War & Peace Perry and Croft: Made in Britain


War & Peace

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Don't panic, don't panic!

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Hi-de-hi!

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Ho-de-ho!

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I don't like the name sitcom, really.

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They are all character comedies, really. There's a situation in them,

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but it's really their reaction, the way they behave as people

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that we are interested in and I think that's why they work.

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We like a bunch of idiots, but real people, and put them

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in a difficult situation and see how they get out of it.

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We're doomed!

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-Well, you see...

-Shut up!

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You rang, my Lord.

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To the Home Guard!

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You may measure it.

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David Croft and I usually take a part of history, something that's period.

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Everything we write about has actually happened.

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-NEWSREEL:

-Six weeks of final preparation went into those plans.

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Six weeks to determine the history of 1,000 years.

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The thing was foolproof.

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You have to be able to fall back on solid ideas and solid characters

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which have some basis in reality, I think.

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Both Croft and Perry come from theatrical backgrounds.

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Croft became a BBC comedy director and producer,

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Jimmy Perry ran a repertory company,

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acted and got to know Croft on the set.

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Now they are inseparable and their chemistry produces scenes like this.

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And your name will go on the list.

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And when we win the war, you will be brought to account.

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You can write what you like. You're not going to win this war.

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-Oh, yes, we are.

-Oh, no, you're not.

-Oh, yes, we are!

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# Whistle while you work Hitler is a twerp

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# He's half barmy, so's his army

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# Whistle while you work. #

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Your name will also go on the list.

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What is it?

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-Don't tell him, Pike.

-Pike.

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Jimmy, it was your original idea. How did you come up with it?

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Oh, I don't know, Judy, it just...

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I was walking down the street one day in 1967 and I thought,

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oh, that's a good idea, why not write a comedy series about the Home Guard?

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MUSIC: Brown Sugar by The Rolling Stones

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Were you ever in the Home Guard, Jimmy Perry?

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Yes, I joined in September 1940. I was 17.

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So you are behind time, really. You weren't with these...

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No, I was too young, it was 17 to 65, although there were plenty over 65.

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'We want large numbers of such men between the ages of 17 and 65

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'to come forward now

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'and offer their service in order to make assurance doubly sure.

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'You will not be paid,

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'but you will receive uniform and will be armed.

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'The name of the new force will be the local defence volunteers.

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'This name describes the duties in three words.

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'Here then is the opportunity

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'for which so many of you have been waiting.

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'Your loyal help will make and keep our country safe.'

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Right. Let's go to it.

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What happened the day you joined up?

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-I went down to the police station.

-When was this?

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On the Whit Tuesday evening.

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And they knew nothing at all about it.

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But mind you, to be quite fair,

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Mr Eden hadn't finished his speech.

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-At any rate...

-You were a bit quick.

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Well, I was, I thought it was the proper thing to do.

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# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler

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# If you think we're on the run

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# We are the boys

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# Who will stop your little game

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# We are the boys

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# Who will make you think again

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# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler

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# If you think old England's done

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# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21

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# But he comes home each evening

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# And he's ready with his gun... #

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-Where'd you get that gun?

-Eh?

-The gun, where did you get it?

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-It belongs to my friend, actually.

-I see.

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-He's got a friend...a gun.

-Yes, I can see that, sir, yes.

-Well?

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-Yes, well?

-I'm the officer.

-Quite, sir.

-You're the sergeant.

-Quite, sir.

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-We ought to have that.

-Yes.

-Go ask him for it.

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-Don't you think it would have more authority coming from you, sir?

-No.

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Right.

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Excuse me, Mr Mainwaring would rather like to have your rifle.

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-Who would like to have it?

-Captain Mainwaring.

-Well, he can't have it.

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Now look here, Godfrey, hand over that gun at once.

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I don't see why I should.

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Are you refusing to obey an order on active service?

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You realise we could have you shot for this.

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That'll be a bit tricky since he's the only one with a gun.

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The joke about the rifle actually happened because we didn't have any.

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Only one person had the rifle and that conversation...

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Well, David and I worked it out basically, you know,

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in a dramatic content, but that did actually happen.

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# Could you please oblige us with the Bren gun?

