The Babysitter People Just Do Nothing


The Babysitter

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Transcript


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This programme contains strong language.

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All the great entrepreneurs started somewhere. Your Donald Trumps, your Duncan Bannatynes,

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the Apprentice guy, Alan Shearer. They all started in something like this.

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Welcome to the dream factory!

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Where dreams are made!

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Mainly T-shirts, though.

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What makes a good T-shirt?

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I think deceptiveness, you know?

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So you look at a T-shirt and you think, "Oh, that's Gucci, isn't it?"

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And then you look carefully and it's Coochi.

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Dolce and Gabbana?

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No, mate. Deepak and Gurdeve.

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-MAN:

-How many T-shirts have you bought?

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This is all the T-shirts here, so I've got 6,000 of these.

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But I mean, so far, I've done around two.

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Bloody upside down, isn't it?

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Oh, shit!

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Oh, fuck!

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Bloody hell, it's harder than I thought.

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I should have people doing this for me, really.

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Bastard!

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-Are you excited about your day today?

-Yeah.

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Because Mummy's going to be working all day, so...

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Right, well, give Mummy a hug.

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Yes...

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I'll miss you. Ah...

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-Right, I'll see you after work, then.

-All right.

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Still feels a bit weird saying that.

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All right, Ange.

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You're going to have a fun day with your daddy today.

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I want to go to Nana's.

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No, Nana's on holiday, ain't she, Ange?

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Yeah, your precious nana is getting her rat out in Zante.

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Stop it! She's gone to visit her lover.

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Lover? He's, like, 17 years old and hands out flyers outside a pub!

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-He's hardly a lover.

-He can't even speak English.

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Well, love is still the same whether it's in English or in foreign.

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-I'll see you after five.

-All right, laters.

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SWITCH CLICKS REPEATEDLY

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Fucking light bulbs. They put them too high up.

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Oh, fuck's sake!

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Craig, don't use the downstairs toilet, mate.

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The light's not working.

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Mum said you have to fix it.

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She's always trying to get us to fix stuff, innit?

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She says she's sick of shitting in the dark,

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makes it way more intense to what it needs to be.

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Yeah, it is quite intense. You don't know where you're at with the wipes.

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Hello, Lavender. Miche speaking.

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OK, yeah, I'll just put you on hold.

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So this is my new work.

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This is Lavender Hair & Beauty.

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At the moment, I'm on a probation period,

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so that sort of means I'm on a, er...

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It's like an audition, but it's for the role of a hairdresser.

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So, yeah.

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Yeah, would that be the full body or is that the half wax?

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OK, great. I'll just put you on hold.

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Hello, Lavender. Miche speaking.

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Yeah, what sort of therapy or procedure would you be interested in today?

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Yep. I'll just pop you on hold.

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-You all right, Miche?

-Oh, Tanya!

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Yeah, just practising my phone technique.

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Is there a hold button?

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No.

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Oh, OK.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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There's the door. Get the door, please, Angel.

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I don't need to constantly hang around with a little girl.

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That's weird.

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People get arrested for things like that. Why should I be doing that?

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And then, people are going to see me, like,

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"What? He just hangs around with little chicks?"

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-And no-ones going to respect me no more.

-She's your daughter.

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Go give Grindah his jacket, as well.

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-You lot...

-Yeah, we'll follow you.

-All right, sweet.

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Chabuddy is recruiting.

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It's official, guys.

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Yeah? Know what I mean?

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No questions here, as well. You don't need any visa.

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You know there's a lot of guys out there at the moment

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who are looking for work and today I am their knight in shiny armour.

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I remember how happy I was when I got my first job.

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It was in Lahore. I was 12 years old.

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And I had the opportunity to work for Nissan.

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Blown away.

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Unfortunately, when I got there,

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I realised it was just a prawn-peeling factory

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and my boss's nickname was Nissan.

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Cos he drove a Nissan, isn't it?

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Are you struggling to find work?

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Do you like clothes and money AND women?

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Then this might be the opportunity for you.

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Come down to my sweatshop, to my warehouse...

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Come down to my warehouse and get some work in, mate.

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# Hype-hype riddem and sound

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# Hype-hype riddem and sound

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# Hype-hype riddem and sound

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# The music-music makes me down

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# Hype-hype riddem and sound

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# Hype-hype riddem and sound

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# Hype-hype riddem and sound

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# The music-music makes me down

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# Hype for the riddem is oh seleck

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# Hype for the riddem is oh seleck

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# MC Grindah with the intellect

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# I say hype for the riddem It's a boom seleck! #

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Can we get rid of all these ashtrays and that, cos of Angel?

