Nosey Noisy QI


Nosey Noisy

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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language.

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APPLAUSE

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Oh! Too kind.

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Hello, and welcome to QI.

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Tonight's show is like a nightmare neighbour, nosey and noisy.

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Please make some noise

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for someone with a nose for the truth, Aisling Bea.

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APPLAUSE

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A nose for a bargain, Ross Noble.

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APPLAUSE

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And a nose for a good story,

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it's Slipknot frontman, it's Corey Taylor.

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APPLAUSE

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And a nose for trouble, Alan Davies.

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APPLAUSE

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And they've all brought along their favourite noises.

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So Aisling goes...

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BABY GIGGLES Ah!

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-Have you got children, Aisling?

-No, no!

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You'll go off that noise, I'm just saying!

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It's the loveliest noise. There's nothing nicer than the sound of a giggling baby,

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other than at night-time, if you don't know where it is.

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Yeah, maybe parenting's not for you.

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Ross goes...

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CHILD'S VOICE: I hate rakes!

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-BOY'S VOICE:

-I am Mola Ram!

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-Who are those annoying children?

-Those are my children!

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They... And obviously, everyone says, you know,

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children laughing is the best thing ever.

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-I think even better than that is your own children acting out scenes from Indiana Jones.

-Yeah.

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So my little one can't say esses, so instead of saying, "I hate snakes,"

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she says, "I hate rakes."

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-So listen again.

-CHILD:

-I hate rakes.

-Aww!

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And that was the oldest one going, "I am Mola Ram!"

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Right. Let's have a listen, Corey goes...

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HEAVY METAL MUSIC

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-AISLING:

-I love One Direction!

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Yeah.

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APPLAUSE

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Is that your own track?

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-That is...

-Don't tell me, let me guess.

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-OK.

-Was that Psychosocial?

-No.

-Oh.

-Close though.

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That's the only one I know.

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-This one is Psychosocial.

-That Psychosocial, yeah.

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Wow!

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I'm the cute one.

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Him. No. Him!

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APPLAUSE

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We haven't even got on the questions yet. Alan goes...

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SIRENS BLARE

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-A favourite sound, or just familiar?

-Very familiar.

-Just familiar.

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And let's start with a noisy question.

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I want to hear the loudest thing anyone's ever shouted.

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-It's got to be something at their kids.

-OK, yes. In fact, you're in the right...

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SHUT THE FUCK UP!

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So if you could do that in a more BBC Two way...

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LAUGHTER

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I'll do my best. Sshhhhhh!

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Is it yodelling?

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No, but yodelling is my Achilles heel.

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I could be on my deathbed, full of depression,

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and somebody yodelled, I would laugh. I just...

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Is it a human doing it?

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It is a human doing, this. It is, but he's in the right area.

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It is a word for shush, it is the loudest word that's ever been shouted.

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It's in the Guinness world records.

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-It's got to be something like quiet.

-It is quiet. Absolutely right. It's the loudest word ever spoken.

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There's a photo of it being done.

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Well, this is her. She's a Belfast primary school teacher.

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"Quiet!"

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She's called Anneliese Flanagan. I think she mostly uses

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her rather impressive voice on the hockey pitch.

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But in 1994 she entered a shouting competition and her world record has

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remained unbroken for 22 years.

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She logged 121 decibels, which is exactly the same as a chainsaw.

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That's quite loud. Yeah. Our shows top out at, like, 109.

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-And those are quite loud.

-So 121 is stupid!

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She's...

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Louder than Slipknot, that's a good title.

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-BELFAST ACCENT:

-Do not make me get louder than Slipknot!

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It is good to know that if you're at a slipknot gig and there is

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a Northern Irish primary school teacher...

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-BELFAST ACCENT:

-Turn it down, lads.

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She's 32 times as loud as a vacuum cleaner.

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Which is a sort of weird thing to know about yourself.

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And she can shout twice as loud as the human pain threshold.

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Now, is anybody here a loud burper?

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That's the other thing that there is a record for.

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No, I'd need some fizzy pop.

