Browse content similar to Christmas Special 2016. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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BIRDS TWEET | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Why not let Ben drive? | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
OK, OK. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
It's a quiet road. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
What could happen? | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
Yes, OK. Why isn't anyone answering? | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
She's still just sitting in her car. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
Are you sure you're all right? | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
I'm fine, thank you. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
I think Karen might have post traumatic shock. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:41 | |
You can get that after a crash. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
No, you're OK. She's on Instagram - | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
the symptoms are very similar. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
I'm not sure we should call it a crash, more a...clip? | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
It'll be fine. He's actually getting quite confident. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
Will you stop doing that? It's not like he's a complete beginner. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
-KAREN GUFFAWS -Not helpful, Karen. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
I'm not laughing at you. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Zosha has this face-swapping app and she's face-swapped | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
with Delilah's cat. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:04 | |
Well, as long as you're taking no interest in a major family crisis. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
-No. -God. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
The worst possible day to have an accident. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
Is accident the right word? | 0:01:12 | 0:01:13 | |
I mean, given that many neurologists argue that free will is an | 0:01:13 | 0:01:17 | |
illusion, then really there is no such thing as an accident. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
-God's sake. -Hadn't we best go and swap insurance details with her? | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
Hang on, I'm still holding - 24 hour emergency helpline. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
Which 24 hours though? A Tuesday in July. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
So we're just going to spend Boxing Day in a ditch in Hampshire? | 0:01:28 | 0:01:32 | |
We did pass a pub that was open just before Ben's...clip. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:36 | |
Today of all days. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
Sue, can I do something? | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
Kate, you're always such a great help. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
Is that some of him? | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
Oh, maybe. Oh, no, hang on, no. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
That's just some crumbs from those Hobnobs. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
Are you sure you've got the right number? | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
Yeah, cos I got the cheerful Geordie voice saying, | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
"Thank you for calling Super Speed Rescue. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
"We will sort you out in a second." | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Research shows that Geordie voices are the most trusted. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
Yeah, like you'd leave Paul Gascoigne | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
in charge of your finances. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
I'll just grab the wheel if there's any problem. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
You really shouldn't keep saying that stuff, Mum. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
-Thank you, Karen. -Cos she's filming us. -What? | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
And if she goes for compensation she could use that | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
as admissible evidence. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
She's still doing it. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
I'm not having that. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
-Sue. -People are so bloody rude now. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
-Mum... -No, I'm going to go and give her a piece of my mind. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
-Mum... -I'm going to go over there and I'm going to say... | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
Do you need any help with that? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
-Once we get someone to help us get the car out of the ditch we can be on our way. -Come on. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:43 | |
-Ah, Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Merry Christmas. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
Yes! Brilliant! | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
Sorry, no, we've just had the disabled toilet done up | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
just before Christmas. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:58 | |
This will be its first outing, like, you know, so if you need to... | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
Anyway, you folks had a nice Boxing Day? | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
Bleedin' fantastic(!) | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Sorry, really sorry. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
It's just I've been listening to a recorded message | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
for the last half hour | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
and it has exactly the same accent as you and... | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
Hello? Hello, hang on, you're breaking up. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
So what brings you here? | 0:03:20 | 0:03:21 | |
An accident. Do you have Wi-Fi please? | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
-Yeah, the password's on the menu. -Oh, thanks. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
-An accident? -Yeah. Our car's stuck in a ditch. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
You don't have some kind of container that I could put | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
-the contents of this into? -What is it? | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
Grandad. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
It's my father's ashes. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
The container the crematorium gave us broke in the car crash. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
He went everywhere. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
You'd think the crematorium would give you a container | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
that could survive a small car crash, but, no. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Well, that was them all over. The way they rushed us through. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
I swear they played that salsa version of Abide With Me | 0:03:55 | 0:03:59 | |
just because it was quicker. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Not your day, is it? Funeral and a car crash. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Oh, the funeral was months ago. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
He just wanted his ashes scattered at the spot where he met Mum. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
That's so romantic. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
Yeah, on Boxing Day, the day he met her. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
Oh, I wish I'd had the chance to meet him. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
It's probably best you didn't. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
As the dementia got worse he... | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
He had, um... | 0:04:19 | 0:04:20 | |
