Episode 4 Revolting


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Episode 4

Comedy. The boys host their very own cookery show and meet Hank Duke, a retired Guantanamo Bay prison officer who makes his own foie gras.


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This programme contains some strong language and adult humour

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YOLO 4 Yemen.

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I don't forgive him! I want to see him in chains.

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MUSIC: Jump Around by House Of Pain

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I'm Toby.

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And I'm Toby.

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-And we're literally best mates, aren't we mate?

-We are mate.

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We just love food, so a few years

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ago we took over a boozer in East London,

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priced out the locals and turned it into a gastro-pub.

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Then some telly producers we knew at uni gave us our own

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TV cookery show because that's how that works.

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This is Gastro Kitchen.

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Television is served.

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Not only do we cook food and eat food, we also say things about food.

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I love food.

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I literally love it,

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I'm passionate about it...sometimes I think I might even fancy it a bit.

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Well, I actually love food so much that I truly believe

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that pretty much everyone should eat it.

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OK, what's for starters?

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I've decided to go for an absolute classic, foie gras.

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But this isn't any old foie gras,

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it's made by a man with a very unusual past.

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Foie gras is a delicious form of pate made from the liver of a goose.

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The geese are force-fed corn, twice a day,

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to fatten them up and give that pate a lovely, rich, buttery taste.

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One farmer's pioneering techniques are paving the way to ensure

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an even tastier taste.

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My name is Hank Duke and I spent five years as

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a CIA interrogator at "Gitanamo" Bay Terrorist Prison Facility.

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After I retired from torturing "Ayrabs", I wanted a quiet life.

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So, I moved here to Norfolk.

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And I became the UK's only produce of foie gras.

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What in the name of Jon Bon Jovi is going on here?!

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Get outta here!

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Welcome to the big house!

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Well, I run a pretty tight ship.

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They get ten minutes exercise and they're back on with the

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blindfolds and some shut the...

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..hell up!

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Hey! Don't you look at me like that!

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I'll get in there and I'll kick your little face in.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Sadly there's no redemption for these little souls,

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they going to turn their little minds to evil.

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All, except Little Hank up there.

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Oh, he's one of us now.

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He's a little turncoat. He sleeps in my bed and he eats at my table.

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He's the best friend I ever, goddamn, had.

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Well this right here is your classic sensory deprivation kit.

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Consisting of ear muffs and a blindfold,

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and after two days of wearing that...

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they usually ready to go on hunger strike.

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And that's when the force-feeding begins.

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And let me tell you, my dick gets real hard for a force-feeding.

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'Mmm, that sounds delish!

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'But what will the British public think?

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'I've take some of Hank's foie gras to market.'

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It's called Freedom Foie Gras it's produced by an

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American chap called Hank Duke, he retired from Guantanamo Bay

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and he employed all of the techniques he learnt there into making foie gras.

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It is tasty.

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-What you do is, you force-feed the geese for about three hours...

-Yeah we know...

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The liver expands so that it's almost bursting,

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-but it gives it a lovely buttery taste.

-Mmm.

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-Force-fed down the neck, you know...

-Mm hmm.

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I hate the idea, they just stick a tube in a duck,

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and they just pour food till the liver explodes.

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It's similar to, erm, duck pate, really.

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It is very similar to the duck pate, but with a lot more intense pain.

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-So much pain.

-Yeah.

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To just feed us a little bit of things spread on a bread.

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Well at least the goose knows he's becoming part of an

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incredible luxury product.

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Obviously, there are lot of, erm, quite extreme geese in this country so...you know, he's dealing

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with that problem as well as producing a lovely by-product.

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Honestly, the more he's telling me the more, the more I'm becoming a vegetarian.

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Some geese, they're real little shits.

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What do you have against geese?

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Well have you ever been pecked by a goose?

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You ever been pecked by a goose?

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Or do you know anyone that's been pecked by a goose?

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-Erm, maybe my kids at some point.

-You see?

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Welcome to Inside The Story.

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I'm Dale Maily, fearless,

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hetero journalist who's not afraid to be unafraid.

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I deliver fair, impartial news as it happens.

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Wherever it happens.

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Telling you the right way to think.

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There's nothing better than watching beautiful women,

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or even children, in make-up competing in what our

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American cousins call "a beauty pageant."