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-SANDI BURPS

-Oh, Sandi!

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That's it. I sound like a frog with asthma.

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That is something I never thought I would see.

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If you start lighting your farts...!

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That's unbelievable.

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I see you've missed one of the shows!

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Can you imagine if this is just Ross Noble's dream, Slipknot are on QI,

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Sandi gets out, she's hosting now.

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She burps and then she lights her fart.

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-ROSS:

-Is this actually happening?

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Well, the world's two loudest burpers,

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and I like that has gone down to two, are currently locked in a duel...

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The record was set by a man from Essex, surprisingly.

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He is there on the right. That's Paul Hunn, 109.9 decibels.

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-No way!

-That was in February.

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Immediately it was broken by Neville Sharp, who comes from a town I want to go to in Australia

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-called Humptydoo.

-Humptydoo?

-Have you been to Humptydoo?

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Yes. I've been to Humptydoo, yeah.

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-Have you?

-Yeah, and it had that guy on the telly and they were going,

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"We've got the loudest burper..."

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And he was... You know, slow news day!

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And they went, "Do one for us now."

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But, like me, he needs to build up to it,

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and he couldn't perform!

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-Oh, no!

-Everyone was going, "Oh, not sure if you are any good at it."

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Humptydoo though, it's the most Australian town I have never heard of in my life.

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Their biggest tourist attraction is a statue of a boxing crocodile.

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And they are famous for the Humptydoo virus, it's a virus for kangaroos,

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and it's named after Humptydoo.

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So anyway, Neville Sharp beat...

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This is the exciting battle between the two burpers.

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And the day after, Paul, from Essex, broke back.

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He broke back with 117.9.

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-Broke back?!

-Well, he's got that wrong. That's the other end!

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He made a 117.9 decibel belch,

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which is apparently louder than a Deep Purple concert in 1972,

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which broke the record for the world's loudest band.

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And left the audience members unconscious.

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-They hold the Guinness world record.

-Do they?

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It was in the books, yeah.

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So that became the goal for everybody.

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And then Motorhead broke that.

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And now, apparently, a man's throat has done the same.

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What the hell am I doing?

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Would they not let you...

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Because all you've got to do is just turn it up.

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You would think.

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But you would be mistook.

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-Oh, why? I don't know.

-I just thought it was fun to say that to him.

-Oh, right!

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Anybody able to crack their finger knuckles?

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That's the other thing people can do very loudly.

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LOUD CRACKING

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-Watch this...

-CRACKS JAW

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-She asked!

-Were you hit by a car this afternoon?

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-Any other parts of you that you can make noises with?

-Well...

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None for BBC Two!

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The loudest crack of finger knuckles is 83.2 decibels,

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so that's as loud as a food blender.

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Can you do it? I can't do it at all.

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I just did a little one, and now it will be a couple of days.

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So that's the extraordinary thing, and we can just show you.

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This is an actual photograph. These are knuckles,

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not amniotic fluid. LOUD CRACK

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Isn't that incredible?

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And what it is, it's the bubbles of gas popping out of the fluid between

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your joints. You can't crack twice in succession,

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because you need time to build the gas back up again.

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But how funny would that be if you were, like, an ultrasound person

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and you just loaded that into the machine...

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The parents came and went, let's just have a look... ARGH!

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And then just run out of the room.

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Now, I have some things for you. What can you do with these?

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I'm going to hand those out to you there.

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-So...

-These are, like, those smear test things?!

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BLOWS WHISTLE

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Oh, a duck. To get ducks.

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It is a kind of whistle.

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But it's not to be played with the mouth.

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AUDIENCE GROAN

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Oh! It's to be played with your nose.

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THEY ALL WHISTLE

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I'm guessing, is this for like paramedics who, if somebody,

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they're not sure if they're breathing or not, you just put that on their...

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They're still alive.

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It's called a nose flute.

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And the first patent for this was the Nasalette in 1892,

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and the theory was it left your hands...

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There it is. ..Your hands free to play other instruments.

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But this one doesn't. So I've got some knicker elastic.

