Episode 1 Outnumbered


Episode 1

Sitcom. The Brockman family have some tough decisions to make about work, video games, and who to take to a family funeral. They leave the vicar wishing none of them had gone.


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Transcript


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Come on, Dad! This is like Usain Bolt racing against a dead tortoise!

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For the last time, moving your legs doesn't make you go faster!

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-Stop putting me off.

-Yes! New world record!

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Well, it's not an actual world record, is it?

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I can't be coming last.

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You're forgetting to watch the stamina bar, Dad.

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-This Nunchuk clearly isn't working.

-He said Nunchuk.

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He said he'd never say the word Nunchuk cos he said it was "stupid, made-up technodrivel."

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Dad, I know it's hard for you now you're slower than us

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in the real world as well as the virtual world.

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How many nuns could a Nunchuk chuck if a Nunchuk could chuck nuns?

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Well, yes, you have finished the homework,

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I'm just not sure about some of the choices you've made.

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I mean, "Martin Luther King sexed lots of women who were not his wife".

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-It said that on the internet.

-Yeah, I just wonder whether you shouldn't mention

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some of the other things he did.

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-Well, I decided to do mostly the women.

-Well, I'm just...

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I'm just wondering about the second part where you're meant

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to write your own Martin Luther King speech.

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-I did it.

-Yes, "I have a dream" - good start -

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"that one day I'll stop going out to make speeches all the time

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"and spend time with my children like grown-ups are supposed to."

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-Is this about me, Karen?

-No, it's about Martin Luther King.

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-Dad, stop doing the feet!

-Another world record... YES!

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-Ben!

-Oops...

-You have got to wear the safety cord around your wrist.

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-You very nearly broke the telly. How many times have I told you?

-I don't know, 12?

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-Right. You are disqualified.

-Why?

-Disqualified for not wearing the safety cord.

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-You're last.

-Dad, you're last.

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-No, I'm seventh.

-You're not disqualifying me cos I didn't wear the...

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Right, another race. This time, I'm not being Princess Peach.

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Listen, Karen, I hate having to work full-time,

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but since what happened to Dad...

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It's a mum's duty to pick up her children from school.

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But most women have to work!

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See? You're getting aggressive. That's what happens to women

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that work like men - they start turning into men.

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They get hair on their chest and then smash up town centres.

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-Look, Karen, you want to have a career when you grow up, don't you?

-Yes, I want lots of careers.

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That's great, and you can, because thousands of women fought for the right.

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And whilst they were fighting, who was picking up their children from school?

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-Well... wha... Why can't men do that?

-Because they're useless.

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They forget your book folder.

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Oh, you're just being silly now, Karen.

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See? You're getting aggressive. You'll get hairy.

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Yes, I win again!

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Why are you doing the feet?

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-Will you just...

-Look, Dad, you're in with a chance of coming seventh. Oh, no.

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-Epic fail.

-Which one's you? The one on the ground wheezing?

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You're only better than me because you play this all the time.

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See, it's just...

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-Jake, I'm talking. That is rude!

-No, it's not!

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-Yes, it is, isn't it, Sue?

-Hm?

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Oh!

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It is rude to text when someone is talking.

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Well, yeah, but it's only you.

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-DOORBELL RINGS

-I'll get it!

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It might be someone selling something. I like those.

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-Go!

-Cheat! I hadn't even picked up the remote.

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-It's Gran!

-OK.

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-Pete, it's your mum.

-You're putting me off.

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-Hi, Sandra.

-Hello, Sue.

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-Why's he moving his feet?

-Cup of tea?

-Yes, please.

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-I'm overtaking you, you're going to lose this one.

-We'd better stop,

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-your gran's here.

-But...that's not fair.

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It's his hand-eye co-ordination. He was the same with conkers.

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What was that nickname the other boys had for you?

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We weren't expecting you, Mum. Is there a problem?

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Oh, I just wanted a little chat about Bob's funeral tomorrow.

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-Oh, hello, Ben. How's big school? I hear you got mugged.

-Yeah.

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-Did they take much?

