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Leslie. Potential problem. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
The previous owner of Lot 48, Norquist Properties, | 0:00:03 | 0:00:05 | |
is claiming the government screwed them | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
by illegally seizing the land. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
I know about this issue. I called the city attorney 50 times. He didn't call me back. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
Do you need a lawyer? | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
Because my friend Justin's a lawyer. I'm sure he could help. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
Oh, that'd be terrific. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:18 | |
Yeah. I'll call him. Justin's the greatest guy ever. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:21 | |
"The greatest guy ever"? | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
But does he dress this well? | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
Brooks Brothers. Bought it right off the mannequin. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
Ron Swanson? | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
That's me. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:35 | |
My name is George MacFayden. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
I wanted to talk to you about the amount of snow in the parks. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:40 | |
I've been getting a lot of visitors recently, | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
thanks to a stupid and worthless new push | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
to make government officials more accessible to the public. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:52 | |
There is a disturbing lack of benches | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
in Ramsett Park! I want to sit more! | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
And another thing I like is the layout of the hiking trails. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:03 | |
I made this in one of your pottery classes. It's terrible. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:07 | |
This is my hell. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
Leslie? Ann's friend, Justin. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
Hey, yeah, of course! Hi! Thank you for coming in. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
It's my pleasure. Not a problem. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:37 | |
Have a seat. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
I should warn you, land seizure isn't really my speciality, | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
but I'm happy to take a look. Any friend of Ann's... | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
Is a friend of mine! That's my motto, too. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
So, what is your speciality? | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
Is it locking up the bad guys or keeping them on the streets? | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Neither. Civil litigation, mostly. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
That's interesting. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:54 | |
It can be. I've got this crazy case... | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
Have you ever heard of this product Fire in a Can? | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
Ah, I love those commercials! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
# If you want to start a fire But you have to do it fast...# | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
Well, you shouldn't buy it. It'll literally burn your hand clean off. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:07 | |
- Oh, wow. - Mmm-hmm. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:08 | |
It is an aerosol can with an igniter and a trigger. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:12 | |
It's essentially a blowtorch, and if you can believe it, | 0:02:12 | 0:02:16 | |
it was invented to warm up baby bottles. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
This is my colleague, Tom Haverford. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
Tom. Justin. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
How are you? You are wearing the hell out of that suit, sir. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
Banana, two-button. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
Let's go into the conference room. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:27 | |
- We should talk later. - Tom, stop. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
Wow, 12:15! You're early today. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
April, there's no paper in the printer. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
So? | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
So that's the one thing you do. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
Attention. April, stop doing that. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
Jerry told me to, so it's super crucial. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
More important than that and more important than anything | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
in this godforsaken world is finding me an assistant. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
You get an assistant now? | 0:02:55 | 0:02:56 | |
I've always been able to have one, but I've turned it down | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
cos it's a waste of money. In the eight years I've been at the job, | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
I've saved the taxpayers of this city more than 150 grand. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:05 | |
But now, I need the taxpayers' money | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
to save me from the taxpayers. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
Post this at your college. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
This looks like an ad for nothing. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
Please be careful with it, it's my only copy. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
You are very organised, Leslie. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
Yeah, I am. Thank you. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
I love what you do. You have the coolest job. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Let me guess. This is our park. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
I want to know everything about this. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:29 | |
Oh. OK. Well, these green things represent trees. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:33 | |
I come in, like, two hours late | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
because I had to finish watching Swimfan because it was on, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:39 | |
and everyone, like, jumped down my throat. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
Oh, man. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
I can't wait till my internship is over | 0:03:42 | 0:03:43 | |
so I can get the hell out of here. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
Well, you're all set. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
Free of charge, of course. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
Hey, why don't you sell your band's CDs here? | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
That is a brilliant idea. I cannot believe I didn't think of that. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:56 | |
I have been writing a lot of songs about shining shoes lately. | 0:03:56 | 0:04:00 | |
I tend to write about what I'm doing. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
# Talking about Writing about what I'm doing | 0:04:03 | 0:04:07 | |
# Now I'm singing about talking about writing about | 0:04:08 | 0:04:13 | |
# What I'm doing. # | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
Companies make bogus claims like this all the time. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
I think you'll be just fine. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
Thank you so much. I know you're really busy. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Please, my pleasure. At least this stuff is interesting, you know? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:24 | |
You know, it actually reminds me, two years ago, | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
I was in Borneo officiating a wedding, | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
and this enormous medicine man showed up | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
