Camping Parks and Recreation


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Transcript


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Gee whiz, the Harvest Festival was a real triumph.

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We had over 80,000 people in attendance.

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Which surpassed our wildest expectations.

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I would like to specifically single out Leslie Knope.

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I speak for the Mayor, City Council, and all of Pawnee when I say

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we can't wait to see what the heck you're going to do next.

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Ugh.

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Step on up here, Les.

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APPLAUSE

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Thank you.

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-HE GRUNTS

-Paul, are you OK?

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-HE EXHALES

-Oh! Oh!

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-Oh, my God.

-Holy...

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-Oh, my God.

-Call 911.

-HE GROANS

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That was... the second most awkward way

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a man has ever grabbed my breast.

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All right, guys, everybody listen up. Just a few notes

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about our camping retreat tomorrow. We're all going to meet here

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and leave as a group at 6:45am, promptly.

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-Why are we doing this?

-Harvest Fest is over.

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We do not want to have a sophomore slump. This camping trip

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is our chance to think of some really big ideas.

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Why don't you just tell us what our next project is,

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and I'll go camping by myself?

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Look, I have ideas, Ron, OK? I have, like, a hundred new ideas.

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But the point is, the pressure is on.

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We only have one chance to make a second impression.

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What portion of this camping trip will take place outside?

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-All of it.

-Pass.

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Can't pass, it's a mandatory work retreat.

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I have a question. What if we're scaling a cliff

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and I start to fall?

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-Can I grab onto your boob for support?

-No, Tom, don't!

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-Her boob kills!

-My boob does not kill. Paul did not die.

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He had a heart attack which required an octuple bypass.

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Besides, the Pawnee Sun said that my chest saved his life.

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How's the best municipal department in Pawnee?

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That's you guys?

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Paul is going to be recuperating for a while.

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So the Mayor asked me to step in as city manager.

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And I, of course, accepted immediately

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because Pawnee is literally the greatest town in the country.

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Of course, I am going to miss Indianapolis,

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which is the most wonderful city in America.

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I'm so excited to be working with you all again.

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And, Leslie, I cannot wait to hear your new big idea.

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I want to hit the ground running, and your new mystery project

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is going to be the hydration pack that gets me to the finish line.

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You're all my little hydration packs.

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I'm sure I am not.

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Ron! You are too.

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Hydration pack!

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HE LAUGHS

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Hey, you gotta hear this hilarious story that he's telling me.

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-Tell her what happened.

-My identity was stolen.

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His identity was stolen!

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-Tell her about the accounts.

-They were frozen.

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HE LAUGHS Frozen.

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Bye, Kyle.

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Where you going?

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Oh, my God! How's the coolest chick ever?

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-Not good.

-What do you mean?

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Leslie's making us go on a camping retreat.

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That's awesome! Camping's the best.

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Camping sucks.

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It's super-boring.

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And you can see the stars, which I hate. They're creepy.

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I love camping. I betcha I could get you to love it too.

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Why don't I meet you out there?

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If you hate it, we'll leave and go make out.

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But if you love it, we'll stay and make out.

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Either way, a ton of making out.

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You in?

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-Anne Perkins!

-Chris.

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-Hey. I heard you were back.

-Yeah.

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I didn't do this because of you.

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Uh, well, it looks great.

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Yeah, you look great. Am I right? It's...

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So good running into you.

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You know, we should get together soon. I'd love to catch up.

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Me too! Ketchup and mustard.

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Ketchup and mustard, I just was...

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Oh! That is so delightful.

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I RELISH your wit.

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SHE CHUCKLES

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Well, I salsa...your face.

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I should hate him. He broke up with me.

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Well, there was an ex that I still liked after he broke up with me,

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but it was really hard to stay mad at him.

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He was an amazing dentist.

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You know, when he saw me, I swear his face lit up.

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-Ann...

-What do you think "we should get together soon" means?

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No, do not read into this.

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Remember, this is the guy that was so upbeat and positive,

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when he broke up with you, you didn't even know it happened.

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Yeah.

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Come camping with us. It'll be really fun.

