The Godfather People Just Do Nothing


The Godfather

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This programme contains strong language.

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# Hype on the riddim, it's a...boom seleck!

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# Hype on the riddim, it's a...boom seleck!

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# Hype on the riddim, it's a...boom seleck! #

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RAP MUSIC CONTINUES

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-It's DJ Beats right now.

-It's MC Grindah right now.

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-And what time is it, Grinds?

-It's about grime time!

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What's changed since we were last here?

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-Erm, subs have gone up 50p.

-Yeah.

-Innit?

-Yeah.

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Decoy's got a new exhaust fitted.

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-Yeah.

-Erm...

-Sounds like an aeroplane.

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EXHAUST ROARS

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Do you think you've got more listeners now?

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Yeah, I'd say we're at least on double figures now.

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-Oh, yeah. At least.

-Per show.

-Yeah, yeah.

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-Max.

-At least. Max.

-At least, yeah.

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At least max, yeah.

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-# B stands for brutality

-I said E

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# Stands for the energy

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-# I said A

-Stands for Audi

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-# I say T

-Audi TT

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-# T!

-Guaranteed

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-# T!

-Riding the beat

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# T!

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-BOTH:

-# T! #

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Have you got more attention now you've got the beard?

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A lot of attention from the beard, yeah.

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I'm getting a lot of the mums down Green Dragon,

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do you know what I mean, checking me out and that, yeah.

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Cos they know I'm on telly, so they think I got bare money.

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I ain't. Cos you lot don't give us no money.

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This programme contains strong language.

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-Miche!

-You get it!

-Miche!

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Oh. They're 'ere!

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-All right, boys. What's going on?

-All right?

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'It's a big day, big event for all of us. It's exciting.'

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Angel becoming a Christian is probably the biggest event

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she's ever been through, other than being born,

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so, yeah, it's pretty big.

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Are you a Christian?

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I'm not technically christened,

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but I definitely am a very spiritual person.

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And I think I have Christian morals.

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Like, I love Christmas, for example.

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I love, like, everything about Christmas, like, getting presents,

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eating loads of food, so I think I do believe in God in that way, yeah.

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Miche! Do you know where my Avirex is?

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You've... Miche, there's glitter all over it.

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-Huh? Oh, sorry. I've been doing T-shirt designs.

-Don't put...

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It's hectic, it gets everywhere!

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They should have more christening emoticons, shouldn't they?

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So what I've done is like a baby's head with some water splashes

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and then a church. Like, what else?

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-I dunno. Just, like, smiley face or...

-Mm.

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-A gun?

-Why a gun?

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Godfather, innit.

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-Love that.

-See ya later.

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Basically, yeah, when you get Christianed,

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-you need a godfather, yeah.

-Godfather.

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So it's a very important decision I have to make,

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do you know what I mean, like?

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-And it's going to be someone that's very close to me...

-Yeah.

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..and someone that's loyal.

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It's out of Decoy and Beats.

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But...

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I thought it was going to be me.

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Huh? Well, we'll see.

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Whoever's the most deserving out of them two.

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-Congrats, mate. You're in the running.

-Yeah, but...

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Nah, you've made it to the finals.

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-Oh, it's the finals?

-Yeah! It's them two.

-Oh, sick.

-Yeah.

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-Lean back.

-Huh?

-Lean back.

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-Oh, that's lovely, that is. Cheers, mate.

-It's all right.

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See that?

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And what are you doing here?

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So these are designs for Angel's christening T-shirt.

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And it's just so everyone can have a sort of memento from the day.

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Oh.

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Like, I did GCSE Art, so, yeah, just using some of the skills

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and techniques I picked up from then.

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This is just a sketch, though. It'll look a lot better

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when a professional's done it.

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Oh, shit.

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'I've conquered the snack world, conquered the DJ world,

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'the rig doctoring world,

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'been there, done that and now I'm printing the T-shirt.'

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Designer T-shirt...printing!

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It's emphasis, you know.

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The first lady of Kurupt FM enters.

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-All right.

-How you doing?

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All right, yeah. Thanks so much for this.

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I was going to go Snappy Snaps,

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but Grindah said you could do it a bit cheaper.

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Yeah, no, I've actually got my own printing machine.

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-Pretty?

-Printing machine, so...

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-Pretty?

-Er, printing. Printing machine.

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-Machine to...

