Browse content similar to Jerry's Painting. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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Good morning, Ben. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
-Oh. Sorry. -Sorry. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:05 | |
-Did I scare you? -No. -I just wanted to remind you | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
of the art show that's happening tonight at the Community Centre. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
-Great. -Yeah. -Well, that sounds cool. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
That sounds like something that'll be a big success, you know? | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
I mean, like everything that you, uh, that you put | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
your... your paws on, your fingers. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
Leslie Knope! Ben Wyatt. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
Ben, great news. Do you remember the woman I told you about | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
-from the County Commissioner's office? -Um, vaguely. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
Sure you do. Cindy Miller. Anyway, she's agreed to go out on a date with you. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:32 | |
Oh, you asked her out for me? | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
And you're going to love her. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
She is interesting, smart, and beautiful, inside and out. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
Inner beauty is very important. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
And outer beauty is also very important. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
I thought you had a rule about inter-government relationships. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:49 | |
Oh, don't worry. Her department is completely separate from ours. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
This isn't anything like your affair with Tom Haverford. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
We weren't...you...you... Thank you. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
I love setting people up. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Here's my secret. | 0:00:58 | 0:00:59 | |
I determine someone's best qualities, | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
and then I find someone else with compatible qualities. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
And I bring them together. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
Ugh. God, this sucks. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
Oh. Why don't you just go home for the rest of the day? | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
I can't go home, cos I have this art-show opening | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
at the Community Centre. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
And I can't stay here because I see Ben. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
And I can't date Ben because of Chris's stupid rules. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
-I feel so... -Powerless. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
Yeah. I'm like that light bulb. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
Weak, flickering, barely giving off any light, | 0:01:48 | 0:01:52 | |
unable to make out with the light bulb I want to make out with. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
You know what might make you feel better? | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
-A hug? -Paxil. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
-Do you want me to get you a prescription? -Ugh. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Hey, Tom, uh, question for you. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
Do you know anyone who's looking for a roommate? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
-How hot? -I...what? | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
How hot is the woman that's looking for a place to stay? | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
-No, it's me. I'm looking. -Oh, come on, that's not fair. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
-You shouldn't have led me to believe it was a beautiful woman. -I didn't. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
I've been staying at the Pawnee Supersuites Motel for seven months. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:22 | |
It's a charming little inn | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
with wonderfully random wake-up calls, | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
delightfully unstable temperatures, | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
and, as of yesterday, bedbugs. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
-"Four stars!" -says nobody. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
This is awesomely perfect. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:35 | |
Burly just moved in with his rich girlfriend, | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
and we need help with the rent. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
-We have a couple house rules, though. -Yeah, sure. Of course. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
You can't use the front door. You have to climb in through the back window. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
No personal phone conversations. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:46 | |
If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal usted. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
And no electricity after 6pm. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
She's joking! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
-OK. -You can use as much free electricity as you want. It's free. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
Couple more rules. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
If you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
so we can see whether or not you've been crying. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
There's no noise allowed on Mondays | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
and no TV after breakfast. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
She is lying again. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
Cos it's hard to tell. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
No. We leave the TV on all day long | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
so burglars think that we're home when we're not, | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
which is my idea that I'm trying to patent. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
So you want to move in tonight? | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
Yeah. Sure. That'd be great. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
-You want my gum? -Mm-hmm. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
Ugh. Ron, can you make the opening remarks? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
I just... I'm not in the mood. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
Neither am I, ever. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
What's wrong with you? You live for this kind of stuff. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
I don't have it in me right now. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:41 | |
Ron, please, do it for me. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
Make the speech. Ron. Please. Please. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:45 | |
-Give the speech, Ron. -No. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
-Yes. Please. Ron. -No. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
Please. Please give the speech. Please give the speech. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
-No, I won't. -Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes... | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
-No way. -Please. Please. Please. -No. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
-Yes. Yes. Yes. -All right! Damn it, woman. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
