War People Just Do Nothing


War

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Transcript


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This programme contains strong language.

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Come on, boys and girls, follow me.

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-You excited?

-Michael, here we go, come on.

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If everyone could get onto the bus as quick as possible, thank you.

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-Angel, nice to see you this morning, good morning.

-Morning, Angel.

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-INTERVIWER:

-So is Grindah making more of an effort now?

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Uh, yeah, and I like that he's making an effort.

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He's offering to help clean round the house

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and all of that, but I don't know, I just...

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I feel like maybe he's trying a bit too hard.

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Hiya, I'm Tony.

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-Ali.

-All right?

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OK, well done, boys and girls, that was very good behaviour,

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well done.

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-Thumbs up all round?

-It was great, are you excited?

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ALL: Yeah!

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Yes, it's going to be a great day, well done.

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Ah, I fucking love kids.

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Oh, fuck!

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How the fuck did they find us?

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"Snitches get stitches." Steve!

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VOICEOVER: Beef is part of pirate radio culture,

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goes with the territory.

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-INTWEVIWER:

-What would Robyn think if you went to war properly?

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If I had to go to war,

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so I'd sit down with her and watch Saving Private Ryans

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and just make sure she knew that I might not come back alive.

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Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, Stevie? Steves? Steves?

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No, not Steves. Stevie?

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He's freezing cold. Do something!

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-Stevie, talk to me, mate.

-Eh?

-Steve, hello? Can you hear me?

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Yeah, bruv, I was just sleeping, man.

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You had your eyes open.

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Yeah, I sleep like that sometimes.

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What were you saying? Did they hurt you?

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Who?

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We've been attacked.

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BABY CRIES

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Oh, shit, Robyn.

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Sorry, mate.

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Ah, sorry, mate.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello? Yeah, going. What? Ah, for...

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OK, don't worry, mate, relax, relax, I'm coming, I'm coming.

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OK, all right, bye.

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All right, you all right? Just...

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Just a bit of brown seepage from the...the roof. It's leaking again.

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All right? See you lot in a bit.

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Maybe get a couple with me and you, as well, though, Angel.

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-Shall we get one of the two of us?

-CAMERA CLICKS

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Might go and check on Angel, see if she's all right.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, no worries.

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-Oh, shall I get up?

-Yeah, if you could... Yeah, just...

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-INTERVIEWER:

-So, what are you doing to get Miche back?

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Look, I mean, look at me,

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like, I don't want to be looking like this, but that's

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cos I'm working, I'm working hard, do you know what I mean?

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Like, done my hair, pretend I'm a nice person.

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Me and Rahim's just been having such a good laugh together, actually.

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The stuff he comes out with, he's mental.

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Do you want to go and chat to him?

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I'm a likeable sort of guy.

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I know how to put it on, do you know what I mean?

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I constantly talk at someone with a massive smile on my face,

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like, "Ah, where are we going? To the museum?

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"I'm so excited. How are you?

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"What a lovely day, I love weather. And you look great today

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"and I love the way you're dressed. How are you?"

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Ooh, I just can't wait to teach all these little guys about the...

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Great War and Battle of Brighton, so...

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Britain.

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Britain, yeah, no, I just meant like cos a lot of the, uh, battles,

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the little ones, took place on the beaches of Brighton, so...

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-Ah, yeah.

-Yeah.

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Come on, boys, we need to get this done ASAP,

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before the neighbours start talking.

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Fair play to whoever done it, it's quite neat, though, isn't it?

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Spray paint is quite difficult when you're freehand.

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-They've done a good job...

-Yeah, they have.

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They've not fucking done a good job, Steven. Here, start cleaning.

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-So, is that my toothbrush?

-Yeah.

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-Huh!

-Hiya.

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Oh, just a random, unprovoked piece of graffiti.

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-Yeah, bloody racist, isn't it?

-Yeah.

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Back at it. Hate crime.

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Get, get us out, get us, get me out.

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THEY LAUGH

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-Hurry up!

-All right.

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Come on, Steve, you're still on the S.

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-Takes a while.

-I've done three letters.

