The Mammy Mrs Brown's Boys


The Mammy

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Transcript


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This programme contains strong language and adult humour

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Hahahahaha!

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Ladies and gentlemen...

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welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.

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# She's Mrs Brown

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# That's Mrs Brown

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# Oh, Mrs Brown... #

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What's wrong with you, Granddad?

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I haven't slept for three days.

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Hello!

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I'm just doing a bit of cleaning.

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I'm just about to take a break.

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God, I say cleaning like it was a hobby. It's not.

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DOG BARKS

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Shut up, you feckin' mutt!

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LAUGHTER

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I...I'd better feed him. Hold on.

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Here, Spartacus!

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LAUGHTER

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SPARTACUS WHINES

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When I... Jesus, I never opened the feckin' thing!

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LAUGHTER

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Here, Spartacus!

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LAUGHTER

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SPARTACUS GROWLS

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I had six children I reared on my own and they weren't as much trouble as you!

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Where was I? Oh, yeah...

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cleaning!

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Well, it's not as if it goes unnoticed.

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I had Father Quinn round the other day...

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he took one look at the house and said,

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"Mrs Brown, yourself and God keep a lovely home".

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I said "Thank you, Father" but I'm thinking,

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"You should see it when God has it on his own!"

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LAUGHTER

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I feel like I've always been cleaning.

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When I was 18, I married his son, Redser Brown,

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because of a condition I had...

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called pregnancy.

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LAUGHTER

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The next day, I started cleaning.

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-Hiya, Mammy!

-Hello, Cathy, love.

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Ah! Granddad looks peaceful.

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Doesn't he! Hahaha!

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LAUGHTER

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Heading out on the big date, love?

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It's not a big date, Mammy. It's just a quiet drink.

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Quiet drink! That's what all men say.

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They think vodka's a lubricant to get your knickers off easy.

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LAUGHTER

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You may laugh, but I tell you, one minute you're sipping Piney Coladies, next...

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your legs are up in stirrups with the doctor shouting, "Don't push till I tell you!".

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I'll keep that in mind, so!

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-You do that.

-Ah, why do I bother?

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-Right, I'm off!

-Do you want a cup of tea before you go, love?

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No, Mammy. Sure, I'm running late.

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Don't be breaking your neck, he'll be feckin' late as well.

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Did Daddy always come late?

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LAUGHTER

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That's none of your feckin' business!

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LAUGHTER

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See you later!

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-Cathy, love!

-Yes, Mammy?

-You look fantastic!

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Thanks, Mammy.

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Keep them on!

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LAUGHTER

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I...I'm not just a cleaner.

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I have a market stall as well.

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I sell fruit and vegetables. I suppose I'm a business woman! Ha ha ha.

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I don't like customers who come and just poke.

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They come and maul your fruit without any feckin' reason whatsoever.

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I say to them, "Missus, that's a banana, not a willy..."

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LAUGHTER

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"..it won't get bigger if you squeeze it!"

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LAUGHTER

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Hahaha! Hahaha!

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There goes Happy Feet!

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LAUGHTER

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I better go in and see what's happening in the North Pole.

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Hello, Dermot, son.

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-Hello, Mammy.

-What are you promoting this week?

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-Chocolate biscuits.

-Oh, lovely...

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what kind?

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LAUGHTER

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Kit Kats!

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LAUGHTER

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Dermot, love...

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quack, quack, quack, quack!

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LAUGHTER

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What's wrong, love? Why are you such a sad little penguin?

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You're not in trouble with the law again, are you?

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No, Mammy, it's Maria.

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-Ah, the lovely Maria.

-We've broken up.

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Bitch! Never liked her!

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LAUGHTER

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-What did she do?

-She's not a bitch, Ma.

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-And she didn't do anything, it's just...

-Yes?

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..to be honest Mammy, I'd rather not talk about it right now.

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I understand...

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so what happened?

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Mammy! I'm not talking about it!

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Fine...

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-Do you want a cup of tea?

-No, I'm only on a quick break.

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Well, if it's only a quick break, you should slip into the fridge and relax!

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Hahahahaha! Slip into the... Hahaha!