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If you put that round your face and the thing.

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-AISLING:

-Oh, can we all be in Slipknot now?

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Just breathe through your nose.

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CACOPHONY OF WHISTLES

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It has the look of a woman trying to unwrap toffee with her bottom.

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Don't give them back!

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So, the nose flutes,

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they have been around the world long before this patented existed.

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They were played in Southeast Asia,

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in the Pacific Islands, in the Congo.

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In Fiji, couples used to use them to seduce each other.

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And apparently it was traditional to plug one nostril with tobacco

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and then play do the other nostril, and you get a hit of nicotine at the same time.

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A fantastic photograph in the 1909 copy of Tatler,

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which is a man in India playing the nose flute and the bagpipes simultaneously.

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He is described by one musicologist as a peak of woodwind virtuosity.

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Yours is a double ended nose picker that you've got there, Alan.

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This was patented in 1998, and oddly,

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no-one has yet to manufacture them for general sale.

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So how many...

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AUDIENCE GROAN

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They did a study of nose picking in 2000...

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-Ever used something other than your own finger?

-No.

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They did a study in 2001.

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They've got no hooking motion. You need a hooking motion.

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-To be able to pull?

-I've got nothing there.

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What I have noticed is there are some bogeys on there from a previous owner.

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There is a clean one.

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I'll just go on the Tube like that.

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Sit like that.

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"I'm just going to hospital."

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"How many stops...?"

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SCATTERED APPLAUSE

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That is the most feeble clap!

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There's half of you going, "I'm not clapping that."

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Can I just borrow two?

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I've got one that's more flaccid than the other.

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If you clap Ross's finger joke, I will be pissed off!

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I'm just thinking, for the lazy Slipknot fan.

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AUDIENCE CLAP AND CHEER

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That's for the lazy Slipknot fan too. You can always...

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There you go.

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So only 80% of teenagers use their fingers to pick their noses,

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what do the rest use?

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-The end of a pencil?

-Yes.

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Pencils is one. Come on, we've all done it.

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A biro. A friend's finger?

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-A cotton bud?

-No, it's nothing as nice as that.

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It's tweezers!

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What if it winds up there?

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What was weird was 11% do it for cosmetic reasons, 11% for pleasure...

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-Are you talking about the actual...

-Yeah.

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Surely a Hoover would work better than tweezers.

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Who'd put a Hoover up your nose?!

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It's an irresponsible remark!

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I'm sorry for what I said earlier about using a Hoover.

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Please, teenagers, do not stick a Hoover to your nose.

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Here's a question that everyone is gagging to know the answer to...

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What noise does a frog on helium make?

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On helium?

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-HIGH VOICE:

-"Oh, I love you, Miss Piggy."

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COREY COUGHS

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You've got a frog in your throat!

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Corey, if you want a klaxon, I reckon if you did a high-pitched ribbit,

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-I reckon that would get one.

-Try and say ribbit.

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-HIGH VOICE:

-Ribbit!

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Yes!

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I might need a tissue.

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It's rare you see so much pleasure at failure.

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-It's so good.

-I reckon nobody knows.

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Because as soon as you fill them with helium, that expands...

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and they're off.

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"Help!"

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Hands like that.

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In 1993, scientists made three different species of frog inhale helium.

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Clearly, party's not gone that well, nobody's turned up...

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Scientists with poor sexual skills, I'm going to guess.

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-We've finished, but we can't leave until five!

-Yes.

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Anything you always wanted to do?

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And it has no effect on frogs whatsoever.

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And the reason is that frogs don't use the resonance of the air

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inside the vocal tract to vocalise the way we do.

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They seem to create resonance by using their skin instead.

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And that is not affected by helium.

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OK. So, having that piece of information in your heads,

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what do you think would happen if you asked a dinosaur

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to suck on a party balloon?

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I think he'd be like, "I died thousands of years ago.

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"This is a dream."

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It would sound like...

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-CONSTRICTED VOICE:

-I died thousands of years ago.

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This is a dream.