OK, everyone, shut up! | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
And look at me! | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Welcome to Visions of Nature. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
This room has several paintings in it. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
Some are big. Some are small. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:07 | |
People did them, and they are here now. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
I believe that after this is over, | 0:04:10 | 0:04:11 | |
they'll be hung in government buildings. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
Why the government is involved in an art show is beyond me. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
I also think it's pointless | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
for a human to paint scenes of nature | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
when they could just go outside and stand in it. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
Anyway, please do not misinterpret the fact | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
that I am talking right now as genuine interest in art | 0:04:25 | 0:04:29 | |
and attempt to discuss it with me further. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
End of speech. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
Oh, yeah, it's a mess. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
LOUD CRUNCH | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
Could you throw that in the trash can? | 0:04:47 | 0:04:48 | |
I was just here, like, three weeks ago for your wedding. What happened? | 0:04:48 | 0:04:52 | |
Well, I always think April's going to clean up. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
-And I never clean up. -It's cute, right? | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
-No. -Yes, it is. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
MARBLES ROLLING | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
Are you guys frying marbles? | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
We were checking to see if the fire alarm worked. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
It doesn't. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:06 | |
So for my painting, | 0:05:09 | 0:05:10 | |
I chose one of my very favourite Greek myths. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
The centaur goddess Dyaphena slaying a great stag. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
-It's, uh, stunning. -It's breathtaking, Jerry. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
-Yeah. Really is. -Wow. Thanks, guys. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
Hey, Leslie, you should really come over here and look | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
-at Jerry's painting. -Oh. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:29 | |
That's me. Is that me? | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
What? No. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:37 | |
-Oh, jeez, it does look like you. -You're just realising that now? | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
That's what you see when you close your eyes at night, Jerry. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
Topless Leslie glued to a horse. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
OK, Leslie, I am just so, so sorry. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
Dyaphena, she is this powerful goddess. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
And I've been thinking a lot about powerful women. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
And subconsciously, I painted you. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
I'm sorry. I'm going to take it right down. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
No. Leave it up. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
I love it. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
I don't know how to explain it. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
Every time I look at it, I just think to myself, | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
"what can't that centaur woman do?" | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
Besides ride an escalator and drive a car. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Art can be so magnificent. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:16 | |
Oh, my God. The baby is Tom. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:17 | |
What? | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
This is easily my favourite painting ever. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
What the hell, Jerry? Look at my potbelly. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
I look like a pregnant baby! And why am I so scared? | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
All right, we got to take this down now. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
It isn't going anywhere, Tom. Hello, fellow lover of the arts. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:32 | |
Welcome to the painting. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
What, is that you? | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
-Looks hot. -Thank you. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
This guy's in it too. He's the little fat baby. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
Oh. We've been trying to get that light fixed for months. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
-Thank you. -Thank her. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
Good morning, Tom. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
She marched into my office this morning | 0:06:53 | 0:06:54 | |
and told me she wouldn't leave until I got this done. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
Hmm. Well, I'm glad someone's feeling good. | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
They're going to hang that painting in a public building | 0:06:59 | 0:07:03 | |
where anybody can see it. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
In one brushstroke, Jerry has killed | 0:07:05 | 0:07:07 | |
the Jay-Z vibe that's taken me years to cultivate | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
and replaced it with a fat, brown, baby vibe, | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
which is not as cool of a vibe. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
Hey, Aphrodite, Chris needs you in his office. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
Why am I upset? | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
Uh, let's start with government-funded animal porn. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
Oh, I'm not sure that's fair. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
I want it destroyed, and I want a statement from this office | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
apologising for an obscene depiction of bestiality. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
-Bestiality? -It is a picture of a centaur, | 0:07:29 | 0:07:33 | |
a beautiful half person, half horse. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
And how did it get like that? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
Who had sex with what and gave birth to which? | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
Miss Langman, we hear you, we understand you, | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
and we are going to do whatever we can | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
to come to a solution. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
Destroy it. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
Destroy it? I mean, is she serious? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Do you find this personally offensive? | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Not personally, no. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
No, personally, I enjoy a good artistic depiction of the human form. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
I've dabbled in nude sculpture. I've posed nude. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
In college, I was in a nude production of Cats. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
