | 0:00:47 | |
I...I'd better feed him. Hold on. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
Here, Spartacus! | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
SPARTACUS WHINES | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
When I... Jesus, I never opened the feckin' thing! | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
Here, Spartacus! | 0:01:00 | 0:01:01 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
SPARTACUS GROWLS | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
I had six children I reared on my own and they weren't as much trouble as you! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:09 | |
Where was I? Oh, yeah... | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
cleaning! | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
Well, it's not as if it goes unnoticed. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
I had Father Quinn round the other day... | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
he took one look at the house and said, | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
"Mrs Brown, yourself and God keep a lovely home". | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
I said "Thank you, Father" but I'm thinking, | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
"You should see it when God has it on his own!" | 0:01:25 | 0:01:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:28 | 0:01:29 | |
I feel like I've always been cleaning. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
When I was 18, I married his son, Redser Brown, | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
because of a condition I had... | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
called pregnancy. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
The next day, I started cleaning. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
-Hiya, Mammy! -Hello, Cathy, love. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
Ah! Granddad looks peaceful. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
Doesn't he! Hahaha! | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
Heading out on the big date, love? | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
It's not a big date, Mammy. It's just a quiet drink. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
Quiet drink! That's what all men say. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
They think vodka's a lubricant to get your knickers off easy. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
You may laugh, but I tell you, one minute you're sipping Piney Coladies, next... | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
your legs are up in stirrups with the doctor shouting, "Don't push till I tell you!". | 0:02:09 | 0:02:13 | |
I'll keep that in mind, so! | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
-You do that. -Ah, why do I bother? | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
-Right, I'm off! -Do you want a cup of tea before you go, love? | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
No, Mammy. Sure, I'm running late. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
Don't be breaking your neck, he'll be feckin' late as well. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
Did Daddy always come late? | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
That's none of your feckin' business! | 0:02:33 | 0:02:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
See you later! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
-Cathy, love! -Yes, Mammy? -You look fantastic! | 0:02:37 | 0:02:41 | |
Thanks, Mammy. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:42 | |
Keep them on! | 0:02:42 | 0:02:43 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
I...I'm not just a cleaner. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:49 | |
I have a market stall as well. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
I sell fruit and vegetables. I suppose I'm a business woman! Ha ha ha. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
I don't like customers who come and just poke. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
They come and maul your fruit without any feckin' reason whatsoever. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:04 | |
I say to them, "Missus, that's a banana, not a willy..." | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
"..it won't get bigger if you squeeze it!" | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
Hahaha! Hahaha! | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
There goes Happy Feet! | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
I better go in and see what's happening in the North Pole. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
Hello, Dermot, son. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
-Hello, Mammy. -What are you promoting this week? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
-Chocolate biscuits. -Oh, lovely... | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
what kind? | 0:03:36 | 0:03:37 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:37 | 0:03:41 | |
Kit Kats! | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:42 | 0:03:43 | |
Dermot, love... | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
quack, quack, quack, quack! | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
What's wrong, love? Why are you such a sad little penguin? | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
You're not in trouble with the law again, are you? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
No, Mammy, it's Maria. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
-Ah, the lovely Maria. -We've broken up. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
Bitch! Never liked her! | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
-What did she do? -She's not a bitch, Ma. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
-And she didn't do anything, it's just... -Yes? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
..to be honest Mammy, I'd rather not talk about it right now. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
I understand... | 0:04:11 | 0:04:12 | |
so what happened? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
Mammy! I'm not talking about it! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