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LAUGHTER

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THUMP!

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LAUGHTER

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-It's very late to be studying.

-Hi, Mammy.

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I can't sleep, worrying about Dermot and Maria.

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Cathy...

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you amaze me the amount of work and persistence you put into everything you feckin' do.

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And I know I'm biased... you're my only daughter

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..but the man who gets you will be... he'll be the luckiest man on earth.

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Not bad for a widow bringing up a girl on her own, hey?

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Am I right?

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Sorry, Mammy?

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LAUGHTER

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Nothing, it doesn't matter.

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Cathy, what am I going to do about Dermot and Maria?

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Mammy...it's best if we all just butt out and let them sort it out themselves.

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BANG! BANG! BANG!

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What do you want, Granddad?

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I don't feel well.

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You're 92, you're not supposed to fuckin' feel well!

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LAUGHTER

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-Mammy!

-What?

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Maybe he really is sick.

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Don't take any chances. Call the doctor!

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A doctor? At 80 euro a visit?!

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He's no health insurance. At least he's insured for a funeral.

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Mammy!

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Fine. I'll call the doctor.

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-This is all because of his feckin' budgie!

-His budgie?

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Found him dead today.

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Well, he must be upset.

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He's at that age, love.

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His budgie dies, he's sure he's going to be next.

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LAUGHTER

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With a bit of buckin' luck!

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LAUGHTER

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It's a sharp pain across the shoulders and down the spine.

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-How long has he had it?

-Not him... ME!

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LAUGHTER

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Mrs Brown, I'm here to examine Granddad.

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You're wasting your time with him, he's fucked.

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LAUGHTER

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Only a matter of time, isn't it, Granddad?

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Am I dying?

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Yes...Friday!

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LAUGHTER

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What's wrong with him, anyway?

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I'll have to run some tests.

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Tests! More feckin' money!

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I'll need a sample of his urine, and a sample of his stool.

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LAUGHTER

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What'd he say?

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He wants your underpants.

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LAUGHTER

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Granddad, I need you to close your mouth when I put it in.

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Hahahahaha!

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He's never heard that before!

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LAUGHTER

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I'm afraid I'll have to do a rectal reading.

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Ooh!

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Can you help me?

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With buckin' pleasure!

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LAUGHTER

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Come on, Granddad!

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The doctor has a surprise for you!

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LAUGHTER

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Oooooh! Ooh hoo hoo!

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# Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! #

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LAUGHTER

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Would you like a cup of tea, Doctor?

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-I wouldn't mind another one of these.

-It's in the kitchen.

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Hahahahaha!

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LAUGHTER

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I'll get you a cup of tea, Granddad.

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I wish you could see it from this side!

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You look like a big buckin' toffee apple.

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LAUGHTER

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Oooooooh!

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Granddad! What are you doing there in that state? Come on... fix yourself!

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Now, sit down.

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No!

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-Granddad! Come on, sit down.

-No! No! No!

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Arrrgh!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Now...

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..now, Granddad, isn't that much better?

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LAUGHTER

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-Granddad!

-Hahahahaha!

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What are you doing?

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Come on, Granddad. Now we're going to play Treasure Hunt!

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LAUGHTER

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No, Mrs Brown. I'm afraid it's gone.

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Gone?! I'm not paying for that!

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Now, wait a minute...er, gone?

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Arrgh!

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Is that bad? Is that dangerous?

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Get him to hospital today.

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We'll explore the cavity then.

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-Explore the cavity!

-What?

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He's going potholing!

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LAUGHTER

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-Goodbye, Mrs Brown.

-Goodbye, Doctor.

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Now you've heard of "Doctor Dolittle"...

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there goes "Doctor Do-Fuck-All"!

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LAUGHTER

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You're going to hospital, Granddad...

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and you're not coming fuckin' back.

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LAUGHTER

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-Mammy.

-Yes, love?

-Did you see me Psychology magazine?

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-I left it down here last night.

-No and if you left it on that chair,

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it's probably up his arse!

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LAUGHTER

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Arse like a buckin' Dyson he has!