-Mm. -But I am not in the nude now, am I? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
Because we're in a government building. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
And that would be inappropriate, | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
which is what I think Marcia is saying. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
So take care of the situation. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
That painting is not going to be destroyed. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
Every great work of art contains a message. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
And the message of this painting is, "get out of my way | 0:08:19 | 0:08:23 | |
"unless you want an arrow in your ass, Marcia." | 0:08:23 | 0:08:27 | |
Fork. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
Fork. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:33 | |
Morning, roomie. How'd you sleep? | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
Well, there were no bedbugs. Also no bed. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
I'm going to go buy a bed. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
-Fork. -I'm sorry, are you eating turkey chilli off of a Frisbee? | 0:08:42 | 0:08:47 | |
It's pretty cute, right? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
No. Do you know what "cute" means? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
What have you got against turkey chilli for breakfast? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
What have you guys got against washing dishes? | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
We don't have any dishes, OK? Burly took them all when he left. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
Now I bet you feel like a jerk. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
Oh, God. OK, I might need to not stay here any more. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
No. Sorry, dude. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
We already spent your money on a new Xbox 360 and more Frisbees to eat off of. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
-You got to stay. -Oh, God. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:11 | |
OK. All right. Here's the deal. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
TAKEOUT BOX CRUMPLES | 0:09:14 | 0:09:15 | |
We're going to clean this place up, OK? | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
And then I'm going to teach you how to be adults. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
Cool. We'll get to be adults. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
Gee, golly, thanks, Mr. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
Fork. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Hello, I'm Perd Hapley | 0:09:29 | 0:09:30 | |
and welcome to Ya' heard? With Perd. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
Today's show begins now. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Is this art, or is it pornography? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Here to answer this question | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
is Parks and Recreation deputy director Leslie Knope. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
Perd, it is a beautiful work of art. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
Governments should not be in the business of censorship, | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
especially when a painting is as awesome as this one. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:49 | |
But this is where the controversy | 0:09:49 | 0:09:50 | |
of this story gets even more controversial. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
You are the subject of this painting, | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
half woman, half horse, | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
with what some would say are human breasts. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
I am not the subject. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
The subject is strong and empowered women everywhere. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
But it does look a little bit like me. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
Leslie, for our viewers at home who might not know, | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
are centaurs real? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
-No. -You absolutely sure? | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
OK. So you always separate your lights from your darks. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
That's racist. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:21 | |
And then you get your laundry... Where's your laundry detergent? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
Right. Here we are. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
OK. This is, uh, bubble bath. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
You guys, you wash your clothes in bubble bath? | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
Eh, bubble bath, clothes soap, same thing. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
No, it's not. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Well, they both make bubbles, so... | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
Also joining us today is a different person, | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
pornographic film actress Brandi Maxxxx. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
Pleasure to be here. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:45 | |
Brandi, you've starred in over 200 adult films, | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
some which are very good. When'd you get in the business? | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
-Last year. -Fantastic. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:52 | |
Now, this painting right here, art or pornography? | 0:10:52 | 0:10:56 | |
Perd, I think this whole debate is ridiculous. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
What Leslie and I do is obviously art. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
Oh, hang on. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
Um, there's a big difference between an oil painting | 0:11:03 | 0:11:06 | |
of a Greek myth and a pornographic movie. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
-It's OK, Leslie. I got this one. -What? | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
What Leslie and I want people to know is | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
you should be able to have sex anywhere you want and show it anywhere you want, | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
whether it's girl-on-girl action, bondage, or what have you. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:19 | |
OK. Hang on. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
Pornography is very difficult to define. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
Um, in fact, it was Justice Stewart who once said, | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
"I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it." | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
Brandi, how would you define pornography? | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
For me, it's when the penis goes in. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
All right, we need to do some basic organisation. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
Where do you put your bills when they come? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
I read the magazines and give the rest to Andy. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
Which I organise into a pile or stack | 0:11:45 | 0:11:49 | |
that I put into the freezer. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:50 | |
-Why? -So they won't get lost. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:54 | |
Bingo. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
OK, you have to pay these. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
Good thing I didn't lose them. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
Imagine my horror. I'm hanging upside-down with my gravity boots | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
