Imbroglio QI


Imbroglio

Stephen Fry investigates an imbroglio of issues with John Bishop, Frank Skinner, Sean Lock and Alan Davies.


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Transcript


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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Go-o-o-o-o-od evening,

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good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,

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and welcome to QI,

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where we have an ill-assorted imbroglio of interesting items

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initiated by I.

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Here for your immediate inspection are the inestimable John Bishop...

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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..the inimitable Frank Skinner.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-The incomparable Sean Lock.

-Thank you.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And Alan Davies is also in.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Now, this evening the buzzers are intentionally irritating.

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John goes...

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MOSQUITO WHINE

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Frank goes...

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SMALL DOG YAPPING

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Can I ask, how long is this show?

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LAUGHTER It depends how often you use the buzzer.

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Sean goes...

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TODDLER SCREAMS

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And Alan goes... "WRONG AGAIN" ALARM

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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As John and Frank have never played the game before,

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I should explain that each of you has a Nobody Knows placard.

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-You might like to show it. It's a question mark.

-Nobody knows.

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That's it. There will be a question tonight to which nobody knows the answer.

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If you think, when I ask it, that this is the question to which there is no known answer,

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you wave your card and you get extra points.

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It looks like they had Strictly Come Dancing one night,

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and someone did a dance so experimental...

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LAUGHTER

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You can consider it that way.

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Now, to warm up the new boys, here's an easy one to begin with.

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What's the French for "innuendo"?

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Is it "double entendre"?

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"WRONG AGAIN" ALARM Ohhhhh!

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No, I've just remembered, "double entendre" is French for "big tits".

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LAUGHTER

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"Double entendre" means nothing to a Frenchman. You could say "double entente".

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-"Entente" is like a...

-Two-man tent.

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No. Or "double sens", double sense. But they don't say "double entendre".

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So it's a French phrase that the French don't use?

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-So it's not French.

-Exactly.

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That's precisely what this round of questions is about.

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There are other examples. If you're at a performance,

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someone is brilliant, you want them to perform again...

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-Encore!

-You'd shout "encore". What would they shout in France?

-"More".

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No. But good thought!

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But "encore" is a French word meaning "more", but they don't shout it.

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They shout a Latin word which means "twice".

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-Mm. Mm.

-Anyone?

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Anyone in the audience? CALLS FROM AUDIENCE

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Bis. B-I-S.

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-Bis! Bis!

-That's crap.

-They should try "encore".

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You'd hate to do a show, wouldn't you,

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and at the end, everyone goes "Bis".

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"Bi-i-i-i-is!"

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-It's like that.

-MOSQUITO WHINE

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APPLAUSE

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There are other phrases which we use, which sound French,

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but again mean nothing to a Frenchman.

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"Cause celebre" is not a French phrase.

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Like "en-suite" for a bathroom, the French would go, "What?"

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What about "bidet"?

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"Bidet", they do indeed have, though it's easier to do a handstand in the shower, to be honest.

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LAUGHTER

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And if you want the expense of-of a bidet...

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-"Easier"?

-If you're as nimble as I am.

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I'd pay good money to see that.

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I'd like to see you with a camera, going, "Tweet this."

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The trouble is with the handstand in the shower, though,

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it's like when you see a mountain steam, and you think,

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"The water looks all right but I don't know where it's been."

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When you're upside down and this water is pouring across your face,

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lodging in your nostrils, and you know that it's been...

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LAUGHTER Well, that's a worry.

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I had a friend who had read somewhere that if you slept upside down, it made you more intelligent

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-because the blood went to your brain.

-Went to your brain.

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And I became obsessed with the idea that he would have a wet dream and die.

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, that's so... In so many ways, a horrific image.

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So yes, there are words we use, "decolletage", for example, we use for the...

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The French use "decollete" for that.

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Excuse me, when you say "we", you mean you.

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LAUGHTER

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Well, it's not a common phrase.

