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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
Hello, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
good evening, good evening, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:34 | |
and welcome to QI, where tonight we are looking for our keys. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:38 | |
To help us we have a key man, Tim Minchin. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
A key woman, Isy Suttie! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
A key player, Bill Bailey. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
And an allen key, Alan Davies! | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
Ah, you see what he did there. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
So, they've all got their keyboards. Tim, give us an A. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
"A" NOTE PLAYS | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
That's an A. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
Isy, in the great tradition of Blockbusters, I'd like an E, please. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:15 | |
"E" NOTE PLAYS | 0:01:15 | 0:01:16 | |
Very nice. Bill, give us a G. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
"G" NOTE PLAYS | 0:01:18 | 0:01:19 | |
And Alan, give us a B. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
BEE BUZZES | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
Aaah. Aaaah. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
We have given you a musical instrument. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
I have got the thing here, but... | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
BILL: Oh. A glockenspiel? | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
We didn't trust you with anything electrical. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:37 | |
It's nice. It's something for you to keep yourself occupied | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
if you don't know any answers. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:41 | |
-Bill could teach me a couple of tunes during the record. -I bet Bill will, too. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
-Here's a good one. -There you go. -Here's a good one, look. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
HE PLAYS TWO NOTES There you are. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:49 | 0:01:50 | |
It's Airport Announcement. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
Airport Announcement, by Ravel. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
By Ravel, yes. It's a beautiful piece. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
Absolutely wonderful. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
-FRENCH ACCENT: -"An announcement airport," yes. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Exactly. Do know any, any tunes? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
French? No. I don't know any tunes. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
HE PLAYS TWO NOTES | 0:02:08 | 0:02:09 | |
-Doorbell. Same, similar. -Oh, very good. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
I don't know who wrote whose first, I imagine doorbell came first. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
ISY: They're always in a major third, as if to herald good news. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
-Yes, exactly. -Yeah. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:18 | |
TIM PLAYS TWO NOTES - MAJOR THIRD | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
"Your flight is delayed by eight hours." | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
"I don't feel so bad!" | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
-TIM PLAYS TWO NOTES - MINOR THIRD -"Boarding now." "Oh, no!" | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
BILL: The best doorbells always frighten people away. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
PLAYS NOTES FROM 'CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND' | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
Marvellous. You haven't played anything for us yet, Isy, | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
just get your fingers warm. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
SHE PLAYS JAUNTY PIANO TUNE | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
-That was the jazz version. -Wow! Pretty good. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
BILL: That was great. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
Anyway, there we are. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
So, I'll give you the keys to the city, all right? | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
What's the first thing you'll do? | 0:02:54 | 0:02:55 | |
-NOTE PLAYS -Yes? | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
I'd make a copy of them. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
-Clever. -TIM: -Yeah, good. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:00 | |
In case I lock myself out when I'm drunk. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
And I'd give a copy to my cleaner. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
Very, very smart. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:07 | |
What else can you do with the keys to the city? | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
Drive a sheep across a bridge. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
-Ah. -What?! | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
No. I am a Freeman of the City of London, as it happens. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
-Quite right. -Oh, thank you. -Very disappointed if you weren't. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
And I did drive, I did drive a sheep over, | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
though in fact it was flagrantly illegal. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
It's just one of those myths. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
Also that supposedly that you can bear a sword in the city, | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
but that's not true, either. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
Is there an actual door that you can fit that in? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
-No. No, there really isn't. -What do you actually get? | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
Do you actually get a key in a nice presentation case? | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
No, you get a long sort of parchment, | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
wherein, heretofore, let it be understood the City and corporation... | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
BILL: Is there anything you can do? | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
I mean is there anything... You can go naked, or something, or...? | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
No, no real rights. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
I mean if you are poor, you can access some | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
educational and charitable funds. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:55 | |