watching Perd. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:09 | |
I see you with your painting | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
and I am startled and disappointed. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Well, I did not know that Brandi was going to offer me a role in her next film. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
I urge you not to take that role. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
I'm not going to take the role. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
That's good to hear, because, recently, | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
you've been a little unpredictable. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
I'm sorry that I'm trying to defend | 0:12:25 | 0:12:26 | |
a beautiful work of art. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
-Thank you, Leslie. -Stand down, Jerry. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
-This isn't your fight. -You've left me no choice. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
I've convened a meeting of the public arts commission, | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
and we will abide by their decision. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
Fine with me. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
OK. Here is a list of errands | 0:12:38 | 0:12:42 | |
and things that human adults need. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
Also, I'm giving you an advance on next month's rent. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
And I want you guys to go to Bed Bath & Beyond | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
and buy everything on that list. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
Or we could buy a Wii. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
I don't know, man. Why don't you just do it? | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
You can handle this. I have total faith in you. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
There's, like, a 30% chance they'll both die. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
I would just like to introduce myself. My name is Chris Traeger | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
and I am a big fan of art. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
Council, I am not opposed to pornography. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
In fact, you could say I'm definitely for it. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
If I had my laptop with me right now, I would show you | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
a well-hidden folder with gigabytes of proof. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
However, this thing is disgusting | 0:13:22 | 0:13:27 | |
-and wrong. -Please let the record reflect | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
-that the fat baby is referring to the painting. -Hey! | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
I am not a fat baby. I am a small, slender man. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Similar to actor Taye Diggs, so let the record reflect that. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:41 | |
That I look like Taye Diggs. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
Every great society has always supported artistic expression. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
-The Romans. -Perverts. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:50 | |
-The Greeks. -Gay perverts. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
-Two great societies in Europe. -Europeans... | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
There are some members of this community that would like | 0:13:55 | 0:13:59 | |
to demonise this painting, and when they do, they in fact demonise | 0:13:59 | 0:14:02 | |
art itself. What is or isn't art | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
is up to every free-thinking American to decide on their own. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:09 | |
Uh, yeah, it's in the bag. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
We've decided that the painting should be destroyed. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
-Yeah! -Burn it! | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
What, are you serious? | 0:14:19 | 0:14:20 | |
You're supposed to be in favour of public art. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
Yeah, well, there are nipples in it, | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
so it just feels like we ought to be safe and destroy it. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
So how do you want to do this? | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
Burn it publicly or burn it privately, and I put the footage on my blog or...? | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
You've made your point, OK? | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
Look, this painting is very important to me. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
It doesn't need to hang in a government building. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
Just let me take it home, and I'll keep it there. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
What do you say? | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
I say this painting is going to burn, | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
first here, then in hell. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
No. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
-Hey! Come back here! -Make me, stag! I am Dyaphena! | 0:14:53 | 0:14:57 | |
First things first, oven mitts. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
Where are the oven mitts? | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
Oh, my God. They have all the As-Seen-On-TV stuff! | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
-Nuh-uh! -Shake weight, Iron Gym... | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
-Miracle Hand Repair, Big Top cookie, Pillow Pet, Slap Chop. -Honey. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
-Oh, my God. -Honey, honey, listen to me. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:14 | |
Get it all. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
Grab everything that we've seen it on TV | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
and put it in this cart right now. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
Iron gym! I am going to get so buff. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
Oh, my God. Marshmallow shooter. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Marshmallow shooter! Get two. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:25 | |
-Wait, what about the Magic Bullet? -Yeah. I've seen that. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
RAPID KNOCKING | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
-Oh, hi. -Hi. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
I was at a meeting around the corner, | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
and some people wanted to destroy this painting, | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
so I brought it here. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:39 | |
Where's Andy and April? | 0:15:39 | 0:15:41 | |
They're out shopping. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
-What are you doing here? -I moved into the spare room. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:48 | |
Really? | 0:15:48 | 0:15:49 | |
-Yeah. -Huh. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
-Can I come in? -Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Of course. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:55 | |
Why do they want to destroy it? | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
Well, it's a painting of me as a centaur. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
-OK. -And it's a nude. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
Oh. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:03 | |
Just basically, like, the chestal region. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
-Uh-huh. -Mostly. You don't have to look at it if you don't want to. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
