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Good morning, Ron. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Morning. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:05 | |
I know how much you enjoy paperwork, but don't hover. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
Nice bench. Is that new? | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
No, that's been there since the '90s. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
What are you doing for your birthday on Friday? | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
Nothing. I never d... | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
-Aha! -Oh, God. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
# Birthday, birthday, birthday | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# It's your birthday | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
# It's your birthday, and I know when it is. # | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
Ron refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:27 | |
He's even had it redacted on all government documents. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
Three years of investigations, phone calls, | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
Freedom of Information Act requests, | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
and still, I had nothing... | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
Until a well-placed bribe to a gentleman at Baskin-Robbins | 0:00:36 | 0:00:40 | |
revealed... | 0:00:40 | 0:00:42 | |
Ron's birthday is on Friday. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:44 | |
Damn it. I was so careful. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Well, you blew it. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:47 | |
All for a free scoop of rum raisin. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
Was it worth it, Ron? Was it? | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
I command you to do nothing. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:52 | |
I'm not going to do nothing. I'm going to do something. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
And it's going to be really big. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
I have a lot of years to make up for. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss, | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
and I especially don't like people celebrating | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
because they know a piece of private information about me. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
Plus, the whole thing is a scam. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
-They put up a fence. -Who? | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
No! | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
-What's that? -There's a small park | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
on the line between Pawnee and Eagleton, and... | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
Last night Eagleton put up a fence around their side | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
to keep us disgusting Pawnee hobos off their precious land. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
There's even a security guard. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:49 | |
You got to show Eagleton ID to get in. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
Eagleton is a bunch of rich snobs. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:53 | |
And that's coming from someone who has a Mercedes... | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
With a Harman Kardon Logic 7 surround-sound system. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:59 | |
Who builds a fence to keep kids out of a playground? | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
Three words... Lindsay Carlisle Shay. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
ANDY GROANS LOUDLY | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
Who? | 0:02:05 | 0:02:07 | |
Lindsay Carlisle Shay and I used to be best friends. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
We worked together at the Pawnee Parks Department. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Then she went to work in Eagleton | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
and "fixed her deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds | 0:02:15 | 0:02:19 | |
and lost something else. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
What was it again? | 0:02:21 | 0:02:22 | |
Oh, yeah. Her soul. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
Is the Eagleton side really that much better | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
-than the Pawnee side? -To be fair, yeah. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
Our side is this scrappy piece of land | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
where kids go to smash fluorescent light tubes. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
But it has a lot of heart. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
That's what people always say when something sucks. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
We should stand up for our town, OK? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
Pawneeans are just as good as Eagletonians, | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
although on average, we are several inches shorter | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
and 80 pounds heavier. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:44 | |
People in Eagleton are straight up mean to us. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
I would never set foot over there. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
But it's the only place that I can get | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
my Bumble and Bumble hair care products, | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
so I'm there every eight days. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
OK, well, I am on "Operation No More Fence," | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
so I'm putting you in charge of "Operation Ron's Party... | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
-"colon Shock And Awe." -I am all over it. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
I just need you to do what's on that list. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
It's the only park in our neighbourhood. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
I mean, where are my kids supposed to play, | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
the rock quarry? There's rocks in there. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
Why don't we just set fire to the fence? | 0:03:16 | 0:03:17 | |
You know, set it ablaze. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
That's arson. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
Well, let's leave that up to the lawyers. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
The point is, it would work. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
Why don't we build a fence around their fence? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:27 | |
-Why? -It would give us... | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
Two fences, | 0:03:29 | 0:03:30 | |
so if they needed to get to their fence | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
for maintenance and whatnot, their pants might get caught. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
My son Joey tried to scale that fence | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
to play on the Eagleton side, | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
and he fell and hurt his arm. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:41 | |
You need to get those people to tear that fence down. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
This woman's right. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:45 | |
I promise you, citizens of Pawnee, | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
and sweet, brave Joey, | 0:03:49 | 0:03:50 | |
I will tear down that fence. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
OK, I'm just going to suggest one more time | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
that we burn it down. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
But whatever you guys think. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
Yeah. Great. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
Yes, hi. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:01 | |
I have a question about your inflatable saxophones. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