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Do you need me to blaze this outside, as well?

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Good point, actually.

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Don't want her to develop a taste for it too early.

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Angel's been spending a lot more time with Grindah and Decoy

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since I've been working, so, yeah, that's nice.

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-MAN:

-How is Grindah finding it with you not around as much?

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Oh, well, I think Grindah's coping now I'm working.

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There were a few problems at first,

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because he couldn't quite understand when his meal times were.

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So I had to leave him sort of little boxes in the fridge of all his different food

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and I'd send him a message or whatever when he should eat it.

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# Man, like Angel, stepping up, stepping in. #

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Don't clang any of the mixes though, yeah?

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We're live on air, yeah?

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# Selecta, selecta

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# Kurupt FM. #

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I push this like this?

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-No, don't...

-Chill out, mate. Just...

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Yeah, but I spent ages setting that up.

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-I reckon we should just take her out, man.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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Angel, where would you like to go?

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I want to go to Nana's.

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She's constantly, like, "Oh, Nana does this, Nana does that."

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She's just trying to throw it in my face.

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And I know what Angel's doing. She's clever.

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She wants me to rise to that,

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so that I can be the best father I can be.

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And for that, mate, I respect her.

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OK, change of plan.

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All right, do your jacket up. Put yourself over there.

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You all right to look after it all till Miche gets back?

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-Yeah, man, of course. Yeah, definitely.

-Sweet.

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I can trust you, yeah?

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Yeah! When have I ever let you down recently?

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You can go back in now, Steves, mate.

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See you in a bit.

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Bloody government, always trying to hold you down, isn't it, you know?

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I'm offering a job where you can be your own boss.

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Just jump in my van and do exactly what I tell you.

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Hello, mate. Do you want a job? Jump in the van, mate.

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Anyone want a job?

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Recruiting is about confidence.

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One thing that people love is confidence.

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I can sell anything to anyone, anywhere, any time, anywho,

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any what, why, where, who, why, when.

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Vintage, madam. Look at that.

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Cash money, bro.

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Wait till I pull up in the Merc, yeah?

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They're going to see the tash and the shoes,

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they're going to say, "Yes, that's my new boss."

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I don't get it. You know, in the films,

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they jump straight into your van.

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You open the doors, they come in.

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Maybe it only works with Mexicans.

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Where can I find some Mexicans?

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If you put something in for about six weeks,

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-once your regrowth has come through, yeah?

-Yeah, OK, great.

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And then that's £50 for today, thank you.

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-There you go.

-Oh, lovely, thanks.

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Erm, great.

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And so I hope you enjoyed your Lavender experience.

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-Thank you very much.

-Have a great day.

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When I first worked here, I didn't actually know what Lavender meant.

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But, obviously, I Googled it

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and, yeah, I found out that it is a tone of purple.

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-MAN:

-And it smells of lavender in here, as well.

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Er, well, it's purple.

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The plant, I mean.

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No, this is a colour.

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What about the picture behind you?

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Yeah, it's purple.

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No, the plant.

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Yeah, no, it's a purple plant. Is that what you mean?

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# Pure Kuruption... #

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You seen this?

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It's normally Grindah's chair but,

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as acting head honcho today, I can use it.

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Being second-in-command involves actually taking on

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the more stressful side of the work.

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I'd better not overdo it, though.

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So it's part and parcel of the game, really, innit?

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I'm like a paramedic. I'm always on call.

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Right about now, you're locked into the sounds of the legendary,

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the absolute number one,

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Kurupt FM 108.9 on your dial!

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-Steves!

-Yeah?

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Can you make me a tea, please, bruv?

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-Yeah.

-Cheers, mate.

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-What?

-Bruv, all the lights just went out at the same time.

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I think the poltergeist's back.

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It's definitely something to do with the electricity.

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It is to do with electricity

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because poltergeists control the electricity.

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-That's what I've been trying to say.

-What?

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-Poltergeists control electricity.

-Is it?

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Yeah. They take out electricity,

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and then they put it on again, but only the TV.

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And then you get sucked into the TV

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and you're a little girl or something.

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Don't get me started on the poltergeists, mate.

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I've heard murmured voices through the walls.

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I've heard creaking late at night.

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All... Other things, as well.

