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While they re-paint the parking lot, we're asking everyone to street park. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
-I'm not street parking my Mercedes. -Well, everyone is. I'm doing it. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
Cos nobody wants to steal a Saturn. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
All right, moving on to recycling. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
RON GRUNTS | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
-You OK, Ron? -Just a little tooth pain. I'm fine. Continue. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:19 | |
OK, each department will be getting blue bins... | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
GRUNTS CONTINUE | 0:00:21 | 0:00:22 | |
Do you need to go to the dentist, Ron? | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
I don't like dentists. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
Just a second. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
- Hey! - JERRY: No, no. No! | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
No, no, no, no! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
EVERYONE SHOUTS | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
CRIES OF HORROR | 0:00:34 | 0:00:35 | |
Oh! | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
-What the -BLEEP?! -Oh, my God! | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
I'm sorry, everybody. What were we talking about? | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
Recycling? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
Dentist pulled the tooth out yesterday. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
But it's always a good idea to demonstrate to your co-workers | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
'Plus, it's always fun to see Tom faint.' | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
RON LAUGHS | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
-Attention, everybody! -Everybody, listen up. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
You are all officially invited to a dinner party, | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
7pm tonight at our home, which is officially | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
my friend Burly's home, because I don't have a home. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
-That's it. There's no more left. -Give it to him. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
'We've been dating for almost a month, | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
'so we just decided that we wanted' | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
to do something special. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:37 | |
And dinner parties do combine two of our favourite things, | 0:01:37 | 0:01:41 | |
-dinner and parties. -Parties. -Yeah. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
It's like if you could have a...Xbox pancake. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:48 | |
Your invitations include requests for each of you to bring stuff, | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
cos we don't have a whole lot. Don't be late. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
-Watch out. -SHE GIGGLES | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
"Dearest Tom, please bring silverware." | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
"Please bring cooked steak." | 0:01:58 | 0:01:59 | |
This is ridiculous! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:00 | |
They're young. They're in love. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
They're ready to show it to the world. It's very sweet. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
-And we're all going. -TOM: What? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
There's a boy's sale at Dillard's today. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
-Hey. -Oh, hey. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
-You going tonight? -Yeah. Apparently | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
they want me to bring Avatar, and 50 pairs | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
of 3D glasses, and a 3D-capable television. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
-Mmm. -Yeah. -Well, I will see you there, | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
-with all of those things. -I was actually coming to see you. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
-I wanted your advice on something. -Oh, yeah? -My boss in Indianapolis, | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
he wants me back on the road in a week. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
But then, this morning, Chris offered me a job | 0:02:28 | 0:02:32 | |
to stay here in Pawnee and work for him. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
-Do you wanna do that? -Well, I don't know. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
I've been moving around so much the past few years. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
It might be nice to stay in one place for a while. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
-What do you think? -Well, this is a great city. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
You know, it's definitely the best city in Indiana, | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
probably America, possibly the world. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
-Sure. -But on the other hand, | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
you've put in 12 years with the state government. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:54 | |
So you think I should say no to Chris | 0:02:54 | 0:02:55 | |
and head back to Indianapolis or...? | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
It's a tough call. You know what I would do? | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
You should make a pros and cons list. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
-That always works for me. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
-OK, maybe I'll do that. -Excellent. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
-Nice talking to you. -Good stuff. -Yeah. -OK. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
BUZZ OF CONVERSATION | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
ANN: So how does this work? | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
-All right, you just fill out your name tag, and you're all set. -OK. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
But I mean, do I just go up and talk to anyone, | 0:03:20 | 0:03:24 | |
or do I wait for them to talk to me, or...? | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
Are you asking me how to flirt with men? | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
OK. All right. 'It's a whole new Ann Perkins.' | 0:03:30 | 0:03:34 | |
I'm putting myself out there, meeting some new people, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
having some casual fun, | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
and it is awkward. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
So Gayle went out and got me this new party shirt. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:45 | |
So be honest, what do you guys think? | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
You know what, Jerry? | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
I make fun of you a lot, but credit where credit is due. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
You know, I like how the... HE LAUGHS | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
Damn it. I was so close. It's a terrible shirt. | 0:03:55 | 0:04:00 | |
Hey, guys. OK, everybody listen up. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
