VG Part Two QI


VG Part Two

A selection of the best moments from the O Series of QI, hosted by Sandi Toksvig with Alan Davies and their guests.


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Transcript


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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello, and welcome to QI.

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Now, what do vegetarian goatsuckers eat?

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LAUGHTER

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-Right, I thought... Wow.

-Can you show that on television?

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I think that's taking vaping too far.

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-Is that a goat bagpipe?

-It is a goat bagpipe.

-Oh.

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He's done something odd to his hair.

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Yeah, his hair, that's the problem with that picture!

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So vegetarian goatsuckers, what do they eat?

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He must eat the rest of the goat, surely,

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before it becomes his instrument?

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It's a vegetarian goatsucker. So...

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-Not goats!

-There's no use saying that...

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What's a goatsucker?

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-It's a kind of bird, it's an order of birds called goatsuckers.

-Oh.

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And they were named because there was an ancient belief

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that they lived nocturnally, sucking the milk from the teats of goats,

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-which sent them blind.

-Oh, God!

-Oh, I know.

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-It feels like a fun-size owl.

-Well...

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Like, if you're like, "Oh, I want to get an owl,

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-"but I haven't got the space."

-Yeah.

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"I'll get one of these."

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They're called oilbirds, also known as guacharo.

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And they are the only vegetarian species of goatsuckers.

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Most goatsuckers eat insects, these oilbirds eat fruit.

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Sorry, you said that like it's like a huge surprise to us.

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-What?

-We've only just heard they existed and you went,

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"These are the only ones that are vegetarians!"

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Well, I've just found out.

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I mean, I literally couldn't care less.

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LAUGHTER

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And I'm speaking on behalf of everyone in the room when I say,

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"No, really, these are the only vegetarian ones?

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"Wow, let's get this down."

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What are you talking about? You've lost your mind!

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They live in caves in the northern part of South America.

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Well, no wonder they're vegetarian, what is there to eat in there?

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Well, the thing about them is they get so fat

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from the fruit that they eat, that they become incredibly plump and

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there's an annual oil harvest where people take the plump babies in

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their thousands, the local people, and they render them for the oil.

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Because apparently it's excellent for fuel and also for cooking.

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-Do they still suck the goats?

-Nobody sucks goats, it's...

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Do you remember when Sandi had a breakdown on television

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and she was talking about goatsuckers?

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And then we just gave up. We asked about three times,

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"What has this goat got to do with anything?"

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And she just went, "Oh, it's a bird."

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But then she kept on talking about goats for ages before,

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-but then we just let it go.

-People will look back on it as the tipping point.

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They'll say it was one show too many,

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and she explained to everyone, "It's the only vegetarian goatsucker,

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"but it doesn't suck goats, doesn't even do it."

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-And she thought it made sense.

-Yeah, yeah.

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It was an ancient belief that they sucked the teats of goats

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for the milk, but they don't.

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Sometimes in the old days they got things wrong.

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LAUGHTER

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-I'd quite like to live in a cave.

-Would you? Why?

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I don't know, I always like being in a cave.

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LAUGHTER

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Whenever I'm in a cave, I feel quite relaxed.

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This is the weirdest therapy session of all time.

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I went into some really big caves once, and it was great in there.

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LAUGHTER

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I'd say whatever Sandi's got is catching.

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And do you know what...?

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If my calculations are correct, I think the wind's blowing that way.

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I don't think Jason's got much hope.

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OK, I've got some descriptions of perfumes

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and I want you to guess which celebrity they come from, OK?

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"Focused on the topic of decisiveness and persistence.

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"Its composition is based on sophisticated shades of spices,

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"which are blended with citruses over a masculine, elegant heart

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"and a woody, leathery base."

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# Smell the roses. #

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-Is it David Beckham?

-It is!

-What?!

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APPLAUSE

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Well done, two to go.

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-So it's called Beyond Forever.

-I love it.

-By David Beckham.

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OK, here's the next one. Ready?

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"The perfect accessory for the confident man determined to

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"make his mark with passion, perseverance and drive.