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LAUGHTER

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Cathy, there has to be something I can do about Dermot and Maria.

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Mammy...

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-..as I said, we all need to just butt out.

-I want to be involved...

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I want to be a leader! Like your man in Iran,

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'Mock Mood Momamma Jibbidi Get It Back Up Again'.

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LAUGHTER

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Mammy, of all people you stay out of this. I mean it.

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Promise me you won't interfere.

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OK!

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Me? Interfere?

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LAUGHTER

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-Biscuit, Maria?

-Thank you.

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Ah, I cut the edges off so they fit in the mug.

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LAUGHTER

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Oh. I see.

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So, Maria, why are you torturing my son?

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Excuse me?

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Well, you've obviously done something to upset him.

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How can we make it right?

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Maybe if you apologise?

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Me? Apologise?

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That's the spirit, love!

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Mrs Brown, I have no idea what Dermot has told you about what's going on, but...

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maybe I should say I'm sorry all right, sorry I ever met him,

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sorry I allowed myself to fall in love with him and sorry I ever got involved with his family.

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And sorry that he has to put up with such a domineering matriarch as you!

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I was hoping for something shorter!

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-Dermot, you're home, just in time. Maria has something she wants to tell you.

-You have?

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Yeah! I hope you and your mother will be very happy together!

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-Keep it short! Keep it short!

-Now get stuffed!

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LAUGHTER

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DOOR SLAMS

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Do you want a cup of tea, love?

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What the hell happened here, Mammy?

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What the hell happened? She came here, sat down,

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nibbled the biscuits and dunk...

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I don't know what to...

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She meant... What is this side... So she...

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I'm here... Oh, yeah, wuzzah... And she said...

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Don't you muck! Eh!

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Ohhh! Zem! Nice! You keep away! Uzzah!

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It's no wonder you dumped her!

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LAUGHTER

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I didn't dump HER. She broke up with me, because I wouldn't move in with her.

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-Leave home?

-Yes! She wants us to move in together.

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It's far too early for that!

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I'm 33.

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Exactly!

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Mammy, I wish you'd stay out of things and for once...

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mind your own business!

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You are my business!

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I'm...your mother...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Awww.

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It's a man in a fuckin' dress!

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LAUGHTER

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Here, Cathy...

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I believe your date was a disaster.

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I wouldn't say that, Winnie!

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You're better off, Cathy.

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Men, preverts!

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LAUGHTER

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They all look for one thing, and don't need a com-pass!

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LAUGHTER

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Will you stop it, Mammy! He wanted to go out and have a talk.

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Oh, a talk... yeah! Talk about doin' it!

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LAUGHTER

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-Mammy...

-Hold on, where's me handbag?

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Feckin' hang on.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Me tablets are in it.

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LAUGHTER

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Mammy, my date was not a disaster!

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-Well, when are you seeing him again?

-I'm not.

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Disaster!

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LAUGHTER

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My Sharon's got herself a new...

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yoke.

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Boyfriend, Mrs McGoogan. I've met him and he's very nice.

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One of the usual weirdos Sharon picks?

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-Actually he's a gentleman.

-Gentleman, Betty?

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-And what would you call a gentleman?

-I dunno.

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-Opens the door for you?

-Mmmm.

-Takes your coat off when you go in?

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-Mmmmm.

-Pulls the chair out when you go to sit down.

-Aye!

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Dirty bastard!

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LAUGHTER

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That's all put on!

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He just wants to play hide the sausage!

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LAUGHTER

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Will you stop it, Mammy.

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Not all men are sex maniacs!

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Yes, they are!

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-They are!

-Aren't they, Winnie?

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Only last year, me and Winnie went to that film festival, The "Cock-a-Coh".

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Uh, what's the one with the...

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the motorbike and the swords and..

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-Radiator!

-Gladiator!

-The Graduate!

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LAUGHTER

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We looked great with our Liverpool hairdos.

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I had mine like Cilla Black,

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she had hers like fuckin' Ken Dodd.

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LAUGHTER

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We went to that picture house and were only five minutes there...

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-Five minutes.

-..sitting down.

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I can't...I can't say it! I'm too embarrassed. You tell them.