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But now a group of cross-dressing transgenders are trying to

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take our pageants for themselves.

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And it's totally wrong.

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Isn't it?

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What constitutes real beauty?

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-Ha, interesting, what constitutes real beauty?

-Real beauty.

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Nothing does. It's in the eye of the beholder.

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When you realised that you had these feelings,

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why didn't you just fight them?

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Well, there is a, erm, I mean, erm...

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I was told, that I should know my place, and I should,

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you know, be who I'm supposed to be.

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-It was quite confusing.

-Oh, that died out years ago.

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If you want to wear a dress, wear a dress.

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If you want to wear eyeliner, wear eyeliner.

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But what if your dad said, "No, Dale."

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You know, I mean, "You can't have eyeliner."

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Am I allowed to swear? I'd say, "Fuck you."

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I am here with the absolute blonde bombshell that is Pamela.

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I mean, goodness me, you're a sight for sore eyes, aren't you?

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Goodness me!

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You're a woman, I bet you can parallel park as well.

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-Eh, I've not lost me driving skills.

-Fantastic!

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I would take you for a drink and I'd even pay for it.

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Well that's very kind of you.

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Would you have white wine or a pint or...?

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Erm.

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That is, I mean that's not English, is it? That's...

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'It was competition time and I already had a favourite.

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'Who, I'm not ashamed to say, I hoped would join me for a spritzer.'

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A body of a woman and a mind of a man. What more could you want?

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'It was now all down to the judges to crown their winner.'

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Give it up, nice and loud, for Miya!

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For Miya!

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Miya's won.

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'Typically British stunner Pamela was pipped to the post...

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'by a foreigner!'

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CROWD APPLAUDS

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-You actually want a boob job?

-Yeah, I want a free boob job.

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So will you just, when you get those boobs,

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will you just spend your days just sexually assaulting yourself?

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I know I would.

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This is Dale Maily for Inside The Story.

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I'm off to the pub.

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I mean look at ya, got your crown, absolutely incredible. Shall we...?

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-Let's go...

-Shall we go? I mean...

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-Let's just...

-I know. I know.

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I knew Dad was wrong about girls like you.

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Ha. After you, after you.

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-REPORTER:

-British activists and South Korean families gather outside

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a Reckitt Benckiser shareholders' meeting in London.

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After the firm accepted responsibility for selling

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products linked to fatal lung injuries.

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Since 2011, 530 have registered claims for lung ailments

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after using humidifier sterilisers in South Korea.

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92 deaths are believe to be linked to the item.

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Reckitt, known for brands like Dettol and Nurofen

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have offered compensation.

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I apologise again.

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-This time you lie!

-I'm very sorry.

-You are murderer!

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MUSIC: Dance Of The Hours by Amilcare Ponchielli

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I've just got to clear a humidifier

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on two that might be causing lung damage.

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All right. Thanks.

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-Hey, how are you doing?

-What happened?

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Toxic build-up on the floor, unfortunate.

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-Are you serious?

-Yeah.

-I knew it.

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-You were feeling light headed?

-Yeah.

-Really?

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-OK, you're joking?

-Ha-ha, yeah.

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Hey, there's been something spilt,

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well there're been some reputational damage apparently,

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there might be some stuff in the atmosphere,

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that might be affecting people quite badly. Yeah.

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A lot of careers have already been risked in this whole process,

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but it could be affecting people quite badly.

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Can you come over here? OK.

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Hi, you might have some compensational build-up

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in one of your moral vacuums,

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so we need to come and clean it out from one of the pipes.

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It could be affecting respiratory conditions.

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Can I just check in the kitchen and make sure everything is all right?

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In the kitchen.

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I mean once we get it cleaned out,

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you guys can just breathe easy, you know.

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Toxicity levels are getting better, I've got some 'Kill-it Bang',

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so I'm gonna kill it dead.

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If you can try and get them to release the compensation

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from the moral vacuum we can get it

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-to the Koreans that need it.

-Yes, yes.

-That'd be great.

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-REPORTER:

-The appalling conditions that workers say they have to live

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in, so they can pack the fruit destined for our supermarkets.

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Every where you look the fields are littered with migrant workers,

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but it's common to see them in the same field as sprayers.

