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I just want to check one last time | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
that you're OK about this date with Mark. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
Oh, my God. I'm so fine with it, Ann. Seriously. It's so fine. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:08 | |
As long as you and I are cool. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
You know my code. Hoes before bros. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
- Uteruses before duderuses. - Got it. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
Ovaries before brovaries. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
You make such good coffee. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
Look, I know you're saying you're OK with it, | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
but I've been in this position before, | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
and I had a friend who dated an ex, | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
and I said I was OK, but I wasn't, actually. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
It was kind of weird. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:29 | |
But the thing is, Mark isn't my ex. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
You know, we slept together six years ago. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
Anyway, I'm over it. Or am I? I'm just kidding. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
Oh! LESLIE LAUGHS MANICALLY | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
This is one of my greatest brainstorms ever. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
A community garden, right in the middle of the pit. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:46 | |
We're encouraging people to just come out and plant whatever they want. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
And Tom and I sometimes get here early and help out. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
It's so hot. I had to get some more iced tea. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
People have just really embraced this | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
and planted the coolest stuff. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
And Tom is our master horticulturist. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
He knows all the scientific names for everything. Right, Tom? | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
- Yeah. - Like this. What's this, Tom? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
Those are, of course, tomatoes, or Soulja Boy Tell 'Ems. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
Whenever Leslie asks me for the Latin names of any of our plants, | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
I just give her the names of rappers. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
And those over there? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:14 | |
Those are some Diddys. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
Those are some Bone Thugs-n-Harmony-ums right here. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
Growing beautifully. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:20 | |
Those Ludacrises are coming in great. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
Look, someone planted something new. What's this? | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
What do you think, carrots? | 0:01:25 | 0:01:26 | |
If that's true, we have a garden pest on our hands. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
Maybe some kind of spice? | 0:01:31 | 0:01:32 | |
Yeah. You know, Leslie, the best way to figure out what kind of spice that is, | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
just roll it up into a joint and smoke it. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Ron, did you get my texts? | 0:02:00 | 0:02:01 | |
No. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:02 | |
- Did you get my e-mails? - Mmm-mmm. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
Did you see that I paged you? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
- I did not. - Did you check your voicemail? | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
I didn't. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:10 | |
We have a criminal emergency on our hands. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
Someone planted a gateway drug in the community garden. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
OK. Call the cops. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:16 | |
That'll leak to the press. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Then there'll be an investigation, | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
and they'll find my fingerprints on the manure, | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
and then we'll lose our funding. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:22 | |
You don't have funding. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
And we never will if this gets out. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:25 | |
Look, I will call the cops, | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
but just give me one day to deal with this internally, OK? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
- Sure. - Thank you. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
And listen, if this thing blows up, | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
SHE WHISPERS I was never here. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
I have a hernia. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
I've had it for a while. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
And I've been ignoring it... | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
..successfully. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
But this morning, I... | 0:02:50 | 0:02:51 | |
..made the mistake of sneezing. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
HE SNEEZES THEN HOWLS IN AGONY | 0:02:54 | 0:02:58 | |
But as long as I sit still and don't move my head... | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
..or torso... | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
..I'm good. I got this. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
We need to find out who we're dealing with. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
Who IS this person? Who IS this kingpin? | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
It's a 13-year-old kid named Stevie, who likes to get high, | 0:03:11 | 0:03:15 | |
and make his Transformers look like they're having sex together. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
I would like to be President someday, | 0:03:18 | 0:03:19 | |
so, no, I have not smoked marijuana. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
I ate a brownie once. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
At a party in college. It was intense. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:32 | |
Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:33 | |
It was just an insanely good brownie. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
You know, if we catch him, then we avoid a scandal. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
Cos we flip the headline, and it's not, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
"Community Garden Infested With Pot." | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
It's, "Brave Public Servants Rid Neighbourhood of Drugs, | 0:03:43 | 0:03:47 | |
"Earn Praise from Mayor, comma, Everyone." | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
We got to catch this guy. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
Get the van, meet me at 7:00. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
It's stakeout time. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
April? | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
- Yeah? - Get my lunch for me, please. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
OK. Like, order you something? | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
No, get it. From there. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
Is this some kind of weird power trip? | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Please. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
Thank you. That'll be all. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
You're welcome. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
LESLIE: I have stakeout supplies. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
This is stuff that we're probably going to need. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
We have notepads, pencils and pencil case. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:40 | |
Shakeable whipped cream. Cameras. Pork. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
And...candy necklaces. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
It's like we're real police. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:50 | |
And I made us a mix CD. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
It's all filled with songs about people watching people. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
It's mostly Sting. And look, I put our faces on there. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
It's really cool. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
Are you going to wear that shirt? | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
Yeah. You like it? | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
Tommy Hilfiger? | 0:05:04 | 0:05:05 | |
No. Tom Haverford. I spent 120 bucks to get it monogrammed. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
Everyone thinks it's Tommy Hilfiger. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
Well, here. You should be wearing something like this. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:11 | |
Take this. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
Wear black. Black is what you wear on a stakeout. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
OK, I have to figure out how this works. Just let me focus up on this. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
Pretty bummed this fits. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:20 | |
OK, now I need to just take a test shot and see how this goes. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
Test shot. You ready? Just focus up on the pit. All right. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
- Stop. - Focus up right where the... | 0:05:26 | 0:05:27 | |
- Stop. - Focus up right where the weed is... | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
Stop. Stop. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:31 | |
Leslie swears it's OK. So I'm going out with Mark. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:36 | |
I got to get back out there. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:37 | |
When Andy and I used to go to the movies, | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
he would always try to guess the ending of the movie. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
And he would always guess | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
that the main character had been dead the whole time. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:48 | |
Even when we saw Ratatouille. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
Oh, look. It's Mark. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
CAMERA CLICKS FURIOUSLY | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
- What are you doing? - What? | 0:05:59 | 0:06:00 | |
I'm just checking to make sure this lens works. Good. Yeah. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:04 | |
- Hey, Ann. - Hey. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
So, you ready to go? | 0:06:10 | 0:06:11 | |
Oh, no. I need another hour to get ready. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
Seriously? Cos I think the movie starts in, like... | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
Oh, you're joking around right now. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
Wow. This is going to be fun (!) | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
Yeah, well, you know, with a body like this, | 0:06:22 | 0:06:23 | |
you don't get the brains, too. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
- Ew! - Silly. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
TOM: Whoa! Are they dating now? Brendanawicz is the man! | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
This is Brendanawicz's life. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
Hot chick from the newspaper, hot chick from the post office, | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
hot chick from the hospital. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:38 | |
Her name's Ann. You know her name. Her name's Ann. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
I'm just saying. Nobody turns him down. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
I did. TOM LAUGHS | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
- Yeah (!) - Yeah, I did. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:46 | |
We were drunk, and he tried to kiss me, and I said, | 0:06:46 | 0:06:50 | |
"No, sir, Mark Brendanawicz. I don't need your business here." | 0:06:50 | 0:06:55 | |
Get down! | 0:06:55 | 0:06:56 | |
Working late? | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
Yep. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:12 | |
# Shovel guitar, shovel guitar | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
# Somebody wants to play shovel guitar... # | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
Leslie's been playing shovel guitar for about an hour now. Longer. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:34 | |
# Bucket drum, bucket drum... # | 0:07:34 | 0:07:37 | |
You're not from here, right? | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
No. I'm from South Carolina. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
But you moved to South Carolina from where? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
My mother's uterus. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:43 | |
But you were conceived in Libya, right? | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
Wow. No. I was conceived in America. My parents are Indian. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
Where did the name Haverford come from? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
My birth name is Darwish Sabir Ismael Gani, | 0:07:51 | 0:07:55 | |
and I changed it to Tom Haverford because, you know, | 0:07:55 | 0:07:59 | |
brown guys with funny-sounding Muslim names | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
don't make it really far in politics. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
- What about Barack Obama? - OK, yeah, fine, Barack Obama. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
If I knew a dude named Barack Obama was going to be elected President, | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
yeah, maybe I wouldn't have changed it. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
Oh, did you hear that noise? | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
Oh, my God. It's the kingpin! | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
Write this down! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
OK, white male, light brown hair. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
TOM: Just take pictures! | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
Oh, my God, it looks like Andy. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
That IS Andy. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