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# The lack of one is wounding to our pride

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# Last night we found the cutest little German parachutist

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# He looked at our kit, jiggled a bit

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# And laughed until he cried

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# We'll have to hide that armoured car, we're marching to Berlin

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# We'd almost be ashamed of it in Rome

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# So if you can't oblige us with the Bren gun

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# The Home Guard might as well go home. #

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Well, I was an air raid warden about that time.

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Jim was in the Home Guard.

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-An air raid warden?

-Yes.

-How old were you?

-I was 17 then.

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I was.

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SIREN WAILS

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So what action did you see, then, as an air raid warden?

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Oh, quite a lot of air raids. I was down on the south coast, actually.

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-And did you get hit at all, with shrapnel?

-Not personally, no.

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'The eyes and ears of the control room were the wardens' posts

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'whose areas were patrolled during air raids.

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'It was the wardens' duty to keep control advised

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'of every incident in their sector.'

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# He's got another job and it's one of the best

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# Now he's doing his bit for England like the rest

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# And Mr Wu is now an air raid warden

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# And don't he look cute in his new siren suit?

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# Cos Mr Wu's an air raid warden now. #

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Ruddy hooligans. Put that light out, put that ruddy light out!

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They can't hear you, Mr Hodges.

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-I'll make 'em hear me. Put that light out!

-Don't...

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I'll get 'em, I'll get 'em on the phone, I'll get Mainwaring.

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I'll tell headquarters, I'll have him busted.

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-All right...

-Put that light out!

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We all thought it was a terribly funny thing

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because we were young boys, you see, and we were full of aggro.

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And we loved it.

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The fact the Germans were going to invade, when you're 16, you're not

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thinking about that, you're going, ah-ah-ah

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and playing it and loving it

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and doing house clearing and charging about and really enjoying it.

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We didn't realise the gravity of the situation.

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Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

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Stop that, Pike.

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I brought it in. I'll handle it first.

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-Beautifully balanced.

-Oh, yes, of course.

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Devastating weapon in the right hands, I should think.

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Yes, I should think even more devastating in the wrong hands.

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Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

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# When the Fuhrer says "Ve ist the master race"

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# We heil, heil Right in the Fuhrer's face

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# Not to love the Fuhrer is a great disgrace

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# So we heil, heil Right in the Fuhrer's face... #

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My dear mother, who'd lost a brother in the war and another badly wounded,

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was horrified at the fact that I should put on a uniform,

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and anything might happen.

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But I said, look, I've got to join.

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'Camouflage has left its mark on the Home Guard.

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'This is how they're working these days.

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'Many units are adopting guerrilla tactics

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'in their schools of intensified training.

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'The art of concealment by merging with the landscape

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'is illustrated in these pictures of Home Guardsmen

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'exercising at an army field-craft centre.

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'If brick buildings were the background instead of bushes,

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'they'd turn into the local.

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'It's really amazing how close you can be to a body of men

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'without knowing it.

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'The disappearing trick has been brought to a fine art.

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'A last-minute panoramic view of some of the men

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'who stayed as trees for a while to face the cameramen.

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'Incidentally, all dogs had been warned off the course.'

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David Croft, have any incidents been toned down here?

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Well, we've had one or two ideas which we thought were too way out.

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When we started this thing, I think

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we just regarded it as a comedy show. But as you get into it,

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as soon as we started writing it properly,

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we realised it was much more than this.

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Because there's a wonderful spirit in those days.

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These men really would have died.

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And as soon as you get into that sort of dimension,

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you can't go too far into the realms of comedy,

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you've got to keep it with its feet on the ground.

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Therefore several ideas we've had, we've toned down for that reason.

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Come on, Mr Mainwaring, better get there quickly.

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Here's your rifle, Uncle Arthur.

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Chop-chop, sharp's the word, quick's the action.

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Just a minute, just a minute.

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-What's all this about?

-I had a phone call from the police.

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-Have they arrested Walker?

-No, not yet.

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A Nazi pilot has bailed out and he's hanging from the town hall roof.

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-Come on, quick.

-What?

-What?

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Ich kann nicht verstehen.

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Swing. S-Swing, you know, ha-da-cha!

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Ha-da-cha?

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Try him with a bit of In The Mood, Joe, he might understand that.

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Right. # Oh, Mr What-ya-call-em What you doin' tonight

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# Hope you're in the mood because I'm feeling all right

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# How's about a corner with a table for two... #

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HE WEEPS

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People begin to recognise the characters

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and knew what the show was about.