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So what other explanation is there?

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Supernatural occurrence.

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Steves, stop with this poltergeist shit, mate.

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You're throwing me off.

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Like, I really need to think.

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Grindah's going to go mad if he comes back and sees all this.

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I'm going to go and check the mirrors,

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cos sometimes you can see them in the mirrors.

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One, two, three, aaargh!

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Oh, my God!

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Angel, do the jump, as well!

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-Do the jump backwards!

-No!

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No, probably not, actually.

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Mummy would be furious if you broke something.

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Well, the most important thing to me, as a parent,

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is seeing my kid happy.

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And more importantly than that

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is knowing that she loves me more than anyone else in the world.

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Like, I know for a fact that Angel loves me more than her nan.

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Cos when she draws pictures of the family, Nana's never in them.

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If she was, I'd tear it up and Angel knows that.

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For example, you've got a beautiful one here that she done.

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And it's just me, Angel and her mum, do you know what I mean?

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Oh, yeah, and Decoy, as well.

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Just cos he's around quite a lot, so she includes him.

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So that's off.

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On. Off.

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No difference.

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On.

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It's definitely an electrical issue.

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-Call Grindah.

-I'm not calling Grindah, bruv.

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We're going to sort it.

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Call Chabuds.

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Bruv, I'm not calling Chabuds. Cos Grindah will find out.

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I'm going to sort it.

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Who pays the electricity bills? Does your nan still sort that?

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Yeah, she still does all the bills and everything.

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Give her a call. I've got credit.

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She ain't got a phone, though.

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She destroyed it, because I showed her a documentary

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about how the government track you through your phone.

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That's a good point.

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Right. We're going to go see her.

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-Now?

-Yeah, now.

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We need to sort this out, Steve, I told you.

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Right, let me get a zoot for the road.

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-Yeah.

-You not got a Rizla?

-We'll get some at the shop.

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Have you not got any?

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Steve, we don't have time. Pop yourself off.

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Angel, up this way, as well. Watch! Watch!

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-Get out of the way, it's my turn!

-No, it's not!

-Get out the way!

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-Stop!

-Oh, get out the way, it's my turn.

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Stop!

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Don't do that!

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All right, get out of the way! Get out of the way!

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-Oh, look, you can go like this, as well!

-Stop it!

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Your nan couldn't do that, could she?

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Hey...! Backwards, as well!

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She's really cute. How old is she?

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No, she's not mine. None of them are.

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Oh, whatever, mate.

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Who do you think they like more out of you and me?

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"Oh, my child can't go on the slide."

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Or me, the one who does it backwards, mate?

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You see that?

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I just went on the thing backwards!

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-They'd never seen anything like it.

-You killed it, man. I seen you.

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Her nan could never do anything like that in her pathetic little life.

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Phew!

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There you go, bro.

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Nice one.

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-Hey, there she is!

-Here she is.

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Have you got the phone? Going to call Beats.

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Oh, he's not answering.

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He's probably mixing, man.

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Yeah, maybe.

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-If she has stopped paying the electricity, that is just proper selfish, Steves.

-Hello, Lorna.

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Hello, Steves.

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Happy girl, we call her.

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Don't touch anything.

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Hi, Steve.

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How are you?

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Just normal, innit?

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Steves...

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I'm going to wait here.

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Old people weird me out a bit.

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-In-and-out job with your nan, all right?

-In and out?

-Yeah.

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"Never too old to dream big and set new goals."

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Once you go past 40, mate, do you know what I mean?

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Give up.

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Literally.

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Here she is.

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Oh, Na-na! What's going on?

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Oh, what a surprise!

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-Yes.

-I didn't expect you.

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How you doing, all right? What's going on? Good?

0:14:110:14:13

-Lovely.

-What are you lot saying?

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Oh! I've got something for you, actually.

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I was going to ask you something, as well.

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What was it?

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Keep them hidden.

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Nurse sorted them out for me.

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-They're mental.

-They're good, yeah?

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Yeah.

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Has he been on them? He looks fucked!

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Oh, he's always away with the fairies.

0:14:350:14:38

"Fire safety for people with sight, hearing and mobility difficulty."

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Good luck, do you know what I mean?

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They're playing a little bit of footy.

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Pretty agile, actually, for their age.

0:14:520:14:54

They could be good workers. I might have a little butchers,

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see if they're up for a bit of work.

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The thing is with these kids, yeah, you've got to relate to them.