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-Well, this...

-..fella came over and sat beside Winnie, right beside her.

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-Right beside me!

-Right beside her!

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Five minutes later, what's he do? What's he do?

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-He takes his willy out...

-Out!

-Out!

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Oh, my God.

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The dirty bastard!...

0:14:280:14:30

Winnie says to me, "Look, look Agnes!"

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Well, I glanced... I only feckin' glanced!

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LAUGHTER

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-Oh, my God!

-What?

-He was playing with it!

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-Poor Winnie was disgusted.

-I was disgusted.

-She was disgusted!

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-Well, why didn't you move?

-We couldn't move!

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He was using Winnie's hand.

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I'm only joking, Winnie!

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Oh, Jesus!

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Well, here...

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..it's because of weirdos like him that I carry this.

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Jesus!

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Jesus Christ! What's that?

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It's a Tazer gun. If it was me he sat beside, I'd give him one jab of this and he'd be electrocuted.

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And she wonders why she can't get a man.

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Vibrators!

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I beg your pardon, Winnie?

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Well, nowadays, that's what the women do get, them vibrators!

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Shut the buck up, Winnie!

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Honest, Agnes, they do!

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I think I might get one meself!

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Well, make sure you get one that takes diesel!

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Can you imagine her with a vibrator?

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"Winnie, are you coming to Bingo on the bus?

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"No, I'm on a vibrator!"

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Hahahaha!

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Oh, Winnie, stop that feckin' dirty talk!

0:16:000:16:04

Hello? Yes? Is that Out Patients?

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I'm enquiring about Mr Brown.

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Brow-we-nuh.

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..Up his arse, that's him, yes.

0:16:150:16:17

Very generous? Why, what did he do?

0:16:190:16:22

Nurse, is he near you? Put him on the phone will you, please?

0:16:230:16:26

For God's sake, feckin' eejit.

0:16:260:16:29

Hello Granddad. Yes, did you fill out a form there this morning?

0:16:290:16:32

Yeah. What did you tick off on it?

0:16:330:16:35

Kidneys...

0:16:360:16:38

heart...

0:16:380:16:40

liver...

0:16:400:16:41

that was a donor form!

0:16:410:16:43

No, it wasn't the feckin' breakfast menu!

0:16:450:16:47

Well, you go back to her and make sure you get all the bits you went in with!

0:16:490:16:54

I swear that man is getting feckin' worse every day!

0:16:540:16:57

-Mammy?

-What?

0:16:570:16:59

I really enjoyed those few drinks we had last night!

0:16:590:17:02

-You had enough of them!

-Yeah, one more vodka and I'd have been under that table!

0:17:020:17:06

One more pint of cider and I'd have been under that buckin' barman!

0:17:060:17:09

-You wouldn't, would you, Mrs Brown?

-Don't be ridiculous, Betty!

0:17:110:17:14

It's so long since I had sex, I can't even remember who it is that gets tied up!

0:17:140:17:19

Here, we'll miss the shops.

0:17:190:17:21

-You all right, Cathy?

-Yeah!

0:17:210:17:23

Mammy...

0:17:250:17:26

keep an eye on me Tazer for me will you, it's charging.

0:17:260:17:28

When the red light goes out, plug it out.

0:17:280:17:30

Red light out, plug out. Cathy love...

0:17:300:17:33

..what am I going to do about Dermot and Maria?

0:17:350:17:37

I think you've done enough.

0:17:370:17:39

I have an idea. Cathy, you're training to be a psychologist.

0:17:400:17:43

-Why not give them counselling?

-Counselling?

0:17:430:17:45

-That's not a bad idea, Betty.

-No, no, Cathy!

0:17:450:17:48

-I'll talk to Maria.

-I'll see you later, Mrs Brown.

0:17:480:17:50

See you later, Betty. Cathy, Cathy love. Wait a second!

0:17:500:17:54

We need to talk about this! You can't just...

0:17:540:17:56

PHONE RINGS

0:17:560:17:57

Cathy! Cathy, love!

0:17:570:17:59

You're not even qualified to feckin' counsel for God's sake! Cathy!