Fine... | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
-Do you want a cup of tea? -No, I'm only on a quick break. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
Well, if it's only a quick break, you should slip into the fridge and relax! | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
Hahahahaha! Slip into the... Hahaha! | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
THUMP! | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
-It's very late to be studying. -Hi, Mammy. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
I can't sleep, worrying about Dermot and Maria. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
Cathy... | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
you amaze me the amount of work and persistence you put into everything you feckin' do. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
And I know I'm biased... you're my only daughter | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
..but the man who gets you will be... he'll be the luckiest man on earth. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
Not bad for a widow bringing up a girl on her own, hey? | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
Am I right? | 0:05:09 | 0:05:10 | |
Sorry, Mammy? | 0:05:11 | 0:05:12 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
Nothing, it doesn't matter. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:16 | |
Cathy, what am I going to do about Dermot and Maria? | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
Mammy...it's best if we all just butt out and let them sort it out themselves. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:25 | |
BANG! BANG! BANG! | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
What do you want, Granddad? | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
I don't feel well. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:30 | |
You're 92, you're not supposed to fuckin' feel well! | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
-Mammy! -What? | 0:05:36 | 0:05:37 | |
Maybe he really is sick. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
Don't take any chances. Call the doctor! | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
A doctor? At 80 euro a visit?! | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
He's no health insurance. At least he's insured for a funeral. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:47 | |
Mammy! | 0:05:47 | 0:05:48 | |
Fine. I'll call the doctor. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
-This is all because of his feckin' budgie! -His budgie? | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
Found him dead today. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:56 | |
Well, he must be upset. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
He's at that age, love. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
His budgie dies, he's sure he's going to be next. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
With a bit of buckin' luck! | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
It's a sharp pain across the shoulders and down the spine. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:15 | |
-How long has he had it? -Not him... ME! | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:17 | 0:06:20 | |
Mrs Brown, I'm here to examine Granddad. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
You're wasting your time with him, he's fucked. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
Only a matter of time, isn't it, Granddad? | 0:06:27 | 0:06:29 | |
Am I dying? | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
Yes...Friday! | 0:06:31 | 0:06:32 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
What's wrong with him, anyway? | 0:06:35 | 0:06:36 | |
I'll have to run some tests. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
Tests! More feckin' money! | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
I'll need a sample of his urine, and a sample of his stool. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
What'd he say? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
He wants your underpants. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
Granddad, I need you to close your mouth when I put it in. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:56 | |
Hahahahaha! | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
He's never heard that before! | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
I'm afraid I'll have to do a rectal reading. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
Ooh! | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Can you help me? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:07 | |
With buckin' pleasure! | 0:07:07 | 0:07:08 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
Come on, Granddad! | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
The doctor has a surprise for you! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:14 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
Oooooh! Ooh hoo hoo! | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
# Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! # | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
Would you like a cup of tea, Doctor? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
-I wouldn't mind another one of these. -It's in the kitchen. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
Hahahahaha! | 0:07:29 | 0:07:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
I'll get you a cup of tea, Granddad. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
I wish you could see it from this side! | 0:07:34 | 0:07:37 | |
You look like a big buckin' toffee apple. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:40 | 0:07:41 | |
Oooooooh! | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
Granddad! What are you doing there in that state? Come on... fix yourself! | 0:07:44 | 0:07:49 | |
Now, sit down. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
No! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
-Granddad! Come on, sit down. -No! No! No! | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
Arrrgh! | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
Now... | 0:08:03 | 0:08:04 | |
..now, Granddad, isn't that much better? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:09 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:09 | 0:08:13 | |
