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We now go live to Councilman Bill Dexhart, | 0:00:01 | 0:00:04 | |
who's giving a press conference about his sex scandal. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
You are getting a rare glimpse at this exclusive, government-only event. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:15 | |
Each December, one department puts on a show | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
that spoofs what happened in our town. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
Prepare to laugh your Asnov! | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
Sid Asnov is a former city councilman. Some of the jokes are sort of inside. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:28 | |
Councilman Dexhart, you're involved in yet another scandal? | 0:00:28 | 0:00:32 | |
That's crazier than Mayor Gunderson's dog, Rufus. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
Yes, there is a new one, and it's a doozie. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
I don't want to go into the details, but let me just say | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
that it involves multiple women, a love child, | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
nurses, rabbis, priests... | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
Hey! | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
Well, I hope you can all join me at my fundraiser tonight. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
I am being supported, of course by the Glitter Factory and 1-800-Mattress. | 0:00:56 | 0:01:01 | |
Classic! | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
# Pawnee is a city that ain't very pretty | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
# And good government is our goal | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
# We may not be big And our mayor wears a wig | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
# But at least the raccoon infestation is under control | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
ALL: # It's the most wonderful time | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
# In Pawnee... # | 0:01:19 | 0:01:24 | |
Lot 48 was once a horrible and disgusting pit, | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
and now it's the site of Pawnee's Winter Wonderland. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
This could not be more perfect if I had planned it myself. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
Which I did. And it's awesome. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
So, let's talk skedge, guys. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
The kids are gonna come at 9.00am on Saturday, | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
and everyone's gonna do Santa for two hours, | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
so I would just advise everyone, | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
before you get in your costume, | 0:02:05 | 0:02:06 | |
to go to the bathroom, so we can avoid what happened last year. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
It was just farts. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
6.00pm, carolling with the youth choir, | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
and I am proud to announce, for the first time ever this year, | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
our tree lighting ceremony will be simulcast on internet radio. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
Thank you. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
-That's a really big deal. -It is. Thank you. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
Listening to that tree lighting is gonna be dope. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
OK. Any questions, direct them to me. Dismissed. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
Hey, there was a message for you on the work voicemail. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
Councilman Dexhart wants to meet with you | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
at 9.00pm, the Boardwalk Lounge. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
-Shut up. -No. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
I'm not scared. I got nothing to apologise for. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
I could've been a lot harder on him. He got off easy. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
And often. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:46 | |
Thank you, I'll be here all week! | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
You gotta tell me about him. I don't know anything about him. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
OK. He's 23, he's kind of my boyfriend, he's gay. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
Last year we got drunk and he took me to the Ice Capades, | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
and I didn't get him anything. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:00 | |
-And he's gay? -Yeah. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
Brokeback Mountain DVD. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
-No. -Fellas love that. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:04 | |
-No. -Does he already have, like, chaps? | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
-Like assless chaps? -You know what? Forget it. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
OK. Why are you asking me? | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
Because... I don't know. There's no one else to ask. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
At least you're kind of young. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
All right, I'll tell you what. I'm gonna think about it. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
Through the course of all day, I'm gonna mull it over. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:19 | |
It's all I'm gonna think about, but you're in good hands. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
I'm gonna come up with something really, really good. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
-Really? All right. -Yeah. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
-You got that? -Yeah. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Councilman Dexhart? I'm Leslie Knope. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Thank you for meeting me. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:31 | |
It's my pleasure. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
I am assuming this is about my performance | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
in the Government Follies last night. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
I'd just like to say that I have nothing to apologise for, | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
except for perhaps being too incisive. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
I don't want you to apologise. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
I want to know who told you. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
-Who told me? -Mmm-hmm. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
Nobody. Nobody told me nothing! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
What are we talking about? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:53 | |
Based on that skit, | 0:03:53 | 0:03:54 | |
I know you heard about the new scandal that's about to break. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
Who told you? Was it the babysitter? | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
Was it the nurse who delivered our love child? | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
-What? -All right, stop playing dumb. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:03 | |
You know damn well what happened. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
