Harvest Festival Parks and Recreation

OK, everybody. The Harvest Festival is tomorrow.

And I am so proud of all of you. You've worked so hard.

You're amazing. So I have a surprise.

And it is possibly

the best thing to potentially ever happen

to anyone anywhere

in the history of the Universe.

Ladies and gentlemen, the world famous Li'l Sebastian.

-What?

-Yes!

-No way!

Little Sebastian? Oh, my God!

I never thought I'd get to meet him.

-It's really him!

-Well done, Leslie.

Well done!

Little Sebastian made his debut

at the last Harvest Festival in 1987.

And he was an instant phenomenon.

For the next few years,

Sebastian was the number one boy's name in Pawnee.

And the number three girl's name.

So what am I missing? What's the deal with the pony?

He's not a pony, man. He's a mini horse.

-There's a big difference.

-Well, then why is he so famous?

Does he do something? What does he do?

Son, this horse has an honorary degree from Notre Dame.

We all need to be very careful, OK?

Remember, this little guy is 25 now.

And he has cataracts in both eyes and he has severe arthritis.

-Jerry is going to look after him.

-Yes, I am.

We are both on the same diabetes medication.

Are you my Glucotrol buddy?

Are you? Huh?

Isn't it amazing?

Yeah, I just gotta be honest. I don't know what the big deal is.

Get out.

OK, couldn't you put Sue's salads here?

On deep-fried Boulevard?

It's just...

There's so many junk food places and only one salad stand.

Well, there's a lot of people that don't consider salad a food.

The Harvest Festival is the biggest thing

I've ever done in my career.

And if it fails, the Parks Department will be eliminated.

That's why we're going big.

Seven days, over 30 different locations.

50,000-plus visitors, and four hospitality kiosks.

God, I gotta stop ending on that boring thing.

Clowns!

Man, you are just knocking these off.

You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi, or something.

You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.

Tom, Star Wars is not that nerdy.

"Star Wars is not that nerdy."

-It's not, everyone's seen it.

-"Everyone's seen it."

This guy's here.

-Hey, Ken.

-Hi, Leslie.

This is Ben and Tom.

-That's a dope bolo.

-This is Ken Hotate.

He is the tribal leader of the Wamapoke.

Ah! Wahallo.

Have a seat. Ken, I know why you're here.

And just let me say that we really tried.

I'm sorry, Leslie, but this is a big one.

I'm under a lot of pressure.

I'm going to need to formally ask you to move the carnival.

I'm sorry? What's going on.

The carnival is on the site of the battle of Indian Hill,

which was an epic seven day battle that the Wamapoke lost.

Due to the fact that they didn't have any weapons.

During the battle, 93-year-old Chief Wakote

was shot 102 times by the calvary.

Did he die?

(Yes.)

And this moment will be commemorated for the next seven days

with shooting galleries and fried dough stands.

Ken, I understand, but it's the only place in town

big enough to house the carnival rides.

Plus, you know with Pawnee's history

it's very difficult to not be offensive.

This is a map of all the atrocities the Pawnee settlers

inflicted upon the Wamapoke Indians.

The atrocities are in blue.

We put up a memorial plaque,

and we have a Wamapoke exhibit in the history tent.

I completely understand you.

But this is sacred burial ground.

And I just hope that the souls of my ancestors

don't put a curse on this festival.

There are two things I know about white people.

They love Matchbox 20,

and they are terrified of curses.

-Hey.

-Hey.

Um, so somebody, I don't want to say who,

it was totally me,

got Sweetums to donate another 15 cotton candy machines.

-Ah, take that, curse.

-Take that, curse.

THEY MAKE SHOOTING SOUNDS

-Ouch, ouch, ouch!

-Right in the chest, ooh!

-Ow, ow, ow!

-Bazooka!

Ugh! Get a room.

-All right.

-OK.

Um, so guys, focus up.

Joan Callamezzo is coming by with a camera crew,

for an exclusive last-minute walk through

of the Harvest Festival before we open tomorrow.

So everything needs to be perfect.

Joan is always looking for a scandal.

She's like an eagle-eyed tiger.

Eagle-eyed tiger! New band name, I call it!

So everybody gather around.

-Let's grab hands.

-I don't hold hands.

OK, you're all amazing, wonderful people.

And I really want you to have fun today.

And not focus on the fact that if one thing goes wrong,

-we're all going to lose our jobs.

-That's not inspiring.

OK, let's go get 'em, everybody!

Yes! APPLAUSE

Hey, whatever happened to you and the bionic man?

Chris? He broke up with me.