0:17:590:18:02

PHONE RINGS

0:18:020:18:04

Cathy, for God's sake!

0:18:040:18:06

Hello?

0:18:060:18:08

PHONE RINGS

0:18:120:18:16

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:18:160:18:19

Hello? Hell, hell, hello?

0:18:280:18:30

How do you do, do, do, do do?

0:18:300:18:32

No, there, there's no O'Brien here...

0:18:340:18:36

you have, have the wr...wrong number.

0:18:360:18:39

Are you fucking deaf?!

0:18:390:18:41

Oh, hello, Father Quinn!

0:18:420:18:44

LAUGHTER

0:18:440:18:46

Hm! Counselling? No counselling in my day.

0:18:560:18:59

You must be joking. If me and your father had problems, we couldn't run to a counsellor!

0:18:590:19:04

No way, Jose!

0:19:040:19:06

We'd sort it out ourselves, like adults! Into a room on our own...

0:19:060:19:10

and I'd knock the shite out of him.

0:19:100:19:12

We didn't need a counsellor...

0:19:150:19:17

We needed a buckin' referee!

0:19:170:19:19

Well, we're nearly ready to get started.

0:19:210:19:23

Oh, don't mind me.

0:19:240:19:26

I'm just a fly on the wall, a fly on the wall.

0:19:260:19:30

Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz.

0:19:300:19:32

Bzz, bzz, bzz.

0:19:320:19:33

Tss, tss, tss.

0:19:330:19:34

HE COUGHS

0:19:340:19:36

LAUGHTER

0:19:360:19:39

I think everybody would be more comfortable if you weren't here.

0:19:390:19:42

It's a pity everybody doesn't pay the buckin' rent!

0:19:420:19:44

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:19:440:19:49

All right Mammy, but please...don't interfere.

0:19:490:19:52

Fly, wall, me.

0:19:520:19:54

Bz.

0:19:540:19:56

OK then, let's begin...

0:19:570:19:59

Badges!

0:19:590:20:00

You never gave us our badges!

0:20:010:20:03

Badges?

0:20:030:20:05

We're all meant to have badges.

0:20:050:20:06

You know, "My name is Agnes Brown. I'm a lunatic!"

0:20:060:20:08

LAUGHTER

0:20:080:20:10

No, Mammy. You don't get badges.

0:20:100:20:13

You're meant to get badges.

0:20:130:20:14

You don't, Mammy, and that's the end of it!

0:20:140:20:16

Fine... you forgot the badges.

0:20:160:20:18

Maria, what do you...

0:20:200:20:22

I have stickers upstairs!

0:20:220:20:24

We could use stickers and a marker and write the names on.

0:20:240:20:27

Mammy, please!

0:20:270:20:28

I'm only trying to help you out of your badge situation.

0:20:280:20:32

I DON'T HAVE A BADGE SITUATION!

0:20:320:20:34

Well, obviously, because you don't have fuckin' badges!

0:20:340:20:37

I did not forget the badges, we're just not having badges.

0:20:370:20:40

Badges would be pointless in this situation, because we don't need them!

0:20:400:20:44

LAUGHTER

0:20:450:20:47

Cathy, calm down...

0:20:470:20:49

..you're making something out of nothing!

0:20:500:20:52

Dermot, you don't need a badge. Maria, need a badge?

0:20:520:20:55

No, I don't need a badge. Fuck the badges!

0:20:550:20:58

LAUGHTER

0:20:580:20:59

Maria...

0:21:000:21:01

-what do you think started all of this?

-Well...

0:21:020:21:05

-Miss! Miss!

-Mammy, is this you not interfering?

0:21:050:21:07

No, it's Sooty in his nude!

0:21:070:21:11

I just want to say this is Dermot's home. Dermot should go first.

0:21:120:21:17

-Mammy, it doesn't matter who goes first.

-Then start with Dermot.

0:21:170:21:20

No, Mammy, I will not start with Dermot.

0:21:200:21:23

Now, if you don't mind, there's a system for doing this.

0:21:230:21:25

-Is there?

-Yeah!

-Well, how come it doesn't matter who goes first?