-Oh, right, yeah! No, printing machine.

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-Yeah, 'course.

-Exactly, yeah.

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I got it off Uncle Bobby. Yeah, he told me that it's like a 3D printer,

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-but 2D, so you actually save on energy.

-It's so big!

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That's what they all bloody say.

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Yeah, when it comes to fashion, I'm always one step ahead.

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Sometimes, people look at me strangely

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and they're like, what's he wearing?

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These are actually women's boots.

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I like the heel on them, I like the texture of them.

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They're very er...silky smooth, easy clean.

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The jacket is real halal lambskin leather,

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blessed by the guy at the mosque.

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-OK, so I've sketched out a sort of family portrait.

-Mm-hm.

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Obviously, this is rough, so the final product will need to be

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sort of more classy, but with that sort of essence of heaven.

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Like, does that sound OK?

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Erm... Yeah, definitely. Listen, I can handle anything, you know.

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-Yeah.

-I'm a self-made guy, you know.

-Yeah.

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I came here in '93 with nothing but £5 and my brother's passport...

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MY passport.

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Definitely my passport.

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Shout out Steve's in action, too. I see ya.

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# Up and down, she's rubbing it

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# Up and down, she's rubbing it

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# What's that? Yeah, she's loving it.

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# I said up and down, she's rubbing it,

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-# Up and down

-She's rubbing it

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-# Up and down

-She's rubbing it.

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# To be fair, she's loving it. #

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She always bloody does, to be fair.

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-Do you know what I mean?

-They always do, mate!

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So what makes a good godfather?

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Oi, a good godfather is someone that is...

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-that listens.

-Listens.

-Yeah?

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-Erm...is loyal.

-Loyal.

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-Erm...looks out for people.

-For people.

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-Er, keeps themselves to themselves.

-To themselves.

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-You're talking over me.

-Sorry.

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That's minus one in the godfather chart, mate.

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Oh!

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POLICE SIRENS WAIL

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See that, Decoy, mate?

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You want to step your levels up, mate.

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Keep going.

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Yeah, that's fine.

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ENGINE STARTS

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'To be honest, like,

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'the whole Godfather thing, like, it don't really bother me.

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Like, I'm always there for them, innit, so if they ever need me,

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-then I'm there, either way.

-ANGEL LAUGHS

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Why do you care about her so much?

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Pfff... That's a bit of a weird question to be honest, like...

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I'm just there, innit. They're like...family.

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Right, so this is just mine and Angel's dance routine,

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obviously in the early stages, but, we'll just show you

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-where we've got to so far...

-DANCE MUSIC STARTS

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And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

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MUSIC: Play Hard by David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo and Akon

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Remember tits and teeth.

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Decoy, stand back a bit.

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MUSIC CONTINUES

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Right, so I've toned down the dance routine.

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-We don't need a dance routine.

-Yeah, yeah. No, sure. Absolutely, yeah.

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We can just see how it goes on the day. If there's time.

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Cos we're ready either way, aren't we, Ange?

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-Yeah? Cool.

-Five, six, seven, eight...

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And lasso. And round, and round.

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And round. Shimmy down.

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-Can we just try and keep it simple?

-Lasso, lasso.

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-No, Miche. Stop going over the top with everything.

-Do you remember

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the gun fingers I taught you on your birthday last year?

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Don't confuse her, she's got to remember the christening routine.

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No, she doesn't! Angel, don't do a routine!

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GRINDAH SIGHS

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Right, so I've sorted the T-shirts. Er, what else, what else?

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Ooh! Do you want to see her christening dress?

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-Angel, are you looking forward to getting Christianed?

-Yep.

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You know you're going to have a new godfather tomorrow, yeah?

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Which means you will always have a guardian to protect you

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throughout your tiny life. Yeah?

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Ooh, ideally, though, I suppose he needs to be somebody

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that has experience of actually being a legal guardian.

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Innit?

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She agreed. Angel agreed with me!

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Isn't that a bit much?

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No, cos this way, you know, she could always re-use it

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later on in life. I got a couple of sizes bigger so, you know,

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maybe within the next sort of 18 months, two years,

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she could use it as like a bridesmaid's dress,

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-if she was ever a bridesmaid.

-Well, no, cos we don't know anyone

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that's getting married and... Let's just change the subject.

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Oh!

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DECOY GROANS

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This brings me back.