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You've got to impress them, show them you know a bit about footy.

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They used to call me Bombay Becks.

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Do you need another player?

0:15:060:15:09

All right, let me see the ball, OK?

0:15:090:15:10

Just one second, I'll show you some skills and that. Just...

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Leave us alone!

0:15:170:15:19

Anyway, listen, any of you lot up for a bit of work?

0:15:230:15:25

-A bit of cash-in-hand work?

-No.

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No?

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-Hey, ese, are you Mexican?

-No.

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-So you're not up for any work?

-No.

0:15:320:15:34

All right.

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You lot are shit, anyway.

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I've found it hard, man. These kids don't want to work any more.

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Like, I was working from the age of eight with a tache, you know?

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And it's like these kids just want to lay about on chat roulette,

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dicks everywhere, sending dick pics, you know?

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Snatch snaps...

0:15:510:15:53

What they're into, these kids, it's nothing, really, you know?

0:15:530:15:56

It's like, you know?

0:15:560:15:57

I might just have one, to be fair.

0:16:030:16:05

You all right, Steve? Hello.

0:16:050:16:07

You all right? Everyone all right here?

0:16:070:16:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just having a little plate of biscuits.

0:16:090:16:13

Yes, thank you.

0:16:130:16:14

-Really enjoying them, actually, thank you.

-All right, love?

-Definitely.

0:16:140:16:18

When we met Steves, he was like, the kid used to live with his nan.

0:16:190:16:24

How sad is that? Do you know what I mean?

0:16:240:16:25

And then when we come along,

0:16:250:16:27

we sort of gave him the push to get her out of the flat

0:16:270:16:30

and we started pirate radio, do you know what I mean?

0:16:300:16:32

And now look at him now.

0:16:320:16:34

He's got the fucking four-till-five graveyard shift on Kurupt FM.

0:16:340:16:37

-DJ Steves. He used to just be Steves.

-Yeah.

0:16:370:16:40

HE TAKES A SNORT

0:16:450:16:46

That's for my back.

0:16:460:16:47

Ah, yeah, yeah.

0:16:470:16:48

That's a nice little burn at the back of the throat.

0:16:480:16:51

Yeah, that's good.

0:16:510:16:53

Little hint of wild berry!

0:16:530:16:55

-Like she's talking about wine, but it's drugs.

-Yes, yes.

0:16:570:17:00

That's a good year, that.

0:17:000:17:01

1995 was a very good year for pills.

0:17:010:17:05

Yeah.

0:17:050:17:06

HE MIMICS HER VOICE: 1995 was a...

0:17:060:17:08

Yeah. I can't really do voices.

0:17:080:17:10

No.

0:17:100:17:12

Wheeeeee!

0:17:150:17:17

Angel!

0:17:170:17:19

HE WHISTLES

0:17:190:17:21

Come here, boy!

0:17:210:17:23

There you go. See that?

0:17:230:17:25

The secret of parenting. They're basically like dogs.

0:17:250:17:27

Just give them sweets and then they just run around. It's easy.

0:17:270:17:30

Oh, I'm killing it, aren't I?

0:17:300:17:33

Wheeeeee!

0:17:330:17:34

Come on, Beats, mate.

0:17:340:17:36

PHONE RINGS

0:17:360:17:39

-MAN:

-Who's that?

0:17:390:17:41

It's Grindah.

0:17:410:17:42

PHONE STILL RINGING

0:17:420:17:44

Probably wants to know why radio's not on.

0:17:440:17:46

-Are you worried?

-Yeah, a little bit, because

0:17:470:17:50

if he gets back there and no-ones there, he's going to be fuming.

0:17:500:17:53

And we're not on air, so he's going to be even more fuming.

0:17:530:17:57

Is it important for Kurupt to stay on air?

0:17:580:18:01

Yeah, of course. If you want to be London's leading,

0:18:010:18:03

you can, literally, never go down, like.

0:18:030:18:06

PHONE STILL RINGING

0:18:060:18:09

And again.

0:18:090:18:10

PHONE RINGS

0:18:120:18:15

I'll just put it away.

0:18:150:18:17

Out of sight, out of mind.

0:18:180:18:20

Where is Steve, anyway, though?

0:18:200:18:21

PHONE RINGS

0:18:210:18:24

No, still answer machine.

0:18:240:18:26

No, we've got to get back. I'm getting worried now.

0:18:280:18:30

Angel!