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'This week on Toby vs Toby,

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'we went to pick some fruit for our summer pudding.'

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There is literally nothing more delicious than fresh fruit

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from a pick-your-own fruit farm.

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HONKS HORN

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OK, the producers have given us one

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hour to pick as much fruit as we can.

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Winner gets to drive mummy home?

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Oh, my God. You are on! This is going to be crazy!

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Now, what Toby doesn't know is that I've brought along

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a few special helpers with me today...my nephews!

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YAY!

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Toby Jr and Toby Jr!

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This is Mikel, he's from Albania.

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Mikel, please explain what it is you do for a living?

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This is where you keep them?

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I get it!

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Hello! Hi...

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Toby, hi.

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OK guys, three, two, one and...

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TOBY BLOWS WHISTLE

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Start picking!

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MUSIC: My Old Man by Danny La Rue

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Well, I mean the pace they're working at,

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you must be paying them a fair whack, Mikel?

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'I only wanted the juiciest and ripest summer fruits,

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'so it wasn't long before I was spurring on the workers myself.'

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Oh, my God, look, look, look over here,

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there's loads over here as well.

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Quick we've only got five minutes. Quick!

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Soon, I had enough for my pudding, phew!

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And just in time because...

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Hang fire Toby, times up mate, it's been an hour and I've got

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four delicious punnets of gorgeous summer fruit.

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That's great mate, but I've filled up 14 buckets full of fruit.

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Mikel, you can have your passports back now, fella.

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What a rascal!

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Well done mate, gutted for me though.

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Looks like you're going to be mummy home.

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Sweet! I haven't been this excited since Euro '96.

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Gazza.

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-Reporter:

-The Labour Party is in the midst of a civil war.

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With Jeremy Corbyn having won his

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second leadership election by a landslide,

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many believe that

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Labour is too left-wing to be elected into government.

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In this series,

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we follow two Labour Party members on opposing sides of the argument.

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Robin, a dyed-in-the-wool Socialist and canvasser,

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and Penny, a Labour Party adviser and self-confessed Blairite.

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Both are convinced, that they're version of Labour is the future.

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It's July, and Sir John Chilcot has finally delivered his damning

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verdict on former Prime Minister Tony Blair's decision

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to commit British troops to the Iraq War in 2003.

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I accept...full responsibility.

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CROWD CHANTS: Tony Blair. War Criminal!

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The report concluded that an

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imminent threat from weapons of mass destruction

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was both flawed and exaggerated.

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With protestors gathering outside Westminster calling for Blair to be tried as a war criminal,

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never has being a Blairite been so unpopular.

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Undeterred, Penny is attempting some damage limitation.

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Oh, well, I'm just sort of down here, erm,

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doing a small, sort of, questionnaire for the Labour Party.

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Just trying to work out how angry people actually are.

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Do you think Tony Blair should have...fully vindicated or only slightly vindicated?

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No, he should be sent to The Hague.

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-Oh, he did, he had a mini-break in Amsterdam with Cherie recently.

-He's a war criminal.

-Right.

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-Don't you think we should move on and think of...

-No, I don't!

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I think we should move back.

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Move back and make absolutely sure that everybody who was involved

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in this, including people like Bush,

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-are absolutely brought to account.

-Absolutely, yes.

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So in conclusion, you'd say that

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-you forgive Tony but...

-I don't forgive Tony.

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No, I absolutely do not say,

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but I do not want you to write anything about me

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because you're not listening to me.

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-Oh, no, I am.

-You're projecting your view about Tony.

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I don't forgive him, I want to see him in chains!

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They keep saying "Blair lied, millions died."

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Perhaps if they realised it was

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only 500,000 they'd be a bit less angry.

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Maybe I should go and tell them that.

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Tony is an incredibly sensitive man...

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-How many houses has he got? Nine?

-Eight or nine.

-Yeah.

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It's not about his houses,

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it's about the sleep that he's losing

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and I'm worried about him, you know.

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A lot of people here, actually, they

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don't give a monkey's about Tony's health.

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Even the phrase, "rot in hell" has been used. OK.

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-OK, you said Penny was your first name...

-Penny, that's right.

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Penny has attracted the attention of a news crew,

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and is all too happy to give his thoughts on the situation.

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-You joined the Labour Party because of Blair...

-Because of Tony, yeah...