0:21:250:21:28

-I beg your pardon?

-You can't have "system" and "doesn't matter" in the same feckin' sentence.

0:21:280:21:33

Imagine if that was the system for landing airplanes?

0:21:330:21:36

And the pilot coming in to land says,

0:21:360:21:38

"Excuse me captain...captain...

0:21:380:21:40

"whatever your name is, cos we've no fuckin' badges."

0:21:400:21:43

LAUGHTER

0:21:430:21:45

"Are the wheels down?

0:21:450:21:47

"Oh, it doesn't matter!"

0:21:470:21:49

BOOF!

0:21:500:21:51

That wouldn't that be a nice way for the Hoolihans to start their two weeks in Fuengerola!

0:21:530:21:57

-Do you know what, Mammy?

-What?

0:21:570:21:59

You do this every time.

0:21:590:22:02

Ah, don't exaggerate, I never flew an airplane in me buckin' life.

0:22:020:22:05

You mess everything up when I try to do my own thing!

0:22:060:22:10

-You're getting paranoid.

-Am I?

-Yes!

0:22:100:22:12

Well, what about Teddy Brannigan?

0:22:120:22:14

Teddy Brannigan?

0:22:160:22:18

-That was a long time ago.

-Yes, it was, but you still remember it, don't you?

0:22:190:22:23

Oh, I remember, all right.

0:22:230:22:24

LAUGHTER

0:22:240:22:28

You were sixteen years of age!

0:22:280:22:30

Not a titty to your name.

0:22:300:22:32

I was going to get you glasses so people would know which way you were facing!

0:22:320:22:36

The neighbours used to say, "Here comes Cathy Brown with the two backs".

0:22:410:22:45

Teddy Brannigan used to go up and down our road at two o'clock in the morning,

0:22:470:22:51

"Neeeeow, neeeeeow, brrm."

0:22:510:22:53

If he got a motorbike, he'd be dangerous!

0:22:530:22:55

And you, running behind him with your helmet on you!

0:22:580:23:02

I was in love!

0:23:020:23:04

Love, my arse! What would you know about love at sixteen?

0:23:040:23:07

Especially to a thug like that.

0:23:070:23:09

Oh, Mammy, if you had your way, I'd never get a man!

0:23:090:23:12

It'd help if you'd stop electrocuting 'em!

0:23:120:23:14

I saved you!

0:23:160:23:18

-You saved me?

-Don't try and thank me now!

0:23:200:23:22

I'm not thanking you. I don't know what you're talking about!

0:23:220:23:25

-You wouldn't have been happy!

-Well, I'm not happy now, so there!

0:23:250:23:29

You should talk to yourself and leave them alone!

0:23:290:23:31

-Jesus Christ!

-Jesus Christ, yourself!

0:23:310:23:34

You won't even let me...

0:23:340:23:36

THEY ARGUE

0:23:360:23:38

LOOK!

0:23:380:23:40

-This is a waste of time!

-Is it?

0:23:400:23:43

Mammy, it's not just Teddy Brannigan, is it?

0:23:430:23:45

No man I ever meet will be good enough for you, will they?

0:23:450:23:48

Where did I leave my violin?

0:23:480:23:51

-I'm going to me room.

-Go to your room... Oh, Jesus!

0:23:510:23:54

How could you do that?

0:23:540:23:55

How could you beat your mother?

0:23:560:23:59

I brushed off you!

0:23:590:24:01

You beat me! Oh, my Jesus...

0:24:010:24:03

It's gone dead!

0:24:030:24:04

It's gone dead, look, it's feckin' dead! Look it's feckin'...

0:24:070:24:10

Oh, Cathy, I can't turn left!

0:24:100:24:12

It's spreading... Oh!

0:24:120:24:14

LAUGHTER

0:24:160:24:18

Jesus Christ, I've gone blind!

0:24:280:24:31

-Cathy!

-I'm going!

-Is she still there?

0:24:360:24:39

This is ridiculous!

0:24:390:24:41

Cathy! Cathy, wait! Cathy, please...

0:24:430:24:46

Cathy, let me explain!