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"For those who aspire to create their own empire through personal

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"achievement, this dynamic scent is both compelling

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"and leaves a lasting impression. Bold notes..."

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ROSS'S BUZZER

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-Ross?

-Is it Rory Bremner?

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Rory could probably do this person, I would imagine.

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-Donald Trump...

-Yes! Yes!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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I'm very, very pleased to actually have a...

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-BUZZER TRUMPS

-..a trump sound.

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It's called Empire, by Donald Trump.

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Right, last one. Ready?

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"Base notes are leather, peat fire, highland mud, burned rubber

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"and white truffle."

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-# Smell the... # Yes, Nish?

-Is it Ross?!

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Have you not got your own perfume in the...?

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I've released many scents.

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But not one that people would pay for.

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I quite like the idea of a perfume called Noble Gas.

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-LAUGHTER

-Oh, yeah.

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OK.

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I'm going to carry on with this one.

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"Heart notes are sharp and tempting with cigar, heather, fir and rubber.

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"Top notes complete the fragrance with fresh,

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"spiced notes of bergamot, black pepper, pine and whisky."

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# Smell it too... #

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David Dickinson?

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I would have to say "creosote" if it was David Dickinson.

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-It's a boy.

-Is it George Clooney?

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No, it's the best name for a perfume ever, I think.

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It is Cumming, by Alan Cumming.

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LAUGHTER

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And there are lots of words called orphaned negatives.

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So these are words that have the opposites,

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but nobody uses them, they are now obsolete.

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So, what would be the opposite of ineffable?

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-Eff...

-Effable.

-Effable. But nobody ever uses it,

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-it's a perfectly good word, isn't it?

-I've heard people say that.

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-Effable - it's not effable?

-"Oh, he's got nice trousers on today.

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"He's totally f-able."

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-LAUGHTER

-It makes sense...

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I mean, that could be acceptable, in polite company.

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-Have you ever played the spoon game?

-What's the spoon game?

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The spoon game is, you put a spoon in your mouth, a bit like that...

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-Yeah.

-Put your head down, put your head down, it won't hurt.

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-Put my what?

-Your head.

-Head down, right.

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And you go like that.

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-Right.

-M-hm?

-Then... David, you can get up now.

-Thank you.

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And then David will put the spoon in his mouth and I'll put my head down.

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-Yeah?

-And then a third person behind me will hit me

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with incredible force with another spoon.

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-And it really, really hurts.

-Yes!

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So when you come up, you're enraged.

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And then you put the spoon back in your mouth

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and you really, really try as hard as you can.

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And then they say, "Right..." And then the third person goes...

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And it took me three goes before I thought,

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"Hang on a minute, you're not doing that with a spoon in your mouth!"

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What worried me is how compliant David was.

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You had no idea.

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I was just trying to look fun.

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LAUGHTER

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-I've known you a long time, David, it's a new look.

-Yeah.

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The important thing, although oestrogen is the primary

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female sex hormone, of course men have it as well -

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the same as women have testosterone.

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And if men didn't have oestrogen, what would happen to them?

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It's the light, it's the light. Everyone is looking at that picture,

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it's the light. It's not what you think!

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It's just the light.

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Why would you have swimming trunks made out of silk?

0:08:070:08:09

That's the most... I think those two women are going,

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-"If you could just leave us two alone...."

-Yeah.

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So, men have to have oestrogen, and if they don't have oestrogen,

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-what happens to them? Do we know?

-They become ladies.

-No!

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Well, they get a male menopause is the thing.

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They start putting on weight and have a diminished libido.

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It's like babies, when you're breast-feeding them,

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at the beginning, little baby girls can have periods in the first

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month, because they've taken your oestrogen.

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-I did not know that.

-Yeah, that's true...

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-Is this the first time you've ever had that experience?

-What?

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Not knowing something?

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Our perception of sharks is apparently shaped by footage

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in nature documentaries, which tends to be accompanied by ominous music.

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So the thing that really scares you in it is ominous music.