I got the babysitter pregnant, | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
then when she was in the delivery room, I had sex with not one, | 0:04:07 | 0:04:11 | |
but four nurses in a supply closet, | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
as well as a woman whose husband was getting a liver transplant. Mmm. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:17 | |
Now, which one of them told you? Was it the liver lady? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:22 | |
Well, I... No-one... I haven't... I haven't heard any of this, | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
ever, in my whole life. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Oh! | 0:04:28 | 0:04:29 | |
Believe me, I would have remembered this. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
OK. Well, in that case, | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
everything I just told you was just a funny prank. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
Oh! Hi! How was your meeting? | 0:04:41 | 0:04:45 | |
It was fine. Pretty straightforward. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
Short meeting. He's a busy guy. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Yes, very busy. Look at this article. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
No! | 0:04:53 | 0:04:54 | |
What the... | 0:04:56 | 0:04:57 | |
'The story of this story is that it won't stop developing. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
'The mystery woman who met with Councilman Dexhart last night | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
'appears to be a government employee named Leslie Knope.' | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
Oh, my God! Oh, God! | 0:05:08 | 0:05:09 | |
'According to unconfirmed reports in the Pawnee Sun, | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
'the two bent an elbow at this local watering hole, | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
'and although they left separately, | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
'no-one knows where they woke up together. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
'Perd Hapley, Channel Four News.' | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
All I did was write and perform in one amazing skit. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
Leslie, it's the Pawnee Sun. It's a tabloid. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
Nobody else has written about it. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:30 | |
Yeah, no one believes that garbage. Nobody even reads that thing. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
Leslie! What? Nice work, girl. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
Oh, God! How do I fight back? Give me some options. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:39 | |
Do you want me to seduce Perd Hapley? | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
How would that help? | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
I don't know. I just want to see if I can do it. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
April, I appreciate that, but I don't think it's something | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
worth losing your virginity over. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
Leslie, I don't know if this is important or not, | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
but I have heard a lot of very, very interesting chatter | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
around the shoeshine stand today. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
Oh, my God! Really? What have you heard? | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
A lot of things. Like, "Can you believe it?" | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
and, "The Parks lady boned Dexhart," | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
and, "Of course she did, she's totally good to go." | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
And one guy was like, "I wouldn't hit that." | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
And the other guy was like, "Me neither." | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
And then this third guy was like, "I would." | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
So I don't know if that's helpful at all. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
Well, keep your ear to the ground. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
OK. I'll just... | 0:06:19 | 0:06:20 | |
I'm not gonna let these people intimidate me. I'm gonna do my job. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:24 | |
I would be lying if I said that I never thought | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
I would be involved in an incident like this. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
Except I always assumed that I would be the politician | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
and the man would be accused of sleeping with me. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
And that man would be the Vice President, and I would be the President. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
OK, all right. Well, you look good. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
You need to put some tights on, though, | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
and I want you to make sure you keep your neckline nice and high. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
Leslie Knope? Alexa Softcastle, Pawnee Sun. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
Can I ask you a few questions? | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
Don't say anything. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
I'm not afraid to say anything. OK? I have nothing to hide. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
I'd never even met Councilman Dexhart before yesterday, | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
and that's all I'm gonna say about the matter. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
Some people are saying this isn't the first time | 0:06:57 | 0:06:58 | |
that you've had sex with a married councilman. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
-Who's saying that? -Some people. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
OK. This interview is over. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
-Go home, lay low. -The truth will come out. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
I can't! I have too much work to do. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
This department is not gonna deputy-direct itself. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
I think we can manage. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
Just give me your schedule and we'll cover for you. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
OK. I've made copies of Leslie's daily work schedule, | 0:07:19 | 0:07:23 | |
so we'll just split into teams, and each team will take... | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
Damn, 10 items, and we'll knock this out. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:33 | |
I swear to you, I never even met the guy before last night. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
It's OK. I believe you. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
-You do? -Of course. I think I know you pretty well, | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
and that doesn't sound like you. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
Thank you. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
If I ever see that guy, I'm gonna punch him right in the face. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
Yeah, that's sweet. Use your nightstick. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
Which meeting is this? | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
Reorganisation of Local Auditing Systems. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