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Yeah, but I've got a smaller ratio cos I've got a toothbrush.

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Well, at least we don't know what it said now.

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It says, "Nitch get stit." It's like German.

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Come on, guys, thank you. Straight through the two pillars

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and you'll see the door.

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-Good.

-PHONE RINGS

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What?

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Hello?

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-Steves, are you with Beats?

-Yes, bruv.

-Ah, yes, brother.

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Tell him I'm not talking to him. I'm not talking to you, Beats.

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-But it's Kold FM.

-Nah, mate.

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-We're under attack.

-Don't care, mate.

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Please, mate, come back, please.

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Bruv, I ain't coming back for shit, man's grown up now.

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Tell him about the graffiti and...

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He said to tell you about the graffiti.

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I don't care about the graffiti, that's nothing to do with me.

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Kurupt might die without you.

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It died years ago.

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You only left two weeks ago, mate.

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Don't care, not my problem.

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Why don't you deal with them little pussy holes yourself, yeah?

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It's, uh, it's just...it's... Uh, come on, everyone,

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straight in your groups of twos.

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-INTERVIEWER:

-So, are you worried that Kold FM will take Kurupt out?

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Tsh! I'm not worried, I know they're going to do that.

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Kold will take Kurupt down now the leader ain't there,

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do you know what I mean?

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They know the general has gone, so what are they going to do?

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They're going to go for the little prawns.

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Where's Boss?

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Yeah, I spoke to Grindah.

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On our own.

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OK, front and rear windows are very secure.

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-Chabzy...

-Yes.

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We're five storeys up, mate.

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The easiest place to come through is the front door.

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Yeah, good point, let's check them out, as well.

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-Let's check that.

-Yeah.

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Cor blimey, mate, that's a lot of cash, Stevie,

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you doing your cage dancing again?

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Oh, no, this is my inheritance.

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I didn't get paid for cage dancing, that was just voluntary.

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No, I don't think money's changed me at all.

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Like, I've bought a new pair of trainers, but, no,

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apart from that, like, I haven't changed.

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Like, literally I haven't changed,

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I've got the same clothes on that I had before the money.

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We're just going to shoot to the shop, Nana,

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and we're going to get some... some stuff to reinforce the door.

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Keep your money safe.

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Right, looks like the... Hello, boss.

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Oh, perfect, security.

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Yeah, that's a good bit of kit.

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That's good, yeah, locks.

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That's a good one. Look at the girth on that,

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that's at least three inches.

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-Ah, they've got a safe, maximum strength.

-Oh, perfect.

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Digital, steel safe. Oh, yeah, I'm going to get one of them.

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-Oi, Chabzy.

-Yeah?

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Maybe you distract that geezer so I can just run out with this,

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-cos it...

-What? You're not just going to pay for it?

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Yeah, I could just pay for it.

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Yeah. Get it, get it, mate.

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I'm going to treat myself.

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Treat yourself, mate.

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-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello, boss.

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I'd like to buy this today.

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Great.

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Great. Also, there's a couple more bits.

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It's all fallen down.

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Don't worry, I'm paying for all this, it's not...

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Uh...

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Some of them, as well.

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Got a lot down there, huh?

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That is probably it, unless - do you want anything else?

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Listen, boss, do you sell porta potties?

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-No, sorry.

-No?

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Oh, I'll tell you what,

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I'm just going to get some air fresheners, then.

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-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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OK, guys, listen up, everyone, listen up.

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OK, so you all know who your groups are.

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Now, we're going to be handing out some...

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-Oh, OK.

-..worksheets to your team leaders.

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Take one, hand it on.

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Now, the first group to get all the questions right wins.

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Win what? A competition?

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What do we win?

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You win the title of best group.

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Wait, let me get this...

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So if we win it means we're better than everyone else in here, yeah?

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I suppose so.

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OK, just come here.

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-Right, so, what we need to do...

-We've got to be the best, yeah?

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Listen, we can't let any of these other little dickheads win,

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all right? Spud man, come on, yeah,

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let's do this, and don't fuck this up, yeah?