April's friend Orin is here. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
He's very intense and very weird. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
So if you end up talking to him, | 0:04:07 | 0:04:08 | |
just make sure you don't reveal anything personal about yourself. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
-Hey, gang! -Hey. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
-What'd you bring? -I was in charge of the cake. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
To be fair, it's not a cake so much as it is a vegetable loaf. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
You got your mushrooms, your alfalfa sprouts, your spinach, | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
and I had it sweetened with fruit reduction. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
But did they ask you to bring a vegetable loaf or a cake? | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
No, a cake, but this is so much healthier. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
So not only does this thing exist, | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
but now you have deprived everyone of cake. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
-Take a walk, Ron. -Yep. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:34 | |
Donna. Oh, my God. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
I am so excited to see you here. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
These things are horrible when you're by yourself. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
What? | 0:04:48 | 0:04:49 | |
Do you know where you are right now? | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
We're in the jungle. There are no friends here. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
It's every woman for herself. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
-You're joking, right? -Do I look like I'm joking? | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
Dating is a zero-sum game. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
If you get a man, I don't get that man. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:06 | |
I'm here because of advice that you gave me | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
to be more adventurous in my life. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:09 | |
Here's some more advice. Beat it. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
-Hey. -Ben, heard you might be leaving Pawnee. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
I don't know. I'm thinking about it. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:19 | |
Well, you are a huge nerd. But I'd be sorry to see you go, man. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
Thanks, Tom. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:23 | |
OK, this party needs a little help. I'll be right back. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
So are you going on, like, a year-long walking tour | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
of the set of The Lord of the Rings in New Zealand? | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
To be honest with you, I wasn't a fan | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
of Peter Jackson's interpretation. So you can put that one away. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
Andy, I think you maybe should put some more food out. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
Totally agree. Just firing up the Bagel Bites now. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
-Hey. -Oh, my God! April! -What do you think? | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
-You're not supposed to let me see you. -No, come on. You have to look. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
This is important. You have to tell me if I look good. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
-Hey, guys, what's going on? -Uh... It's supposed to be a big surprise. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:55 | |
But tonight, me and April are getting married. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:58 | |
Is April pregnant? Are you pregnant? | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
-Yes. -Yes? -No. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:02 | |
Are you sick? Are you terminal? | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember? | 0:06:04 | 0:06:05 | |
-Yes. -What? -No. God. -Oh, God! | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
Why are you doing this? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Why is this great thing happening? | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
Well, I mean, it's actually a really funny story. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
We were hanging out. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
And suddenly, I was like, | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
"What if we got married tomorrow?" And she was like... | 0:06:18 | 0:06:23 | |
-"Fine." -She's like, "Fine." -That is a great story. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
But you guys haven't been together very long, | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
and you have no place to live. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
-We've been together long enough and we'll find a place to live. -Yeah. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
-Like, a house or, like, a condo or something. -Probably a condo. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
You can't just get a condo. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
No, you're right. House. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
'I love Andy and April as a couple.' | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
I want them to stay together forever. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
But relationships need planning. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
You just can't jump into something without thinking. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
It took me four years to find the right hairdresser, | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
and we still fight all the time! | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
Andy and April are gonna surprise people with a secret ceremony. | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
Whoa. Secret wedding. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
Julia Roberts pulled the same move. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
Is that that toothy girl from Mystic Pizza? | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Ron, please, I need you to help me knock some sense into them. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
It's not really my place. Or yours. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
-Hi. I'm Ann. -Brian. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
What's your occupation? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
-I'm a manager at a sporting goods store. -No way. Me, too. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
-Seriously? Which one? -No, I'm not. I was just ribbing you. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:25 | |
-What are you drinking? -Yeah. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
-What? -Oh, I don't know. I couldn't hear you. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:32 | |
So you just laughed and said, "Yeah"? | 0:07:32 | 0:07:36 | |
-Yeah. -Excuse us. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:37 | |
That was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Did you grow up in the woods? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
Are you Nell from the movie Nell? | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