Do those come in different sizes? | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
I'm going to need about 40 dozen of those. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Also, what about your neon gangster fedora hats? | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
Um... | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
-That was rude. -Whatever's going on here, | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
-stop it immediately. -I was just talking on the phone. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
-To whom? -It was personal. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:19 | |
I would never make a work-related call. You know that. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
-Lindsay! -Leslie Knope. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Hi. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
Has it really been five years? | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
It has. You look amazing. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
Thank you. This place hasn't changed a bit... | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
Still lovable, but grimy. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
Hello, there. I'm Ben Wyatt. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:39 | |
I'm assistant city manager. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
Hi, Dan. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:42 | |
-Ben. -It's not important. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
It won't come up again. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
Uh, this is Ann. She is my best friend... | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
Now. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:49 | |
And, uh, she's a nurse, and she works at a hospital. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
-Ooh. -Nice to meet you. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, nursing... | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
You must be so tired. It's sad. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
It's really nice outside. Shall we speak in my courtyard? | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
Yeah. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:02 | |
Well, thank you so much for stopping by. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
I was passing through Pawnee anyway. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
I do a lot of charity work here. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
There's only so much you can do. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
You know, I found a picture of you from back in the day. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:16 | |
Let me look at that. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
Let me get a closer look. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
So let's talk about Lafayette park. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
Oh, yes. The fence. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
I'm only trying to protect our children. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Come on, Lindsay, this isn't you. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:29 | |
When we used to work here together, | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
we loved the fact that parks were for everyone. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
That's what makes them so great. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
You know what's really great? | 0:05:35 | 0:05:36 | |
A private park that's not for everyone. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
-Wowsers. -What do you care? | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
It's just a crappy little park. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Well, someone once told me | 0:05:42 | 0:05:43 | |
that there's no such thing as small parks, | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
-just small ideas. -Mm. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:47 | |
And that someone... | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
Was this woman. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
You can take it if you want. I have many copies and the negatives. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
And I have a jpeg. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
The fence stays up. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
-Lindsay, if we... -Sweetie... | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
and I mean this in the nicest possible way, | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
Pawnee is and always will be a dirty, little nightmare | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
from which you will never wake up. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
But it was good seeing you. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
What? I'm not asleep. I'm awake. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
I'm wide awake, and I got my eyes on you. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
That's what I would've said | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
if I had thought of it in the moment. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
What did I say instead? | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Wow! This is where they have their Public Forums? | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
-Yeah, it's not that great. -They had a valet. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
Yes, Eagleton is nicer than Pawnee. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
And, yes, because of their cupcake factory, | 0:06:31 | 0:06:33 | |
the air always smells like vanilla. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
Oh, yeah. Wow. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
But, their people are not inherently better than our people. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
The only thing they beat us in is life expectancy, beauty pageants, | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
and average income... who cares? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
Factoid alert... | 0:06:44 | 0:06:45 | |
Eagleton was founded by former Pawneeans. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
Pawnee was established in May of 1817. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
And by July, | 0:06:51 | 0:06:52 | |
finding the smell unpleasant and the soil untenable, | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
all the wealthy people evacuated to Eagleton. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
Hello, Pawnee. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
Welcome to our public forum. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
Hi, I'm Thomas Montgomery Haverford. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
-OK. -Well, nice outfit. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
-What, did you just come from the stables? -Yes. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
-I was just at the stables. -Oh. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
You look like you've been working hard. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
You have a million flyaways right now. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
-Would you like to borrow a mirror or a self-help book? -I would not. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
I would like you to get off your high horse, Lindsay... | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
pun intended. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
You know if I had your job, there would be no fence there. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Well, you don't have my job, | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
because you knew you couldn't handle it. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:28 | |
Oh, the forum is beginning. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:31 | |
Uh, we've got a little bit of Eagleton business, | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
-and then I'll introduce you. -Great. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
Look how pretty the people are. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
Hey, Ron... | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
How's the street parking at your house? | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
-What? -Can you handle, like, 20 cars | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