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Hit me, Angel!

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-DECOY GROANS

-Hit me! Hit me!

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Hit me! Angel, hit me!

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Oh! We're having a great time. We're having a great time!

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'Yeah, I do think Kevin would make a good godfather.

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'I mean, you know, he's got a lot of things going for him.'

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Kids love him, he's a lot of fun.

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You know, he can be a right old laugh,

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cos he's really on their level, mentally.

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Right, now you're both dead!

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I'm not.

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'She seems a bit fonder of Decoy, you know,

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'but I think that's cos she sees more of him.'

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Er...you know.

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RUSTLING

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Put that on there. OK.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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And down...

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we go.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Yes.

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Yeah, Aldona!

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Hello? Aldona?

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HE BREATHES HEAVILY

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Yeah, all right. I'll come round later.

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Yeah, come and get it later, man.

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It's bloody Abdi, innit. He forgot his scarf, I thought it was Aldona!

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HE GRUNTS

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So where is Aldona?

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Oh, you know, she's very spontaneous. Sometimes she'll just

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kind of head out for a couple of months and she'll come back

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with, you know, my credit card, hopefully, this time, Aldona!

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You know, she's like a bloody sexy, slutty Frisbee.

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You know, I'll throw her away sometimes,

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she'll always come back, mate.

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It's all banter, you know.

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Banter, banter.

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No, please come back, Aldona.

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So do you know who the godfather's going to be, then?

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I feel like it has to be Beats, surely?

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Cos, you know, I think he'd be really good,

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like, caring and thoughtful.

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Well, we still got Decoy in the running.

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I just think it feels a bit weird, you know,

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Decoy being the godfather.

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-Why would it be weird?

-Oh, I dunno.

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-It just doesn't seem...

-Oh, Miche, come on! Get with the times.

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It's the 21st century, all right?

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-Skin colour does not matter any more.

-Oh, my God! No, no.

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I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, you know,

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-he's around a lot already.

-Which is good.

-So maybe it's good...

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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..to get someone else. Oh, my God, Chapatti's here!

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Hello.

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Special delivery for Lady Miche.

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-Can I have a look?

-You may.

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Killed it.

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Smashed it.

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Oh, my God. Chapatti...

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I think I hate them.

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-SHE SOBS

-This is ruined!

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-What the fuck's she going on about? Miche!

-I don't know, mate.

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-Tell him to fuck off!

-It glitters.

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-Fucking hell, mate.

-Classy.

-Jesus!

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I'm not having her crying all through

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my godfather announcement, all right?

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Right, we need to think of summat.

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-GRINDAH CLICKS Here's what we're going to do.

-OK.

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-You bosh out some T-shirts.

-Mm.

-Something simple.

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Just like a picture of Angel and the date.

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-Yeah?

-OK, cool.

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-So what are you going to do then?

-What d'you mean?

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Nah, I mean, when you were saying the list of things to do,

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I thought you were going to say, "And I'll do this and that".

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Mate, I've got a very important, life-changing decision

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to make, yeah, about my daughter, who's getting Christianed.

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I ain't got time to be fucking around with you and that.

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-Sweet.

-All right. Cool.

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Delegation. Know what I mean?

0:11:260:11:28

HE WHISPERS: For fuck's sake, how do you get this on?

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Miche?

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Miche?

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-SHE CRIES Miche?

-Go away!

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I need help with my tie, I can't clip it on.

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Are you big into your religion?

0:11:400:11:42

Nah, we're not really religious sort of people.

0:11:420:11:45

I'd say, personally, if I was to choose one I related to,

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I'd probably be Rasta.

0:11:480:11:51

What, do they do christenings?

0:11:510:11:52

Yeah, yeah. They do their own sort of tip, where they all go

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into, like, a mountain in Jamaica

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and just all sit in a massive tent,

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-relaxing and blazing all night.

-Yeah.

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CAMERA CLICKS

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That's nice.

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Thank you.

0:12:130:12:15

I thought the pink looks quite nice, doesn't it,

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with the brown of the cross?

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CAMERA CLICKS

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'Ah, Miche gets just proper weird around churches'

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and she starts banging on about marriage constantly, like...

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I don't see why she'd want me and her to be related.

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If anything, I think that would put me off

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wanting to do anything with her.

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It's basically incest, innit?

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So do you do any sort of loyalty discounts here then?

