Over and Ova QI XL


Over and Ova

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Good evening!

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And welcome to QI.

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Tonight, we are completely all over the place, a feast of O's,

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with scrambled ovi.

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Your ovations, please, for the overlooked Bill Bailey...

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CHEERING

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..the overexcited Jan Ravens...

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CHEERING

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..the overwhelming Grayson Perry...

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CHEERING

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..and all over the shop, Alan Davies.

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CHEERING

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Let's get their buzzers over with. Bill goes...

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MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip

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Jan goes...

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MUSIC: It's Over by Electric Light Orchestra

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Well, I like that one. That one's good. Grayson goes...

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MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison

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I didn't know how to tell you, Grayson.

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-I just...

-Yeah.

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And Alan goes...

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They think it's all over.

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It is now!

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CHEERING

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It's finally one you like.

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Ah, I love that!

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So my first question is about ova, spelled O-V-A.

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You can't learn to ski jump without breaking legs,

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and you can't make an omelette without...

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-BOTH:

-Breaking eggs.

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KLAXON Yay! And we're off and running.

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But you're going to show us how you can.

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You can make an omelette without breaking eggs.

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In Japan, it's called a golden egg, as we shall demonstrate.

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What you need to do is...

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-Get a chicken.

-An egg.

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It's in a pair of tights.

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It's in a stocking, so I'm going to pass this to you.

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And what you need to do is you need to basically to break the membrane

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that is round the egg yolk. That is called the vitelline membrane.

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It's protein fibres. And what you do is, you spin it like this,

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and you're trying to shake the egg and, actually,

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it's one of the good things, when you let go, it does that.

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I've got a very expensive suit on at this point.

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-Ah, OK. Just spin it gently, would be the thing, yeah.

-Yeah.

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I don't think we've ever had anybody

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who's worn expensive clothing on this show before.

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Woohoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

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Just a really cheap children's toy, isn't it?

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-Have you broken yours?

-Yeah.

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You spin it and you mix up the egg inside the shell...

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-Right.

-It's actually quite tough to do.

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-AS SCOTTY FROM STAR TREK:

-I cannae make it go any further, Jim!

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And then you boil it, and it will, when you remove the shell,

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it will reveal that it is an omelette.

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It sort of looks like an old bollock, doesn't it?

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I mean, some people would say it's more of a scrambled egg

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than an omelette. But Escoffier's definition -

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"In a few words, what is an omelette?

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"It's really a special type of scrambled egg enclosed in a coating

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"or envelope of coagulated egg, and nothing else."

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So our version ought to qualify.

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That's what a man looks like...

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-It's a bloke, innit?

-In tights.

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Actually, we could ask Grayson.

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This is what a man looks like in tights?

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Grayson, I'm so sorry.

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-I'll tell you, if my skirt was any shorter...

-Yes.

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Let's have a look at the below-the-desk cam.

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Oh, look.

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-Did you know, that is also possible to un-boil an egg?

-Oh, that's...

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No, I did not know that!

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So essentially what you do, and I don't recommend you try this,

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you inject wee really, it's urea, urine,

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into the solid white mass and it will turn it back into liquid.

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So would it then be a raw egg in terms of like the thing that

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a pregnant women wouldn't be allowed to eat, kind of thing?

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Oh, if it's been boiled and then injected with wee and then...

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LAUGHTER

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I think, you know, pregnant or not you wouldn't want to go near it.

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You're on your own there.

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You also need to stir it at high velocity to cause

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the pieces of protein to unknot themselves.

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I mean, it is quite a complex process

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so because we haven't got time to do it,

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here is one that we unboiled earlier.

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-Oh, urine!

-There we go.

-Ah.

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Actually, can I be completely honest? We cut out the middleman

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on that one. We just didn't boil it in the first place.

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Saving money for the licence fee payer.

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I have now managed to get egg...

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-And I have got way more eggs to deal with.

-There's a towel there.

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-Oh! Grayson!

-Thank you, darling.

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-What?

-LAUGHTER

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-Who saw my eggs?

-It is all matching!

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You have no idea how many eggs I'm going to bring forth.

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Are you making a cake? Have you got confused about what show you're on?

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-When you break an egg at normal atmospheric pressure...

-Yes.

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-And I did there.

-As we all do.

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The membranes inside the shell, they'll break at the same time

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so they release the contents in a familiar way.

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-Now, you are a diver, Bill, are you not?

-Yes, I am. Scuba-diver, yes.

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Yes. If you break an egg underwater, what is going to happen?

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Because the pressure is...

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-Ooh!

-Where are you going to put your cooker?

-Yeah.

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LAUGHTER

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-Imagine you just wanted to break it and not cook it.

-Fish would come.

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-Yeah, the fish...

-Fish would come immediately.

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Have a look. Have a look because we have some video of this.

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-The external pressure...

-Right.

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-..is actually sufficient to hold the whole package together.

-Right.

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And what you'll see is that the contents will remain egg shaped.

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-Oh, that is beautiful!

-Cor, look at that!

-Is that extraordinary?

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That's amazing.

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I've never done that underwater

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-but now I know, that's one more thing I know not to do.

-Yeah.

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This guy is going to burst this egg. Watch this, watch this.

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-Wow!

-It's worth doing that, is it not?

-It's on my bucket list now.

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Who knew there were so many time wasting activities to do with eggs?

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-OK. I have a question for you all.

-OK.

-Here is a bottle...

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-Right.

-..with an egg in it. How did it get in the bottle?

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It's one of those tricks you read about in old encyclopaedias,

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-isn't it?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-And what do you think it is?

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So you can't plunge that in a pan of boiling water

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and then somehow extricate the shell.

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So if I have another bottle, you can see that the egg...

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Oh, I know how you do it.

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You take all the air out of the bottle and it sucks the egg in.

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So the way you do that is you're going to light...

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Let me show you.

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-She's good, isn't she?

-Oh, good.

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Can you light that, darling?

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I've got such sticky fingers with bloody egg white.

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-Do you want me to play some music or something?

-Yeah, if you could.

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HE HUMS

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# Brazil... #

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Oh, well, it's doing it.

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It's like trying to get into your jeans, isn't it?

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AUDIENCE: Hey!

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CHEERING

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That's amazing!

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That is what happens when you get

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Eric Pickles and you try and get him out of an aeroplane.

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We've overbooked the flight, you're going to have to...

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Actually, no, you can stay.

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You go up to 30,000 feet and open the door.

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I've got one more trick. So this is a little bit hit and miss.

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-Go on.

-But I will do my best. When it works, it's absolutely fantastic.

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What is this?

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-Oh. I have to be more confident...

-Can you hit it the other way?

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I've got to... No.

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-No.

-Go on.

-Does it work?

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AUDIENCE: Yay!

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CHEERING

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OK. Moving from eggs to bacon.

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What did pigs finally manage to do in the 1930s?

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-Uh...

-Fly.

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KLAXON

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-No.

-No?

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Become self-aware.