-Yeah.

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-Has it happened to other children in your class?

-Yeah, most of them.

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-And the gym teacher. They stole his hockey stick.

-It's ridiculous.

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What do the police say?

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They say, "Hand over your things without a fight."

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They should get really small policemen and disguise them

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as school children.

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-Good thought.

-And give them mobile phones with tracking devices.

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-Brilliant.

-With the germs of the bubonic plague in them

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so that the muggers will catch it

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and they'll get big boils that pop and burst and go all icky.

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And then all their family will catch it and then they'll be wiped out.

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Right. Well...

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And they'll use the tracking devices

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to go round picking up all the dead bodies.

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She's really thought this through, hasn't she?

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Karen, come on. Go off and finish your reading homework.

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Cack-hands! That was the nickname.

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-What's all this about the funeral, then?

-Well...

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Your Uncle Victor was doing the eulogy

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but he got all excited about his new hip so he went parascending yesterday and broke the other one.

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Anyway, the family all had a chat and we thought it would be best

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-if you did the eulogy for Bob.

-But, I'm only Bob's nephew. What about, erm... Alice?

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-With her stammer?

-Tom?

-It's at midday, he'll be drunk.

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-Cousin Justin?

-It's at midday.

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-OK. Hang on, why can't you...

-I lack the warmth thing.

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Look, it's not a problem, Victor's already written the eulogy,

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all you have to do is read it out.

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I told them you could manage that.

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OK.

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What about Rufus?

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His Tourette's is getting worse. His wedding was embarrassing enough.

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You'd think he could get through "I do".

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So, Peter, what's this about you messing up at work?

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-I need to watch the news for PSHE.

-But you watched it yesterday.

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Yes, it changes every day. That's why it's called the news, tosspiece.

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No, it doesn't change every day, tosspiece.

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I mean, there are always people standing in front of Parliament

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and it's always raining and there's always an Irish woman in Africa,

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there's always someone ducking and...

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-And they are different people!

-Well, how do you know?

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-Cos I listen to the words rather than just looking at the pictures.

-Who's that?

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-It's Prince Andrew.

-Oh, he sells guns.

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No, he doesn't SELL guns, he just... hangs out with people who sell guns.

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-I wonder if he's a hitman like his father?

-For the last time, Ben, Prince Philip is not a hit man.

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-Every royal family are a mafia family.

-No, they're not a mafia,

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they're the Royal Family.

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it was a perfectly straightforward situation...

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A junior member of my department was being utterly unprofessional

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so I told the head that it was the other teacher or me.

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And, obviously, knowing that to lose me,

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the senior member of staff, would be insane, I offered my resignation.

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-Which he accepted.

-Yes.

-By text.

-Yes.

-That evening.

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Look, it was an insane decision.

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But surely you can still back down and withdraw your resignation.

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-What, grovel? It was a matter of principle, wasn't it, Sue?

-Well...

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Yes...

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-But I suppose technically you could still...

-Look, I found supply work all last week, didn't I?

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Yes.

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And actually, intellectually, it is very liberating

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facing the challenge of a class with very few English-speaking pupils.

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And we got a lot done, once I'd improvised a sort of partition

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down the middle of the classroom between the Ethiopians and the Eritreans.

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It's history in action. I'm seeing a whole new side to life.

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-TV:

-The pound fell against the euro and the dollar...

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The pound - it's always going up or down.

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We should go back to the olden days where we used livestock for money,

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like sheep or chickens. All the other countries have a coin and we have a chicken.

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-What happens when you would like to buy a chicken?

-You buy one with chickens.

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-How much is one worth in chickens?

-People don't sell...

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How do you get change from a chicken?

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Eggs.

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So, Sue, would you still have gone full-time if Peter hadn't gone and burnt his bridges?

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Well...

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Mum, this eulogy for Bob, it doesn't mention Bernard.

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Well, I think Uncle Victor thought it would create too many ripples.

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There's some in the family haven't come to terms with Bob's gay phase.

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"Phase"? Bob and Bernard have been together for the last 14 years.