boundary issues around younger women. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
Well, and older women and, erm, men he thought looked a bit like women. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:29 | |
It's just that on your card here, the one that guarantees to get | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
there in an hour and a half maximum, there is no mention of | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
"except on Boxing Day". | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
Wait, I'll look. Nope. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
No mention of "except if people don't fancy working" either. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
Thinking about your dad? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
No, | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
just remembered about Trump. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
Would you like a coffee? | 0:04:58 | 0:04:59 | |
Anyone else? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
Facetime me in. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
Who are you talking to? | 0:05:03 | 0:05:04 | |
Oh, it's LaPaula's 15th birthday and she's invited over | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
Zephyr, Shazonce, Shamola | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
and Anne. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
Hi, girls. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
Oh, really? | 0:05:13 | 0:05:14 | |
Yes, so sarcasm won't get the tow truck here any quicker? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
So what will? Hyperbole? Bathos? Litotes? | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
Haven't I? | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
Can I do that now? | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
Please? | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
Jill, can I get you a tea or coffee? | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
-No, thank you. -Something stronger? | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
-No, I'm... -Something to eat? | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
No, I'm OK. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
Ow. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
Are you all right? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:46 | |
Did something to my neck in the crash. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. Can we...? | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
Don't say, "sorry". She could use that as an admission of liability. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
-Karen. -If she says you admitted guilt, | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
-you just say you were showing sympathy. -Karen! | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
My advice, don't talk to her. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
-Don't be so... -Bit of a problem. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
Seems that our breakdown cover wasn't renewed. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:08 | |
So how are we going to get to scatter Dad's ashes? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
And what's Angela going to say? | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
Don't worry about your sister. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:15 | |
She's just sitting there in a jacuzzi in California | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
waiting to find fault. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:19 | |
You saw how she was at the funeral. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
"Why did you put him in a Mercedes hearse? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
"He hated the Germans." And how was I supposed to know that they'd | 0:06:24 | 0:06:28 | |
get in that Reverend Schweinsteiger? | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Look, if she can't be bothered to come... | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
No, it's not just Angela. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
-I promised Dad. -I know. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:35 | |
"I promise you I will honour your wishes," that's what I said. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:39 | |
He thought I was that Korean woman but it still counts. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
Look, we will get through it. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:46 | |
We have a family tradition of difficult Christmases. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:50 | |
Ben mistaking that sewage pipe for buried treasure. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:54 | |
Losing Karen in the safari park. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
Ben dropping the frozen turkey on Mum's foot. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Is dropping the right word? I mean, she did actually knock the frozen... | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
Yeah, yeah. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
Anyway, we will find a way of getting there, won't we? | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
-Yeah. Yeah. -We will, Mum. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:07 | |
Well, I'm very grateful you all came, and Karen, I know your friends | 0:07:07 | 0:07:11 | |
have organised a party and you'd really like to be there. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
It's OK, I am there. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:15 | |
Just talking to my mum. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
Aye, it's not easy, honouring the wishes of the deceased. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:22 | |
My dad passed away six months back, left strict instructions. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
What were his wishes? | 0:07:26 | 0:07:27 | |
He wanted his ashes thrown in the face of Mike Ashley. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
Ashes to Ashley, like, you know. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
We took the urn to the Newcastle-Villa match | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
but there was too much security. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
My brother reckons we might get him at the next, erm, | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
Sports Direct AGM. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
BEEPING | 0:07:40 | 0:07:41 | |
Is that one of those fitness trackers? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
Yeah, it's a Christmas present from my wife. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
My ex had one of those. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
She became obsessed about her weight, | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
used to stand naked in front of the bedroom mirror for hours. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
"I'm virtually obese," she'd say, | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
and she was right. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:57 | |
Hey, there's a fella comes in here, he'd get you out of that ditch. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
He's got a tow truck - Billy Spaz. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
Shall I give him a call? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
Yes. Yes, please. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
-Billy Spaz? -You can't say that. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
Well, we're in Clarkson country here aren't we? It's... | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
Well, you'll have to have a word. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
I mean, if no-one challenges that behaviour we'll end up | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
back in the 20th century. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:20 | |
You are absolutely right and we will say something, | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
but can we just wait until Billy... | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
..turns up with his truck? | 0:08:27 | 0:08:28 | |
How about this? Any good? | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
-Uh... -For your dad's ashes. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
I mean, it needs emptying, obviously. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