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-Did he let you down?

-Tony's the first to admit his mistakes,

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I think he feels as upset about this as, erm, as anyone.

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And considering what happened afterwards,

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the hundreds of thousands of people

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-who've died, you look at the Middle East now.

-Yes...

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Isn't there a case that Mr Blair should be taken to court?

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-Taken to a criminal court?

-To any court.

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Well, I, just, I think this

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has already taken the best part of seven years,

0:13:410:13:44

it's punishment enough, you know.

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He did have to do six or seven

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interviews as part of this inquiry,

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which were gruelling.

0:13:480:13:49

-Thank you very much. Cheers.

-OK, thanks very much.

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Well I'm just putting them down here.

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No, we will not, let's put you down there!

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-I'm just leaving them on the floor.

-No.

-Pick 'em up.

-Pick them up!

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-Pick them up?

-Yes.

-Yeah. Go on.

-Pick them up!

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I think they're better on the floor.

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-No they're not, you're better on the floor, I'll tell you that.

-You're a wanker.

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Now it's time for America to bind the wounds of division,

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we have to get together, for those who have chosen

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not to support me in the past, of which there were a few people.

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CROWD LAUGHS

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I'm reaching out to you.

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Hillary has worked over a long period of time,

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and we owe her a major debt of gratitude

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for her service to our country.

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I've spent my entire life and business

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looking at the untapped potential in projects,

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and in people, all over the world.

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No dream is too big, no challenge is too great.

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Working together,

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we will begin the urgent task of rebuilding our nation

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and renewing the American dream.

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And I love this country.

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Thank you, thank you very much.

0:15:040:15:06

CROWD CHEERS

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So, I'm from Airbus,

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proud sponsors of the Science Museum.

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Very excited to be down here today with the new exhibit

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so we can show patrons what Airbus' business is all about.

0:15:140:15:17

We're not just about planes you fly on holiday in,

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we're also heavily involved in weapons.

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LOUD BANG

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We sell to virtually anyone.

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Even if you have a poor humanitarian record, like Saudi Arabia.

0:15:250:15:29

-NEWSREADER:

-It's the seemingly indiscriminate bombing

0:15:290:15:31

that's led rights groups to accuse the Saudis of war crimes.

0:15:310:15:34

The feeling here isn't that the outside world

0:15:340:15:37

doesn't know what's happening in Yemen,

0:15:370:15:39

it's that they don't care.

0:15:390:15:40

To balance out the bad press with some good press,

0:15:400:15:44

we've collaborated with our friends at the Science Museum

0:15:440:15:46

and introduced a fun new educational programme.

0:15:460:15:49

A flight simulator where you can fly one of our death machines

0:15:490:15:52

heading over to Yemen.

0:15:520:15:54

I'm from Airbus, we've got a brand-new exhibition

0:15:540:15:56

that shows you what it's like to experience flying

0:15:560:15:59

a Eurofighter over a small Yemeni village and boom!

0:15:590:16:02

And blowing up some little villages, it's super fun,

0:16:020:16:04

would you like to experience the quality

0:16:040:16:06

-of an Airbus missile attack...

-Yeah.

0:16:060:16:08

..as if you were a Saudi Arabian fighter jet pilot?

0:16:080:16:10

-Yeah.

-You would?

-Yeah.

-Excellent.

0:16:100:16:12

Obviously, some of these people look a bit sad,

0:16:120:16:14

but they're probably going to get bombed anyway.

0:16:140:16:17

How much is it?

0:16:170:16:18

It's totally free, it's on us, we make enough money,

0:16:180:16:20

you can have this one for free.

0:16:200:16:21

But it's the experience of pure death

0:16:210:16:23

-and destruction or your money back.

-OK.

0:16:230:16:25

And then afterwards, we can offer you counselling if you feel

0:16:250:16:27

bad about it, if the experience

0:16:270:16:29

-was too realistic and stuff like that.

-Yeah.

0:16:290:16:31

-This is the missile release button.

-OK.

0:16:310:16:33

And then you have to push the missile release button and

0:16:330:16:36

boom and ahh!

0:16:360:16:37

And the poor kids, you know,

0:16:370:16:38

and you get to really get the authentic experience

0:16:380:16:41

of what it's like to be a Saudi Arabian fighter pilot.