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-JAN:

-Uncurl their tails.

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Become a metaphor for socialism.

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-Yeah.

-According to the OED, pigs

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oinked for the first time in 1933.

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Before that, they just grunted.

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Well, a few... Yeah, exactly. JAN GRUNTS

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A few went... You do all kinds of impressions.

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I do. I do animals, everything, yeah.

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But it doesn't actually sound like "oink", that, does it?

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No, there's... There are other things.

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"Rout", they went, apparently, in 1650.

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One went "wick" in the 18th century.

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But the practice of oinking is an American practice.

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The Washington Post, 6th June 1933,

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mentions a small white pig oinking

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its disapproval of the effete city folks.

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So they didn't oink until the Washington Post decided that

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was the thing that they had to do. Oink.

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-Right.

-In Denmark, they say "oof-oof".

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French swine go "groin-groin," apparently.

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-That's more like it.

-I wonder if that affects how we view the animal,

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because "oof-oof" sounds quite positive,

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even though, you know, in Denmark, they probably kill more pigs

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per capita than in any other country in the world.

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And we have no problem with that.

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They take real pleasure in it, Grayson,

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-that's the tragedy about it.

-I've got nothing against that.

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You know, I think in many ways we should have videos

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of animals being killed in all restaurants that serve meat.

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Yes, constantly on a loop.

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Have you seen that film by Simon Amstel called Carnage?

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It's a vegan propaganda film but it's very funny,

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where they anthropomorphise the animals so that they speak.

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And the voice that they chose was Joanna Lumley.

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LAUGHTER

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-AS JOANNA LUMLEY:

-Please, don't, it would be so lovely...

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Perfectly sweet, what a perfectly sweet little calf.

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Please don't take it away. You know? It's lovely.

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Oh, look, this is fascinating,

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I'm longing to have a little calf with me.

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You know, it is just so sweet these little pigs with

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-the Joanna Lumley voice.

-BILL:

-You wouldn't eat them, would you?

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But if it was Ray Winstone and it was going, "Come on, have a go!"

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Yeah, yeah.

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That is what I was kind of try to say really.

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If the pig is saying something like...

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GRUNTS AGRESSIVELY

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..you're more likely to give it the chop,

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-but if it's going, "Ooh, ooh."

-That's true.

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-Do any of them say, "Pooh, I just wanted to be sure of you."

-Yes.

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Aw!

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Now eat a bacon sandwich.

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LAUGHTER

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I'd still have no problem.

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Yeah, yeah, still fine. The minute I smell that bacon, I'm on it.

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The very first pig to fly in fact

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came 24 years before the onset of oinking.

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4th of November 1909,

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an English aviation pioneer called JTC Moore-Brabazon,

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he thought for a laugh he would

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attach a wastepaper basket to a biplane,

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and he took it on a 3.5-mile flight over the Kent countryside.

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And he had to wait 100 years for YouTube to be invented.

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Yes, I know. He went on to be the Minister of Transport,

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but he clearly liked a bit of a flight.

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"When pigs fly" is known as an adynaton.

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It's a figure of speech in the form of hyperbole,

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and they have wonderful examples in other countries.

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The middle one is France - "when hens grow teeth."

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-Yes.

-The one on the right is Hebrew -

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"when hair grows on the palm of my hand."

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My favourite is the Russian one -

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"when the crawfish whistles on the mountain."

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And we say "when the Lib Dems reform."

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Now, what makes the FBI say OMG?

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-AS HILLARY CLINTON:

-Hillary Clinton's e-mails, perhaps?

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Is it Hillary?

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Pointing and waving.

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Everywhere she goes. Oh, my God.

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-She does do that! Waving and pointing. It's...

-Yeah.

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You never see who she is pointing...

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It'd be quite good to have cutaways of people just going, "What?"

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-So, come on. FBI.

-OMG.

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Well, it's not going to be, "Oh, my God," is it?

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So it's got to be something else.

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It's to do with outlaws.

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-Outlaw, ooh.

-Outlaw?

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Moving gradually.

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Moving fast, it would be, in fact. It's outlaw motorcycle gangs.

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-Oh!

-They're known as OMGs to law enforcement.

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-We got a OMG!

-Hell's Angels.

-Hell's Angels indeed.

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-Oh, fab.

-And do you know the term one-percenter? Do you know...?

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They're the people with all the money.

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Yeah, so the Occupy movement and so on,

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they talk about the top 1% who control the wealth.

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Because, you know, I've had motorcycles all my life,

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and that used to be a badge I quite

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often saw on those collections on denim waistcoats that people had...

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Yeah, so what it was was that full badge members

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wear the 1% to show their outsider status because there was

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a claim by the American Motorcycle Association

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that 99% of their members were God-fearing and family orientated.

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And so the 1% wanted to make damn sure that everybody knew

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that they were the bad guys and they were not God-fearing.

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It's very hard nowadays cos they look like hipsters, don't they?

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Basically. Beards, tattoos...

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-It doesn't look quite so scary, does it?

-No, not nowadays.

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OK, while we're on the subject of Hell's Angels,

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we're now going to play...

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-What a game!

-Can you pick that board up there, darling?

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-Certainly.

-So what I want you to do...

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We have written on it for you, Alan,

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-"Hells Angels."

-"Hells Angels."

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I want you to put the apostrophe in the correct place.

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OK. Is it going to be angels belonging to Hell?

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-That's it, isn't it? No?

-KLAXON

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-No.

-Oh, you flippin'...

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It was bound to happen, wasn't it?

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-I hadn't even done it.

-I know.

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You were so keen.

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After the S, up there, then?

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Try that. Yeah, go on.

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Go, go for it.

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KLAXON

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-No, it's a trick. There isn't one.

-There isn't one?

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-There isn't one. They don't want one.

-Oh, they don't want one!

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No, and who's going to argue with them, frankly?

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-I've gone off them.

-Until recently,

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they had a note in the FAQs of their official website.

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"Should the Hells in Hells Angels have an apostrophe

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"and be Hell's Angels? That would be true if there were only one hell,

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"but life and history has taught us

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"that there are many versions and forms of hell."

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Then people still carried on criticising them and saying it

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should be Hells' - with an apostrophe after the S.

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And so it's since been amended, and it now says,

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"Missing apostrophe in Hells Angels - yes,

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"we know that there is an apostrophe missing, but it is you who miss it.

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"We don't."

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You know, that's the kind of

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punctuation-based rebellion that we need!

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Every time I put on my leather jacket, I think,

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"Yeah, to hell with punctuation!"

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Sticking it to the man, one apostrophe at a time.

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Yeah! Us and the market stall traders.

0:14:370:14:41

-Setting a poor grammatical example, that's the way we roll.

-Yeah.

0:14:410:14:44

Hell's Angels, founded in 1948,

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some of the gangs that amalgamated together,

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one of them was called the Pissed Off Bastards of Bloomington.

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Maybe too difficult to get on a jacket.

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-That's a lot of studs.

-I think that's really good.