-Granddad! -Hahahahaha! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
What are you doing? | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
Come on, Granddad. Now we're going to play Treasure Hunt! | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:21 | 0:08:26 | |
No, Mrs Brown. I'm afraid it's gone. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
Gone?! I'm not paying for that! | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Now, wait a minute...er, gone? | 0:08:31 | 0:08:35 | |
Arrgh! | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
Is that bad? Is that dangerous? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
Get him to hospital today. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
We'll explore the cavity then. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
-Explore the cavity! -What? | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
He's going potholing! | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
-Goodbye, Mrs Brown. -Goodbye, Doctor. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
Now you've heard of "Doctor Dolittle"... | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
there goes "Doctor Do-Fuck-All"! | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
You're going to hospital, Granddad... | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
and you're not coming fuckin' back. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:07 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
-Mammy. -Yes, love? -Did you see me Psychology magazine? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:13 | |
-I left it down here last night. -No and if you left it on that chair, | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
it's probably up his arse! | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
Arse like a buckin' Dyson he has! | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
Cathy, there has to be something I can do about Dermot and Maria. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:28 | |
Mammy... | 0:09:28 | 0:09:29 | |
-..as I said, we all need to just butt out. -I want to be involved... | 0:09:30 | 0:09:34 | |
I want to be a leader! Like your man in Iran, | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
'Mock Mood Momamma Jibbidi Get It Back Up Again'. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:39 | 0:09:40 | |
Mammy, of all people you stay out of this. I mean it. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
Promise me you won't interfere. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
OK! | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
Me? Interfere? | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
-Biscuit, Maria? -Thank you. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Ah, I cut the edges off so they fit in the mug. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
Oh. I see. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
So, Maria, why are you torturing my son? | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
Excuse me? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:22 | |
Well, you've obviously done something to upset him. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
How can we make it right? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:26 | |
Maybe if you apologise? | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
Me? Apologise? | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
That's the spirit, love! | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
Mrs Brown, I have no idea what Dermot has told you about what's going on, but... | 0:10:33 | 0:10:38 | |
maybe I should say I'm sorry all right, sorry I ever met him, | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
sorry I allowed myself to fall in love with him and sorry I ever got involved with his family. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:45 | |
And sorry that he has to put up with such a domineering matriarch as you! | 0:10:45 | 0:10:50 | |
I was hoping for something shorter! | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
-Dermot, you're home, just in time. Maria has something she wants to tell you. -You have? | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
Yeah! I hope you and your mother will be very happy together! | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
-Keep it short! Keep it short! -Now get stuffed! | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:03 | 0:11:06 | |
DOOR SLAMS | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
Do you want a cup of tea, love? | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
What the hell happened here, Mammy? | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
What the hell happened? She came here, sat down, | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
nibbled the biscuits and dunk... | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
I don't know what to... | 0:11:17 | 0:11:18 | |
She meant... What is this side... So she... | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
I'm here... Oh, yeah, wuzzah... And she said... | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Don't you muck! Eh! | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
Ohhh! Zem! Nice! You keep away! Uzzah! | 0:11:24 | 0:11:28 | |
It's no wonder you dumped her! | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
I didn't dump HER. She broke up with me, because I wouldn't move in with her. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
-Leave home? -Yes! She wants us to move in together. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
It's far too early for that! | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
I'm 33. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:42 | |
Exactly! | 0:11:44 | 0:11:45 | |
Mammy, I wish you'd stay out of things and for once... | 0:11:45 | 0:11:49 | |
mind your own business! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
You are my business! | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
I'm...your mother... | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Awww. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:00 | |
It's a man in a fuckin' dress! | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