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No, it's not. Nobody says, "Look at the decolletage on that."

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You never stop learning.

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I've already learned how to say to my teenage sons, "Look at the knockers on that"

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without their mum getting annoyed.

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And now you can say "decolletage".

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"Decolletage"!

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Also, "en-suite", which is used commonly these days for a bathroom connected to a bedroom.

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-In France, they didn't use...

-(COCKNEY) And of course, the en-suite.

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-It's

-commonly

-used.

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There's a Greek phrase. The Greeks say "Katatraya stayeftika", I think it is.

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And it means, "Who gives a shit?"

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But literally, it means, "There is trouble in the gypsy village."

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LAUGHTER

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It's true.

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Depending how high you are up socially, it's right, isn't it?

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Poor people wouldn't give a shit.

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Anyway, that's the point. You can ask a Frenchman for a double entendre if you like,

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but you'll be lucky if he gives you one.

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Not to some... LAUGHTER

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Thank you very much.

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Now to some i-tunes.

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Who wrote the songs, I'm Leaning On A Lamppost

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and When I'm Cleaning Windows?

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SMALL DOG YAPPING

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Definitely not George Formby,

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even though his wife Beryl insisted George had a credit so that he'd get money.

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You're absolutely right, and you're a bit of a fan of George Formby?

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I am indeed, yeah.

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I'm Leaning On A Lamppost was one of his big hits.

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Wasn't When I'm Cleaning Windows a bit dodgy?

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Well, there was a phrase, "The blushing bride, she looks divine

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"The bridegroom, he is doing fine

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"I'd rather have his job than mine

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"When I'm cleaning windows."

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The BBC banned it.

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However, George Formby was invited to perform at Windsor in front of the Royal Family in 1941,

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and some troops, during the War, obviously,

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and the Queen Mother insisted he sing the song properly, with no cuts.

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She loved it, and asked him to sing it another three times. But the BBC still banned it.

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You're a special group, George Formby fans,

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and it's usual amongst George Formby fans, I believe,

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that they teach themselves the banjolele, and as you are one,

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we have a banjolele.

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Can you delight us with some Formby?

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-Am I on the spot?

-I don't know if it's tuned but...

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Don't worry about that. "My dog has fleas", is what you need to remember.

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# My dog has... # Oh, this one doesn't have fleas, he has distemper.

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LAUGHTER

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That, um, When I'm Cleaning Windows has got another bit that goes,

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# Eight o'clock, a girl awakes At ten past eight a bath she takes

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# At quarter past, my ladder breaks # When I'm cleaning windows #

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LAUGHTER

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Er, there's a bit that goes...

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# There's a famous movie queen She looks a beauty on the screen

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# She's more like 80 than 18 When I'm cleaning windows

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# She takes her hair down all behind Then takes down her never mind

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# And finally takes down the blind When I'm cleaning windows #

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Cheeky!

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APPLAUSE

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There is a tradition, I don't know if it exists in other languages,

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or whether it's peculiarly English,

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of the tradition of Frankie Howerd, Carry On.

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They can be clever, those innuendos.

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There used to be a joke, "She was only a so-and-so's daughter...

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She was only a road-mender's daughter but she liked having her ass felt,

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or whatever it was.

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-That's it.

-LAUGHTER

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She was only a fishmonger's daughter, but she could lay it on the slab and say, "fillet".

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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That's probably enough innuendo.

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If I see another double entendre, I'll whip it out and probably stick a blue pencil through it.

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Now, let's play... WA WA WA WAAAA

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How Ironic Is That?

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Mm, yes. I'm going to outline some situations,

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and all you have to do is tell me how ironic they are, and why.

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Is it out of 100?

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No, you can just give me a sort of sense of just exactly how ironic you think they are.

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I'm just worried about how we grade the irony.

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I would say shiny...

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Shall I tell you...

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..down to rusty.

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Shall I tell you what the shades of irony supposedly are?

