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I have some very important news about our favourite mini-horse, Li'l Sebastian. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
-Yay! -Li'l Sebastian! | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
He died last night. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:08 | |
No! | 0:00:08 | 0:00:09 | |
But we can take comfort in the fact | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
that he is in heaven now, | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
doing the two things he loves doing the most. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
Eating carrots and urinating freely. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
When I walked in this morning | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
and saw the flag was at half-mast, | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
I thought, "All right. Another bureaucrat ate it." | 0:00:21 | 0:00:26 | |
But then I found out it was Li'l Sebastian. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
Half-mast is too high. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:31 | |
Show some damned respect. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
Because of all he's done for the town, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
we are going to be holding a small memorial service for him. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
But for now, | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
I think we should bow our heads in a moment of silence. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
# ..Have a good time | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
# The best thing about being a woman | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
# Is the prerogative to have a little fun, yeah | 0:00:51 | 0:00:55 | |
# Oh-oh oh, oh | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
# We're totally crazy | 0:00:57 | 0:00:58 | |
# Give him a lady. # | 0:00:58 | 0:00:59 | |
I got it, thank you. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
So maintenance is going to set up the stage. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
Ron will be laying the ceremonial wreath. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
Uh, Leslie, there's a 13th century Italian poem | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
by Dante Alighieri that would be very appropriate. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
Oh, Jerry, that sounds wonderful. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
OK, Andy, I need you to write a memorial song. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
Something like Candle In The Wind, | 0:01:35 | 0:01:36 | |
but 5,000 times better. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
-Easy. -Hey, if you want a song from Andy Dwyer, | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
lead singer of Mouse Rat, you should know | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
he doesn't get out of bed for less than 1,000. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
We can give him 50 bucks. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
Sold. Pow. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
OK, here is a memo with some facts about Li'l Sebastian. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
I think you'll find yours particularly interesting. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:55 | |
It's just a list of facts. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
What? | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
-OK, mine says, "You have a cute butt." -Hm? | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
That's weird. Must be a typo. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
Yeah, Jerry, it's probably a typo, cos it probably should've said, | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
-"you have a cube butt." -Cos your butt's shaped like a cube! | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Yeah! | 0:02:08 | 0:02:09 | |
The question is, why is my memo different than everyone else's? | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
Cube butt, cube butt. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
ALL: Cube butt, cube butt. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Cube butt, cube butt, cube butt. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
Good news is this is just tendonitis. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
-How is that good news? -The other option was shoulder cancer. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
-Really? -No. Look, you exercise a lot, you're in great shape, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
little things like this happen with men of your age. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
Men of my age? How old do you think I am? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
-42? -Ha! I am 44 and I plan to live to be 150. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:41 | |
OK. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:42 | |
-So, what's the cure? -Get a time machine, go back to being 20. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
Dr Harris, you are literally the meanest person I have ever met. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:51 | |
OK, all the permits cleared for the... | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Horse funeral. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
What was that tone? | 0:02:55 | 0:02:56 | |
What? Oh, nothing. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
Question! Who's a genius? Answer - Tom Haverford. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
Reason - Jean-Ralphio just started | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
an exclusive, high-end production company, | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
and he's willing to put on Li'l Sebastian's memorial service | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Pro Bono, just for the pub. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
Pub is an abbreviation for publicity. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
Jean-Ralphio is a clown. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
This is the memorial for Li'l Sebastian, | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
not double-coupon night at a strip club. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
First off, double-coupon night is an incredible value. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
Secondly, this guy just started a business. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
He's my friend. It would really help him out. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
Plus, I'm going to oversee everything and make sure it goes great. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
OK, Tom, we trust you. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
Make us proud. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
Make him proud. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
Why don't you just Photoshop that out? | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
Oh, hi, Ann Perkins. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:41 | |
Hi. How are you? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
-I'm dying. -What? | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
-Tendonitis. -Oh. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:47 | |
I don't know if you should lead with "I'm dying." | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
You're right, you're right. So... What's up with you? | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
I'm just helping Leslie plan | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
Li'l Sebastian's memorial service. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
Li'l Sebastian died? | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
He was old, and he had a lot of ailments. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
-Like tendonitis? -I don't know. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
-I don't have his chart in front of me. -Could you get it? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
W-what? There's no chart. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:11 | |
Death is inescapable. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
Goodbye, Ann Perkins. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
Man, whenever I run into that guy, | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