Dick Whittington, probably the most famous London Lord Mayor, | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
in the early 15th century, left money in trust for water troughs | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
and children's education, and that charity is still giving out money. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:05 | |
-Really? -It's been wisely invested. That's pretty amazing, isn't it? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
There are other people to get freedoms of cities. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
To whom do you think Detroit gave the key of their city in 1980? | 0:04:11 | 0:04:16 | |
Diana Ross. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:17 | |
No, it wasn't Diana Ross, you'd think it would be a... | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
-Someone off of Motown. -Gary Numan. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
It should be a Motown star. Wasn't Gary Numan. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
-Gary Numan? -No. -What wrote Cars? | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
No. That would be good. No, it wasn't. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
It was actually Saddam Hussein. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGH AND MURMUR | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
-What? -Well, they're sick of him. -What?! | 0:04:31 | 0:04:32 | |
It's the usual pattern. In 1980, he was our friend. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
-He was a friend. -Yeah. -Of course. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
The City of Toronto has given the key to | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela and Mickey Mouse. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
-Never seen in the same room. -Pathetic, the Dalai Lama?! Why him? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
The Dalai Lama, what was it? | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
Nelson Mandela and Mickey Mouse. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
Ah, my perfect Sunday. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
LAUGHTER Those three round for dinner. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
Corona, California, gave a cat the freedom of its city limits. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:59 | |
Oh, that's stupid, isn't it? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
Because the cat had hit the Guinness Book of Records | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
by being the tallest cat in the world. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
And, because we're QI, we rang up the city of Corona, and it's true. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:10 | |
They were very pleased to have it verified for us. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
But Cher upset Australians in 2012, | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
when she sold her key to Adelaide on eBay. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
-Oh. -She got 96,000 dollars for it. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
-Wow! -What?! -Yeah. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
Someone paid 96 grand for a symbolic key to Adelaide? | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
To Adelaide, not even Melbourne or Sydney! | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
I mean, I like Adelaide, but that's... | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
-BILL: It's a lot though, isn't it? -I don't want a key. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
She responded to the inevitable backlash on Twitter. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:39 | |
She said... | 0:05:39 | 0:05:40 | |
-F'd up. Fudged. -Fudged up, yeah. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
-Friend. -So, there you are. -Flowled. -Flower-up. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:53 | |
Flagaba... | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
-Keep guessing. -I don't know. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:56 | |
-Fruity. -Flannel. -Flannel up. | 0:05:56 | 0:06:00 | |
Flannel up and wait for me. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
POSH VOICE: "Flannel up! | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
"Clean yourself and flannel up, I'll be up in five minutes! | 0:06:04 | 0:06:08 | |
"And put on the special ointment!" | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
Bring me another one, this one's flannelled-out. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
-Oh, dear. All right, OK. -I like a flannel. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
Now, what's the best way to keep | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
the Open Organisation of Lockpickers | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
out of your homes? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:23 | |
Bucket of water over the door, a rake on the floor, | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
two miniature beds of nails and a very hungry tiger. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
And you put all that outside the potential lockpicker's door, | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
so that they can't even leave their home. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
Ah. You don't need to, is the point, actually. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
The fact is, they are incredibly moral and ethical. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
This organisation, which is literally called TOOOL. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
The Organisation - there it is. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
The Open Organisation of Lockpickers. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
-BILL: No, this is made-up. -It's Dutch. -Is it? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
It's a Dutch organisation of recreational lockpickers. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
They claim to have a good purpose, | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
they help spread the word in security | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
and show how things can be picked, but the point is, you're not allowed | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
ever, in this organisation, to pick a lock that doesn't belong to you. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
That's how moral they are. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
Well, that's boring, isn't it? | 0:07:11 | 0:07:12 | |
-Pick a lock... -That's when they're meeting, | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
but when they're professionally being lockpickers... | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
DUTCH ACCENT: "Hey, what a crazy bunch of guys. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
"Let's go and pick some locks, but not someone we don't know. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
"OK. What a crazy time we're going to have." | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