and he was there to basically tell... | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Justin! | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
Hey, kiddo! How you doing? | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
I'm good. I haven't seen you in for ever! | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
I know! It's so good to see you. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
You too. Do you want to grab some dinner? | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
I would love to. I cannot. I am swamped. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
- You're always so busy. - Yeah. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Next week, I promise. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
Hey, I'm Mark. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
Oh! Sorry! | 0:04:47 | 0:04:48 | |
Justin, this is Mark. This is the city planner. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Oh my God! It's such a pleasure to meet you. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
- Pleasure. - Pleasure. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:54 | |
Anyway, Leslie, I have to go. It has been a super pleasure meeting you. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
I'll get into this over the weekend, | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
and I'll get back to you on Monday about it. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:02 | |
- OK. Great. - All right. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
- See you, Justin! - OK, Tom. Good seeing you. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
I've been thinking. It has been a while since Dave left, | 0:05:06 | 0:05:10 | |
and I think I might be ready to start dating again. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
That's great! Oh, my God! I have so many ideas. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
You know, I was only with Mark for one night, | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
and then I was hung up on him for six years. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
I dated Dave for three months, so if I continue that pattern, | 0:05:19 | 0:05:23 | |
I won't be over him for... | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
..500 years. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
What is your ideal man? | 0:05:29 | 0:05:30 | |
He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of Joe Biden. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:34 | |
Interesting. OK. Just off the bat, | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
there's a couple of doctors I think you would love. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
What about Justin? | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
I mean, I feel like we kind of hit it off in there. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
Yeah, I don't... | 0:05:44 | 0:05:45 | |
I have to think about that. I'm not sure that would work. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
Really? Is there something wrong with him? | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
No, no, he's really, really, really great, | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
and you're so great, obviously. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
I just... I don't... I don't know. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
But I will find you someone, I promise, and he'll be awesome. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
I'm going to go do it right now. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:58 | |
Oh, good, great, yes! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
Go, Ann, go! Oh, just one rule. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
I don't want to date a twin, cos I've been tricked before. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:06 | |
OK. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
Yes. I understand your complaint. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
I have to go now. Please. Thank you. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:14 | |
- Ron Solo! - Hello, Tom. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
I want to help you with your assistant search. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
Why? | 0:06:18 | 0:06:19 | |
Just want to do my boy Ron a solid. I know exactly what you're looking for, | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
and I will find you a reliable person. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
Now get out there and find me an assistant. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
OK. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:35 | |
I left you three messages. Did you get them? | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
No, I've been running around. What's up? | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
I found the perfect guy to set you up with but he's going out of town | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
so he can only do tonight, so I came over here right after work. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
- Is that his blood? - What? | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
Oh, damn, now I have to go back. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Who is he? | 0:06:48 | 0:06:49 | |
His name is Chris. He's an MRI technician | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
and he's really cute, and he's very passionate about his job, | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
and I told him all about you, and he's really interested. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
So, dinner tonight, and here's the info. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
Thanks! Wait! How's he going to know it's me? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:02 | |
I'll wear a red rose in my hair. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
No, I'll wear a giant red hat. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:05 | |
No, I don't have one. What should I wear? It'll be red. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
I will just tell him what you look like. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
Good call. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:11 | |
Hi. I'm Leslie. Are you Chris? | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
- Yeah. - Sorry I'm late. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:15 | |
Oh, don't worry about it. You look beautiful. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
Thank you. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
Oh, here, let me take your coat. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:20 | |
- Thanks. - Sure. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
(Well done, Ann.) | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
- I actually heard that. - What? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
Well, I went to Wisconsin for both undergrad and grad school. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:30 | |
Go Badgers! | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
Boo! Indiana Hoosiers! | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
No. Badgers. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
Oh. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
It's not important. I'm just | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
glad that we could make this happen. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Ann kept going on about how wonderful you are, | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
and I just had to see for myself. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
Well, she's my number-one best friend. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
I wish she'd told me that you went to Indiana, but whatever. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
So, you're in charge of amusement parks, right? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
God, that's exciting! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
Actually, it's regular parks. Like swings and slides and stuff. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
Strike two. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:57 | |
You know, isn't it funny how these set-ups are always just so awkward? | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
Hey, watch this. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:07 | |
I will now extinguish this candle with my bare hand. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
OK. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
-Ow! -BLEEP! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:15 | |