-he always just throws me off. -Don't even talk about Chris. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Every time I hear his name, | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
I think about the fact that he's going to find out | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
about me and Ben, and he's going to fire both of us. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
And about how much he hurt you. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
-Yeah, there you go. -Yeah. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:29 | |
OK, I'm going to see Ben in our secret meeting place | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
in a few minutes. How do I look? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
-What are you going for? -Sophisticated with a hint of slutty. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Bulls-eye. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
So nice to see you so happy about a guy. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Thanks. I don't know. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:40 | |
When I look at my life right now, it feels almost perfect. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
I mean, we have to sneak around, | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
but weirdly, it's kind of fun that nobody knows. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Hello, Leslie. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
How long have you been sleeping with Ben? | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
What?! | 0:04:55 | 0:04:56 | |
How long have you been sleeping with Ben? | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
That's disgusting and wrong. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
I don't even get... why would... I... | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
I've never had sex with anyone anywhere. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
It's none of your... | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
you have... the nerve... | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
the audacity. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:09 | |
Ben is my boss, technically. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
And he is terrible, facewise. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
And how... how... | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
do I know, frankly, that you're not sleeping with him? | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
Maybe you are. Maybe you're trying to throw me off. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
Hm, check and mate. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
This is an outrage! Who do I call? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
-Hey, hey. -Hey, hey. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
Hey, Ron. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:28 | |
Listen, you're just who I was looking for. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Are you...? Did you forget the, um... | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
Did you... Can I... Can I get that thing? | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
Can we just, uh... Did you bring it? | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
-Hmm. -This isn't convincing. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
How did you find out? | 0:05:41 | 0:05:42 | |
We've worked together for a while now. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
I'd like to think I know you pretty well. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
Plus, Ben butt-dialed me last night. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
'OK, OK, and this | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
'is how Eleanor Roosevelt would kiss.' | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
'Huh, whoa. Eleanor likes the tongue. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
'Hey, show me Pelosi again.' | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
'OK, lay down.' | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
Please tell me you hung up before Ruth Bader Ginsburg. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
Unfortunately not. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
-Ugh. -This is a scandal waiting to happen. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:09 | |
If you get caught, which you clearly will, | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
Chris'll fire you. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:13 | |
And I won't be able to stop him. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
Come on, help me. There's a lot riding on this. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
This is what Li'l Sebastian's going to listen to in horsey heaven. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
OK, let me hear your favourite one so far. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
# You're a champion | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
# Little horse | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
# And you're dead | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
# You're the champion | 0:06:31 | 0:06:33 | |
# Of death | 0:06:33 | 0:06:34 | |
# You're the champion of death. # | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
Maybe try to do one | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
without the word "dead" so much. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
Or "death" or "you're dead". | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
See? You're helping me already. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
So the only people that know | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
are my mom, Ann, and Ron. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
And they're not going to say anything. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
Right. Just no more fooling around at work. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
Ugh. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:53 | |
OK, yeah. We can't. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:54 | |
Well, I mean, you know, a situation could arise | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
where you do something good, | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
and I congratulate you. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:00 | |
You know, kind of like this. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
-Yes. -Like, "Oh, congratulations." | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
-That feels appropriate. -Yeah. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Yeah, I mean, I think we can get away with that | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
as long as we don't do stuff like this. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:09 | |
Hey, lovebirds. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
What do I do with this? | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
You can just leave it there. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
OK. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
So my mom, Ron, Ann, and that guy. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:23 | |
K-d-d-d-d-bang. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:25 | |
For the memorial ribbons? | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
No doubt. Which one floats your penis? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
They're all black. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
Maybe to the layman, Jerry. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:34 | |
Obsidian, onyx, midnight, | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
lost soul, rolling blackout, | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
sleeping panther, and void by Armani. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Hey, Jerry, does this look black to you, too? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
What you saw was not what you think it is. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
I was just congratulating her | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
because she got some... some good news. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
-Oh, right. -Yeah. We were... we were both kind of up for this thing, | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
this, uh, really... | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