"How come it's only me today?" | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
"I am such a toool." Yeah. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:33 | |
Many of TOOOL's members are obviously lock-makers | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
and locksmiths. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
-There they are, tools of their trade. -Wow. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
It's incredible how you can have such a specific skill in one area | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
and be so bad with fonts. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
Yes. Very true. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
It's non-overlapping magisteria. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
-It is not an overlapping magisterian. -Lock picking and fonts. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
-There's probably a fonts organisation, as well. -Yeah. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
Let's be honest. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:57 | |
-Who cannot get into their house. -That's right. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
Who in poetic law laughs at locksmiths? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:04 | |
The Queen. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:05 | |
"Ha ha ha." No. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
The first Tuesday of every month. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
"The official laughing at locksmiths. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
"Locksmiths are lining up. She is now braying in their faces, | 0:08:14 | 0:08:19 | |
"snorting derisively..." No. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
"You can't open it. Ha ha ha!" | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
Audience, who laughs at locksmiths? | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Love. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
Love laughs at locksmiths. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:29 | |
-Oh. -You lock the girl up, you lock the boy up, or you put locked | 0:08:29 | 0:08:32 | |
-barriers between them and they'll always find a way through to each other. -BILL: Aww. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:36 | |
-Except they don't, do they? -No. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:37 | |
If you lock... They won't, will they? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
-No. -That's the trouble with poetry. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
It's bollocks. I hate it. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
-They just need a good lock. -It raises false hopes. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
All you need is your lock to be slightly smarter than the two | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
people in love and really dumb people are in love, | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
and there are really good locks. That's ridiculous! | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
You're right, you're right. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
Oh, well. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
Speaking of keys, what's the key part of an arch? | 0:08:58 | 0:09:02 | |
-BILL PLAYS NOTES -Yes, Bill? | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
-Your light came on first. -Was that you, sorry? | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
That's the trouble with these things. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
You can't tell who it is. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
-Do that chord again and I'll know. -We only know the same chord. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
We're both... We play in C. The keystone is the... | 0:09:13 | 0:09:17 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
I'm Alan Davies. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
It is commonplace to use the word keystone as being the thing | 0:09:27 | 0:09:31 | |
that makes the arch work, but it isn't true. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
It's not the most important. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
All the arch stones, or "voussoirs" are equally important. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
But it is the last piece to go in and finishes rather | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
-beautifully the arrangement, as it were. -Yes. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
In Roman times, they'd get the constructor of the arch to | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
stand right under the arch when the | 0:09:46 | 0:09:49 | |
support scaffolding was taken away, | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
just to show that he had faith enough in his own... | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
Well, it's natural selection of arch builders, isn't it? | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
-"Is that guy any good?" Well, he's still here. -Exactly. | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
I like that idea of getting people to test things. It's like going to a | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
barbecue and getting someone to try the sausage before you'll eat it. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
-Oh, don't. -BILL: Oh, yeah. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:08 | |
There are certain things that you can only test by using. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
So it's then useless. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:12 | |
I mean, a ring-pull essentially, you say, "I wonder if this ring-pull will work." | 0:10:12 | 0:10:16 | |
Whoosh! "Oh, yes, it does. Good, now... Oh, you can't..." | 0:10:16 | 0:10:20 | |
Same with air bags, I suppose and other such things. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
I've really tried to get the air bag to come out, but it's... | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
-No? No luck? -No, if you drive, really whack the dashboard | 0:10:25 | 0:10:29 | |
really hard with a mallet or something and... | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
Well, you realise how much force it is by just trying to | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
walk into a wall at two miles an hour and your body won't let you. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
It just won't. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
-Hands will go up. -No, no, no. I've done that. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
By mistake when... | 0:10:44 | 0:10:45 | |
I did that after a night on here. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
Yes, when drunk or texting or something. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
But, I mean, if you actually consciously say, | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
"I'm going to walk into this wall..." | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
Only two miles an hour, not three miles an hour, | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