- That really hurt! - Are you OK? | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
Oh, God! It looked so much easier on the internet. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
God, I've got to borrow some of your ice! | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
German? Oh, my God. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:28 | |
All right, later. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
Was that, uh, Justin? | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
Yes. We are going to lunch tomorrow. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
Great. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Did you guys ever date? | 0:08:38 | 0:08:39 | |
No. We never did. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
He's just, like, a really amazing person. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
- Awesome. - Let's do this! | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
Marley And Me! Puppies, puppies, puppies! | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
I know. Let's watch Marley And Me. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:52 | |
Brian. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
Technically, you'd be assisting Ron, | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
but Ron really doesn't do much government work, | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
so you'd really be working for me. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
I'm interested in real world expertise. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
I got a nightclub opening to go to. Which tie do I wear? | 0:09:05 | 0:09:10 | |
I like the one on the left. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
That was a trick question. The answer's this one. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
Tell me about you. Tell me about your friends. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
Be as superficial as possible. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
I meet a girl at a bar. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:21 | |
She seems kind of into me, could go either way. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
I get her number, it's two days later, what do I text her? | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
"It was nice meeting you." | 0:09:26 | 0:09:27 | |
No, Zack! I don't text her, "It was nice meeting you." | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
I wait eight weeks and I text her, "What's cracking?" | 0:09:30 | 0:09:34 | |
So, do you enjoy it, being an MRI technician? | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
Great question. Someone steps into the room. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
Imagine a mother of three, maybe she's a teacher. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
She knows something's wrong, but she doesn't know what it is. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
She's scared. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
In less than an hour, I know what it is. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
What's wrong with her? | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
I don't know. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
But the best part about being an MRI technician is, | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
I can see inside everything. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
See that guy over there? Imagine being able to look inside his head. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:03 | |
- Wow. - I know. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
You could look inside this steak or this butter or this bread. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
You can look inside anything. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
Well, if you look inside this bread, all you'll find is more bread. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
I don't know. I'd have to do an MRI. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
Anyway, it's good that you found your calling. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
I mean, I've never even had an MRI before. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
What? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:22 | |
I don't know about this. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Well, I'm offering you a free scan. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
It usually costs up to 2,000. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
I'm kind of spoiling you here. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
Well, I am a little curious. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
Good. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:37 | |
Frankly, I don't want to invest in someone | 0:10:37 | 0:10:38 | |
who only has three months to live. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
Oh. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:43 | |
I'm just trying to think of this as an adventure, you know? | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
Just getting right back on that horse, | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
even if that horse is crazy and wants to peer inside my body. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:52 | |
How's that feel? | 0:10:54 | 0:10:55 | |
Uh, weird. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:56 | |
Perfect. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:57 | |
Oh, you're not on your period, are you? | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
No. Does that matter? | 0:11:00 | 0:11:01 | |
Well, not for this. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
OK. It's going to be a little crammed in there. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
Don't worry, I'll be right on the other side of that glass. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
Just your basic assistant stuff. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:11 | |
Taking messages, wake-up calls, | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Muscle Milk runs, condom runs, | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
bottle service at the Snakehole Lounge. That kind of stuff. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
Sorry. What do I get out of this? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:19 | |
Connections. Plus 19 grand a year, | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
minus my 10% head-hunters' fee. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
I have to pay you two grand if I get hired? | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
I have a job to offer. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
In the immortal words of Rod Blagojevich, | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
-"BLEEP -is a valuable thing. You just don't give it away for nothing." | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
So you never told me where you're from. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
I'm from Pawnee. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:37 | |
Keep still, please. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:38 | |
What kind of music do you like? | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
Can I answer that? | 0:11:40 | 0:11:41 | |
Sure. Keep still. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
All kinds. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:44 | |
Very important that you keep still at this moment, Leslie. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
I've told you that a thousand times. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Did you ever break your arm? You can answer that. I'll turn it off. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
One time I was on my bike and some boys were making fun of me, | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
so I chased them and I lost control. | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
I'm surprised you can see that. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
It was, like, three years ago. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
I can't believe I turned the machine off for that. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
You never had any kids, right, Leslie? | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
No. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
You've got a great oven. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
OK, time to go. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
You got ample room in there. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:14 | |
Honestly, if you wanted to, | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
you could go triplets right off the bat, Leslie. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