I won the MacArthur Genius grant. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
Yeah. Yeah. | 0:07:58 | 0:07:59 | |
Yeah, so that's what the hug was all about. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
Sure. Congratulations. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:03 | |
-Thank you. -Hey, you know what? | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
We'll cover your duties here. You should just take the rest of the day off. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
OK. Well, thanks. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:09 | |
Thank you. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
And thank you for your discretion. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
You got it. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
Welcome, everyone. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:20 | |
Sebastian may have been Li'l, | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
but his impact on this town | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
and the Parks Department | 0:08:25 | 0:08:26 | |
was anything but Li'l. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
I would like to introduce two of his closest friends. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Cue music and lights, annnnnd.... | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
Go Ladybug, go Coconut. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
SWEEPING MUSIC | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
Coconut and Ladybug both in position. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
Not only was coconut a friend, | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
but she was also a lover. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
Our deepest sympathy is with you. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
Coconut just took a dump on the stage. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
We gotta clean that up. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:51 | |
Code red. Coconut just took a dump onstage. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
Hey, Leslie. The maintenance guy bailed on us. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
No-one knows where he is. He had the fuel for the eternal flame. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
No way. That guy left? What a... OK. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
-Start the video presentation. I'll deal with it. -All right. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
Jerry, I need you to go get some propane. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
-No, what about my poem? -No-one wants you to read a poem, OK, Jerry? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
What everyone wants, | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
what Li'l Sebastian wants, | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
is for you to get propane. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:14 | |
Fine. I'll do it for Li'l Sebastian. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:18 | |
Now we have a special presentation, | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
courtesy of the folks at entertainment 7/Twenty. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
Hope you brought a change of clothes | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
cos your eyes are about to piss tears. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
You nasty. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
SENTIMENTAL PIANO MUSIC | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Who are we? | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
Where are we going... | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
In life? | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
What is the meaning of all of this? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
These are questions Li'l Sebastian | 0:09:47 | 0:09:49 | |
never had to answer | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
because he was a horse. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:52 | |
Instead, he just brought us joy and happiness. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
And isn't that the point? | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
You gotta join the company. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:00 | |
I'm the bank. You're the money. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
I know, J, but it'd be a big leap. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
Then I will take that leap with you. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
I'm Thelma, you're Louise. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:07 | |
You can't die full of regret. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
Why don't you live your life like that cow from the video? | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
-He was a horse. -Yeah. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
Because he followed his dreams. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
There was no obstacle too large... | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
No mountain too high... | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
No valley too low... | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
Li'l Sebastian had a long life, filled with wonder. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
Good night, Li'l Sebastian. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Forever. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
CHEERING | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
We'd like to encourage everyone | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
to buy our merchandise. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
All the proceeds will go | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
towards Li'l Sebastian's favourite charity, | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
the Afghan Institute of Learning. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
Next, we have a special musical tribute | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
by Mr Andy Dwyer. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:52 | |
What's 5,000 times better than a candle in the wind? | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
This song is called | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
5,000 Candles In The Wind. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
# Up in horsey heaven | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
# Here's the thing | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
# You trade your legs for angel's wings | 0:11:10 | 0:11:14 | |
# And once we've all said | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
# Goodbye | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
# You take a running leap | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
# And you learn to fly | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
# Bye-bye | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
# Li'l Sebastian | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
# I miss you in the saddest fashion | 0:11:36 | 0:11:42 | |
# Bye-bye | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
# Li'l Sebastian | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
# You're 5,000 candles in the wind. # | 0:11:47 | 0:11:51 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:11:51 | 0:11:55 | |
Hey, why is Perd Hapley unveiling the memorial stone? | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
Because Joe from sewage had to hand out the armbands, | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
and Perd had to fill in for Mortenson, | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
and he had to fill in for Howser. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:04 | |
OK, well, why couldn't Donna do it? | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
Because Donna's reading Jerry's Italian poem. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
SHE READS ITALIAN BADLY | 0:12:08 | 0:12:12 | |
This is sort of a mess. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:13 | |
-No, it's OK, we're... -What the hell, Leslie? | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
I thought I was supposed to lay the ceremonial wreath. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
Why is Councilman Howser doing it? | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