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It always struck the hearts of the British public

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and started doing so then because it was a time

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when we all behaved very well, wartime, you know.

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When he comes down, they don't like it up 'em!

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No, no. All right...

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Now, the character of Corporal Jones in Dad's Army was not a butcher,

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he was really a French polisher who worked in

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a tatty second-hand furniture shop in Watford high street.

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And he had been at the Battle of Omdurman.

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In the Rifle Brigade, 1898, against the mad Mahdis.

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Anyhow, he used to say exactly

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as the lines we gave to Jones.

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"Oh, there we were," he said, "It was about six o'clock in the morning

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"and Lord Kitchener was sitting on his horse"

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and he recounted the exact Battle of Omdurman,

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which in point of fact was a slaughter.

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And they were chopping off heads left, right and centre

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and there was blood everywhere.

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And the corpses, the corpses,

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oh, it was terrible.

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They don't have battles like that any more, you know.

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Did you think the programme would develop like this,

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would grow like this, you'd develop this cast of characters?

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-We thought it was a good idea, didn't we?

-Oh, yes.

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We didn't think it would catch on internationally, as it has.

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Also, we thought the audience would be rather limited.

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We thought it would appeal mostly to people who remembered it.

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But in fact it appealed right across the board.

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# Well, I know I'm not super hip

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# And I'm liable to take a slip

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# But I don't care how cold you are

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# I'm coming home soon

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# I'm gonna make you a star

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# We're gonna make you a star... #

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When the Home Guard started, things were so desperate,

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I thought it would be different to last time.

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-What do you mean, different from last time?

-The last war, sir.

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-You see, I was a conscientious objector.

-Oh, I see.

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You were what?!

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-A conscientious objector.

-A consc...

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You mean you didn't want to fight?

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Not really, sir.

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Arnold Ridley, tonight, This Is Your Life.

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At the age of 19, you're a lance corporal in the Somerset Light Infantry.

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In the grim hand-to-hand fighting,

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young Lance Corporal Ridley was bayoneted twice,

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and behind the lines, army doctors operated no fewer than 17 times

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to save his left arm.

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He was the oldest one. He was wounded appallingly in the First World War.

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He had a terrible scar the whole length of his arm, a bayonet wound.

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And he was gassed and wounded. So was John Laurie.

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They were all victims of that First World War.

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Where are you going, Alf? We're supposed be going forward.

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-Well, I'm going backwards.

-Why?

-Because I'm a coward.

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You could be shot for desertion.

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Well, go on, be a hero, I'm not stopping you.

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Well, I'm going to do my duty, I'm going forward.

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HEAVY GUNFIRE

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What's the matter?

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I'll give it a few more minutes, then I'll go forward.

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Surviving is very important.

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I think all soldiers are very reluctant to get involved

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in any sort of situation they can avoid.

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I mean, lose the heroics, that's how it is, it's how human nature is.

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You want to keep out of the action if you possibly can do.

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You'd better have a whisky or something.

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-You never used to be like this.

-It was the war.

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Well, I was in the war.

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We were all in the war. We didn't go charging off after servant girls.

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There wouldn't be any left.

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I still don't trust him.

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I can assure you, sir, in the strictest confidence,

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that any relationship his Lordship has with the opposite sex

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could only be platonic.

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What do you mean?

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As they say in France, "L'amour est fini."

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-What?

-It was the war, sir.

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He caught it. In the artillery.

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So come on a voyage with me, a voyage half across the world...

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..to Burma. A hot place if you like.

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Maybe this is where some of your lads are at this moment,

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in all the heat and horror of that jungle.

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I was called up on January 1, 1944.

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The thing was, when we got out to Burma,

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eight months before the end of the war, before they dropped

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the atom bomb, we never thought the war was ever going to end.

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As I'm speaking, British and Indian forces

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are finishing the job of clearing up Burma.

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It's not a comfortable war.

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But its hardships are being accepted with cheerfulness

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and its problems faced with courage and endurance.

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People didn't know about that part of the war, really.

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I think the 14th Army was known as the forgotten army.

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People weren't aware of it, really, and still aren't.

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When the war ended, I was posted to a place called Deolali in India.

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I thought we were all going home, but it wasn't like that.

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We were still stuck out in the jungle because you must understand,

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there were millions of British troops all over the world,

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and just when the war ended, they couldn't just whisk them home.

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There weren't enough ships.