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Look, Peter, I'm perfectly at home with... gaiety.

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But we've got to think of Dorothy.

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It's a shock finding your husband prefers men.

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She took it very personally, him coming out in Sainsbury's like that.

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-But Bernard'll be really upset if he's ignored.

-Oh, he's used to that.

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The family have ignored him for years.

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I can't do a eulogy for Bob that doesn't mention Bernard.

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-Well, it's up to you, but if I was you, I...

-Hang on, what about Hettie? She could do the eulogy.

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Hettie - who went round telling everyone Bob was diabolically possessed?

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All right, I'd forgotten about the whole exorcism thing.

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Ben! You don't make cheese on toast in the toaster.

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-Yeah, but it's called cheese on toast.

-Yes, but...

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-What if I turn it on its side?

-No!

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-OK, I'll put it in the microwave.

-Look, no!

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Just walk away, I'll make you some.

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I'd like to come to Uncle Bob's funeral, if that's all right.

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Well, yeah, of course, if you want to.

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If you'd like to pay your respects, I think that would be nice.

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Ben's out by the dustbins with the glow in the dark paint again.

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Ben! Leave those snails alone!

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-He can't hear you.

-I'll text him.

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What has he done here?

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Pete, I just happened to be talking to Denzil, you know,

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from your old school, about the quiz night,

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and he mentioned that they haven't actually replaced you yet.

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You just "happened" to speak to Denzil,

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who you never speak to, about the quiz night that we never go to.

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Well, I just thought you'd like to know that if you wanted to, you could still...

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-You want me to go back and grovel to the headmaster.

-Of course not!

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Absolutely not, no.

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Though, of course, you would only be grovelling outwardly.

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-Inwardly, the real Pete...

-Oh, for God's sake!

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-Is this Ben's "Will slugs survive global warming?" experiment?

-No, it's yesterday's burnt fish fingers...

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-I've been working, Ok?

-If Jake's going to the funeral then I want to go too.

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I liked Uncle Bob as well.

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Ben, it's not a party, it's a religious service.

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You know how bored you got when Gran took you to church.

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Yeah, but the juice and cookies bit was good.

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Wine and wafers.

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And you shouldn't have gone up for that bit anyway.

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-Oh, you're so gay.

-Ben! I've told you about using the word gay in that way.

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and, apart from anything else, Uncle Bob and Uncle Bernard were gay.

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-Were they?

-Yes.

-What, both of them?

-Yes.

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I liked him. Uncle Bob taught me how to dive.

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Yeah, I just wish he'd mentioned you're only supposed to do it into water, but...

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I really want to say goodbye to him. If Jake can pay his respects,

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why aren't my respects worth as much as his?

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Jane said that she took Alexa to her gran's funeral

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and she said it really helped.

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-Yes. Yes, seeing as you're being so grown up about it. Yes.

-Yay!

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-Do I get to see the dead body?

-No!

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Nyah.

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I'm going to a funeral, Jake!

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-What?! How come you can go and I can't? That's not fair!

->

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She's too young to go, isn't she?

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-No-one is going to stop me...

->

-Absolutely. No, she's too young.

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-If anyone tries to tell me I can't go I'll go absolutely nuts!

->

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DOOR SLAMS

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Mind you... nine.

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You've come down to play Wii at four o'clock in the morning?

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No.

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No, I couldn't sleep, I came down here to rewrite the eulogy a bit.

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And, as it happens, now I'm on a break,

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which happens to be on the Wii.

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-I could hear you swearing from upstairs.

-I came third.

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I can't decide whether to call Bernard a "partner"

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or a "companion".

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-What's this you've crossed out? "Boyfriend".

-That was a first draft.

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What do you think of flat mate? I mean, it's technically correct.

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-Lodger?

-Toy boy? Joke.

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But no, you're right to mention him.

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Um... See, I was thinking, um, if you didn't mind taking the children to the funeral,

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then I could really get cracking on Ben's room.

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You'll be gone eight hours, I reckon, and I could really make a good start.

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-Sue... Sue... I know what you're thinking.