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You'll be away from Chris. You can brainstorm.

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I'll give you first dibs on s'mores.

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OK. It sounds fun.

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Here is our official retreat schedule.

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It divides our time evenly between work and play.

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Come on, everybody, let's hustle. Let's get to the brainstorming.

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Great attitude, Ron!

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I just want to get the work over as soon as possible

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so I can do some fishing.

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Fishing relaxes me.

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It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

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All right, I...call this wonderful spot.

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You didn't bring a tent?

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I don't really go camping, ever, Jerry,

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so I'm not going to spend 150 on a tent.

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Just going to sleep on the floor.

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It's called the ground when it's outside.

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Whatever. Why? Do you guys do this a lot? Camping?

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I've never been before, but I think I'm going to love it.

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Why am I going to love it?

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SkyMall!

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Come check out my tent.

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I ordered a bunch of crap off SkyMall.

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I got my TV, my Xbox, DVD.

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Awesome bed right there.

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DJ Rumba's in the mix.

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Ah, it's like I'm not even camping.

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This is actually a dog couch, but it's super comfortable.

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POP MUSIC PLAYING

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It's really important to me that April loves camping,

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so I went ahead and set up the ultimate

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campsite love nest.

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Complete with beautiful starlight.

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We got champagne. Also, rose petals.

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As you can see, they smell terrific.

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We need big ideas, and we need 'em now.

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Who wants to go first?

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I propose that we take all the money we made

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from the Harvest Festival and return it to the citizens.

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So how much would that be per person?

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About 83 cents.

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Per household.

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Before postage.

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SHE SIGHS Are we done?

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What do Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and Drake all have in common?

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Oh, I know this one. They are all rap-pists.

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Oh, my God, they're RAPPERS, Jerry!

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What they have in common is none of them have ever performed in Pawnee.

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Why?

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Because we don't have an adequate concert venue.

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Until now.

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The Pawnee Amphitheatre!

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How much would that cost?

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Not that much. 200, 300 million.

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-Right.

-Great.

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Luxury Dog Park.

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Do you want to tell us any more?

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Poodles only.

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-No pooping.

-PHONE RINGS

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Hey. Where are you?

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I'm here. Where are you?

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We're inside the main entrance.

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Near the sign that says Pawnee campground.

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Oh...

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I'm in a totally different place. That's why we can't see each other.

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My God, Andy. I don't even want to be here.

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The air is too fresh. It's disgusting. I can't breathe.

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There's a brook somewhere that won't stop babbling. Shut up!

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Sweetheart, just hold tight. And, uh, I'll be there.

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Well, April is right here.

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And I... am down here somewhere.

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How 'bout we just invest the money?

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Make 4% a year.

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You know, set up a nice little nest egg for the city. What do you think?

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Great idea. Thanks, White Urkel.

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All right, maybe it's not the sexiest idea, Todd, but it's smart.

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What are you even still doing here? Harvest Festival is over.

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Shouldn't you be back in Indianapolis?

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Ben helped us launch the Harvest Festival,

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and he knows how Chris' mind works,

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-and he's a valuable asset to the team.

-Thank you.

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April has not presented her idea... April.

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-I didn't come up with anything.

-Why?

-Because!

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I know that whatever we come up with isn't going to be

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good enough anyway. We're just going to go with your idea.

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She's got a point.

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Leslie, just tell us what your idea is,

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so I can go back to the Thunderdome.

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That's what I'm calling my tent.

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I am really disappointed in all of you.

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You know, the whole town is looking at us right now,

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and you're letting them down.

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Take an hour, go clear your heads,

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and see if you can come up with a real idea that we can use.

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And also see if you're interested in contributing to this department.

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And after that, I will tell you my idea.

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Wow, you really let 'em have it.

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Well, I had no choice. I didn't want to tell them my idea.

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-Why not?

-Because I don't have one.

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I don't have an idea, Ann.

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I'm so screwed, Ann.

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The meeting is tomorrow and I don't have anything.

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Why not just build the park on the lot behind my house?

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Chris wants the new project to generate revenue.

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What about those binders in your office?