-No, no, no. -It's very classy. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:10 | |
-Yeah, no, I'm sure it is. -PHONE RINGS | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
Oh, man. It's Chris. Got to take this. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
-OK. -Hi, Chris. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
Leslie Knope, you need to bring that painting back. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
-What painting? -Leslie, you have the painting, | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
and you need to bring it back in. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
I think I've been pretty fair with you and I'm starting to feel angry. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
And I don't like feeling angry. My heart is racing. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
-It's going literally 45 beats a minute. -I'm sorry. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
If I could just explain to you my point of view... | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
You will bring that painting in tomorrow morning and surrender it | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
to Marcia Langman, and that's that. Do you understand me, madam? | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
Yes. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
Mighty Putty! | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
What are we doing? We didn't get a single thing that Ben told us to. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:50 | |
Sure we did. We got the Marshmallow shooter. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
That's... I don't think that's on the list. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
-But I want it. -I want it too. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
But I also kind of want my own fork... | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
Just cos you eat really slow, | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
which is cute, but also super annoying. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
-Fine. -What? What's wrong? | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
Nothing. It's just adults are boring, and I hate them. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
And I don't want to buy all this stupid, boring, | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
-adult stuff and become boring adults. -Hey, listen to me. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
Yes, we're going to get a dish rack, and shower curtains, | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
and a cutting board. But if you think for one second | 0:17:19 | 0:17:22 | |
I'm not also going to get that marshmallow shooter | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
so that I can shoot you in the face with marshmallows | 0:17:24 | 0:17:28 | |
when you're asleep, then you're the dumbest woman I know. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
You're going to make me cry. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
You're a level-headed person. What do I do here? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
Well, I don't know. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
I mean, it is one of the basic rules of government that you shouldn't offend people. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
Yeah. I guess you're right. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
I just... I'm so annoyed by all these rules lately. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:51 | |
Me too. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
Hey, Leslie. What are you doing here? | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
Hey. Um, well, I, um, I stole a painting. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:58 | |
And, um, I was hoping you guys would help me hide it. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
I like it. It's very simple. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
No, it's on the other side. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
Oh, my God. Is that you as a naked horse? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
Does it look like me? I don't even... | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
Leslie, I mean, not to be inappropriate or anything, | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
cos you're my boss and my friend, but I would totally hit that. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
-So would I. -You guys are sweet. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
OK. I should go and hit the road with this. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:22 | |
-And, um... -OK. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
-I'll see you later. -Bye. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
Bye, Leslie. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:27 | |
So how'd we do? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
I don't know. Does this answer your question? | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
No. Did you buy plates? | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
Oh, plates. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:42 | |
Leslie, what are you doing? | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
Say goodbye to Dyaphena. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:48 | |
I have to turn her over to stupid Marcia Langman. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
-Really? Oh. -What? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
I mean, to be honest, that seems like the kind of thing I would do. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:57 | |
And I didn't think you would give in. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
I'm glad you finally came to your senses. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
I know that's not an easy journey for you to make. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
Let's take a look at it first, shall we? | 0:19:08 | 0:19:12 | |
Whoa! It looks amazing! | 0:19:12 | 0:19:14 | |
I had the artist paint over the original. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:17 | |
-Feel free to destroy it. -No! | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
But I think you'll find no-one could possibly be offended. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
There were many kinds of Greek goddesses. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
Some were lovers. Some were warriors. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:28 | |
And some were tricksters. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:32 | |
How did your date with Cindy go? | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
Uh, you know, she wasn't really my type. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
She's a tall brunette. You always like tall brunettes. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
-Well, not exclusively. -Historically, yes, exclusively. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
He said he didn't like her, so it's over. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
OK, well, I'm going to keep trying, | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
-because you are incredible. -Thank you. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
And you deserve someone amazing | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
and smart and beautiful. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
-Thank you. -A real goddess. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
-Exactly. -Mm. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
You look like Enrique Iglesias. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
-Just wish I had more time. -Why? | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
This is amazing. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:05 | |
It looks like me, and I look awesome. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
Is your penis between the front arms or the back legs? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:12 | |
Yeah, where's your penis? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:13 | |
Damn it, Jerry! | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 |