and you just, pah, your hand goes up. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
You can't stop it. It's a reflex, it's so strong. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
Is there a wall here? I'd like to see you not do that. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
I mean, just kind of slowly walk into a wall. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
-Try it at home. -LAUGHTER | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
That's all I'm saying. Maybe it's just me being a coward. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
It will take more than an hour to go two miles | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
-if you keep walking into walls, wouldn't it? -It's true. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
-That's the interesting thing about that. -That's true. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
So, the fact of the matter is that keystones are no more | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
important than any of the other stones in an arch. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Why were the keys in a QWERTY keyboard arranged the way they are? | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
Ah, now, this is that it makes it more difficult to type. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
-That's right. -And they wanted to slow... | 0:11:32 | 0:11:34 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
"They wanted to slow...", you were saying... | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
-Typists down. -Typists down. No. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:40 | |
What it is, is the ones that most commonly are done together | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
in English were put furthest apart, so they were less likely to jam. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
So, in fact, it was in order to allow you to type | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
more smoothly and speedily, | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
so that you didn't get the jamming of the keys as they came up | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
-and hit each other. -Oh, I see. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
Of course, these days, we don't use mechanical typewriters in that | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
way, with the keys flopping up. That's how I learnt to type. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
-Enormous typewriters. -I was tiny. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
I loved typewriters so much, I was obsessed with them. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
-Really? -Absolutely adored them, yeah. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:15 | |
Stephen! Dinner's ready. Aaargh! | 0:12:15 | 0:12:18 | |
Do you know, it's true, | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
I once copied out a whole novel on the typewriter. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
-Did you? -Just to practise. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:23 | |
Yeah, because I enjoyed the experience of typing so much. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
-Just to, yeah. -While other people were getting on with their lives, you were doing that. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
-Yeah. What can I tell you? -It's the sort of man you are. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
-I'm sad. -I'm so modest. -What, what novel was it? | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
It was Frozen Assets, by PG Wodehouse. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
-It's not one of his best-known novels. -BILL SNIGGERS | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
Look, I'm sorry! | 0:12:41 | 0:12:42 | |
It's amazing you've come so far, isn't it? | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
"Yes, what I like to do in my spare time, | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
"I write out Proust, I use my nail and I chip it into an old flint." | 0:12:52 | 0:12:57 | |
I can't help it. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
"No, get off Nanny, I haven't finished yet." | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
You're such a bully! | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
-You're mean. -Sir, sir, Fry's copying out novels again. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:11 | |
Sir, he's chipping them, he's using a hammer and a chisel, | 0:13:11 | 0:13:15 | |
he's chiselled out War And Peace on the South Downs. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:21 | |
You really do live a different life to all the rest, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
you're not like us, are you? | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
-You're another, you're not a mortal. -Clearly not. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
You're like sent from some other planet. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
You are, the planet Aesthete, that's what you are. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:35 | |
-I always thought I was normal, and now I... -No, you're not. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:39 | |
-Oh, well, anyway... -You're a freak. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
Now, what starts with K and is killed by curiosity? | 0:13:42 | 0:13:46 | |
A kitten. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
-Oh! -Oh, no. -I'm sorry. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
It's an animal species, but not a cat. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
-A lot of these begin with Ks... -Kangaroo. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
-No, but you're in the right hemisphere. -Koala. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
-Again, right hemisphere, not the right country. -Kiwi. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
-Sorry? -Kiwi? -Kiwi. -You're the right type of animal. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
-Kora. -A kea. -Kea is the right answer. Very good. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
-A kea is? -A New Zealand parrot. -A flightless bird. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
No, it's not flightless, oddly enough, it's a parrot. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:15 | |
And there was a bounty put on them some years ago. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
Kea, which as you can see, look quite ravenous, | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
they look almost like eagles, but they are parrots, | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
would ride the sheep, peck at them and eat the fat off the poor sheep. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
And so there was a bounty put on their heads | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
and New Zealanders found keas were very curious animals. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
It's partly a result of having grown up in a country with no mammals | 0:14:33 | 0:14:37 | |