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So here's one with silence.

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Hello, my friend!

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"Aaaah."

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"Am I going to be on TV?"

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Da-da-da-da-da!

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"Aaaaawwwww!"

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"Awwwww."

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LAUGHTER

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Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

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Do you know what? There's a whole show for you, Alan,

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in just doing fish impersonations.

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We had the trout faking her orgasm last series.

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We've done that.

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LAUGHTER

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Different orgasm, same trout.

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Can you do a shark who then has an orgasm?

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Can you combine...?

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"Aaah."

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"Ah, oooh!"

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-Mildly surprised.

-Yeah.

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Because they don't know they're going to have an orgasm,

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they haven't learnt about orgasms or experimented with themselves,

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I imagine. And then when they have an orgasm the first time,

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-it must be very alarming.

-My worry is, watching you do them,

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that you haven't seen someone have one before.

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"Ooooh. Ooh, uh-oh!"

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And then they go... When they do it for the second or the third time,

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then they're much more, "Ooooooh, aah, aaah!"

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"Aaaahhh!"

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Is... Is everything OK at home, Alan?

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What is the point of a tap in the ocean?

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That's not a real picture.

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LAUGHTER

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It isn't a real picture, because in Britain

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-you'd have two taps for no reason at all.

-Yeah.

0:11:040:11:08

-OK, I don't understand this.

-What?!

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-So you have a hot tap and you have a cold tap, right?

-Yes.

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Yes, well, how is that? So you're trying to wash your hands,

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and what happens, you put it under the hot tap, you think, "Argh!"

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And then you go for the cold tap, and go, "Argh!"

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-"Oh, hoo, hoo, hoo! Argh!"

-Yeah.

0:11:200:11:23

How is it the British haven't discovered there's a mixer tap?!

0:11:230:11:25

-What...?

-It's the only excitement we get.

-Oh, is that...?

0:11:250:11:28

Did you find that baffling when you arrived?

0:11:280:11:30

-I still find it baffling.

-Yeah, no.

-And I don't understand radiators.

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Why you want to heat an entire house with a small hot metal

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-plate in the corner. It doesn't work!

-What would you do instead?

0:11:370:11:40

We have forced air in Canada, otherwise you freeze to death.

0:11:400:11:44

-What do you have? A forced what?

-What?

0:11:440:11:46

-Forced air, just the same as air-con. You know...

-Forced air-con?

0:11:460:11:48

-Yeah.

-Yeah. I've never heard the term, I'm 40... Late forties.

0:11:480:11:52

LAUGHTER

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I genuinely didn't know how old I was then!

0:11:540:11:56

But I've never...

0:11:560:11:58

I'm not going to bother sitting here working it out,

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but, I mean, I'm 50 soon and I've never heard the term "forced air".

0:12:000:12:03

Well, not in that context.

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I love the fact, Rhod, that I'm asking you some

0:12:060:12:09

quite complicated science questions and you don't know how old you are.

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-I'm about 49.

-You're about 49. Have you just worked it out?

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Yeah.

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I'm so used to saying I'm 50 in a few years.

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I'm so used to saying that, that for a moment it stumped me.

0:12:220:12:24

No, but the thing is, though, it is quite good to know how old you are,

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and the producer has just told me in my ear, Rhod, that you're 48!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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OK, so for this I'm going to ask Aisling, please, to channel

0:12:410:12:46

Carol Vorderman for me, if you wouldn't mind.

0:12:460:12:48

-Oh!

-So here is a pen.

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-So you've got to hold it up so that everybody can see.

-Yes.

0:12:510:12:53

So maybe Alan can help you with that.

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-Well, I think I'm all right.

-No, no, I mean hold it up

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so that the audience can see what you're writing.

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-Oh, I see what you mean.

-Yes.

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LAUGHTER

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-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-Thank God I got this big strong man with me

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to help me carry this heavy old board.

0:13:090:13:11

There's a gentleman wearing a T-shirt that says

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"Love Is..." Something. Any random number, please.