-Well, what if... if?

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Listen, it is not going to happen to you twice.

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If you say so.

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Come on, let's get some sleep.

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Oh, have a look outside.

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Ben's glow-in-the-dark snails actually look rather cool.

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Oh, yeah.

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Is this fruit bread mouldy?

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That's not even fruit bread, bung it in the compost.

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-Any better?

-I don't know how I did it.

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Well, I wonder if it's the three hours you spent playing on the Wii.

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-Will anybody cry at Uncle Bob's funeral?

-It's possible,

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but the important thing to remember about this funeral, Karen,

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-is that it's not a sad day.

-Well, it is for Uncle Bob.

-Well, yeah,

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-but it's a celebration of his life.

-Surely he should've done that before he died.

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That would've been better cos then he would've been able to come.

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I think he would've liked that much more.

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Look, why don't we, um, take you through the day,

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-what happens at a funeral?

-I know what happens at a funeral.

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They put the coffin in the ground and the men fire guns at it.

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-Well..

-And then...

-Well, shoot over it.

-the Pope asks...

-The Pope?!

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..if anybody has a good reason why the person shouldn't go to heaven.

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And no-one ever says anything.

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As I say, why don't we take you through...

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-I went to a cremation once.

-No, you've never been to a...

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Yeah, but I was really tiny and there was this bouncy castle.

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-And a magician.

-What?!

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And I remember this body that was going round and round on this pole over a fire.

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That was a hog roast.

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Anyway, it's going to be very different today.

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There'll be songs and prayers, and then the vicar and,

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and me will talk about some memories we have of Uncle Bob.

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And then eventually the coffin goes behind a curtain so it can be cremated.

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Which is the bit that can be a bit scary. But it is mostly symbolic.

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Just as long as Uncle Bob's body isn't really in there.

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-No, it is in there.

-What?!

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What if he's not really dead yet?!

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-Well, they check really carefully.

-But I hear stories on the news all the time about doctors that

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think people are dead and then

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they're in their coffin and they sit up and ask where their dinner is.

0:15:520:15:56

In Victorian times they had a bell they'd give to dead people

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so they could ring it in their coffin if they weren't dead.

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-That's sensible.

-Maybe they've done that. Anyway...

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-Well, have they or haven't they?

-Karen!

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What we need, to check if he's alive or not, is some sort of emergency device.

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-You're going to get...

-If he woke up and was like "Oh, my God, I'm in a coffin, I'll die, there's no food!"

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and he got all claustrophobic there could be a button saying, erm, Ejector Coffin.

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An ejector coffin?

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So if he pressed it the coffin would shoot out of the ground and land...

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-Well, how would...?

-But then, er, what if it hits someone?

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-Then they'd be dead and he'd be alive... Or you could get a trained badger.

-Ben!

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-We're not going to need any of this.

-..Tap the badger, and then the badger.

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Ben, I swear he won't need a bell or...a badger.

0:16:410:16:46

-What about an armadillo?

-Or an ejector coffin, because he's...

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..no more. And that's sad.

0:16:510:16:54

But we're past the sad bit and today is a celebration -

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a happy celebration - of his life.

0:16:580:17:02

-OK?

-OK.

0:17:030:17:05

-Thanks for all your help there.

-You were doing such a good job,

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I just thought I'd let you roll.

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I'm going to stick with this.

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"Not forgetting the 14 happy years

0:17:170:17:20

"he spent with his loving partner, Bernard."

0:17:200:17:22

-Can we take some cookies with us?

-Karen!

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What are you wearing?!

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A dress.

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Well, it's... It's just that it's a bit bright for a funeral.

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But it's a happy day! He said so.

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Yes, it's a happy day where people usually wear black.

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But black's not a happy colour.

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Black's the colour of beetles and school shoes

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and Miss Barrington's enormous eyebrows.

0:17:430:17:47

It's usually seen as a sign of respect to wear black at a funeral.

0:17:470:17:50

-But...

-And Aunty Dorothy - his,

0:17:500:17:53

sort of, widow - she's quite traditional.