0:16:410:16:44

-Would you like to have a go?

-Yes.

-Oh, brilliant. Great.

0:16:440:16:48

EXPLOSION EFFECTS

0:16:480:16:51

Would you like to have a go? It's totally free.

0:16:510:16:54

No, I don't think so.

0:16:540:16:56

Hey, I'm Duckface and I'm an Insta-celebrity.

0:16:560:16:59

And I'm all about raising awareness about totes important issues

0:16:590:17:02

using social media.

0:17:020:17:04

Let's change the planet one hashtag at a time, babes.

0:17:040:17:06

Love you!

0:17:060:17:07

Oh, hey, guys, it's your gorgeous Duckface here again.

0:17:070:17:11

So, babes, last night I heard about this terrible place called Yemen.

0:17:110:17:14

There are bombs dropping and it's awful. Eurgh.

0:17:140:17:17

So we're going to launch...

0:17:170:17:19

YOLO, like, the only live once, babe.

0:17:190:17:23

Shut up.

0:17:230:17:25

YOLO. YOLO!

0:17:250:17:27

-Do you know about Yemen?

-A bit.

0:17:270:17:29

-BOTH:

-YOLO!

-Mwah, we love you.

-Seize the day.

0:17:290:17:32

-ALL:

-YOLO for Yemen.

0:17:320:17:34

That's right, guys,

0:17:340:17:35

everyone is part of the human race.

0:17:350:17:37

-Just good luck with everything.

-You have one life, yeah.

0:17:370:17:39

Better conditions in Yemen, you get me?

0:17:390:17:41

-YOLO for Yemen, you just live once.

-You only live once.

0:17:410:17:45

Come on, a bit more profound than that, go.

0:17:450:17:47

-You only live once?

-You only live once, right?

0:17:470:17:50

I'm afraid I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.

0:17:500:17:52

-Can you just give me a bit of pouty-ness for that.

-No.

0:17:520:17:55

Hmmm. Ming, ming.

0:17:550:17:57

Sorry, babes, I was just meditating.

0:17:570:17:58

Well, that'll show those warmongering bitches

0:17:580:18:00

not to do that again.

0:18:000:18:02

Anyway, guys, got to run,

0:18:020:18:03

I've got a charity gala to go to with Lila Donnan.

0:18:030:18:06

Bye.

0:18:060:18:08

Tweet me.

0:18:080:18:10

-NEWSREADER:

-Food poverty is often thought of as a problem

0:18:110:18:14

for the developing world, not the developed.

0:18:140:18:16

-NEWSREADER:

-Benefit cuts due to hit the just-about-managing families

0:18:160:18:21

or JAMs.

0:18:210:18:22

-NEWSREADER:

-Here at the Wokingham food bank,

0:18:220:18:24

they support around 80 people a month,

0:18:240:18:26

a growing number of whom have had to come here

0:18:260:18:28

after their benefits were stopped.

0:18:280:18:31

Here in the UK, charities have accused

0:18:320:18:34

British supermarkets of wasting

0:18:340:18:37

thousands of tonnes of surplus food

0:18:370:18:40

at a time when millions of hungry people are using food banks.

0:18:400:18:43

I'm on my way to a farm in Wales who are looking to buck that trend.

0:18:430:18:47

-Oh, Piers.

-Colin.

-Hi. Good to see you.

0:18:490:18:51

-Welcome to the farm.

-Thanks for having me.

0:18:510:18:53

So, what exactly do you do here?

0:18:530:18:55

Well, it's not exactly what, but rather who.

0:18:550:18:57

-Come, let me show you.

-Pretty loud in here.

0:18:570:18:59

It is pretty loud, yeah, absolutely.

0:18:590:19:02

-Wow.

-So, basically, what we're doing is harnessing the power of wind,

0:19:020:19:05

methane to be exact.

0:19:050:19:07

We've got 150 disadvantaged units - the unemployed, redundant...

0:19:070:19:10

-Hi, guys.

-..who over a day can power

0:19:100:19:13

-a small town like Market Harborough.

-Sure.

0:19:130:19:15

HE FARTS

0:19:150:19:17

The surplus supermarket food gets delivered over there,

0:19:170:19:19

put into their troughs, ready for feeding.