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The one thing I learnt at school, yeah,

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was that I have to win at everything, cos back then

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all the little kids used to laugh at me for losing and that.

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Not any more, though. These days I can walk through any playground

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like a man, knowing that I'm better than any of these tiny little nigs.

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Now who's laughing?

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Everyone ready? Three, two, one, go!

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Leave no-one behind, come on!

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Well, you just need to stay in your pairs, yeah?

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And, Angel, you're going to go in a pair with Mummy, yeah?

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I want to go with Carly.

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Yeah, right, but blood is thicker than water, Angel, so you're not.

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Why wouldn't you just go in a pair with me?

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You've always gone in a pair with me.

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Ever since you were in my tummy, we've always been a pair.

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But she's my best friend.

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Well, who's Mummy meant to be pairs with?

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If they come in now I'll be like,

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"Oh, no, don't come in."

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Whack!

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MUFFLED VOICES Do you hear that?

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All right, mate?

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Thought you were the Kold FM boys.

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No, no, no.

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Thank God for that.

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-Air freshener?

-Yeah, don't worry about that.

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Look what I've got.

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Get it all in, get it all in.

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Sick! Is that a safe?

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Yeah. Thought it's good to keep my nan's money, like, safe, innit?

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-Yeah.

-Means I can stop hiding it in her buggy, as well.

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There's a couple of different ones,

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-but I wanted the electronic one, so...

-Oh, nice.

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..you just lock it, put in a random code, and then, bang!

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No getting in to that.

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So what's the code?

0:10:060:10:07

It's random.

0:10:090:10:10

Yeah, but it's like a secret code.

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-Yeah.

-And you put your secret code in.

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-Exactly, no-one knows.

-And then it opens it.

-No-one....

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But now you can't open it cos you don't know the code.

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Yeah, but only I know the code, that's the whole point.

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So put it in.

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Yeah...

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Can't remember what to put.

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-Exactly.

-Too random.

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Fuck me, Steves, you're an idiot.

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Planes. Got big wheels, hasn't it? Ha! It's like a car.

0:10:420:10:46

This one's sort of a sausage shape, and this one's more sort of...

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Yeah, sort of greyish.

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And this is a photo, which is in black and white

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because they couldn't afford colour film in those days, so...

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When did the war end?

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Oh, right, we're doing the worksheet, are we? Boffin.

0:11:020:11:05

OK, so, if we don't know the answer to a question,

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we need to do some research, and how do we research?

0:11:080:11:12

We can look at the information points next to each...

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No, incorrect. Angel, do you know the answer?

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-Google?

-Yeah, good. OK, so everyone get their phones out, please.

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-Isn't that cheating?

-Shh! Shh! Shh! Fingers on lips, everyone.

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-Hurry up, you freaks!

-Get your phones out, though.

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You in the back, hurry up! Come on, quick!

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Wait, stop, stop, stop. Is this...

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Is this a Spitfire?

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Read the sign! Is it a Spitfire?

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I think it's really sweet that Grindah's making an effort,

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and obviously there is the saying "too little, too late",

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and I'm not saying that I'm saying that saying,

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but obviously it could potentially be too little too late,

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I guess, yeah. Watch this space.

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Oh, you're learning not to be a little freak for once, come on!

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Hurry up!

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Jesus! Hurry up, you freak! Is there actually something wrong with you?

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Cos if there is then we're going to leave you behind.

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Well, then, come on!

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Oh, what? There's loads of planes!

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-We're never going to find it!

-Whoa! Whoa!

0:12:050:12:07

This is what they do in the films. Normally works, actually.

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SAFE BEEPS

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Yeah, no, I'm only getting loud beeps.

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Give me the bat.

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-I'm going to get Chabzy. Chabzy!

-Yes, boss?

0:12:290:12:32

How do you break into a safe?

0:12:320:12:34

You want to use that?

0:12:350:12:37

Argh!

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You fucked it, Steves.

0:12:460:12:47

We need to draw a plane. Get to the front, get to the front

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and draw it when I'm in it.

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Ah, this is sick.

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Ah, we'll blow all the other teams' heads off, won't we?