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They're filled with small ideas! We need a big, juicy idea.

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I'm so desperate, I even brought in my "Dream Journal",

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hoping it would inspire me.

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"I married Alf, and we're pretty happy."

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-Sounds nice.

-It was.

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OK, listen to me. You are smart and creative

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and talented, and you're going to be fine.

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You're probably right.

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I just need an hour, and... and it'll come to me.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello?

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Andy, you have to save me. I'm camping with people I work with.

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Hello, April?

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Hello?

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Walk around in circles, like I am, help triangulate the phone call.

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Hello?

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SHE SIGHS

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Hang on, I'm going to try to get to higher ground.

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Agh! Ow, I found some thorns.

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I mean, yes, my daughter might think

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she is old enough to be sexually active with her boyfriend.

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But I'm sorry, 16.

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That... That just seems too young to be on birth control.

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You know, I was 24 when Gayle took my virginity.

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What's say we just stand here in silence?

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And think of ideas...

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for projects.

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You know what I should do?

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I should lead a teen abstinence workshop.

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That might be incredibly effective.

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HE SIGHS

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ELECTRONIC VIBRATING

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Hey, Tom.

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One second, I'm just in the middle of a head massage.

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That's a good stopping point. What's up?

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Uh... You want to bounce some ideas off each other?

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Here's a better idea. How 'bout I bounce my way over to my dog couch

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and watch a little season six of Top Chef?

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-All right.

-I know Leslie seems upset. But the truth is,

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she's better than us at this stuff by a thousand miles.

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-So there's really no point. Care for some fondue?

-Yeah.

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Hey, how do you afford all this stuff?

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I just return it the next day and claim it was defective.

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The key is crying a lot. No-one likes to hear a grown man cry.

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And then my hand accidentally went in the panini press!

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HE SOBS

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-Hey, you want to go for a walk?

-Yeah.

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Wow, the sky is really beautiful.

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It's pollution from the sweetums factory. It's gorgeous.

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But is it worth the asthma?

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No.

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Ben, this new project idea, it's not really a big deal.

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I'm probably making too much out of it.

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No, no. It's really big. I mean, you've got everyone's attention

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with the Harvest Festival, and now you're going to seal the deal.

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It's the chance you've been waiting for.

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Well, what if the festival was, like, a high point for me,

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and I never do anything better than that?

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Then you wouldn't be Leslie Knope.

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So I have to keep thinking about good ideas all the time,

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-or I'm no longer myself?

-No, no, no. Not at all.

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I... I've just honestly never met someone who works as hard as you do.

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I mean, you're like the Energizer Bunny of city government.

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And when she looked in the back of her car,

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she saw that, even though it was her own private property,

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she would be forced to take it in...

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for a state inspection!

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-OK, guys, listen up.

-BUSHES RUSTLING

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-What was that?

-That was me talking.

-No, I heard it too.

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-Andy?

-If that's a coyote,

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someone needs to pick me up off the ground, now.

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-Oh, my God!

-Oh!

-THEY SHOUT

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-Hey, guys!

-What are you doing here?

-I was just out for my night-time run,

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and I thought, "why not go visit the Parks Department?"

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-How's everything going here?

-Super great. Really well.

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We have a great idea.

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Ooh, tell me now! While I sit on this boulder.

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I'm much more receptive to new ideas when my heart rate is still elevated.

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Chris, do you want to maybe just talk for a minute

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and let them work?

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Oh! Oh, sure.

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BRUSH CRUNCHING

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What was that? What was that?

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Leslie, just tell us your idea.

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NCIS: Los Angeles, season one, isn't going to watch itself.

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Here it is.

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What do you think?

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I don't have an idea. I'm sorry.

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I thought if we all worked really hard,

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I could come up with something. But I don't have anything,

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and we're totally screwed. And what we need to do is just keep working

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and just work again, more, and just do it and get it,

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and then we got it and we're good. And go with that.

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I think I'm going to turn in.

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You're not going anywhere. No-one's going anywhere.

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No-one's sleeping, because this is an all-nighter. And that'll be fun.