And you... You'll want the label taken off. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Yeah. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
So, Jill. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
Tea, coffee? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
No, I'm fine, thank you. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:53 | |
Or something to eat then? Nuts? Crisps? Nibbles? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
Thanks, but if I wanted something to eat I'd order it. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
Of course, yeah, of course. I'm... I'm not, erm... | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
Weren't the Paralympics marvellous? | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
I hate the Paralympics. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:11 | |
Right. Yes. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
Because you don't like the way that Paralympians are always | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
portrayed as heroic? | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
No, I don't like sport. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
OK. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Good. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:24 | |
Go on, Taser him. Taser him! | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
That is a video game, isn't it? | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
Whoa. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:29 | |
Those girls aren't drinking, are they? | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
No, no, they're still too hungover from last night. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
That isn't strictly correct. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:37 | |
I've just taken nine steps, it's only counted seven. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
-Fascinating. -Which means when it says... | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
Pete. Do you think we ought to call a taxi, because it's been | 0:09:43 | 0:09:47 | |
over an hour now and that tow truck guy...? | 0:09:47 | 0:09:49 | |
Billy Spaz. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
Yeah. He hasn't turned up. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
I'll call you a taxi. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
Dad, you are going to have to talk to him about that word. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
-It's offensive. -Yes, I know Jake, just not now. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:02 | |
I'll try Kathy, I think she's the only driver out today | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
since Martin breached his non-molestation order. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:09 | |
Hello, is that Kathy? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:10 | |
I think I inhaled some of grandad in the incident, | 0:10:10 | 0:10:14 | |
which is quite interesting in a way cos with every breath | 0:10:14 | 0:10:18 | |
we're inhaling atoms of Aristotle and... | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
and Shakespeare and Einstein. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
I like to think that when I fart, there's some of Hitler in there. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
I can see why you did philosophy at A-Level. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
And psychology, he's really getting into that. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
By the way, if he asks to attach electrodes to your head, | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
just say no. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:35 | |
I'm really sorry, Kate, about all the delays, | 0:10:35 | 0:10:37 | |
we were meant to get you back to your mum's, weren't we? | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
Don't worry about me, I'll give her a call. She might be able to come and get me. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
Isn't she lovely? | 0:10:48 | 0:10:50 | |
I've got a feeling that "Kake" has a great future. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:55 | |
"Kake"? | 0:10:56 | 0:10:57 | |
Kate and Jake. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:58 | |
I mean, I know we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves, but she's so | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
good for him, and one day she's going to make a lovely mum. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
What, grandchildren? | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
I'm going to need at least another 15 years to recover from children. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
Oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm just... | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
I'm going to have to loosen this boot. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
Listen, Dad, | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
Mum is going to have to slow down. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
Well, me and Kate... | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
I think it's over. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:32 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. Why? | 0:11:32 | 0:11:34 | |
Because I'm going to tell her it's over. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
-Oh, you're ending it with her? -Thanks for the vote of confidence. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
No it wasn't that, it was... | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
God, she is going to be devastated. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
No, Kate's tough. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:47 | |
Not Kate, Mum. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:48 | |
Are you absolutely certain you want to call it a day? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
OK. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:57 | |
When are you going to tell her? | 0:12:00 | 0:12:01 | |
I'll... I'll phone her, you know, after Christmas is over. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
-Not Kate, Mum! -Well, you can't tell Mum. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
She's got far too much to worry about | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
and she'll let it slip to Kate. Do you promise you won't tell Mum? | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
Well... | 0:12:11 | 0:12:12 | |
OK. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:14 | |
You folks all right for drinks? | 0:12:14 | 0:12:15 | |
Fine thanks. Actually, no, I'm going to have a whisky. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:18 | |
I can have one, can't I? | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
Of course we can. Two. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
If you knew you were going to end it, | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
why did you invite her for Christmas? | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
I didn't, Mum did. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
Oh, yeah. Anyway you'll have to say something soon. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:33 | |
Yes, I will, OK, I'll call her. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
I mean, I know texting is unacceptable if you've been with | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
someone for more than a month but doing it when she's actually there? | 0:12:38 | 0:12:42 | |
That's savage. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:43 | |
In my day when you were chucking someone | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
you didn't have the virtual option. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
Although one girl dumped me by writing in felt tip | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
on my chest when I was asleep. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
I often wanted to ask her... | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
Actually, Dad, there is something else I've been... | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
SUE LAUGHS | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
Oh, God. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