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ALL: Yeah!

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Ah, come on, then, let's go.

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You draw that flag.

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-Are you having fun, yeah?

-ALL: Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah. Are you having fun or not?

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Do you want five detentions?

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OK, so you're having fun, yeah?

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-Yeah!

-No.

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We're having such a good time with these...

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-No.

-Ah, you, come on.

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Do you want to get out?

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All done, boss.

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So look at this, got all the keys here, mate, yeah?

0:13:230:13:26

-That one's for the top one, OK?

-OK.

0:13:260:13:28

This one there, that one for that one...

0:13:280:13:31

..that one for that one,

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this one for that one.

0:13:340:13:36

So they're all here, OK, boss?

0:13:360:13:38

If your station is secure enough,

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then no-one should be able to get in.

0:13:400:13:42

It don't matter what they do on the outside.

0:13:420:13:45

Do you mind getting that one, actually?

0:13:450:13:47

Just getting that, and the bottom one.

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Ready? One, two, three, and lift.

0:13:490:13:52

You seen that film, Panic Room, with Jodie Foster's in?

0:13:520:13:55

-INTERVIEWER:

-Yeah.

0:13:550:13:56

We're going for that sort of vibe.

0:13:570:13:59

-Cos you said there were seven, but...

-Yeah.

-..I can only see four.

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There's four on here, but there's actually seven locks on the door.

0:14:020:14:05

There's three ghost locks and they're actually

0:14:050:14:07

the most impenetrable.

0:14:070:14:09

No-one's going to be able to get into this place, man,

0:14:090:14:11

-I'm telling you, it's not...

-Sorry about that.

0:14:110:14:13

I'm just going to take this up to the top of the blocks

0:14:130:14:15

and chuck it off, try and, like, smash it open.

0:14:150:14:18

-All right, Steves.

-See you in a bit.

0:14:180:14:19

-All right, mate.

-Right, let's test her out.

0:14:190:14:22

-Integrity test, yeah?

-Yeah.

0:14:220:14:24

Good idea, let me just...

0:14:240:14:25

Shit, bruv.

0:14:270:14:28

Let me...

0:14:290:14:31

-What have you done?

-Shit, um...

0:14:310:14:33

I left the keys in there. We're locked out, so...

0:14:330:14:35

Oh, you fucking donkey! Robyn's in there.

0:14:350:14:38

Oh, good idea. Robyn!

0:14:380:14:40

Listen, there's seven keys on the counter.

0:14:400:14:43

-She's not saying anything, man.

-Are you thick?

0:14:430:14:45

She doesn't even speak English yet,

0:14:450:14:47

she's not going to understand your weird, stupid accent.

0:14:470:14:49

-Of course.

-Robyn!

0:14:490:14:52

Robyn! Stay calm!

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Daddy's going to save you!

0:14:550:14:57

-What? V-I.

-ET.

-E-T.

-N.

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-Wait. N, yeah.

-A.

0:15:000:15:03

A-M, M. OK, good.

0:15:030:15:05

-Tony? Tony?

-S. Come on!

0:15:050:15:07

If I could just have you...

0:15:070:15:09

Look, can you just take it down a notch?

0:15:090:15:11

We need these worksheets to last till the end of the day.

0:15:110:15:13

Oh, I see what's going on here, someone's worried about losing.

0:15:130:15:16

Trying to slow us down, are you? Trying to get in my head?

0:15:160:15:18

Ain't happening, mate. Let's go, come on!

0:15:180:15:20

-Mr...

-Ha-ha!

0:15:200:15:21

Ah, sick! Chinook! Let's get in!

0:15:260:15:27

We're better than you! Ha-ha!

0:15:310:15:33

Right, just ignore him. Mr Zografos obviously is a little bit excited.

0:15:330:15:37

Fuck's sake, man, should have brought the weapons out with us.

0:15:370:15:41

We're vulnerable. Fuck!

0:15:420:15:44

PHONE BEEPS Ah, shit.

0:15:440:15:46

Hello, Roche, how are you?

0:15:470:15:50

No, yeah, no, everything's fine, yeah, cool, cool.