I told you I'm rusty. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:45 | |
All right, come with me. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
-Hey, Andy. -Yeah. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:49 | |
I know what's going down, and I'm so happy for you guys. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
-Thank you, Tom. -Hey, something just occurred to me. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
-Can I be your best man? -Yeah, dude, totally. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
-Thank you. -My best man. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
Best man! | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
One of my life goals is to be a best man. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
It's a baller position. You get drunk. You make speeches. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
And you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
usually standing, from behind. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
Look, I know that I cannot tell you what to do. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
I know it doesn't work, | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
from all the times I've tried to tell you what to do before. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
But you know what would be fun? | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
Maybe we should make a pros and cons list. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
Let me take you home, then we'll go do that together. It'll be a blast. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
-Leslie, relax. -You relax. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
You relax all the way home and get into bed. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
You need to go to bed. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
April... | 0:08:30 | 0:08:31 | |
Girl talk. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:32 | |
Hey, what's your middle name? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
The justice of the peace lady needs to know. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:36 | |
You don't know each other's middle names? | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
I don't wanna say it out loud. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
-HE LAUGHS: Ew! -Shut up! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
-Roberta! -Such a loser! Can't believe I'm marrying him! | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
-You don't have to. -I'm going to. And then I'm gonna divorce him. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
Then I'm gonna marry him again. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
One time, I fell madly in love with a Civil War re-enactor | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
that I had only known for six hours. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
And then I found out he wore those clothes all the time. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:03 | |
And he was married. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:04 | |
But the clothes thing really bothered me. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
You always wanna scribble the name. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:09 | |
Make 'em read. Draw them in. Make 'em work for it. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:13 | |
-Right. -Two shots of Jameson. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
Don't make too much eye contact. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
You wanna seem available, but not too available. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
-Oh, thanks. I think I'm good for now. I'm not -gonna... Yeah. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
All right. Let's do this. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Ron, you are so amazing with the me and April stuff. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:37 | |
I love you, man. Would you be one of my best men? | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
I'd be honoured to, son. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
-Chris, you helped me get April back. -Oh... | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
-Would you be my best man? -Nothing else in my entire life | 0:09:46 | 0:09:51 | |
would make me happier as long as I live. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Jerry. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
Aw, I'm so glad you made it. This shirt is hilarious. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
Derek and Ben, will you be my best men? | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
Got a little competition for the best man, huh? | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
Well, you know what the best best man does. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Excuse me! | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
Are there any strippers here? | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
Former strippers? | 0:10:11 | 0:10:12 | |
Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
-What are you doing? -I'm throwing Andy an impromptu bachelor party. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
It's my duty as best man. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
-The wedding's in four minutes. -It's that kind of negative thinking | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
that makes you a less good best man. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
MOBILE PHONE RINGS Hello? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:26 | |
'Hi, Ann, it's Leslie, Leslie Knope from the Parks Department.' | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
Yeah, I know. Where are you? | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
April and Andy are getting married tonight. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
-What? -'Yeah, I know.' | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
I need you to get down here, Ann. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:36 | |
I need you to kiss him again or kiss her or kiss somebody. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
I don't know, Ann! Help me, please! | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
Relationships are like scuba diving. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
If you come up too fast, you get the bends. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
And the reason why I know this | 0:10:47 | 0:10:48 | |
is because I was dating a guy once, and we were scuba diving, | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
and I told him that I loved him underwater, | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
and he shot up really fast, and he got the bends. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
No, Orin, I don't know how I'm going to die. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
Wait. Are you asking me or telling me? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
-Hey, can I talk to you for a second? -Yes, please. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
April and Andy are about to get married. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
Wow. My Brita filter's older than their relationship. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
Wait a second. Should I change my Brita filter? | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
-I don't know. It depends on how frequently you use it. -True. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
Stay focused, OK? Please. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