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I think what we're getting at is, "irony"'s often weirdly misused.

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People say, "Ironically, he wasn't there."

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-You mean, unfortunately.

-The invisible man.

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LAUGHTER

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There's verbal irony, the opposite of what's...

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"As clear as mud", "Oh, this is a fine state of affairs".

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Slightly less than sarcasm, that's verbal irony.

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There's comic irony. Dr Strangelove.

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"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the War Room" for example, is an ironic remark.

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Dramatic irony.

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Little does he know that I'm about to...

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Yeah, the audience knows Oedipus is the very murderer that he's hunting, as it were.

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-Dramatic irony.

-As in, "Dive, thoughts, down to my soul. Here Clarence comes."

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Yes. That's just the kind of thing. Richard III and others.

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APPLAUSE

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Ladies and gentlemen, an all-round entertainer!

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And then there's Socratic irony, which is pretending to be dumber than you are,

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like Socrates, or like Columbo.

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Lieutenant Columbo, the greatest ever detective. There you are.

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God, that's the greatest ever show.

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Is that it? Like Socrates or Lieutenant Columbo?

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-I would be hard put to say...

-I know they both did that, but beyond that...

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I would be hard put to say which was greater.

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I think Columbo is the greatest TV series ever made. I worship it.

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-I absolutely agree with that.

-I'm glad.

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I once spent a long night with David Baddiel having an argument

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about whether Columbo had one eye or not.

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Peter Falk, you mean? Yeah.

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Well, no, this was the debate.

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My argument was that Peter Falk does indeed have one eye,

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but in Columbo, that eye plays the part of a real eye.

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Yes! LAUGHTER

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I think there's truth in that.

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-Columbo has two eyes.

-That's how good he was. I agree.

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How did this argument go on for so long?

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-Was it like Women In Love?

-He wouldn't have it.

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Were you wrestling naked in front of a fire? Women In Love?

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That was how we had to decide it in the end. We couldn't find a coin.

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So, is this ironic? John Kendrick was an American sea captain

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who put into Honolulu Harbour in 1794

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and was killed by the cannon which was fired to salute him.

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GROANING

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Now, we understand situational and arguably, comic irony,

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though the audience was very sympathetic.

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-That's fairly ironic.

-It's pretty ironic, isn't it?

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It's almost up in the spangly section.

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Yes.

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What about Clement Vallandigham who was an Ohio lawyer

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who died in 1871 while defending a man who was accused of murder during a bar room brawl.

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To show the jury how the pistol might have gone off accidentally,

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this lawyer grabbed the gun, put it in his pocket,

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and re-enacted the events as he imagined them.

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-And sure enough...

-He was shot by a cannon.

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No, the pistol went off and he was killed by the gun in exactly the way he was describing.

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Just before he died from his own wounds, his client was acquitted.

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And the good thing is, his client didn't have to pay.

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No, exactly. It's perfect.

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Situational irony, I think that would be called.

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But, now, what about Abraham Lincoln?

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He was shot while sitting in Ford's Theatre,

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while Kennedy was shot while sitting in a Ford Lincoln.

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Many other coincidences like that. That's just simply coincidence.

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-Not irony.

-Regan was shot in Washington, and Washington was shot with a Raygun.

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LAUGHTER

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If only that were true.

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It would almost be worth inventing a time machine and going back with a Raygun just to do that.

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It's true. But nobody knew what a Raygun was then, so they just went, "What's that?"

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LAUGHTER

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This is rather ironic.

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In 1989 in America, convicted murderer Michael Godwin

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had his sentence reduced to life imprisonment

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after five years awaiting the electric chair.

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But he was then accidentally electrocuted while sitting naked on a steel lavatory seat

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in his cell in Columbia.

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He was trying to fix his TV set.

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He bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

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That is a kind of cosmic irony, really.

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That's not irony. That's God's will.

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It's God's will. I think you may well be right.