for millions of years. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:39 | |
Anyway, what you do is, you stand behind a rock and wait for a kea | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
to come along, and then you drop behind the rock and disappear. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:46 | |
And the kea thinks, that's odd. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
And he wanders up and he takes a look over, | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
and you just, with your club, just go bang, like that. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:54 | |
Then, that's the beauty of it, you've only just started, | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
because you don't have to move, you take the kea and you put it down. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
The kea's friend goes, "Where's Kevin?" | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
-Where's Kevin! -Wanders round, comes along like that. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
-Are they all called Kevin? -Then you drop down and disappear, and he goes, "What happened there? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
"There was someone, then there wasn't. How does that happen?" | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
And he looks over, bash, like that. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:13 | |
"Where's Keith?" And so on, all the way through. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
-All the Ks. -You get a huge swag bag of kea. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
-They're not the brightest of birds. -They're not the brightest. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
But the point is, they never needed to be. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Because New Zealand, just apart from a few bats, never had any mammals... | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
-That's true. -All they needed to do was mate and survive. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
The kakapo, for example, another type of parrot, | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
the only thing likely to predate on it was a vast eagle | 0:15:33 | 0:15:37 | |
that used to live in New Zealand called the Haast's eagle | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
and so the kakapo solved that by becoming nocturnal like the kiwi. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:44 | |
So it could be afraid of nothing. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
Kiwis aren't the most exciting birds, I have seen kiwis. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
-Have you burrowed into one of their dens? -No, I haven't bothered to do that. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:53 | |
I did. It's exciting. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
There's one on YouTube playing the piano. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
-Oh! -No, no. -Falling down an escalator. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
I've seen them in special areas, you know. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
I went out with this guide and he found one, and he said, | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
"Get in there, get in there." | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
And so I burrowed and burrowed and burrowed and burrowed. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
And you just see this little eye winking at you, | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
and that long wonderful beak, and it just winked. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
-Aah. -And I winked back and then sort of... | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
With a little look that just says, "you just destroyed my house." | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
-Yeah. -I was careful not to. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
-Aaah. -Aah, lovely! -It took three years to make this. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:28 | |
The New Zealand government, | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
they were given two pandas by the Chinese government in return for | 0:16:30 | 0:16:34 | |
two kiwis, and I just thought it was a bit of a swiz, you know. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:38 | |
It's like New Zealand, you know, the zoo in Auckland, all these | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
people going, aah, look at them, look at the pandas, and aah! | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
Some zoo in Beijing, people going, what? | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
-What are they? -These kiwis don't even sneeze. -They don't, nothing. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:51 | |
Very good, very good, very good. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
Now, what is this woman doing though? | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
What the...? Is this Lady Gaga's new album cover, is it? | 0:16:57 | 0:17:01 | |
-She's wearing a... -It's an experiment. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
No, she's using a device that's for sale, or was for sale, | 0:17:06 | 0:17:10 | |
it was built in 1929. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
-A new device. -Knitting jumpers? | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
Patented by Dr Kurt Johnen, it records the motions | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
and bodily reactions. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
A lady is pictured being examined by the device. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
A pneumatic belt records the change of the circumference of her chest. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
Pneumatic cuffs above the upper arms control the changes of muscle tension. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:30 | |
Through a hose is recorded the rhythms of respiration, | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
and another hose transfers the strength of touch. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
-It's a sex toy. -You would think, wouldn't you? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
But what about her hands? That's the clue, and our theme today? | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
Piano, she's learning piano. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
-Piano? -A keyboard. -Yes, it's a piano teaching machine. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
-Oh. -Oh. -Extraordinary, isn't it? | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
-Wow. -It's supposed to help you with your piano playing. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
Your posture, your breathing. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
There have been many others along those lines. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
There was the Chiroplast, which was clamped to the piano | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
and trapped the player's arms, that's the one on the left, | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