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Anybody know where the name Hell's Angels comes from?

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-The origin?

-Is it Paradise Lost or something?

0:15:000:15:03

It's a film, actually, by Howard Hughes.

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-Apostrophe, apostrophe!

-Apostrophe!

-Apostrophe!

0:15:050:15:09

So the American air squadrons in World War II,

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which is probably where the motorcycle gangs got it from,

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-but the pilots got it from the Howard Hughes film.

-Oh, right.

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-Jean Harlow.

-Jean Harlow, I know.

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Harlow new town was named after her.

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-Is that true?

-No. No, it's not, it can't be.

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Bluff! Oh, that's a different show.

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-It's like Essex was named after Joey Essex.

-Yes.

0:15:280:15:32

-I met him once!

-Do you know what he said?

0:15:320:15:34

He was going round the Houses Of Parliament and he said,

0:15:340:15:36

"Does the King live here?" That's what he said.

0:15:360:15:37

"Does the King live here?"

0:15:370:15:40

"No, no, no, the royalty don't live there, and anyway there's a Queen."

0:15:400:15:44

And he goes, "Oh, I don't know anything about history."

0:15:440:15:46

LAUGHTER

0:15:460:15:48

-No, no, or the present. Clearly!

-Anything at all.

0:15:480:15:52

Hell's Angels are fierce in the defence of their trademark.

0:15:520:15:55

They've sued Disney and Toys R Us and so on.

0:15:550:15:58

You can't wear... Back patches in general are frowned upon.

0:15:580:16:01

If you're a motorcycle dude,

0:16:010:16:02

if you're wearing a back patch and it's not an official registered one,

0:16:020:16:05

-you can get into trouble.

-Can you?

-Yeah.

0:16:050:16:07

When I was young, the Coggeshall Bastards were the local one.

0:16:070:16:11

And they were so tough that they

0:16:110:16:13

eschewed the leather jacket because they thought that was a bit effete.

0:16:130:16:17

-Oh.

-So they wore pac-a-macs and Wellingtons on their bikes.

0:16:170:16:21

That was the myth, they were so hard they didn't...

0:16:210:16:23

-Their skin didn't need leather protection.

-Nah.

0:16:230:16:26

I love the idea of the sound of a pac-a-mac rustling in the wind.

0:16:260:16:31

You can get good slogans.

0:16:310:16:33

I was at the motorcycle show once and there was a T-shirt and it said

0:16:330:16:35

on the back, "If you can read this, the bitch fell off."

0:16:350:16:38

I'm starting a motorcycle gang called The Fourth Wave Feminists.

0:16:440:16:47

Yeah! That's the way to go!

0:16:470:16:50

Anyway, moving on.

0:16:500:16:51

Can you name a female outlaw?

0:16:510:16:55

Well, not Jesse James.

0:16:550:16:57

-No.

-Bonnie out of Bonnie and Clyde.

0:16:570:16:59

KLAXON

0:16:590:17:00

Strictly streaking, there is no such thing

0:17:020:17:05

as a female outlaw in British law.

0:17:050:17:07

Outlawry is when an individual

0:17:070:17:09

was placed outside the protection of the law,

0:17:090:17:11

and females denied protection of the law were called something else.

0:17:110:17:14

They were called waived women.

0:17:140:17:16

Isn't that awful?

0:17:160:17:18

So their right to any protection was said to be waived,

0:17:180:17:20

so left out or not regarded.

0:17:200:17:22

Can you name a male outlaw of the Wild West?

0:17:220:17:26

-Of the Wild West? Oof.

-Yeah.

0:17:260:17:27

Billy the whatsit.

0:17:270:17:29

-Billy the whatsit?

-Billy the Kid?

0:17:290:17:31

KLAXON

0:17:310:17:33

-The Sundance Kid?

-Yeah, what's her name?

0:17:350:17:37

KLAXON

0:17:370:17:39

-Butch Cassidy.

-KLAXON

0:17:430:17:46

We can go on and on. Uh, so, again,

0:17:460:17:47

there were no outlaws as such in the old West. Male or female.

0:17:470:17:50

-Oh, you amaze me.

-So in the original meaning,

0:17:500:17:54

you didn't have to commit a crime in order to be an outlaw.

0:17:540:17:57

ALAN HUMS DRAMATICALLY

0:17:570:18:00

Yeah, that's a fantastic film, isn't it?

0:18:000:18:02

So these were... So none of them were outlaws.

0:18:040:18:06

In order to be an outlaw, you had to be set outside...

0:18:060:18:09

ALAN HUMS

0:18:090:18:11

Are you trying to hum the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven?

0:18:110:18:13

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-That's not the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven.

0:18:130:18:16

# Dun-da-dun-da-dun! Da-da-da-da-da-da! #

0:18:160:18:18

-No, that's Bonanza.

-Oh, that's Bonanza!

0:18:180:18:21

-Oh, I liked Bonanza.

-I thought Bonanza was...

0:18:220:18:25

# Da, da-da-la, da-da-la, Bonanza! #

0:18:250:18:27

Yeah, yeah, I think that was right. I think we need...

0:18:270:18:30

I demand that...

0:18:300:18:32

-That's the Muppets!

-Someone Google it.

0:18:320:18:35

Does anybody know the bloody theme tune?

0:18:350:18:37

BILL HUMS: The Magnificent Seven Theme

0:18:380:18:41

BOTH HUM

0:18:410:18:45

Come on, everyone!

0:18:450:18:46

Everybody, join in!

0:18:490:18:50

AUDIENCE HUMS

0:18:520:18:54

-CHEERING

-It's not that. It's not that!

0:19:050:19:08

High Chaparral!

0:19:100:19:11

You all join in with High Chaparral, what's wrong with you?

0:19:110:19:15

I'm going to Google it.

0:19:150:19:17

-Seriously?

-It'll take a while. My phone takes 15 minutes to turn on.

0:19:180:19:23

Oh, I know the feeling. Erm...

0:19:240:19:25

APPLAUSE

0:19:280:19:31

So, an outlaw is mearly somebody who's been put outside the law,

0:19:310:19:34

so denied its protection.

0:19:340:19:35

So, Robin Hood of legend became a robber

0:19:350:19:39

because he had been declared an outlaw by the King.

0:19:390:19:41

He wasn't an outlaw because he was a robber.

0:19:410:19:44

So that meant that he could have been subjected to mob justice

0:19:440:19:47

and nobody would have cared. So in that sense Jesse James

0:19:470:19:50

and all those other outlaws of the Wild West aren't outlaws at all,

0:19:500:19:53

because if you see a wanted dead or alive poster

0:19:530:19:55

that suggests people are still interested.

0:19:550:19:57

-Do you like that, Grayson?

-I've always wanted to be an outlaw.

0:19:570:20:01

-Have you?

-No.

0:20:010:20:03

I think that people who sort of put great store in

0:20:030:20:05

the rebellious pose are misguided.

0:20:050:20:08

I think the counterculture

0:20:080:20:09

is basically the R&D Department for capitalism.