All right, love? | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Yeah, it's just the accident has upset me. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Actually, I must be pretty stressed cos my pulse is 86. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:12 | |
No, 87. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
Now 88. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:15 | |
I wish I'd bought you socks. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
I wonder if the stress of having a rising pulse rate | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
is causing my pulse rate to rise. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
Yeah. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:22 | |
92. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
93. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
90. 91. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
-96! -Do you think she really is considering a compensation claim? | 0:13:28 | 0:13:32 | |
Hang on a sec, girls. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
Look, she's faking whiplash which is what the uninformed do, | 0:13:34 | 0:13:38 | |
because they don't know that the law was changed in November 2015. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
Neck injuries are no longer a cash cow. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
OK, I'm back. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
I'm not! You're a big cheek. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
Kate always lights up a room, doesn't she? | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
Mm, yeah. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
Very much. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:55 | |
-There you go. -Thank you. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
She's a keeper. | 0:13:58 | 0:13:59 | |
See, what I'd do if I was her is give up on whiplash and go for | 0:14:01 | 0:14:06 | |
some kind of minor brain trauma. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
See, that's where the big cash pay-outs are these days. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
Karen, I think you're being a bit unkind. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
I mean, we don't just assume that disabled people | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
are scroungers of some kind. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
-I don't. -We have to treat her exactly the same as everyone else. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
I am. I'm treating her the same as any other rip-off merchant. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
It's you two that are guilty of...ableness-ism. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
-No, we're not. Are we? -No. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
-No. -Of course we're not. We're being even about things. -Yes, you are. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:32 | |
You're just assuming she's a good person cos she's in a wheelchair. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:35 | |
-Shh! -No, we're not. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
I booked your taxi. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:38 | |
Oh, thanks, you're a life saver. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:39 | |
-Yeah, Kathy says it'll be two to three hours. -What? | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
Though with these new pills she's taking she can't cross bridges | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
so...best allow four. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
Four hours? It'll be dark by then. That's no good. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
Sue, would it be so bad to scatter his ashes on another day? | 0:14:50 | 0:14:54 | |
He left written instructions. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
He was suffering from dementia. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:57 | |
It was the early stages. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
He did ask for the Band of the Grenadier Guards | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
to perform at his funeral. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
That was just silly. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:04 | |
-And Pan's People. -Look. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Scattering his ashes in his special place on his special day is the | 0:15:06 | 0:15:10 | |
only one of his wishes that I CAN honour, so we need to get him there. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:14 | |
Look, Mum, do we? | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
He's dead. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
I'm not being mean, I really liked Grandad, | 0:15:18 | 0:15:21 | |
a lot, but he doesn't exist any more so he won't know. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
So, Ben, if on my deathbed, I asked you to scatter my ashes | 0:15:24 | 0:15:29 | |
in a special place, are you saying you wouldn't agree to that? | 0:15:29 | 0:15:33 | |
-No, no, of course I would. -OK. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
I'd agree to it but I might not do it, | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
unless it was nearby like the garden. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
Well, I wouldn't want you to walk all the way out there when there's | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
a perfectly good waste disposal unit next to the sink. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
This isn't just for Grandad, Ben. It's for Mum. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
Oh, she's achieving closure? Why didn't you just say? | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
We'll find a way, Mum, don't worry. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
Excuse me, what's the Wi-Fi password? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
smashashley123 - all lower case. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:59 | |
Cheers. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Teenagers. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
They're often kind of right in a black and white way. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:08 | |
Mind you the only government run by teenagers was the Khmer Rouge | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
in Cambodia and they killed three million of their own people, so... | 0:16:11 | 0:16:15 | |
Oww. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
Oh, ow. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:18 | |
You all right, Jill? | 0:16:21 | 0:16:22 | |
Yeah, gone a bit dizzy. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
Seeing things double. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
I'll, erm, I'll fetch you a drink. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
Water, or tea, sweet tea, sweet tea's good. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
Must be from the crash when I bumped my head. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
Just have a bit of a sit down. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
Listen, if there's anything we can do, Jill, just let us know. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:44 | |
OK, now you're in trouble. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
She's obviously looked up whiplash on her phone | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
and changed the symptoms. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:52 | |
We need to subpoena her phone and internet records. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
Karen, when you're a little older you'll realise | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
that aggression is not the answer in these situations. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
-Yeah, OK. -Good. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:02 | |
Oh, that's just my dad, yeah. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
Him and Mum are getting turned over by this disabled woman. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
Karen, will you not do... | 0:17:07 | 0:17:08 | |
Pete, listen, why don't you go and have a quiet word with her? | 0:17:08 | 0:17:12 | |
-Why me? -Cos I'm feeling emotional, for Christ sakes. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:15 | |
Maybe we could convince her not to involve the insurance | 0:17:19 | 0:17:22 | |
companies and that way we could both hang on to our no claims bonus. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:26 | |