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Actually, Corey, you would be right.

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Because you can't try it out on dinosaurs,

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so in 2015 the same experiment was carried out on a Chinese alligator,

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which is as close as they could get, by Austrian scientists.

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And it turns out pumping helium into the tank of a Chinese alligator

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affects her voice as it does ours.

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So let's have a listen to before, and then straightaway,

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the after with the helium.

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RESONANT GRUNTS

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-It's lower?

-Does it make it lower?

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Well, the thing is, it just changes the timbre.

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What helium doesn't do, people think it makes your voice higher.

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It doesn't. Every voice, as you well know, is a mixed frequency.

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So all it does, is it causes some of those frequencies in humans,

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the higher ones, to be amplified.

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So we just hear them more.

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It doesn't actually make your voice any higher.

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Apparently, because it's true of alligators,

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it must be true of dinosaurs because of the alligator being a descendant.

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That'll be a really bad, like, next Jurassic Park.

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-Like, the third one.

-Yeah.

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Now I'm going to give you the horn.

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OK.

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There's one each for you two.

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And I have here...

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And I want to know, what noise is that for?

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Is this going to be some sort of Latvian arse trumpet or something?

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And two points to Ross!

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Someone in the audience had an offer.

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Does anybody know?

0:17:270:17:28

-WOMAN:

-Heartbeats.

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It is for a heartbeat, what kind of heartbeat?

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-AUDIENCE:

-Foetal.

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It is still used.

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It is for the foetal heartbeat.

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It is called a Pinard horn, and to this day

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it is still used by midwives

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to listen for the foetal heartbeat.

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It was invented in 1895 by a French obstetrician called Adolf Pinard.

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And what is so fantastic is that they haven't improved on it.

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It's still used today.

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You can buy them on any website of foetal heartbeat...

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No, it's too late. He's dead.

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It's inspired by the original stethoscope.

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Does anybody know why the original stethoscope was invented?

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For hearing things.

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Yes.

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Is it like an early Walkman,

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and you'd attach it to a chamber orchestra?

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And they'd run behind you... You'd have in on like that...

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"This is ridiculous.

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"I've been running. Oh, hang on."

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Was it so you could get through lady's garments, so they didn't have to disrobe?

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It is to do with embarrassment.

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Dr Rene Laennec, he had to listen to women's chests.

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But he didn't want to put his ear too close.

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-He was embarrassed.

-Too awkward for everyone.

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Too awkward, so 1816, he invented the stethoscope.

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Conversation tubes, introduced in the 1600s,

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it was the same sort of awkwardness.

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A Puritan couple, so they could have a conversation,

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they could talk through a tube.

0:18:470:18:48

Those were then used as the very first commercial hearing aids, about 1800.

0:18:480:18:53

Have a look at that. These ones are actually...

0:18:530:18:55

This will work, will it?

0:18:550:18:57

-If you speak...

-Oh, Jesus!

0:18:570:18:59

What's wrong with you?!

0:18:590:19:01

Speak in it to yourself, then you can hear most clearly.

0:19:010:19:04

I can just do that.

0:19:040:19:05

Hello, Ross. "Hello."

0:19:070:19:08

Hello. Germany calling.

0:19:110:19:13

The one on the picture, we actually have here.

0:19:150:19:18

-This is...

-The one in the picture.

0:19:180:19:20

I can't look quite as cheerful.

0:19:200:19:21

I can hear the sea.

0:19:230:19:25

Is that what you're supposed to...

0:19:250:19:27

You know how people worry about what earrings to wear, those, I think,

0:19:290:19:32

are working for you.

0:19:320:19:34

You look like Mickey Mouse and Prince Charles had a child.

0:19:340:19:36

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:19:360:19:38

Thank you.

0:19:430:19:44

This is extraordinary. This one is really extraordinary.

0:19:440:19:47

You put that bit in your ear.

0:19:470:19:48

Hello?

0:19:480:19:49

I wonder will this, like, amplify between that and the...?

0:19:510:19:54

Oh, no way!