0:12:390:12:42

You mean for other events?

0:12:420:12:44

-Yeah, like weddings or...

-Oh.

-Do you do a lot of weddings here?

0:12:440:12:47

Well, weddings are a slightly different case, because,

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-for a wedding, you have to be a member of the congregation.

-Yeah.

0:12:490:12:52

See the mic situation?

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Is it wireless based or is it...?

0:12:540:12:56

-We don't have mics, sorry.

-No mics?

0:12:560:12:58

-No.

-Bit weird. No worries, I've got my own,

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-but erm... cool.

-Oh, right, OK.

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-Ooh, just so you know, your friend is down there.

-Yeah.

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I think he's been here all night.

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MUTTERING: Oh, fuck's sake.

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Steves! Steves! Wake up, you mess!

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-I got your text message.

-GRINDAH SIGHS

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Did I miss the cremation?

0:13:120:13:14

Nah, you got a good 20 minutes left.

0:13:140:13:17

Sorry, can I help you?

0:13:170:13:18

Ye... Ah! You have got a...a mic.

0:13:180:13:21

Well, it's for...this is for...

0:13:210:13:23

We use this for sort of the big services.

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-This is going to be a big service. How do you...?

-I don't...

0:13:250:13:28

Pop that in there for me, please mate. Go on.

0:13:280:13:30

-Well, OK.

-Come on, that's the way.

0:13:300:13:32

What else? Whoa!

0:13:320:13:33

We're going to have to get this removed.

0:13:330:13:35

Is there anything I can be sick into?

0:13:350:13:37

Er, yeah, there's loads of stuff.

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There's...here you go.

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-Cheers, man.

-It's all right, mate. We'll wash it.

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That's not going to be enough, actually. Is there a bigger one?

0:13:430:13:46

'Nah, I wouldn't say I got a drug problem.

0:13:460:13:48

'I think I've got the opposite of a drug problem,'

0:13:480:13:50

to be honest, like, I've got no problem with drugs whatsoever.

0:13:500:13:54

I'll try anything.

0:13:540:13:56

-We gather in the front.

-Yeah, yeah. You've got everyone sitting there.

0:13:570:14:01

I'll probably pop you off to the side there.

0:14:010:14:03

-I'm by the font, normally. Just by the font.

-Yeah.

0:14:030:14:05

-Yeah.

-No, that's good. Good, good, good, good, good.

-OK.

0:14:050:14:09

There it is.

0:14:100:14:12

Going to get Christianed in there.

0:14:120:14:13

You see in there, yeah? That's where you're going to meet God!

0:14:130:14:16

Not if you don't make it down the stairs in them heels, Carol.

0:14:160:14:19

-No, don't laugh.

-CAROL LAUGHS

0:14:190:14:20

I don't know how you do it.

0:14:200:14:22

Just wiggle it, come here. Let me look at you, darling.

0:14:220:14:26

Ah, that's nice.

0:14:260:14:27

-Here she is, look at her, Princess!

-Ah!

-Can we go in?

0:14:270:14:30

-Your shirt's untucked.

-What are you doing?

0:14:300:14:32

Is he looking?

0:14:320:14:35

Come on.

0:14:350:14:36

-Grindah, you see that?

-What?

0:14:360:14:38

Just tucked Craig's shirt in,

0:14:380:14:40

-standard parent-guardian sort of sh...

-We have to go, mate.

0:14:400:14:43

-You've got a bit of glitter on your cheek.

-What?

0:14:430:14:45

Bit of glitter. Bit of glitter.

0:14:450:14:46

-Has it gone?

-Yeah.

-Right, come on.

0:14:460:14:50

Miche? Have you got any pants on?

0:14:500:14:51

-What? Yeah! I've got a thong on.

-Just looking.

0:14:510:14:54

-Hello.

-Hello.

0:14:560:14:58

-Mum, this is the vicar.

-Hello, darling.

0:14:580:15:00

-Hello, nice to meet you.

-And this is Angel.

0:15:000:15:01

-All right? Lovely to meet you.

-You too.

-Angel, say hello to the vicar.

0:15:010:15:04

-Don't you look lovely.

-Say hello.

0:15:040:15:06

-I'll come and speak to you.

-All right.

0:15:060:15:08

Hello. Welcome, welcome.

0:15:080:15:10

-Don't you look lovely?

-Yeah, she does, doesn't she?