0:20:090:20:13

Yes. Discuss.

0:20:130:20:15

In England, an outlaw was said to have caput lupinum,

0:20:190:20:23

so a wolf's head because he might be put to death by any man,

0:20:230:20:26

as a wolf, that hateful beast, might. History's most famous outlaw?

0:20:260:20:30

Probably Napoleon.

0:20:300:20:32

Outlawed in March, 1815, by the Congress of Vienna,

0:20:320:20:34

when he had escaped exile and was marching on Paris.

0:20:340:20:37

In the weeks before Waterloo, he became an outlaw.

0:20:370:20:40

And we still talk about outlaws.

0:20:400:20:42

Every time the Queen's Speech happens the House of Commons then

0:20:420:20:46

returns to its own chamber to debate not the content of the speech

0:20:460:20:50

but the Outlawries Bill, and it's still the thing they talk about

0:20:500:20:53

even though it is not really a proper bill

0:20:530:20:55

and it is just to say we can talk about what we like,

0:20:550:20:57

we don't have to pay any attention to the Queen.

0:20:570:20:59

-AS THE QUEEN:

-What? You mean you don't pay any attention

0:20:590:21:01

-to what I am saying?

-No.

-How perfectly ghastly.

0:21:010:21:03

I've been doing it all these bloody years,

0:21:030:21:05

putting this very heavy crown on, nobody's bloody listing.

0:21:050:21:09

-Does this happen? Is this still law?

-It is still the law.

0:21:090:21:12

The idea was that they wanted to stop what they called

0:21:120:21:14

clandestinely outlawries, which is declaring somebody an outlaw

0:21:140:21:17

without giving them a chance

0:21:170:21:18

to say, "Hang on a minute, that's not quite right."

0:21:180:21:20

So back over to O-V-A, ova now.

0:21:200:21:23

What is the secret ingredient

0:21:230:21:26

of virgin boy eggs?

0:21:260:21:28

Oh....

0:21:290:21:31

-Yeah, it's... Oh, I promise you, it's...

-Acne.

0:21:310:21:35

Like, taking it out with a syringe and sticking it in the egg?

0:21:350:21:37

Boy eggs. A pustule.

0:21:370:21:39

Done like a Walnut Whip.

0:21:390:21:41

GROANING

0:21:410:21:43

You see, I thought what I've got on the card is disgusting,

0:21:430:21:46

but it's possible you've topped it. I think that...

0:21:460:21:49

I think you can reverse acne by injecting wee into it.

0:21:490:21:52

-Well, stay with the wee.

-Oh, all right.

0:21:540:21:56

Stay with the wee. It's a Chinese dish called tongzidan.

0:21:560:21:59

-What?

-And it is literally virgin boy eggs.

0:21:590:22:02

They prepared by boiling hens' eggs in the urine of young boys.

0:22:020:22:07

-Ugh!

-Now, come on,

0:22:070:22:09

it's a springtime delicacy

0:22:090:22:11

in the city of Dongyang in Zhejiang province.

0:22:110:22:13

-You're making this up now.

-No, no.

0:22:130:22:14

So they soak them in the urine and then they bring them to the boil,

0:22:140:22:17

and then they're simmered for a day with fresh urine, a few herbs,

0:22:170:22:20

and at the end of the process, they apparently look like that.

0:22:200:22:24

The urine is from boys under the age of ten,

0:22:240:22:26

and what they do is they collect it in a bucket in primary schools.

0:22:260:22:30

And each of the eggs are sold at...

0:22:300:22:32

It's about 20p apiece.

0:22:320:22:35

According to one Dongyang resident, they taste a bit like urine,

0:22:350:22:38

but not too much.

0:22:380:22:39

-It's like goats' milk tastes a bit of wee, doesn't it?

-Do you think?

0:22:440:22:48

-Well, it has that sort of...

-It will from now on.

-Yes.

0:22:480:22:51

Well, if you wanted to wash your virgin boy eggs down,

0:22:530:22:55

the best thing to do is baby mice wine.

0:22:550:22:58

This is available in the Canton region of China.

0:22:580:23:00

I'm afraid it does contain baby mice.

0:23:000:23:02

Travellers who have tried it say tastes a bit like petrol.

0:23:020:23:06

What could be nicer?

0:23:060:23:07

There are people who do drink their own urine for medical benefit,

0:23:090:23:12

-don't they?

-There are, yes.

0:23:120:23:13

That is a horrible picture.

0:23:130:23:15

Apparently it tastes slightly sweet, bit salty. A bit like a margarita,

0:23:180:23:21

-I imagine.

-Yes.

-And...

0:23:210:23:22

Does he normally have it in one of those glasses?

0:23:220:23:24

With salt round the rim.

0:23:240:23:26

Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no.

0:23:260:23:30

You're saying salt round the rim, and then...

0:23:310:23:33

-Tastes a bit like urine, not too much.

-Not too much.

0:23:360:23:38

There was a Mexican boxing champion called Juan Manuel Marquez,

0:23:380:23:42

and he rather famously showcased the practice of drinking his own urine

0:23:420:23:46

ahead of a fight in 2009, with Floyd Mayweather Jr.

0:23:460:23:49

But he lost.

0:23:490:23:51

Not a disgrace. Everyone loses to Floyd Mayweather Jr.

0:23:510:23:55

I don't think it would do you any harm

0:23:550:23:57

because, fundamentally, the toxins leave your body through the faeces,

0:23:570:23:59

-so...

-Can only do you harm if it's off.

0:23:590:24:02

-Yes.

-You've got to have it fresh and warm.

0:24:020:24:06

But if you drank some, and then you

0:24:060:24:07

urinated it out and then drink that,

0:24:070:24:09

and then urinated that out and kept on going...

0:24:090:24:11

-Yeah, you probably...

-..how many sort of goes before you...

0:24:110:24:14

Before it's completely nothing at all?

0:24:140:24:16

Before it's just a cube coming out, I guess.

0:24:160:24:19

Urine stock cube to use in your...

0:24:190:24:21

You go to the Chinese supermarket for a small boys' wee cube.

0:24:240:24:27

"You got any, uh..."

0:24:270:24:29

"I haven't got a bucket of boys' wee..."

0:24:290:24:30

"I haven't got time to go to the primary school.

0:24:300:24:33

"Can you give me some urine stock cubes?"

0:24:330:24:35

I spent time with the Mundari people of South Sudan,

0:24:350:24:38

and they used the urine of their

0:24:380:24:40

incredibly prized cattle to dye their

0:24:400:24:42

naturally black hair orange, so during the morning ablutions -

0:24:420:24:46

that's what's happening there - the men lower their heads into

0:24:460:24:48

the urine stream of a tethered cow, and they use the ash -

0:24:480:24:50

you can see his body is white there -

0:24:500:24:52

from burned cow dung smeared all over the face and body,

0:24:520:24:54

but it acts as a natural antiseptic and it stops mosquitoes.