0:15:510:15:54

Yeah, cool, cool.

0:15:550:15:57

Just at the studio with Robyn and the boys. Cool, cool, cool.

0:15:570:16:00

I'm not saying "cool" loads, everything's fine.

0:16:020:16:04

Yeah, I can get milk.

0:16:060:16:07

This is definitely going to work.

0:16:090:16:11

Just going to go for the launch.

0:16:140:16:16

Sorry, that's mine.

0:16:240:16:25

I didn't think about this bit.

0:16:270:16:28

Excuse me...

0:16:300:16:32

Can you just look after that for me?

0:16:320:16:34

-INTERVIEWER:

-What would your nan want you to do with the money?

0:16:350:16:38

That's partly the stressful thing about having the money

0:16:380:16:41

is I don't really know what she wanted me to do with it,

0:16:410:16:43

so I'm just holding on to it for now, like, and just spending it on

0:16:430:16:47

just little things like essentials, like food and, like, weed and that.

0:16:470:16:53

Ah, thanks, you lot. Sorry for that.

0:16:530:16:55

Right, I'll bundle it.

0:16:560:16:58

Excuse me, excuse me.

0:16:580:16:59

What's she doing? She just fucked off with the...

0:17:010:17:03

Sorry, bruv, no, no, no, no. No, no, that's...

0:17:030:17:06

Bruv! It's actually my... It's my inheritance money.

0:17:060:17:10

Ah, fuck sake.

0:17:120:17:13

Waste of money, innit?

0:17:140:17:16

Oh! Angel, do you want to come and have lunch with Mummy?

0:17:210:17:25

Should we scooch up so I can just fit in?

0:17:250:17:28

Um... There's no room.

0:17:280:17:30

Right.

0:17:310:17:32

-You all right?

-Yeah, you all right?

0:17:400:17:41

How's the quiz going? Got many left?

0:17:410:17:43

Well, how many have you got left?

0:17:430:17:45

Oh, fuck knows, my group are all stuck-up little bitches.

0:17:450:17:47

You made your own packed lunch?

0:17:510:17:52

-Yeah.

-Did you leave the crust on your sandwiches, though?

0:17:520:17:55

Yeah, it's actually quite long to get them off, so just...

0:17:550:17:59

I don't really mind about this any more.

0:17:590:18:01

Changed quite a lot, see?

0:18:010:18:03

Ah...

0:18:080:18:10

It is quite dry, the crust, innit?

0:18:100:18:12

Ah, that's better.

0:18:150:18:16

Look, I've got a coat hanger, mate. This normally works.

0:18:180:18:20

BABY CRIES I can't wait any more, Chabzy.

0:18:200:18:22

-What? What?

-This is insane.

0:18:220:18:24

What is?

0:18:240:18:25

Robyn, I'm coming, Daddy's coming!

0:18:260:18:29

What are you doing, man? Easy, man, watch the door.

0:18:290:18:32

Oh, my God! Our door!

0:18:320:18:34

When you're a dad, you sort of get this superhuman strength.

0:18:370:18:41

Like, if your child is at any risk you basically turn into Wolverine,

0:18:410:18:45

but obviously without the blades bursting out of the skin and that,

0:18:450:18:50

cos that would be actually...

0:18:500:18:52

That would be hard to look after a baby with all that madness going on.

0:18:520:18:55

Daddy's here, I'mma save you.

0:18:550:18:57

I'm sorry about that, I'll never leave you again.

0:18:570:19:01

Oh, look at this.

0:19:010:19:02

Oh, my God.

0:19:040:19:05

What's it saying? Is it... Is it gone?

0:19:090:19:12

Yes, mate, locks are definitely broken,

0:19:120:19:14

which is a real shame because they were put on beautifully.

0:19:140:19:17

Yeah, we're open to attack right now, mate,

0:19:170:19:19

and we don't even have a front door, so, please.

0:19:190:19:21

OK, listen, mate, I'll tell you what,

0:19:210:19:23

if it does come down to a fighting situation,

0:19:230:19:25

they're going to have to get through me first.