0:15:130:15:15

Yeah, like a little angel.

0:15:150:15:17

GUESTS CHAT

0:15:190:15:20

-Easy.

-Easy.

-You just come straight from the rave?

0:15:240:15:28

-Yeah.

-Do you still feel fucked?

0:15:280:15:30

GRINDAH CLICKS FINGERS Mic's not working. Come on.

0:15:300:15:33

Try it. Try it. It's not working.

0:15:330:15:35

I've had face paint all over my face, when I got here.

0:15:350:15:39

Lucky there was little sink thing on the way in to wash your face.

0:15:390:15:43

Mate, that's holy water.

0:15:440:15:46

What happens if you get it on your face?

0:15:480:15:50

Makes you religious or something.

0:15:500:15:52

HE SIGHS

0:15:530:15:55

I didn't mean to be religious.

0:15:550:15:57

Hope they've got them ready, to be honest, mate, you know? Cos...

0:16:100:16:13

I haven't got time, mate. I've been up all night, you know.

0:16:130:16:16

I'm not in the mood, mate, you know.

0:16:160:16:18

All right, geezer. I'm here to pick up my T-shirts,

0:16:180:16:21

-I've got a receipt for you.

-Yeah.

0:16:210:16:24

Nice bit of kit you've got there, actually, mate.

0:16:240:16:27

-Is it a smooth mechanism on that, yeah?

-Yeah, it's OK.

-Yeah.

0:16:270:16:29

Do you make some decent profit off that?

0:16:310:16:33

What kind of money you making, net profit? What kind of margins?

0:16:330:16:36

-I'm not sure.

-Cash flow?

0:16:360:16:38

That's £225, please.

0:16:380:16:40

225 quid!

0:16:400:16:41

-I'm sorry for your loss, by the way.

-Huh?

0:16:430:16:45

No, it's fine, mate. It's not a problem.

0:16:450:16:48

It's very reasonable anyway.

0:16:480:16:49

You've got to lose some to gain some, you know?

0:16:490:16:53

Do your pout.

0:16:530:16:55

-CAMERA CLICKS

-Perfect! Stunning.

-Right.

0:16:550:16:58

Miche? Miche?

0:16:580:16:59

-What?

-HE WHISTLES

0:16:590:17:01

-What's he want?

-I don't know. Can you watch my bag?

-Yeah, 'course.

0:17:010:17:04

HE WHISPERS: Come, come on.

0:17:050:17:08

Easy!

0:17:080:17:09

-How you doing, Selecta? You all right, yeah?

-Yeah.

0:17:090:17:12

-Angel?

-Yeah, looks nice.

0:17:130:17:15

Angel?

0:17:150:17:17

Angel?

0:17:170:17:18

THEY TALK

0:17:180:17:20

Angel? Angel?

0:17:200:17:22

-Oh, my God!

-Yeah!

-Do you like it?

0:17:240:17:25

-What, you got him to re-do the T-shirts?

-Yeah.

0:17:250:17:28

-That's so romantic!

-It wasn't romantic, it's just normal.

0:17:280:17:31

That just shows how committed you are to me, doesn't it?

0:17:310:17:33

Not really. Just needed them done, so don't...

0:17:330:17:35

-Thank you.

-Do you like it, yeah?

0:17:350:17:37

Ta-da!

0:17:370:17:38

Oh, my God. They are stunning!

0:17:380:17:41

-Oh, thank you so much!

-You're welcome.

0:17:410:17:43

-No worries. No worries.

-Oh, my God.

0:17:430:17:44

-Craigy boy!

-Have a look.

0:17:460:17:48

One for you, mate.

0:17:480:17:50

It looks like she's died!

0:17:510:17:53

Oh, man, that T-shirt!

0:17:550:17:57

Like she was, you know...

0:17:570:17:59

we were at a wake or something.

0:17:590:18:01

It was really funny.

0:18:010:18:04

Oh!

0:18:040:18:05

Stevie...t-shirt.

0:18:050:18:07

Sorry. Jesus' eyes were watching me.

0:18:070:18:11

No, Miche, it ain't going to go over. No, I can tell.

0:18:110:18:14

-It's going to squish my do.

-Put it on, Beats, mate.

0:18:140:18:16

Put it on, mate. Come on! Take your top off. Take your top off.

0:18:160:18:20

Yeah.