0:24:540:24:56

-It's a mosquito repellent.

-If he stays there too long,

0:24:560:24:59

he'll get a pat on the head.

0:24:590:25:00

GROANING, SOME APPLAUSE

0:25:020:25:05

Wow. Oh, now, now, the audience are rebelling again.

0:25:050:25:08

Some are going, "No, that was good."

0:25:100:25:12

-"No, no." "Yeah!" "No."

-Don't encourage him. Don't encourage him.

0:25:120:25:16

The secret ingredient of virgin boy eggs comes from virgin boys.

0:25:180:25:22

For whom was it all over because of its ova?

0:25:220:25:26

Was it Edwina Currie?

0:25:260:25:28

Oh. Did she not have some egg...

0:25:280:25:31

-AS CURRIE:

-She had an egg-based scandal, didn't she, Edwina?

0:25:310:25:33

Yes, she's actually morphed into

0:25:330:25:35

Hyacinth Bouquet as I sit here, but...

0:25:350:25:37

She is from the same neck of the woods.

0:25:390:25:42

-Didn't she have an affair with John Major?

-She did, yes.

0:25:420:25:45

They said you could tell by the CURRIE stains on his underpants.

0:25:450:25:47

GROANING Hey!

0:25:470:25:49

Oh, now, you miss the pat on the head joke now!

0:25:510:25:53

Sorry, I just got a call here.

0:25:560:25:58

1982 want their jokes back.

0:25:580:26:00

OK, for whom was it all over because of its ova?

0:26:050:26:07

We are in a Bill Bailey area of information.

0:26:070:26:09

A bird. It'll be a bird, Bill.

0:26:090:26:11

-A bird?

-Yes.

-Was it stealing eggs, was it?

0:26:110:26:13

Well, yes, I suppose, there's a bit of stealing involved.

0:26:130:26:16

Let me show you.

0:26:160:26:17

-So I've got...

-Oh, my Lord!

0:26:170:26:19

..some eggs here.

0:26:190:26:20

-Oh.

-So this one is an ostrich egg.

0:26:200:26:23

-Isn't that amazing?

-Yes.

0:26:230:26:25

-Wow.

-This is roughly the size of the egg that I am talking about.

0:26:250:26:30

Now, you can't have a real one

0:26:300:26:31

because they're worth an absolute fortune.

0:26:310:26:33

-So this is...

-Is this a prehistoric egg of some kind?

0:26:330:26:35

It is the elephant bird.

0:26:350:26:37

-The elephant bird.

-The elephant bird.

0:26:370:26:39

And this is a Heston Blumenthal

0:26:390:26:40

chocolate egg that is roughly the same...

0:26:400:26:42

-Wow.

-I know. And it's got something in it.

0:26:420:26:44

I don't know if we should open it and have a look.

0:26:440:26:46

Does anybody want to...?

0:26:460:26:48

-Oh, please, go on.

-So what happened is, humans stole the eggs for food,

0:26:480:26:51

-Bill.

-Yes.

0:26:510:26:53

Whoa!

0:26:550:26:56

-Wow.

-Do you know about the elephant bird?

0:26:570:26:59

They were around until the 17th century.

0:26:590:27:00

They were flightless, they were about 10ft tall.

0:27:000:27:03

-Oh, right.

-They weighed about half a ton,

0:27:030:27:04

and they lived on the island of Madagascar.

0:27:040:27:06

They had a ferocious kick, so you wouldn't have been able to

0:27:060:27:09

get near them, human beings. I mean, imagine such a big bird.

0:27:090:27:11

But the eggs of the elephant bird were 100 times the size of a

0:27:110:27:14

chicken's egg, so it could have fed a family for several days.

0:27:140:27:17

So you couldn't attack the bird to eat it,

0:27:170:27:19

but you could probably get hold of the eggs,

0:27:190:27:21

and so many eggs were taken that eventually the bird became entirely

0:27:210:27:24

extinct. And we still find fragments of the shell of the elephant bird

0:27:240:27:27

near where we know human beings lit fires.

0:27:270:27:29

David Attenborough, didn't he reassemble one?

0:27:290:27:32

From pieces he found on the beach?

0:27:320:27:34

Yes, he did, because they're incredibly valuable.

0:27:340:27:36

The last one that was sold at Christie's, which was in 2013,

0:27:360:27:39

sold for £66,000.

0:27:390:27:41

And also, when they are found now, the Malagasy government claims them,

0:27:410:27:44

and so any ones in private ownership or in museums or whatever are

0:27:440:27:47

incredibly rare. So that's why we've got the chocolate one.

0:27:470:27:49

-Yes.

-What a shame it died out, isn't it?

-Yeah.

0:27:490:27:53

Easter eggs, anybody know who thought of Easter eggs?

0:27:530:27:55

How long have we been colouring Easter eggs for?

0:27:550:27:57

-What, chocolate ones or real eggs?

-Well, either.

0:27:570:27:59

It's a really old form of art, people deciding to colour eggs.

0:27:590:28:03

We have accounts from Edward I, so the accounts from 1307.

0:28:030:28:07

There's an entry for 18p for 450 eggs to be boiled and dyed

0:28:070:28:11

or covered in gold leaf and distributed the Royal household,

0:28:110:28:14

so a really long time back.

0:28:140:28:16

The chocolate ones are a German invention,

0:28:160:28:17

they start in the 19th century.

0:28:170:28:19

There was a bit of a hoo-ha about them this Easter, wasn't there?

0:28:190:28:22

-Didn't Theresa May get involved in it?

-Oh...

-The National Trust.

0:28:220:28:25

-It was the National Trust.

-They started saying...

0:28:250:28:28

-They left the word Easter off Easter eggs.

-Yes.

0:28:280:28:31

And she got very... You know, because she's the vicar's daughter.

0:28:310:28:33

Yes, and a National Trust member.

0:28:330:28:35

You know she goes on all of those walking holidays, you know,

0:28:350:28:38

and I'm going to get up for a minute.

0:28:380:28:40

She has got a very funny walk, Theresa May

0:28:400:28:42

cos she kind of walks like she's carrying a drip trolley.

0:28:420:28:45

That's why she goes on those holidays

0:28:480:28:52

cos she has to take those sticks with her.

0:28:520:28:54

She wields those sticks

0:28:540:28:56

and it's like she has been sent into a minefield to clear it.

0:28:560:28:59

You understand how all this is going to play on Dave in ten years' time?

0:29:020:29:05

-BILL IN RUSSIAN ACCENT:

-When we are ruled by Russia.

0:29:070:29:10

Hello. Welcome to QI.

0:29:120:29:15

APPLAUSE

0:29:180:29:21

Here is egg. Ha-ha-ha.

0:29:230:29:26

Some facts about urine...

0:29:310:29:33

The elephant bird went extinct

0:29:360:29:38

because humans went to work on its eggs.

0:29:380:29:41

There's been a report of a cyber attack at a power plant.

0:29:410:29:44

-Who's the most likely to be behind it?