0:13:160:13:19

-Just a single-digit number.

-Eight.

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-It wasn't a difficult question.

-Eight.

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-Not that many of them. Right, eight. Write that down, please.

-OK.

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Just to warn you, you're going to write a three-digit number

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-and there's going to be quite a lot of numbers.

-So, eight.

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Oh, dear God!

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LAUGHTER

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-Could you just start again?

-OK.

0:13:430:13:45

-That was just me having a gentle laugh, Sandi.

-I love it.

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There is... Let's go right up the back,

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the first row at the very back.

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-The blue shirt at the end.

-Two.

0:13:520:13:55

-Two. Number two.

-OK.

-OK, there we go.

0:13:550:13:58

-Oh, squeaky!

-Shut up, Debbie McGee!

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-And let's go over here, lady with a patterned top.

-Seven.

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-Seven. 827. OK.

-Whoa.

0:14:050:14:07

So what I want you to do now is reverse the digits underneath.

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Oh, yes.

0:14:110:14:13

Oh, but that's always going to be two in the middle.

0:14:130:14:17

Yeah, that's fine, that's fine, keep going.

0:14:170:14:19

-That's still an eight.

-Put it upside down.

0:14:190:14:21

-It's not really complicated, what I'm asking you to do.

-Yes, yes, yes.

0:14:210:14:24

Could you now subtract the smaller number from the larger?

0:14:240:14:28

Right, yeah.

0:14:300:14:32

OK, so we're going to do this now.

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So we take eight from seven,

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just not possible,

0:14:370:14:38

I think we all know that.

0:14:380:14:40

-OK.

-Yes, so we're going to do...

-Wow!

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-I mean, I'm in the arts, you see, so...

-Yeah.

-It's just...

0:14:440:14:48

-Nine, nine, nine!

-What, stop saying "no" at me in German

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and tell me what the answer is. Nine.

0:14:520:14:55

-Yeah, and then it's going to be...

-And then this one comes down here...

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-It's going to be nine again.

-So it's three from nine.

0:14:590:15:01

So I need to have three numbers, so put a zero now, please.

0:15:010:15:03

So you have three numbers. OK. Now reverse those digits, please.

0:15:030:15:07

-Zero...

-Always 9.

0:15:070:15:09

..9, 9, and please could you add them together?

0:15:090:15:12

Oh...

0:15:120:15:13

-So 18?

-No.

0:15:160:15:18

So, so...

0:15:180:15:20

-So 9 and zero... Start again.

-Oh!

0:15:210:15:23

-9 and zero is 9.

-9.

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-9 and 9 is 8, carry 1.

-18.

0:15:250:15:27

-So the answer is?

-1089.

0:15:270:15:29

OK, so we've come to 1089.

0:15:290:15:31

-OK, thank you very much.

-How exciting.

0:15:310:15:33

Wow, that was painful. Really painful.

0:15:330:15:35

APPLAUSE

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So, what was the number that we had? We had 1089.

0:15:390:15:42

So, Noel, I'm going to pass you a copy

0:15:420:15:44

of 1,342 QI Facts To Leave You Flabbergasted.

0:15:440:15:48

-Noel?

-Yes?

-I feel really stressed.

0:15:500:15:52

Could you, let's see, 1089, take the tenth word on page 89

0:15:520:15:57

and tell me what it is?

0:15:570:15:58

-Yeah.

-What is it?

-French.

-French.

0:15:580:16:01

Here is the envelope that I did earlier.

0:16:010:16:05

And there is the word French.

0:16:050:16:07

-APPLAUSE

-No!

-RUSSELL BRAND: That's magic.

0:16:070:16:09

Number four? Let's have a quick look.

0:16:150:16:18

-The horns are the giveaway.

-Is it a goat?

-Goat?

0:16:180:16:20

No, much smaller. Smaller than a goat.

0:16:200:16:22

Reindeer.

0:16:220:16:24

Yes, those famous small reindeer.

0:16:240:16:26

-Muntjac.

-No, it's called a dik-dik.