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We'll all stay up, and then I'll be like, "Hey! No-one sleep!"

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CLANGING

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-Do you hear how loud that is?

-CLANG

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You're not sleeping through that.

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Is there anything else to eat? The marshmallows are all gone.

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We have nothing to eat.

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Jerry scared all the fish away with his loud personal stories.

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Uck, I want to go home. I miss my canopy bed.

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Yeah, I'm fine with not camping.

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Especially since my stupid boyfriend abandoned me!

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I'll fire up the van.

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You know, I've never moved this slowly before.

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It's almost like being in quicksand.

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Hey, um, listen... When you dumped me, it was really embarrassing.

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You just kind of...took off.

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Oh, I'm so sorry. I mean, I never meant to hurt you.

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And, well, um, I'm back now.

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Hey, I have a great idea.

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Why don't we go to this rustic diner that I know?

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We can have egg white omelettes, and we can continue to talk about us.

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Sounds good.

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CLICKING No, no.

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Chocolate or butterscotch?

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Uh, swirl me.

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Dude, camping is awesome. I love it.

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Excuse me, gentlemen.

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How long have you been running power to this tent?

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-I don't know. How long have we been here?

-Ten hours.

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No! I was Tivoing Cupcake Wars.

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This is ridiculous!

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Look, I am used to a certain level of comfort in my life,

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and I didn't want to sacrifice that!

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OK, well, I packed everything up,

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so now you're telling me I have to go unpack it.

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Guys, this is a sign.

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You wanted to leave, and now you're stuck here with me!

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So we can work all night! This is going to be so much fun!

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-All night work!

-CLANGING

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All night work! All night work!

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You know what? There's a bed and breakfast right up the road.

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-I'm going to head there.

-Yes! Let's keep brainstorming.

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I have a good feeling about this B&B.

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One day, there's going to be a plaque there that reads,

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"This is where Leslie Knope came up with the amazing idea for..."

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Damn, I thought that would work.

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Welcome to "The Quiet Corn". I'm Elsa Clack.

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Breakfast is served between 5:30 and 6:15am.

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What if we sleep to a normal hour?

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Well, that would be very rude of you.

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May I take your breakfast order?

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We have hardboiled eggs,

0:15:090:15:11

home-made tomato slices with dry seed and leek jam,

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and your choice of German muffin.

0:15:160:15:19

What the BLEEP is a German muffin?

0:15:200:15:23

Oh, good lord.

0:15:240:15:26

I call the bed!

0:15:270:15:29

Ah.

0:15:290:15:31

Awesome.

0:15:310:15:32

I hate this place. This place is the exact opposite of SkyMall.

0:15:320:15:35

Oh, listen to this.

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"Dear Quiet Corn,

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"thank you for your beautiful Inn.

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"My wife and I spent three nights of ecstasy in this room."

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BOTH: Ugh!

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Gyash!

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There are no TVs anywhere.

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This place is lamer than outside.

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I'm chillin'.

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-MAN SINGING

-What is that?

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Jim.

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# Sleepin' in the tent...

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Oh, my God.

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# Sleepin' in the tent...

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HE LAUGHS

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I found you!

0:16:030:16:05

# Oh, I found you

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# And I had to fight a squirrel...

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Where have you been?

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-I told you I was going to take you campin', didn't I?

-Yeah.

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Well, I'm taking you campin'. Look at this. This is what I had

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set up at the other campsite. Except for it was way nicer there.

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But this'll do. I've got some champagne.

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And I had to drink most of it to survive.

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So I'm kind of buzzed right now.

0:16:260:16:28

I'm just glad you're here.

0:16:280:16:30

Can we make out now?

0:16:300:16:32

No, you have to understand

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that at the time, I genuinely thought

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that you and I would never see each other again.

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I completely understand.

0:16:400:16:41

-Well, that's what makes you so amazing.

-No.

0:16:410:16:44

Ann Perkins... Amazing.

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Oh, no.

0:16:490:16:51

Oh, no?

0:16:510:16:53

-Oh, no!

-No, no, no. I wasn't saying that

0:16:530:16:57

I thought we should get back together again.