That is Andy. Andy is the kingpin. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
Andy. Come here. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
Oh, hey, you guys! What are you doing here? It's so good to see you! | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
Shh! Quietly! | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
What happened? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:38 | |
- You're living in the pit now? - For now, yeah. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
It's awesome. Somebody just planted a garden down there. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
Fruits and vegetables, so I'm getting a lot of vitamins... | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
But that's our community garden! | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
Yeah, and SOMEONE planted a whole mess of weed next to the tomatoes. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:51 | |
Oh, don't look at me. There's weed down there? | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
I thought that was the tops of carrots. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
Right, I know. Me, too. Listen, we're on a stakeout, OK? | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
So why don't you come to the van and help us? | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
We're trying to catch the guy. Maybe you could tell us what you've seen. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
I was supposed to have a rock fight with this crazy guy. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
He's, like, 20 minutes late. All right. Let's do it. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
< Do you live here? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
April? | 0:09:12 | 0:09:13 | |
Yeah. Do you live here? | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
No. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
Catch. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
Yeah, I thought so. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:22 | |
I went home, but I had this strange feeling | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
that there was something wrong with you, so I came back. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
It's just a minor medical issue. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
AIDS? | 0:09:30 | 0:09:31 | |
No. I'm safe. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:32 | |
Blindness? | 0:09:32 | 0:09:33 | |
No. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Is it like a parasite or a virus or something you get from a bee? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
I have a hernia. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
- Do you have syphilis? - I said, it's a hernia. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
I know. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
It's possible to have two things. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Do you need a ride to the hospital? | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Yes, please. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:49 | |
OK. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:50 | |
But I rode my bike here, so I have to go home | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
and get my dad's station wagon. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
Thank you. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:55 | |
Bye. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:56 | |
SHE MIMICS FOOTSTEPS | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
Are you still here? | 0:10:01 | 0:10:02 | |
Yeah. I just wanted to see if you could tell. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
Are you still here? | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
ANDY: It is really great to have somebody to talk to. Man, oh, man! | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
So how's Ann? She's doing good? | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
Oh, I miss her so much, it's ridiculous. How's she doing? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
Doing good tonight. She's out on a... | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
Ann is great. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
And I bet she really misses you. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
I'm going to need more of these if I'm going to stay up tonight. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
Is that candy? | 0:10:31 | 0:10:32 | |
Yeah, it's a necklace made out of candy. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
- You want one? - Oh, all right! | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Great. All I've had is fruits and vegetables for weeks now. Mmm! | 0:10:36 | 0:10:40 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:10:42 | 0:10:43 | |
You know, there's a string in there. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
Not in this one. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
Instant sugar high! Sugar high! | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
Sugar hit high! Sugar high! High! Oh! | 0:10:53 | 0:10:58 | |
Are you OK? | 0:10:58 | 0:10:59 | |
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! | 0:10:59 | 0:11:00 | |
Sugar slam! | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
Maybe we should get you something more substantial to eat. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
Mmm-hmm. I'm in. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
TOM: Hey, bring me back two cheeseburgers and a green tea! | 0:11:06 | 0:11:10 | |
Oh, come on! You got to be kidding me! | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
ANN: So, that was fun. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
MARK: Yeah. It really was. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
Surprisingly fun. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:25 | |
You know what? I have been a perfect gentleman this evening. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
In fact, watch this. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
I would like you to now please invite me in for a nightcap. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
- Not a chance. - No, no, no. Just... | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
Watch what I'm going to do. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:36 | |
- Oh, OK. - Just ask me in for a nightcap. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
- Will you come in for a nightcap? - Yes, I will. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
No, no! Damn! Drat! I was going to plan to not... | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
- Wait, wait, wait. - To say no... | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
Look, that guy's trying to break into that van. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
You know what, it does look like he's breaking into that van. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
I just... HE DIALS NUMBER | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
- '911.' - Hi, there. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
So, Andy, do you, like, spy on Ann from the pit? | 0:11:57 | 0:12:01 | |
No. No. I just like being nearby. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
That way, if she wants me back, | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
I can be at her house, like, in two seconds, | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
before she changes her mind. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
I don't really know how healthy that is. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
I mean, you guys aren't even dating anymore. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
She might be dating somebody else. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