But he did it so nicely that I didn't even realise he did it.

I've done that to multiple men.

How you doing? You doing OK?

Thank you so much for asking, it's been tough, yeah.

Two days ago I was sobbing at a pizza buffet

and they asked me to leave.

I've been looking at some dog adoption websites.

Bought 700 worth of candles from Anthropologie.

I did this to my hair.

You know, your basic bottoming out kind of stuff.

Yeah.

Normally, people tell you to talk about your problems,

I'm going to recommend you bottle that noise up.

That's what my mailman said.

Muah-muah-murder.

Murdering the most melons.

Shaquille showered shame on Shakira's sheets.

-Hello, Joan.

-Hello, Leslie.

Looks like a very impressive festival.

But we'll see.

We'll see.

-You remember Ben?

-Hi.

It's nice to see you again.

-Let's get started.

-OK.

Now the festival is spread throughout the town

but the centrepiece is the carnival.

And over here is Indiana's largest corn maze.

Ah!

Is that Pawnee corn or Eagleton corn?

Pawnee corn, and it's organic.

Over here we have our beautiful Ferris wheel.

Ah, beautiful.

But deadly.

When was the last time this giant wheel of death was inspected?

Actually, twice in the last week.

And everything is 100% up to code.

How many of these carnies are illegals?

None, they're all US citizens.

Over in this booth, Indiana basketball legend Larry Bird's

84-year-old aunt Tilda will be signing autographs

for two hours on Thursday.

-You got Tilda?

-Yeah.

-Oh.

-We got Tilda.

But the real coup is over there.

Li'l Sebastian.

-Are you

-BLEEP

-kidding me?

-You got Li'l Sebastian?

-See for yourself!

Oh, wow. He is so adorable.

Thank you, Joan. Li'l Sebastian isn't bad either.

-Tom!

-How are you?

-Good.

-Good to see you.

Hold on a second! Did you get your breasts done?

-You look amazing.

-Yes, thanks for noticing.

Joan, listen to me.

This Harvest Festival, it's going to knock your socks off.

And when it does, I'm going to be there

to give you a foot massage... To completion.

Good lord.

God, I swear, it's almost like they don't want you to win.

Well, you'd better practise. You gotta win me a Teddy bear.

I'm going to win you a million Teddy bears.

Well, I want a billion Teddy bears.

Well, that's a little unrealistic.

This is a hard game. Two million.

Deal.

All right.

Hey, I love you.

Dude, shut up!

That is awesome sauce!

You're such a good boy.

Jerry, stop bothering Li'l Sebastian.

Leslie said I should watch him for a little bit.

Perfect, I've gotta go get him a tail scrunchie.

Most people look at Li'l Sebastian

and they see a famous mini horse.

I see an advertising opportunity for my club.

The Snakehole Lounge!

Wow, that is a shockingly huge mini horse erection.

What about your friend Ben, here?

We all know his story, one of failure.

Remind us of that failure.

Well, uh, you know, when I was an 18-year-old mayor,

I tried to build a winter sports complex

called Ice Town and it bankrupted the city.

Yikes.

I was also short-stop on my JV baseball team.

No-one ever brings that up.

And now you're involved with this.

Do I smell another disaster, hopefully?

Look, Joan, this festival,

thanks to the tireless efforts of Leslie Knope,

is going to bring people nothing but happiness.

Not even I could screw that up.

I'm a reporter, not your therapist.

So any time someone takes a picture of him,

the Snakehole's logo is in it.

Am I a genius or what?

Hey, Tom. Where's Li'l Sebastian?

Uh, somebody left the gate open and he got out, Jerry!

What are you talking about?

Unbelievable. Another in a long string of miserable failures.

You lost Li'l Sebastian!

-I wasn't even here!

-Exactly.

You look for him, I'm going to go tell everyone what you did.

Harvest starts at 9am tomorrow morning,

and as far as this reporter is concerned,

it's well worth your time.

Come on down, everyone. It's going to be sweet.

It pains me to say this, but great job here.

Thank you.

-That went well.

-Yeah, it did.

-Take that, curse!

-Take that, curse!

Sorry, what is this about a curse?

-Hmm?

-Curse? What?

-What, nothing.

-No, no.

-Leslie!

It's Li'l Sebastian. He's gone.

Jerry let him escape and we don't know where he is.

Keep those cameras up. We've got a new intro to do.

Gotcha.

Let's go ahead, let's get some shots

of chipped paint and crying babies.

How about some of those spooky traffic lights.

OK, you know the drill.

-OK, this is bad, right?

-This is way worse than that.