0:19:250:19:27

-Yeah.

-I'm getting sick of it, mate.

0:19:270:19:28

If they come down, what I'm going to do, first thing,

0:19:280:19:30

yeah, right in the eyes, yeah?

0:19:300:19:32

Grab them by the throat like that, bang, yeah? Ankle...

0:19:320:19:34

-VOICEOVER:

-I know so much about fighting, yeah?

0:19:340:19:36

And when it comes to fighting, you don't need to punch a man.

0:19:360:19:39

Wait there one sec. Show me.

0:19:390:19:41

You grab him by the throat, he's out.

0:19:410:19:44

-Yeah.

-Body lock.

0:19:440:19:45

-Go for it.

-A body lock like that, yeah?

0:19:450:19:48

-Like that, and I tickle him, look, you can even tickle him...

-Oh!

0:19:480:19:51

He wakes up, he's pissed himself on the floor lying there.

0:19:510:19:54

-That's too far, man.

-Yeah, sorry, mate.

0:19:540:19:57

Chabuddy G, I'm not fucking with him again.

0:19:570:20:00

No fingerprints, no blood. It's cleaner.

0:20:000:20:03

Apart from the piss, obviously.

0:20:040:20:06

You know, just do the door.

0:20:060:20:09

Yeah, sorry, man.

0:20:090:20:10

The army men were so fit then, weren't they?

0:20:120:20:15

Yeah.

0:20:150:20:16

Reminds me a lot of myself, back in the radio days, a few weeks ago.

0:20:160:20:20

Yeah, just real, strong, proper men saving the world.

0:20:200:20:23

Yeah, like I used to with my lyrics.

0:20:230:20:25

Do you not miss it?

0:20:270:20:28

Like, I feel like this isn't you.

0:20:280:20:30

You're not a teacher. You're a soldier.

0:20:300:20:33

You're right.

0:20:360:20:37

Even my mum used to say it.

0:20:370:20:39

She used to say I was her brave little soldier.

0:20:390:20:41

Course I'm not a teacher.

0:20:430:20:44

Teachers are pathetic!

0:20:440:20:46

I'm built for more. I'm a soldier.

0:20:460:20:49

I'm a soldier!

0:20:520:20:53

FOOTSTEPS OUTSIDE

0:21:020:21:03

What? Stevie, is that you?

0:21:030:21:05

Yeah, man. What's happened to the fucking door?

0:21:050:21:07

Oh, hold on one minute, one minute, one minute.

0:21:070:21:09

-Did they come?

-Oh, yeah, no, no, no.

0:21:090:21:11

They been here?

0:21:110:21:12

No, I'll explain later. We had a bit of an issue, but it's cool.

0:21:120:21:15

Steves, you got it open, yeah?

0:21:150:21:17

Yeah, had a bit of a Crystal Maze moment in the car park,

0:21:170:21:20

but I got most of it back.

0:21:200:21:21

All right, Nan? Are you fuming at me about the money?

0:21:210:21:24

Here you are, I'll put it all under the bed again,

0:21:240:21:26

cos it's safer there, innit?

0:21:260:21:28

Steves, take the bat.

0:21:280:21:30

-What?

-Take it.

0:21:300:21:32

You're on guard duty.

0:21:330:21:35

Have I got to hit people?

0:21:360:21:37

I've never hit anyone.

0:21:380:21:40

How long have I got to be on guard duty?

0:21:400:21:42

You're doing 12 hours on, 12 hours off.

0:21:420:21:45

We need to invent some sort of password or something.

0:21:450:21:48

All right, cool.

0:21:480:21:50

Jesus.

0:21:500:21:51

Listen up, people! I've got a little announcement to make.

0:21:530:21:56

Shh! Come on, turn around this way.

0:21:560:21:58

Being here today has inspired me,

0:21:580:22:01

and it's made me realise that I shouldn't be here.

0:22:010:22:04

I'm a general. I've got my own war to fight - the Kold war,

0:22:040:22:08

and I'm ready to die for my lyrical freedom,

0:22:080:22:11

cos I am Kurupt FM, and no-one can take me down.