- Is she? - What? | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
- Is she dating somebody else? - Huh? What? | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
You just said Ann might be dating somebody else. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:23 | |
- Is she? - I didn't say that. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:24 | |
- Who is she dating?! - Nobody. Mark. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
That's cool. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:29 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
641 to base, I'm at the vehicle now. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
How you doing tonight, sir? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
I'm all right, Officer. How are you? | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
I'm responding to a 911 call | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
about a suspicious person breaking into a van. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
I need you to step out and show me some ID. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
No, it's OK. My name is Tom Haverford. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:51 | |
I work for the Parks Department. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
I just got locked out of the van. I had to jimmy my way back in. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
Well, why don't you jimmy your way out and show me some ID. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:59 | |
Well, I just told you my ID. So, what's the crime here? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
Parking while Indian? | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
No, there's no stereotypes about Indians sitting in vehicles. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
All right, fine. Here's my ID. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:10 | |
Nice job, Paul Blart! Why don't you head back to the mall, | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
make sure nobody's breaking into Lady Foot Locker? | 0:13:14 | 0:13:16 | |
Hey! I'm very close right now | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
to placing you under arrest for disorderly conduct. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
Step out of the van. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:22 | |
I'll step out of your mama's van! | 0:13:22 | 0:13:23 | |
TOM SQUEALS I didn't do anything! | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
I'm a city employee, man! Come on! Leslie! | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
Motion sensors. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:13:37 | 0:13:38 | |
Excuse me! What are you doing? | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
What happened to the guy that was in that van? | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
Cops took him. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:45 | |
What? Oh, my God! | 0:13:45 | 0:13:46 | |
- Ann and Mark! - Andy! | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
- (WHISPERS) It's Ann and Mark! - Andy? | 0:13:49 | 0:13:50 | |
- Leslie? - Oh! | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
- Leslie Knope. - Hey! | 0:13:52 | 0:13:53 | |
- Hey! - Wow. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
We caught a criminal. Do you know about this? | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
Yeah, he was breaking into this van and they dragged him away. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:01 | |
It was crazy. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
Right here. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:04 | |
What are you doing here? | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
If you could just stop writing for a second, | 0:14:08 | 0:14:09 | |
and just focus here, because... | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
Ma'am, ma'am, as I've told you several times already, | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
this is a police matter. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
Well, it doesn't seem to MATTER to the police! | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
OK. Nice job with that. But let's... | 0:14:19 | 0:14:21 | |
Let me ask you a question. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:22 | |
Is it the policy of the Pawnee Police Department | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
to arrest people when they try to get into their own van? | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
No. And thankfully, that's not what happened. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
Now, could you please go home, and get some sleep, | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
and let this matter be resolved? | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
MARK: Thank you, Officer. Let's just go home, Leslie. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:34 | |
ANN: Yeah, let's go home. Let's just go home. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:35 | |
SHE SHOUTS No! No! | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
- No! - Easy! | 0:14:39 | 0:14:40 | |
No! No, no, no, no, no! | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
- OK, come with me, please. - Fine! I'd like to come with you. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
Your friend, he acted like an ass. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:45 | |
And you got to believe me, he didn't give me a choice. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
Your name's Dave, right? Can I call you Dave? | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
My mother likes David, but I'm pretty split on it, 50-50. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
Hate to break it to you, Dave. You really stepped in it. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
- What? - I'm a government employee, David, | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
and so is your prisoner. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
If I wanted to, I could get on the horn, | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
and I could have Ron Swanson down here, kicking down your doors. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Yeah, that's right. You heard me. RON SWANSON. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
What branch of government are you in? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
Parks and Recreation. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
Parks and Recreation? | 0:15:18 | 0:15:19 | |
Yes. Do I stutter? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Look, Ms Knope, it wasn't just his behaviour, OK? | 0:15:21 | 0:15:25 | |
I think your friend might be some kind of a pervert. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
No. Look, that's what people think when they first meet him, | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
but he's all talk. It's just... | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
No, I'm being serious. We searched the van | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
and we found a lot of disturbing things. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
Some professional photography equipment, | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
and these pictures of some people on a date. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
We also found an enormous amount of manure, | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
and a very inappropriate amount of candy. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:46 | |
OK, look. Tom and I were in that van together. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
We were staking out the community garden, | 0:15:49 | 0:15:50 | |
because somebody planted marijuana in it. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