This is a huge government project, and already a lightning rod,

and then you add the Wamapoke controversy.

Double lightning rod.

-Plus we lost that little pony.

-It's a mini horse!

And that's the third lightning rod. Triple lightning rod!

And then you have the curse, quadruple lightning rod.

God, now all the vendors are going to bail.

-And the ticket sales are going to go down.

-Wait, I'm sorry.

-But do people in this town really believe in curses?

-Oh, no. No.

We all just behave rationally and believe

we are all in charge of our own destinies.

Come on.

-What the heck are we going to do?

-How did this happen?

Maybe Li'l Sebastian got upset

because he tried to share his true feelings with someone

-and they didn't reciprocate.

-That's not bad.

Or maybe a balloon popped somewhere,

and it scared him.

Sent him running off.

OK. Tom, Jerry, check the field behind the parking lot.

Andy, April, check the corn maze.

Good idea. Horses love mazes, come on!

Hey, Leslie? This big, beefy dude just came in to the first aid tent

because he was dehydrated. And then a reporter came in

and asked if it was because of the curse.

No comment. Did you say, "no comment?"

-You gotta say, "no comment."

-I did.

Ah, good. Anne, you're so beautiful. Beautiful Anne.

All right, well, um, just treat him and release him

and then don't say anything to anyone about anything for the rest of the month.

-OK.

-OK, run, Anne, run!

-OK.

-Leslie?

-Yeah?

-You gotta see this.

The fact is, this carnival is

being held on top of an ancient Wamapoke burial site.

Much like the house in the movie, Poltergeist.

Exactly.

I spoke to Leslie Knope, of the Parks Department,

about moving the carnival. And she refused.

We do have exclusive animation of that event.

Let's take a look.

Oh, I love these things.

Sorry.

SPEAKING VIRTUAL LANGUAGE

CHANTING

MOANING

Whoa.

Ah-ah-ah!

Is that what happened?

-Perd...

-None of that happened.

That is exactly what happened.

All right, all right. What we do is we move the shooting gallery.

That seems to be their biggest problem.

Maybe that will make them happy.

Check back in with news Channel 4.

Number one in curse coverage.

You know how Indians call corn maize?

This is why. I never knew that.

Oh, my God. I'm going to go look by myself.

Hey, are you all right?

You seem super not happy.

I'm fine.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

I might be going to Venezuela tomorrow. Forever.

You're not fine.

Ludgate, something is upsetting you.

Why don't you just go ahead and tell me what it is.

I'm not mad at Andy. Andy's great.

I awesome sauce Andy.

April! Where are you?

Look left.

Look right.

Yeah, OK.

I don't know what's sicker, me or your body.

You aren't sick.

Maybe you should check out my abs.

-Are you experiencing abdominal pain?

-Every day at the gym.

-Ew.

-Feel.

Oh.

What are you doing tonight?

I think I'm going to have to pass.

Your loss.

-Are you going to hit that?

-Him?

He isn't exactly boyfriend material.

Who said anything about a boyfriend?

Use him, abuse him, lose him.

Hey, hey, hey. Did you find him?

Yeah, Jerry. He's right here in my pocket.

Damn it. Ground mission failed.

We need a bird's eye view.

You want me to climb on top of the Ferris wheel?

We're extremely confident that there's no curse

and everyone's going to have a great time tomorrow. OK?

Wow, first Ice Town. Now this.

Bad luck really follows you around, huh?

OK, I'd like to start by addressing

some of the false rumours about the festival.

First of all, we have plenty of food.

There's no food shortage.

There are not, as one reporter suggested,

dozens of escaped convicts meandering around the carnival.

And at no time was any Parks Department worker, quote,

"feasting on petting zoo animals."

You were in charge of watching a tiny horse, and you failed.

Look, I'm only going to say this once.

What if Li'l Sebastian is on this Ferris wheel?

How about you only say that never.

Leslie, how big of a disaster will this be,

on a scale of 9 to 10?

It will not be a disaster. It will be a success.

And I want to let everyone know that,

in an attempt to be sensitive to our Wamapoke friends,

we have moved the shooting gallery, per their request.

So, yes, Perd?

Yeah, the statement that this reporter has is a question.

Will that be enough to lift the curse?

Perd, you know as well as I do that there no such...

Oh, my God.

Crap on a spatula.

It's the curse.

That's exactly what it is.

-You know what? It is the curse.

-Wait, everyone, relax, please.

We'll get this up and running in no time.

-Oh.

-Whoa!

-Jerry, what the hell?

-I didn't do this.

Jerry's fault. Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault! Jerry's fault!