or a double-decker party bus? | 0:07:42 | 0:07:43 | |
There is no street parking at my house. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
My house is not even on a street. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
Do you have space for, like, a huge circus tent? | 0:07:48 | 0:07:52 | |
Hey, Ron. Have you seen... | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
What the hell? | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
No! | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
Oh! | 0:07:58 | 0:07:59 | |
Well, looks like there won't be any balloons for the birthday boy. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
These were for a sick child at the hospital. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
Ah. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:05 | |
My office, now. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:06 | |
-I don't work for you. -Don't care. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Decisions, decisions. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
Uh, I think I'm going to go | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
with the porcini mushrooms and boursin, s'il vous plait. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
..that the Eagleton-Pawnee fence | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
does a lot more harm than it does good. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
Hello. I'm Bertram Rolands, a citizen of Eagleton. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:22 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
With all due respect, Ms Knope, | 0:08:25 | 0:08:26 | |
can't you just clean up your side of the park, | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
put some new equipment there? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
Well, we would love to do that, | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
but, unfortunately, money is tight right now. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
Hello. I'm Christine Porter. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:08:37 | 0:08:38 | |
I want to respectfully say that I'm in favour of the fence. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
I see it as a kind of punishment for Pawnee | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
that might inspire your town to clean up its act. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:49 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:08:49 | 0:08:50 | |
Well, I would like to respectfully say | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
that any child should be able to play in any park, | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
regardless of wealth or status. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
Uh, anyway, this is Joey Plunkett. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
Joey, wave to the audience. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:06 | |
Oh, you can't, because you broke your arm | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
climbing that fence. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
-Uh, I can wave with this arm. -No, you can't. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
Both your arms are broken. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
All due respect, I recognise that boy. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
He was caught selling fireworks to Eagleton kids. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
Well, with more due respect, | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
a lot of boys do that in our town. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
You cannot be sure that he is the one. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
This is a perfect example of how we're going to help you. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
Here's to you, Joey, and your mother | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
and to every Pawnee citizen who might have a bright future | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
if they fundamentally change everything about themselves. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:38 | |
-Thanks to Leslie Knope. -I'm not done. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
Isn't she trying her hardest? | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
So cute and so good. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:48 | |
I'm only going to ask you this once. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
What is going on with my birthday? | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
Oh, my God. Ron, it's your birthday. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
-Happy Birthday. -Shut your damn mouth. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
This is a fun conversation. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:57 | |
Just tell me what Leslie is planning. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Honestly, I don't know. I haven't heard anything. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
Why don't you tell me what she did for your last birthday? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
Oh, well, that was intense. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:06 | |
She totally surprised me. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
She kidnapped me from work, | 0:10:08 | 0:10:09 | |
and then she took me to that place, Senor Vega's, | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
you know, where the mariachi band comes out. They put a big sombrero on you, | 0:10:11 | 0:10:15 | |
-and then everybody sings Happy Birthday? -Damn it. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
And then we went back to my house, | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
and she invited basically everyone I knew, | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
and she had this great guy doing face painting, | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
and I had my face painted like a fairy tiger. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
Also, she did it, like, a week before my birthday, | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
which is genius, cos I had no idea it was coming. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
And then there was a bouncy castle. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
-Did you know they made those for adults? -Mm-hmm. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
Maybe I'll change it up this time. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Can I try the andouille sausage? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:40 | |
-Tom, let's go. -What? No. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
Hey, not you too. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
It's gross. I don't like it. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
It's disgusting. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
Did you guys get your public forum gift bag? | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
There's an iPod Touch in here. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:52 | |
Man, she used to not be like this. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
Eagleton really changed her. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:55 | |
Yeah, what exactly happened between the two of you, anyway? | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
Five years ago, Eagleton offered me that job. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
And you said no? Are you insane? | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
I talked it over with Lindsay, and we made a pact | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
that we would stay in Pawnee together | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
and work hard and fight to make Pawnee | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
a better place to live. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:11 | |
And then they offered her the job, | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
and she took it and disappeared. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
Wow. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
Ooh, verbena-scented soy candles! | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
You want me to do what, now? | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
Send Leslie somewhere on an assignment, | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
a conference or something, | 0:11:25 | 0:11:26 | |