The point is two boneheads, whom I love dearly, | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
are about to sacrifice their future cos they haven't | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
thought this thing through and nobody seems concerned! | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
Attention, everybody. Mesdames and...missoirs. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:28 | |
If you would do me the obligation of having your honour, | 0:11:28 | 0:11:33 | |
heretofore, in the room doth right over there, hence. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:38 | |
-What? -Big event in that room, 15 minutes. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
Oh, my God. This is really happening. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
I love April and Andy. I want them to stay together. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
And that is why I have to stop their wedding. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
Hi, guys, remember how I told you | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
there was going to be a surprise later? | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
Well, the surprise is you are not actually at a dinner party. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:58 | |
You're at our wedding. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
GASPS AND LAUGHTER | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
ANDY: All right. Let's do this. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
MUSIC: "April Come She Will" by Simon and Garfunkel | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
# April | 0:12:18 | 0:12:22 | |
# Come she will | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
# When streams are ripe and swelled with rain... # | 0:12:25 | 0:12:29 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today | 0:12:29 | 0:12:32 | |
to marry Andrew Maxwell Dwyer and April Roberta Ludgate. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:38 | |
I guess I kind of hate most things. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
But I never really seem to hate you. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
So, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
-Is that cool? -Yes. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
-Is it my turn? -Yes. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:52 | |
"April, you're the most awesome person | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
"I have ever known in my entire life. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
"I vow to protect you from danger. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
"I don't care if I have to fight an ultimate fighter, | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
"or a bear, or him, | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
-"your mom... I would take 'em down." -Andy. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
I'm getting mad right now even thinking about it. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
-I'm telling you. -It's OK. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:12 | |
I wanna spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:17 | |
And I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
And now the rings. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
By the power vested in me by the State of Indiana, | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
I now pronounce you husband and wife. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
-Go fly away. -Fly! Fly! -Wings of love. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
-IT THUDS, GASPS -OK. All right. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
So that one is dead. We know that. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
MUSIC: "Jump Around" by House of Pain | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
You wouldn't have been able to stop it, you know. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
I could've yelled something or tackled someone. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
But you didn't, because deep down, you knew it wouldn't have mattered. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
Those kids are gonna do what they wanna do. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
They may have just ruined their lives on an impulse decision. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:13 | |
Leslie, I got married twice. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
Both times, I was a lot older than those two. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
And both marriages ended in divorce... | 0:14:17 | 0:14:21 | |
and a burning effigy. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:22 | |
Who's to say what works? | 0:14:22 | 0:14:25 | |
You find somebody you like, and you roll the dice. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
That's all anybody can do. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:29 | |
Wait. Weren't you married three times? | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
Oh, my God, you're right. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:35 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
I get to burn another effigy. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:39 | |
The key to burning an ex-wife effigy | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
is to dip it in paraffin wax | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol | 0:14:44 | 0:14:48 | |
from a safe distance. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:54 | |
My sister is lame, but Andy's sort of cool. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
I guess I kind of see why he'd marry her. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
Also, if anyone finds my grey hoodie, I lost it. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
Thanks. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:04 | |
ANDY: That was beautiful. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
You two remind me of me and my husband, George. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:13 | |
'I gotta nail the speech. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
'So I brought in an expert. Jean-Ralphio.' | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
-Can I throw something on you, see if it feels good? -Sure. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
OK, this is what I would do. I would start with a joke. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Joke, Vince Vaughn quote, obviously. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
-Swingers or Crashers? -Fred Claus. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
Talk about Andy's ex-girlfriends. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
Quote from Love Actually. Hold back your tears. Pause. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:33 | |
Drop the microphone. Get out of that bitch. Boom! | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
I wish you the best of luck, to both of you. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
ANDY: Thank you, Grandma. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
How could anyone ever possibly top that? | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
Am I right? | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
So, thank you all for all the talking. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:49 | |
Let's just get back to dancing, huh? | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
CHEERING | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Cool. See you around, maybe. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:57 | |
-That went better, right? -Yes, it did. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