0:16:280:16:31

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-A dick pic?

0:16:310:16:33

A dik-dik. Not a dick pic.

0:16:330:16:36

I'd rather get one of those than a dick pic, to be honest.

0:16:360:16:39

Do you know why they're called dik-dik?

0:16:390:16:41

-Cos they've got two...

-So good they named it twice.

0:16:410:16:44

Because they've got two what, darling?

0:16:440:16:46

Er...

0:16:460:16:47

No, it's just I thought...

0:16:490:16:50

Sorry, the rest of the class want to hear it now.

0:16:500:16:53

-I sort of... I just...

-What was it, Nish?

0:16:530:16:56

Well, I was just saying.

0:16:560:16:57

It seemed very important that you wanted to interrupt Sandi.

0:16:570:17:00

You have to say it.

0:17:000:17:02

I was just... I was just saying that maybe they have two dicks.

0:17:020:17:05

Yeah, no.

0:17:070:17:08

It's the sound they make. It's a sort of a warning cry.

0:17:100:17:13

-Dick! Dick!

-Yeah.

0:17:130:17:14

Dick! Dick!

0:17:160:17:19

The thing I like about them, they are incredibly efficient with water.

0:17:210:17:24

They have the driest poo

0:17:240:17:26

and the most concentrated urine of any ungulate.

0:17:260:17:29

-Right.

-Wow.

0:17:290:17:30

Well, clearly you've never spent a night in Wetherspoon's.

0:17:300:17:35

And an extra point for that, cos that's true too.

0:17:350:17:38

Now, it's time to wrap our presents in the great QI wrapping race.

0:17:410:17:46

OK, so under your respective desks you're going to find paper

0:17:460:17:49

and scissors and tape.

0:17:490:17:51

And I would like you to beautifully wrap the things you've got.

0:17:510:17:53

So, Romesh, you need to wrap the game that we've got there for you.

0:17:530:17:57

And if you could find the best way....

0:17:570:17:59

LAUGHTER

0:17:590:18:01

Wrap that for me.

0:18:010:18:03

And, Alan, if you could wrap yours. There we are, that's lovely.

0:18:030:18:08

And what have you guys got to wrap up?

0:18:080:18:11

Lovely.

0:18:110:18:12

So, what do we reckon?

0:18:120:18:14

Best way to wrap these things up?

0:18:140:18:16

Are you going to say, "Ready, steady go," or something?

0:18:160:18:18

Ready, steady, go. Whoever does it best...

0:18:180:18:21

Wow! Jason, that's... Yeah.

0:18:320:18:35

That looks good.

0:18:360:18:37

-I think I've finished, Sandi.

-OK, let me see, let me see.

0:18:370:18:40

Alan is the winner, I think, got there first.

0:18:400:18:42

APPLAUSE

0:18:420:18:45

OK.

0:18:450:18:47

So, awkward items, what you need is a life-hack, OK,

0:18:470:18:51

to wrap something awkward.

0:18:510:18:52

So I've got here a small American football and a single piece

0:18:520:18:55

of paper, and what you actually do, and you could have done it with

0:18:550:18:58

any of your items, is you take your paper and you fold it like this.

0:18:580:19:02

And then put some tape down the middle like this.

0:19:020:19:07

And then you need to fold the piece of paper like this, and fold it in.

0:19:070:19:13

And then put some Sellotape on that, like this.

0:19:140:19:18

This is like Blue Peter, isn't it?

0:19:190:19:22

It's a really brilliant way to wrap an awkward thing.

0:19:230:19:26

It is basically a bag with a gusset that you can make

0:19:260:19:29

out of a single piece of paper and you make it like that, and you

0:19:290:19:33

stick your awkward thing inside and you have a very neatly wrapped gift.

0:19:330:19:36

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, my God!

0:19:360:19:39

APPLAUSE

0:19:390:19:41

Here's a collection of odd-sounding O words,

0:19:430:19:45

and I'd like you to pick one and use it in a sentence, please.

0:19:450:19:48

A cum-spliff, what the f...?