so you were forced to play using only your wrist and finger action. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:06 | |
You were then crippled. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
The one in the middle was the Dactylion, from the Greek "dactyl", meaning finger. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:11 | |
A contraption designed to strengthen the fingers, because | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
they're springs that you're going against in that middle picture. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
And it's said that Robert Schumann used that | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
and it actually hurt his fingers. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
Though others say that was syphilis. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
-It's a fine line, isn't it? -It is a fine line. -Oh, always. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:28 | |
When you're into fingering, syphilis is never far away. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
Next to that is the Chiro, or the Chirogymnaste, | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
which is a tiny finger gym, | 0:18:35 | 0:18:36 | |
which has got little finger events and you can see them. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
But if you do harm yourself by using one of these things, | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
you can always use the bed piano, for bedridden people. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
-Wow. -Which is a rather splendid device. I think you'll agree. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:50 | |
I hope that's securely attached. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
That is the laziest keyboard player in the world. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
And as you see, it rolls up, pushes away neatly. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
-That's fantastic. -It's great, isn't it? -I want one. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
You can slide pizzas down from the back. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:07 | |
-Yes. -Bill's sitting there going "I am going to get one of those." | 0:19:07 | 0:19:11 | |
-I will, I'm going to get one. -Bill will have one of those. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
-That's the piano for the bedroom. -Ha-ha! | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
-The upside-down piano, virtual. -That's magic. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
-Be easier to strap yourself into bed and tilt the bed up to a normal piano. -Yeah. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:22 | |
How would a left-handed piano work? | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
It would be high notes at the left. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
-There it is. -And there it is. That is a left-handed piano. -Wow. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
-It would take a hell of a lot of unlearning for you to play on that, wouldn't it? -Good God! | 0:19:29 | 0:19:34 | |
-Can you imagine? It would drive you mad. -It would. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
Transposing pianos, have you ever played with one of those? | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
Well, there's a device on the keyboard that will do that for you. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
-On an electric keyboard. -On an electric one. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
-There are pianos with a mechanism that can... -It's a lever on it. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:48 | |
-It moves it across to the next string. -Oh, right. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
Irving Berlin used one, because he only composed in F sharp. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
-He's like Stevie Wonder, who likes the black notes. -He couldn't read music, | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
but was the most successful song-writer of his age. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
-Really? -Yeah. He couldn't read music, he was fantastically talented, | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
He wrote White Christmas, let alone Top Hat, White Tie. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:05 | |
He lived long enough to be able to see his own songs go | 0:20:05 | 0:20:09 | |
out of copyright, because his first hit was in 1911, | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
with Alexander's Ragtime Band. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:13 | |
You know, "Come on and hear, come on and hear Alexander's Ragtime Band." | 0:20:13 | 0:20:16 | |
They only go out of copyright after you're dead. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
No, they do now, but in his day, it was 75 years after it was written. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:22 | |
-Right. -So he lived long enough to see some of his songs | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
go into the public domain. Now it's 70 years after you've died. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
-How old was he when he wrote it? -Early twenties. But had this extraordinary talent. -Amazing. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:31 | |
There's a long list of things I have to get after this show. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
There's the upside-down piano, the upside-down dinner, I mean, everything, yeah. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:38 | |
Yeah. So, what did the man who knew everything think cats were good for? | 0:20:38 | 0:20:44 | |
Well... | 0:20:44 | 0:20:45 | |
Catching mice. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
-Catching mice. -Isn't the man who knew everything Thomas Young? | 0:20:47 | 0:20:51 | |
Well, there's various people who were given | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
the title of the last man to know everything there was to know. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
Erasmus, Leibnitz, Von Humboldt, and this man here, Kircher, his name is. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
He was a German Jesuit, Athanasius Kircher. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
And he certainly was very interested in lots of things, | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
he was lowered into Vesuvius, he believed the Bubonic plague | 0:21:06 | 0:21:10 | |
was caused by microbes, well ahead of germ theory. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
Claimed falsely to have interpreted Egyptian hieroglyphics. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:16 | |
He regarded things like magnetism | 0:21:16 | 0:21:17 | |
and love as branches of the same topic, attraction, | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
which is a very QI way of looking at things, I like that. Yeah. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:24 | |
But what are the cats doing? | 0:21:24 | 0:21:26 | |
Well, we'll come to that. Some things he got right. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