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How would you think I felt, a young boy, 19,

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stuck out in that awful jungle?

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I was stuck out in India for another two years

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and that's where I fell in with the Royal Artillery concert party.

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# Meet the gang cos the boys are here

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# The boys to entertain you

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# With music and laughter to help you on your way

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# To raising the rafters with a hey-hey-hey

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# With songs and sketches and jokes old and new

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# With us about You won't feel blue

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# So meet the gang cos the boys are here

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# The boys to entertain you. #

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How can I be sophisticated in this heat? I'm sweating like a pig.

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Just do what I do, imagine you're sweating champagne and diamonds.

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That's also right out of your own experiences, both of you, isn't it?

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I'm not sure that particular scene is, actually, Jim.

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Well, this situation did exist.

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I was running a concert party in a place called Deolali in India.

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The sergeant major existed and the colonel existed.

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And the sergeant major was intent on posting us up the jungle

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and that was the only way we could stay in this dreadful place,

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which was better than the jungle,

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was by running this concert party which the colonel liked.

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The whole situation did exist.

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David was in India as well, weren't you?

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We were in India at the same time, not the same place.

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But he was an officer. I was just a bombardier, which is two stripes.

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Do you reckon you've got a right, out of your own experience?

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We always have done. Yes, I think you have to.

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You have to be able to fall back on solid ideas and characters

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so a basis in reality, I think.

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I'll never forget, there were a bunch of paratroopers

0:22:120:22:15

and they were in the camp in Deolali waiting to come back to Blighty.

0:22:150:22:20

Anyhow, we put on a show one day

0:22:200:22:23

and they were marched to the theatre, these paratroops,

0:22:230:22:27

and we started doing the show and they rioted.

0:22:270:22:30

SHOUTING

0:22:320:22:34

Animals, you're all animals!

0:22:380:22:41

And Joseph O'Connor, he was a captain, said,

0:22:430:22:47

"I say, Perry, look, this looks pretty difficult.

0:22:470:22:49

"Go on and tell a few jokes."

0:22:490:22:51

I said, "They'll kill me!"

0:22:510:22:54

Play something soothing.

0:22:580:23:01

# Little old lady... #

0:23:030:23:06

LAUGHTER DROWNS SINGING

0:23:060:23:08

# Hooray, hooray, hooray Misery's on the way

0:23:080:23:13

# There are bad times just around the corner

0:23:130:23:17

# There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky

0:23:170:23:20

# And it's no good whining about a silver lining

0:23:200:23:24

# For we know from experience that they won't roll by... #

0:23:240:23:28

People say, "Oh, we won the war." But excuse me, what went wrong?

0:23:280:23:32

We haven't got anything to show it.

0:23:320:23:35

It was worse after the war than during the war.

0:23:400:23:43

You couldn't get any sugar, you couldn't get any sweets,

0:23:430:23:45

you couldn't get any petrol.

0:23:450:23:47

'Come with us and enjoy the finest holiday of your life.

0:24:060:24:09

'You'll remember every moment

0:24:090:24:11

'and you'll be refreshed by the colour and gaiety

0:24:110:24:14

'of this new and attractive world full of wonder and delight.

0:24:140:24:17

'Here you will feel immediately at home.

0:24:170:24:19

'The Butlin holiday camps are like that.

0:24:190:24:22

'Yes, the kiddies will love it.

0:24:240:24:26

'Butlins provide everything a child could wish for.

0:24:260:24:29

'You will be delighted with the first sight of your holiday home.

0:24:290:24:33

'You can be quite sure that you will enjoy your food,

0:24:330:24:35

'whatever Butlin camp you may visit.

0:24:350:24:38

'The Butlin holiday camps offer you the best of everything

0:24:380:24:41

'for your holiday.'

0:24:410:24:43

-Stand there, fine.

-Very quiet, please.

0:24:430:24:47

-Right, here we go, everybody.

-Turn over.

0:24:470:24:50

Action.

0:24:520:24:53

Hello, everybody.

0:24:590:25:02

Hello, campers! Hi-de-hi!

0:25:020:25:04

-Hi-de-hi.

-Ho-de-ho.

0:25:040:25:07

Where did the slogan "Hi-de-hi!" actually come from?

0:25:070:25:10

It came from the holiday camps. This was very much extant at the time.

0:25:100:25:13

I think actually it came from an old colonel of the Guards, didn't it?