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That's irony for you. The things we call irony often really aren't that ironic.

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Ironically. Or not.

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Now, um, for some inside information. What's inside this?

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Can anyone tell me?

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It's a natural thing.

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Well, it looks like a coconut.

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-It could be an elephant turd, couldn't it?

-It could be. It isn't.

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This thing is actually a nut.

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Weirdly, the things inside it are not nuts,

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but the things inside it are familiar to all of us as nuts.

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This is how these grow.

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Here they are.

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-Oh, Brazil nuts.

-Brazil nuts.

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They grow inside... These are seeds, but we call them nuts.

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Biologically, these are the seeds, and they grow inside this, the nut.

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They grow on top of the tree.

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They're very heavy, they've been known to kill people.

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But it's a very strange life cycle they have.

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This tree cannot be cultivated, so they're only wild.

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Only wild trees produce these nuts, inside which are the Brazils.

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And they can only be pollinated by a very particular bee,

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and that bee will only be able to pollinate it

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if there is in the area a very particular orchid.

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So there's a really strange chain of necessary life situations

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in order for us to get our purple Quality Street, essentially.

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There is something unique as well about the Brazil nut.

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As you probably know, there are people who are allergic to nuts.

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But the Brazil nut, uniquely, amongst all the nuts...

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This is really unfortunate.

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You can sexually transmit Brazil nut to a partner.

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That is to say, if a male has eaten a Brazil nut,

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and they inseminate a person who is allergic,

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that person's allergy will be affected by it.

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That's a good murder plot, isn't it?

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LAUGHTER

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It is amazing.

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I actually feel right in the middle of an episode of House now.

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Cos how on earth has that been found out?

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Surely the woman would feel the Brazil nut?

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LAUGHTER

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I think you may have slightly misunderstood...

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The man would too, really.

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May contain nuts!

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LAUGHTER

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We must ask the QI audience, both the physical one here, and those watching TV,

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to be our experimental cohort,

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and I want you all to eat Brazil nuts and then make love to your beloveds..

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-I'll eat the nuts.

-Yep.

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LAUGHTER Sean is volunteering on that side.

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I'm happy to eat the nuts. You line up, I'll eat the nuts, let's check it out.

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There you are.

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-Let's do this!

-Let's do this thing for science.

-Yeah.

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Incidentally, does anyone know, in a packet of mixed nuts,

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why do the Brazils always rise to the top?

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Surely nobody knows that.

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TRUMPET FANFARE You're right!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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I'm very impressed.

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It is a known and observable process,

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that in bags of muesli and nuts, the Brazil nuts do go to the top.

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Scientists have worked hard to try and understand why.

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At first they thought the little ones settle down through and leave the big ones at the top,

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but the fact is, as Alan correctly surmised,

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nobody knows what causes the Brazil nut effect.

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What do the signal bars on your phone mean?

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Well, it means how much... signal... you can...

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LAUGHTER

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Don't be scared.

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They mean how... how... the thing with the thing in the sky and they come through,

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not there, all gone.

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I need it in English, I'm afraid.

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-It's got...

-Talky talky power all gone away.

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Sky no fly down in the air here.

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Big bird in sky.

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You're either connected or you're not connected.

0:19:120:19:15

So levels of connectivity are a bit irrelevant.

0:19:150:19:20

Yes, I would have accepted a Nobody Knows card, too late now,

0:19:200:19:23

because basically, there is no standardisation between manufacturers,

0:19:230:19:27

and different handset makers have different ways of showing

0:19:270:19:31

what is apparently a full signal,

0:19:310:19:33

and we're all really thrilled, "Oh, look, I've got five bars."

0:19:330:19:37

Absolutely meaningless.

0:19:370:19:39

How many Nobody Knows questions are there in this tonight?

0:19:390:19:42

Ah! Nobody knows. And now we sink our claws into the soft underbelly of knowledge,

0:19:420:19:47

and tear out the fetid entrails of general ignorance.