0:17:530:17:56

But Uncle Bob said he liked this dress. He said, "Karen, that's a very nice dress."

0:17:560:18:02

-You could wear that cool black top from Bella's pirate party.

-No, she can't.

0:18:020:18:06

-That's quite smart.

-It's got a skull and crossbones on the back.

-I'm wearing this dress.

0:18:060:18:11

She can't wear that dress. It's a funeral - it's meant to be sad.

0:18:110:18:14

With a strong element of celebration.

0:18:160:18:18

Celebration in black.

0:18:180:18:20

H-Happy black. Celebration...

0:18:200:18:22

Oh, Sue...are you all right?

0:18:240:18:26

No, it's OK. I've not been crying -

0:18:260:18:28

I've just got some of the Deep Heat I was rubbing in to Pete's neck in my eye.

0:18:280:18:32

I'd better go and...

0:18:320:18:34

So, have you gone back to the headmaster about your job?

0:18:410:18:45

Hello, Mum, how are you?

0:18:450:18:47

No, I haven't.

0:18:480:18:49

You made a mistake there.

0:18:490:18:52

I tried to teach you when you were young - no-one's indispensable.

0:18:520:18:55

You did. I remember you telling me that when you had my rabbit put down.

0:18:550:18:59

You haven't changed it, have you?

0:18:590:19:01

I'm just going to say,

0:19:010:19:03

"Not forgetting the 14 happy years

0:19:030:19:05

"he spent with his loving partner, Bernard."

0:19:050:19:08

Are you?

0:19:080:19:10

Only Tom was just saying he hopes no-one brings up anything that demeans a solemn occasion.

0:19:100:19:15

-Was he?

-I think that's what he said. It was a bit slurred.

0:19:150:19:18

Oh, great(!)

0:19:180:19:21

-And once I've said, "Hello, Peter," I'll introduce you.

-OK.

0:19:280:19:31

-Is that the eulogy?

-Er, yeah. I didn't actually write it, so if...

0:19:310:19:35

-Actually, I've rewritten it a little...

-Yes. How long is it?

0:19:350:19:38

-How long?

-Two minutes, three minutes?

0:19:380:19:40

-Er, well, maybe four minutes.

-Ooh, three minutes would be better.

0:19:400:19:44

We're a bit behind.

0:19:440:19:46

I'm sorry, Peter, but these days it's like everything else -

0:19:460:19:49

-sell 'em cheap, stack 'em high.

-Right.

0:19:490:19:52

The last lot were nearly ten minutes over!

0:19:520:19:54

The guy giving the eulogy kept sobbing, so it really spread.

0:19:540:19:58

Well, I'll try not to show any emotion.

0:19:580:20:00

Oh, and the organist made a right pig's ear of Lady Gaga's Let's Dance.

0:20:000:20:05

He was used to the usual version,

0:20:050:20:08

but they insisted on some Colby O'Donis remix.

0:20:080:20:11

Anyway, not to worry. If you start running over,

0:20:110:20:14

-I'll give you the red light.

-The red light?

0:20:140:20:17

Three flicks. On and off.

0:20:170:20:20

But if you could cut a few lines, that'd be great.

0:20:200:20:23

Dorothy.

0:20:270:20:28

Don't worry - you'll be fine.

0:20:320:20:34

It's not going to happen to you today.

0:20:340:20:36

God, you're small.

0:20:360:20:38

Was Uncle Bob always gay?

0:20:380:20:40

Even when he was married?

0:20:400:20:42

Well, yes, I think so.

0:20:430:20:45

The house was always full of Judy Garland records.

0:20:450:20:48

That's a bit homophobic!

0:20:480:20:49

What? Saying that a gay man is more interested in a certain type of music,

0:20:490:20:53

or more interested in clothes? That's not homophobic.

0:20:530:20:56

That's just...true.

0:20:560:20:58

-Yeah, Mum's right.

-You know nothing about it!

0:20:580:21:00

-Jeremy Clarkson wears cool clothes and he's gay.

-Jeremy Clarkson is not gay, you idiot.