Here, Cathy... | 0:12:08 | 0:12:09 | |
I believe your date was a disaster. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
I wouldn't say that, Winnie! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
You're better off, Cathy. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
Men, preverts! | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
They all look for one thing, and don't need a com-pass! | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:22 | 0:12:23 | |
Will you stop it, Mammy! He wanted to go out and have a talk. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
Oh, a talk... yeah! Talk about doin' it! | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
-Mammy... -Hold on, where's me handbag? | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
Feckin' hang on. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:12:40 | 0:12:47 | |
Me tablets are in it. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
Mammy, my date was not a disaster! | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
-Well, when are you seeing him again? -I'm not. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
Disaster! | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
My Sharon's got herself a new... | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
yoke. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:08 | |
Boyfriend, Mrs McGoogan. I've met him and he's very nice. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
One of the usual weirdos Sharon picks? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
-Actually he's a gentleman. -Gentleman, Betty? | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
-And what would you call a gentleman? -I dunno. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
-Opens the door for you? -Mmmm. -Takes your coat off when you go in? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
-Mmmmm. -Pulls the chair out when you go to sit down. -Aye! | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
Dirty bastard! | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
That's all put on! | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
He just wants to play hide the sausage! | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Will you stop it, Mammy. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
Not all men are sex maniacs! | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
Yes, they are! | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
-They are! -Aren't they, Winnie? | 0:13:42 | 0:13:43 | |
Only last year, me and Winnie went to that film festival, The "Cock-a-Coh". | 0:13:43 | 0:13:47 | |
Uh, what's the one with the... | 0:13:47 | 0:13:48 | |
the motorbike and the swords and.. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:51 | |
-Radiator! -Gladiator! -The Graduate! | 0:13:51 | 0:13:55 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:55 | 0:13:56 | |
We looked great with our Liverpool hairdos. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
I had mine like Cilla Black, | 0:13:59 | 0:14:00 | |
she had hers like fuckin' Ken Dodd. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:02 | 0:14:03 | |
We went to that picture house and were only five minutes there... | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
-Five minutes. -..sitting down. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:08 | |
I can't...I can't say it! I'm too embarrassed. You tell them. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
-Well, this... -..fella came over and sat beside Winnie, right beside her. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
-Right beside me! -Right beside her! | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
Five minutes later, what's he do? What's he do? | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
-He takes his willy out... -Out! -Out! | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:28 | |
The dirty bastard!... | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
Winnie says to me, "Look, look Agnes!" | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Well, I glanced... I only feckin' glanced! | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:36 | 0:14:37 | |
-Oh, my God! -What? -He was playing with it! | 0:14:37 | 0:14:42 | |
-Poor Winnie was disgusted. -I was disgusted. -She was disgusted! | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
-Well, why didn't you move? -We couldn't move! | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
He was using Winnie's hand. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
I'm only joking, Winnie! | 0:14:58 | 0:14:59 | |
Oh, Jesus! | 0:15:02 | 0:15:03 | |
Well, here... | 0:15:03 | 0:15:04 | |
..it's because of weirdos like him that I carry this. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:10 | |
Jesus! | 0:15:10 | 0:15:11 | |
Jesus Christ! What's that? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
It's a Tazer gun. If it was me he sat beside, I'd give him one jab of this and he'd be electrocuted. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:20 | |
And she wonders why she can't get a man. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
Vibrators! | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
I beg your pardon, Winnie? | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
Well, nowadays, that's what the women do get, them vibrators! | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
Shut the buck up, Winnie! | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
Honest, Agnes, they do! | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
I think I might get one meself! | 0:15:40 | 0:15:41 | |
Well, make sure you get one that takes diesel! | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
Can you imagine her with a vibrator? | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
"Winnie, are you coming to Bingo on the bus? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
"No, I'm on a vibrator!" | 0:15:56 | 0:15:59 | |
Hahahaha! | 0:15:59 | 0:16:00 | |
Oh, Winnie, stop that feckin' dirty talk! | 0:16:00 | 0:16:04 | |
Hello? Yes? Is that Out Patients? | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
I'm enquiring about Mr Brown. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
Brow-we-nuh. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:14 | |