0:19:190:19:21

-Looks like we've got cheese strings today.

-Uh-huh.

0:19:210:19:23

The hungry get fed and a roof over their head and we get a much-needed

0:19:230:19:27

form of sustainable energy.

0:19:270:19:28

Well, sounds fantastic. I'm definitely sold. Bye, guys.

0:19:280:19:31

Keep up the good work!

0:19:310:19:34

-NEWSREADER:

-We know Big Brother is already watching us,

0:19:340:19:37

but is the government about to get even more up close and personal?

0:19:370:19:41

The right to privacy is more than just keeping your e-mails safe

0:19:410:19:44

from the government.

0:19:440:19:45

It makes complete sense to give these abilities

0:19:450:19:48

to our agencies to help make us all safer.

0:19:480:19:50

Somewhere there is a pot of data which could be used to blackmail,

0:19:500:19:54

it could be used to attack.

0:19:540:19:57

Sorry...just looking at your phone.

0:20:010:20:04

-Can I...can I just have a look?

-Why?

0:20:070:20:09

It's the Snooper's Charter, we can check anyone's data.

0:20:090:20:12

It's a matter of national security.

0:20:120:20:15

-Can I see your phone?

-Oh, God.

0:20:150:20:18

Because if you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear.

0:20:180:20:21

I'm just checking your direct messages on Snapchat.

0:20:210:20:24

Do you let people look at your phone a lot?

0:20:240:20:26

I'm just seeing from your location services that you just go home,

0:20:260:20:29

-work, Tesco's Express.

-What do you need that for?

0:20:290:20:31

-This is your phone?

-It's my phone.

0:20:330:20:35

It's just that the number that I've called

0:20:350:20:37

it's just going to try and sort of download all of your calls,

0:20:370:20:40

-your phone history...

-Why would you do that?

0:20:400:20:44

In this age, we've just all got to do our bit, you know.

0:20:440:20:46

-No, no.

-Well, what have you got to hide?

0:20:460:20:48

-I've got nothing to hide.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

0:20:480:20:50

I just saw that e-mail from your doctor and I just want you to know

0:20:500:20:54

that it's OK, I have herpes as well.

0:20:540:20:56

Look, mate, you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear.

0:20:560:21:00

-I'm just trying to hack your server.

-Why?

0:21:110:21:14

I'm just trying to catch all your communications data.

0:21:140:21:16

No, you can't do this, sir, sorry.

0:21:160:21:18

Well, if you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear.

0:21:180:21:20

You're not a terrorist, are you?

0:21:200:21:22

You're not one of those weird white converts, are you?

0:21:220:21:24

Because if you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear.

0:21:240:21:27

OK, and I'm in.

0:21:270:21:29

Boys, seriously, I mean, I'd delete all of those photos.

0:21:290:21:31

You're way too old for Snapchat anyway.

0:21:310:21:34

Amazing what technology can do nowadays.

0:21:350:21:37

I'm back at the methane farm,

0:21:420:21:44

where I've arranged to speak to Rhys,

0:21:440:21:46

a local lad who looks after the herd.

0:21:460:21:48

So, can you talk me through what you're doing here today?

0:21:490:21:52

Well, I saw this one out in the field and he was hobbling,

0:21:520:21:55

so I found out that he's got a stone in his shoe,

0:21:550:21:58

but he's all right to go back out to pasture, now, aren't you, boyo?

0:21:580:22:01

-Cheers, mate.

-All right.

0:22:010:22:03

-Are they happy?

-Well, they like the routine, you see.

0:22:030:22:06

They get so excited when it comes to feeding time,

0:22:060:22:09

because, well, releasing methane,

0:22:090:22:11

it's a really nice feeling, isn't it?

0:22:110:22:13

Could you introduce me to one?

0:22:130:22:15

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I can do that, yes.

0:22:150:22:17

Bye-bye, Cyril, bye.

0:22:170:22:19

I'll show you Ian. Ian.

0:22:190:22:22

Ian!

0:22:220:22:24

So, this is Ian. One of the finest specimens we have here.

0:22:250:22:29

-He pumps out a lot. Don't you, boy?

-Well, yeah.

0:22:290:22:32

How did you end up on the farm, Ian?

0:22:320:22:34

Well, you know how it is.