0:19:480:19:50

"Oh, ja, a cum-spliff.

0:19:550:19:57

-"Ja, cum-spliff, ja."

-He doesn't take long, he doesn't take long at all.

-No, no.

0:20:000:20:04

"Oppenchops, cum-spliff."

0:20:040:20:06

-Are you doing Oojah-cum-spliff?

-Yeah...

-Is that your one?

0:20:060:20:10

Cum-spliff...

0:20:100:20:11

What is your sentence, please, Alan?

0:20:110:20:13

"Oh, ja, a cum-spliff."

0:20:130:20:14

It's a...

0:20:140:20:15

It's a Dutchman having a joint in a brothel.

0:20:160:20:19

-Cum-spliff?

-I don't want it, I don't want it.

0:20:230:20:26

Get it away from me, man.

0:20:290:20:31

You'd be no fun in a brothel, would you?

0:20:310:20:33

Oh, look at Rom, he doesn't want the cum-spliff, what a prude!

0:20:350:20:38

Oojah-cum-spliff means all fine and dandy.

0:20:400:20:42

Yeah, I bet it does.

0:20:420:20:43

-It's a glimpse of the future.

-Yeah.

0:20:460:20:48

Him just talking to his chameleon.

0:20:480:20:49

Well, if you've got one, it doesn't do anything else, does it?

0:20:490:20:52

What are you going to do with it? You can't take it for a walk.

0:20:520:20:54

Well, it's like the first ten minutes you have with your chameleon.

0:20:540:20:57

"Barry? Barry! Barry!"

0:20:570:21:00

He's there! He's just there.

0:21:000:21:02

Oh, shit, it's there.

0:21:020:21:04

He went on a two-tone suit once and nearly had a heart attack.

0:21:040:21:09

Do you have this on Strictly? All you want to do is talk about the foxtrot and people are going,

0:21:090:21:12

-"Rumba, I want to talk rumba."

-No, I never want to talk about the foxtrot.

0:21:120:21:15

-No, this is good.

-What's it like? I was asked to go on it and I...

0:21:150:21:18

-I wish you would.

-I said...

-You could dance with the pipe, chatting.

0:21:180:21:21

They said, "Who do you want to...?" I said "I want to do it in character."

0:21:210:21:23

And they said, "Who do you want to be?" I said, "Abu Hamza."

0:21:230:21:26

And they said no.

0:21:260:21:27

Is anybody good at origami?

0:21:490:21:50

-I did that thing, the only thing I've done is...

-Oh, yeah, that one.

0:21:500:21:53

-That thing where he goes, pick a number, Josh? Oh...

-Three.

0:21:530:21:56

-Pick a colour.

-Red.

0:21:560:21:58

Hmm, hmm, hmm, he fancies you. That's all I've done.

0:21:580:22:00

How is it so accurate?

0:22:010:22:03

But I've got some very good ones for you.

0:22:070:22:09

-So, Josh, you can have... There we have a little jumping frog.

-Oh, a frog.

-Frog.

0:22:090:22:13

And, Rich, you have a jack rabbit. There's a jack rabbit for you.

0:22:130:22:17

And, Susan, you've got an elephant.

0:22:170:22:20

Oh.

0:22:200:22:21

And, Alan, what's this?

0:22:210:22:23

It's a blue whale.

0:22:230:22:24

-No, this is a blue whale.

-Oh, God.

0:22:320:22:35

All these years, still don't recognise it.

0:22:370:22:39

There we are.

0:22:390:22:41

The modern hi-tech racing catamarans have taken this one step further.

0:22:430:22:46

They don't even have a floppy sail any more,

0:22:460:22:48

they have much more like an aeroplane wing.

0:22:480:22:50

So if you have a look here, the AC72 catamaran, it has a rigid thing,

0:22:500:22:53

the same size of wing as the Boeing 747.

0:22:530:22:57

So using the aeroplane technology and the fact they lift out of water

0:22:570:23:00

onto hydrofoils, they have speeds of up to 2.79 times the speed of wind.