0:18:300:18:32

-We're going.

-Sweets!

-No, no more sweets.

0:18:320:18:34

We're going. Come on.

0:18:340:18:36

All right, see you lot in a bit, yeah?

0:18:360:18:38

-Just catch us up wherever.

-I want to go and play more!

-This way.

0:18:380:18:41

I want to play more!

0:18:410:18:43

-Life's not all about fun, Angel. You've had too much fun.

-Yes, it is!

0:18:430:18:46

If you have too much fun, you can get a headache.

0:18:460:18:48

Daddy Grindah gets them all the time and they're not very good.

0:18:480:18:51

..because people actually have that voice in real life.

0:18:550:18:58

Hello. Nice to meet you.

0:18:580:19:00

Bruv, we need to do one. Did you find out about the electricity?

0:19:000:19:03

Oh, that's what I was going to do.

0:19:030:19:04

Did you stop paying the electricity?

0:19:040:19:07

Yeah, we got cut off.

0:19:070:19:08

That's weird. You're on a meter.

0:19:080:19:10

Ah, the meter must have run out.

0:19:110:19:13

No, couldn't have. No.

0:19:130:19:15

I rigged that meter with a magnet.

0:19:150:19:17

What's happened?

0:19:170:19:19

Basically, all I know is, yeah,

0:19:190:19:21

I was plugging in my new kettle and then I think a poltergeist has...

0:19:210:19:24

A new kettle, yeah?

0:19:240:19:26

Well, you've blown the fuse, haven't you, you daft twat.

0:19:260:19:29

-That's all it is.

-It's the fuse box.

0:19:290:19:31

We just go to the kettle and get the fuse box out of it.

0:19:310:19:34

Is the fuse box at Steves' flat?

0:19:340:19:36

Right, we've got to go.

0:19:360:19:37

Fuse box.

0:19:370:19:38

Come on, Steves.

0:19:380:19:40

-All right. Sorry, Nan. I've got to go.

-Here!

0:19:400:19:42

Don't forget these.

0:19:420:19:44

-Oh, yeah. You definitely don't need these, yeah?

-No, no. No.

0:19:440:19:47

-Oh, that's sweet.

-You'll enjoy them far more than I will.

0:19:470:19:50

Probably will, to be fair.

0:19:500:19:51

Anyway, I can always get some more, can't I?

0:19:510:19:53

"Oooh, I must have lost them. So sorry."

0:19:530:19:55

-No, I've got them, Nan. You just gave them to me!

-Oh, no, you great idiot!

0:19:550:19:58

-Go on, get out.

-I've got to go.

-Bye, Steves' Nan! Nice to meet you.

0:19:580:20:01

-Bye, Nan.

-Cheers.

0:20:010:20:02

-She's all right for an old, actually.

-Yeah.

0:20:020:20:05

You wally.

0:20:050:20:06

-What's going on? Why's...?

-What's up?

0:20:100:20:12

Well, it's not picking it up.

0:20:120:20:14

It probably don't reach this far.

0:20:140:20:15

It barely reaches beyond the blocks, like.

0:20:150:20:17

Don't try and blame Kurupt FM

0:20:170:20:19

because your shitty little radio ain't up to par.

0:20:190:20:21

More sweets!

0:20:210:20:23

Just have loads, all right?

0:20:240:20:25

If he gets back before us, I'm fucked.

0:20:310:20:34

Yeah.

0:20:340:20:35

-Is that our bus?

-That's our bus!

0:20:350:20:37

All right, let me get the whistle.

0:20:370:20:39

HE BLOWS WHISTLE

0:20:390:20:41

Got it from carnival.

0:20:410:20:44

-Does that feel OK to you?

-Yeah, that's nice.

0:20:440:20:46

-Is the temperature all right for you?

-Yeah.

0:20:460:20:49

I've put on quite a lot of foam so it gives you a deeper sort of clean.

0:20:490:20:53

Sorry, just bear with me a one second.

0:20:550:20:57

-Hurry up.

-What are you doing here?

0:20:570:20:59

I've got to get back to the radio, so I've got to drop her off here.

0:20:590:21:02

No, no, I don't finish for another hour, though.

0:21:020:21:05

Yeah, I'm a little bit early, but better than being late, innit?

0:21:050:21:07

-It's a good thing.

-Hiya. You OK, Miche?

0:21:070:21:10

Tanya!

0:21:100:21:11

Erm, sorry about this.