-This Russian.

0:29:440:29:48

KLAXON

0:29:480:29:50

Yes, it was me.

0:29:550:29:57

Hands up, it was me.

0:29:580:30:00

It is most likely to be squirrels.

0:30:010:30:04

-Oh, yes.

-Oh, I was going to say that.

-Yes.

0:30:040:30:06

So there is a security researcher called Chris "Space Rogue" Thomas...

0:30:060:30:11

Go, Chris, with the name.

0:30:110:30:13

..and he's set up a spreadsheet of this measure of every time

0:30:130:30:16

there has been a cyber attack on a power station anywhere in the world.

0:30:160:30:19

There's been more than 1,000 since he started.

0:30:190:30:21

The vast majority are false alarms but there have been 876 successful

0:30:210:30:26

attacks against the infrastructure of a power station by squirrels.

0:30:260:30:30

Russia has been blamed in recent years for two attacks

0:30:310:30:33

on the Ukraine, and everybody's assumed that Russian hackers

0:30:330:30:36

were behind these attacks but they have in fact been

0:30:360:30:38

successfully attacked more frequently by frogs.

0:30:380:30:40

So that is an example of Occam's Razor.

0:30:420:30:44

-Does anyone know what Occam's Razor is?

-Yes.

0:30:440:30:47

Occam is kind of the more likely explanation is probably

0:30:470:30:50

the one that it is, rather than looking for some conspiracy theory.

0:30:500:30:53

-Exactly that. Don't overcomplicate.

-Don't overthink it.

0:30:530:30:55

Don't overthink it, so Occam is one of the major thinkers

0:30:550:30:58

actually of medieval thought.

0:30:580:31:00

14th-century philosopher friar, William of Occam in Surrey.

0:31:000:31:02

But the principle itself goes back much further to Aristotle and so on.

0:31:020:31:05

-It is.

-It is known as...

0:31:050:31:07

-It is a lovely present for the man who has everything.

-Yes.

0:31:070:31:09

-Got you an Occam's Razor.

-A full range of men's toiletries.

0:31:090:31:13

Occam's...

0:31:130:31:14

-Occam's aftershave balm.

-Occam's beard oil.

0:31:140:31:19

Yes, I never go anywhere without my Occam's beard oil.

0:31:200:31:23

So lateral thinking puzzles. OK, so here's one.

0:31:230:31:25

A man goes to a restaurant and orders albatross soup,

0:31:250:31:28

takes one mouthful and then rushes out and kills himself?

0:31:280:31:31

You get in lateral thinking puzzles a lot of people

0:31:310:31:33

who kill themselves. So what has happened here?

0:31:330:31:35

I know this one. He's lost at sea and he's with his other sailors.

0:31:350:31:40

-Yeah.

-They're saying to him,

0:31:400:31:42

"Oh, we have got some food, it's albatross."

0:31:420:31:44

So he eats and he thinks, mmm, you know.

0:31:440:31:47

And the first thing he does when he gets to land, he says,

0:31:470:31:50

can I have albatross soup?

0:31:500:31:52

And he eats and it doesn't taste like what he had on the boat

0:31:520:31:55

and that's when he knew he was eating human flesh.

0:31:550:31:58

Dun-dun-duuun!

0:31:580:32:00

So that is the really complicated answer.

0:32:000:32:02

Much more likely...

0:32:020:32:04

A man is on his way to kill himself

0:32:040:32:06

and he happens past a restaurant which is serving albatross soup

0:32:060:32:09

and he thinks, "I might as well try it," he does like it because,

0:32:090:32:12

you know, it's albatross soup,

0:32:120:32:13

he has one mouthful and goes and kills himself.

0:32:130:32:15

-Yeah, that's not funny though.

-Is not that likely though, is it?

0:32:170:32:20

This Occam's Razor is a real party killer, isn't it?

0:32:200:32:23

Bit of a killjoy, isn't it?

0:32:250:32:27

"Is it a magical thing, Occam?" "No."

0:32:270:32:29

-"Was a Russian conspiracy theory?" "No."

-"It was a squirrel."

-Squirrel.

0:32:310:32:35

"Good night, sleep tight."

0:32:350:32:37

"Oh, Uncle Occam, you're such a boring story teller."

0:32:370:32:40

-But clean-shaven.

-Very clean-shaven.

0:32:400:32:43

According to Occam's Razor the simplest explanation

0:32:430:32:46

is likely to be the most likely.

0:32:460:32:48

Now, here's a simple question.

0:32:480:32:50

Who spends all day fossicking in the mullock?

0:32:500:32:53

-Yes, Alan?

-I do.

-You do?

0:32:530:32:57

I feel like I'm doing that right now, after I've eaten that egg.

0:32:570:33:00

It sounds like you are sort of looking in the washing basket for a

0:33:000:33:03

clean pair of pants, the cleanest pair of pants, doesn't it?

0:33:030:33:06

Well, you are looking... You are looking through dirt.

0:33:060:33:08

Is it between tides?

0:33:080:33:10

-Scavenging and...

-Scavenging.

0:33:100:33:11

-Beachcombing.

-Beachcombing, yes.

0:33:110:33:13

So "fossick" is possibly from the Cornish meaning "to search out",

0:33:130:33:15

and "mullock" is Middle English for "dust" or "rubbish".

0:33:150:33:19

It's the business of grubbing around,

0:33:190:33:21

that's the fossicking, in the spoil,

0:33:210:33:22

the mullock, of numerous mounds left by opal miners around Coober Pedy.

0:33:220:33:27

-Coober Pedy!

-They call it "noodling."

0:33:270:33:29

It's a small town in the vast desert outback of South Australia.

0:33:290:33:32

-Yes.

-Have you been there?

-I've been there.

-And they have underground

0:33:320:33:35

-hotels...

-Did you fossick?

-I did fossick briefly, yes,

0:33:350:33:37

in the minibar.

0:33:370:33:38

What is this, the "what" capital of the world?

0:33:430:33:45

-The opal capital of the world.

-The opal capital of the world.

0:33:450:33:47

Provides about three-quarters of the world's opals.

0:33:470:33:49

Better known as Vauxhall, in this country.

0:33:490:33:53

It gets so hot in the summer, they have to live underground.

0:33:530:33:57

And I met a bloke there who went there when he was 20,

0:33:570:34:00

and he was digging around... Just... You can...

0:34:000:34:02

-Noodling.

-Noodling away. Noodling away.

0:34:020:34:05

And the bloke next to him found a 7 million opal.

0:34:050:34:09

And that's it, he never left!

0:34:090:34:11

And he was still there, after all this time.

0:34:110:34:13

Well, you can buy a permit for less than £40.

0:34:130:34:15

-Yeah. You could.

-So it is possible you could make your fortune.

0:34:150:34:17

You talked about those underground places -

0:34:170:34:20

cos it's all sandstone, they built these astonishing...

0:34:200:34:22

-I stayed there!

-Did you?

-Yeah.

-Astonishing buildings.