You got a big, industrial-sized oven. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
So we're done, right? | 0:12:22 | 0:12:23 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
Sorry. I've got to get that. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
Hey! How's the date going? | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Good! We just finished the MRI. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
What? | 0:12:31 | 0:12:32 | |
I know I said that I wanted to get back out there, | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
but this guy is nuts. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:35 | |
Sorry, Les. I'll find you somebody else, OK? | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
Just don't let this sour you on dating. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Yeah, OK. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Hey! No cell phones! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:43 | |
What was that about? | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
I set Leslie up on a date. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:47 | |
I don't think it's going that well. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
Oh, no. With Justin? | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
Oh, no. This guy I know from the hospital. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
Why not Justin? | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
I don't really see them together. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
You know? Plus, Leslie just got out of a relationship, | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
so I didn't want Justin to be, like, | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
her rebound guy or anything, you know? | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Yeah, that makes sense. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
Leslie is a notoriously cruel and thoughtless person. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
Why are we talking about this? | 0:13:09 | 0:13:10 | |
We're not. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:11 | |
You've got a large brain. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
Thank you. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:15 | |
Yeah. Well, it looks pretty... | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
Hang on. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
That's weird. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
What? What's weird? | 0:13:21 | 0:13:22 | |
Your brain. See that shadow right there? | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
- Oh, my God! - Is that bad? | 0:13:25 | 0:13:26 | |
I don't know. I'd have a doctor look at that immediately. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
Are you serious? | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
Oh, wait. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:32 | |
Oh. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:36 | |
It's, like, a smudge or something. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
Crazy. Thank God I was here. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
Mark, I've never gone out with him. I swear! | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
I'm sorry, but there's something weird | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
about the way you talk about him. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:47 | |
I don't know. There was definitely times when we thought | 0:13:47 | 0:13:50 | |
maybe we would go out someday. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
That's why you didn't set Leslie up. Because you're saving him. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
No, I'm not. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Oh, yeah, you are. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:57 | |
OK, fine. You don't have someone in your life that you think, | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
"I don't know, maybe if things were different, maybe, some day..." | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
You know what? | 0:14:03 | 0:14:04 | |
You can't save somebody for the future while you're in a relationship. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
Even I know that. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:08 | |
Come on, don't go. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
I'll talk to you later. And by the way, the dog dies at the end. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:14 | |
So, did you want to go back to your place? | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
Actually, Chris, | 0:14:17 | 0:14:18 | |
it was nice to meet you, but I think this is going to be our last date. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:22 | |
I get it. Get your MRI and get out, huh? | 0:14:22 | 0:14:25 | |
This was your idea. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:26 | |
Clever lady. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
I guess I'm not as good a tech as I thought I was. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
I should have noticed that you're missing a heart. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
Ew. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
Goodbye, Leslie. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:35 | |
Right. I drove us here. Goodie. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:43 | |
Hey, do you mind if we pick up my son Nate | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
at his basketball game on the way back? | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
Wow! This is really good. "Cease and desist." | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
"Burden of proof." | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
Check out paragraph two. I drop the F-bomb. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
"Frivolous." | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
Definitely have the city attorney look at that, | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
but that should be enough to do the trick. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
Well, Justin, I just... I can't thank you enough. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
It's my pleasure. Maybe I'll see you around sometime. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
Yeah! I would love... Mmm-hmm. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
- I'll see you. - OK. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:11 | |
- Bye. - Bye. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
Damn! He is all right. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
Why don't you hit that? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Well, frankly, I would like to hit that... | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
..but Ann's being a little weird about it. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
When you were dating Ann, did you know this guy Justin? | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
Oh, Justin? I hate Justin. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
Ann was so obviously into him. It was so annoying. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
Right. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
I'd say in terms of guys that she's in love with, | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
Justin's up here, I'm up here, and then you're down here. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
Well, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy, | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
so, naturally, I came to you for reassurance. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:49 | |
Do me a favour. Don't tell Ann that we talked about this. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:53 | |
Will do. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
Ann Perkins! You should be ashamed of yourself. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
What you're doing to Mark is not cool. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
Why are you guys talking to each other? You know what? Forget it. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
- I'm not getting into this with you. - You did something wrong? | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
No! I didn't do anything wrong! | 0:16:04 | 0:16:07 | |
Come here. This is none of your business. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
You don't know what you're talking about. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
Actually, I do know what I'm talking about. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
Every time I used to sit around | 0:16:13 | 0:16:14 | |