Yeah, maybe Ben was driving too fast but she definitely | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
-pulled out without stopping. -No, no, she stopped, | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
then she pulled out, that's why Ben swerved to the right. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
-He didn't swerve to the right, he swerved left. -He did swerve to the right. -He sort of went straight on. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:37 | |
-No, he went to stop and then he swerved... -How could he? We drive on the left. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
-No, he swerved to the right. -He's lucky he didn't hit the tractor. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
-Tractor? -What tractor? | 0:17:43 | 0:17:44 | |
-Yeah, there was a tractor. -I'd have noticed a tractor. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
Well, we can't all be right. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
But, interestingly, we can all be wrong. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
This just goes to show, there's no such thing as reality. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
I'll put that on the insurance form, shall I? | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
All that's certain is that the subjective nature | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
of perception means that we all recall different versions of events. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:02 | |
Like when I chased that pig down the escalator. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
Yeah, we can't agree whether we were interviewed | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
by two social workers or three. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
Actually, all that's certain is that you guys need to keep | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
your voices down cos she's filming us again. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
Well, all I know is that Ben is one of the best drivers I've ever seen. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:23 | |
Kate, thanks, but no. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
So, what's the latest? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:32 | |
1,761 calories. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
I wonder if that takes account of my unusually fast metabolism. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
Pete! What's happening with Jill? | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Oh, right. She's not having it. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
She seems to think that she would win any dispute | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
against a 17-year-old with a provisional license. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:47 | |
And I wonder where she got that crazy idea from. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
Oh, any luck with the other taxi firms? | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
Oh, nothing so far. Do you want some grub while you're waiting? | 0:18:52 | 0:18:56 | |
We've got an award-winning chef. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
Chef of the Year three years running in Bucharest. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
Right. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
So will he be allowed to stay, you know, | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
-after Brexit? -Ah, ah, ah. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
We've had four fights in here. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
My ex is still incredibly angry about the vote, | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
and she won. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
Still, she is one of those people for whom, you know, | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
the glass always looks half empty. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
Right, a pessimist? | 0:19:20 | 0:19:21 | |
No, an alcoholic. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
-Katie. -Mum! | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
Put on a bit of weight over Christmas, have we? | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
-Hey. Hi, lovely Jake. -Hi. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
-And this is... -Oh, the Brockmans! Oh. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
Oh, I can't believe it's taken us so long to meet. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:38 | |
Aren't they fabby together? | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
-Fabby. -What happened to your foot? | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
Oh, nothing. It's just one of those frozen turkey-related incidents. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
-You're very young. -Oh, I had kids young. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
Well, there's nothing wrong with that. I was just saying earlier that Kate would make a lovely... | 0:19:48 | 0:19:53 | |
Hi, I'm Pete, lovely to meet you. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:54 | |
You the folks who had the crash? | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
Crash isn't quite the word I'd use. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
Yes, we are. Are you...? | 0:19:58 | 0:20:01 | |
-It's Billy Spaz. -Dad! | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
I towed her in here, few scratches, but she looks fine. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
Brilliant. So we can drive her? | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
Don't see why not. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
I'll tell my lad to unhook her and leave her out front. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
Dad, you have to say something to... About the name thing. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
He's right, it's wrong. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
What's wrong? | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
Well, it's just that we... | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
I think you shouldn't call him Billy Spaz. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:25 | |
-Well, what do you want me to call him? -Well... | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
Who's the Zafira belong to? | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
Cos she's scrap. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:31 | |
The Zafira is ours. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Oh, she's yours? | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
Well, cost you more to fix her than she's worth. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
Sorry. You look like a Volvo man. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
The Volvo's mine. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
-Oh, she's yours. -Can I drive it? | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
Will it be safe to drive with double vision? | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
Oh, do you know, I think it's a bit better now. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
So can I drive it? | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
Well? | 0:20:54 | 0:20:55 | |
Sorry. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:57 | |
Just remembered about Trump. | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
No, she'll be fine. Yeah, so that's 50 quid you owe me. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
Volvo man? | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
It'll have to be a cheque. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
Just make it out to Billy Spaz, with a Z. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
Your name is... | 0:21:09 | 0:21:12 | |
Billy Spaz? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:13 | |
Yeah, it's not like it's hard to remember. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
Old German Jewish name. Yeah. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
Should really be pronounced Shpaaz. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
-Right. -My dad came over on the Kindertransport. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
It's just that your name is sort of... | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
Have you ever thought it might be more sensible to... | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