0:24:460:24:47

Cathy...

0:24:470:24:48

Cath...

0:24:490:24:50

Don't bring me up them feckin' stairs!

0:24:510:24:54

You saw that, now. I was minding my own business

0:24:550:24:58

and she feckin' attacked me!

0:24:580:25:01

This is because she forgot the feckin' badges.

0:25:010:25:03

I tell you now, if Jesus Christ appears to me and asks me to sacrifice a child...

0:25:050:25:09

she's fuckin' gone!

0:25:090:25:11

Well, I feel much better after that.

0:25:160:25:19

So do I.

0:25:200:25:21

I'm so sorry, Maria.

0:25:230:25:24

No, Dermot, look I'm sorry.

0:25:240:25:25

I shouldn't have made a big deal about us moving in.

0:25:260:25:29

Yes, you should!

0:25:290:25:31

You were right, Maria.

0:25:310:25:32

You mean you want us to live together?

0:25:320:25:34

-On one condition.

-What?

0:25:350:25:37

-Will you marry me, Maria?

-Oh, yeah I will.

0:25:420:25:45

Right!

0:25:460:25:48

Let's go down to Foley's and tell everyone! Haha!

0:25:500:25:53

-I thought that went well.

-Yeah, Mammy, it did, it was a great idea.

-Thanks, love.

0:26:030:26:08

I'll get you a cup of tea.

0:26:090:26:11

BANGING

0:26:110:26:12

I swear that man thinks I'm on a feckin' bungee rope!

0:26:120:26:15

What do you want now?

0:26:180:26:19

'I think I'm dying!'

0:26:190:26:21

Yeah? Well, call me when you're sure.

0:26:210:26:23

Go up and see what's wrong with him will you, Cathy?

0:26:250:26:28

Tell him if he doesn't behave, I'll come and take his temperature!

0:26:280:26:31

Cathy!

0:26:310:26:32

Here, love, that's for you.

0:26:360:26:38

What's this?

0:26:380:26:39

Encyclopaedia Britannica.

0:26:390:26:41

It's a phone number.

0:26:440:26:45

Yes, it's Teddy Brannigan's phone number.

0:26:450:26:48

You know I don't like gossip, but I was down at me yoga classes and...

0:26:510:26:54

..I was levitating beside Mary Matthews and...

0:26:570:26:59

she was talking about Teddy Brannigan.

0:26:590:27:01

His wife shagged off on him, left him with two young kids, two years ago.

0:27:010:27:05

It's not easy on your own with young children, and I know that. And I...

0:27:060:27:10

I thought a phone call might cheer him up.

0:27:100:27:12

You know you get a phone call sometimes, "Hello?

0:27:120:27:15

"Oh, Jesus I'm cheered up!"

0:27:150:27:16

Anyway that's his number...

0:27:180:27:21

-Thank you, Mammy.

-You're welcome!

0:27:240:27:26

I mean it, Mammy.

0:27:290:27:30

Really.

0:27:330:27:34

Thank you.

0:27:350:27:36

I know you do.

0:27:360:27:38

That...that's what we do, love...

0:27:410:27:43

mothers...

0:27:430:27:45

that's what we feckin' do.

0:27:450:27:46

That's it, I suppose, you know. I'm not a cleaner, or a businesswoman.

0:27:550:27:59

I'm a mother.

0:28:000:28:02

And, and that's what we do. That!

0:28:030:28:06

He's still a buckin' thug!

0:28:080:28:11

Who are you talking to, Mammy?

0:28:130:28:15

Nobody. Just meself, you know. Nobody important.

0:28:160:28:19

Goodnight.

0:28:240:28:26

# Say hello to the Queen of Dublin Town

0:28:260:28:33

# As the best mum of all

0:28:330:28:35

# She wears a crown

0:28:350:28:38

# Mother hen watching over chicks

0:28:380:28:41

# A sassy old lady full of tricks

0:28:410:28:45

# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down

0:28:450:28:50

# She's Mrs Brown

0:28:500:28:53

# That's Mrs Brown... #

0:28:530:28:57

Email [email protected]

0:28:570:29:00

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