all afternoon playing video games | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
wearing only my slippers, all of a sudden, | 0:16:16 | 0:16:17 | |
I would start to feel bad about myself, | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
and do you know why? | 0:16:20 | 0:16:21 | |
Didn't you just explain why? | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
I would feel bad about myself because | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
I would start to think about this perfect guy. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
Any time you would talk about Justin, | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
I didn't feel very important. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
That was rough. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:33 | |
Well, I didn't know that. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
Maybe if you had, I wouldn't have left. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:37 | |
But you do know now, so you have to choose. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
It's either me or Justin. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:41 | |
I'm not going to choose. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
- Wait. I'm dating Mark! - Are you, though? | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
- Yes! - Ah! That close. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
Ronald, I've done it. I've found your assistant, and he's dope. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
His name is Jean-Ralphio. Jean-Ralphio! | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
Big T. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:56 | |
What up? Mr Swanson, two things. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
One, it is an absolute honour to meet you. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
Two, who is that hot intern chick out there? | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
Because honestly, damn! | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
Take a seat. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:09 | |
Right. Here we go. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:10 | |
So, Jean-Ralphio... | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
You got him right here. Leave a message after the beep. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
Why do I want you as my assistant? | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
For starters, access to the illest clubs. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
And that's just for starters. I will work for you. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
I'll be on you 24/7. I'll be like your family. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
I'm here when you get here in the morning. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:25 | |
I'll be there tucking you into bed at night. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
Don't worry, it's not gay. Do we have questions? | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
I think our only question is, when can you start? | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Right now, let's do it! | 0:17:33 | 0:17:34 | |
Thank you for coming in. We will talk. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:38 | |
Cool. I feel good about this. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:39 | |
And you can hit me up on Facebook any time, | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
day or night. You know that, right? | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
- Take care, buddy. - Boom. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:44 | |
So what do you think of your new assistant? | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
I want to punch you in the face so bad right now. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
What? OK. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
Message received. I'll keep looking. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Thank you. Bring me the opposite of him. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
What kind of music is this? | 0:17:59 | 0:18:00 | |
It's rock'n'roll, my friend. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
Fast, smooth, handsome rock. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
That band is really blowing up right now. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
They're number one on iTunes. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:08 | |
OK. I'll take one. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
There's your change. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:15 | |
You are amazing! I like when you hang out here. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
I want to be your assistant. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
Really? You hate it here. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
So do you. I'll make sure you don't have to go to any meetings. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:31 | |
If anyone comes to see you, I'll scare them away. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:34 | |
Wait, April, if you had to choose between these two ties... | 0:18:34 | 0:18:38 | |
You're hired. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
I just figured I might as well get paid for being here. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:44 | |
Hi. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:47 | |
Hey! I was just calling you. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
Here. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:50 | |
This is a prescription for Denise Dogan. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:54 | |
Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I'm so out of sorts. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:57 | |
Here. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
Porter's Grill at 7:00. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
Justin's going to meet you there. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
I'm sorry Chris was such a jerk. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
You deserve way better than that. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
If this situation is weird or if you feel weird... | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
It's not weird. You guys will really like each other. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
Thanks. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:12 | |
I've got to run. I have another stop | 0:19:12 | 0:19:13 | |
on the pride-swallowing tour of City Hall. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
Go get him. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:17 | |
That's where I never find things. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:18 | |
- Hey. - Hi, Ann. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
So, I just set up Justin and Leslie. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
And I'm sorry. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
I rented District 9, | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
if you maybe wanted to spoil that for me tonight. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:19:36 | 0:19:37 | |
Dark ending, right? | 0:19:37 | 0:19:38 | |
'I'm back on the horse, and this horse is a lawyer,' | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
so I'm looking forward to riding him. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
No, wait. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
Ten months ago, | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
she was an intern who could give a C-R-A-P about local government. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
Now, she's our newest employee. To April! | 0:19:55 | 0:19:59 | |
- Cheers! - Cheers! | 0:19:59 | 0:20:00 | |
Yay! | 0:20:00 | 0:20:01 | |
Jerry, come and celebrate! | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
No, thanks. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:04 | |
Well, everybody, let's get back to work. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
Where are you going? | 0:20:10 | 0:20:11 | |
I want to talk to Ron about the size of my desk. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
Jerry, you have to schedule an appointment. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
OK. How about now? | 0:20:18 | 0:20:19 | |
Ron's not here. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:20 | |
He's right there. I can see him. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
I'll let you know when he's available. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:25 | |
Atta-girl. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:30 |