0:19:470:19:51

So fingers on buzzers, please.

0:19:510:19:53

What use is an inflatable anchor?

0:19:530:19:55

MOSQUITO WHINE

0:19:560:19:58

Yes?

0:19:580:19:59

Is it for hot air balloons?

0:19:590:20:04

Very smart answer. No.

0:20:040:20:08

SMALL DOG YAPPING

0:20:080:20:10

-Yes?

-Is it to stop submarines from, um,... going too low?

0:20:100:20:16

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:20:160:20:18

That's so sweet.

0:20:220:20:24

When the surface is incredibly sandy,

0:20:240:20:27

and a standard claw anchor would have nothing to catch onto,

0:20:270:20:31

you send down an inflatable one.

0:20:310:20:34

It's a spike. It goes into the sand, and you inflate it with fluid, not air, in fact.

0:20:340:20:39

And it lodges in the sand. That's what they use. Now you know.

0:20:390:20:45

Which animal did Richard I have three of on his shirt?

0:20:450:20:49

Now, can I suggest that at this point in history,

0:20:490:20:52

no-one in England had ever seen a lion.

0:20:520:20:54

Is that possible?

0:20:540:20:55

So, it's not a lion.

0:20:550:20:58

-What did Richard I spend most of his time doing?

-I don't know.

0:20:580:21:02

-Crusades.

-Crusading.

0:21:020:21:03

-There weren't any lions in Arabia, were there?

-There were in Africa.

0:21:030:21:07

Bloody everywhere, they were.

0:21:070:21:09

Zoos. The Tower of London had a menagerie, a little later, I grant you.

0:21:090:21:13

In a picnic in those days, not wasps, lions.

0:21:130:21:16

Millions of them.

0:21:160:21:18

GET OFF ME SANDWICH!

0:21:180:21:20

The point is...

0:21:200:21:22

Seen some lions! Swans are the bastards.

0:21:220:21:26

He looks like he's going, "Ooh, get you in your suit of armour!"

0:21:260:21:31

He looks like he's doing a sort of, "Ooh!"

0:21:310:21:34

This is the badge of English royalty that was first used by Richard I,

0:21:340:21:39

and it's three...

0:21:390:21:40

Well, I'd say, not lions.

0:21:400:21:43

You're right to avoid the word lions.

0:21:430:21:46

They were known as leopards. They called them leopards.

0:21:460:21:50

They were not familiar with the difference between a leopard and a lion.

0:21:500:21:54

And leopard really just means a bearded lion,

0:21:540:21:57

and it's a heraldic thing.

0:21:570:21:58

If they were that shape sideways on, those were leopards.

0:21:580:22:02

So there was a song, wasn't there?

0:22:020:22:05

-Wasn't there, Frank Skinner?

-There was.

0:22:050:22:07

And that would have caused me a lot of scanning problems.

0:22:070:22:10

Yes. It was based, however, on a lie.

0:22:100:22:13

No, it was based on a lion.

0:22:130:22:15

-"Three leopards on my shirt."

-Were they rampant or couchant?

0:22:150:22:20

-Good question.

-AUDIENCE: Oooh!

0:22:200:22:22

It's going to be the excitement of the century.

0:22:220:22:25

They were actually passant gardant.

0:22:270:22:30

But the rampant lion is the sign of the Kings of Scotland.

0:22:300:22:33

Very hairy knees, the Scottish one.

0:22:330:22:35

Yes, they have rather, haven't they?

0:22:350:22:37

They would be called lions in heraldry,

0:22:370:22:40

whereas the three lions on the shirt would be known as leopards.

0:22:400:22:43

So, which years did your song chart, Frank Skinner and David Baddiel's Three Lions?

0:22:430:22:49

-It was number one in...

-'96, and then again in '98.

0:22:490:22:54

Yeah. It charted in...

0:22:540:22:56

And then it charted in, er, 2000.