0:18:200:18:21

-MICHE WHISPERS:

-All right, shall we go up?

0:18:300:18:32

-Angel.

-Will you take pictures? You can take some pictures.

0:18:320:18:34

Do you know...? Just go up there.

0:18:340:18:36

Just go like that.

0:18:380:18:40

Angel, do you wish to be baptised?

0:18:400:18:43

Say yes, Angel, yeah?

0:18:430:18:44

-Yes.

-Yes? Well done.

0:18:460:18:49

-Let us pray.

-Hands together, everybody! Or not, is it?

0:18:490:18:52

Here, we are washed by the Holy Spirit and made clean.

0:18:530:18:58

Here, we are clothed with Christ,

0:18:580:19:01

dying to sin that we may live his risen life.

0:19:010:19:04

-Decoy.

-VICAR SPEAKS

0:19:040:19:06

-Shall I take Angel for a bit?

-If you want, mate.

-Yeah.

0:19:060:19:10

Come on! Come to Uncle Beats!

0:19:100:19:12

-You got her?

-Yeah, come on.

0:19:120:19:14

You give to your faithful people new life in the water of baptism.

0:19:140:19:18

-Angel. All right.

-VICAR TALKS

0:19:180:19:20

Just stand closer to me than Uncle Decoy, yeah?

0:19:200:19:23

..may serve you in faith and love and grow...

0:19:230:19:26

-Is that your family over there?

-Mm.

-It's a bit weird, innit?

0:19:260:19:29

"Ooh, I'm Decoy. I bring my family with me.

0:19:290:19:33

"I want to be Godfather."

0:19:330:19:34

-..Amen.

-Pathetic.

0:19:340:19:36

And now we come to the responses.

0:19:360:19:38

Do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?

0:19:400:19:44

-Everyone?

-Yes!

-I reject them.

0:19:440:19:45

-The responses are on the sheet.

-Oh, there's a sheet.

-"I reject them."

0:19:450:19:48

I reject them.

0:19:480:19:49

Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil?

0:19:490:19:52

-Yeah, I do. Yes, renounce them.

-I renounce them.

0:19:520:19:54

Do you turn to Christ as saviour?

0:19:540:19:56

-Yeah.

-I turn to Christ.

-THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

0:19:560:19:59

Do you submit to Christ, our lord?

0:19:590:20:01

-ALL:

-I submit to Christ, our lord.

0:20:010:20:03

CAMERA CLICKS

0:20:060:20:07

Christ claims you for his own.

0:20:070:20:09

Receive the sign of his cross...

0:20:100:20:12

GRINDAH CHUCKLES It's like, yeah, I was thinking,

0:20:120:20:14

-the power of Christ compels you!

-Yes, all right, thank you.

0:20:140:20:16

-Ah, that's from Exorcist, innit?

-Yeah!

0:20:160:20:18

-About the girl's mum noshing people off in hell!

-Yeah, I love that!

0:20:180:20:21

If the father would like to step forward, please.

0:20:210:20:24

No worries, mate. I'll take over from here.

0:20:240:20:26

-Pass me the mic, please, mate.

-Yeah, sure.

0:20:260:20:29

Angel, if you just stand there.

0:20:290:20:30

Right...welcome, people.

0:20:300:20:34

As you all know, I've had the important decision

0:20:340:20:37

-of who will be the godfather.

-Very important.

-Exactly.

0:20:370:20:41

It's er... it's something I took very seriously.

0:20:410:20:45

I even watched this film called The Godfather to help me work out

0:20:450:20:48

what it is they actually do.

0:20:480:20:50

To be honest, I didn't end up watching it all, cos it's quite long.

0:20:500:20:53

But the point is, I learnt that it is more than just some little name

0:20:530:20:57

given to you by some silly little John in a church. Yeah?

0:20:570:21:01

-It's about loyalty.

-Yeah.

0:21:010:21:03

It's about respect.

0:21:030:21:05

It's about being the head of a crime family.

0:21:050:21:09

-Which is something we know a little bit about, isn't it?

-Yep.

0:21:090:21:11

So, for that reason,

0:21:110:21:13

I feel there is no-one better for the role of godfather...

0:21:130:21:18

than...

0:21:180:21:19

me! MC Grindah!

0:21:190:21:21

I now declare myself godfather!

0:21:230:21:28

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

0:21:280:21:31

Good, good.