God. I cannot catch a break.

Yeah, well, I'll help you out. I'm going to go.

-What?

-I think I'm jinxed or something.

What are you talking about?

Look, you were totally fine until I got involved.

So I feel like I should probably just go, OK?

I'm really sorry.

I'm the curse, I think.

So I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to get out of here. All right?

If they're missing this long, they're usually dead.

Well, if that's true, then you're going to have to answer

to the whole town. And God.

OK, you were the one who let him out, Tom.

OK? Now stop trying to blame me.

Jerry, can you please be quiet?

I can't hear myself not talking to Andy.

Ron, will you please tell me why April is mad at me?

Ron, can you please tell Andy...

All of you, be quiet!

Andy, she's mad because you said "awesome sauce"

instead of, "I love you, too."

April, he loves you. Stop being a child.

Tom, you're clearly at fault here.

Blaming Jerry won't save you.

Jerry, we both know you were shotgunning funnel cakes

instead of watching Li'l Sebastian.

So everyone apologise to everyone else!

-I'm sorry, Tom.

-I'm sorry, Jerry.

-I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry.

I do love you.

You do?

Yeah.

That's what makes the sauce so awesome.

Aw, Jerry just farted!

I'm very upset, I get nervous.

Hey, Leslie.

Generator's shot.

No! I got the TMK-2500

specifically for the extra capacity.

Wow, you know your stuff. You single?

Not now, Ed. How could that happen?

All those TV crews plugged in and overloaded it.

OK, how and where can I get a new one?

In, like, I don't know, now?

There's only one place in town that has a generator that size.

You've gotta be kidding me.

So...you need to borrow a generator.

Ken, I'm coming to you on my knees.

Begging for help.

Much like the early settlers of Pawnee begged the Wamapoke 200 years ago.

-Ah, but that was...

-A trick.

And over 50 Wamapoke were slaughtered.

I know. But this is not a trick.

I am prepared to put the Wamapoke history exhibit

inside the carnival grounds.

Right past the entrance turnstile.

So that you have to look at it before you start having fun.

Hm, now that's interesting.

It's been really awesome looking at you.

Most carnival nurses are total grenades.

OK, you're all set.

You are free to go.

Or you could stay here and make out with me

until the lights come back on.

Oh, hell yeah.

Beat it, Donna.

Aye, aye, captain.

I'm just trying to do something good for this town.

And I'm trying to save my friends' jobs.

Can you help me out here?

A Native American tribe making a deal with the government.

Heh! What could go wrong?

-You can have the generator, Leslie.

-Thank you, Ken.

And I'll issue a statement

saying that the curse has been lifted.

Actually, I have another idea.

SINGING IN WAMAPOKE

With that sacred ceremony,

the Wamapoke curse has been lifted.

APPLAUSE

Wow, thank you. Intense stuff from Ken Hotate.

And in other good news, he gave us a scare,

but he's back now.

The one, the only, Li'l Sebastian!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

We spotted him from the top of the Ferris wheel

at the centre of the corn maze.

After the power came back on, we went and got him.

It took us four hours to solve that maze.

It took the horse 15 minutes.

Jerry's still out there.

LAUGHING

I suppose I oughta go look for him.

Right after I get a bratwurst.

MUSIC: "American Girl" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

Welcome.

Come on in, have fun.

Enjoy yourself, ladies.

-Hey.

-Hey, look who's back.

I'm sorry I left.

I honestly felt like I was cursed or something.

Ice Town, and now this.

Ice Town was a disaster.

And it seems like it was probably your fault.

From what I can tell, you mismanaged the hell out of it.

Wow, why even say that already?

But the point is, this project,

this is as much yours as it is mine. It's ours.

And...it's going to be really great.

And I'm glad you're here.

Well, thank you.

-Is this the guy?

-Yes, this is him.

HE COUGHS

Special Wamapoke ceremony.

The curse has been lifted.

-Oh, wow.

-Thanks.

-Yeah.

Oh, gosh. You're filthy.

Go clean yourself up. Try to look professional.

Hello.

Enjoy yourself.

Hi. I like your necklace.

Hi.

Oh, my God. He is just the best ever.

You're the best ever.

But he's a close second, aren't you, Li'l Sebastian?

He really is amazing.

You finally get it now, right?

Hello, he's fantastic. I totally get it now.

I don't get it. At all.

It's kind of a small horse. I mean, what am I missing?

-Am I crazy?

-CROWD CHEERING

Hey, Ben, you just missed it. He whinnied.

Oh, yeah, no. I totally heard that. It was great.