0:22:110:22:14

Mr Zografos, would you mind st...

0:22:140:22:16

Rahim, mate, you wouldn't understand, yeah?

0:22:160:22:18

My work here is done. The kids know what they're doing.

0:22:180:22:20

I've inspired them already.

0:22:200:22:21

And, to be honest, I'm bigger than all this teaching bollocks, yeah?

0:22:210:22:25

Right now I'm needed on the front line.

0:22:250:22:27

Miche...

0:22:280:22:29

I'll see you soon.

0:22:300:22:32

This is your time.

0:22:320:22:33

It is my time.

0:22:340:22:35

All men have to fight.

0:22:360:22:38

A real man does what needs to be done.

0:22:390:22:41

No, he's not scared, and he doesn't care what other people think.

0:22:410:22:44

In a bit, make sure you lot lock into 108.9, yeah?

0:22:440:22:46

That's the kind of man that I want,

0:22:460:22:48

someone who fights for what he believes in and looks good in a cap.

0:22:480:22:52

RAHIM: OK, if your group joins me over here...

0:22:530:22:55

We've got to be ready for war, for whatever happens, mate,

0:22:580:23:00

-you know what I mean?

-Yeah.

-Ready to die.

0:23:000:23:02

If we're going to go out, we've got to go out like men, mate,

0:23:020:23:05

go out in a blaze of glory, you know?

0:23:050:23:07

It's the return of the general.

0:23:080:23:10

I think I'll be remembered as one of the great leaders of our generation.

0:23:100:23:14

I missed this place.

0:23:140:23:16

Before me you had people like Churchill,

0:23:170:23:19

that bro with the little 'tache that used to shout loads,

0:23:190:23:22

you know, powerful leaders that inspired the people.

0:23:220:23:25

Back to take control of my station.

0:23:250:23:27

KEY TURNS

0:23:290:23:31

Boys!

0:23:310:23:32

-Who is it?

-Someone's outside.

-Who's that?

0:23:320:23:34

-Deal with it, Steves, please deal with it.

-What do you mean?

0:23:340:23:37

What? What's going on?

0:23:370:23:40

Come on, man.

0:23:400:23:41

-Just me?

-You're going to have to fight them.

0:23:410:23:43

-On my own?

-I'm the main one, I need to be protected.

0:23:430:23:46

-GRINDAH:

-Oi!

-I'm... It's my first shift, I'm not ready...

0:23:460:23:49

Stevie, just listen, I've got you, don't worry.

0:23:490:23:51

What the... I can hear you lot talking.

0:23:510:23:54

Um...

0:23:550:23:56

What... What's the password?

0:23:560:23:58

Pass... I don't know what the pa...

0:23:580:23:59

There wasn't a password when I was last here.

0:23:590:24:02

Is that Grindah? Does kind of sound like Grindah.

0:24:020:24:04

Yeah, but he could be doing an impression.

0:24:040:24:06

-Is this a new thing?

-They've got him tied up or something.

-Hello?

0:24:060:24:09

Sorry, mate, could you say the password, please, mate?

0:24:090:24:12

I don't know, Kurupt FM?

0:24:160:24:18

-Oh!

-Oh, my God!

-Oh, my God!

0:24:180:24:20

Oh...

0:24:200:24:22

Come here. Come here.

0:24:270:24:29

-Ah!

-Let it out.

0:24:290:24:32

Throughout my whole life I've always thought, "What would Grindah do?"

0:24:320:24:36

-Mm!

-Daddy's back, all right?

0:24:360:24:38

-Yeah.

-Nothing can harm you now.

0:24:380:24:39

-So good to see you, man.

-Yeah.

0:24:390:24:41

Cos look what he's done for me.

0:24:410:24:42

We're on Brentford's biggest pirate radio station, and I'm 31 years old.

0:24:440:24:49

I've accomplished a lot.

0:24:500:24:52

Welcome home, mate.

0:24:530:24:55

Please, Steve, mate, I ain't staying at this shit hole.

0:24:550:24:57

I'm only back for radio.

0:24:570:24:59

Fair enough.