I brought the candy and I brought a lot of it, because I love candy. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
I took the pictures. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
My best friend was going on a date with my ex-lover. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
It's been a very long night. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
But Tom is not a pervert, and he shouldn't be in jail. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
Well, they're going to release him in a little while. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
Thank God! | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
Should I get you guys home right now? | 0:16:13 | 0:16:14 | |
You know, you two go ahead. I'm going to stay here and wait for Tom. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
Are you sure? | 0:16:18 | 0:16:19 | |
Yeah, prison changes a man. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
I think he'll probably want to see a familiar face | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
when he gets back on the outside. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
Well, OK, then. See you, Leslie. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
Yo. I had to wait till my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:38 | |
You ready? | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
I was born ready. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:41 | |
I'm Ron (BLEEP) Swanson. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
Easy. Care...argh! | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
Careful! | 0:16:51 | 0:16:52 | |
Aargh! Take...aargh! | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
Ann, I really don't think you should invite me in. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
Terrible things happened last time. ANN LAUGHS | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
So, I guess I'll just see you tomorrow. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
- OK. - OK. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
- Bye. - Um... | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
Hey. You kind of kissed me. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
Yes, I did! | 0:17:16 | 0:17:17 | |
And now we both have herpes. I'll see you later. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
Leslie. Thanks for waiting. I appreciate it. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
Mother Teresa, it's not your chocolate. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
Don't... Get your hands off that. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
- Wake up. - What? | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
Is this your house? Where are we? | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
Hey. You're awake. > | 0:17:45 | 0:17:46 | |
Oh, yeah. Thanks for the coat. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:50 | |
It's no problem. You can keep it. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:51 | |
Really? | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
Actually, no. I need that for my uniform. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:57 | |
But I can give you a ride back to your car. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
OK. And we'll talk about the coat. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
I can't give it to you. Do you understand? | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
So, where's that marijuana at? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
It's down in the garden. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:10 | |
Good meeting you, man! | 0:18:10 | 0:18:11 | |
We should grab a drink or something sometime. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
I just hope that Ann and Mark got home OK. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
That's all that matters, you know? | 0:18:17 | 0:18:18 | |
That Ann is home and she's OK. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
And that Mark is also OK and he is in his home. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
Just important that they're both in their homes... | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
Leslie! Mark's an idiot. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
You can do a lot better than him. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
Forget about him. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
Thanks, Tom. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
I didn't mean me. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:35 | |
Keep it in your pants, Knope! | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
I swear to God, it actually... It was there... | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
These are carrots. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
Duh! You don't think I know the difference | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
between carrots and marijuana? | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
Is that the house there, where your best friend lives? | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
Where she saw the van from? | 0:18:52 | 0:18:53 | |
Yeah. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
- OK. I get it. - What? | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
Well, you wanted to check up on your friend and that guy, your ex, | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
so you made up a story about weed | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
so you could stake out their date. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
No, I did not. There actually was weed here... | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
It's OK. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
I think it's kind of cute. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
I like Miss Knope. I liked her. I got to say, I... | 0:19:14 | 0:19:17 | |
When I first met her I didn't care much for her, | 0:19:17 | 0:19:20 | |
because, like 99% of the people in any given day of my life, | 0:19:20 | 0:19:24 | |
she was very belligerent and disagreeable. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
Miss Knope was attractive to me. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
As a man, I was attracted to her in her demeanour. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:34 | |
I was attracted to her in a sexual manner that was appropriate. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:38 | |
Can we not...I don't want to talk about this anymore. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
What a crazy night! Huh, partner? | 0:19:42 | 0:19:45 | |
Want to go get some breakfast? | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
What? No! Take me home. What's wrong with you? | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
"EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE" BY THE POLICE COMES ON CAR STEREO | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I can't believe this is on! | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
- I wonder if mini golf is open... - Home! | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
Anndanawicz! What are you guys doing? Eating? Love it! | 0:20:02 | 0:20:06 | |
Oh, hey, just wanted to thank you | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
for having me arrested as a pervert the other night. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:09 | |
That was cool (!) Peace! | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
We didn't think you were a pervert, | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
we thought you were a criminal. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:15 | |
For the record, I still actually kind of think he's a pervert. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:20 |