-Kill me. -Right. First order of business. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
Leslie? Where's Leslie? | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
Oh, um, I gave her the day off, Paul. Thought that was best. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:06 | |
Oh, yeah. That's good. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:07 | |
So you'll be making the presentation, then, Ron? | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
Yep. Yes. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
Hey, so, that kind of brings us to what I wanted to talk to you about. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:18 | |
I... You know my Army reserve unit? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:22 | |
We got called up to active duty. I ship out in four days. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:28 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:08:28 | 0:08:29 | |
Where you going? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
San Diego. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:08:32 | 0:08:33 | |
It's not dangerous. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:34 | |
It's mostly maintenance. But I'm going for, like, a year. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:38 | |
Maybe 18 months. And I was kind of hoping | 0:08:38 | 0:08:42 | |
that maybe you'd want to come with me. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
Like, on a permanent type basis. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
Well, I don't know, it's kind of a weird question. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
I mean, I joined to put myself through college... | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
..and it's... I'm just a desk jockey, | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
but it's still... It's rewarding. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
So, yeah, I guess I'm in love with the Army. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:06 | |
Oh, Leslie? Well, yeah. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:11 | |
Yeah, I'm definitely in love with Leslie. That's affirmative. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:16 | |
I know this seems kind of fast, but I feel like we got something here. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:21 | |
-I do, too. -Yeah? -Yeah. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
You don't have to answer right away. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Well, you kind of do. I mean, I need to know soon. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
-Wow! -Yeah. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
Are you gonna go? | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
This whole Dexhart thing is not making me feel very attached to Pawnee right now. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:41 | |
-San Diego. Jeez. -Yeah. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
You could learn how to surf. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:44 | |
I know how to surf. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
I took lessons when I was a kid. I'm actually pretty good. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
I bet you are. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
I would miss Leslie like crazy. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Aw! | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
All right, sorted out that payroll issue, this is done. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:59 | |
"Bring a case of beer to Sanitation." Why? | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
Let's skip that one. They can buy their own beer. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
I'm getting hungry. Let's get something to eat. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
Hey, have you figured out what you're getting Ann for Christmas? | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
Oh, I got her a pretty great computer bag. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
Yeah? That's a terrible gift. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
No, no, Tom, she needs one. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
She mentioned it to me two months ago, and I wrote it down. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
That's what's called being an amazing boyfriend. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
Have you seen Ann? You know how hot she is? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
Men give women of that calibre speedboats, private jets, | 0:10:22 | 0:10:26 | |
not computer bags. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:27 | |
OK. What do you think I should get her? | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
Diamonds. Can't go wrong with diamonds. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
-Diamonds? -There isn't a woman alive | 0:10:31 | 0:10:32 | |
who doesn't love diamonds. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:33 | |
Even the super left-wing chicks that saw Blood Diamond and cried, | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
when they get a diamond, they're like, | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
"Yeah, bitch, give me more of them blood diamonds! | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
"Make them extra bloody." Trust me. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
'We are here looking at a videotape. This is back in April 2005. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:49 | |
-'We're looking at Councilman Dexhart...' -Leslie, you should see this. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:52 | |
'And he's now about to shake hands with Leslie Knope, | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
'the alleged sex toy.' | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
Oh, for cripes' sake! | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
-'Look at the way she's smiling at him. -Mm-hm. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
'And then almost unconsciously touching her hands to her hips. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
'See that? Right there. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:06 | |
-'It's like she's sending him a message that she's ready for childbearing. -Wow.' | 0:11:06 | 0:11:10 | |
In a 24-hour news cycle, | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
the tiniest story gets dissected over and over again. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
In 2004, a kid from Pawnee went to the Olympics, | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
and it was reported on for over a year. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
He wasn't even competing or anything, | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
he just was going, literally, to watch the Olympics. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
It was way too easy to get this guy here. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
Councilman Dexhart, this has gone far enough. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
I want you to hold a press conference and clear my name. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
Mmm... No, thanks. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:42 | |
Why not? What's in it for you? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
To be honest, being linked to Leslie | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
is a lot less damning than the real story. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
You're like a glass of whole milk. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
What are you, Lutheran? I love Lutherans. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
Councilman, with all due respect, get a grip. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
If you don't hold a press conference, | 0:11:56 | 0:11:57 | |