0:22:340:22:35

You know, me kids' mobile phone bills were racking up

0:22:350:22:38

and I'm just struggling a bit, really, with all the benefit cuts.

0:22:380:22:42

-And how are you all finding it now?

-Good. Yeah.

-Yeah?

0:22:420:22:47

The food's decent and the people are lovely...

0:22:470:22:51

..had to...

0:22:510:22:53

-There you go.

-All right. Had to...

0:22:530:22:56

-Had...

-IAN SIGHS

0:22:560:22:59

Had to give up smoking.

0:22:590:23:01

-Sure.

-You could blow the whole valley up,

0:23:010:23:03

with, you know, because of all the methane.

0:23:030:23:05

-Really, is that true?

-That's right. Yeah.

0:23:050:23:07

-Nice to meet you, Ian.

-Thanks a lot, Ian.

0:23:070:23:10

Hey, hey!

0:23:100:23:13

Oi!

0:23:130:23:15

So, what is it like living on a farm like this, I ask Piers,

0:23:150:23:18

the farm's owner.

0:23:180:23:20

How does your family deal with life on the farm?

0:23:200:23:23

Well, the wife was a bit sceptical at first, but she's come around now.

0:23:230:23:25

She likes to feed them their treats on Sundays - cider, beers,

0:23:250:23:28

50ps sometimes.

0:23:280:23:29

We've had an ingenious development in the tech,

0:23:290:23:32

it's called the power bottom.

0:23:320:23:33

You can actually harness methane on the move.

0:23:330:23:35

Which is great. It means you can use it inside the house.

0:23:350:23:38

How's he doing in maths?

0:23:380:23:39

-Yeah, he's doing all right.

-FARTING

0:23:390:23:42

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

0:23:420:23:44

It's hypocrisy to take money from a dirty company like BP

0:23:440:23:48

that are actually causing

0:23:480:23:49

the same sort of thing that's shown in this exhibit.

0:23:490:23:52

In this edition of Arts Week,

0:23:530:23:55

we look at the historic exhibit Sunken Cities

0:23:550:23:58

at the British Museum.

0:23:580:24:00

It is thought that fossil fuels like oil and coal

0:24:000:24:03

are heavily contributing towards climate change

0:24:030:24:06

and rising sea levels.

0:24:060:24:07

So, it's marvellous to see oil giant BP are sponsoring this exhibit.

0:24:070:24:13

With their history of contributing to climate change

0:24:130:24:15

and rising sea levels, BP are the only people

0:24:150:24:19

who could have sponsored Sunken Cities.

0:24:190:24:21

So, I've met up with the marvellous artist

0:24:210:24:24

who's captured what sunken cities of the future may look like.

0:24:240:24:28

With this piece, you've really captured that sense of horror,

0:24:280:24:31

of terror that I get when thinking about the world

0:24:310:24:33

that we're bequeathing to our children

0:24:330:24:35

and our children's children.

0:24:350:24:37

Absolutely. You see, BP converts fossils into fuel,

0:24:370:24:39

but what they're really doing is converting our future

0:24:390:24:42

into a watery nightmare.

0:24:420:24:44

I'm sorry, sir, what do you make of this submerged art?

0:24:450:24:48

Oh, right.

0:24:480:24:49

You see, BP who sponsored this gallery

0:24:490:24:51

wanted to put some sunken cities of the future in here,

0:24:510:24:54

as well as those of the past, you know?

0:24:540:24:56

Well, it's an interesting concept, isn't it?

0:24:560:24:59

-Hm.

-That could be the future.

-MAN LAUGHS

0:24:590:25:02

-What does it say to you?

-Go for it, just burn.

0:25:020:25:05

-Just burn, just burn.

-Just burn, yeah.

0:25:050:25:07

What does it do to you?

0:25:070:25:08

How do you feel when you look at the piece?

0:25:080:25:11

Sinking is what I feel.

0:25:120:25:13

Sinking, like rising tides of sea levels brought on

0:25:130:25:17

by British Petroleum and then just dashed.

0:25:170:25:20

Excuse me.

0:25:200:25:21

Oh, this is amazing, is this part of it?

0:25:210:25:24

Suddenly, a completely unexpected improvised layer of performance

0:25:240:25:28

took the exhibition by storm.

0:25:280:25:30

Wonderful.