and make her take April and freeze their bank accounts. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:30 | |
I don't understand. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:31 | |
Is Leslie's work unsatisfactory? | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
No, it has nothing to do with her work. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
I don't want to get into it. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
Ron, look, this is me, OK? | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
You know you can talk to me about anything. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
Well, it's... it's my birthday on Friday. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:45 | |
Hey! Happy Birthday. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
I'm ending this right now. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
I'm just going to leave early and go home... | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
Unless... | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
That's exactly what she wants me to do. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
All right, everybody just grab a bag | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
and open it up | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
and then try to find some dirty stuff in there. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
-What are you doing? -Eagleton treats us like garbage. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
We're going to treat them like garbage. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
We're going to take these bags of trash, | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
and throw it over to their side of the park. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
And then we're just going to let the stink and the raccoons run wild. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
Well, isn't that just playing right into what they think of you? | 0:12:16 | 0:12:21 | |
Oh, my God. What am I thinking? | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
Let's just stop this. Put everything back in the truck. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
-Let's back it up. -No, no, no, no. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:27 | |
Leslie, you promised we could throw garbage everywhere. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Wow. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
I didn't expect to see the whole Parks Department here, | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
although it is, sadly, one of the nicest spots in town. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:37 | |
I am so sick of this, Lindsay. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
Wait, Leslie. I've got this. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
You listen to me, Lindsay Carlisle Shay. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
Why don't you take your fancy dog, get in your Escalade, | 0:12:43 | 0:12:47 | |
and if you have any job openings, maybe you should let me know about 'em. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
-Come on, man. -No! | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
I'm sick of being treated | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton, because I am! | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
So here's what you could do, lady. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
Take this resume | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
and shove it into your human resources slot. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Oh, yeah! Shove it there! | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
You might have a fancy car and a mahogany purse, | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
or whatever rich people have, | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
but I remember something that you're trying to forget. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
-You're a Pawnee girl. -Mm-hmm. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
No, Leslie, I'm not. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
Well, then why do you come here at dinner time | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
and get takeout from the legendary JJ's Diner? | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
It's not for me. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
These waffles make great dog laxatives. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
Don't you dare | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
feed that waffle to that dog to get it to poop. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
Sambuca need to make? | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
There you go. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:39 | |
-Leslie. -How dare you? | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
Get her, Leslie! | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
-Get off of me! -Get her! | 0:13:43 | 0:13:44 | |
Garbage fight! | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
I want her arrested for attempted murder. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:53 | |
For God's sake, Knope. Get a grip. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:54 | |
Thank God you're here! | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
I want her arrested! | 0:13:56 | 0:13:57 | |
She attacked me, | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
and then she hurled my Kate Spade headband somewhere. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
I think my Eagleton colleagues would agree | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
that we don't want to make a federal case out of this, | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
so I suggest you both apologise to each other, | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
and we pretend this never happened. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
I will never apologise to her. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:10 | |
-Nor I her. -"Nor I her." | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
"I doth proclaim to be a stupid fartface." | 0:14:12 | 0:14:15 | |
Nice retort. Did GB Shaw write that for you? | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
Did GB Shaw write your stupid fartface? | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
Ladies, if you don't apologise, | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
we're going to have to toss the both of you in jail. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
So just swallow your pride... | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
Say you're sorry. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
We hope you enjoy your evening here at the Eagleton holding cell. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:39 | |
Can I offer you anything... herbal tea, Greek yoghurt? | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
No. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:43 | |
Morning, Ron. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:47 | |
Ooh, dude, you forgot to put a shirt on. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
I do it all the time. It's fine. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
-I slept here. -Sweet. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
So a little birdie told me it's your birthday coming up. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
How about a free birthday shoe shine? | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
What did this little birdie tell you | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
is going to happen for my birthday? | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
Oh, nice try, Ron. You're not getting anything out of me. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
-Andrew, please. -Ron, look, I love you like a father | 0:15:05 | 0:15:10 | |
who's not that much older than me... | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
like a young uncle, or like, uh, you were my camp counsellor, | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
but we're adults, so we hang out, and it's not weird, you know. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
Or, actually, here's what it is. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
-You're my lacrosse coach. -I get it. I get it. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
What's the point? | 0:15:22 | 0:15:23 | |
Well, coach, | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
Leslie swore me to secrecy, so I can't say anything. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