change your name? | 0:21:30 | 0:21:31 | |
Well, thank you very much. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
But I'm very proud of my Jewish heritage. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
-No, I didn't mean... -Dad! -You told me to. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
Just when you think that sort of prejudice is finally over. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:41 | |
Thank you, Brexit. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:42 | |
Billy! | 0:21:42 | 0:21:43 | |
Sorry, everyone. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
Look, Billy. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
Mr Spaz... | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
Shpaaz... | 0:21:51 | 0:21:52 | |
Well, I was going to offer you a lift somewhere but I think I'll | 0:21:52 | 0:21:55 | |
just get on with the rest of my day. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
Well done, Pete. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
It wasn't... They... I... | 0:21:58 | 0:22:00 | |
If you want to sell your car for scrap, | 0:22:00 | 0:22:02 | |
Phil Nutter over Shellingfield will give you a tenner for it. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
We'll bear that name in mind. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
Nutter. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
The man's name - that can't be wrong, can it? | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
-I don't know, it still... -That man would have given us a lift. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
I could probably squeeze you all in. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
Oh, would you? Oh, thanks, that would be so brilliant. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
-It gives us a chance to get to know each other better. -I hope we're going to see a lot more of you. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:23 | |
Yeah. Is it OK if I just grab a quick sandwich? | 0:22:23 | 0:22:26 | |
-What, now? -Yeah. -All right. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
First customer. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:34 | |
-You are an idiot because you crashed the car. -Boys... | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
He keeps insulting my driving. I could take you right now, so easily. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
-Whatever. -Jake, he could take any of us, | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
with the possible exception of Karen. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
DEEP VOICE: I let you puny weaklings live just for my amusement. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
Put me down! No, we talked about this. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
Put me down. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
Your family are such fun. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
From the outside, yeah. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
Phoenix? Billy Bob? | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
What are you doing? | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
Oh, you remember my mate, Janice? | 0:23:01 | 0:23:03 | |
Was she the one that decided she was a boy? | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
He decided he was a boy. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:06 | |
Well, we're all just chipping in with idea for names. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:09 | |
Right now the front runners are Nimrod and Kevin. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
Oh, yeah, no, sorry, I was just talking to my brother. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
No, no, not the cool one. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
I just wanted to say it's been lovely spending Christmas with you. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:21 | |
It's been lovely for us too, having a young person in the house | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
who doesn't expect us to find their pants. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
Sorry. I probably shouldn't have mentioned your pants. | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
Ah, well, that's fine. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
Yeah, we're only 15 miles from where we scatter the ashes. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
Anyway, I've had a lovely Christmas. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
Us too, we must try and stay in touch. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
Yeah, yeah... | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
Stay in touch? | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
Why wouldn't we stay in touch? | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
Well, we would. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:51 | |
Which is why we mustn't not...stay in touch. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
Jake's splitting up with me, isn't he? | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
No. Definitely not. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
What, so he's told you he isn't splitting up with me? | 0:24:01 | 0:24:05 | |
No, he just looks like he isn't. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
-Is this because of the Canterbury job? -He's got a job? | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
Yes, now, would you tell me the truth, please. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:14 | |
I'd rather not. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:15 | |
Look, if you ask me, he's making a mistake. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
So he is ditching me?! | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
Is there any chance you could not say anything to Jake? | 0:24:23 | 0:24:27 | |
It's just that I've promised him I wouldn't. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
So let me get this right. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
You'd like me to act surprised when he finally decides to tell me? | 0:24:32 | 0:24:38 | |
Well... | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
I'll say this for you, you're not a born liar. Drink? | 0:24:44 | 0:24:48 | |
Yes, please. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:49 | |
I brought you some tea. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:50 | |
Oh, well, actually I was just about to... | 0:24:50 | 0:24:52 | |
-Hi, I'm Karen. -Hi. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
I've got a teacher who has MS so I know that life can be | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
really tough for the disabled. | 0:24:57 | 0:24:59 | |
You know, most people, they see the wheelchair and not the person. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:03 | |
Well, that's certainly true. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:04 | |
Well, I see the person - | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
the person that's trying to rip off my mum and dad. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
Oh, oh. You know, I'm... | 0:25:10 | 0:25:14 | |
I'm feeling dizzy again. Maybe I'd better call an ambulance. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:19 | |
You'll need your phone for that. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:21 | |
You stole my phone? | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
I'm returning your phone. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
I noticed there were several texts sent around the time of the | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
accident, one half-finished at 11.07 right as the accident happened. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:35 | |
And did you show these texts to your mum and dad? | 0:25:35 | 0:25:39 | |
No, just to LaPaula, Shazonce, Shamola and Anne. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:43 | |
I screenshotted them and shared them, just for the record. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
Enjoy your tea. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:47 | |
How's the pulse rate? | 0:25:50 | 0:25:51 | |
Oh, it's way up. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
Mind you, I have burnt over 2,000 calories now. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:55 | |
Probably burnt off quite a lot just by constantly looking at it. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