0:34:220:34:25

Serbian Orthodox underground church!

0:34:250:34:27

It is. Half the town's residents...

0:34:270:34:28

There's 3,500 people live there. Half of them live underground.

0:34:280:34:31

And, in fact, the name Coober Pedy is

0:34:310:34:33

an Anglicised version of the aboriginal "kupa piti",

0:34:330:34:36

which means "white man in a hole."

0:34:360:34:37

Do you play golf at all, Bill?

0:34:420:34:44

-I do, yes.

-Cos one of the top ten extraordinary golf courses in the

0:34:440:34:47

-world...

-I didn't play there, but it looked extraordinary.

0:34:470:34:50

It's a unique golf course.

0:34:500:34:51

There is no grass.

0:34:510:34:53

-That's right.

-So you get given a little tiny turf of grass,

0:34:530:34:55

-anybody who plays golf.

-It's just all bunker!

0:34:550:34:58

It's all crushed rock.

0:34:580:34:59

And the greens are made of sand mixed with sump oil,

0:34:590:35:01

so that the sand doesn't blow away.

0:35:010:35:03

And to avoid the daytime sun, which can be incredibly hot,

0:35:030:35:06

they often play at night, and they use these...

0:35:060:35:09

-These eggs!

-Yes. ..these glow-in-the-dark balls...

0:35:090:35:13

Can we just turn the lights out and see if these will actually function?

0:35:130:35:16

I'm going to see if I can...

0:35:160:35:18

So there's a glow in the dark...

0:35:180:35:20

Sandi's shirt, as well!

0:35:200:35:22

-Wow.

-Did you know it's the only golf course in the world that has

0:35:220:35:25

reciprocal rights with the Royal And Ancient?

0:35:250:35:27

-So the home of golf.

-Of course!

0:35:270:35:28

What happened was they wrote to the Royal And Ancient

0:35:280:35:31

and they thought they'd try their luck.

0:35:310:35:32

"Would you mind giving us reciprocal playing rights?"

0:35:320:35:34

And they wrote back and said, "Would you mind giving us an opal mine?"

0:35:340:35:38

So they gave them a little tiny square of land, which might possibly

0:35:380:35:41

have opals in it and so they did give them reciprocal rights,

0:35:410:35:44

but what they gave them was they can have two rounds of golf a day

0:35:440:35:47

for up to eight people, only in January.

0:35:470:35:50

In Scotland. Yes.

0:35:510:35:53

It's an extraordinary place.

0:35:530:35:55

People do... I mean, there's mining, that's it.

0:35:550:35:57

-It's all there is.

-But look at that...

0:35:570:35:59

It's funny in Australia, though, cos it's all kind of "no worries",

0:35:590:36:02

you know, and, "Yeah, great, no worries."

0:36:020:36:04

And you kind of think, "Oh, that's great, they're such a

0:36:040:36:06

"happy-go-lucky, lovely people."

0:36:060:36:08

And by about a week in you're thinking,

0:36:080:36:09

"Can we actually worry about something now?!"

0:36:090:36:12

There's all that good weather.

0:36:120:36:14

I was out in Sydney and I was listening to the radio

0:36:140:36:16

and they said, "Now, the weather. There's no weather today."

0:36:160:36:19

No, it's all just great. No worries.

0:36:210:36:23

There's a great expression they have there which is "too easy."

0:36:230:36:25

You ask them, "Can I get a beer, mate?" "Too easy." You know.

0:36:250:36:28

It's a lovely thing. It's like, "Too easy, mate. Don't worry."

0:36:280:36:31

And it gets annoying after a while.

0:36:310:36:33

I was in the hotel, and this bloke phoned me up and said, "Mr Bailey,

0:36:330:36:35

"there's a package for you." I went, "OK."

0:36:350:36:37

He goes, "Do you want me to bring it up?"

0:36:370:36:39

I went, "OK," and then he went, "Too easy."

0:36:390:36:41

"All right, then. Well, fly it up, then!"

0:36:410:36:44

"Make it more difficult!"

0:36:450:36:48

I expect there's Australians at this very minute

0:36:480:36:50

on a panel show going, "They always ask, 'How are you?'

0:36:500:36:53

-"but they don't want to find out!"

-That's true.

0:36:530:36:56

And if you're in LA,

0:36:560:36:57

you go down to breakfast, and the waiter says to you, "Hey, there,

0:36:570:37:02

"how's your day been so far?!"

0:37:020:37:04

You think, "I'm just coming down to breakfast.

0:37:040:37:06

-"Nothing much has happened so far."

-Nothing.

0:37:060:37:07

"I've drunk me own urine, and now I want some eggs.

0:37:070:37:10

"Can you boil them in a bucket of boys' piss?"

0:37:130:37:15

-I once had a waitress in Los Angeles...

-Did you, now?!

0:37:170:37:20

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:37:200:37:22

I didn't mean for that to get out. OK...

0:37:270:37:30

Now it's time to go straight over to General Ignorance,

0:37:350:37:37

fingers poised over buzzers, please.

0:37:370:37:39

What happens if you put a frog in cold water

0:37:390:37:42

and then heat it up to boiling point?

0:37:420:37:44

MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip

0:37:440:37:46

Yes, Bill?

0:37:460:37:48

It turns...

0:37:480:37:49

..inside out.

0:37:490:37:50

No...

0:37:520:37:53

MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison

0:37:530:37:55

-It gets a little bit warm and it jumps out.

-It does jump out.

0:37:550:37:58

The myth is that the frog will stay in the hot water.

0:37:580:38:01

It's often used as a sort of political parable -

0:38:010:38:03

Al Gore used it in The Inconvenient Truth, about climate change.

0:38:030:38:06

The idea that because it happens so slowly, you don't notice,

0:38:060:38:09

and then eventually you're going to die.

0:38:090:38:10

-But frogs are not that stupid.

-No.

-They're just not that stupid.

0:38:100:38:13

But, if you put it the other way round,

0:38:130:38:15

so if you put a reptile in a warm tank and you gradually reduced the

0:38:150:38:19

temperature, it might very well allow itself to freeze to death.

0:38:190:38:22

Cos it's cold-blooded, it would respond to the dropping temperature

0:38:220:38:25

by shutting down its systems, basically.

0:38:250:38:27

It would go to sleep, and then it would freeze in its...

0:38:270:38:29

-He's a jolly chap on the left there.

-He's fab, isn't he?

0:38:290:38:32

Hey! Ba-da-bing-ba-da-boo!

0:38:330:38:35

You could get a dead frog to jump out of a hot pan,

0:38:380:38:41

that is perfectly possible. Because frogs are cold-blooded, so...

0:38:410:38:44

-If you injected it with urine.

-No, the thing is they are cold-blooded

0:38:440:38:48

and so rigor mortis doesn't set in as quickly as like a chicken.