I owe her so much. I can't ruin it for her. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
-Well, I respect that. -Mm-hmm. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:33 | |
-See you later. -OK, not if I see you first, Uncle Ron. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:37 | |
And I probably will, | 0:15:37 | 0:15:38 | |
cos Leslie assigned me to the kidnap squad. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:42 | |
Hey, jailbird. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:46 | |
Beautiful Ann, thank you for coming to get me. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
Oh, my God, are you kidding? | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
Are you OK? | 0:15:51 | 0:15:52 | |
It was a rough night, but I survived. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
Scone? | 0:15:56 | 0:15:57 | |
-They only have maple walnut. -Yeah. Thank you. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:01 | |
Why did you get arrested? What did you do? | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
The only thing I'm guilty of is loving Pawnee... | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
and punching Lindsay in the face | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
and shoving a coffee filter down her pants. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
But in my defence, I believe that assault should be legal | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
if a person is a jerk. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Why are you letting her get to you like this? | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
Because she's a stupid jerk. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
Because we were best friends | 0:16:18 | 0:16:19 | |
and then she sold out everything that we believed in. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
And the worst part? | 0:16:22 | 0:16:23 | |
To her, our friendship, it's like it never happened. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
Well, first of all, this colour looks amazing on you. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
Thank you. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
Second of all, the whole fence thing, | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
she's obviously trying to get a rise out of you. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
Third of all, she knows she only got the job | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
because you turned it down, which must drive her nuts. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
But most importantly, you say the word, | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
and I will beat her senseless with a baseball bat. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
Thank you. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
Wait a minute. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
Oh, my God. OK, we have a lot of work to do. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
Ann, put these scones in your bra. Let's go. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
OK, can we just stop off at the lobby, | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
cos the prison gift bags are amazing. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
Hey, batter, bah. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Lucas with a crazy base hit! | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
Dude, stop rooting for the other team. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
You're just mad cos they are lighting you up. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
-What's going on here? -Hi, Lindsay. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
Introducing the Pawnee wiffle ball league. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
It's an idea that I came up with after my best friend Ann over there | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
said she wanted to bash your head in with a baseball bat. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
And I want to thank you for the fence. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
There's no way we could afford that high-quality wood. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
What if someone hits a home run? How will you get the ball back? | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
One of the many Eagleton kids who signed up | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
will just pop over and grab it. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
Hey, what are you doing tonight? | 0:17:32 | 0:17:33 | |
-Why? -I don't know. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
I thought maybe you could bust out your old jazz sweatshirt, | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
and you and I could go to Sullivan's for a beer. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
Yeah, I do still have that sweatshirt. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
I know you do. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:43 | |
Foul ball! | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
-You did all this in a day? -Yeah. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
All right. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:49 | |
I work with some really great people. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
Good job, guys. Great job. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Hey, did you hear the news? | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
Ben and Chris want us to go into Conference Room C | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
-for a meeting. -Let's get this over with. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:05 | |
Happy Birthday, Ron. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:14 | |
Ann said you had a big party... | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
sombreros, karaoke. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:19 | |
Yeah, I did that for Ann. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
Why would I throw Ron Swanson an Ann Perkins party? | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
What about the giant list of things April was doing? | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
That was just a list of ways to mess with you. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
-She do 'em all? -She did indeed. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
So I have rented Bridge on the River Kwai | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
and The Dirty Dozen. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
Artie from security is outside the door, | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
so no-one will bother you. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
And a cab will be here whenever you're ready | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
to take you home. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
Thank you. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
Do you remember what you said to me five years ago | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
when Eagleton offered me that job, | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
and I asked you for your advice? | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
Uh, "do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?" | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
Right, but then, after, | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
when I pressed you, what did you say? | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
I believe I said | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
that I thought we worked well together | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
and that I might disagree with your philosophy, | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
but I respected you. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
And I said that you'll get | 0:19:11 | 0:19:12 | |
a lot of job offers in your life, | 0:19:12 | 0:19:15 | |
but you only have one hometown. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
Yes. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:18 | |
That's how I remember it. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:21 | |
This, by the way, is a one-time-only situation. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
Next year, your birthday party is going to be a rager. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
Mmm! | 0:19:35 | 0:19:36 | |
Mmm. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 |