0:25:300:25:32

You see, this is a piece of interpretive art.

0:25:320:25:34

This security man will now remove the piece

0:25:340:25:36

to take climate change out of our minds.

0:25:360:25:37

-So we're in complete denial.

-This is amazing. You are amazing.

0:25:370:25:40

There's something incredible happening.

0:25:400:25:42

Just let him do his performance. Let him do his performance.

0:25:420:25:44

So he wants me to take the climate change piece,

0:25:440:25:46

put it in a dark bag and take it away.

0:25:460:25:49

-So nobody thinks about...

-Marvellous, marvellous.

-Yes.

0:25:490:25:52

Now, what we're going to need

0:25:520:25:54

for this fabulous meal is a drop of nice vino.

0:25:540:25:57

And fortunately for us, Tamsin Chivers

0:25:570:25:59

who's our regular wine expert, and also white and middle-class,

0:25:590:26:02

knows a thing or two about wine.

0:26:020:26:04

Now, for Toby & Toby's fist course, I'm looking for a wine

0:26:110:26:14

with a full-bodied taste

0:26:140:26:16

to really compliment that creamy foie gras.

0:26:160:26:18

And this lovely Chardonnay is absolutely perfect

0:26:180:26:22

and you can tell it's a special wine, because it has one of these.

0:26:220:26:25

Any wine that someone wants to steal must be good.

0:26:250:26:29

"How will I look if I turn up at Greg's party

0:26:290:26:32

"with this bottle of wine?"

0:26:320:26:33

That's a question that you won't need to ask yourself

0:26:330:26:35

if you go for this lovely number here which goes beautifully

0:26:350:26:39

with Toby & Toby's chicken salad.

0:26:390:26:41

Now, it comes in a rustic box which adds a definite sense

0:26:410:26:45

of smugness, more than a hint of arriving at the party

0:26:450:26:49

with a more expensive bottle than your friends,

0:26:490:26:51

especially Susan, I hate Susan.

0:26:510:26:54

And, finally, dessert. Always my favourite wine to choose.

0:26:540:26:57

And a great one for Toby & Toby's summer fruits pudding

0:26:570:27:00

is this delightful Spanish number.

0:27:000:27:03

Very nice. There's a real undertone there of thinking

0:27:070:27:10

that you're the life of the party, but actually being too drunk

0:27:100:27:13

to realise that you're embarrassing yourself.

0:27:130:27:15

That's lovely.

0:27:150:27:17

-I'm also getting...

-SHE SNIFFS

0:27:210:27:23

I'm also getting...I'm getting divorced, did I mention that?

0:27:230:27:28

Apparently I keep pissing the bed and I said to David,

0:27:280:27:32

"David, listen, maybe I wouldn't have to drink so much

0:27:320:27:35

"if you would just lose a little bit of weight, you fat shit."

0:27:350:27:38

And he didn't like that one bit, did he? Oh, no.

0:27:380:27:41

Off he went to the football, like he always fucking does.

0:27:410:27:44

MUSIC: Buffalo Stance by Neneh Cherry

0:27:450:27:47

Well, I guess we can all agree that the meal has been a roaring success.

0:27:470:27:51

Well, we'll see you next week

0:27:510:27:53

on Gastro Kitchen.

0:27:530:27:54

-Bye.

-Bye-bye.

0:27:540:27:56

# They all came running

0:27:560:27:57

# They were making noise, manhandling toys

0:27:570:27:59

# That's the girls on the block with the nasty curls

0:27:590:28:02

# Wearing padded bras sucking beers through straws

0:28:020:28:04

# Dropping down their drawers, where did you get yours?

0:28:040:28:07

# Gigolo Huh, sukka?

0:28:070:28:09

# Gigolo

0:28:090:28:11

# Gigolo Huh, sukka?

0:28:110:28:13

# Who's looking good today?

0:28:150:28:17

# Who's looking good in every way?

0:28:170:28:20

# No style rookie

0:28:200:28:22

# You better watch, don't mess with me

0:28:220:28:26

# No money man could win my love. #

0:28:260:28:29

The boys host their very own cookery show where they explore the world of fruit picking, waste management, wine tasting and meet Hank Duke, a retired Guantanamo Bay prison officer who has decided to make his own foie gras.