0:38:480:38:50

So what happens is, when they are being cooked, the fresh frogs'

0:38:500:38:53

legs twitch and also if you have fresh frogs' legs on a plate,

0:38:530:38:57

just the legs, not the rest of the frog, and you put salt on them

0:38:570:39:00

they will dance and twitch, they will jump about... I know!

0:39:000:39:02

Isn't that unpleasant? It's a chemical reaction in the muscles.

0:39:020:39:06

If a frog can't stand the heat, it gets out of the saucepan.

0:39:060:39:09

OK, you see a baby bird that's fallen out of its nest,

0:39:090:39:13

what is the one thing you should never do?

0:39:130:39:15

Put it back in the nest?

0:39:160:39:17

KLAXON

0:39:170:39:19

-Bill?

-It depends.

0:39:210:39:24

It depends, if it's, you know, fledged, then...

0:39:260:39:28

-Which means it's got...

-It has got the feathers.

-Yes.

0:39:280:39:32

Then it means it has fallen out and the parents won't be far away.

0:39:320:39:35

If it's un-feathered then you should put it back because birds

0:39:350:39:38

are not so clever that they will notice a human having touched it.

0:39:380:39:41

If it's got feathers it's probably left

0:39:410:39:44

the nest on purpose and it won't thank you

0:39:440:39:46

if you try to put it back, or it's been rejected

0:39:460:39:48

by the parents, and again they won't thank you if you put it back.

0:39:480:39:51

Within five minutes, it will be eaten by a crow

0:39:510:39:53

so don't worry about it.

0:39:530:39:54

But if you find a sea turtle washed up on the beach,

0:39:550:39:58

do not put it back into the water,

0:39:580:40:00

because the ones that are stranded in our part of the world

0:40:000:40:02

almost certainly are suffering from hypothermia

0:40:020:40:05

-and if you put it back in the water it will freeze.

-Freeze.

-Yeah.

0:40:050:40:08

But the opposite is if you find a desert tortoise,

0:40:080:40:10

don't pick it up at all, because the way

0:40:100:40:12

they defend themselves is by emptying their bladder

0:40:120:40:14

and that will lead to death by dehydration,

0:40:140:40:16

so it will piss all over you and then it'll die.

0:40:160:40:18

-Just like any bloke on a Saturday night.

-Yes.

0:40:210:40:24

We got that fact from the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum,

0:40:240:40:27

it's listed under "Fun Facts."

0:40:270:40:29

And lastly, it ain't over until...

0:40:310:40:34

The fat lady sings.

0:40:350:40:37

KLAXON

0:40:370:40:39

-Yup.

-Why do we say that?

0:40:400:40:42

Opera, is it, and the fat lady comes on and sings,

0:40:420:40:45

and then when she's done that, it's over?

0:40:450:40:47

-Is it that?

-The usual explanation is that it is Brunnhilde in Wagner's

0:40:470:40:50

-Ring Cycle.

-The Ring Cycle.

0:40:500:40:52

-Look at those bosoms!

-Yeah.

0:40:520:40:54

Requires a substantial soprano.

0:40:540:40:56

Madonna's gone to seed, hasn't she?!

0:40:560:40:58

# Like a virgin...

0:40:580:41:00

# Touched for the very first time... #

0:41:030:41:06

OK, that's it, get out!

0:41:080:41:11

She sings one of the longest

0:41:110:41:12

operatic arias in history at the end,

0:41:120:41:15

but her aria is not quite the final sung part of the opera.

0:41:150:41:18

The last words go to the villain of the piece, Hagen.

0:41:180:41:21

He's an evil, scheming, Burgundian warrior who sings Zuruck Vom Ring,

0:41:210:41:25

"get away from the ring",

0:41:250:41:27

as he's dragged by the Rhinemaidens to the river.

0:41:270:41:29

MUSIC: The Ring Cycle by Richard Wagner

0:41:310:41:33

# Zuruck vom Ring... #

0:41:330:41:37

I bet the queue at the loo is already forming,

0:41:400:41:43

as those bars are playing!

0:41:430:41:44

Do you know that wonderful story about the end of Puccini's Tosca?

0:41:440:41:47

There's a marvellous moment when the soprano's supposed to leap to her

0:41:470:41:50

death off the walls, and Eva Turner, who was a famous British soprano,

0:41:500:41:53

was doing this at the Lyric Opera in Chicago,

0:41:530:41:56

and she complained that the mattress she was supposed to fall on was not

0:41:560:41:59

really springing enough, so they

0:41:590:42:00

replaced it with a trampoline, and...

0:42:000:42:02

..she reappeared three times!

0:42:040:42:06

There's an American saying, "It ain't over till it's over,"

0:42:100:42:13

which is a sort of variant on the fat lady singing,

0:42:130:42:15

and it's usually attributed to Yogi Berra,

0:42:150:42:17

who was the much-loved catcher of the New York Yankees,

0:42:170:42:19

but he was celebrated for his wonderful turns of phrase.

0:42:190:42:22

He said things like, "It's deja vu all over again," which I like.

0:42:220:42:26

"The future ain't what it used to be."

0:42:260:42:28

And the most famous thing he's supposed to have said is,

0:42:280:42:31

"It ain't over till it's over."

0:42:310:42:32

But now it really is all over, barring the scores.

0:42:320:42:35

Now, here's the thing, OK? Because Jan and I have been friends for

0:42:350:42:38

a really long time, and I know that Jan can do an impersonation of me...

0:42:380:42:42

I've got a blonde wig...

0:42:440:42:46

..and I'm going to give you my glasses...

0:42:480:42:50

-OK.

-Can I be you, and you be me?

0:42:500:42:52

-OK.

-OK, marvellous.

0:42:520:42:54

This is a marvellous thing.

0:42:540:42:55

-OK.

-OK.

0:42:550:42:57

So I'm going to shift myself over, next to Grayson...

0:42:570:42:59

-OK. Right, so...

-Yeah.

0:42:590:43:00

-AS SANDI:

-Curiously, all you have to do with Sandi is remember the tune

0:43:000:43:03

goes up and down a lot, and, er...

0:43:030:43:04

So that brings us to the scores.

0:43:070:43:08

All over the place, it's Alan with minus 77 points.

0:43:080:43:11

Slightly overwhelmed, Bill with minus 7 points.

0:43:110:43:14

Over a barrel, Grayson, with plus 3 points,

0:43:140:43:16

but, OMG, this week's winner...

0:43:160:43:18

SHE LAUGHS

0:43:180:43:20

Well, it's JANDI, with five points!

0:43:200:43:23

CHEERING

0:43:230:43:26

So it's thanks from Grayson, Jandi, Bill, Alan and me,

0:43:310:43:34

and I leave you with this piece of advice from WC Fields -

0:43:340:43:36

"Start every day off with a smile, and get it over with."

0:43:360:43:39

Good night.

0:43:390:43:41

Sandi Toksvig looks at over and ova. Learn some tricks you can do with eggs, meet a flying pig and join in as the studio audience sings along with Western film themes. With Bill Bailey, Jan Ravens, Grayson Perry and Alan Davies.


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