0:23:000:23:04

So, unbelievably fast.

0:23:040:23:06

ALAN BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:23:060:23:08

LAUGHTER

0:23:090:23:12

Do you know, people often say to me,

0:23:140:23:17

"What did Stephen say to you as he left?"

0:23:170:23:19

And the truth is, he shook his head and went, "You have no idea."

0:23:190:23:22

LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE

0:23:220:23:26

Boats sailing across the wind can go much faster than the wind itself.

0:23:260:23:29

-Indeed there is...

-Oh, stop going on about the boat!

0:23:290:23:32

Come here.

0:23:360:23:37

They're so awful.

0:23:390:23:41

-I just...

-Oh, thank God you're here. Right.

0:23:430:23:46

Can you name a female outlaw?

0:23:480:23:50

-Well, not Jesse James.

-No.

0:23:510:23:53

Bonnie out of Bonnie and Clyde.

0:23:530:23:56

Strictly speaking,

0:23:590:24:00

there is no such thing as a female outlaw in British law.

0:24:000:24:04

Outlawry is when an individual was placed outside

0:24:040:24:07

the protection of the law.

0:24:070:24:08

And females denied protection of the law were called something else,

0:24:080:24:11

they were called waived women.

0:24:110:24:13

Isn't that awful?

0:24:130:24:15

So their right to any protection was said to be waived,

0:24:150:24:17

so left out or not regarded.

0:24:170:24:19

Can you name a male outlaw of the Wild West?

0:24:190:24:23

-Of the Wild West?

-Yeah.

-Oh.

0:24:230:24:24

-Billy the Whatsit?

-Billy the Whatsit?

0:24:240:24:26

-Billy the Kid.

-Yeah.

-Billy the Kid.

-Billy the Kid.

0:24:260:24:29

-Sundance Kid?

-You know, What's-Her-Name.

0:24:320:24:34

Butch Cassidy?

0:24:400:24:41

It could go on and on.

0:24:420:24:44

-So, again, there were no outlaws as such in the Old West...

-Oh, you amaze me.

0:24:440:24:47

..male or female.

0:24:470:24:49

So in the original meaning, an outlaw is merely somebody

0:24:490:24:53

-who's been put outside the law, so denied its protection.

-Right.

0:24:530:24:56

HE SINGS THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN THEME That's a fantastic film, isn't it?

0:24:560:24:59

So these were, so none of them were outlaws.

0:25:020:25:04

In order to be an outlaw, you had to be set outside...

0:25:040:25:07

LAUGHTER

0:25:070:25:09

-Are you trying to hum the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

0:25:090:25:12

That's not the theme tune to The...

0:25:120:25:13

Do you know The Magnificent Seven? HE SINGS THEME

0:25:130:25:16

-No, that's Bonanza.

-Oh, that's Bonanza!

0:25:160:25:18

-Oh, I liked Bonanza.

-I thought Bonanza was...

0:25:210:25:23

-SHE SINGS NOTES

-Bonanza!

0:25:230:25:25

-GRAYSON PERRY:

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that was right. I think we need...

0:25:250:25:28

-What's The High Chaparral?

-I demand...

0:25:280:25:30

-BILL BAILEY: That's The Muppets.

-Someone Google it.

0:25:300:25:33

Does anybody know the bloody theme tune?

0:25:330:25:36

HE SINGS TUNE, ALAN JOINS IN

0:25:360:25:41

Come on, everyone.

0:25:430:25:45

Anybody join in.

0:25:460:25:48

THEY ALL JOIN IN

0:25:480:25:50

-BILL BAILEY:

-Oh, no, no, it's not that.

0:26:000:26:03

It's not that!

0:26:030:26:04

How many hills was Rome built on?

0:26:080:26:10

-Seven.

-Seven.

0:26:110:26:14

Six, six, five.

0:26:170:26:18

-Five.

-Four, three.

0:26:180:26:20

- Eight. - Seven and a half.

0:26:200:26:21

-Oh, no, you've done it again!