0:21:310:21:32

We should have actually all had maybe a little drinks

0:21:350:21:38

for this bit, like a toast.

0:21:380:21:40

Anyway, good. Back to you, mate.

0:21:400:21:43

The best man won in the end of the day, innit.

0:21:460:21:48

-Good job, mate.

-Yeah, same to you, mate.

0:21:480:21:49

VICAR TALKS TO ANGEL

0:21:490:21:51

..and come to the inheritance of the saints in glory, amen.

0:21:510:21:54

You're Christianed!

0:21:540:21:56

-Thanks, thank you, everybody. Amen!

-Amen!

0:21:580:22:01

Come on then, let's go. Let's go and eat buffet.

0:22:010:22:04

Thank you, everybody. Great ceremony, innit?

0:22:040:22:07

Yeah, it was really good, man. Craig?

0:22:070:22:09

Come on, come with Mum.

0:22:090:22:10

GUESTS TALK

0:22:110:22:14

Went well.

0:22:140:22:16

What about Angel, is she happy?

0:22:160:22:18

Ah, very much so. She didn't have a clue about it and, to be honest,

0:22:180:22:20

if she had some next John just always there, like, she'd be like,

0:22:200:22:23

"Who's that?" She's got Daddy there, do you know what I mean?

0:22:230:22:26

a.k.a The Godfather, like!

0:22:260:22:27

Steves! It's time to go.

0:22:310:22:34

What you doing?

0:22:340:22:36

No, just...just talking to Jesus.

0:22:360:22:38

What you saying to him?

0:22:380:22:40

Just apologising, cos...

0:22:400:22:42

I'm a bit worried that he's put a curse on me.

0:22:420:22:44

You're just on a come-down, man.

0:22:440:22:47

Come on, we'll get back to Grindah's and we'll sort all this out.

0:22:470:22:50

Bye, Jesus.

0:22:500:22:51

Going church is definitely one of the most...

0:22:520:22:55

like, intense things you can do on a come-down, really.

0:22:550:22:58

Oh, wait a second.

0:22:580:23:00

'But I just try and avoid comedowns as much as possible.'

0:23:000:23:04

'How do you avoid them?'

0:23:040:23:07

Just do more drugs, basically.

0:23:070:23:08

MUSIC: Party Hard by Bob Bradley

0:23:110:23:12

ANGEL: # Getting down to the old school... #

0:23:120:23:15

Go on, give it a go, Craig.

0:23:150:23:17

Probably got Little Mix on there.

0:23:170:23:20

KARAOKE MUSIC INSTRUMENTAL

0:23:200:23:22

MICHE SIGHS

0:23:230:23:24

I just think - listen to me, Miche - I just think

0:23:240:23:27

Decoy would be a better choice, that's all.

0:23:270:23:29

It doesn't really matter, cos all that matters

0:23:290:23:31

is that Angel's going to go heaven.

0:23:310:23:32

And he's the perfect man, that's what I think.

0:23:320:23:34

Oh, whatever, Mum. Nobody's perfect.

0:23:340:23:36

If he ain't, he'll fucking do till Mr Perfect turns up.

0:23:360:23:39

Cheers, darling. I would smash him into next week.

0:23:390:23:41

-Mum!

-I would! I don't care!

0:23:410:23:44

He'd wake up and be like , "Ooh, what day is it?"

0:23:440:23:46

And I'd be like, "It's next week, darling!" Oh!

0:23:460:23:48

SHE LAUGHS

0:23:480:23:50

KARAOKE MUSIC

0:23:500:23:52

ANGEL SINGS

0:23:520:23:53

Beats! Decoy! Ready for you, mate!

0:23:550:23:56

Ah, I got to go do this Jah ceremony to help Steves with his come-down.

0:23:560:24:00

Is that....? Yeah. Sweet.

0:24:000:24:03

Take a seat there.

0:24:030:24:04

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Miche! Miche!

0:24:040:24:07

Huh?

0:24:070:24:08

How about Angel? I have got it all ready.

0:24:080:24:10

-Nah, I think just do her when she's older.

-Sure?

0:24:100:24:13

Cos we have hotboxed her room out, so we are good to go,

0:24:130:24:15

so just letting you know.

0:24:150:24:16

Yeah, that's fine. She's busy doing her karaoke.

0:24:160:24:19

-Last chance!