He denied the possibility of flying tortoises. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
I don't know who'd raised the possibility, | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
but he damn well squashed it and said, no, | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
there won't be such a thing as a flying tortoise. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
-Rubbish. -But he did invent the megaphone, and the Katzenklavier. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:43 | |
Klavier is in fact German for key, from Klaven, Latin, key, | 0:21:43 | 0:21:47 | |
-but it's a keyboard instrument. -The cat playing the piano, he invented You Tube. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:51 | |
I'm afraid, for cat-lovers it's a bit more disturbing than that. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:56 | |
Oh, cat string, gut string. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
No, not cat gut, no, arrange live cats in the right order, | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
-according to their voice. -Oh. -And you play... -Drums. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
-And there you go. -Oh, brilliant. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
That's awesome! | 0:22:07 | 0:22:08 | |
Oh, if only they had YouTube back then. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
The outrage on the comments page. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
It's another thing for your list, isn't it. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
It's on the list. Yes, right up there. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
You've got to get one of those. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:21 | |
Their tales are fixed in place underneath hammers, | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
when a key is pressed, the hammer hits the corresponding, | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
you can even get chords and of course there's dynamics. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:29 | |
The harder you hit, it the more of a yowl. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
It wouldn't necessarily have to be cruel, | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
you could get the same mechanism, | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
but just have it sort of tickle the bollocks of a cat. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:37 | |
So it's more like... As opposed to... | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
-For a trill. -Yeah. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:41 | |
MIMICS CATS PLAYING 'HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY IN THE WINDOW?' | 0:22:41 | 0:22:46 | |
What do they think, that you have an A cat and a B cat? | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
-Yeah. -And a C cat? -I guess you just go round. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
But there are only six cats and there are more than six keys, so... | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
Well, that's true, that's a limited range, it's very... | 0:22:54 | 0:22:58 | |
-Experimental music. -Experimental music. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
All the other keys hit mice inside the box. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
It's doubtful he actually built it, | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
but he certainly wrote out the plans to one. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:07 | |
There are comparable records of pig organs, | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
that Louis XI of France, had one made by the Abbot of Baigne. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:13 | |
There you are, getting ascending order of pig, pig, pig. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
That's fantastic. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:17 | |
I like the woman singing along with them as well. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
You think she's playing the pigs, but the pigs are playing her. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:23 | |
And as late as the mid-19th century, | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
there was some instruments known variously as the Pig Organ, | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
the Hog Harmonium, Pigano, the Porko Forte, | 0:23:30 | 0:23:33 | |
or worst of all, the Swineway Grand. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
So there you are, yes, | 0:23:39 | 0:23:40 | |
several people have tried to make musical instruments | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
out of live animals, | 0:23:42 | 0:23:43 | |
although it doesn't really work very well in practice. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:46 | |
And now for the welcome return of a keynote of QI, | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
a bit of General Ignorance very quickly. Fingers on keypads. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
Nicely flexed and name something written by Winston Churchill? | 0:23:51 | 0:23:55 | |
Who was that? Yes? | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
-The Second World War. -Oh! | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
Have another go. | 0:24:00 | 0:24:02 | |
He won the Nobel Prize, didn't he. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
He won the Nobel Prize for Literature. Yes, he did. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
He wrote so much. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:08 | |
Our Prime Minister won the Nobel Prize for Literature, no question. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
Winston Churchill did not write under the name Winston Churchill. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:14 | |
-Our Prime Minister didn't. -Oh, that's right. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:16 | |
-What did he write under the name of? -Anne Bronte. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:19 | |
The Gathering Storm, by Anne Bronte. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
Daphne du Maurier. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
My early years. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
Katie Price. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:29 | |
No, what's his full name? Do you remember his full...? | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
-Spencer. -William Leonard Spencer Churchill. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
-Oh, Leonard. -So he wrote under the name of Winston S Churchill. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
Because when he started writing, | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
there was a very successful American novelist called Winston Churchill. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
And so out of politeness to him | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
he wrote to him this very complicated letter, | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
which was sort of jokey, I think, he says - | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