0:19:540:19:55

Just to get on the show again.

0:19:580:19:59

You must be joking!

0:19:590:20:00

This one is really extraordinary.

0:20:030:20:05

It's been lent to us by Dr Laurie Slater,

0:20:050:20:07

who's a GP who collects medical oddities.

0:20:070:20:09

It is a silver ear trumpet.

0:20:090:20:11

It was made in 1880,

0:20:110:20:12

and it is possible it is actually Queen Victoria's hearing aid.

0:20:120:20:17

It is possible.

0:20:170:20:19

There is no direct evidence of this, but they are very rare. And this one is unique,

0:20:190:20:22

so it is possible this is what Queen Victoria used to...

0:20:220:20:24

The stories that could tell.

0:20:240:20:26

I know.

0:20:260:20:27

When you say it's possible, is that like,

0:20:270:20:29

did like an ear wax expert lick it and go...

0:20:290:20:32

"Queen Victoria."

0:20:320:20:33

I think if you are an ear wax specialist,

0:20:350:20:36

you probably don't lick.

0:20:360:20:38

Just saying. I don't really know.

0:20:380:20:39

Right, speaking of ears.

0:20:390:20:41

I'm going to play you two recordings, OK?

0:20:410:20:43

One is of hot water being poured into a bowl.

0:20:430:20:46

And one is of cold water being poured into a bowl.

0:20:460:20:48

I want you to tell me which is which.

0:20:480:20:50

Here is the first one.

0:20:500:20:51

WATER POURS

0:20:510:20:53

And here is the second one.

0:20:550:20:58

WATER POURS

0:20:580:20:59

-So...

-Sorry, I need a wee!

0:21:000:21:02

-What do we think the first one is? Hot or cold?

-Hot.

0:21:050:21:08

-Hot.

-Everybody hot?

0:21:080:21:10

Yes, I'll go hot. I thought it was the first one.

0:21:100:21:13

It sounded like emptying a kettle.

0:21:130:21:15

The second one sounded like filling a kettle.

0:21:150:21:17

Oh! OK.

0:21:170:21:20

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Ooh!

0:21:200:21:22

What is this mocking me?!

0:21:230:21:26

Since Stephen left, they've just turned.

0:21:270:21:30

They've gone,

0:21:300:21:31

"No-one's taking the piss out of that idiot. It's up to us."

0:21:310:21:33

LAUGHTER

0:21:330:21:36

The second one sounded kind of crisp and cold.

0:21:360:21:38

-I wanted a drink.

-Let's have one more listen.

0:21:380:21:40

This is the first one. Have a listen.

0:21:400:21:42

WATER POURS

0:21:420:21:43

And the second one...

0:21:460:21:47

WATER POURS

0:21:470:21:48

Can we just bear in mind, this is QI,

0:21:500:21:52

so I've got a feeling that it might be somebody

0:21:520:21:54

pouring soup onto a horse.

0:21:540:21:56

LAUGHTER

0:21:560:21:57

APPLAUSE

0:22:000:22:01

I promise you, it's hot and cold water.

0:22:060:22:08

Hands up who thinks the first one is hot.

0:22:080:22:10

And hands up who thinks the first one is cold.

0:22:110:22:14

-Oh, that's weird.

-So, it is about the right percentage.

0:22:140:22:18

96% correctly, usually, identify the first one as hot.

0:22:180:22:22

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Whoo!

0:22:220:22:23

Yes!

0:22:230:22:24

They do make different noises,

0:22:250:22:27

because hot water is, kind of, slightly less sticky,

0:22:270:22:29

is the thing of it, molecules in it have more energy from the heat,

0:22:290:22:33

and so when hot water hits a hard surface,

0:22:330:22:35

it breaks up into smaller particles

0:22:350:22:37

and makes a higher pitched splashing noise than cold water.

0:22:370:22:40

So... But now you'll know.

0:22:400:22:42

-Yeah.

-That's good.

0:22:420:22:44

I'll be like, that was hot!