-Mum. -Oh, hi, Babs. Sorry, are you ready to go? | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
What the hell does your son think he's playing at? | 0:26:00 | 0:26:03 | |
-Sorry? -Nobody treats my girl like that. Where is he? -Ah, OK, well.. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
And what sort of person gets his dad to do the dirty for him, eh? | 0:26:06 | 0:26:09 | |
-Well, no, that's not actually... -No, no, you should be ashamed of yourself. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:13 | |
-Mum, let's go. -No, not till I've spoken to Jake. | 0:26:13 | 0:26:15 | |
Spoken to him about what? | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
Me and Jake are splitting up. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:18 | |
Oh, no. Why? Well, can't you give him another chance? | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
He's splitting up with me! | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
Really? That... That's awful. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:27 | |
I didn't know. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:28 | |
He knew. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
You knew? | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
Well, let me provide some context here. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:37 | |
You knew and you didn't tell me. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
-I didn't tell anyone. -Apart from Kate. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
You told Kate that Jake was breaking up with her? | 0:26:42 | 0:26:46 | |
Well, no, technically that's not correct, I tried not to tell her. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:51 | |
Does anyone want to know the football scores because Arsenal are absolutely...? | 0:26:51 | 0:26:55 | |
-Well, cheers, Dad. -I didn't say anything. | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
-Kate, look, just.. -Let's go, Mum. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
-Can I just have one second? -Put it in a text, Jake. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
Despicable. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:07 | |
Babs, I'm sorry about this, I really am. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
Are we still OK for the lift? | 0:27:13 | 0:27:14 | |
OK, no, sorry, fair enough. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
Stay in touch. | 0:27:19 | 0:27:21 | |
I have to speak to her. Kate! | 0:27:21 | 0:27:23 | |
Kate! | 0:27:26 | 0:27:27 | |
How's the foot? | 0:27:30 | 0:27:31 | |
Did your dad specify a particular Boxing Day? | 0:27:35 | 0:27:38 | |
My brother just dumped his girlfriend. | 0:27:42 | 0:27:45 | |
No, not that brother, I said girlfriend. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:49 | |
My mum is going to go mental when he comes back. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
He's coming back. | 0:27:52 | 0:27:53 | |
-They almost ran me down. -What is wrong with you? | 0:27:53 | 0:27:56 | |
Oh, Mum, please. | 0:27:56 | 0:27:57 | |
A lovely, intelligent, beautiful girl and you ditch her. Are you mad? | 0:27:57 | 0:28:01 | |
-Eh? -I mean let's face it, Jake, you were batting way out of your league. | 0:28:01 | 0:28:05 | |
Oh, and thank YOU for the vote of confidence. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:08 | |
And now you've gone and broken that poor girl's heart, | 0:28:08 | 0:28:10 | |
and cost us our lift. | 0:28:10 | 0:28:13 | |
That's an interesting question, cos did Jake cost us our lift, | 0:28:13 | 0:28:16 | |
or did Dad? | 0:28:16 | 0:28:18 | |
I didn't tell her. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:20 | |
She sort of deduced it. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:22 | |
How did she deduce it? | 0:28:22 | 0:28:24 | |
-Well... -I think it was the hesitations. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:26 | |
-Yeah, thank you, Brian. -After you said "stay in touch". | 0:28:26 | 0:28:29 | |
Stay in touch?! | 0:28:29 | 0:28:31 | |
It just came out. | 0:28:31 | 0:28:33 | |
That's interesting though, isn't it? That she immediately guessed. | 0:28:33 | 0:28:36 | |
Maybe at some subliminal, subconscious level, she... | 0:28:36 | 0:28:39 | |
Shut up, Ben. | 0:28:39 | 0:28:40 | |
That's a bit rude. | 0:28:42 | 0:28:43 | |
-What can I get you? -Can I have a packet of crisps? | 0:28:43 | 0:28:46 | |
She's just worried that she won't be able to fulfil Grandad's wishes. | 0:28:46 | 0:28:50 | |
The best we can hope for I suppose is that our taxi turns up soon. | 0:28:50 | 0:28:53 | |
Actually, I'm pretty sure Grandad told me he met Grandma | 0:28:53 | 0:28:56 | |
at a dogfight in Singapore. | 0:28:56 | 0:28:58 | |
I think he told me it was a bus stop in Ipswich. | 0:28:58 | 0:29:00 | |
He told me it was on a tram. | 0:29:00 | 0:29:01 | |
Right. Actually, come to think of it, | 0:29:01 | 0:29:03 | |
he told me it was at a Lovely Legs competition in Butlin's. | 0:29:03 | 0:29:06 | |
Just goes to show, if memory is so subjective, | 0:29:06 | 0:29:09 | |
is there such a thing as history? | 0:29:09 | 0:29:11 | |
Yes, there is, cos I'm a history teacher and we need the money. | 0:29:11 | 0:29:14 | |
So if no-one knows where he met her, | 0:29:14 | 0:29:17 | |
does it matter where we scatter his ashes? | 0:29:17 | 0:29:19 | |
Does anything matter? Ascribing an existential meaning... | 0:29:19 | 0:29:22 | |
ALL: Shut up, Ben. | 0:29:22 | 0:29:24 | |
Also rude. | 0:29:24 | 0:29:25 | |
I haven't calmed down. I've just come to get my scarf. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:28 | |
Hey, Mum, Mum. Look, I'm sorry I lost us the lift, OK, and I know | 0:29:28 | 0:29:33 | |
Kate is a very, very lovely girl, and I'm very fond of her. | 0:29:33 | 0:29:37 | |
But, Mum, ultimately we are very different people, and it would also | 0:29:37 | 0:29:42 | |
be difficult because I've been waiting to tell you, | 0:29:42 | 0:29:46 | |
I've got this job. | 0:29:46 | 0:29:48 | |
-You've got a job? -Yeah, in Canterbury. | 0:29:48 | 0:29:50 | |
Oh, great. Something else you didn't tell me. | 0:29:50 | 0:29:53 | |
There wasn't time. Kate told me, I didn't mean... | 0:29:53 | 0:29:57 | |
Look, the great thing is, | 0:29:57 | 0:30:00 | |
he's found something when he's been looking for so long. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:03 | |
Yeah. It's great. Well done, love, that's great. | 0:30:03 | 0:30:06 | |
So what's the job? | 0:30:06 | 0:30:08 | |
Oh, it's for a start up, just sourcing local ethical | 0:30:08 | 0:30:11 | |
furniture and linking it with the retailers. | 0:30:11 | 0:30:13 | |
I mean, obviously it's a pretty long way away. | 0:30:13 | 0:30:16 | |
Well, it's not that bad, | 0:30:16 | 0:30:17 | |
I mean what's the quickest way to Canterbury? | 0:30:17 | 0:30:20 | |
Well, a plane. | 0:30:20 | 0:30:22 | |
Plane? No, no, no, you need the M2 and then the A2 from Faversham. | 0:30:22 | 0:30:26 | |
Ah. | 0:30:26 | 0:30:27 | |
Yeah, you see, it's actually Canterbury, New Zealand. | 0:30:27 | 0:30:31 | |
Sorry, I thought you knew that. | 0:30:31 | 0:30:32 | |
No, no. | 0:30:34 | 0:30:36 | |
Kate didn't get that far. | 0:30:36 | 0:30:38 | |
New Zealand that's... | 0:30:40 | 0:30:42 | |
That's like Australia. | 0:30:42 | 0:30:43 | |
Mm. | 0:30:44 | 0:30:46 | |
But...that's great, that's great. | 0:30:49 | 0:30:52 | |
-That's brilliant. -Well done. -Well done. | 0:30:52 | 0:30:54 | |
-It's exciting. -Well done, it'll be a real adventure for you. | 0:30:54 | 0:30:57 | |
-And how long's it for? -Well, the contract is for two years. | 0:30:57 | 0:31:01 | |
Two years. That's... | 0:31:01 | 0:31:02 | |
That's excellent. | 0:31:03 | 0:31:04 | |
-Well, that's great. That's a... That's a really good... -Wow. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:08 | |
-..length of contract. -Really good. | 0:31:08 | 0:31:09 | |
I mean, two years minimum. | 0:31:09 | 0:31:11 | |
Could be longer. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
It will go really fast, won't it? | 0:31:13 | 0:31:14 | |
Yeah, well done you. Brilliant. Really, really, really... | 0:31:14 | 0:31:17 | |
Totally brilliant, totally, totally, absolutely brilliant. | 0:31:17 | 0:31:21 | |
Brian's just told me that our cab lady | 0:31:21 | 0:31:23 | |
has had to return to base for her medication. | 0:31:23 | 0:31:26 | |
What are you looking at? | 0:31:27 | 0:31:29 | |
Text from Angela - "How did it go? Am waiting for you to upload video." | 0:31:29 | 0:31:34 | |
New Zealand. | 0:31:38 | 0:31:40 | |
That's actually further than Australia. | 0:31:40 | 0:31:42 | |