Because you are doing... | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
Something better. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:24 | |
You are lighting the memorial flame, | 0:12:24 | 0:12:27 | |
which is the greatest honour of all. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Oh, my God. Ron, congratulations. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
I saved it for you, Ron. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
Who caught you guys? | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
A very nosy maintenance worker, | 0:12:35 | 0:12:36 | |
and we talked to him, and now we're all friends, | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
-and he's not going to tell on us. -It's totally fine. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
I think if you would know one thing about me, | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
it would be that I prefer laying wreaths | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
to lighting torches. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
I have cried twice in my life. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
Once when I was seven, | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
and I was hit by a school bus. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
And then again when I heard | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
that Li'l Sebastian had passed. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
'His memory will live on...' | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
Hup, and... | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
'As today we light a fire | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
'that will burn on for eternity.' | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
OK, deep breath. I think we got through it. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
-Thank God. -Yeah. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:11 | |
Hey, Jerry, you put propane in the eternal flame, right? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
No, they were out. So I just got a big thing of lighter fluid. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
It's kind of the same thing. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
Oh! | 0:13:19 | 0:13:20 | |
Huh, ho! We planned that! | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
Wow, wow! | 0:13:23 | 0:13:24 | |
Ohhhh! | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
-We planned that. -Yay! | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
Jeez Ron I am... very sorry... I... | 0:13:31 | 0:13:35 | |
I guess I put too much fuel in the torch. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:36 | |
Oh, I don't know, Jerry. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
I think you're being hard on yourself. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
Are you mad at me? | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
cos without eyebrows, I can't really tell. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
Ron Swanson loves his facial hair. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
And we burned it off. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
This thing that we're doing, it's unsustainable. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:51 | |
-What, you want to break up? -What? No. I like you. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:53 | |
Well, then... you want to tell Chris. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
What? No. I like my job. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
Well, then, what do we do? | 0:13:57 | 0:13:58 | |
OK, operation shutdown. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
No more secret hand-holding. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
No more smooching in Ann's office. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
In fact, when we're at work, we just shouldn't talk to each other at all. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
OK, well, that's going to be really hard, and we could still get fired. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
I know. But it's worth the risk | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
if I can be with you. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
All right. Well, then, I'm in. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
What are you doing? Are you kidding me? | 0:14:17 | 0:14:18 | |
I'm sorry. No, it's force of habit. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
So what do I do, huh? Do I stay here or roll the dice | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
with Jean-Ralphio? | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
You have no interest in government work, | 0:14:25 | 0:14:26 | |
and you slow everything down with your selfish attitude. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:30 | |
I'd love for you to stick around, Tommy. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
It'll be damn hard to replace you. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:35 | |
But I'll support you either way. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
Two of my lovers in one place. What a coincidence. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
Tammy. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:42 | |
Hello, Ron. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:43 | |
Oop, what happened here? | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
And more importantly, | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
does the carpet match the face? | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
If you're looking for trouble, take it somewhere else. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
An hour ago, a giant fireball consumed my entire face. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
And it was far preferable to spending another second with you. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
Hm. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
Tell that to your pants tent. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
It's just the way I'm standing. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
Go back to the library, | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
where you belong. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
Hey, Glenn. Want to dance? | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
No, I'm OK. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:14 | |
-Just one dance? -No. -With mommy? | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
MUSIC: "A Horse With No Name" by America | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
You know, tendonitis is, uh, | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
usually caused by overuse. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
Have you been working out more than usual? | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
I did do 10,000 push-ups last week. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
Oh, really. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
That might have something to do with it. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:34 | |
You need to relax. You're in great shape. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
For a 44-year-old. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:37 | |
Yeah. That's how old you are, man. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:41 | |
You're right. I've been overreacting. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
I don't like thinking about death. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:44 | |
Death is the opposite of... | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
Being alive? | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
Exactly. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:51 | |
Look at us. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Talking like friends. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
Yeah. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
What the hell. Friends. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
Ann Perkins. | 0:15:58 | 0:15:59 | |
Chris Traeger. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
What's the point in doing 10,000 push-ups | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
if you're going to do them alone? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
I'd much rather do 5,000 push-ups | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