..Up his arse, that's him, yes. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
Very generous? Why, what did he do? | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
Nurse, is he near you? Put him on the phone will you, please? | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
For God's sake, feckin' eejit. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
Hello Granddad. Yes, did you fill out a form there this morning? | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
Yeah. What did you tick off on it? | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
Kidneys... | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
heart... | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
liver... | 0:16:40 | 0:16:41 | |
that was a donor form! | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
No, it wasn't the feckin' breakfast menu! | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
Well, you go back to her and make sure you get all the bits you went in with! | 0:16:49 | 0:16:54 | |
I swear that man is getting feckin' worse every day! | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
-Mammy? -What? | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
I really enjoyed those few drinks we had last night! | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
-You had enough of them! -Yeah, one more vodka and I'd have been under that table! | 0:17:02 | 0:17:06 | |
One more pint of cider and I'd have been under that buckin' barman! | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
-You wouldn't, would you, Mrs Brown? -Don't be ridiculous, Betty! | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
It's so long since I had sex, I can't even remember who it is that gets tied up! | 0:17:14 | 0:17:19 | |
Here, we'll miss the shops. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
-You all right, Cathy? -Yeah! | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
Mammy... | 0:17:25 | 0:17:26 | |
keep an eye on me Tazer for me will you, it's charging. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
When the red light goes out, plug it out. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
Red light out, plug out. Cathy love... | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
..what am I going to do about Dermot and Maria? | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
I think you've done enough. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
I have an idea. Cathy, you're training to be a psychologist. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
-Why not give them counselling? -Counselling? | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
-That's not a bad idea, Betty. -No, no, Cathy! | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
-I'll talk to Maria. -I'll see you later, Mrs Brown. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
See you later, Betty. Cathy, Cathy love. Wait a second! | 0:17:50 | 0:17:54 | |
We need to talk about this! You can't just... | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:17:56 | 0:17:57 | |
Cathy! Cathy, love! | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
You're not even qualified to feckin' counsel for God's sake! Cathy! | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Cathy, for God's sake! | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Hello? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:18:12 | 0:18:16 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:18:16 | 0:18:19 | |
Hello? Hell, hell, hello? | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
How do you do, do, do, do do? | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
No, there, there's no O'Brien here... | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
you have, have the wr...wrong number. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
Are you fucking deaf?! | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
Oh, hello, Father Quinn! | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
Hm! Counselling? No counselling in my day. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
You must be joking. If me and your father had problems, we couldn't run to a counsellor! | 0:18:59 | 0:19:04 | |
No way, Jose! | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
We'd sort it out ourselves, like adults! Into a room on our own... | 0:19:06 | 0:19:10 | |
and I'd knock the shite out of him. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
We didn't need a counsellor... | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
We needed a buckin' referee! | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
Well, we're nearly ready to get started. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
Oh, don't mind me. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
I'm just a fly on the wall, a fly on the wall. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:30 | |
Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
Bzz, bzz, bzz. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:33 | |
Tss, tss, tss. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:34 | |
HE COUGHS | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
I think everybody would be more comfortable if you weren't here. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
It's a pity everybody doesn't pay the buckin' rent! | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:19:44 | 0:19:49 | |
All right Mammy, but please...don't interfere. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
Fly, wall, me. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
Bz. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
OK then, let's begin... | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
Badges! | 0:19:59 | 0:20:00 | |
You never gave us our badges! | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
Badges? | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
We're all meant to have badges. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:06 | |
You know, "My name is Agnes Brown. I'm a lunatic!" | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
No, Mammy. You don't get badges. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:13 | |
You're meant to get badges. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:14 | |