We can Skype. | 0:31:42 | 0:31:44 | |
There's Snapchat. | 0:31:44 | 0:31:46 | |
Facebook if he lets us friend him. | 0:31:46 | 0:31:49 | |
Instagram. | 0:31:49 | 0:31:50 | |
Two years. | 0:31:50 | 0:31:52 | |
Maybe he'll never come home. | 0:31:52 | 0:31:54 | |
Maybe he'll meet a nice New Zealand girl and we'll have | 0:31:54 | 0:31:57 | |
-grandchildren we never meet. -Sue... | 0:31:57 | 0:31:59 | |
Oh, why am I putting us all through this stupid ashes thing? | 0:31:59 | 0:32:04 | |
Why don't we just admit defeat and get home? | 0:32:04 | 0:32:09 | |
-You sure? -Yes. | 0:32:10 | 0:32:12 | |
Listen, I can't leave the bar but I see how desperate you are, | 0:32:12 | 0:32:16 | |
so you can borrow my car if you like. | 0:32:16 | 0:32:19 | |
Really? | 0:32:19 | 0:32:21 | |
Aye, no sweat. | 0:32:21 | 0:32:23 | |
Brian, that is incredibly kind. | 0:32:23 | 0:32:25 | |
OK. | 0:32:26 | 0:32:28 | |
OK, team, wagon's roll. | 0:32:28 | 0:32:29 | |
It's a bit sticky in second. | 0:32:29 | 0:32:31 | |
Hang on, I can't drive, I'm over the limit. | 0:32:31 | 0:32:33 | |
Oh, me too, yeah. | 0:32:33 | 0:32:34 | |
-Well, I can't drive with this foot. -I can drive. | 0:32:34 | 0:32:37 | |
You're not far over the limit? | 0:32:40 | 0:32:42 | |
-You'd be fine, Dad, I mean... -You can drive. | 0:32:42 | 0:32:45 | |
Whoa, whoa, whoa. | 0:32:45 | 0:32:47 | |
I can't have someone who's over the limit drive my car. | 0:32:47 | 0:32:49 | |
I'm a publican, they'd shut me down. | 0:32:49 | 0:32:51 | |
It'll be fine. I'll drive. | 0:32:51 | 0:32:53 | |
It'll be good for my confidence. | 0:32:53 | 0:32:55 | |
Is your foot that bad? | 0:32:57 | 0:32:59 | |
-I can't press down on it. -You can just use | 0:32:59 | 0:33:01 | |
-the other one, Mum. -You're walking. | 0:33:01 | 0:33:02 | |
All right, listen. | 0:33:02 | 0:33:04 | |
I won't drive fast, and the way I see it, | 0:33:04 | 0:33:07 | |
either I drive or Grandad's wishes just don't get honoured. | 0:33:07 | 0:33:10 | |
OK, come on. | 0:33:12 | 0:33:13 | |
I could wait here. | 0:33:13 | 0:33:14 | |
No, come on. | 0:33:14 | 0:33:15 | |
Jesus, look at that heart rate. | 0:33:21 | 0:33:23 | |
It's just up here. I can't believe we've actually made it. | 0:33:25 | 0:33:28 | |
My driving was OK, wasn't it? | 0:33:29 | 0:33:32 | |
It was... | 0:33:32 | 0:33:33 | |
..not bad at all. | 0:33:35 | 0:33:36 | |
Yeah, like, I didn't go too fast. | 0:33:36 | 0:33:38 | |
No, no. Well, maybe just that one bit. | 0:33:38 | 0:33:41 | |
-What bit? -The bit when you hit the chicken. | 0:33:41 | 0:33:43 | |
You're not supposed to swerve to avoid animals. | 0:33:43 | 0:33:45 | |
Well, if they're in a coop, I think you probably are. | 0:33:45 | 0:33:47 | |
It wasn't actually in its coop, it was loitering round it. | 0:33:47 | 0:33:49 | |
A loitering chicken? Are you mental? | 0:33:49 | 0:33:51 | |
OK, OK. We're here and that's what matters. | 0:33:51 | 0:33:54 | |
Yeah, and it feels like our luck has finally changed. | 0:33:54 | 0:33:58 | |
There it is. | 0:33:58 | 0:34:00 | |
Dad's bench. | 0:34:00 | 0:34:01 | |
-Hopefully the weather will hold. -I wouldn't worry. Jake's got the brollies. | 0:34:03 | 0:34:06 | |
-What...? What...? -What the hell is...? | 0:34:11 | 0:34:14 | |
-Oh, my God. -Dad, they're Nazis! | 0:34:14 | 0:34:17 | |
Cease fire! | 0:34:24 | 0:34:25 | |
What the blazes are you doing here? | 0:34:27 | 0:34:29 | |
What are we doing here? What are you doing here? | 0:34:29 | 0:34:32 | |
Why are there a bunch of Nazis running around in the woods? | 0:34:32 | 0:34:36 | |
We are conscripts from the 916th Regiment | 0:34:36 | 0:34:39 | |
of the 352nd Volksgrenadier Division, | 0:34:39 | 0:34:42 | |
so we are patriotic Germans defending our homeland, not Nazis. | 0:34:42 | 0:34:47 | |
Yes, well, we are real people living in the correct century. | 0:34:47 | 0:34:51 | |
People who ignore signs. | 0:34:51 | 0:34:53 | |
What signs? | 0:34:53 | 0:34:54 | |
Thompson, I told you not to do the signs in brown. | 0:34:55 | 0:34:57 | |
Are you allowed to be running around here with pretend guns? | 0:34:57 | 0:35:01 | |
We have cleared it with all the relevant authorities. | 0:35:01 | 0:35:04 | |
We are re-enacting a skirmish with complete historical accuracy. | 0:35:04 | 0:35:09 | |
Apart from Thompson who is wearing trainers. | 0:35:09 | 0:35:11 | |
And apart from the fact that this is actually Hampshire. | 0:35:11 | 0:35:14 | |
This is an engagement that took place on December 26th 1944, | 0:35:14 | 0:35:17 | |
in the Ardennes at this precise hour, although we are fractionally | 0:35:17 | 0:35:21 | |
behind schedule because the Americans were late getting here. | 0:35:21 | 0:35:25 | |
That is historically accurate. | 0:35:25 | 0:35:26 | |
Look, we are here to scatter my father's ashes at that bench | 0:35:26 | 0:35:31 | |
up there. Well, it was up there. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:33 | |
Well, do you have to? | 0:35:33 | 0:35:35 | |
-Yes. -Yeah, we do. | 0:35:35 | 0:35:37 | |
Seems a bit pointless. | 0:35:37 | 0:35:38 | |
Says the man dressed as a Nazi. | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
We're not Nazis. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:41 | |
Look, we just need ten minutes of peace and quiet. | 0:35:41 | 0:35:45 | |
Well, as luck would have it, there was a lull in the skirmish | 0:35:45 | 0:35:49 | |
at 14.55 for NINE minutes. | 0:35:49 | 0:35:52 | |
Right, that's fine. Nine minutes is fine. | 0:35:52 | 0:35:55 | |
OK, men, take a short... Thompson, put the iPhone away! | 0:35:55 | 0:35:58 | |
Oh, look, the bench has survived. | 0:36:01 | 0:36:04 | |
Ah. | 0:36:04 | 0:36:05 | |
-What's that? -It's from our disabled lady. | 0:36:05 | 0:36:08 | |
She says she is happy to completely forget any insurance claim. | 0:36:08 | 0:36:12 | |
-You see, Karen, aggression is never the answer in these situations. -OK. | 0:36:12 | 0:36:17 | |
Do you know it would be nice if just for once you said, | 0:36:17 | 0:36:20 | |
"Mum, Dad, you were right." | 0:36:20 | 0:36:22 | |
Mum, Dad, you were right. | 0:36:22 | 0:36:24 | |
Gee, that wasn't so difficult was it? What the...? | 0:36:24 | 0:36:28 | |
Who does that? Who comes to a beauty spot and does that? | 0:36:28 | 0:36:34 | |
Someone who feels they have no stake in society, | 0:36:34 | 0:36:37 | |
and doesn't like JD. | 0:36:37 | 0:36:38 | |
Look, this is where your mum met your dad, isn't it? | 0:36:40 | 0:36:44 | |
That's what he said, right here. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:48 | |
OK. | 0:36:48 | 0:36:50 | |
No, you're right. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:51 | |
I said we'd film this for Auntie Angela. | 0:36:53 | 0:36:56 | |
OK, I'm on it. | 0:36:56 | 0:36:58 | |
You can't read "Made in Germany" on this, can you? | 0:37:00 | 0:37:02 | |
Cos otherwise she'll just bang on about how he would have hated that. | 0:37:02 | 0:37:05 | |
-I think it's fine. -OK. I'm ready. | 0:37:05 | 0:37:07 | |
TRUMPET PLAYS LAST POST | 0:37:07 | 0:37:09 | |
What's that? | 0:37:09 | 0:37:11 | |
The Last Post. | 0:37:11 | 0:37:13 | |
Thanks, but no. | 0:37:13 | 0:37:15 | |
OK, record. | 0:37:18 | 0:37:19 | |
We're gathered here to carry out Dad's... Grandad's expressed wishes. | 0:37:23 | 0:37:30 | |
It's a shame Angela couldn't be with us because of her | 0:37:31 | 0:37:34 | |
important commitments. | 0:37:34 | 0:37:36 | |
I suppose this is a kind of goodbye, but then life is full of goodbyes, | 0:37:39 | 0:37:45 | |
and just because someone isn't close by, that doesn't mean | 0:37:45 | 0:37:48 | |
that they're gone, because they're always in here. | 0:37:48 | 0:37:52 | |
OK, so this is where it started, Dad, and this is where it ends, | 0:37:56 | 0:38:03 | |
which is what makes it so perfect. | 0:38:03 | 0:38:06 | |
Is this going to drag on much longer? | 0:38:06 | 0:38:08 | |
Never driven at dusk before. | 0:38:10 | 0:38:12 | |
You two must be under the limit by now. | 0:38:13 | 0:38:15 | |
'fraid not, I had three scotches. | 0:38:15 | 0:38:17 | |
I had four. | 0:38:17 | 0:38:18 | |
Mind you, two of those were once I realised Ben would be driving. | 0:38:18 | 0:38:22 | |
SUE SIGHS | 0:38:22 | 0:38:24 | |
Trump? | 0:38:24 | 0:38:25 | |
No, Angela. | 0:38:25 | 0:38:27 | |
She's going to have a field day - a Nazi at Dad's farewell. | 0:38:27 | 0:38:31 | |
Oh, forget her. You did great, Mum. | 0:38:31 | 0:38:34 | |
-Yeah. -You got him to his special place. -Yeah. | 0:38:34 | 0:38:38 | |
Although I could have sworn he said they met | 0:38:40 | 0:38:43 | |
at a Shirley Bassey concert. | 0:38:43 | 0:38:45 |