However, he proudly told me that he "beat herpes." | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
I'm sorry, Donna. I'm gonna go home. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
I just found out Andy's getting married. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
So? | 0:16:07 | 0:16:08 | |
So that's my ex-boyfriend. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
-We were together for a really long time. -All right. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
What? | 0:16:13 | 0:16:14 | |
What? Listen, you are a hot, young doctor. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
-I'm a nurse, actually. -OK, I don't know you. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
But I do know that you can fix your attitude. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
Do you wanna go home and feel sorry for yourself | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
about a man you didn't wanna marry? | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
Or do you wanna go talk to that cute boy, | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
who has been looking at you, and give him your number | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
before I throw him in my Benz for myself? | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
All right. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:34 | |
I just wanna thank my family, my friends, | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
most importantly, my best best man, Mr Tom Haverford. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:44 | |
Oh! Coolest guy I know. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
And, ladies, he's single, I think. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
-You're not still married, are you? -No. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
But you... You're straight? | 0:16:51 | 0:16:52 | |
-Yes. -Jean-Ralphio's just a friend? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
-Yeah. -Yeah! | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
Anyways, oh, my God, I'm married! | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
HE LAUGHS This is crazy. What happened? | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
But, seriously, life is short, right? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
Uh, just... I really think you should just do whatever makes you happy. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:10 | |
That's what April and I did. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
We are in love. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
So we didn't overthink it. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
I mean, seriously, I cannot emphasise | 0:17:16 | 0:17:20 | |
how little we thought about this. Am I right? | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
All right, well, this is a song I wrote for you, | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
April Roberta Ludgate. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
I love you. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
I love you. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
# Yeah, yeah | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
# Oh, Grandma | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
# April, there's so little time | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
# The things I really wanna do | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
# Let's fly to the sky | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
# It's so awesome... # | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
Exactly! Mortality. See, I like to take each day at a time. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
There's nothing in the world we can't accomplish if we try. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
-I have to go. -It's been great talking to you. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
-Hey. -Don't worry. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
I'm not gonna say another word. This is your day. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
I just wanted to say that... I'm really glad you're here. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:14 | |
I think you're awesome, and I love you. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
Aw... | 0:18:20 | 0:18:21 | |
# We can do anything together... # | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
What's the deal with that hot girl, April? | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
-What's the deal with her? -Yeah. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:27 | |
Like, is she good to go? Like, is she down to clown? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
She's married. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
She got married, like, 20 minutes ago. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Oh, my God. That's the same girl from the thing. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
From the wedding ceremony, yeah. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
All the good ones are taken, huh, bro? | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
Yeah. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
Hey. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:52 | |
You should stay. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
Don't go back to Indianapolis. You should stay here. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
-You think? -Yeah. Yes. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
It's a great city here, you know? And there are great people. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:06 | |
-And you've made a lot of friends. -Yeah. -And what are you gonna do? | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
You gonna go back to your old job and hack up people's budgets? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
Stay here. Help us build something. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
I already accepted the job. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:17 | |
I'm staying here. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
-That's good. -Yeah, I think so. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
-Orin's behind me, isn't he? -Mm-hm. Yeah. -OK. -OK. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
-So just keep your eyes on me. -OK. -Don't panic, cos he can smell fear. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
-What do I...? -Just keep talking to me. -Hi. -Hi. -How are you? | 0:19:32 | 0:19:35 | |
-Good. How are you? -How was the wedding? -Run! | 0:19:35 | 0:19:37 | |
"Hey, Ann, it was great talking to you last night. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
-"Hope we can get together soon." -OK, now you write, "Who is this?" | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
-Hey, you guys, we got a video from April and Andy. -Oh. OK. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
-How you guys doing? -Hey, we're on our honeymoon. -It is awesome. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
We're at Burly's family vacation house on Lake Michigan. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:57 | |
We're having so much fun. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
Except for Roberta, here, turns out, sucks at water skiing. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
-Oh, my God. -So bad. I'm gonna divorce you. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
Andy sucks at driving a boat. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:05 | |
And I'm gonna divorce him, probably right now. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
Well, they're still together. You owe me 20 bucks. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 |