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But you said that... You indicated...

0:16:590:17:02

Oh, my God, this is happening again.

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I have to move, right?

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Yeah.

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I'm going to leave the country.

0:17:080:17:10

Bye, everybody. Bye.

0:17:100:17:12

Hey.

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Hey. Couldn't sleep?

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No. My room is filled with cat hair and cat smell.

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And actual cats, roughly 12 cats.

0:17:220:17:25

-Hmm, sounds delightful.

-Leslie, what are you doing?

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I am listening to Steal my Sunshine by Len.

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A one-hit wonder, like me.

0:17:310:17:33

-You're not a one-hit wonder.

-Well, I will be.

0:17:330:17:35

I peaked at the Harvest Festival, Ron.

0:17:350:17:37

Years from now, people will say, "Remember that woman

0:17:370:17:39

"who came up with the Harvest Festival idea and never came up with

0:17:390:17:41

"another idea again? What happened to her? What was her name? Kim?

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"Anyway, who cares? She's stupid, and she's dead now."

0:17:440:17:45

For the first time ever, the Parks Department has real momentum,

0:17:450:17:48

and I'm going to ruin it for everybody.

0:17:480:17:50

You've done more for this group of people than anyone else.

0:17:500:17:53

You're the only reason we all still have jobs.

0:17:530:17:56

I think we'll be OK.

0:17:560:17:57

Yeah, OK, well, I would love to chit-chat about this,

0:17:570:18:00

but I need to keep working, OK? And keep pushing

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so that my breakthrough will happen, and I will be ready for it.

0:18:020:18:05

You know what? I just had an idea for a new project.

0:18:050:18:08

-Really?

-Yes.

0:18:080:18:10

Yes, I think... I think this could be really good.

0:18:100:18:13

-What is it?

-Come with me.

0:18:130:18:15

-Right through here.

-Wait, what's happening?

0:18:150:18:18

Argh! Ron!

0:18:180:18:19

Ron, what are you doing?

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This is my idea. You're going to shut your brain down and go to sleep,

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and I'm going to stay out here and guard the door so you can't leave.

0:18:240:18:27

-KNOCKING

-No! Ron!

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You've been thinking about work non-stop for years!

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It's time to rest!

0:18:310:18:32

-All my binders are downstairs!

-Sh!

0:18:320:18:35

All due respect, Ms Clack, stick a German muffin in it.

0:18:350:18:38

Fair enough. I'm just going to go to bed. Just call it a night.

0:18:380:18:42

I already checked, Leslie. The transom is painted shut.

0:18:420:18:45

Damn it!

0:18:450:18:47

Oh, my God, there's, like, 50 cats in here.

0:18:470:18:50

Where's Leslie?

0:18:540:18:56

I'm not 100% sure.

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Should we reschedule or...

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Nope, she'll be here.

0:18:590:19:01

Good morning! So I just slept seven hours, which is twice as long

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as I usually sleep, so I'm a little disoriented.

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But I did wake up with a million ideas, and Ron would not let me

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have any paper, so I had to write them down on this doily.

0:19:090:19:12

We should buy a telescope

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and make the old ranger station in Ramsett Park an observatory.

0:19:130:19:16

That way, we could sell tickets and have class trips.

0:19:160:19:18

-I like it! We'll...

-Good! Then have theme night at the Park.

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We could have singles, um, date night, uh, seniors,

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and we could have a citywide yard sale,

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which would be part auction, part Antiques Roadshow.

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And we could have the professors from the Community College come in

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and assign value to the objects.

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And then we could split the profits for the school.

0:19:310:19:33

-It'd be a lot of fun.

-I'll see you boys later.

-Bye, Ron!

0:19:330:19:37

They say you're only as good as your last idea.

0:19:370:19:39

I say you're only as good as the people you work with.

0:19:390:19:41

Leslie Knope is back. Ha-ha!

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Oh, my God, my breath is so bad.

0:19:440:19:46

MUSIC: "Ode To Joy" by Beethoven

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Yeah, she died, like, 20 minutes after that.

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