0:21:000:21:05

Yeah, he is. He lives with two men.

0:21:050:21:07

Yeah, on TV. That's on TV. He has...

0:21:070:21:10

Oh, that's enough, boys. Come on. We'd better go in.

0:21:100:21:13

-Hey, Uncle Bernard!

-Oh, hello, you two...

0:21:160:21:18

-(Pretty dress, Karen.)

-See!

0:21:180:21:21

I always liked Uncle Bob.

0:21:220:21:24

Whenever I asked, he'd always show me his extra toe.

0:21:240:21:27

Yes, I liked that about him, too.

0:21:270:21:31

-Look, Mum, if you don't think about it, it won't happen.

-Thanks a lot.

0:21:310:21:35

And now you've made me think about it.

0:21:350:21:38

God, it is like the Spanish Inquisition.

0:21:380:21:40

-Everyone keeps asking if I've added anything to this.

-Well, I dunno.

0:21:400:21:44

Maybe you shouldn't.

0:21:440:21:46

What?!

0:21:460:21:47

But you said I...

0:21:470:21:49

Where we all may settle down in the care of our lord.

0:21:540:21:59

And now Peter is going to continue our celebration

0:21:590:22:03

by sharing some memories of Bob with us.

0:22:030:22:06

So, what can you say about Bob?

0:22:130:22:17

And he always stayed close to his brothers, Tom and Victor,

0:22:220:22:26

and, of course, his sister, Sandra.

0:22:260:22:29

They were close -

0:22:340:22:35

not only in the friendship they enjoyed, but also geographically.

0:22:350:22:40

In fact, Bob joked that he could never get away from them

0:22:400:22:44

because wherever he moved, they followed.

0:22:440:22:47

Of course, what brought him to Woking...

0:22:480:22:52

SUE SNORTS ..was meeting Dorothy...

0:22:520:22:55

..who was not only a wife, but a friend for the dozen successful years they lived there.

0:22:590:23:06

They say all good things have to come to an end...

0:23:060:23:09

SHE GIGGLES

0:23:090:23:11

..but that time was an incredibly important part of Bob's life...

0:23:120:23:17

SHE SWALLOWS A GIGGLE

0:23:170:23:20

..not forgetting the 14 happy years Bob spent...

0:23:200:23:24

..with his...

0:23:250:23:26

With his...

0:23:260:23:28

With his memories,

0:23:300:23:32

after his amicable separation from Dorothy.

0:23:320:23:36

SHE SQUEAKS

0:23:380:23:39

Anyhow, this isn't a mournful gay.

0:23:410:23:44

Day. SHE GIGGLES

0:23:450:23:47

It's a day to celebrate and to...

0:23:500:23:54

SHE CHUCKLES

0:23:540:23:55

It's... It's a...

0:23:570:23:59

It's a form of grief. It's, er...

0:23:590:24:01

SUSAN LAUGHS LOUDLY

0:24:010:24:02

She isn't actually finding it funny.

0:24:020:24:05

It's a nervous...thing.

0:24:050:24:07

It happened at her mother's funeral.

0:24:090:24:11

Anyhow, that's, er... That's about it.

0:24:160:24:19

I'd just like to mention some of the other people who were important to Bob.

0:24:190:24:23

Er...

0:24:230:24:25

Hettie, James, Justin and Vera.

0:24:250:24:30

And Bob's loving partner, Bernard.

0:24:300:24:33

Thank you, Peter.

0:24:330:24:35

Lovely tribute.

0:24:350:24:37

And next we're going to the song today.

0:24:370:24:42

A song that Bob chose himself.

0:24:420:24:45

A song made famous by Judy Garland.

0:24:450:24:48

Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

0:24:480:24:50

-SONG PLAYS ON ORGAN

-See!

0:24:500:24:53

Er...he is definitely dead in there, isn't he?

0:24:570:25:01

I don't call that much of a celebration, Mum.

0:25:070:25:10

You were the only one that seemed happy.

0:25:100:25:12

Yes.

0:25:130:25:14

That wasn't quite what I was aiming for.