0:21:110:21:13

Er, well, this is my little girl, Angel, who I told you about.

0:21:130:21:16

And this is Grindah, who is her dad and my boyfriend.

0:21:160:21:19

Oh, and that's just his friend, though.

0:21:190:21:22

We're just dropping off the little one.

0:21:220:21:24

If she does cause any trouble, a little tip for you,

0:21:240:21:27

just give her a load of sweets every few minutes.

0:21:270:21:29

And then she'll be happy. Yeah? See you in a bit.

0:21:290:21:31

-Really sorry about this.

-Sweet. See you later, girl.

0:21:310:21:33

All right, well, Mummy's shampooing.

0:21:330:21:35

-No, Mummy's shampooing!

-Angel!

0:21:350:21:37

-Mummy just said pooing!

-Mummy said pooing!

-See you later.

0:21:370:21:40

Poo! Poo! Poo!

0:21:400:21:41

Hi, Angel.

0:21:410:21:43

Would you like to have your nails done?

0:21:430:21:45

Mummy said pooing!

0:21:450:21:47

Sorry, Tanya.

0:21:470:21:48

-Angel!

-Maybe just finish up there and then take a little break.

0:21:480:21:51

I'm really sorry about this,

0:21:510:21:52

-but if you just keep relaxing.

-You're a poo!

0:21:520:21:55

Tanya, I'm really sorry, OK?

0:21:550:21:56

It's OK. It's fine. It's fine.

0:21:560:21:58

-I think she's just had too many sweets.

-Angel! Angel!

0:21:580:22:01

You all right, little man-child?

0:22:020:22:04

Hey, listen, do you want to make a little bit of extra cash and that,

0:22:040:22:07

for, like, your Myspace page, maybe want to pimp it out?

0:22:070:22:09

-Facebook and that.

-Excuse me?

0:22:090:22:11

Hello.

0:22:110:22:12

Come on, Steves, mate, we haven't got time.

0:22:160:22:18

Bruv!

0:22:220:22:24

Bruv, do you want any of these?

0:22:240:22:27

Steves, we need to find the fucking fuse box, mate!

0:22:270:22:29

Where did your nan say it was?

0:22:290:22:31

Do you reckon the government just give old people, like, drugs

0:22:310:22:34

-just to try it out on them, sort of thing?

-Fucking hell.

0:22:340:22:37

Because, like, if they die, then it's not suspicious circumstances.

0:22:370:22:40

What's wrong with you? Grindah could be back any second.

0:22:400:22:43

You fucking moron! We need to find it now.

0:22:430:22:45

Oh, man...

0:22:450:22:46

Quick! Don't you even care?

0:22:460:22:48

I might just bosh a load of these because I'm not really feeling it right now.

0:22:480:22:52

Such a freak!

0:22:520:22:54

What does it even look like? Is it a different colour to a normal box?

0:22:540:22:57

It's a box that has electricity inside it!

0:22:570:22:59

Have you checked these ones?

0:23:020:23:05

-I can't even hear the tunes, man.

-Don't point it upwards.

0:23:050:23:08

Don't film that bit.

0:23:080:23:09

I'll look in the kitchen.

0:23:090:23:11

You getting anything in there, Steves?

0:23:130:23:15

No.

0:23:170:23:18

Get in, get in.

0:23:180:23:20

Don't let me down, Beats, mate.

0:23:230:23:25

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

0:23:280:23:30

Easy, boys. What's going on?

0:23:300:23:31

-Yeah, man, nothing.

-Good.

0:23:310:23:33

-Everything running smoothly, innit?

-Yeah, yeah.

0:23:330:23:36

Nice, nice.

0:23:360:23:38

We got the old power back up and running and that.

0:23:380:23:40

What? Yeah, what?

0:23:400:23:41

What?

0:23:410:23:43

Steven, you're getting slightly confused with your new medication.

0:23:450:23:48

Yeah? Do you want to carry on doing your record bag? Thank you.

0:23:480:23:52

It is really tough to run Kurupt Radio.

0:23:530:23:56

It's not that tough for me, because I'm naturally gifted.

0:23:560:23:58

Do you know what I mean?

0:23:580:23:59

-It's back-breaking labour for you, do you know what I mean?

-Yeah.

0:23:590:24:02

Oh...

0:24:020:24:03

Who's...

0:24:050:24:06

Who's changed the lumbar support on this?

0:24:070:24:10

Who's been on my seat?