I'm gonna come forward and tell the whole story. | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
It won't do you any good. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:00 | |
Take it from me, denying only makes things worse. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
Listen, I gotta go. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:04 | |
I'm expected at two different maternity wards. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
But before I go, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
Should we? | 0:12:11 | 0:12:12 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:12:12 | 0:12:13 | |
People already think we did it. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
You've got nothing to lose. I'm very good. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:16 | |
-Get out of here! -All right, fine. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
-Shoeshine. Shoeshine. Oh! Hey! -Hey. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:23 | |
I've been thinking about your gay boyfriend all day. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
-I have got some awesome ideas. -OK. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
First idea, spray-tan gift certificates. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
Ugh. No. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
Trip to Germany? Germany is awesome. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:37 | |
And expensive. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
Good call. I didn't think of that. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
OK, you know how people say that you should give gifts | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
that you would want to get yourself? What would you want? | 0:12:43 | 0:12:46 | |
Easy. Indianapolis Colts' Reggie Wayne jersey, | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
number 87, double XL, home blue, | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
signed by Reggie Wayne right after he catches a touchdown to win the Super Bowl. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
-OK. Never mind. -No? | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
Hip-Hop Abs Dance Fitness DVD? | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
'We just received these exclusive photos. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
'We have pictures of City Councilman Dexhart...' | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
-My God! -'..with Leslie Knope...' -I cannot believe it! | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
'The big issue now is, who is this mystery woman? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
'She and Knope are standing very close to each other, | 0:13:11 | 0:13:15 | |
'and any time you see two women standing very close to each other...' | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
-Oh, no. No, don't say it. -'..you immediately assume...' | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
-Please don't say it. -'..lesbian. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:20 | |
-'Oh, of course.' -What? | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
'It is a veritable storm of information coming into the studios here today.' | 0:13:22 | 0:13:27 | |
Hi, this is Leslie Knope, and I would like Joan | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
to clear all of her guests tomorrow, | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
because I'm coming on the show. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:32 | |
If you think that you can drag me and my friend through the mud, | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
then you've got... Yes, I'll hold. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
-Unbelievable. -Hey. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
-What happened? -Got a call | 0:13:39 | 0:13:40 | |
from some panicky morning joggers. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
Apparently, Sanitation didn't empty this dumpster. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
To the raccoons' delight. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
I thought raccoons were supposed to be nocturnal. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
Not in this town, sweetheart. In this town, they're 24/7. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
We can't have raccoons for the Christmas thing. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
They'll hunt the kids for sport. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
'Fess up, guys. Who dropped the ball? | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
"Bring a case of beer to Sanitation." | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
"Bring a case of..." | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
Yeah, this one's our fault, Ron, and we will take care of this for you. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
OK, good, because I have to run a public forum, | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
supervise the maintenance crews, and teach crafts at the senior centre. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:14 | |
Simultaneously. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Joan, I just wanted to say thank you for letting me be on your show. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
I'm really happy that I have the chance to clear my name. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
Well, sure. I see you brought your girlfriend for support. That's nice. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:25 | |
What? Oh, no. She's not my... | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
And in five, Joan. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:28 | |
-She's a... -We're... Four. Three. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
You've got it wrong. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
Sex. Drugs, possibly. Rock 'n' roll? | 0:14:32 | 0:14:35 | |
We'll find out, on Pawnee Today's exclusive interview | 0:14:35 | 0:14:39 | |
with the woman at the centre of the Dexhart sex scandal, | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
Leslie Knope. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
Leslie, my first question has to be, when did the affair start? | 0:14:44 | 0:14:48 | |
Joan, I spoke with Councilman Dexhart | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
for the first time that night. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
We met for about 15 minutes, and then I went home, alone, | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
and that's the whole story. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
Well, Leslie, we all saw the tape from four years ago, | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
and you were flashing some serious "do me" eyes. That's just my opinion. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:05 | |
I don't understand why I'm on trial here. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
You should be grilling Councilman Dexhart. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
You know what? That's a really good idea. Let's bring him out! | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
Councilman, come on out! | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
Hi, sweetie. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:17 | |
Why didn't you tell me he was gonna be here? | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
I thought it'd be more exciting! | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
You look great. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:23 | |
It's like I'm invisible. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
OK, my name is Ron. You don't need to know my last name. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:32 | |