0:22:560:23:00

2002. It missed out 2000, I'm afraid.

0:23:000:23:02

-Did it?

-Yeah. 2002, 2006 and 2010.

0:23:020:23:07

-That's quite impressive.

-I must check my platinum discs.

0:23:070:23:09

Ooh!

0:23:090:23:11

Yes, I think we can safely say we milked it.

0:23:110:23:15

You milked those leopards.

0:23:150:23:18

Can I ask, was it big in any other country?

0:23:180:23:22

It got to the top ten in Germany.

0:23:220:23:24

The Germans, when they actually won Euro 96,

0:23:240:23:26

which is what the song was originally written for,

0:23:260:23:29

they figured they'd won the song as well,

0:23:290:23:32

so they were on the balcony in Berlin leading the crowd

0:23:320:23:36

in Three Lions On His Shirt.

0:23:360:23:38

My God.

0:23:380:23:40

Now, that's irony.

0:23:400:23:41

LAUGHTER

0:23:410:23:43

Very good.

0:23:430:23:46

APPLAUSE

0:23:460:23:48

The fact is, anyone can get a Grant of Arms.

0:23:480:23:51

You only need £4,225,

0:23:510:23:53

which is cheaper than some cherished number plates.

0:23:530:23:56

Sir Christopher Frayling, former Chairman of the Arts Council

0:23:560:24:00

and expert on Clint Eastwood movies

0:24:000:24:02

took a motto, which is "Perge Scellus Diem Perficias".

0:24:020:24:07

"Go ahead, punk, make my day"?

0:24:070:24:09

Yes! Very good!

0:24:090:24:12

APPLAUSE

0:24:120:24:13

In heraldic, "Proceed, varlet, and render perfect the day."

0:24:150:24:20

On my coat of arms, its says "Katatraya stayeftika".

0:24:200:24:23

"There is trouble in the gypsy village."

0:24:230:24:26

What's the Latin for "Nick nack nocky noo?"

0:24:280:24:30

LAUGHTER

0:24:300:24:32

Frank Skinner's career as a pop star

0:24:320:24:34

is, in fact, built on a lamentable terminological inexactitude,

0:24:340:24:38

or lie.

0:24:380:24:40

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:24:400:24:42

Now, name...

0:24:420:24:45

APPLAUSE

0:24:450:24:46

If you can, see if you can name a living animal

0:24:460:24:50

whose scientific name is exactly the same as its common name.

0:24:500:24:56

SMALL DOG YAPPING

0:24:560:24:57

Isn't a gorilla called Gorilla Gorilla?

0:24:570:25:00

"WRONG AGAIN" ALARM

0:25:000:25:01

I'm afraid so. Unfortunately, it's called Gorilla Gorilla, but the common name for it is just Gorilla.

0:25:010:25:07

There's only one animal we can think of

0:25:070:25:09

where the common name for it is exactly the same as its Latinate...

0:25:090:25:13

Does it sound a bit Latiny?

0:25:130:25:15

-In a way.

-Is it rhinoceros?

-No, that's Greek.

0:25:150:25:17

-It's not that, no. That doesn't sound Latin at all.

-Horse?

0:25:170:25:21

No, that's Equus. No, it's not a mammal, OK?

0:25:210:25:24

-It's not a mammal?

-Frog.

0:25:240:25:27

No, it's not. It's herpetic, it's ophidian, it's long and narrow.

0:25:270:25:32

-Snake.

-Snake. It's a kind of snake.

-Oh, it's a kind of snake, not snake.

0:25:320:25:37

LAUGHTER

0:25:370:25:38

-No, no, it's a species we're after.

-Monty Python.

0:25:380:25:41

Oh, I see, cos if you know about them, you don't go, "Look, snake."

0:25:410:25:45

You go, "Ah, it's Snakus Curmuncunus."

0:25:450:25:48

-Exactly. There is one where precisely...

-Boa Constrictor.