"Winston Churchill has no doubt that Mr Winston Churchill will recognise from this letter, | 0:24:50 | 0:24:54 | |
"if indeed by no other means, | 0:24:54 | 0:24:55 | |
"that there is grave danger of his works being mistaken for those of Mr Winston Churchill. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:59 | |
"He feels sure that Mr Winston Churchill desires this as little as he does himself. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:03 | |
"In future to avoid mistakes as far as possible, | 0:25:03 | 0:25:06 | |
"Mr Winston Churchill has decided to sign all published articles, stories or other works, | 0:25:06 | 0:25:09 | |
"Winston Spencer Churchill and not Winston Churchill as formerly. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
"He trusts that this arrangement will commend itself to Mr Winston Churchill." | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
And Winston Churchill replied, | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
"Mr Winston Churchill appreciates the courtesy of Mr Winston Churchill | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
"in adopting the name of Winston Spencer Churchill in his books, articles, etc. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
"Mr Winston Churchill makes haste to add that had he possessed any other names, | 0:25:24 | 0:25:28 | |
"he would certainly have adopted one of them." | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
-There you go. So how polite. -That's so lovely. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
I like the fact they refer to themselves in the third person. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:35 | |
Mr Churchill all the time, I know. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
Now, what truly grim reading matter was banned in Germany after the War? | 0:25:37 | 0:25:41 | |
Romantic comedies? Mills and Boon? | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
"Say what you hear. The clue is in the question." | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
-What was the question again? -Say the question again. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:51 | |
What truly grim reading matter was...? | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
The Brothers Grimm. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:54 | |
-Brothers Grimm. -Oh, right. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
Because people believed that real savagery of the Grimm fairy tales | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
had contributed to something that had turned the German people nasty, | 0:26:00 | 0:26:04 | |
the perceived barbarity of the people. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
The argument they'd fostered obedience, discipline, | 0:26:06 | 0:26:10 | |
authoritarianism, nationalism, glorification of violence, | 0:26:10 | 0:26:14 | |
all that kind of thing, became part of the national character. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
According to a British Major, TJ Leonard, | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
he said the fairytales had helped teach German children | 0:26:18 | 0:26:21 | |
"all the varieties of barbarousness." | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
Including light flannelling. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
And it made them easy to fit the role of hangman, | 0:26:28 | 0:26:31 | |
and so on and so forth. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:32 | |
One of the stories was called | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
How Children Played Butcher With Each Other, | 0:26:34 | 0:26:37 | |
which was really savage. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:38 | |
That was removed from the second edition. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
And in the Frog King, the frog is not kissed by the princess, | 0:26:40 | 0:26:44 | |
he's hurled against a wall with all the strength she has, | 0:26:44 | 0:26:48 | |
to turn him into a prince. A rather battered, bruised prince. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:51 | |
-That'll do it. -Yeah. -At two miles an hour. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:53 | |
Two miles an hour, against a... | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
And he goes like that... Argh! | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
It was all he could do. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:00 | |
-He's got little froggy arms. -Yeah. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:02 | |
On the other hand, there is a lyrical quality. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
The last in the collection, you'll love this story. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
There's a little poor boy goes out into a wintry forest | 0:27:08 | 0:27:11 | |
to collect wood on a sled. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:13 | |
In the snow he finds a tiny key and next to it an iron box. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:18 | |
The boy inserts the key, he turns it, he lifts the lid. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:25 | |
SUSPENSEFUL TUNE PLAYS | 0:27:25 | 0:27:32 | |
He lifts the lid... | 0:27:32 | 0:27:35 | |
TUNE CONTINUES | 0:27:35 | 0:27:41 | |
End of story. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
Oh, really? | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
That's Pulp Fiction. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:46 | |
Exactly, it's the suitcase in Pulp Fiction, | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
exactly what I thought of it. | 0:27:48 | 0:27:49 | |
The rest is up to your imagination, boys and girls. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
-What do you think was in that box? -A frog. -Porn. | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
-I think it was a stash of porn. Yeah. -A flannel. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
That's why I used to go into the woods. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
Well, we've ended on a sour, bitter and very rude note. | 0:28:03 | 0:28:05 | |
Which is the way we like to end on QI. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:08 | |
-Once again. -Yes, hurrah. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:09 | |
Which brings us to the scores. And let's have a look. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
My word, my goodness, my gracious, my goodness and my everything, | 0:28:11 | 0:28:15 | |
in first place, with plus three, is Bill Bailey! | 0:28:15 | 0:28:18 | |
Wow. I've never won! | 0:28:20 | 0:28:23 | |
How did you end up with plus three? | 0:28:23 | 0:28:25 | |
Second place for a first timer, with minus eight, it's Isy. | 0:28:26 | 0:28:29 | |
Oh, well done. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:31 | |
Third place, on his first appearance, is really not bad, | 0:28:35 | 0:28:38 | |
it's Tim Minchin. | 0:28:38 | 0:28:39 | |
And yes, in fourth place is Alan Davies! | 0:28:42 | 0:28:46 | |
So that's it from Isy, Tim, Bill, Alan and me. | 0:28:53 | 0:28:56 | |
And good night. | 0:28:56 | 0:28:58 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:29:20 | 0:29:23 |