You don't, Mammy, and that's the end of it! | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
Fine... you forgot the badges. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
Maria, what do you... | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
I have stickers upstairs! | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
We could use stickers and a marker and write the names on. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
Mammy, please! | 0:20:27 | 0:20:28 | |
I'm only trying to help you out of your badge situation. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
I DON'T HAVE A BADGE SITUATION! | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Well, obviously, because you don't have fuckin' badges! | 0:20:34 | 0:20:37 | |
I did not forget the badges, we're just not having badges. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
Badges would be pointless in this situation, because we don't need them! | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
Cathy, calm down... | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
..you're making something out of nothing! | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
Dermot, you don't need a badge. Maria, need a badge? | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
No, I don't need a badge. Fuck the badges! | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:58 | 0:20:59 | |
Maria... | 0:21:00 | 0:21:01 | |
-what do you think started all of this? -Well... | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
-Miss! Miss! -Mammy, is this you not interfering? | 0:21:05 | 0:21:07 | |
No, it's Sooty in his nude! | 0:21:07 | 0:21:11 | |
I just want to say this is Dermot's home. Dermot should go first. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:17 | |
-Mammy, it doesn't matter who goes first. -Then start with Dermot. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
No, Mammy, I will not start with Dermot. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
Now, if you don't mind, there's a system for doing this. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
-Is there? -Yeah! -Well, how come it doesn't matter who goes first? | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
-I beg your pardon? -You can't have "system" and "doesn't matter" in the same feckin' sentence. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:33 | |
Imagine if that was the system for landing airplanes? | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
And the pilot coming in to land says, | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
"Excuse me captain...captain... | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
"whatever your name is, cos we've no fuckin' badges." | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
"Are the wheels down? | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
"Oh, it doesn't matter!" | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
BOOF! | 0:21:50 | 0:21:51 | |
That wouldn't that be a nice way for the Hoolihans to start their two weeks in Fuengerola! | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
-Do you know what, Mammy? -What? | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
You do this every time. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
Ah, don't exaggerate, I never flew an airplane in me buckin' life. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:05 | |
You mess everything up when I try to do my own thing! | 0:22:06 | 0:22:10 | |
-You're getting paranoid. -Am I? -Yes! | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
Well, what about Teddy Brannigan? | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
Teddy Brannigan? | 0:22:16 | 0:22:18 | |
-That was a long time ago. -Yes, it was, but you still remember it, don't you? | 0:22:19 | 0:22:23 | |
Oh, I remember, all right. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:24 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:22:24 | 0:22:28 | |
You were sixteen years of age! | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
Not a titty to your name. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
I was going to get you glasses so people would know which way you were facing! | 0:22:32 | 0:22:36 | |
The neighbours used to say, "Here comes Cathy Brown with the two backs". | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
Teddy Brannigan used to go up and down our road at two o'clock in the morning, | 0:22:47 | 0:22:51 | |
"Neeeeow, neeeeeow, brrm." | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
If he got a motorbike, he'd be dangerous! | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
And you, running behind him with your helmet on you! | 0:22:58 | 0:23:02 | |
I was in love! | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Love, my arse! What would you know about love at sixteen? | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
Especially to a thug like that. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
Oh, Mammy, if you had your way, I'd never get a man! | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
It'd help if you'd stop electrocuting 'em! | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
I saved you! | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
-You saved me? -Don't try and thank me now! | 0:23:20 | 0:23:22 | |
I'm not thanking you. I don't know what you're talking about! | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
-You wouldn't have been happy! -Well, I'm not happy now, so there! | 0:23:25 | 0:23:29 | |
You should talk to yourself and leave them alone! | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
-Jesus Christ! -Jesus Christ, yourself! | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
You won't even let me... | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
THEY ARGUE | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
LOOK! | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
-This is a waste of time! -Is it? | 0:23:40 | 0:23:43 | |
Mammy, it's not just Teddy Brannigan, is it? | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
No man I ever meet will be good enough for you, will they? | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
Where did I leave my violin? | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