Whoever wants to talk, go ahead, and we'll be out of here in a tight 15. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:36 | |
I found a sandwich in one of your parks, | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
and I want to know why it didn't have mayonnaise. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
-What's so funny? -Oh. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
I don't think kids should be allowed on the playground equipment. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
OK. We've been over this. If you're worried about swine flu, | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
use hand sanitiser... | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
I'm not worried about swine flu. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:52 | |
I already had the swine flu. I'm worried about the turtle flu. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
-The turtle flu? -Turtle flu. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
Turtle flu. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
Joan, this whole Pawnee Sun story is "gotcha journalism" at its worst. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:04 | |
Honey, let's just keep our private life in the bedroom, where it belongs. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:07 | |
We do not have a private life! | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
Stop saying that we have a private life! | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
The fact is, we never slept together, | 0:16:11 | 0:16:12 | |
and if we did, you would have proof, | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
and we would have seen it by now. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:16 | |
Councilman? | 0:16:16 | 0:16:17 | |
I can prove it. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
She has a mole on her right buttock. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
What? That is a total lie. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
You've never seen my butt. What are you talking about? | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
He has never seen my butt. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
-Well, I guess it's your word against his. -That's right. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
Fine. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
Here, Joan. Why don't you look for yourself? | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
Is this happening? | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
Wait. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
There's no mole. There is no mole. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
This exclusive story, there is no mole on Miss Knope! | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
I can't believe it's come to this. This is utterly humiliating. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
Well, Councilman? Care to make a comment about No-Mole-Gate? | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
Yes. | 0:16:58 | 0:16:59 | |
I really didn't think that Miss Knope would pull down her pants on TV, | 0:16:59 | 0:17:04 | |
but since she did, | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
I will admit that the rumours of our affair are indeed false. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:11 | |
-Thank you. -However, I have no plans to resign. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
Oh, great. OK, Councilman. You know what? You're a class act. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
Thank you. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:18 | |
I thought you did great. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
When you get all feisty like that, it gets my heart racing. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
Like I'm on a Stairmaster, | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
except more, like, in a sexual... | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
..context. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
I can't go to San Diego with you. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
My life is here. My friends, my career. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
I guess I just thought with everything that happened, you'd want a fresh start. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:46 | |
I know. I really care about you, Dave. I just... | 0:17:46 | 0:17:50 | |
I love this town. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
I'm sorry. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:55 | |
You want your ticket back? | 0:17:57 | 0:17:58 | |
No. You know what? Keep it. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
You may want to come visit me, right? | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
There's a 75 change fee, but I could pay you that, or I could reimburse you. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:09 | |
There's a lot of ways we could handle that. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
-Oh! Oh! -That's... | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
Hey. Sorry I'm late. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:26 | |
Hey! | 0:18:26 | 0:18:27 | |
Honey. Honey, I'm so proud of you. Leslie Knope! | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
That took guts, mooning Joan Callamezzo! | 0:18:29 | 0:18:33 | |
-Aw! Honey! -Thanks, Mom. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Oh, God! Is something wrong with the tree? | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
No. Nothing wrong. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:39 | |
But it's almost 9.00. It should've been lighted up an hour ago. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
We waited for you. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
OK, everybody. Count down. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
ALL: Five! Four! | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
Three! Two! | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
One! Yeah! | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
It's gotten a lot harder to work in government. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:12 | |
You think Winston Churchill ever had to pull his pants down and show his butt? | 0:19:12 | 0:19:15 | |
No. But would he have? Yes. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
Now, could he have? Well, maybe not towards the end of his life, | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
but he would have. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
Because he loved his job. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
Ohh! Reggie Wayne! | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
Dude! You remembered me complaining about my computer bag! | 0:19:40 | 0:19:45 | |
Do you like it? | 0:19:45 | 0:19:46 | |
Yeah, it's perfect. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:47 | |
It's way better than the gift that I got you. It's Pacers tickets. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:52 | |
-Oh! -They're not even good seats! Ugh. -This is awesome! | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
It's not awesome. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:56 | |
I actually got you a second gift. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
You don't have to come to this game with me. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
You don't have to. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
-That's the nicest gift anybody's ever... -Is that good? | 0:20:06 | 0:20:07 | |
-Gotten me in my life! Yes! -Is that good? Come here. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:11 | |
Oh, thank God! | 0:20:11 | 0:20:12 | |
There's a bunch of messages waiting for you about a bunch of things I don't understand. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:16 | |
Hi, this is Leslie Knope in the Parks Department. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 |