0:25:130:25:16

He used to shout "Hi-de-hi" and made the troops shout "Ho-de-ho!"

0:25:160:25:19

This was during the war and he got court-martialled for it.

0:25:190:25:22

It was carried on, and it was a standard thing, hi-de-hi, ho-de-ho.

0:25:220:25:26

Hi-de-hi!

0:25:260:25:27

Ho-de-ho!

0:25:270:25:28

You always write from personal experience,

0:25:280:25:31

so were you in a holiday camp?

0:25:310:25:33

Yes, I worked as a Redcoat

0:25:330:25:35

when I was a student at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art,

0:25:350:25:38

when I was going to be an actor.

0:25:380:25:39

-I worked there in the summer holidays as a Redcoat.

-Where?

0:25:390:25:42

At Filey and Pwllheli.

0:25:420:25:44

What shall we do with him?

0:25:480:25:49

Throw him in the pool!

0:25:490:25:51

-Shall we?

-Yes!

0:25:510:25:53

Go on then.

0:25:530:25:54

One...

0:25:580:26:00

two...

0:26:000:26:02

three.

0:26:020:26:03

You've hit a marvellously rich vein, you two.

0:26:070:26:09

Were we happier then than we are now?

0:26:090:26:12

I think they were more ready to be organised in their happiness perhaps.

0:26:120:26:15

I think now they have the camps, people aren't quite so prepared

0:26:150:26:19

to join in as they used to be.

0:26:190:26:20

Maybe they don't have as good Redcoats. You must have been good.

0:26:200:26:23

Well, I was pretty good, if I may say.

0:26:230:26:25

In fact, when I was a Redcoat, we had rationing,

0:26:250:26:28

we'd all come out of the war, we were just grateful to be alive

0:26:280:26:31

and we wanted to have a good time

0:26:310:26:33

and the atmosphere on the camps was fantastic.

0:26:330:26:37

By Friday night they were hysterical

0:26:410:26:43

-because you'd wound them up so much, you know.

-Wound them up.

0:26:430:26:47

It was like he was Hitler.

0:26:470:26:49

No, we used to call it handling multitudes.

0:26:490:26:51

There's a marvellous man named Wally Goodman who used to be

0:26:510:26:54

chief of entertainments at Butlins and we used to have 6,000 people

0:26:540:26:58

and do Sons Of The Sea

0:26:580:27:00

and I Saw The Old Homestead with actually 6,000 people.

0:27:000:27:03

-Really?

-Marvellous feeling of power.

0:27:030:27:05

# Sons of the sea

0:27:050:27:09

# Bobbing up and down like this

0:27:090:27:13

# Sailing the ocean

0:27:130:27:17

# Bobbing up and down like this

0:27:170:27:21

# We sail the ships, my lads

0:27:210:27:25

# Bobbing up and down like this

0:27:250:27:29

# Just one more chance

0:27:290:27:33

# La di da di da di da

0:27:330:27:37

# La di da di da di da

0:27:370:27:41

# Just one more chance. #

0:27:410:27:45

Way-hay!

0:27:450:27:47

Goodbye, campers, and Hi-de-hi!

0:27:470:27:51

'Ho-de-ho!'

0:27:510:27:53

-I've got one or two people arriving at seven o'clock.

-Oh, Gawd!

0:27:570:28:01

You use snobbery to great effect. Are you a snob at all?

0:28:080:28:10

-He is, terribly.

-Of course I'm not, absolute rubbish.

-Dreadful snob.

0:28:100:28:14

I shall serve the canapes

0:28:140:28:16

from our three-tier Victorian petit fours stand.

0:28:160:28:18

It'll be a little segment of gracious living

0:28:180:28:21

in this dreadful, common place.

0:28:210:28:23

I mean, I ask you, how many bombardiers

0:28:230:28:25

in the Royal Artillery have got a degree in English literature?

0:28:250:28:28

I ask you...

0:28:280:28:30

..how many bombardiers have got a degree in English literature.

0:28:310:28:34

None!

0:28:340:28:36

I love it. It's a wonderful thing to play for comedy, great stuff.

0:28:360:28:39

There's no chip on my shoulder, Wilson.

0:28:390:28:41

I tell you what there is on my shoulder though -

0:28:410:28:43

three pips, and don't you forget it.

0:28:430:28:45

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