-Yes! Da-da, da-da-da...

0:26:210:26:25

It's always been known as seven, but it seems to be a misunderstanding.

0:26:250:26:28

In fact, they used to have a big festival called the Septimontium,

0:26:280:26:31

which means seven hills, and they used to celebrate the whole thing.

0:26:310:26:34

But, actually, when you look at the ancient list of the hills

0:26:340:26:36

involved that they're celebrating, there are eight.

0:26:360:26:40

And Mary Beard, who's a wonderful classicist, says,

0:26:400:26:43

"Something has got confused there somewhere along the line."

0:26:430:26:46

But there's about 75 cities in the world that claim

0:26:460:26:48

to have been built on seven hills.

0:26:480:26:50

There are two Romes, two Athens.

0:26:500:26:52

There's a Seven Hills in Ohio, which is rather aptly named.

0:26:520:26:55

About a quarter of Europe's capital cities claim to be.

0:26:550:26:57

-Bath, where I grew up, that's supposed to be based on Rome.

-Right.

0:26:570:27:00

-The seven hills, but, you know...

-The seven hills.

0:27:000:27:02

-..I don't know.

-Lisbon's very hilly.

0:27:020:27:04

What's that?

0:27:040:27:07

They have a funicular railway.

0:27:070:27:09

It's like the worst TripAdvisor review.

0:27:090:27:12

No, on the contrary, it's a very good tip about Lisbon.

0:27:120:27:15

It's very hilly, it's what you need to know more than anything else.

0:27:150:27:19

"They said it was hilly on TripAdvisor."

0:27:190:27:22

You need to be warned about it, you're absolutely right.

0:27:220:27:25

-Edinburgh's hilly.

-Yeah.

0:27:250:27:27

OK, let's stop doing places that are hilly.

0:27:280:27:30

-Dublin's not very hilly.

-No.

-No.

0:27:300:27:32

OK, moving on from hilly.

0:27:320:27:34

Holland's completely flat, no hills at all.

0:27:340:27:36

Amsterdam, no, barely an incline.

0:27:360:27:39

Nothing at all.

0:27:390:27:40

No, there's no crime in Holland or Belgium

0:27:400:27:42

-cos you can see people coming from miles off.

-Cos you can see everyone.

0:27:420:27:46

Do you know, I can imagine you in a home, somehow.

0:27:460:27:48

LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE

0:27:480:27:52

Will you come and see me?

0:27:540:27:55

Yeah, no.

0:27:550:27:57

I'll bring you some mashed banana. Uh...

0:27:570:28:00

-Argentina, that's really hilly.

-Shut up!

0:28:000:28:03

I'll be in the next bed.

0:28:040:28:07

What was that, Alan?

0:28:070:28:08

-Vancouver, but it's not a capital, don't count.

-Yeah.

0:28:090:28:13

-Fiji, is that hilly?

-Shut up!

0:28:130:28:15

Do you think this is sharp enough to kill somebody?

0:28:160:28:19

Yeah, if you have enough intention behind it.

0:28:190:28:22

-Yeah.

-Oslo.

0:28:220:28:23

Oslo is hilly.

0:28:240:28:25

-That's true.

-They've got a funicular railway, and don't deny it.

0:28:250:28:29

That's right.

0:28:310:28:32

-OK.

-Yeah?

0:28:320:28:34

-On the subject of Rome...

-Yes.

0:28:350:28:39

-That is hilly, it's famous.

-That's really hilly.

0:28:390:28:41

You thought it was seven, but it turns out it's eight.

0:28:410:28:44

Eight, we know that.

0:28:440:28:45

-Does this qualify as entertainment?

-No.

0:28:450:28:49

When I'm in the company of men in a group like this, I feel happy about my life choices.

0:28:490:28:52

And so...

0:28:520:28:53

APPLAUSE

0:28:530:28:56

CHEERING

0:28:590:29:03

A selection of the best moments from the O Series of QI, hosted by Sandi Toksvig with Alan Davies and their guests.


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