0:25:140:25:17

Well, don't worry. Most people's abiding memory will be of Rufus's Tourette's during the final blessing.

0:25:170:25:22

-I-I'm so sorry.

-Don't worry.

0:25:220:25:25

Grief affects people in weird ways.

0:25:250:25:27

I'm REALLY sorry... I just...

0:25:270:25:30

I just don't think I've ever really got over Mum, and...

0:25:310:25:35

it just seemed to stir up lots... PETE!

0:25:350:25:37

Hmm?

0:25:370:25:39

Oh, sorry, I'm just texting Denzil to see if I've been replaced.

0:25:400:25:43

Look, I know you hate working full-time, so, if you want...

0:25:430:25:47

I'll go and see the head,

0:25:470:25:49

eat humble pie and see if there's any chance of getting my job back.

0:25:490:25:52

No, sod it, life's too short.

0:25:530:25:56

And I'm glad you mentioned Bernard.

0:25:560:25:59

Do you know, so am I.

0:25:590:26:01

All this "poor Dorothy" stuff.

0:26:010:26:03

She was enough to turn anyone gay.

0:26:030:26:05

No, Peter. Well done.

0:26:050:26:08

I'm proud of you.

0:26:080:26:10

Bloody hell! Grief really does affect people in weird ways.

0:26:110:26:14

Ben, there is no life after death.

0:26:140:26:17

-This is how I think it works.

-Ben...

-If you live a bad life,

0:26:170:26:20

like, er... Like Hitler did,

0:26:200:26:22

then you could come back as a crappy thing like a wasp.

0:26:220:26:27

-But then...

-A wasp?!

-..if Hitler was a good wasp,

0:26:270:26:30

then he could come back as the Archbishop of Canterbury.

0:26:300:26:34

So, the Archbishop of Canterbury used to be a wasp?

0:26:340:26:39

-And before that he was Hitler?

-No! It's an example.

0:26:390:26:43

-Well, examples to...

-He could've been an alien!

0:26:430:26:46

Oh, no!

0:26:460:26:48

Karen's talking to Uncle Tom again.

0:26:490:26:51

-I know he's a bit hammered, but does it matter?

-Yes.

0:26:510:26:54

She's got inside his head about Bob still being alive in the coffin.

0:26:540:26:57

-How can anyone be a good wasp?

-You know -

0:26:590:27:02

doing good wasp things.

0:27:020:27:04

-Not stinging people, er, being nice to the Queen...

-What are you...

0:27:040:27:08

Being nice to other wasps. Erm, yeah!

0:27:080:27:12

Well, you've probably been killed loads of times in your past life, cos you never shut up.

0:27:120:27:17

Good try.

0:27:170:27:19

Under four minutes. We'd have finished on time if it hadn't been for that giggling fit.

0:27:190:27:24

Well, she couldn't help herself.

0:27:260:27:28

I thought it was nice that you mentioned Bernard.

0:27:290:27:32

Oh, thank you.

0:27:320:27:33

-So, did you know Bob and Bernard?

-Yes, I did.

0:27:330:27:36

In fact, I knew Bob in Woking before he met Bernard.

0:27:360:27:39

Oh, so are you a friend of Dorothy?

0:27:390:27:42

..and Bob.

0:27:430:27:44

Bob and Dorothy as a... As a couple.

0:27:440:27:46

Thank you very much for a lovely service. I've got to, er...

0:27:480:27:51

mingle.

0:27:510:27:52

Oh, hi, Bernard.

0:28:010:28:02

Did you, um...

0:28:040:28:06

like how I mentioned you?

0:28:060:28:07

I wish you hadn't.

0:28:070:28:09

I specifically asked Victor not to.

0:28:090:28:12

I prefer to stay out of the limelight.

0:28:120:28:14

CHEERING ON GAMES CONSOLE

0:28:200:28:24

Yes! First place! GAME BLEEPS

0:28:240:28:27

New world record!

0:28:270:28:28

SMASHING

0:28:280:28:29

DOGS BARK

0:28:300:28:33

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:530:28:56

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