0:22:440:22:45

Next time you pour boiling water on yourself, you'll be like,

0:22:470:22:49

"Is it hot... Oh, wait, the sound of it... Yes, I am, I'm burning."

0:22:490:22:52

And now for the stuff that nobody knows.

0:22:540:22:56

It's General Ignorance.

0:22:560:22:57

Fingers on buzzers, please.

0:22:570:23:00

Which of these weighs the same as a blue whale's heart?

0:23:000:23:03

-BOY'S VOICE:

-'I am Mola Ram.'

0:23:030:23:05

-Ross.

-I'm going to say the Beetle.

0:23:050:23:07

KLAXON

0:23:070:23:08

I have heard of the blue whale.

0:23:120:23:15

People have...

0:23:150:23:16

People have supplied me with many blue whale facts over the years.

0:23:180:23:21

One of the blue whale facts that I've been told was that it...

0:23:210:23:24

The heart is about the size of a Mini...

0:23:240:23:28

Well, here's the extraordinary thing.

0:23:280:23:30

Nobody checked. Everybody thought it was the same size,

0:23:300:23:32

and exactly the same weight as a Beetle,

0:23:320:23:34

and when they checked, it turns out that, in fact,

0:23:340:23:36

it weighs about the same as a male gorilla.

0:23:360:23:38

It's about 28-and-a-half stone.

0:23:380:23:40

But a lot lighter than a Beetle.

0:23:400:23:42

It is about 22% of what a Beetle would weigh.

0:23:420:23:44

There he is. Isn't it extraordinary?

0:23:440:23:46

Are they doing a transplant?

0:23:460:23:48

They're going to put a Beetle in!

0:23:480:23:50

MIMICS ENGINE

0:23:540:23:56

It starts in all weathers.

0:23:560:23:57

Right, fingers on buzzers.

0:23:590:24:00

If I toot my horn and flash my lamps at exactly the same time,

0:24:000:24:04

what is the first thing that you will notice?

0:24:040:24:07

-BOY'S VOICE:

-'I am Mola Ram!'

0:24:070:24:08

Oh, Ross, you're quick on the buzzer today.

0:24:080:24:10

You've taken up dogging?

0:24:100:24:11

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:24:110:24:13

Every girl needs a hobby.

0:24:190:24:21

Is it to do with how far away things are?

0:24:220:24:24

-Yes, absolutely.

-So if the car's a really long way away,

0:24:240:24:28

the light will get to you before the sound of the horn does?

0:24:280:24:31

Like a thunderstorm principle?

0:24:310:24:33

Yes. The brain has to process both.

0:24:330:24:35

It's not enough for it to reach you.

0:24:350:24:37

The brain has got to process it.

0:24:370:24:38

It processes sound faster than it processes light.

0:24:380:24:41

So, if you're close enough, then you'll hear the horn first.

0:24:410:24:44

But as you get further away from the source, so for example,

0:24:440:24:47

a plane in the sky,

0:24:470:24:48

the difference between when the sound reaches you and when the light

0:24:480:24:51

reaches your increases. Light travels faster than sound, and therefore...

0:24:510:24:54

I wonder if that is an evolutionary thing,

0:24:540:24:56

because things that are dangerous to humans make noises in the dark.

0:24:560:25:01

-Yeah.

-So we prioritised the ears.

0:25:010:25:05

I mean, our hearing is extraordinary

0:25:050:25:07

because it can detect frequencies from 20 hertz to over 20,000.

0:25:070:25:09

Whereas the eye, the range is much, much smaller.

0:25:090:25:11

Not after your concerts, obviously.

0:25:110:25:13

-No, no.

-Ears are great, aren't they, Sandi?

0:25:130:25:16

I think that's a message for people back home today.

0:25:160:25:18

Ears, they're great.

0:25:180:25:20

This is brought to you by the Ear Advisory Board.

0:25:220:25:25

Ears, don't knock 'em till you've tried 'em.

0:25:250:25:27

What?

0:25:270:25:29

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:25:290:25:31

Which vitamin can stop you getting a runny nose?