0:25:480:25:52

-Boa Constrictor is the right answer!

-I was thinking it!

0:25:520:25:55

APPLAUSE

0:25:550:25:56

The scientific name for the Boa Constrictor is Boa Constrictor.

0:25:580:26:03

As far as we can tell at QI, there is no other animal where that's true.

0:26:030:26:07

There's some plants where it's true, Aloe Vera, or whatever,

0:26:070:26:10

but no living animal, as far as we know, except the Boa Constrictor,

0:26:100:26:14

has the same common name as scientific name.

0:26:140:26:17

What's wrong with these bananas?

0:26:170:26:20

They're upside down.

0:26:200:26:22

Yes, they're upside down.

0:26:220:26:24

Bananas do not grow like that.

0:26:240:26:26

They grow like... that.

0:26:260:26:28

-They grow upwards.

-It's my area of expertise.

0:26:280:26:31

I'm impressed. I'm very impressed. Well done.

0:26:310:26:34

You probably know something else interesting about bananas.

0:26:340:26:38

They have a quality, you might call it a negative quality,

0:26:380:26:41

which some other foods have, including these.

0:26:410:26:45

And that is, they are faintly radioactive.

0:26:450:26:49

Not that there's any harm in eating bananas.

0:26:490:26:51

The isotope in question from Potassium, K40, is present in our bodies in any case.

0:26:510:26:56

Especially in men, in our little naughty areas.

0:26:560:27:00

Is that why they look like bananas?

0:27:000:27:02

No.

0:27:020:27:03

-No, actually, within the Epididymes, the...

-Speak for yourself!

0:27:030:27:08

Actually, yes!

0:27:080:27:09

I'm waiting for mine to stop being green.

0:27:090:27:12

Oh, no!

0:27:120:27:14

I'm more in the line with the Brazil nut.

0:27:150:27:18

How long is the half life of the radioactive component of a banana?

0:27:190:27:24

-I'd say six hours.

-1.25 billion years.

0:27:240:27:28

You were only a bit out, then.

0:27:280:27:30

It was going to be one or the other.

0:27:300:27:34

Brazil nuts contain Radium, and are 1,000 times more radioactive than other foods.

0:27:340:27:39

We're told that if you walk into a nuclear power plant with a pocket full of Brazils,

0:27:390:27:44

it's liable to set off the radiation leak alarm.

0:27:440:27:47

True story.

0:27:470:27:49

And get a bit of a reputation.

0:27:490:27:51

Yes, definitely.

0:27:510:27:53

"Here he comes, cheeky chappy, with his pocket full of Brazil nuts."

0:27:530:27:57

Which brings me to the nutty scores.

0:27:570:28:00

Well, my goodness, my gracious, and my word.

0:28:000:28:03

We have a tie for first place.

0:28:030:28:06

-Fight!

-And would you believe...

0:28:060:28:09

We're not Harry Hill here.

0:28:090:28:11

Wonderful as he is.

0:28:110:28:12

Would you believe that our two winners, our tie for first place,

0:28:120:28:16

is our first-time players, Frank Skinner and John Bishop, four points!

0:28:160:28:21

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:210:28:23

And in third place with minus 14 points, it's Sean Lock!

0:28:230:28:28

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:280:28:30

Thank you.

0:28:300:28:32

But I'm afraid that the currant that settled at the bottom of the box

0:28:320:28:36

with minus 21 is Alan Davies.

0:28:360:28:39

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:390:28:42

Well, that's your lot for this week.

0:28:450:28:48

My thanks to John, Frank, Sean and Alan.

0:28:480:28:51

I leave you with these wise words from Groucho Marx.

0:28:510:28:54

"He may look like an idiot, he may sound like an idiot,

0:28:540:28:57

but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot."

0:28:570:29:00

Good night.

0:29:000:29:02

APPLAUSE

0:29:020:29:03

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:29:200:29:23

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0:29:230:29:26

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