with a wonderful woman. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
Sitting on my back to increase my resistance. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
Copy of our new hit single, 5,000 Candles In The Wind, | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
and the new full-length CD, The Awesome Album. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
18 bucks each, 40 for the set. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
I don't know. That's... That's a lot of money. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
No, it isn't. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:26 | |
OK. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:28 | |
Honey, you are awesome at this. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
Thanks. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
April, I need to ask you something, | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
and it's the biggest thing I've ever asked anybody in my entire life. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
Honey, we're already married. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
No, this is way more important than that. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
April Ludgate... | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
Would you be my manager? | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
Seriously? | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
OK. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:51 | |
Yeah. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
# ..cannot ride a ghost | 0:16:53 | 0:16:57 | |
# Bye-bye # | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
# Li'l Sebastian... # | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Excuse me. Are you Leslie Knope? | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
-Yes. -My name is William Barnes. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
-Do you have a minute to talk? -Sure. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
We really enjoyed the service. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
That fireball was truly amazing. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
-I'm glad. cos it was planned. -And you were also responsible | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
for the Harvest Festival, correct? | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
Well, a lot of people contributed to that. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:22 | |
You don't have to be modest. We know it was you. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
You did an amazing job. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:26 | |
Thank you. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
We are part of a group that tries to identify | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
potential candidates for political office here in town. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
And we think that you might fit the bill. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
Oh. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
Wow. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:40 | |
Which office in particular? | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
Well, there are a couple city council seats we think are vulnerable. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:46 | |
Mm-hmm. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:47 | |
And the mayor's term is up next year. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
Uh... um... huh. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:50 | |
All we need to know right now is | 0:17:50 | 0:17:52 | |
are you theoretically interested in running for office? | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
Absotootly, I am. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
Very sorry that I just used that word. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
But, yes. | 0:17:58 | 0:17:59 | |
I just... | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
I've dreamed about this moment for a long time. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Guess I'll be heading home. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Catching the number 12 bus to Satan's butthole? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
Actually, I prefer the number 69 train... | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
To Humpsville station. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:13 | |
Red alert, Swanson. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
Your ex-wife is back. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
No kidding, Donna. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:18 | |
Not her. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:19 | |
The other ex-wife. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
Tammy One. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
She's in your office. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
-Oh, -BLEEP. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
Would I have to quit my job? | 0:18:33 | 0:18:34 | |
Look, that's a long way off. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
-Of course. -But listen, | 0:18:36 | 0:18:37 | |
when you run, even in a local election, | 0:18:37 | 0:18:41 | |
your life becomes an open book. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:42 | |
So if you so much as stiff a waiter on his tip | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
or use a government stamp for personal mail, | 0:18:44 | 0:18:47 | |
it will come out. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:48 | |
So before we go any further, | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
I need you to tell me... | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
is there a scandal out there? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
Is there anything at all you need to tell us | 0:18:53 | 0:18:57 | |
about your life? | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
Nope. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:03 | |
All right. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
Well, we'll be in touch. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
# ..no, no | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
# Yeah, he burned in so little time | 0:19:12 | 0:19:17 | |
# And things I really want to do. # | 0:19:17 | 0:19:21 | |
Yeah, I think we can do that for a million. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
OK, we'll talk soon. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
There was no-one on the other end | 0:19:26 | 0:19:27 | |
of that phone call, but soon there will be. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
Welcome to the Dreamatorium, | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
AKA The headquarters of Entertainment 7/Twenty. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
We got a pool table, a ping-pong table, | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
a couch with a ceiling on it, | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
In-house DJ. DJ Blunt. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
And best of all, | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
former NBA superstar Detlef Schrempf | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
is on retainer. What's up, Detlef? | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
So, Tom, what does this business do again? | 0:19:46 | 0:19:49 | |
It's a multimedia entertainment production conglomerate. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
I don't know, man. You have a lot of overhead here. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
Ever thought about scaling back a bit | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
and focusing on building your client base? | 0:19:57 | 0:19:58 | |
Thanks a lot, Forbes Magazine. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
But we didn't hire you to give us business advice. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
We hired you to look pretty and shoot baskets. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
So why don't you head over there and do your thing? | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
We want people to see you when they come in, Detlef. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
Big D, hit me! Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
Come on! | 0:20:11 | 0:20:12 | |
We're living the dream. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 |