0:25:360:25:39

Don't let Ross win again! HEAVY METAL MUSIC

0:25:410:25:43

Corey!

0:25:430:25:44

-C?

-C, yes.

0:25:440:25:47

KLAXON

0:25:470:25:48

People used to believe that vitamin C was the thing

0:25:520:25:55

if you were trying to prevent colds, but it does nothing at all.

0:25:550:25:57

There's hardly any evidence it even alleviates the symptoms.

0:25:570:26:00

The one you want is the sunshine vitamin.

0:26:000:26:01

-D!

-Absolutely right.

0:26:010:26:03

That does prevent people getting colds in the first place,

0:26:030:26:05

and reduces the incidence of flu.

0:26:050:26:08

Most people who take vitamins shouldn't bother,

0:26:080:26:11

is the absolute truth of it.

0:26:110:26:13

So, one vitamin C tablet contains

0:26:130:26:14

ten times the recommended daily allowance of the vitamin,

0:26:140:26:18

and you just don't really need it.

0:26:180:26:21

You just wee it away.

0:26:210:26:22

You just wee it away. So, if you put a duck in an echo chamber, what...

0:26:220:26:28

LAUGHTER

0:26:280:26:29

How are you going to play? What are you likely to hear?

0:26:310:26:33

HEAVY METAL MUSIC

0:26:330:26:35

Corey.

0:26:350:26:37

It will become pregnant.

0:26:370:26:39

I like how your mind works.

0:26:410:26:43

It's possible I like everything about you, Corey.

0:26:430:26:46

But no, it's not that.

0:26:460:26:48

I know this only because Lee Mack has a show called

0:26:480:26:51

Duck Quacks Don't Echo.

0:26:510:26:53

And what's the answer?

0:26:530:26:54

Ducks' quacks don't echo.

0:26:540:26:56

KLAXON

0:26:560:26:59

-APPLAUSE

-Unbelievable.

0:27:000:27:03

Do you know what, you're right, Lee Mack does have that show.

0:27:030:27:08

And I thought that was a thing.

0:27:080:27:09

We'll be finding out next that some mothers DON'T have 'em!

0:27:090:27:12

Unbelievable!

0:27:140:27:15

So, that isn't right, because ducks' quacks do echo,

0:27:150:27:19

but in fact, most ducks don't quack at all.

0:27:190:27:22

-What?

-Yes!

0:27:220:27:24

-This show, man!

-Oh, my God.

0:27:240:27:26

It's mainly just female mallards that make the quacking noise.

0:27:290:27:31

What I like, is that other species,

0:27:310:27:33

they whistle, they coo and they yodel.

0:27:330:27:35

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:27:350:27:37

Yes, they yodel.

0:27:370:27:38

And some ducks are completely silent.

0:27:380:27:40

They've nothing to say. Nothing.

0:27:400:27:42

-Just complete silence.

-What does a duck yodelling sound like?

0:27:420:27:46

You can actually have a look on various popular websites

0:27:460:27:49

and see ducks yodelling.

0:27:490:27:50

Some of the worst Hank Williams tribute acts you'll ever see.

0:27:500:27:54

So, that brings us to the matter of the scores.

0:27:550:27:58

In last place with minus 9 points, it's Corey.

0:27:580:28:00

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:000:28:02

In third place, with minus 4, it's Ross.

0:28:060:28:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:090:28:10

And in second place, with minus 2, it's Aisling.

0:28:150:28:18

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:180:28:20

And our runaway winner, with eight points, it's Alan!

0:28:230:28:26

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:260:28:29

My thanks to Corey, Ross, Aisling and Alan for their interesting noises.

0:28:380:28:41

And the last word on the subject

0:28:410:28:43

goes to American comedian Stephen Wright.

0:28:430:28:46

"I didn't get a toy train like the other kids.

0:28:460:28:48

"I got a toy subway instead.

0:28:480:28:50

"You couldn't see anything, but every now and then,

0:28:500:28:52

"you'd hear this rumbling noise go by."

0:28:520:28:54

Goodnight.

0:28:540:28:56

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