-No, it's fine.

0:24:190:24:21

All right, sweet!

0:24:210:24:23

Do you think that Grindah and Miche are good parents?

0:24:240:24:27

Oh...er, well, you know, I don't judge other people.

0:24:270:24:30

But no. Probably not.

0:24:300:24:33

'Miche is lovely and I reckon she's doing her best, but, you know...

0:24:330:24:37

'with an absolute twat in the house,'

0:24:370:24:40

how can...how can he be a good father?

0:24:400:24:43

-Well done.

-ALL:

-Yay!

0:24:430:24:46

-Oh, Princess, look at you.

-Who wants cake?

-Yeah.

-Do you want cake?

0:24:460:24:48

Yeah, I'll have some.

0:24:480:24:50

-Happy christening!

-What sort of portion control do you...?

0:24:500:24:53

Mm!

0:24:530:24:54

Steves, this is for you mate, all right?

0:24:540:24:56

We'll get you back, keep toking it.

0:24:560:24:59

# If it wasn't for the girl you're holding tight

0:24:590:25:02

# If it wasn't for the girl you're holding tonight...#

0:25:020:25:06

I watched this documentary once,

0:25:060:25:08

where they all just go into a hill in Jamaica

0:25:080:25:11

in a fucking big tent and just chill and blaze, do you know what I mean?

0:25:110:25:16

And that's how you cleanse yourself.

0:25:160:25:18

With the power of Jah Rastafari!

0:25:180:25:20

What is Rastafarianism?

0:25:200:25:22

Ugh, you're so white.

0:25:220:25:25

Rastafarianism is a movement that started in Jamaica...

0:25:250:25:29

..with a geezer called Bob Marley and...

0:25:310:25:34

he just blazed a lot, made some of the best music in the world.

0:25:340:25:39

Boom, there you go. The rastas was born.

0:25:390:25:42

MUSIC: Play Hard by David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo and Akon

0:25:420:25:45

Ugh! I can feel it now.

0:25:450:25:46

I can feel the curse being lifted.

0:25:460:25:48

-Five, six, seven, eight.

-Go on, then!

0:25:480:25:50

One, two.

0:25:500:25:51

-Go on, Ange!

-Oh, yeah!

0:25:510:25:53

# I get the way that you rockin'

0:25:530:25:55

# Flip that thang thang, don't stop it... #

0:25:550:25:56

Oh, I love it! I love it!

0:25:560:25:58

-Ooh.

-Whoo!

0:25:580:26:00

Agh!

0:26:000:26:02

# Got a gang of cash and it's going all on the bar

0:26:020:26:05

# And it's going fast cos I feel like a superstar... #

0:26:050:26:08

MUSIC CONTINUES

0:26:080:26:11

Easy. Just exorcised Steves' come-down.

0:26:110:26:13

Jesus has been defeated!

0:26:130:26:15

# The only thing we know how to do

0:26:150:26:17

# Said it's the only thing we know how to do

0:26:170:26:20

# Work hard, play hard

0:26:200:26:22

# Work hard, play hard We work hard, play hard... #

0:26:220:26:24

That's it. Spin her, spin her!

0:26:240:26:26

# Keep partying like it's your job Work hard, play hard... #

0:26:260:26:29

-Now you spin me.

-Oh, my goodness!

0:26:290:26:30

# Work hard, play hard. # We work hard... #

0:26:300:26:32

Spin mummy, Ange. Spin Mummy.

0:26:320:26:33

# Keep partying like it's your job... #

0:26:330:26:35

'Yeah, I made the right decision with the whole godfather thing.

0:26:390:26:42

'I mean, at the end of the day,'

0:26:420:26:43

you don't send a boy in to do a man's job, do ya?

0:26:430:26:45

Yeah, but you know that I'll always be there for you anyway, so...

0:26:450:26:48

'Nah, I checked it out and there's not actually that much to it.

0:26:480:26:51

'It's just good to get her done, know what I mean?

0:26:510:26:53

'Yeah, set her up for life and that.

0:26:530:26:55

'Exactly. Cos, like...'

0:26:550:26:56

if she does end up going down a darker path or whatever,

0:26:560:27:00

like...becoming a brass or a murderer or whatever,

0:27:000:27:03

then I know she'll always go heaven.

0:27:030:27:06

Yeah. Straight into the VIP.

0:27:060:27:08

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