0:24:100:24:11

I think Steves may have used it earlier to do his records.

0:24:130:24:17

Steves, mate.

0:24:170:24:18

It's my seat. Beats knows that.

0:24:180:24:21

He'd never touch it.

0:24:210:24:22

I'm having blackouts again.

0:24:220:24:24

I don't even remember doing that.

0:24:240:24:26

-Easy. You good, yeah?

-Yeah.

0:24:290:24:31

Watch out, because Angel's been sick on the carpet.

0:24:310:24:33

Probably all the bloody excitement she had today.

0:24:330:24:36

-She had, like, loads of sweets and that.

-Yeah?

0:24:360:24:38

It was sort of just a big sort of spray of multicoloured jelly.

0:24:380:24:41

Oh, not that bad, then, really, as sick goes.

0:24:410:24:43

-She said she had a nice day, anyway.

-Nice day?

0:24:430:24:46

Angel!

0:24:460:24:47

Angel, did you say you and Daddy had a nice day?

0:24:470:24:51

-No, we had the best day ever, didn't we?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:24:510:24:53

Better than with your nana, innit?

0:24:530:24:55

Yeah, high-five. High-five.

0:24:550:24:56

-Boom. There you have it, people!

-Keep your voice down.

0:24:560:24:59

I am officially better than your mum!

0:24:590:25:02

-Tell your mum.

-I should probably get going.

0:25:020:25:04

-Cool, mate. Nice one.

-Bye, Decoy. See you tomorrow.

0:25:040:25:06

Oh, man!

0:25:060:25:07

That's actually put me in a great mood, to be honest. Yeah.

0:25:090:25:11

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

0:25:110:25:15

HAMMERING ON DOOR

0:25:150:25:17

Weh-hey!

0:25:200:25:22

So listen, I thought I'd come and chat with Grindah.

0:25:220:25:25

See if anyone was up for a little bit of work.

0:25:250:25:27

Yeah? No, they're all gone.

0:25:270:25:29

I've just been sort of just here on my own, actually,

0:25:290:25:33

just finishing up for the night and that.

0:25:330:25:35

I've just realised that I've sorted the entire vinyl collection.

0:25:350:25:38

It's all in order now. Alphabetical.

0:25:380:25:39

-INTERVIEWER:

-What do your nan's drugs actually do?

0:25:410:25:43

It just livens you up. Livens you up.

0:25:430:25:45

Because old people, they slow down at that age.

0:25:450:25:48

So if you aren't old and then you do that,

0:25:480:25:50

you're moving at double the speed.

0:25:500:25:53

Stevie, what time do you finish, mate?

0:25:570:26:00

SWITCH CLICKS ON AND OFF REPEATEDLY

0:26:030:26:05

Roche.

0:26:070:26:08

OK.

0:26:100:26:11

You heard of these little things called 40-watt light bulbs?

0:26:130:26:17

Yeah, yeah, replace them up sometimes, fuse boxes, whatever.

0:26:170:26:20

I could do washing machines, whatever you're after, really.

0:26:200:26:23

Chill.

0:26:240:26:26

Anyone need a shit?

0:26:260:26:27

-Already had two today.

-No, you go for it, love.

0:26:270:26:30

Well, actually, I wonder if I left the bathroom light on downstairs.

0:26:310:26:35

Hm...

0:26:370:26:38

Oh, you fixed it?

0:26:400:26:42

Thanks, love. Not just a pretty face, are you?

0:26:430:26:45

Exactly.

0:26:460:26:47

It's amazing when he's like this, you know?

0:26:480:26:51

He's like a machine.

0:26:510:26:52

And everyone says he's some brain-dead weirdo!

0:26:530:26:56

-Huh?

-No, nothing.

0:26:560:26:58

I can't wait for the world to see

0:26:580:27:00

our replica designer brand, you know?

0:27:000:27:02

Look at this!

0:27:020:27:04

Limited edition Rolf Lauren.

0:27:050:27:08

Polo, mate.

0:27:080:27:09

-Jockey's bigger than the horse on that.

-Exactly!

0:27:090:27:12

This guy is great.

0:27:120:27:14

Dream job, innit?

0:27:140:27:15

Stay focused, Stevie. Stay focused.

0:27:150:27:18

TOILET FLUSHES

0:27:200:27:22

She's finished.

0:27:220:27:23

How was it?

0:27:280:27:29

Oh, get out my house!

0:27:290:27:31

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