0:24:590:25:00

I'm here to show everyone that Kurupt FM is not to be fucked with,

0:25:000:25:05

cos we're the biggest, baddest, roughneckest

0:25:050:25:08

radio station in the land, like.

0:25:080:25:10

-Trust me, trust me.

-Best believe!

0:25:100:25:11

BABY CRIES

0:25:110:25:13

Ah, for fuck's sake.

0:25:130:25:14

She's banned from the station for a start, yeah?

0:25:140:25:17

No chicks at radio.

0:25:170:25:18

-Fair enough.

-Yeah, and hurry up, we've got things to do.

0:25:180:25:21

ANGEL: Time to jump!

0:25:210:25:23

There's Nazis everywhere.

0:25:240:25:25

TOY GUN RATTLES

0:25:250:25:26

Yah!

0:25:260:25:28

Yeah... Angel?

0:25:280:25:30

Angel, why don't you go and kill the Nazis in your bedroom?

0:25:310:25:34

Yes, Mum!

0:25:340:25:36

-Yeah, good girl.

-Hup-hup-hup-hup-hup-hup-hup-hup!

0:25:360:25:40

You could have helped.

0:25:490:25:51

Sorry, man.

0:25:520:25:53

Bring your baby along to everything.

0:25:530:25:55

The most damaging thing you can do to a pirate station

0:25:550:25:58

-is take down their aerial.

-Yeah.

0:25:580:26:01

Come on.

0:26:010:26:02

I might have to catch you up.

0:26:020:26:04

But we did something even more clever. We took down our own aerial.

0:26:040:26:08

Exactly. My little idea, actually.

0:26:080:26:10

-Yeah.

-This way they'll never find it.

0:26:100:26:12

-Oh, yeah, yeah! Kold FM slinking inside, yeah?

-Yeah, trust me.

0:26:120:26:17

If you lot are listening, yeah,

0:26:170:26:19

I'd love to see you try and take down our aerial now, mate, yeah?

0:26:190:26:22

Exactly, yeah.

0:26:220:26:24

No pirate in their right mind

0:26:240:26:25

would ever keep their aerial at their station.

0:26:250:26:27

-It's a double bluff.

-Yeah.

0:26:270:26:28

It's so stupid that, like...

0:26:280:26:30

"Ah, surely they wouldn't do that, would they?"

0:26:300:26:32

-Yeah.

-Unthinkable.

0:26:320:26:34

THEY LAUGH

0:26:340:26:35

-Idiots.

-Fucking dickheads.

-Yeah.

0:26:350:26:36

HE FREESTYLES

0:26:360:26:37

# Typical stars of the G

0:26:370:26:39

-# One!

-To the I, E, N, to the D

0:26:390:26:41

-# Rapper MC inside the committee

-D!

0:26:410:26:43

# When I'm on the mic you know we get diddy

0:26:430:26:44

# Kurupt FM, that's my community! #

0:26:440:26:46

Old tight lady, Miche, yeah,

0:26:460:26:48

-making man remember that man is a general at it.

-Ah, bless.

0:26:480:26:51

Macking into place!

0:26:510:26:53

# MC Grindah, back like I never left

0:26:530:26:55

# And I stay high like the peaks of the Everest

0:26:550:26:57

# Old school, like booking flights through Teletext

0:26:570:26:59

-# You put the microphone beneath...

-Hey!

0:26:590:27:01

-# I'll deliver you like FedEx

-Hey!

0:27:010:27:03

# Or Air Mail... #

0:27:030:27:04

Is it good to have Grindah back, then?

0:27:040:27:06

Come here.

0:27:060:27:07

-It's like, you know when you need a shit on the bus?

-Yeah.

0:27:070:27:09

But there's nowhere you can go, and it's just getting more painful

0:27:090:27:12

and painful, and then you think,

0:27:120:27:14

"Fuck, I'm going to actually shit myself."

0:27:140:27:16

Grindah's like the McDonalds in the horizon. It's coming closer.

0:27:160:27:21

I get there and it just flies out.

0:27:210:27:23

Yeah.

0:27:230:27:24

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