-I'm going to me room. -Go to your room... Oh, Jesus! | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
How could you do that? | 0:23:54 | 0:23:55 | |
How could you beat your mother? | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
I brushed off you! | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
You beat me! Oh, my Jesus... | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
It's gone dead! | 0:24:03 | 0:24:04 | |
It's gone dead, look, it's feckin' dead! Look it's feckin'... | 0:24:07 | 0:24:10 | |
Oh, Cathy, I can't turn left! | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
It's spreading... Oh! | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:16 | 0:24:18 | |
Jesus Christ, I've gone blind! | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
-Cathy! -I'm going! -Is she still there? | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
This is ridiculous! | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
Cathy! Cathy, wait! Cathy, please... | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
Cathy, let me explain! | 0:24:46 | 0:24:47 | |
Cathy... | 0:24:47 | 0:24:48 | |
Cath... | 0:24:49 | 0:24:50 | |
Don't bring me up them feckin' stairs! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
You saw that, now. I was minding my own business | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
and she feckin' attacked me! | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
This is because she forgot the feckin' badges. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
I tell you now, if Jesus Christ appears to me and asks me to sacrifice a child... | 0:25:05 | 0:25:09 | |
she's fuckin' gone! | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
Well, I feel much better after that. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
So do I. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:21 | |
I'm so sorry, Maria. | 0:25:23 | 0:25:24 | |
No, Dermot, look I'm sorry. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:25 | |
I shouldn't have made a big deal about us moving in. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
Yes, you should! | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
You were right, Maria. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:32 | |
You mean you want us to live together? | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
-On one condition. -What? | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
-Will you marry me, Maria? -Oh, yeah I will. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
Right! | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
Let's go down to Foley's and tell everyone! Haha! | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
-I thought that went well. -Yeah, Mammy, it did, it was a great idea. -Thanks, love. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:08 | |
I'll get you a cup of tea. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
BANGING | 0:26:11 | 0:26:12 | |
I swear that man thinks I'm on a feckin' bungee rope! | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
What do you want now? | 0:26:18 | 0:26:19 | |
'I think I'm dying!' | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
Yeah? Well, call me when you're sure. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
Go up and see what's wrong with him will you, Cathy? | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
Tell him if he doesn't behave, I'll come and take his temperature! | 0:26:28 | 0:26:31 | |
Cathy! | 0:26:31 | 0:26:32 | |
Here, love, that's for you. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
What's this? | 0:26:38 | 0:26:39 | |
Encyclopaedia Britannica. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
It's a phone number. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:45 | |
Yes, it's Teddy Brannigan's phone number. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:48 | |
You know I don't like gossip, but I was down at me yoga classes and... | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
..I was levitating beside Mary Matthews and... | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
she was talking about Teddy Brannigan. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
His wife shagged off on him, left him with two young kids, two years ago. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:05 | |
It's not easy on your own with young children, and I know that. And I... | 0:27:06 | 0:27:10 | |
I thought a phone call might cheer him up. | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
You know you get a phone call sometimes, "Hello? | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
"Oh, Jesus I'm cheered up!" | 0:27:15 | 0:27:16 | |
Anyway that's his number... | 0:27:18 | 0:27:21 | |
-Thank you, Mammy. -You're welcome! | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
I mean it, Mammy. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:30 | |
Really. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:34 | |
Thank you. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:36 | |
I know you do. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:38 | |
That...that's what we do, love... | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
mothers... | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
that's what we feckin' do. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:46 | |
That's it, I suppose, you know. I'm not a cleaner, or a businesswoman. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:59 | |
I'm a mother. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
And, and that's what we do. That! | 0:28:03 | 0:28:06 | |
He's still a buckin' thug! | 0:28:08 | 0:28:11 | |
Who are you talking to, Mammy? | 0:28:13 | 0:28:15 | |
Nobody. Just meself, you know. Nobody important. | 0:28:16 | 0:28:19 | |
Goodnight. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:26 | |
# Say hello to the Queen of Dublin Town | 0:28:26 | 0:28:33 | |
# As the best mum of all | 0:28:33 | 0:28:35 | |
# She wears a crown | 0:28:35 | 0:28:38 | |
# Mother hen watching over chicks | 0:28:38 | 0:28:41 | |
# A sassy old lady full of tricks | 0:28:41 | 0:28:45 | |
# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down | 0:28:45 | 0:28:50 | |
# She's Mrs Brown | 0:28:50 | 0:28:53 | |
# That's Mrs Brown... # | 0:28:53 | 0:28:57 | |
Email [email protected] | 0:28:57 | 0:29:00 |